Thursday, March 27, 2008

The Dissector #67.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"You can call me an "innovator"... You can call me a "child prodigy"... But I don't really know what those words mean." Franklin Richards, Franklin Richards, Franklin Richards: Spring Break.

Aaaaaaaaand.... CAUGHT UP!!! YEAH, BABY, YEAH!!! This is the column for the books published on 03/19, which means that I'm back on schedule. I've gotten such a workout from this catch-up series of columns, that I can make them faster than ever, but still, I'll slow down in future columns and take the time to rant more extensively when things bother me. The Dissect This! for last column was solved (only in part) by Snakebyte, who saw that the map in the UN seal was any but Earth's. Marvel's Earths have a few extra islands, and of course, Atlantis underwater; but the regular continents' shapes are still the same. Also, the general design of the seal was screwed up, apart from the map. But... this was a double DT, and nobody got the second one (I know, I'm not letting you guys breathe between columns), which was that the two seals in the picture... were not the same. The maps were different, for starters.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week goes to Everybody's Dead #1; with a hilarious script by Brian Lynch, and art... well, the art by Dave Crossland was a bit subpar, more suited to a webcomic than something put out by IDW... but at least it was consistent and not just plain BAD as most of the IDW Star Trek book's art is. Worst Book Of The Week goes to World War Hulk Aftersmash: Warbound #4 of 5. Is it bad? No, but it was the most boring thing I read in the week, and this story certainly did not need five issues to be told. The art in the first story is a bit plain, and while the art on the backup tale is good, I really don't feel the need to learn about the Warbound's pasts. That's it then, on to the dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"BLANK WITH FEAR."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 554.

CULPRIT: Phil Jimenez (penciller).

DISSECTION: First story page, Randall Crowne lacks pupils and irises.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"STRAP IN."

TITLE: Captain America V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: Butch Guice (penciller).

DISSECTION: Yeah, I know... I'm way to nitpicky.... but Captain America's shield straps are drawn incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"POWERLESS!"

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Joe Bennett (penciller).

DISSECTION: Vixen is not wearing her Tantu Totem!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, Red Arrow's costume is wrong, and so are Jay Garrick's boots... and Superman's cape shield!!! And of course, Fire's name.
<-------------------------------->
"OH NO HE DIDN'T!"

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Santiago Arcas (colorist).

DISSECTION: Arcas incorrectly colors SUPERMAN'S CAPE SHIELD!!! He colors it as if it was the chest shield, blue and yellow

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Un-for-gi-va-ble.
<-------------------------------->
"GOOD NA-NITE."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Adam Beechen (writer).

DISSECTION: I understand how the Morticoccus virus evolved after infecting Karate Kid... but what the hell is this "Thirty-First century nanites in the virus"... I assume they mean Karate Kid Thirty-First century antibodies, but if they meant the virus itself, it's still wrong, because it's not from the 31st century (or it hasn't been mentioned), and nanites would imply that it's a technovirus.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Tom Chu colors Donna Troy's eyes incorrectly, and Mary marvel's lightning.
<-------------------------------->
"GET IT RIGHT!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 52.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Every time I type "Countdown To Final Crisis", I need to make sure I don't write "Infinite Crisis"; and I have dissected myself on the matter in the past; but I just re-checked, and I missed it in column 52. A sign?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, and I did it twice.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT GIVES?"

TITLE: Everybody's Dead (IDW).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Brian Lynch (writer).

DISSECTION: The issue opens with a flyer for a frat Halloween party, stating that men pay ten dollars, and girls are free (costumed girls are "double free", whatever that means, heh). Yet not ten pages later, Jack's girlfriend complains that Aurora got in free. Huh?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"EYE MACHINA."

TITLE: Ex Machina (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 35.

CULPRIT: Tony Harris (penciller).

DISSECTION: This has got to be one of my favorite books, but it's been slower than a turtle, lately. Still, it hasn't ceased to be a good read. In this case, first dissection I ever find in this comic, in one of Mitch Hundred's flashbacks to his time as "The Great Machine" (actually told by his deputy mayor), his goggle lenses get shattered, and in one panel you can't see his eye, and on the other one you can... it's quite confusing.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SUPER GREEN! LANTERN GREEN!"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Peter Pantazis (colorist).

DISSECTION: John Stewart's eyes are NOT green! And why does Pantazis get credited as Pete sometimes and as Peter other times? Shouldn't they have some sort of standard?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. I'm just tired of this.
<-------------------------------->
"TEXTBOOK DISSECTION."

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Alan Burnett (writer) and/or Rob Leigh (letterer).

DISSECTION: This is an easy one, tell me what's wrong here:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, guys, the word is "scepter", not "sceptor".
<-------------------------------->
"ZZZZZZZZZT!"

TITLE: Super Friends V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Sholly Fisch (writer).

DISSECTION: I know this is a book aimed at children, and I find it pretty good, even to read it to my own kid. However, being a kids book does not give you a license to write as if for idiots. Amazo, the android who can copy all of the Super Friend's powers, is defeated because they dupe him into duplicating Aquaman's powers, jumping into the water and short-circuiting, because... "everyone knows that water and electrical machines don't mix!" Sholly, even kids have heard about submarines and motor boats.... Not only you're treating kids as morons, but you're swiping a story from the Super Friends cartoon, where Batman defeats ROMAK, the evil computer, with a bucket of water ("The Evil Machines").

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BLACK CELEBRATION."

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: Annual 02.

CULPRIT: Jorge Molina (colorist).

DISSECTION: Superman's emblem in a monitor has the background colored in black. Nice of Joe Kelly to nod to the Silver Age story where Superman loses his powers and becomes Supernova; but he should have changed the name and costume (which looks silly) after 52, with this story being early in their careers, why didn't anybody make any mention of the "original" Supernova during the missing year?

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ONE EARTH."

TITLE: Tangent: Superman's Reign (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 12.

CULPRIT: Dan Jurgens (writer).

DISSECTION: There's a sequence in the "central" DCU, which is labeled as "Earth-1"; but Earth-1 is a different one, this should be New Earth, as there's Earths "New to 51".

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, John Stewart's costume bracers are colored silver.
<-------------------------------->
Well, 21 dissections and an average of 7.1 Bazzars... not that's more like it! Moments Of The Week, now, we start with P.I.M.P.:


Sorry, I meant H.E.R.B.I.E.! Next, fear Spin, a villain who gets his powers from BDSMing an alien!


Disturbing... not as much as that snake a few columns ago, but still... Then, the fight we all want to see:


Place your bets! Mine's on the dragon, of course. And now, Spidey does the unexpected:


He gives JJJ yet another heart attack!!! Now, a funny scene from Everybody's Dead:


The frat's Recording Secretary, Mosby, show's a rival fraternity what it is to stare at a barrel of a gun... or at least, at Megatron's! Next up, Alfred shows his taste in cars:


Heh! Then, the Dibnys return!


I did NOT expect that. And for a finale, somebody gets sliced and diced by a WWI fighter plane!


