Sunday, September 27, 2009

The Dissector #133.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I feel like I've gone insane. Like I'm Bizarro World or something. Ra's al Ghul is my new Alfred. Butler of the Damned." Red Robin (Tim Drake), Red Robin #4.

Welcome to the Dissector #133! This is the column for comics released on 09/10, and yes, I know I'm late... I'm even late on my comic book reading; I haven't read all comics for last week... That, among other things, is why I've decided on a little change to the column to make it shorter to write, and more dynamic, more entertaining to read.

I have too many instances of "someone's eyes are colored incorrectly", "they made an accented letter smaller"; or even story errors that are just plain boring to write about. That's where the new section (The Rundown) comes in. I'll just mention the title and issue of the comic, and a brief description of the dissections in it. Those dissections will still have a score and a culprit; but I'll keep that out of the column.

I've been doing something like this for a time; writing up the most entertaining dissection in an issue; and counting the rest behind scenes; often mentioning those extra dissections briefly. It's also similar to what I did with the less interesting dissections a few months ago when I had to write one column for every month I was behind. With The Rundown (working name), however, some books won't even get a full entry on the column.

So, look for The Rundown below, right now we'll take a look at The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book Of The Week was Adventure Comics #505; the Superboy main feature is good; but it's the Legion second feature that makes this a must read for me. Worst Book Of The Week was Exo-1 & The Rock Solid Steelbots #0. You're asking yourself "Exo what?", aren't you? Exactly. PKD Media seems to be a webcomic venture that is starting out in print... and I don't want to say anything bad about them; but honestly... amateurish doesn't cover. Amateur, however, does. I mean, look at this:


And that's one of the best pages in the book... *sigh* At least the DT! from last column was cracked; by Donald313, from Germany, who catches correctly that Karnak has a boot on one foot, and a sneaker/slipper on the other in one of the panels. Badge for you, and welcome to the HDSC, Ensign... or should I say Fähnrich?

Now, before moving onto the dissections; let's have an appetizer with The Rundown: Adventure Comics #505 (a newspaper headline says "Krytonian), Booster Gold V2 #24 (hair and eye coloring mistakes), Dark Avengers/Uncanny X-Men: Exodus (eye coloring mistakes), Dark Reign: Young Avengers #04 (eye coloring mistakes, including Norman), Doom Patrol V5 #02 (eye coloring mistakes), Green Lantern Corps V2 #40 (wrong badges), The Last Resort #02 (the Spanish word for "ladies" is "señoras", not "senoras"), Marvel Super Hero Squad #01 (an eye coloring mistake), Superman: World Of New Krypton #07 (Kal-El gets promoted to General, then he's called Commander again... but it could be an in-character mistake). Yeah, that was shorter than writing up all of those dissections.
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"TECHNICALITIES..."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 604.

CULPRIT: Fred Van Lente (writer).

DISSECTION: Michelle Gonzales says her brother Vin is in prison for "impersonating" a murderer. He's not, he's in prison for helping frame someone for murder, there's a big difference, and she's a lawyer.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, her eyes are colored blue instead of brown.
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"BLOCKADES KNOWN NO CLOCKS."

TITLE: Cisplatino Visiones (Apocalipta).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Diego Tapié and/or Pablo Zignone (writers).

DISSECTION: A scene is captioned as happening at "12:44 PM", but it's obviously night, so they meant "12:44 AM". Thanks to new Ensign Peter Parker for pointing this out... this happens to be the same comic my story is in.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"THE BOYS ARE NOT ALRIGHT."

TITLE: The Boys (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 34.

CULPRIT: Garth Ennis (writer).

DISSECTION: Winning his second badge, Donald313 lets us know that when Stormfront says "Was der Hölle" when he should say "Was zur Hölle". Poor Donald also laments that since the cover has a Swastika, he can't get this book in Germany. I understand Germany is afraid of some things resurfacing, but there's Neo Nazis without this comic, and Stormfront is obviously the bad guy here... Dynamite should have foreseen this and edited a small run with a different cover, too.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"COLOR ME MISTAKEN."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 132.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Donald earns himself his third badge in a row by pointing out that I wrote "Rogue's eyes should be green, but they're colored green"; they had been colored brown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"NOT SO ROCK SOLID WHEN IT COMES TO SPELLING."

