The Dissector

Captain America's Got You Covered.

2012-01-29T00:27:00.001-02:00

Now, this is what I call a nice cover:

By Francesco Francavilla.

(From Captain America & Bucky #626, January 2012.)

January Wanes.

2012-01-26T02:13:00.003-02:00

One dissection, three moments. First, the dissection, since it gives the blog (yeah, it's a blog now; blogs are cool).

Someone please tell writers Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning that calling a flashmob has nothing to do with crowdsourcing.

(From New Mutants #36, January 2011.)

Next, Spidey reaches a turning point in his life:

(From Daredevil #8, January 2011.)

And on the Enterprise...

Look a them. She's thinking "Damn, I'm a redshirt and a woman... But..." and he's going "Shit, I'm a black guy and a redshirt!" Surprisingly enough, he beams back up to the ship without being killed by a mindless horde, while she's still planetside.

(From Star Trek #5, January 2011.)

And for the finale, Magneto puts Psylocke in her place:

(From Uncanny X-Men #5, January 2011.)

Bats & Xs.

2012-01-17T01:10:00.003-02:00

A post with stuff from four different books... let's see...

Writer Peter J. Tomasi could have chosen a better name for Batman's training room.

(From Batman And Robin #5, January 2012.)

Next, M gets trolled:

(From X-Factor #230, January 2012.)

Now, why do superheroes in the Marvel and DC universes keep disbelieving in the supernatural, when they encounter it week in and week out?

I think writers like Gail Simone should stop with those lines. Disregard Batgirl's pose... And next, how does a simple GCPD detective afford an appartment like that?

(From Batgirl #5, January 2012.)

This next thing, by writer Nick Spencer, is what I call bullshit:

Really? Because Stryker's powers are talking to technology, he can talk to a bioengineered gene? Pfft...

(From Ultimate Comics X-Men #6, January 2012.)

Axe Cobweb

2012-01-11T16:40:00.001-02:00

"You reek of desperation. And 'Axe'. Which is reduntant." Black Cat.

(From Amazing Spider-Man #677, January 2012.)

PS: What a coincidence! http://www.the-gutters.com/comic/240-george-kambadais

Beam Me Up, Brainy!

2012-01-10T22:54:00.001-02:00

Star Trek - Legion Of Super-Heroes... yeah, I thought that'd be horrible, but it's actually good. Not mind-blowing, but good. Still, one error by writer Chris Roberson:

How much ferrous material is enough to hold back a dozen or more strong cavemen with powerful prehistoric beasts, but it's still not enough to fling their weapons from their hands? How can anyone think that doing the former will take less "leverage" than the latter?!?!?!

And then, an interesting moment:

That is... brutally inefficient.

(From Star Trek - Legion Of Super-Heroes #4, January 2012.)

Wrong part of the brain...

2012-01-09T00:25:00.002-02:00

Uh... the cerebrum has nothing to do with emotions, like fear.

(From Thunderbolts #168, January 2012.)

Eunuch deities

2012-01-08T23:43:00.003-02:00

"YOUR GOD HAS NO JUNK." Dr. Vincent Morrow, about Osiris.

(From Witch Doctor: Resuscitation, December 2011.)

NOT THE COMIC SHOPS!!!

2012-01-05T18:21:00.001-02:00

The Mother-Fucker, Kick-Ass' nemesis, has a plan. And it's awful:

(From Kick-Ass 2 #6, December 2011.)

Avengers Resemble!

2012-01-05T16:30:00.001-02:00

Just read Avengers Annual #1 (from the current series), and I found some dissections. These days, I only focus on large errors, and in this case, some might consider the following two-dissection combo something minor.

However, I can't conceive of a high-profile letterer such as Cory Petit, who does a gazillion books a month for Marvel finishing this page and saying "Yeah, this is perfect." and then an assistant editor and an editor, and proofreaders (yes, Marvel claims they have proofreaders) go over it and say "Everything's perfect!". Just take a look at these two panels yourself (I've cut and pasted so as to not post the entire page, but they were in the same page):

No, that second "electro-speak" balloon tail is out of context... it was just there, floating on its own, under Iron Man in a white page gutter...

Now, an error by either writer Brian Michael Bendis, or artist Gabriele Dell'Otto, but you wouldn't want Spider-Man fighting Anti-Venom, since even being close to him robs Spidey of his powers!

And for the finale, a Moment... The Avengers (all three main teams, Classic, New, and Secret) do the smart thing and teleport their enemies away from a crowd in the middle of New York City to an empty stadium... almost empty:

Sucks to be that poor janitor...

(From Avengers Annual #1, January 2012.)

Action Moments

2012-01-05T13:45:00.002-02:00

I haven't finished reading last weeks books; but when I got the stuff for this week, I couldn't help but read Action Comics #4. Still good, but it slowed down a lot to tell Supes origin; and give some panel time to the (in current continuity) deceased Martha and Jonathan Kent. Two moments, one funny, one bad...

First... Krypton is blowing up! Let's escape into the Phantom Zone!

... yeah... or maybe not...

And then... my God, who is this baby in the rocket?

It sure ain't Kal-El, because he looks Black/Asian... Andy Kubert, quit letting your kids pencil some panels...

(From Action Comics #4, January 2012.)

Dunna Dunna Dunna... Icecream!