Guts, it had to be Ennis, and guts! That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The Dissector #66.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"That's my name! And when you write it, don't forget the hyphen! You wouldn't believe how many Google searches that screws up!" Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #553.

Almost there, almost there!!! This is the column for comics published on 03/12, which means that I'm now only one column behind!!! The Dissect This! from last column was correctly spotted by Snakebyte (and ShadZ), as Wolverine's claws making a "snikt" sound, a sound they only make when coated in adamantium; something that hadn't happened yet by WWII. Before we get on with the rest of the column, I want to invite all of my readers to join the Independent Comics Site forums, to comment on the reviews and articles from the site, and engage in interesting discussions about our hobby. There are a few Dissector fans there, too, so you won't feel alone.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week; Best Book Of The Week goes to Star Wars: Legacy #21.Why? Good understanding by writer John Ostrander of the Star Wars universe, and appropriate art by Omar Francia and good colors by Brad Anderson, all together to create an excellent issue. Yet again we get away from Jedi/Sith rivalries, which are not all there is to the Star Wars Universe, and we get a space battle worthy of a Timothy Zahn or Michael Stackpole Star Wars novel (or better yet, a Star Wars movie… well, almost). Admiral Gar Stazi comes out as a great tactician for the New Repu... Galactic Alliance; and strikes the Empire a deadly blow. Just good Star Wars... plain and simple as that.

Worst Book Of The Week? New Exiles #3, hands down. Chris Claremont continues to weave a boring plot, with implausible use of powers by characters, stock characterization, and just plain dumb plot points such as "We were so much in synch that the psychic shock of our punches hit her astral body with the force of physical blows." Uhm... what?!??!!? Tom Grummet provides acceptable art; but Wilfredo Quintana's colors don't help, being to flat.
<-------------------------------->
"TAMBIEN QUIERO LEER EL DIARIO EL MUNDO."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 553.

CULPRIT: Bob Gale (writer).

DISSECTION: A Hispanic janitor at the hospital JJJ is in recognizes the "bugle" of the (now) DB newspaper logo as "trompeta", which actually means "trumpet". The word for "bugle" in Spanish is "clarín", with "El Clarín" being the translation for the Daily Bugle's name in Spanish language Spidey comics.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars, then again, the janitor might not know the actual word for "bugle" in Spanish.
<-------------------------------->
"KRAUT LESSONS."

TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Dan Slott (writer).

DISSECTION: Once again, Dominik B. enlightens us on the wonders of fake Kraut: "On page 14, Baron von Blitzschlag goes “Mein Kinder… My dear boys.” This is another typical case of Babelfish German, where the author just slammed in some random translation obviously not paying attention to the Kraut’s Grammar. The correct version would be “Meine Kinder... My dear boys” as “Kinder” is a plural of “Das Kind” and is formed by putting the female “Die” in front of the pluralized noun. Obviously, the preposition needs to be adapted. Something that Babelfish just can’t do. Once more, Marvel, if you need help in German translations, drop me a line and I’m willing to help for free."

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. There also another minor German-related dissection spotted by Dom, who is three badges away from being a Lt. Cmdr.!
<-------------------------------->
"FAIRY TALE QUESTIONS."

TITLE: Avengers Fairy Tales (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: João Lemos (artist).

DISSECTION: Why oh why, does Lemos not draw faces on characters when there's more than one or two people in a given panel? He does it several times.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. I am, however, amazed that Lemos' name is correctly written.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M SO GOOD, I THINK OF MY IDEAS BEFORE I GET THEM!"

TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer) and/or Rags Morales (penciller).

DISSECTION: The new Wrath tells how the original one styled himself as an anti-Batman (didn't we have that with Proteus?) after he saw Batman's contribution to Jim Gordon's professional success... yet he's shown, arguably before that decision, already in costume.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TEMPORAL DYES."

TITLE: Booster Gold V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Rip Hunter's hair is colored brown, when it should be blond.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars, also, Booster uses the word "salesmen" instead of "salesman" when referring to Max Lord. Oh, and Rip's eyes should be blue, not brown.
<-------------------------------->
"YOU SAY WHAT?"

TITLE: Countdown To Mistery (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 08.

CULPRIT: Pat Brosseau (letterer).

DISSECTION: On page 25, first panel, a word balloon is in the wrong place, pointing to the wrong character, and joined to another balloon for that character, leading to some confusion.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, it is mentioned that the Tower Of Fate no longer stands, which is not true., though it might be incomplete knowledge on the character's part.
<-------------------------------->
"THEY'RE SHRINKING!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Tom Derenick (penciller).

DISSECTION: Una's bracers are once more reduced to mere bracelets.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, it's really getting old. Also, we have problems with Kyle's emblem again (wrongly drawn and colored), and Mary Marvel having incomplete eyes in one particular panel.
<-------------------------------->
"CALL HIM BAÑE."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Scott Beatty (writer, Bane origin story) and/or Travis Lanham (letterer, same story).

DISSECTION: The Santa Prisca prison Bane was born and grew up in is called "PeÑa Duro", not "Pena Duro".

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHACKY-WACKY!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 65.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Yet another misstep that Snakebyte catches me in! I wrote "Whacker" instead of "Wacker", when referring to how Steven Wacker credited himself in ASM #552. Heh, this week he credited himself as "Stephen Wacker... Freak"!

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MANY RINGS TO RULE THEM ALL!"

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Nelson (penciller).

DISSECTION: A flashback is shown of Hal Jordan cutting off Boodikka's hand and taking her power ring... but there are too many rings on Jordan's hand.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, it is Boodikka's recollection and her memories might not be entirely right.
<-------------------------------->
"I BORROWED HAL'S."

TITLE: JLA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 54.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (penciller).

DISSECTION: John Stewart's chest emblem is incorrect. And what the hell is up with the JLA in this book? They KILLED Titus!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, one word balloon reads "JUSTICELEAGUE", and John Stewart has no pupils or irises in one of the last pages... in a close-up, to boot.
<-------------------------------->
"DEVIL ARMADILLO."

TITLE: Marvel Comics Presents V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Joyce Chin (artist, Savage Land story).

DISSECTION: For some reason, Devil Dinosaur is drawn as if his skin has plates, like an armadillo.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. And of course, USAgent.
<-------------------------------->
"SAVAGE DISSECTION."

TITLE: Marvel Comics Presents V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Joyce Chin (artist, Savage Land story).

DISSECTION: This is a double Dissect This! It's about the same thing, and that's your only clue. One badge for each dissection you spot.


DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars for one, 8 for the other one. No, it's not Storm's lack of eyes, she MIGHT be using her powers.... although I don't see why.
<-------------------------------->
"YO, SUP, THIS IS VIC VON DOOM!"

TITLE: The Mighty Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: "Okay"? Doctor Doom says "Okay"?!?!?!?

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. One would think Bendis can get Doom's dialogue right, but noooooo.
<-------------------------------->
"DID STORM AND SUPERMAN LEND YOU THEIR POWERS?"