TITLE: Exo-1 & The Rock Solid Steelbots (PKD Media).

ISSUE: 00.

CULPRIT: Shawn Pryor (writer).

DISSECTION: First of all, they need to decide whether it's “Rocksolid” or “Rock Solid, and "Steel Bots" or "Steelbots"; then they need to spell check better (“won't” and “systems”; not “wont and “stsyems”).

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars each.
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"FALL OUT KEYBOARD."

TITLE: Fall Out Toy Works (Image).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Brett Lewis (writer).

DISSECTION: So, I picked this up because it had a nice cover... and found out it was "inspired by the ideas & lyrics of Fall Out Boy"... and I shuddered. I've never listened to Fall Out Boy that I know of, but something inspired on a band's lyrics was kind of scary. And I was wrong, this was a fun read, with good art.

So, was there a dissection? Just a tiny one, it didn't get put in The Rundown because I wanted to mention how I'd liked the book, and it was a new one... they just wrote "sound bafrier".

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"BE DISCRETE; SAID THE GUY WITH WINGS."

TITLE: Hulk Team-Up (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Marc Sumerak (writer).

DISSECTION: I could have done without this book... Can someone tell me what the big deal is with Iceman using his powers in public? Yes, they're in San Francisco and they don't want people to swarm them asking for autographs, instead of the usual mutant-hating-hysteria... but Bobby's sitting with Angel, who has his wings in plain view!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. There's also two letters with diacritics in the Dazzler story that are smaller than the rest.
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"OH! POOR TIMMY!"

TITLE: Red Robin (DC).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Chris Yost (writer).

DISSECTION: Ooooookaaaay... Robin backs down from a fight because "A dozen armed gang members, I could take. Trained U.S. soldiers? Probably not." WHAT? This is TIM DRAKE. Red Robin, formerly Robin, trained by Batman, who's taken on SUPERPOWERED OPPONENTS and some of the deadliest human fighters (Lady Shiva, King Snake, League Of Assassins, etc), and he backs down from mere soldiers, that are not even special forces or anything?

No disrespect to the soldiers, but if Yost wanted to homage them or something, he should have Tim not wanting to hurt the soldiers or something... but nobody who's read a single comic with Tim Drake in it will believe that he can't fight a bunch of soldiers

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"TO BOLDLY DISSECT..."

TITLE: Star Trek: Nero (IDW).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Unknown ad writer.

DISSECTION: This one's for the trekkies:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"A GIANT WHAT?"

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: When the X-Men have dealt with Sentinels, Celestials, and there's tons of giant-sized villains and creatures... why are they (and S.H.I.E.L.D.) so surprised about a giant footprint?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Xavier and Kitty Pryde's eyes are colored incorrectly, so is Gambit's hair, plus Beast's eyes are colored and drawn incorrectly.
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This week gives us a very low average, or lower than usual, of 5.9 Bazzars in thirty-four dissections. Very well... Cover Of The Week!


Not the most amazing cover ever; but trust me, it was the best I could find this week... Now, Moments Of The Week, por favor. First of all... let's start by telling the Titans that the stripper who impersonated Starfire has quit... and know there's a tranny in her place:


Wow! That's a man, baby! Next, Herc is a trekkie:


Hehe, funny. Then, first of a few dissections from the ending of Utopia. How do you stop a god?


Like that! Good move, I like writers who take advantage of the long history X-Men comics have. That, and Moonstar looks good in that outfit... Now, one of those speeches I like so much:


What can I say? I'm a sucker for those speeches. Now, who else gives speeches?


President Osborn! And speaking of heads of state:


Holy crap! I did not see that one coming! For our finale, people tell JJJ off.