2012-01-04T13:34:00.001-02:00

Alfred takes good care of Batman... and doesn't deprive himself of the good stuff either:

(From Batman: The Dark Knight #4, December 2011.)

Bite Back!

2012-01-02T19:49:00.001-02:00

This is my kind of vampire hunter!

(From American Vampire #22, December 2011.)

BLOODY HELL!!!

2011-12-31T14:33:00.003-02:00

I know I said I had made the last post of the year, but this was too much... How does John Constantine's niece get back at him? How does his father in law get back at him?

Yeah, like that. I just had to post this.

(From Hellblazer #286, December 2011.)

Last Moments Of The Year

2011-12-31T14:14:00.000-02:00

Well, not the last moments from comics this year, but it's certainly the last post of the year, chaps. First, a moment from Justice League of America #4:

DARKSEID IS!!!!

And three moments from Wolverine & The X-Men #3. First, Krakoa (or one of its scions) joins the X-Men!

... and Wolverine starts educating it:

And what happens if you mess with Wolverine and his X-Men? He'll go berserker on you, right? No, he'll send you his lawyer:

(All books from December 2011.)

Happy new year!

Bat-App!

2011-12-20T15:24:00.000-02:00

Criminals are cowardly and superstitious lot, but they have smartphones:

(From Batgirl V4 #4, December 2011.)

Normanzinho

2011-12-19T15:38:00.000-02:00

"And there is just no way that Norman is on some beach in Brazil wearing an afro wig and answering to the name Carlos Gillespie?" Iron Fist, The New Avengers V2 #19 ( December 2011).

SCIENCE CONVOY!!!

2011-12-19T13:54:00.002-02:00

Two great moments from Atomic Robo:

I love Atomic Robo. A lot.

(From Atomic Robo And The Ghost Of Station X #4, December 2011.)

Full Moon Knight

2011-12-19T13:41:00.001-02:00

With all the crazy shit that happens in the Marvel universe ALL THE FUCKING TIME, ON LIVE TV, why would anyone doubt someone was attacked by a werewolf while working as a soldier of fortune? Why?

Writer Brian Michael Bendis needs to stop resorting to cheap script moments like this, as if he was writing in a universe with less obvious fantastic content...

(From Moon Knight V6 #8, December 2011.)

Coldest War

2011-12-15T00:09:00.000-02:00

Either this small 1950s English town has crossdressing ladies, or the dialogue is wrong. I would blame letterer Neil Uyetake; but if writer/artist John Byrne wanted the vicar talking to the lady, he would have drawn the scene differently...

(From Cold War #3, December 2011.)

Tiny Continuity

2011-12-07T20:20:00.001-02:00

This made me laugh:

(From Tiny Titans #46, November 2011.)

Crimson Mistakes

2011-12-07T20:18:00.001-02:00

Adumar never belonged to the Empire:

But writers Mike Richardson and Randy Stradley don't seem to know that.

Argh! Noghri are steel-gray colored... not brown, not green, not turquoise:

So where the fuck did colorist Michael Bartolo get this Noghri fruit salad from?

(From Star Wars: Crimson Empire III - Empire Lost #2, November 2011.)

Lax Gun Law

2011-11-23T14:54:00.003-02:00

Dude... just because you're a Texas Ranger and have a permit to carry a gun IN THE STATE OF TEXAS doesn't mean you can enter a foreign country with it and carry it around... particularly when you're there while you were taken of a case in Texas and told to take vacation.

(From Six Guns #2, writer Andy Diggle, November 2011.)

A Mammoth Is Not A Reptil

2011-11-17T19:22:00.003-02:00

Christos Gage is a good writer... so this baffles me. This character is called "Reptil" (Spanish for "Reptile"), because he can turn into dinosaurs... but here he transforms himself into a mammoth. Yes, it could be that his powers allow him to transform into any kind of prehistoric animal... but this is the first time he does this, and not one character reacts with surprise?

(From Avengers Academy #22, November 2011.)

Lettering Out Of N.O.W.H.E.R.E.!

2011-11-13T23:07:00.003-02:00

What is it with letterings and their cut-off balloons drifting away from panel borders?

(From Superboy V5 #3, November 2011.)

Not A Letter Balloon

2011-11-11T16:43:00.006-02:00

Many lettering "mistakes" are just choices one doesn't agree with, or stuff that could have been better placed. This? Straight up mistake; a chopped off balloon that should have gone against the panel border; or, judging by the rest of the art and the other balloon, not chopped off at all.

What's weird it's that the letterer here is Chris Eliopoulos, one of the letterers I look up to, and one of the best in the business out there right now. Heck, I can even spell his last name right without checking! This mistake is probably related to the fact that Chris letters like a third of the Marvel books every month (with, like another third going to Joe Caramagna, and everyboy else splitting up the last third).

(From Magneto: Not A Hero #1, November 2011).

Evil Bones

2011-11-11T16:43:00.005-02:00

"... I'm stuck in another blasted mirror universe. Hell, I'm probably evil here, with a little goatee and everything." Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Star Trek - Legion Of Superheroes #2 (November 2011).

Catholic Spies!

2011-11-07T15:02:00.003-02:00

I'm pretty sure Byrne didn't mean "extreme unction", since that's a Catholic Church rite for the dead. Probably "extreme sanction" was what he wanted to say.