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Psylocke tracks Rogue and her new friends by "flying to the edge of space and scoping out the air currents down below". WTF??!?! First, what is "the edge of space"? And there is no way that Psylocke can survive outside of the atmosphere, or almost outside of it, and there's also no way she can track people by "scoping out" air currents!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Again, Morph's true identity is ignored
<-------------------------------->
"THANK YOU, DATA."

TITLE: Salvation Run (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 07.

CULPRIT: Matthew Sturges (writer).

DISSECTION: Why is Metallo talking like Silver Age Brainiac? "I project a forty-seven percent probability that we may damage him permanently if we attack in concert." Oooookaaaay....

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. And Metallo had that flying surfboard before, why does he have two flying trashcan lids now? And also, Mammoth's hair is still colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"DAXAM IS NOT LIKE THIS!!! AH, NEVER MIND..."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 674.

CULPRIT: Kurt Busiek (writer).

DISSECTION: I've explained my apprehension on both the Silver Age revival Superman is experimenting, and the fact that his entire continuity is being revised post-Infinite Crisis. In fact, I wish I had the time to write an article on the latter subject. However, despite my misgivings, I accept that both are perfectly valid paths for DC to take, and in the second issue's case, as long as they come out and say "this is the new Superman continuity, ignore what was written before). Still, when this soft reboot clashes with things recently established within DCU continuity, I draw the line. Mon-El's recollection of Daxam paints a world where... and, you know what? I was going to rant on how this Daxam was nothing like the one shown in Sodam Yat's origin, yet I just realized that Mon-El followed Superman's rocket to Earth after Krypton's destruction, which could mean that he's form the past. So, ignore this one.

DISSECT-O-METER: N/A.
<-------------------------------->
"NEXT, THE DAILY FUGLE."

TITLE: Superman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: B. Clay Moore (writer) and/or Rob Clark Jr. (letterer).

DISSECTION: One of Perry's speech balloons says "Daily Flanet"... lol, "Flanet"!

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CHEAP PAINT."

TITLE: Thunderbolts (Marvel).

ISSUE: 119.

CULPRIT: Rain Beredo (colorist).

DISSECTION: The Swordsman paints his newly-acquired personal guard (bribed/subverted CSA troopers) with his colors (purple and blue), yet when they scramble out of the door, they're blue only, or at most, have too little purple paint.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"COSPLAYERS!"

TITLE: Wonder Woman V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Bernard Chang (artist).

DISSECTION: The Khunds look too human, they’re just taller, stockier humans with pointed ears and pink skin.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CONTACT-USING DUPE."

TITLE: X-Factor V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 29.

CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).

DISSECTION: It's Jeremy, again at Marvel! But he's still up to his old antics, and in this case, he colored Jamie Madrox's eyes green, when they're brown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
So, the average went up, with 5.8 Bazzars in 34 dissections, bringing us up to a more normal level. Wait... why am I happy when there's higher ratings? That's wrong!!! Ah, whatever. Let's get on with the Moments Of The Week. Let's start with Nemesis, after being courted by Wonder Woman, realizes something we all knew along, but never had canon confirmation for:


Yeah baby! Amazon society is like a Skinemax film! Bow-chika-bow-wow!!! Next, one of the funny moments Atomic Robo has made us grown used to:


Classic! Makes us wish that the next Atomic Robo mini comes soon. Then, the worst state to be stationed as an Initiative team:


Hehe! Now, don't trust magic objects too much:


That's gotta hurt! Another lesson:


Don't play tag with a Flash! And last, but definitely not least, Captain Jaius Yorub sacrifices himself, and the Indomitable, to deliver a crippling blow to the Empire's shipyards.


Way to go! That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Monday, March 24, 2008

The Dissector #65.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Watching was Charles the Dominator of family on TV--SUBMISSION OF NICOLE EGGERT!" The Head, All-New Atom #21.

Catching up as fast as possible; this is the first column dealing with books published in March, specifically, the week of 03/05. Last columns DT! was correctly spotted by "Mini-Dissector" himself, Snakebyte, as Data being referred to as a Lieutenant, instead of a Lieutenant Commander. Any geek, particularly any geek as geeky as Gordo (from KODT) knows that!

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week? Well, Best Book once again goes to Amazing Spider-Man, this time issue #552; as Brand New Day keeps moving along at a nice pace. Nice overall plot by the whole writing team, and although Bob Gale (co-writer and co-producer of the Back To The Future Trilogy, among other things, including some Batman and Daredevil comics) is not as fun to read as, say, Dan Slott, he does do a good job on his issues. Phil Jimenez delivers fantastic art, with great, distinct faces that let you know immediately who's who, and enhanced by Andy Lanning's inks. My only complain is that Jeromy Cox (first time I see him in Marvel book, that I recall) colors the issue a bit flatly, making it seem an issue from the mid-to-late-90s; when they traditional coloring and computer color separations; and not a modern comic, where all coloring is made by computer. By the way, I just realized that Stephen Wacker is crediting himself as "Stephen Whack Her"...

Worst Book Of The Week goes to Countdown Presents; Lord Havok And The Extremists 05 of 06. It's not BAD per se, but it wasn't a good comic either. Boring and predictable story by Frank Tieri, uninspired and low-detailed art by Liam Sharp and Mark Robinson, and flat colors (as with Cox, see above) by Dave Baron. Definitely a lackluster miniseries, this one, and in a week where I didn't ready any reaaaally bad books, this took the cake. Alright, time for the dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"THE INCREDIBLE SIZE-CHANGING BABY!"

TITLE: Cable V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Ariel Olivetti (artist).

DISSECTION: That damn Mutant Messiah baby keeps changing sizes, it's outrageous!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SORRY, BUT YOU'RE NOT THE ONE..."

TITLE: Clandestine V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 05

CULPRIT: Alan Davis (writer).

DISSECTION: Adam Destine tells how, during the Crusades, he was the supposed fulfiller of a prophecy about a "red-haired infidel"... only he's clearly blonde, both currently, and in the flashback panels.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Tom Chu (probably the cover colorist).

DISSECTION: Mary Marvel's lightning is yellow on the cover.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THAT, TOO."

TITLE: DC Special: Raven (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Damion Scott (penciller).

DISSECTION: Raven's Tattoo is missing from her lower back. Granted, she could be hiding it somehow. Why does DC, incidentally, name this DC Special: Raven, instead of just Raven, or at least Raven: The Something? Beats me.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars. Also, her eyes are purple, when they should be blue, and in between mentions of pop culture "Avrill" is mentioned, presumably referring to "Avril Lavigne." (but that gets a veeeery low rating... just a 1).
<-------------------------------->
"DISBELIEVE!!!! DISBELIEVE!!!"

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 842.

CULPRIT: Peter Milligan (writer).