How's that, Mr. Mayor? That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Creator sighting!

Okay, editor sighting, actually, but I need to keep a format here... James Lowder, editor for Mercy Sparx e-mailed me to let me know that "For what it's worth, issue #1 of Under New Management was given out as the Free Comic Book Day issue of Mercy this year. That came out long before this issue, #4 of the first series, saw print. UNM #1 may be re-released as a repackaged #1, but, technically, it's out there already. Hence the mention of UNM issue #2 as the next issue in the pipeline."

You make a good point, James, but I didn't remember Under New Management's FCBD issue; and some people are not even aware of it; and while it's not technically wrong, I can still consider it a dissection. It does, however, get a lower rating, from 5 to 3 Bazzars.

James also mentions that The Dissector is a "Very funny column, by the by.", and that this is the "First time I've seen the column. I will be reading along from now on, though.". Thanks James, I'd love to have you on board as a reader.

I told him that I think this is the first time I find an error on a DDP title; and he told me that he's glad for that, and that Mike O'Sullivan and Cody DeMatteis deserve the bulk of the credit for that. Thanks again for the kind words, James.

Monday, September 14, 2009

The Dissector #132.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Well, if the Time Lords made the rules - and I'm the LAST Time Lord - I REPEAL THE RULES! HUZZAH! ICE CREAM FOR ALL!" The Doctor, Doctor Who #3.

Willkommen zu einer neuen Ausgabe von Der Sezierer! This is the der Spalte for comics released on 09/02... and I'll stop with the crap German; but you've got to admit it adds to the "mad scientist" vibe. I was about to declare the DT! uncracked, but once again JohnnyDoe got it! In this case, Mammoth, who is a large man, but by no means larger than a normal human (if your normal human is an NFL linebacker); while in this comic he's pictured as if each of his arms is as big as a person. Badge for you, Johnny; three more and you get promoted to Lt. Commander.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was The Boys #34; good ending to an arc; and a superb gore fest; which is what we expect of this book; plus the return of Love Sausage. See the Moments Of The Week to know what zany antics "Los Botijas" (as a friend of mine and I call them) were up to this week. Worst Book Of The Week? Easy, Exiles #6. Thank God they cut our suffering short... it wasn't as bad as what Claremont was writing before this volume; but it was a book that needed to be cancelled. Oh, why was it so bad? Rushed ending for a crappy book; double crappy. Yes, those are scientific terms.

On another note, I am now a published comic book writer!!! Local comic book "Cisplatino" includes in each issue an insert called "Cisplatino Visiones", with short stories about the book's characters, and I was asked to write a story about one of the villains, Lobo (no, not the Czarnian). It was drawn by the incredible Roberto Cúneo, and it's available in Uruguay and soon in Argentina. If anyone wants to buy a copy outside these countries, I'm sure it can be arranged. See photos of the launch party for the issue, by our local Peter Parker.

Dissections now. Oh, and Warehouse 13 is the best show currently out there for scifi fans, WATCH IT. WATCH. IT.
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"IN NON-COMMUNIST RUSSIA..."

TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 33.

CULPRIT: Peter Milligan (writer).

DISSECTION: Are we really supposed to believe that Batman's hotel phone can be tapped by the Moscow police?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"WAKANDAN SCENES FILMED IN NIGERIA."

TITLE: Black Panther V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Maberry (writer) and Will Conrado (artist).

DISSECTION: All signs in Wakandan protests; underscroll on TV screens, buildings, etc is in English. The Wakandans have their own language, and would not use English. What part of isolationist and highly nationalistic country did the authors not get?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Yup. One single dissection for all the occurrences, but a big fat one. Plus, there are some other mistakes, like "repulser" instead of "repulsor", and odd dialogue like "the young a man".
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"APOKOLIPS."

TITLE: Cable V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Duane Swierczynski (writer).