(From Cold War #2, November 2011. Writer: John Byrne.)

D-N-D Rejects.

2011-11-07T12:22:00.002-02:00

Not surprisingly, Crossbones hits gaming geeks. Also, it reminds me of a Knights Of The Dinner Table storyline.

(From Fear Itself: The Fearless #2, November 2011.)

Dr. Morrow Is Mad.

2011-11-05T01:18:00.003-02:00

"I'm not a mad scientist! Why does everyone think I'm a mad scientist?" Dr. Vincent Morrow (MD), Witch Doctor #4 (November 2011).

Hercules: Naked And Happy.

2011-11-03T10:16:00.002-02:00

Spider-Island has ended, and Hercules is happy!

"Zounds! What a glorious day! I am restored to my righteous form! With good comrades by my side, a monster torn asunder! And naked people far as the eye can see! Reminds me of a time in Mycenae!" Hercules, The Amazing Spider-Man #637 (November 2011).

Hellboy Doesn't like Maine.

2011-11-03T10:10:00.004-02:00

"Caribou Municipal Airport. THAT'S how you know you're really in Maine, right?" Hellboy, Abe Sapien: The Devil Does Not Jest #2 (October, 2011).

Tatooine Twin Suns

2011-10-27T22:51:00.003-02:00

I just read Star Wars: Crimson Empire III - Empire Lost. Good book; I love being back in the New Republic era... but I did have two problems with the art... two with the art, and another with the color.

Paul Gulacy's art is as beautiful as always, he captures the feel of the Star Wars galaxy perfectly. However, his attempt to make Leia look slightly older (although she's no older than 32 at this point, and they have advanced medical tech) fails miserably. She looks great in the rest of the pages she's in, but in this particular extreme close-up, she looks... fugly.

Look at her! The wrinkles in the corner of her eyes are okay, the expression lines around her mouth too... but her teeth are too uneven, her lips (particularly her upper lip) are disgustingly thin, and her nose is crooked.

What the fuck, Paul?

Then there's Luke. Again, he's got way too many wrinkles all over his face. Being thirteen years after Episode IV, he's (like Leia) 32 years old (they were born 19 years before that episode); but he looks like he's from the New Jedi Order era, a good ten years later... and that's not even taking into account, once more, the advanced medical technology the Star Wars universe has. But his aged face is not the only thing... look at his hair. He doesn't look much, facially, like Mark Hammil, but that's not necessarily bad. The hair color, however, is wrong. That's Leia's hair color... Luke has sand blond hair... as anyone who's seen the movies knows.

I'm not even asking you to have read other comics or seen novel covers, colorist Michael Bartolo. Just watch the movies. At least the first one...

(From Star Wars: Crimson Empire III - Empire Lost #1, October 2011.)

That's What I Call An Office!

2011-10-27T12:49:00.002-02:00

Wolverine & The X-Men #1 was a great read (though I don't care much for the art style, I must say); and I loved that Jason Aaron remembered Iceman is an accountant and put him in charge of math classes and the school's financial paperwork. But I also love that Headmaster Logan's office features a wet bar:

(From Wolverine & The X-Men #1, October 2011.)

Spider-Island Climax!

2011-10-26T14:49:00.004-02:00

So, I just read The Amazing Spider-Man #679... here are a couple of moments and a dissection:

Yeah, "shared a toothbrush"...

What's a "Capatain"?
(Writer: Dan Slott.)

And that was a great climax!!! Tender MJ moment, too.

(From The Amazing Spider-Man #672, October 2011.)

Really, Marvel?

2011-10-25T21:54:00.003-02:00

Really, Marvel? A @#@$%ing magical dwarf that wants to quit drinking? First Wolverine can't smoke, and now this?

(From Invincible Iron Man #509, October 2011.)

Out Of The Mouths Of Jesters...

2011-10-21T10:48:00.002-02:00

Bobby speaks the truth.

(From Uncanny X-Men V1 #544 October, 2011.)

Pretty Dicky Move...

2011-10-20T22:08:00.005-02:00

Come on! Fred was only trying to protect his newly-gained sentience!

(From Darkwing Duck #17, October 2011.)

Thor Kills A Motherfucking Dragon

2011-10-20T15:30:00.001-02:00

FUCK YEAH!

(From Fear Itself #7, October 2011.)

It Came From The North...

2011-10-19T17:25:00.002-02:00

This is a kick-ass cover, by Massimo Carnevale.

(From The Northlanders #45, October 2011.)

Solid Army

2011-10-19T11:50:00.004-02:00

"Soldier", not "solider". If you write a comic about the military (no matter how ficticious that military), please at least get that word right. Spell-check is available in all word processing software, and I bet it is in scriptwriting software too.

At least it's not a "rouge" "solider" fighting for the "emporer". (Writer: Mike Costa, from Cobra #5, September 2011.)

Don Ramon: Agent Of COBRA!

2011-10-17T12:53:00.003-02:00

Only for Latin people... Look in the background, Don Ramon works for Cobra! I guess he has to do what he has to do to pay his rent...

{From Snake Eyes #5, September 2011.)

Logan's Running A School?

2011-10-13T10:45:00.001-03:00

"My dear, I'm going to help Logan run a school. By which I mean, I will be actually running the school and Logan will merely have the best office." Beast, X-Men: Regenesis (October 2011).