DISSECTION: Why has the notion of Batman not believing in mystical energies or objects taken such a deep root among writers? He's seen and fought numerous magic users, he's fought alongside Dr. Fate and is friends with Zatanna. Why can he doubt that a suit of armor can have magical properties?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ULTIMATE GOOF-UP."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 64.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Snakebyte called me on two mistakes, for one I wrote "The Ultimates 3 V1"; when I had actually said in the previous column "The Ultimates V3".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, I also called Liz Allan "Allen".
<-------------------------------->
"GREEN LAANTERN."

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 28.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Salaak. Ugh!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"A SOUND DISSECTION."

TITLE: Logan (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Check out this panel, and FYI, this is Logan in WWII:


DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PACKS ROMANA."

TITLE: Pax Romana (Image).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Hickman (writer) and/or unnamed letterer.

DISSECTION: The character "Nicholas" is referred to as "Nickolas" in one page.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH, OH, WHERE DID YOU LO-GO?"

TITLE: Powers V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 28.

CULPRIT: Michael Avon Oeming (artist).

DISSECTION: One character has a logo (presumably a Super Shock emblem) that comes and goes from his t-shirt.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I DON'T ANYTHING HERE."

TITLE: The Sisterhood (Archaia Studios Press).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Christopher Golden & Thomas E. Sniegoski (writers) and/or Marshall Dillon (letterer).

DISSECTION: This one comes from Dominik B.: "On Page 10, the terrorist guy says “I don’t you who you are...” when there should quite probably be a verb instead of the first “you."

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MAGICAL MISTERY EURO-TOUR!"

TITLE: The Sisterhood (Archaia Studios Press).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Wellington Alves (artist).

DISSECTION: Dom also tells us that "Vienna doesn’t look anything like it’s shown on page 18. Europe isn’t this para-medieval wonderland full of castles and green forests. Vienna is actually a rather big city."

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, another lettering or writing error, reported by Dom as well; there are quotation marks without a reason in speech balloons on page 21.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S A BFG!"

TITLE: Teen Titans Year One (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Karl Keschl (artist) and/or Amy Wolfram (writer).

DISSECTION: Look at the picture below, and you'll see that Kerschl not only neglected to correctly represent the famous sculpture called "Non-Violence" (part of the UN art collection at its headquarters in NYC, and usually called "Knotted Gun"), but he also decided (perhaps writer Amy Wolfram too) to make it gigantic, just so Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl could stand on it and look down at normal people. Not only did they enlarge it; they couldn't even get the shape of the base well, and numerous other details in the sculpture itself.


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE HELMETS ARE FEELING BLUE."

TITLE: Teen Titans Year One (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Karl Keschl (artist) and/or Amy Wolfram (writer).

DISSECTION: The UN Headquarters in NYC have their own, civilian, security force; there's absolutely no deployment of "blue helmet" DPKO (Department Of Peacekeeping Operations) troops inside of it. Then why are DPKO troopers pointing assault rifles and other firearms at Wonder Woman?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, as far as I know, Aqualad did not have the power to command water at this point in his life, and this point in time, while wearing his original costume (with red gloves and boots); Green Arrow did not sport a beard.
<-------------------------------->
"GETTAOUTTAHERE!"

TITLE: The Twelve (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 12.

CULPRIT: J. Michael Straczynski (writer).

DISSECTION: It's the 21st century Marvel 616 Earth; why would anyone doubt a superhero's origin story? Regardless of that, I am enjoying this book immensely.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GET OUT OF MY SITE!"

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 496.

CULPRIT: Will Panzo (assistant editor) and/or Nick Lowe (editor).

DISSECTION: Another one from Dominik; in the "previously" blurb, it reads “Cyclops found Iron Man at the sight of the ruined Xavier Mansion” when it should be “at the site".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AND WHAT'S A GALACTUS?"

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 496.

CULPRIT: Ed Brubaker (writer).

DISSECTION: Cyclops does not know what a Celestial is. However when he was in X-Factor, they encountered Celestials, and even LIVED IN A SHIP WHICH WAS OF CELESTIAL ORIGIN. Even if at the time he did not know what they were called; he should know by now.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
So, we have 21 dissections in total, with an average of 4.9 Bazzars... lower than usual, but still higher than last time. Let's wrap up this column (with luck, I should be able to crank out another one before my shift ends, since it's a slow day at work) with the Moments Of The Week. Let us start with something we knew was coming, but still made me go "Whoa!":


Yup, a Red Lantern, and it's not a commie! I know Laira is not the first, but being a former GL, it's more shocking. Next up, Penance beats the crap out of Nitro:


Now that's what I call anger management!!! Lastly, the all grown-up son of Mr. E, one of the heroes from The Twelve, looks just like former Uruguayan president Jorge Batlle:


Yep, now we can be certain he's a comic book character, alright! That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The Dissector #64.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Pants, then spaceship. In that order." Jaime Reyes (Blue Beetle III) escaping from an alien mothership, Blue Beetle V7 #24.

Still playing catch-up, here are the dissections for the comics released on the week of 02/27, which at least lets us finish with the month of February. That quote up there is one of the reasons I just love the current Blue Beetle book. But more on that later; on another topic, the DT! from last column was not found by any of my readers, so I will reveal it myself. The problem was that the General is not drawn as tall as he should, he should be several feet taller than Bronze Tiger, yet he's just a couple of heads taller.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week goes to, as you could guess from above, Blue Beetle V7 #24. John Rogers provide an excellent match of action, drama and humor; along with excellent dialogues; and while Rafael Albuquerque's art is not my cup of tea; it's almost flawless. The ending of this issue is also a great, as you'll see in the Moments Of The Week.

Worst Book Of The Week was Crime Bible: Five Lessons Of Blood. I never liked the art, and while I like Greg Rucka and the Question is one of my favorite characters (at least Vic Sage), Renee Montoya is just not cutting it for me... plus, this last issue, the ending, was just... meh. On to the dissections, then!
<-------------------------------->
"SUPER-DISSECTIVE!"

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 862.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer) and/or Rob Leigh (letterer).

DISSECTION: The Legion of Substitute Heroes does not have a hyphen between the last two words.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar, plus the powers aren't listed properly, as usual.
<-------------------------------->
"THAT'S A FAKE BADGE!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Tom Derenick (penciller).

DISSECTION: Kyle Rayner's chest emblem is drawn incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars, he also drew the Piper's sunglasses wrong again, and Pete Pantazis colored the emblem incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"ULTIMATE VOLUME."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 63.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Snakebyte correctly pointed out (and gets his sixth badge, making him a Lieutenant) that the current Ultimates book is "The Ultimates 3", and not "The Ultimates 3 V1", as I dubbed it. Not a mistake on my part, but a choice, and a wrong one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WELD?"

TITLE: Hybrid Bastards (Archaia Studios Press).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Tom Pinchuk (writer) and/or non-credited letterer.

DISSECTION: The word "wield" is spelled as "weild".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"MARTIAN POWERS."

TITLE: JLA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 53.

CULPRIT: Roger Stern (writer).

DISSECTION: Since when can the Martian Manhunter draw strength and mass from the Earth to increase his own?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HE'S TALKING ABOUT UNDERDEVELOPED COUNTRIES."