DISSECTION: The ship Cable is in is called "Ensahabnur"... Apocalypse's name is "En Sabah Nur"... I'm going to say this is a dissection; no matter how far in the future they are. Same goes for the word "aquired" on a monitor; when the rest of the English words are spelled correctly... it's not an intentional deformation of the language.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Hope's eyes, which are green, are colored blue on the cover by Dave Wilkins.
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"EYEXILES."

TITLE: Exiles V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Anthony Washington (colorist).

DISSECTION: Eyes. Eye color mistakes galore! The Scarlett Witch's eyes are colored brown, when she has blue eyes; Rachel Summers has green eyes and Aurora has blue eyes; and they get brown eyes here (wait, that sounded wrong)... while Rogue's eyes should be green, but they're colored green.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each.
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"HAL TO GET THAT OUT OF MY CHEST."

TITLE: Final Crisis Aftermath: Run (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).

DISSECTION: Several occurrences of John Stewart's chest emblem being replaced with Hal's.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. He also gets all white eyes, for some reason.
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"QUESTO E ESTO MACACO?"

TITLE: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Chuck Dixon (writer).

DISSECTION: So, it's not as bad as the previous issue, and it hasn't been as awful as Zorro, but there's still a few Spanish mistakes, mostly by Simon Bowland on the accented letters; and just three actual language mistakes and very minor. The worst is that Dixon writes "¿Que es este?"; a phrase that doesn't exist, it should be "esto".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for that one. A total of four accented letters for Bowland, two more Spanish mistakes on Dixon's part, and one random writing dissection.
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"CRY FOR PAYING ATTENTION."

TITLE: Justice League: Cry For Justice (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 07.

CULPRIT: Mauro Cascioli (artist).

DISSECTION: DC artists: GET. YOUR. GREEN. LANTERN. EMBLEMS. RIGHT.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars for each occurrence of Hal Jordan's emblem looking like John Stewart's; six in total.
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"MA-TOUCH-AND-GOG."

TITLE: Magog (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi Designs (colorist).

DISSECTION: Golly Gee Wilikers! It's what we've all been waiting for, a Magog ongoing!!! YAY!!! *clears throat* Well, Magog's healthy eye is blue, yet on one page it's colored brown; then blue in the next one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"OLD LACE TOOK HER ARSENIC."

TITLE: Marvel Pets Handbook (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator) and writer not credited for individual profile.

DISSECTION: The Marvel Handbooks people... my mortal enemies... Now, I didn't actually read this, I just flipped through it, and spotted only one dissection. On Old Lace's profile, it doesn't mention her death, which happened in Runaways V3 #11; about a month and a half ago. While I understand that the production for one these books takes time; Old Lace's death had been more or less announced, and a little coordination wouldn't have hurt.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"MERCY SPARX A NEW BOOK."

TITLE: Mercy Sparx (DDP).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: James Lowder (editor).

DISSECTION: Fun little book; not dying to get the next mini, but I will enjoy it when it comes out. Problem is, at the end of this issue they announce issue 2 of the second mini as coming soon; when issue 1 hasn't come out yet.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"RŒD TORNADŒ"

TITLE: Red Tornado V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 6.

CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).

DISSECTION: Okay, this book is only slightly less exciting than the Magog book; but at least it's a mini. The Magog book can only be explained by Keith Giffen wanting to write him and DC letting him... What's the dissection here? Well, Penciller José Luís is credited with an accent in his last name on the cover (while other books have credited without it; the Brazilian spelling has an accent while the Spanish spelling doesn't, and I don't know if he's Brazilian or Hispanic). I can't really confirm a dissection there, and I'm inclined to believe he's Brazilian or even Portuguese...

However, look at what Sal Cipriano did inside of the book:


Man... that's not only wrong, it's not even POSSIBLE. You can't have a dot on the "i" AND an accent. If it wasn't for Simon Bowland's sheer volume of work...

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"STRANGE DISSECTION."

TITLE: Strange Tales V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Paul Pope (penciller, Inhumans story).