2011-10-08T00:17:00.000-03:00

So, Protector (Noh-Varr, former Marvel Boy) takes control of a bunch (a lot, actually) of old Iron Man armors to stall the Red Skull's Nazi mechas.

Problem is... at the begining of Heroic Age, they made a HUGE point out of the fact that Tony had to sell his all of his old armors to get money to start his new company, Stark Resilient. All he had left was his armor, the Rescue one for Pepper, and Rhodey's War Machine suit. Yeah, he somehow still built Rhodey a 2.0 suit; and I wouldn't put it past him having a few older models stowed away here and there...

But these many, in Avengers Tower, after all the fuss they made out of him selling his armors? This is just Bendis being lazy and not thinking of a different way to solve the story. It would have made a lot of sense if he had old Guardsman armors stashed away, or armors confiscated from villains; stuff he couldn't very well sell because it wasn't really his.

(From The Avengers V4 #17, September 2011.)

2011-10-07T13:38:00.003-03:00

As usual, nice covers for this book. (Cover by Patrick Zircher & Andy Troy.)

(From Black Panther: The Most Dangerous Man Alive #523.1, September 2011.)

Oh fuck no...

2011-10-06T13:52:00.001-03:00

You just don't do that...

(From The Boys #59, October 2011.)

Lex Luthor...

2011-10-06T10:23:00.002-03:00

... is a dick.

But we already knew that. It's good to see some things don't change.

(From Action Comics V2 #2, October 2011.)

2011-10-04T13:52:00.001-03:00

The Doctor knows what the right priorities are:

(From Doctor Who #9, 2011.)

Savage Archeologist

2011-10-02T02:50:00.003-03:00

Archeology... you're doing it wrong.

Even if you consider archeology a branch of anthropology (as some do); still, most archeology finds are objects, not human remains... you might want to have a "state-of-the-art genetics lab"; but you'd want a lot, lot more. Even in the comic they show that they work with digged up objects...

(From The Savage Hawkman #1, September 2011.)

Gee, thanks Jonathan Hickman!

2011-09-30T15:34:00.004-03:00

... for blowing up Montevideo!

At least it looks like it's not the whole city, if Hickman knows how many people live here (about 1.5 million).

(From The Ultimates V2 #2, September 2011.)

Fastest Man Alive!

2011-09-29T20:47:00.003-03:00

The Fastest Man Alive is back with a #1; and it's got a beautiful Francis Manapul cover:

Not only that, he has a pretty girlfriend that, surprisingly, doesn't have huge breasts like most women in comics:

(From The Flash V4 #1, September 2011.)

Spider-Stache, Spider-Stache!

2011-09-29T09:35:00.002-03:00

Spider-Man: master in the art of trolling JJJ.

(From The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #670, September 2011.)

Oi, lass!

2011-09-28T17:18:00.000-03:00

Aquaman has a British diet:

(From Aquaman V7 #1, September 2011.)

The New Daily Planet

2011-09-28T17:04:00.002-03:00

Impressive.

(From Superman V3 #1, September 2011.)

Hard Disk?

2011-09-26T14:06:00.003-03:00

Someone tell Marv Wolfman the differences between a CD/DVD and a hard disk.

Ultimate Marvel Moments From July And August

2011-09-24T12:30:00.006-03:00

Last stuff I had saved up from when I was still planning on continuing with the column format. These are all Ultimate Marvel moments, three from different issues of Ultimate Fallout, and one from the first issue of the new Ultimates series. First, from Ultimate Fallout #2:

Aunt May slaps Captain America! Whoa! Next, from issue #4 of the same book, our first glimpse of Miles Morales, the new Spidey!

I've already read the first issue of his own comic, and it's good. Now, from the last issue of Fallout, #5, Uruguay!

Uh-oh! Something bad's cooking... and we see how it unfolds in The Ultimates V3 #1:

That's a nuclear bomb going off the coast of Montevideo. Crap.

Laters,
The Dissector

Marvel Moments From July And August

2011-09-19T13:44:00.005-03:00

Just a small selection. First up, Tony Stark offers a sacrifice to Odin:

Then, the return of a great action figure model:

JETPACK CYCLOPS! And from the X-Men as well (although all of these were Fear Itself moments); someone takes up a new mantle:

Juggalossus!

DC Moments From July And August

2011-09-19T12:32:00.003-03:00

Just catching up a bit, with stuff I saved for the columns for those months, but that won't be coming out. So I selected the best stuff, and I'm sharing them here.

First, the only surprise in Flashpoint... the identity of the Joker.

Then, a new Green Lantern recruit:

Continued in GL #1 in September. Speaking of September and Green Lantern, from the first DCnU book, Justice League, Hal Jordan makes his entrance:

That's what I call making an entrance. And this was the last part of Flashpoint, a very touching scene:

Overriding your superior officers.

2011-09-19T10:55:00.003-03:00

So, any Lantern can override an HONOR GUARD Lantern's ring to send him away just with a verbal command? What?!?!?

So RetroActive, their dictionaries are out of date.

2011-09-19T10:39:00.003-03:00

Telekinesis! The ability to mentally transmute matter!

Only... that's not what telekinesis means!