TITLE: Justice Society of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Superman (from Kingdom Come) does not know what Gog meant with "Third World"; when he should be familiar with the term "Fourth World" for the New Gods. Heck, at least as a former journalist (or anyone with some education) should know the non-DC meaning of the term.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. Also, we have our customary Cyclone costume error (reported by Miss Kitty Fantastico, who just made Lt. Cmdr. in the HDSC!!!!), this time by the colorist, and also, Geoff Johns conveniently forgets that Jimmy Olsen is not just Perry's errand boy.
<-------------------------------->
"KNIGHTS OF THE DISSECTION TABLE."

TITLE: Knights Of The Dinner Table (Kenzer & Co.).

ISSUE: 133.

CULPRIT: Jolly Blackburn and/or Steve Johansson (writers).

DISSECTION: No, you don't have to know anything about KODT to find out this Dissect This! It's not about the plot, in fact, it's not about this comic at all.


DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MICRO LAD!"

TITLE: The Legion of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 39.

CULPRIT: Jim Shooter (writer).

DISSECTION: Colossal Boy powers, in this continuity, are not growing to giant size; he's a giant that shrinks to normal human size.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. There's also a small art error on Francis Manapul's part.
<-------------------------------->
"YOU KNOW HOW ACTRESSES ONLY PRETEND TO BE NAKED IN SOME SCENES?"

TITLE: Ultimate Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 119.

CULPRIT: Stuart Immonen (penciller).

DISSECTION: According to Tylo, at one point, Liz Allen, who's supposed to be naked, is clearly seen to have a sleeve when she's shutting her flame off.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars, as it could be a shadow and the edge of the blanket she's covering herself with.
<-------------------------------->
"ATTACK OF THE FIFTY FOOT RADIOACTIVE MAN!"

TITLE: World War Hulk Aftersmash: Damage Control (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Salva Espin (artist). Odd, he's sometimes credited as Salvador Espin, and Marvel.com's own database has the two names as separate people.

DISSECTION: The Radioactive man, who's 6'6", is pictured as being about a feet and a half taller than the Swordsman, who's 5'9". What's odd, is that on the page before, their heights look correct.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, just for not being able to keep things consistent. Also, Ares has no pupils or irises.
<-------------------------------->
"FROSTY... FROSTY...."

TITLE: X-Men: Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 208.

CULPRIT: David Finch (cover penciller).

DISSECTION: Great, yet another renamed title.... which will go back to calling itself X-Men in a few months....Finch draws the original X-Men in the cover, in their early days; yet he draws Iceman in his "iceman", rather than "snowman" form.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Ohmahgauze; as my friend Jess would say; lowest average ever! 4.1 Bazzars, in nineteen dissections. That'll be tough to beat, considering that the lowest average was 4.6, back in column #14. Now, what's not low is the amount of Moments Of The Week, there's nine, count 'em, nine of them. First up, the Subs attack using a space-bus, and Stone Boy gives the Justice League Of Earth the double-double space bird:

He literally rocks. Next, Batman gets prank calls:

Heh! Then, Blue Beetle surprises us:

For those of you not in the know, those are the magic words that the original Blue Beetle, Dan Garrett, used to activate his powers. Then, Apokolips goes chumbawumba:

Holy shit! Next up, you know how teachers say they have eyes on their back?

Well, Eyefull Ethel has eyes on her rack! We go on with some Star Wars; what are they using to wax Star Destroyer floors?

Or is that Admiral just flexible and likes to show off? More from the Titans, next; somebody raids Wonder Girl's panty drawer.

Uhm... is she still underage? Almost at the end, we get the Asgardians sitting in a town meeting:

Very funny... and last... one of the creepiest things I've seen in comics:

Eww..... really, ewwwwwww!!!!! That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Monday, March 17, 2008

The Dissector #63.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Stuck in that suit for eternity. Wolfram & Hart's cruelest act yet." Lorne, about Wesley, Angel: After The Fall #4.

Welcome to the column on comics published on 02/20; we're that much closer to catching up! That quote up there is another proof of Joss Whedon's ability to (along with his co-writer, Brian Lynch), to make comics read like an episode of one of his TV shows. The DT! from last column was spotted by the Guvnor, who correctly said that Pied Piper's sunglasses were the wrong shape... badge for him!

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week for this particular week were pretty simple. Best Book Of The Week goes to Amazing Spider-Man V1 #551. It has it all, action, humor, and even tragedy. Writer Marc Guggenheim (along with the rest of the Spidey-team: Gale, Slott and Wells), know how to write the characters, and while Salvador Larroca's art is not as good as the weeks we get Phil Jimenez, but with the late Stephane Peru's colors, it doesn't look as static or plastic as Larroca's recent X-Men stuff.

The Worst Book Of The Week? Zorro #1; this new incarnation of the character has potential, with a good writer as Matt Wagner and decent art by Francesco Francavilla, however, Wagner tried to revamp Zorro and his take on the character's origin just doesn't cut it. Wasn't it enough for Diego de la Vega to be an aristocrat that feels the pain of the oppressed populace, did he really have to be a half-native kid who goes on a spirit quest sponsored by his medicine woman grandmother, where he meet s a fox which becomes his spirit totem? Was that mystic hullabaloo really necessary for a character as straightforward as Zorro?

On top of that, Wagner felt the need to have every word in ten be in Spanish; even though the book is written in English? I can understand the occasional "Señor" (although they misspell it) or "Señorita"; as well as the obvious "Zorro", but he really takes it too far. At least Wagner makes Diego's mother a member of the geographically correct Tongva or Gabrielite tribe. Ah well, the book is actually good, except for the language thing, and the mystical element, it's worth reading the next issue. That's it for foreplay, onto the dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"SQUEEZE THEM ORANGES!"

TITLE: Batman And The Outsiders V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Marta Martinez (colorist).

DISSECTION: Grace eyes are not orange; yes, she wears contacts, but not that color. Yes, she could use a different color, but I'm more in line with thinking it's a mistake.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"HE'S THE WHAT OF A WHAT AND A WHAT?"

TITLE: Brave And The Bold V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Mark Waid (writer).

DISSECTION: Aquaman is not the son of a surface man and an Atlantean woman.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, all the Atlanteans are missing their fins.
<-------------------------------->
"CHECK MATE."

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 23.

CULPRIT: Greg Rucka (writer) and/or Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: Fire's name, again.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH, YE GODS!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Scott Kolins (artist).

DISSECTION: Why do the Greek gods have no pupils? All except one have white, empty orbs. And, can't consider it a dissection; because she wouldn't know, and they could be lying, but the Olympians never gave Mary Marvel her powers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PLOT MECHANICS."

TITLE: The Flash V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 237.

CULPRIT: Keith Champagne (writer).