DISSECTION: This one is perfect for a DISSECT THIS!


It's a hard one; and there's a second, lesser dissection that I won't reveal because it's related to this one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"WEDNESDAY HAS A LITTLE COUNTDOWN... "

TITLE: Wednesday Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 07 of 12.

CULPRIT: Sean Galloway (artist, Teen Titans story).

DISSECTION: Well... So far I had pardoned the errors in the Teen Titans costumes (robin's mask is not joined at the bridge of his nose, Wonder Girl is wearing a completely new design, and worse of all, Starfire is wearing something that looks more like the cartoon version of her costume), and now Beast Boy and Nightwing's costumes are also different to what they should be. I had let these dissections go because I assumed it was an out-of-continuity tale; like most in this book seem to be. But now they've referenced Countdown To Final Crisis events, so that gives me the clue that this IS in continuity, and therefore, the costume redesigns are just an artist doing what he wants.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each, except Starfire and Wonder Girl who get 8s. Also, Iris West's eyes are colored incorrectly.
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A total of sixty-nine dissections with an average of 7.0 Bazzars; we hadn't had a 7 since column #122, exactly ten issues ago. Let me show you the cover of the week, by Skottie Young, for Iron Man And The Armor Wars #2:


I like it, it's compelling. Now, the Moments Of The Week... First up, if there's something you can say about Buffy, is that characters do evolve and grow:


Andrew, for example, went to idiotic annoyance, to bumbling evil sidekick, to bumbling good sidekick, to a ballsy character of his own. Also:


Those are Dawn and Xander. Yup. Xander. And Buffy's little sister. And that's Buffy watching. Pervs. Now, from the best gaming comic book out there, an Easter egg that took me more than a year to catch; because I hadn't gotten that issue yet:


Thank you Jolly! And to end this column, what happened to Germany when the Nazis pushed the allies too far?


Well, the Americans, the British, and the Free French Forces attacked... then the USSR took Berlin from behind! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Friday, September 04, 2009

The Dissector #131.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Whoa. Jingoistic overload. Somebody's confused the American flag with patriotism." Zero Cochrane (Ghost Rider 2099) inside the Iron Patriot armor software, Timestorm 2009-2099 #4.

Now, here's the column for comics released on 08/26; some books I haven't received yet (Wednesday Comics, in particular, the last issue I received was #6), so those will come when I read them. In fact, Zorro #15, dissected here, is from the week before, and the aforementioned Wednesday Comics #6 is from weeks ago. As is customary these past few weeks, JohnnyDoe cracked the DT! again; he noticed that Claremont gave a diesel locomotive a furnace and the need for someone shoveling coal into it. He's found some other stuff too... see below... Badge for you, man.

Let's get on with the Dissector's Picks Of The Week, shall we? Best Book Of the Week goes to The Last Days Of Animal Man #4; as usual, Gerry Conway manages to write Animal Man perfectly; with Chris Batista's art being the perfect complement to his writing. Add a Brian Bolland cover, and it's a great book, solid. A mention goes to the newest Marvel/Soleil offering, Spin Angels, first issue out of three; an interesting tale about Catholic Church agents facing Templars and recovering early Christian relics to maintain the theological supremacy of the Church. I would have preferred it to bear the original title, Crossfire; but that's a minor matter. It has an interest plot, and a good blend of European comic book art (ligne claire, in particular) and manga styling; along with a dash of American comics... not as good a blend as Gipsy, as sometimes the manga elements overpower the other elements, and it distracts a bit from the story.

Worst Book Of The Week, and I'll keep it short, was Skrull Kill Krew #4. The art is sloppy, the plot is boring; the book is going nowhere... well, it's going to the last issue, next one.
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"I GOT A DYEJOB IN PRISON."

TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).

ISSUE: 27.

CULPRIT: Edgar Delgado (colorist).

DISSECTION: Hardball's hair is colored brown, when he's got blond hair.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"OH MY, SUCH TERRIBLE COMPLEXION!"