2011-09-13T14:53:00.004-03:00

The Dissector #200.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

06/01"I came to Gotham as an adult to break the Batman. So I beat him. I did what no other could. Not Luthor, not those loathsome psychopaths in Arkham. And when he was beaten... I snapped his spine over my knee in a joyful sound that I have dreamt of every night since." Bane, Secret Six V3 #34.

06/08"Electro, I always meant to tell you... You were my greatest adversary and it was an honor to battle you. Oh wait. That wasn't you. I barely ever gave you a second's thought." Spider-Man, Ultimate Spider-Man #159.

06/15"Aquaman sinks half of Europe... and he's considered the most dangerous being on the planet. I slaughter half of Africa... and most people don't even know my name. Location, location, location." President Grodd, Flashpoint: Grodd Of War.

06/22"Kraven is about to learn the most important rule of fighting me... if you allow me to strike back, you have already lost." Black Panther, Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #520.

06/29"My plan... is to give the X-Men what they want... more mutants." Scarlet Witch, Avengers: The Children's Crusade #6.

It is with a heavy heart, that I welcome you to the column for the month of June. Heavy heart because this will be the last installment of The Dissector, at least for some time. I'm not killing the column forever, merely placing it in carbonite for a long, undetermined hiatus. You've noticed I haven't posted a column in months, even though I kept on compiling notes for this month, July, and August. When I started reading September's books, I decided it was time to let the column go for now.

Why? Well, as I've said before, I'm very busy with my day job, and now, thankfully, paid writing jobs (did you check out the flash game "Kingdom Rush"? I wrote the texts for that, and I'm working on the sequel already!), and some small, yet promising comic book lettering jobs. On top of that, I'm writing and editing comics in Spanish for the small imprint I'm part of, GAS Comics... and at some point, you'll see them in English as well (like this story I published on Hadron Colliderscope).

I just don't have the time to keep up and write this column as it deserves, but... you know what? I just decided that I'll transform this into a proper blog. I don't want to kill The Dissector, it'll just stop being a column for now, and have occasional blog posts, with a dissection that's just an image and a few lines; or even a cool moment (a la Moments Of The Week). I just can't kill the Dissector... he's stronger than me!!! So that's what it's going to be like: no schedule, no long-winded posts (unless I feel like it), no firm structure, no ratings, etc.

For now, however, enjoy the last column... but stay tuned. Last column's DT! was cracked by Johnny Doe: Alan Scott's power comes from his ring so only his right hand should be glowing. Yeah, the Starheart's power is within him and all that jazz, but still. Now, The Dissector's Picks For Each Week:

Best Book Of The Week of 06/01 was Thunderbolts #168; I'm not a fan of any of the character starring there, yet Jeff Parker makes them engaging. Kev Walker's art (with Frank Martin's colors) give the book a gritty feeling that's fitting for a book starring mostly convicts or ex-convicts. Worst Book that week was the first issue of the new volume of S.H.I.E.L.D.; as much as I love retro super-science (almost technomagic), and Dustin Weaver's art is pretty cool, Hickman's tendency to overcomplicate things just to seem deep makes it a boring read. Maybe that's not Hickman's intention, but it ends up feeling that way to me. Cover Of The Week is this wonderful piece by Sabrina Alberghetti for Chip 'N' Dale #7. I can relate to Monty's love for cheese.

Best Book for 06/08 was the first issue of Mystery Men; Marvel's miniseries introducing pulp-era heroes. As a writer who knows the style, David Liss is perfect for this book, and creates characters that fit the era's stereotypes superbly. Patrick Zircher's art captures the right feel for the 30s; with great color by Andy Troy. Worst Book was Red Robin #24. I have no idea why I was reading this book, it's not bad, but it's definitely not my kind of book... and the art by Marcus To is technically good, but bland. Cover for this week was Joe Jusko's beautiful painting for Warlord Of Mars #7. Jusko captures exactly what this book is about.

Week Of 06/15 has as Best Book Hellblazer #280, Peter Milligan's run keeps delivering, and while guest artist Gael Bertrand's style is not what I'd prefer, it doesn't disappoint. Trish Mulvihill's colors are probably the main reason why I still felt at home with Bertrand's art. Worst Book this week was Teen Titans #96, wake me up when the whole trip to Hindu hell is over. Cover this week was this simple, yet nice circus poster by Cliff Chiang, for issue one of Flashpoint: Deadman And The Flying Graysons.

Best Book for the week of 06/22 is Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #520. This book never ceases to entertain, David Liss' script for is great, and while Jefte Palo is not Francesco Francavilla, his art sure is up to the task. Worst Book was Superman #712. JMS's utterly boring "Superman walks through America" arc is interrupted by a bland fill-in issue starring Krypto, written by Kurt Busiek. It could have been palatable, if it wasn't for the awful art by Rick Leonardi, who can't draw a human being without a face that looks like it belongs to a Dick Tracy villain. Cover for this week is that beautiful piece by Alex Ross for Rocketeer Adventures #2... would make a great poster.