DISSECTION: Wally West searches for a job and is told he's under qualified for the positions he applies for, then he whines about not being able to get a job... err... has Champagne forgotten that Wally does know a trade? He is a mechanic, and used to work for the Keystone City Police Department! Yes, I can believe him applying for jobs as a mechanic, or even at the KCPD itself, and getting turned down because... I don't know, lack of available positions, or unreliability (which I doubt since, he probably could finish all his work with a little speed even if he had to disappear for superheroics), but they don't even mention it, and that shows a lack of knowledge of the character you're writer, even if you're a guest scripter.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DID SHE GO TO THAT CLINIC JACKO WENT TO?"

TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 08.

CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).

DISSECTION: Valkyra, Orion's first wife, is shown as Caucasian-skinned, but she was black (and mother of Vykin, from the Forever People).

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HULK SHRINK!"

TITLE: Hulk V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Ed McGuiness (penciller).

DISSECTION: While Ed McGuiness has a style that fits a hulking character like, well, the Hulk, like a glove; either this new red Hulk shifts sizes between panels; or Ed is making some mistakes. First, each of his fingers is the size of Iron Man's torso, and he carries She-Hulk in his best King Kong impression, but then, it's his whole hand that's the size of Iron Man's torso.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars. BTW, I didn't realize this was V3 before.
<-------------------------------->
"SUICIDE DISSECTION."

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Ed Benes (penciller).

DISSECTION: Check this out, tell me what's wrong with this picture:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There's also a few other errors, pencilling, writing, and coloring, to a total of five for the whole issue. Still, it was a fun issue all in all.
<-------------------------------->
"I DISBELIEVE!"

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 46.

CULPRIT: Michael Green & Mike Johnson (writers).

DISSECTION: Really, Batman, who's seen lots of things, who even has enemies with mystical powers, does not believe in magic? Please!

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"REBOOT RANT."

TITLE: Superman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: B. Clay Moore (writer), DC editorial.

DISSECTION: Well... I was going to rant about how Superman builds Jimmy Olsen's signal watch, instead of Jimmy himself... but really, I have to accept that DC has decided to throw out all pre-Infinite Crisis continuity and just begin anew; Confidential was supposed to tell "untold stories", but now they're just redoing his past.... I can't consider this a dissection, but I'm just pissed.

If Infinite Crisis was a reboot, just come the fuck out and say it, don't go the Marvel route as they are doing with "X-Men: First Class"! I'll hate the reboot, but I'll eventually learn to live with it (such as people older than me learned to live with Byrne's reboot of Supes). But just say it.

DISSECT-O-METER: N/A.
<-------------------------------->
"MACNETO."

TITLE: The Ultimates V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Jeph Loeb (writer) and/or Richard Starkings (letterer).

DISSECTION: Magneto's name (fake or otherwise) is Erik Lehnsherr, not Eric Lensherr (even in the Ultimate universe).

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SOUR MILK."

TITLE: The Umbrella Academy (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: Gerard Way (writer) and/or Gabriel Bá (artist).

DISSECTION: The book ends with Spaceboy making himself a sandwich, and on the table there's a milk carton showing 00.05 as missing; the problem is, he disappeared 20 years ago...

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YOUNGER WOMAN!"

TITLE: Wonder Girl (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: Sanford Greene (penciller).

DISSECTION: Why does Helena Sandsmark look as young as her daughter, and nothing as she should?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ÑACAÑACAÑACAÑACAÑACAÑACAÑACAÑACAÑACAÑACAÑACAÑACA!"

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer) and/or Simon Bowland (letterer).

DISSECTION: You know what I think of this book already, so let's get straight to the dissections (plenty of them, and yes, most related to their use of Spanish). The first one is from the first page, while the name Gonzales, ending in "S" is a Portuguese, and not Spanish name, I can allow it, since it's possible there's someone there with Portuguese blood... but the word for "sir" or "mister" in Spanish is "señor"; not "senor".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. And they do it every single time the word "señor" is called for.
<-------------------------------->
"MOTHER..."

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: "Mother of God" is "Madre DE Dios", not "Madre Dios".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THIS IS THE LA COLUMNA OF EL DISECTOR!"

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: I'm sorry, if the comic is in English, and we're reading the dialogues translated from Spanish, why is there a need to have them utter a word every five in Spanish? We get it, it's California from when the Spanish owned it, we don't need you saying "pueblo", "siesta", "alcalde" and "caballero" every damn panel!

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars, it really is a stylistic choice, but it's a bad one.
<-------------------------------->
That's it, 23 dissections, an average of 5.4 Bazzars... lower than I expected. Just two Moments Of The Week this time around; first up, Zatanna casts the spell we all want her to cast on us:


And Batman's answer is great! Next up, Ultimate Wolverine is cold....


Remember Mad's "Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions"? That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

PS: Happy St. Patrick's day!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Dissector #62.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Great, it's one of those idiotic mental battles. At least there's no wirefr... He already got my arm?" Atomic Robo, Atomic Robo 05 of 06.

Here we are again; still catching up, this time with the books for 02/13. No celebrity deaths to report, at least none you'll know of, or geek-related. Dissect This! was guessed by Snakebyte, who's on a roll, and it was Jay Garrick's chest emblem. The Dissector Picks Of The Week? Well, despite that great quote, Atomic Robo #5 wasn't as good as usual, and I ended up picking New Avengers 38, with a simple tale of a couple falling of over ideologies, as the Best Book Of The Week. The Worst Book Of The Week was New Exiles #2, boring, generic.

Before we move onto the dissections, I read on this week's (03/12) DC Nation all about DC's Senior Pre-Press Artist, Cheryl Smith-Owens, aka "The Princess of Production"; where she tells us about her job, and how she corrects stuff like typos and "basically everything that needs to be right..." Hey, Cheryl, you think you got a job for me over there? That's it, it's dissection time!
<-------------------------------->
"THE QUESTION LIVES!"

TITLE: Atomic Robo (Red 5 Comics).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Scott Wegener (artist).

DISSECTION: People with no faces. Booo!

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WITH THIS RING..."

TITLE: Booster Gold V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 00.

CULPRIT: Dan Jurgens (penciller) and/or Norm Rapmund (finishes).

DISSECTION: Booster's Legion flight ring looks nothing like any LSH flight ring I've ever seen.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PIED DISSECTION."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Mike Norton (penciller).

DISSECTION: Check it out below... can you find it? It's hard... By the way, that's Pied Piper.


DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HE MIGHT BE SSAAD."

TITLE: Gotham Underground (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 09.

CULPRIT: Frank Tieri (writer) and/or Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: Desaad's name is spelled incorrectly, as "Dessaad".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I DECLARE YOU..."

TITLE: Green Arrow/Black Canary (DC).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).

DISSECTION: Since when does Wonder Woman have the ability to marry people? I could understand if she could do that in Themyscira, or in the Themysciran embassy (if there was still one)... but in Oliver Queen's house?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Red Arrow's hair is colored incorrectly... and not a dissection, but that's the worst Hal Jordan I've ever seen... I didn't even recognize him until I read a review! Would it kill André Coelho to make faces a little more detailed?
<-------------------------------->
"WHEN CAPTAIN AMERICA THROWS HIS MIGHTY SHIELD... HE CATCHES A DIFFERENT ONE?"