TITLE: Batman: The Widening Gyre (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 06

CULPRIT: Kevin Smith (writer).

DISSECTION: It's good to read another Batman book by Kevin Smith, he's better suited for this kind of extemporal miniseries or one-shots. However, he claims that Waylon Jones, aka Killer Croc, is the way he is because he suffers from epidermodysplasia verruciformis, which makes him highly susceptible to human papillomavirus (which he also spells incorrectly as "papilloma virus"). First of all, it's been established in comics that Killer Croc suffers from a sort of genetic disease that gives him atavistic characteristics, essentially de-evolving him into a reptilian humanoid. Second, HPV could not give him the appearance and physical attributes of a crocodile.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Blüdhaven is spelled "Bludhaven" once; and artist Walt Flanagan overdoes the artistic license of drawing long bat-ears on Batman's cowl, when he makes them as long as Batman's head itself.
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"WHO'S THAT GIRL? QUIEN ES ESA NIÑA?"

TITLE: Dark Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Luke Ross (penciller).

DISSECTION: Look at the image below; I was reading through this issue and I spot that blonde girl with elf ears at Graymalkin's (well, Utopia now) control center:


Who is she supposed to be? I knew it wasn't Magik, because she's never had pointy ears, not even while she's all Darkchylde-y. It couldn't be Pixie, because she's in the next page (see above) with totally different hair (purple and wavy, as it should be), and while Luke Ross's art is weak in this issue, he's consistent. Or so I thought. So I asked on my Facebook for help, and a very enlightening discussion followed. Yog proposed it was a random person; but that wasn't possible, not on the X-Men's control room.

Korath suggested it could be Ariel, because she has teleportation powers, like Pixie and Nightcrawler, and are needed for the plan to work. But she's never had pointy ears, and she looks like this nowadays.

Mitch, via Nysie (High Admiral Nysie of the HDSC, to all of you) suggested it could be Meggan Braddock; and while it sure looks like her, she just got back to Captain Britain over in his own book, and they would have made a great fuss about her being in San Francisco (particularly her old teammates Colossus and Nightcrawler, particularly the latter).

Then Korath pointed out that Megan (Megan Gwynn, aka Pixie) has been wearing a headband in Uncanny X-Men, and that her normally pink hair looks blonde in the pinkish purple lighting. I countered that while Megan was wearing a headband in UXM #514; that doesn't mean someone else could have put one on. If it's Pixie, then Luke Ross fubarued BIG TIME, because in the next page, her hair and facial features look COMPLETELY different, she has no freckles, her ears are shaped differently, and she's not wearing a headband (see the above image again).

That's mystery girl on the left, and Pixie on the other two images. On the first one, her face is different, the freckles (an important feature on Pixie's face since she was first introduced) are missing, there's no headband on the ones we know it's her, and while the last two images don't have a completley consistent shape between them, they're definitely different from the one on mystery girl (mystery girl has an inward curve in the upward left backside of her ear, Pixie's ear is reversed). So, if that girl in the control room is supposed to be Pixie, Luke Ross did a poor job of portraying her. Oh, one more thing... the girl in the control room is wearing an earring. Next page, Pixie is not.

I kept researching. and scoured the "198" profiles, but couldn't find someone with elven ears that might be there plausibly; which makes me conclude that Luke Ross meant to draw Pixie in that scene, and screwed up. Badges for Yog, Korath, Mitch and Nysie for contributing with my research.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Ross also draws Nightcrawler with long hair; when he has it reasonably short, and Dean White gives Namor brown eyes, when he has blue-grey eyes. All in all, a great issue, though.
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"NOTHING LEFT TO SAI."

TITLE: Dark Reign: Elektra (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Clay Mann (penciller).

DISSECTION: The sai grip was perfect on the cover... but not inside. Now, did we need a five-issue mini for this story? Wouldn't an oversized one-shot sufficed?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"PANCHO IBANEZ."

TITLE: Dark Reign: The Sinister Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Brian Reed (writer).