Last week of the month, 06/29, has as Best Book the second to last issue of The Strange Case of Mr. Hyde, issue #3. I can't stress enough how good this book is, and how it'd be a great TPB gift for people that don't usually read comics. Cole Haddon's script is neither pretentious nor silly; finding a perfect middle road to tell this tale; while MS Corley's art excels at evoking Victorian times, while being agreeable to modern artistic sensibilities. Buy the collected edition for someone when it comes out; or go buy the four issues online or from your friendly local comic book store. Worst Book of the week was Flashpoint: Project Superman #1. It wasn't inherently bad, just bland and uninteresting. Cover of the week is Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #11, by Dan Panosian... not a particularly beautiful cover, but definitely one that grabs your attention.

Let's get on with this last column...
<-------------------------------->
"RED THIS COLUMN. OR GREEN IT."

TITLE: The Dissector (Clockwork Chap).

ISSUE: 199.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Sidney noticed that I wrote that I had "red" Action Comics #901. Badge for Sidney... oh, BTW, you can still earn badges come the Dissector's new format, don't fret!

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING."

TITLE: Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (DC).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Rob Leigh (letterer).

DISSECTION: In addition to a character being called a "dignitary" during the whole issue, at one point the dialogues are overflowing the balloons. That's a very glaring lettering mistake.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN?"

TITLE: John Byrne's Next Men (IDW).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).

DISSECTION: Byrne calls one of his characters "Antonio", when her name is "Antonia", being a woman. He also writes "sectretarty" instead of "secretary", and while I don't do typos anymore, these two were pretty glaring.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each. The book also ends without a "to be continued" notice or anything along those lines, making you wonder if your copy is missing a page.
<-------------------------------->
"FOREIGN NAMES!"

TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Artist Carlos Rodríguez is credited as "Rodrîguez"; a last name that doesn't exist. Paying a little attention to names that are foreign to you is just a matter of respect...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LOOK MA! BOTH HANDS!"

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 712.

CULPRIT: Rick Leonardi (penciller).

DISSECTION: For the umpteenth time, a flashback to Superboy's death in Infinite Crisis is shown, and he has both hands.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SNIFFING PIXIE DUST."

TITLE: X-Men: Prelude To Schism (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Will Conrad (penciller) & Lee Loughridge (colorist).

DISSECTION: Regardless of the fact that Namor is wearing his Speedo costume in one page, and then later his current costume; Pixie appears at the end, but she looks nothing like she should. Different wings, different hair, different costume, etc. She looks more like Wasp from The Ultimates.

I still don't understand what this mini was about, really, since it doesn't seem to have anything to do with Schism...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars all around...
<-------------------------------->
Average was 6.4 Bazzars in nine dissections, pretty normal. Now, the Moments Of The Month! From 06/01, Peter Parker geeks out about something more important than anything that's happened in his superhero career:

That's what I like about Dan Slott, he gives Pete his scientific dues (Fred Van Lente does, too). The following week, but from the Ultimate universe, Aunt May shows she's hardcore:

Sadly, she couldn't save Pete. Over at Superman, this is what I meant earlier about Rick Leonardi's art:

Does he think they're all Bizarros? From 06/15, Iron Man's Fear Itself tie-in arc... watch the bottle. Now you see it...

Now you don't, Tony has it! From 06/22, who's able to deflect any insult?

Bladezz! And with just two words... Rocketeer Adventures not only gave us one of the covers of the week, but this moment:

Simply awesome. And to finish this column, a moment from 06/29's "Mr. Hyde":

Accuracy, people, please. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

2011-08-05T13:34:00.003-03:00

I'm still alive. Just busy with work, both dayjob, and lettering and writing duties for Clockwork Chap. Stay tuned, my loyal readers.

The Dissector

2011-07-25T14:37:00.005-03:00

The Dissector Special #10: Autopsy Awards 2010 Winners.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

You'll forgive me if I'm not too elaborate; but this is long overdue. There weren't many votes, and not many people (except my most loyal readers) cared about the awards, so I kept kicking the date back... but here they are.
<-------------------------------->
Best Writing Dissection:

Fifty percent of the votes went toward this little gem's victory.

W01-"THIS SMELLS LIKE BULLSHIT..." (The Dissector #147, 01/29/10)

COMMENT: With all the tools at Fraction's disposition, I was surprised he'd do something this dumb.

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 520.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: We get it, Wolverine has amazingly keen senses... but I will not accept that he can track a prey by smell from the top of a building in NEW YORK CITY, A 468.9 SQUARE MILES, 1,214.4 SQUARE KILOMETERS, 8,363,710 CITY INHABITANTS, AND 19,006,798 METRO AREA POPULATION CITY!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Not only does he track his prey (a Predator X) to a SEWER, but he knows that Fantomex (who carries no scent) is there because he smelled, and I quote, "a you-shaped hole in the smell of this dump". Fraction, Logan has a very acute sense of smell, not an echolocation device in his nostrils.
<-------------------------------->
Best Art Dissection:

This blog's readers don't condone laziness, at least, 77% of them don't.

A02-"FACE IS NOT IN MURDOCK'S BOOK.." (The Dissector #161, 05/08/10)

COMMENT: Simplification is one thing; plain old laziness is another.

TITLE: A-Team: War Stories: Murdock (IDW).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Guiu Vilanova (penciller).