TITLE: Marvel Comics Presents V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Jeremy Haun (penciller).

DISSECTION: Captain America is shown in June, 1944, jumping from a plane over France (presumably D-Day), carrying his original shield, not the disc-shaped one. Now, all I've seen indicates that his circular shield was given to him by FDR very early in his career, way before 1944. Still, regardless of the date, he's shown here wearing his definitive costume, the one that has a cowl instead of an independent mask (which left the back of his neck exposed); that modification to his costume was made almost at the same time he got the new shield.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There are two more errors, including USAgent, as usual.
<-------------------------------->
"NOT HIM."

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Jordan D. White (assistant editor) and/or Mark Paniccia (senior editor).

DISSECTION: Again, no acknowledgement of Morph not being Morph in the character roster. You'd think that'd be important for readers to know.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHICH ONE IS HE?"

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer) and/or Simon Bowland (letterer).

DISSECTION: Atlantean Warlord Krang is referred to as Kang, which, as you all know, is a completely different character. Or at least, Marvel writers and letterers should know.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Yes, it might be a typo, but it turns his name into another character's. Also, Claremont uses the French word "droit", which means "right", as in "are you all right"; when it doesn't have that meaning in French.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S A SKRULL!!!!"

TITLE: New Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 38.

CULPRIT: Jose Villarubia (colorist).

DISSECTION: Baby Cage's (Danielle) skin is colored incorrectly, almost the same skin tone as her mother, when it has been shown that she's got definitely darker skin.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HOLOCLOTHING."

TITLE: Star Trek: The Next Generation: Intelligence Gathering (IDW).

ISSUE: 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: David Messina.(artist).

DISSECTION: This issue wasn't as bad as the previous one, both in art and in script... however, there are some errors. First of all, and I won't consider this a dissection, but it is kind of weird, Ro Laren is training in a holodeck; not with some outlandish program, but just with sandbags and regular gym equipment; when all Starfleet ships have dedicated gym facilities. But the point is actually the fact that's she's wearing some sort of martial arts outfit; but when the holodeck is turned off, she's wearing her uniform (and not wearing her headband anymore, though she usually wears it).

Every single holodeck episode in any of the three Star Trek shows that have featured such device show us that characters go into the holodeck already dressed for the action; and that if she was wearing clothes generated inside the holodeck, they wouldn't have magically transformed into her uniform; she would have either kept the clothes (I guess you can program the holodeck to do that), or she would have been naked.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Messina keeps NOT DRAWING FACES!!!!!
<-------------------------------->
"THAT'S WHAT I CALL INSIGHT..."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 673.

CULPRIT: Kurt Busiek (writer).

DISSECTION: Superman frees himself from the Insect Queen's control with.... "AN INTERNAL HEAT-VISION JOLT"?!??!?! WTF?!??!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, if it took weeks for the baseball to reach the moon, how is it flying at such a speed to hit the Insect Queen so hard that she makes a crater on the moon surface?
<-------------------------------->
"HE'S SO FAST HE WRITES HIS NAME ALL TOGETHER."

TITLE: Tiny Titans (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Art Baltazar & Franco (writers) and/or Nick J. Napolitano (letterer).

DISSECTION: Funny book, I didn't think I'd like it...but I did (see the Moments Of The Week for an example). However, they wrote "Kidflash" instead of "Kid Flash" in one page.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
Sweet and quick, 18 dissections, for an average of 5.8 Bazzars. Let's get the Moments Of The Week started; first up we have a Blue & Gold banter exchange:


Classic! Then one of those funny-ass moments Atomic Robo has gotten us used to:


Cliché? Yes. Funny? Of course. Then, the Thing show's us why he's suave, despite his rocky exterior:


Then, Sven, from Northlanders, beheads someone:


What, you ask, is so cool? He's BEHEADING a dude!!!!! Now, Gorilla Grodd beats the poop out of Monsieur Mallah... using his Mallah's own lover, The Brain!!!!


Fantastic! (yes, read that word with a Christopher Eccleston Doctor Who accent, please.) Next up; Tiny Titans has the balls to say what we all thought:


Cassie, that is NOT a costume! That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Dissector #61.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I'm Starman. I'm from the future. WEEEOOOOEEEE!" Starman (Thom Kallor), Justice Society Of America V3 #12.

Wow, this was fast; here's another installment of my catch-up, this time for the comics released on the week of 02/06; first week of February. In fact, I could have released this column a bit earlier; but I was waiting on the confirmation of one piece of data. Also, I thought it best to let you guys breath a bit. That quote up there just cracked me up, and it also got to be one of the Moments Of The Week. Now, on to the preliminary part of the column, last time's Dissect This! was spotted by Snakebyte, and it was the fact that the civilian who was asking about his pants had his legs painted blue... badge for ya, Snakebyte!

As it has become horribly usual, we have bad news; Dave Stevens, creator of The Rocketeer, passed away today, from leukemia, at the age of 52. May he be rocketing through the sky. But, I have to move on with this column, so the Dissector's Picks Of The Week are up next: Best Book Of The Week goes to All-New Atom #20; a perfect ending for Gail Simone's run on the book. Action packed, funny, intelligent, all she had has used to. It almost was Doktor Sleepless #5, but as fun as that issue was, it wasn't as shocking as other Dok issues are.

The Worst Book Of The Week is, without a doubt, Speed Racer: Chronicles Of The Racer #1, in which writer Arie Kaplan wants us to get behind the idea that the "Racer" in the character's name is actually a title, handed down for generations, including a Roman charioteer named "Swiftus Maximus" with supporting cast members like "Sparkus" and "Popadopalus"? Also, the art by Robby Musso and German Torres is amateurish, belonging in a low quality webcomic. I hope I'm strong enough to not read the next issue.... A little note before we start with the dissections; last column I recommended a blog called "Profiles In Villainy"; it's actually called "Comic Coverage", you can find the right link (and not just to one tag, as I gave before) in the links section of my blog.
<-------------------------------->
"WE'RE SHORT-STAFFED."

TITLE: Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 549.

CULPRIT: Marc Guggenheim (writer).

DISSECTION: Dexter Bennett, the new publisher/owner of the Daily Bugle (sorry, "DB") says that the newspaper's building houses "32 editors, 16 reporters, 8 photographers"; which I find hard to believe. The Washington Post has 784 news and editorial employees, and only if 10% of those work in their building, that's almost double what the DB seems to have. The New York Times, which The Daily Bugle is supposed to be an equivalent of sorts, has 350 staff writers... see where I'm heading? Furthermore, I've been to El País, one of the national newspapers here in my country (we're barely more than 3.5 million people in Uruguay), and I saw, just in one of the floors, well over sixteen reporters.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I USE BEAUTY CREAMS."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: Jesus Saiz & Tom Derenick (pencillers).

DISSECTION: Granny Goodness is drawn looking too young.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Harley's sandal's change between pages.
<-------------------------------->
"BATMAN'S A BIT WUSSY THESE DAYS..."