DISSECTION: "Ibanez", the last name of what seems to be NYPD's Chief should be "Ibáñez". "Ibanez" doesn't exist.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"ACCENTUATING THE BEGINING."

TITLE: Dark X-Men: The Beginning (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Rob Steen (letterer).

DISSECTION: Two accented letters are smaller than they should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
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"STREAK ONE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 130.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: JohnnyDoe noticed (get off my back!!!) that when I corrected myself about his spotting the error with Streaky's gender; I said "Krypto" instead of "Streaky". Another badge for you. Do you ever sleep?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. I also numbered the last column as #131, when it was #130.
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"RIDDLE ME THIS: WHAT CONTACTS BRAND DOES HE USE?"

TITLE: Gotham City Sirens 03 (DC).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Guillem March (colorist).

DISSECTION: The Riddler's eyes are colored brown, when they should be blue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SINESTROPTICALS."

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 45.

CULPRIT: Randy Mayor (colorist).

DISSECTION: Sinestro's eyes are colored yellow and black, when they should be regular black eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DIACRITICAL MASS."

TITLE: Herogasm (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Simon Bowland (letterer).

DISSECTION: A letter with a diacritic is smaller than it should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"RED HULK PUNY!"

TITLE: Hulk V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Jeph Loeb (writer).

DISSECTION: Uh... are we really meant to believe that the Punisher can shoot some bullets and stab the red Hulk with a knife and make him bleed? I don't care what ordnance he's carrying, I don't buy that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, Loeb, S.H.I.E.L.D. was not the USA's central intelligence agency. For one, that's the CIA, second, S.H.I.E.L.D. was a UN agency. There's also a small accented letter, courtesy of letterer Richard Starkings.
<-------------------------------->
"BOOTY CAP."

TITLE: The Incredible Hulk V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 601.

CULPRIT: Ariel Olivetti (artist).

DISSECTION: Great issue by Pak and Olivetti, certainly. Pak reminds us that Bruce Banner is a bona fide genius; and Olivetti's style recovers some plasticity, as opposed to the stiff figures he drew in Cable. There are a few writing and coloring mistakes in this issue; in particular Bucky Cap's boots are wrong.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"JUSTICE SOCIETY OF DISSECTION."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 30.

CULPRIT: Jesús Merino (artist).

DISSECTION: See if you can spot this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Flash's boots are wrong.
<-------------------------------->
"THE INQUISITION... WHAT A SHOW!"

TITLE: Madame Xanadu (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: "The Inquisition" o "La Inquisición", but not "La Inquisition". Please. Also "pureza de sangre", not "limpieza de sangre".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"BLUE MOONSTAR."

TITLE: New Mutants V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: John Rauch (colorist).

DISSECTION: Dani Moonstar's eyes are colored blue, when her eyes are brown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Come on, this is a Native American you're coloring, can't you apply a bit of common sense?
<-------------------------------->
"JIMMY OLSEN'S BLUES."

TITLE: Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen Special (DC).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: Natasha Irons tells Jimmy Olsen she can't be there (River City), but Jimmy asks "Metropolis?", when he's made it very clear that he's traveled quite a bit to get to River City.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"STATUTORY STATUES."

TITLE: Teen Titans V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 74.

CULPRIT: Joe Bennett (penciller).

DISSECTION: Out front of Titans Tower (East Coast), you can see Superboy's statue before he comes back and destroys it... only the base of the statue is wrong, the statue is horizontally inverted, and Kid Flash's is either not there, or too far away. I'm willing to consider all of this just one dissection.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"UNITED... NOTHING OF NOTHING?"

TITLE: The Red Circle: The Shield (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Scott McDaniel (penciller).

DISSECTION: An emblem on the floor of a government facility says "UNITED..." and part of the rest is obscured by another panel... but there's no space for a proper name, such as "UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE" or something like that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ESCARABAJAZÚ!"

TITLE: Wednesday Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 12.

CULPRIT: Eddie Berganza (writer).