DISSECTION: Artists, and particularly IDW artists, are known to not draw faces on background characters. While it's a practice I don't consider correct, it's understandable. Some IDW artists, however, most specifically, the ones in most of their Star Trek books, have done it to characters that, while not important to the scene, are not in the background. This time, however, Vilanova has taken it too far:

Come on! This is outrageous! Those are the ONLY TWO CHARACTERS IN THE PANEL!!! ONE OF THEM IS THE STAR OF THE BOOK, AND THE OTHER ONE IS TALKING!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU LAZY MOTHERFUCKER!??!!?!?!?!?!?!? Not happy with that, he does it twice more, once again to Murdock, star of the book, WHILE HE'S TALKING AND IS ONE OF THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS IN THE PANEL, AND THEN AGAIN... but in that panel Murdock is not talking, at least.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Best Coloring Dissection:

Reading the script is apparently a requirement...

C03-"THE GRAY HOOD." (The Dissector #181, 10/14/10)

COMMENT: This was just baffling.

TITLE: Red Hood: The Lost Days (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Brian Reber (colorist).

DISSECTION: Jason Todd is trying to find a girl in a car that's, unwittingly, carrying a bomb. Over the phone, he asks her what kind of car she's in, and she says the car is red. But the colorist made the car gray or black...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Best Lettering Dissection:

My readership is loyal, and is bothered by the same things I am.

L03-"HÉRR." (The Dissector #185, 11/19/10)

COMMENT: Two of my pet peeves (well, the same one twice, basically), mixed together.

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 647.

CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Joe's one of my favorite letterers, and that makes this dissection worse... he letter's what's supposed to be the word "Señor" as "Senõr". Not only that, he makes the "o" smaller because of the tilde. *sigh*

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzar's for fucking up the word, 7 for the smaller letter.
<-------------------------------->
Best Other Dissection:

This one was weird enough to not be ignored.

O04-"FIRST ISSUE EVER... AGAIN!" (The Dissector #187, 11/23/10)

COMMENT: There's hype, and then there's lying and being ridiculous.

TITLE: Spider-Girl V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Stephen Wacker (senior editor), Nate Cosby (editor), Tom Brennan (associate editor), and Mike Horwitz (assistant editor).

DISSECTION: Cover for this first issue says it's the "most synapse-shattering super hero debut of the decade". Really? Can someone explain to me how that's possible? Araña has been around since 2004; and she changed costume and name months ago, jumping around other books with it since then... This is not a debut in any way... at least not a "super hero debut". It might be a "solo series debut" (which would be partially correct), but not what they say...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Now, the positive awards on which you could vote:
<-------------------------------->
Best Quote:

This category was a tie; so I had to choose between the winner and another one. The winner was, ultimately, the one that worked well without knowing who said it (even if we do know) of the two.

Q03-"This station will be ground up with your bones into the finest powder which we will snort in our victory orgy." Drenx commander, S.W.O.R.D. #5. (The Dissector #154, 03/19/10)
<-------------------------------->
Best Moment:

Not my choice; but it was one of the "he had it coming" moments of the year.

M03-From Siege #4: It's over, Norman. (The Dissector #155, 03/26/10)

<-------------------------------->
Best Cover:

I don't think this was even a contest, I just had to put a few covers around it to give options.

T02-From The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #625. The Gauntlet could get a bit repetitive, but the Rhino storyline was definitely compelling. Cover by Marko Djurdjevic. (The Dissector #155, 03/26/10)

<-------------------------------->
Best Fight:

Yeah, this was pretty badass.

F03-Don't mess with John Walker (the former U.S.Agent), even when he's missing limbs! From Thunderbolts #147 (The Dissector #175, 09/07/10)

Now it's time for those awards that are given just for sheer dissection quantities:
<-------------------------------->
Company With Most Dissections: Marvel wins again; but unlike last year, when the difference was only 24 dissections, in this case it's almost ten times that; 232. Marvel had 1110 dissections, and DC 878.
<-------------------------------->
Company With Most Dissections Per Titles Ratio: DC wins this year, with a ratio of 6.2 from 878 dissections in 103 different titles I dissected during 2010; against Dynamite's 7.7 ratio (116 dissections in 15 titles), and Marvel's ratio of 6.2 (1110 dissections in 178 titles). I read more Dynamite books this year, it seems, than last year.
<-------------------------------->
Book With Most Dissections: Zorro doesn't win this year, even with 57 dissections, because there's another title with 63 dissections of its own... The Dissector. However, two things disqualify this column:

1) First, it's not a comic. I only review my own dissections because fair is fair.