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 841.

CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).

DISSECTION: Are we really supposed to believe that Batman considers some hired goons from the "Wonderland Gang" (lead, apparently, by the Mad Hatter), who don't even have metahuman powers, "formidable threats"??!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT'S IN A NAM?"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 60.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Sully caught me, I wrote "Tome Derenick", instead of "Tom..."

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"JUSTICE SOCIETY OF DISSECTIONS."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: Dale Eaglesham (penciller).

DISSECTION: I complain about this regularly.


DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, it's reached that point.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S BEEN SOOLONG..."

TITLE: Metal Men V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 08.

CULPRIT: Duncan Roleau (writer).

DISSECTION: Chemo (who's apparently sentient now, and the CEO of the evil corporation the MM face, don't get me started), says that Oolong has been liberated of its human overlords.... uhm.... last time we saw it, Dr. Cale was the head of state there...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Lead is called "Led".
<-------------------------------->
"SHOW SOME INITIATIVE, SCOTTY BOY."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 495.

CULPRIT: Ed Brubaker (writer).

DISSECTION: Tony Stark says that the government is pushing him to get the X-Men to register; to what Cyclops says that they're not "joining your Initiative. We're not working for the government." Seems to me that Brubaker does not understand what the Registration Acts entails; you don't have to work for the government, you just have to register if you have powers. If you want to be a superhero (regardless of whether you have powers or not); you have to register as one, and receive training and/or certification, but you don't have to work for the government if you don't want to.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHERE'S WULVERINE AND NIGHTCRUWLER?"

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 495.

CULPRIT: VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Pfft.... look below.


Hahahaha!!!! COLUSSUS!!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars
<-------------------------------->
This week we had just 10 dissections, and an equally low average: 5.3 Bazzars. Ah, never mind, let's enjoy the Moments Of The Week, shall we? First up, we have our quote of the week (or part of it)... it made me laugh hard:


Starman just wanted to make us laugh this week, and he went on to make out with himself:


Next, Spidey sings a variation to the lyrics of his theme song:


Uh-oh! Almost at the end, we get Ryan "Atom" Choi's fantasies:


He has the best super-villain induced hallucinations! And lastly, Doktor Sleepless blatantly lies to the authorities:


That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Monday, March 10, 2008

The Dissector #60.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Sweetie, I'll make soup with your knickers!" Random gang-banger, Andrea D #1.

What a beautiful pick up line! Here we are, with the dissections for the last week of January, comics released on 01/30. However, I must again deliver the sad news of somebody’s death, even if it's a bit late, of the demise Gary Gygax, co-creator of Dungeons & Dragons, and therefore, roleplaying games as such. He will be sorely missed; you can find the news here, and my tributes here, and here. Yes, he wasn’t a comic book creator, but he was a very influential man to me and many, and I needed to mention it.

But, life goes on... The Dissector Picks Of The Week were kind of easy; on one hand I'd liked to have Y: The Last Man's final issue as the Best Book Of The Week, but it left me with a kind of funny feeling... oh, you know what? I think that was the whole idea, the fact that there was no real closure. So yes, Issue #60 of that book is the week of 01/30's Best Book. And the Worst Book Of The Week? Well, issue 6 out of 6 of Captain American: The Chosen. Not only this mini was a story that could have been told in two issues at most, it also turns into the patriotic-ey bullshit that gives Captain America comics its bad name.

Last column's Dissect This! was that Rockslide's costume is yet again wrong; Teukro spotted it and gets a badge. Welcome to the HDSC, Ensign Teukro... and let's go with the dissections already, ok?
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"POWERLESS."

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 861.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Once more, important powers like Superman's invulnerability and speed are missing from his description. I can understand not mentioning his heat vision, or even his super senses (which are mentioned), but his invulnerability and speed?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, Dawnstar's flight ability is not mentioned, as isn't Polar Boy's cold generation power.
<-------------------------------->
"EMBASSIES HERE AND THERE."

TITLE: Black Adam: The Dark Age (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: Again, the Khandaq Embassy was in New York; the one in Gotham is just a consulate.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Oh, and of course, Cyclone makes an appearance, so her costume's wrong.
<-------------------------------->
"WHERE DID THEY FLY AWAY?"

TITLE: Countdown To Adventure (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 08.

CULPRIT: Fabrizio Fiorentino (penciller, Forerunner story).

DISSECTION: Golden Eagle's wings are missing from his armor in one panel.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"RE-BOOTING."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Tome Derenick (penciller).

DISSECTION: Donna Troy's boots don't look as they should.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BUT... THEY'RE TOO SHORT FOR STORMTROOPERS!"

TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 08.

CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (writer).

DISSECTION: Why the hell does Superman shout "STORMTROOPERS" when attacked by Parademons?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, Kalibak keeps speaking in the third person.
<-------------------------------->
"AAK!"

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 27.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer, I can no longer blame the letterer).

DISSECTION: Again, you guessed it, "Salaak".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, John Stewart's eyes are "cartoonized" to green, and again the introduction of the Alpha Lanterns? They're doing it over and over.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO SAID THAT?"

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 27.

CULPRIT: Steve Wands (letterer).

DISSECTION: Laira's word balloon in one panel is joined with Salakk's, making him say both "All further debate will be at your trial, Laira" and "You don't really expect me to sit in a sciencell. I'm not a criminal.", and he also answers in the next panel by saying "Not yet."

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTERS ASSEMBLE!"

TITLE: The Mighty Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Justin Ponsor & Stephane Peru (colorists).

DISSECTION: This one's pretty easy:


DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE MOST DISSECTION OF ALL TIMES."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 59.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I meant to say "of the most useless Legion Rejects of all times", but I forgot the word "most".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WE NEEDED A TOKEN ASIAN."

TITLE: The Trials Of Shazam (DC).

ISSUE: 11 of 12.

CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).

DISSECTION: Katana is shown as a member of the Shadowpact, when she's not.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THOR, MY BRO!"

TITLE: Ultimate Secrets (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Any of the writers in the staff.

DISSECTION: Loki is referred to, in his profile and Thor's, as the latter's half-brother, when he's his foster brother.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Very few dissections (seventeen in total), and an incredibly low average of 4.9 Bazzars... we haven't had such a low average since column #24, with the same score. Before going on to the Moments Of The Week; I' d like to recommend the site "Profiles In Villainy"; pretty funny. What's our first MOT? Well, John Horus from Black Summer makes his a classic line:


How creepy are those floating eyes? And how come he gets to look cool in a white outfit?Next, Black Adam makes fun of Mr. Spock:

Hardcore, as usual. But he's still in touch with his human side enough to predict the (granted, very predictable) Billy Batson:


Then. why is Darkseid holding a dildo in his hand?


WE DON'T WANNA KNOW!!! And lastly, look at the Robin costume in the middle (yes, this is some kind of alternate reality or dreamscape)...


It's definitely got breasts, meaning that's a Stephanie Brown's memorial!!! That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!