DISSECTION: A story page narrated by Blue Beetle, of course, it's going to have bullshit Spanish. Apart from some awkward sentences, he writes the word "qué" as "qúe" twice.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. At least letterer Nick J. Napolitano makes the accented letters the right size.
<-------------------------------->
"BOLT OF LIGHT."

TITLE: Wonder Woman V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 35.

CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer) and/or Aaron Lopresti (penciller).

DISSECTION: Bolt I is shown attacking Black Canary, and he's dead.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. Yes, it could be a new guy in his costume.
<-------------------------------->
"FOREVER ACCENTED."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Tom Orzechowski (letterer).

DISSECTION: Two accented letters are smaller than they should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"EL ZORRO ES MUCHO MACHO! YES, HE'S VERY MASCLEIN!"

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: With all due respect, Mr. Wagner, I've said it once, and I'll say it again, and again: Zorro is a very enjoyable book, but you're detracting from the enjoyment with all the bullshit Spanish. Shall I go down the list for this issue? A servant would not say "perdóname" to the governor of California, he'd say "perdóneme". It's "buenas" noches, not "buenos" noches. It's "Vicente", not "Vincente". It's "Ángeles", "Señores", "Papá", and "Pérez" (MY OWN BLOODY LAST NAME), not "Angeles", "Señors", "Papa" (which means potato or Pope instead of dad), and "Perez". People don't say "Olé!" when they toast at dinner...

And now you're mangling up English again? "Captial", "noctrnal", and "propasal"? Come on, one proof read by someone who speaks both languages moderately well would be enough to STOP RUINING THIS BOOK!!! Also, I can't consider this a dissection, but if you insist in using random bits of Spanish, why do you refer to the Spanish monarch as Charles IV, instead of Carlos IV?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each. The bullshit Spanish dissections are getting a markup!!! And please, please, PLEASE teach Simon Bowland that ACCENTED LETTERS AND THE LETTER Ñ ARE NOT SMALLER THAN THE RESTS OF THE LETTERS IN THE SAME SENTENCE!!! Total: 36 dissections in one issue. Most dissected letterer, writer, company, and book of the year will not be a surprise at the next Autopsy Awards...
<-------------------------------->
This columns ends up with a 6.8 Bazzars average on seventy-five dissections. Pretty high; I say. Oh, while I was writing this column I friended Simon Bowland on Facebook... I made sure to compliment him on all the lettering he does (he single-handedly letters Dynamite's books, and he also works for Marvel, Dark Horse and Image)... then proceeded to ask if I could make him a suggestion... I hope he doesn't mind... honestly, it's with a great deal of respect for his work, I want to see him do an even better job.

It's time for the Best Cover Of The Week, and it's a tie. One from this week, and another a back-issue. The current cover is the alternate cover for Flash: Rebirth #4, a striking piece by Ethan Van Sciver (happy birthday, BTW, Ethan). The old cover is from Knights Of The Dinner Table #138, the Gary Gygax tribute issue. Every time we sit down to game, we're playing with Gary...


Now, it's Moments Of The Week time! First up, from Flash: Rebirth, Flash Facts:


Don't you mess with the Flashes, or Daddy Flash will pimp slap yo' ass!!! Then, what's Ed Benes the best at?


Drawing Starfire's ass, of course!!! Then, who can't the Black Lanterns reanimate?


Of course!!! Now, the obvious happens within the Dark X-Men's ranks:


Obvious, but not less amusing! And then, Utopia:


Way cool. Then, inside Namor's head...


Legal action. Yup. Now, from The Boys: Herogasm:


Secret Service sure sounds like a great job! Incredible Hercules brings...


Another mention, albeit indirect, of moi! Then, Greg Pak writes a great Bruce Banner:


Pwnd! Smart pwnd! Now, people shouldn't make Norman angry:


Those guys are in for a WORLD of hurt once Norman gets the upper hand back... And to finish, if I ever run a space police force, I want my base planet like this:


With facial hair! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!