2) X-Men Forever V2 (50 dissections), and X-Men Forever 2 (26 dissections) are basically the same book. They share the same characters, the same storyline; Chris Claremont writes both, and Tom Grummett is the main penciller in the first book and one of the most important two in the second one; plus, they share other creators (like letterer Tom Orzechowski). Combined, these two books get 76 dissections, and win this award.
<-------------------------------->
Book Family With Most Dissections: The X-Men family, with 369 dissections. Well behind are the Batman books with 206, and the Green Lantern books with 131. It's interesting to see how GL, with only three monthly books gets that third spot. No surprise to see the X-Men family get the first spot, since it's probably the most prolific family; although Batman is close, and I don't read all Bat books all the time... but then again, I don't read the half-dozen Wolverine books either.
<-------------------------------->
Most Dissected Writer: I got most dissections this year, with 59; but for the same reasons as above, the award goes to Chris Claremont's 52 dissections. Far behind, Matt Fraction and Matt Wagner share a spot with 39 each.
<-------------------------------->
Most Dissected Artist: Mark Bagley and Freddie Williams II share first spot with 21, Ivan Reis gets second spot with 16, and 15 dissections each gets Ardian Syaf and Mike Mayhew a shared third spot.
<-------------------------------->
Most Dissected Colorist: Hi-Fi takes top spot with 44 dissections, but I suspect they're actually a team and not one person. Dissector old friend Jeromy Cox (48 dissections) is second place, and Peter Pantazis gets third with 22 dissections.
<-------------------------------->
Most Dissected Letterer: Simon Bowland is only third place with 43 dissections, workhorse Joe Caramagna (for sheer volume of work, not for dissection ratio) gets second spot with 45, and this category's winner is another workhorse, Dave Lanphear, with 69 dissections.
<-------------------------------->
Most Dissected "Other": The Marvel Handbooks are even more riddled with mistakes than before, giving their head writer/coordinator Michael Hoskin a first place with 32 dissections. Stephen Wacker is far, far behind in his second place (9 dissections), and Tom Brennan and Jeff Christiansen share a third spot with 8 dissections each.
<-------------------------------->
Single Issue With Most Dissections: Fantastic Four In... Ataque Del M.O.D.O.K.! (Marvel); a one-shot with forty-six dissections; forty-three of them being smaller accented letters or Ñs (something I no longer report in the column, but I did report it last year, so...). This issue was responsible for 62% of the dissections that gave Dave Lanphear the top spot in the Letterer category.
<-------------------------------->
And now, special awards given because... well, because I damn pleased, and because of certain merits or lack thereof.
<-------------------------------->
Cyclone Fashion Award To The Most Mutable Costume: Dick Grayson's Batman costume. Frank Quitely (I think) designed it, but almost nobody else could keep it straight; even changing the shape of his chest emblem between pages.
<-------------------------------->
Most Puzzling Mistake: Last year, Marvel started using a new font (here's an example) for credits, "next issue" blurbs and so on; in some of their books.

Most comic book fonts are all capital letters; and some feature two all-caps versions with slight differences, depending on whether you type lower case or capital text. This particular font has a difference in the "A" (though I don't know if it comes from caps/not caps); as you can see in the image linked above. Some "A"s have a small addendum on their upper left corner; something that would be pretty stupid in languages that use accented letters, but well, not in English.

However, Marvel could never decide when to use this modified "A". Was it for the larger letters in the last names? Well, no, as you can see in the first line of last names with Gage and Buchman, one with, and the other without. Was it only for the smaller letters in first names? No, as you can see in "Dan" (with) Buckley and "Rachel" (without) Pinnelas.

Sometimes they were used for the first letter of names beginning in A; sometimes they were used in all "A"s in the page; sometimes for none except one, etc... In one "also on sale this month" page "Secret Avengers" would have the special A, but Avengers Academy (in the same font, size, and usage) would not; then in another comic "Avengers Academy" in the same font, size and usage in a "also on sale" page would get the special "A" for both words. And so on. In any combination you can imagine.

From the examples I had saved to write this column, and from what I can see from a quick search, it looks it was something used exclusively for the Avengers line; except for a couple of exceptions (that I could find, Young Allies and Captain America: Forever Allies). Also, it seems to be something done by Virtual Calligraphy letterers. Then again, those are only the books I took note of because the lettering was inconsistent... sometimes, by sheer coincidence, they were consistent (using all special "A"s, or only for last names, etc).

Obviously, this is not something horrible; and it's not even something I will keep reporting, as previously mentioned. But it was, without a doubt, baffling. And it will continue to baffle me, both as a reader, and as a (new, very green) letterer.
<-------------------------------->
The You Make Doc Brown Cry Timeline Fuck-Up Award: DC Universe Legacies (DC) uses the age-old plot device of showing the history of the fictional universe through the eyes of a common citizen... but fails miserably. I've said it every time the book came out; because every time they made it worse: the book's main character starts out as a young boy in the late 30s or early 40s and is swayed away from a life of crime after being impressed by the JSA in their first appearances; but then, as the book progresses, he's shown as a young, fit policeman when Superman first appears, when Doomsday kills Superman, etc.
<-------------------------------->
Coal-Fueled Diesel Trainwreck Issue Award: An award reserved for an issue that was really, really bad; this time around it doesn't go to a comic book, but to a handbook; Heroic Age: Heroes (Marvel). Apart from the usual load of mistakes (spelling mistakes, continuity errors, etc); in this case, what gets this issue the award is the fact that it fails at the very purpose of a handbook.

For some reason, perhaps due to being written in-universe by Steve Rogers, the usual Marvel Handbook power meters are not used. Instead, a power grid consisting of the following attributes is used: power, conscience, altruism, wisdom, courage, determination, free will, and vulnerability (in a scale from 1 to 10). Apparently, Hoskin and his writers have no idea what many of these words mean; look at how some characters are measured according to those attributes:

Beast has an altruism of 9, while Angel, Reed Richards, Mockingbird, NAMORA, COLLECTIVE MAN, RADIOACTIVE MAN, Thor, Longshot, and JIMMY WOO have 10??!?!?!?!?!?
Wolverine has a 5 altruism? Toro (the new bull-mutated kid, not the WWII Kid Torch) has a 7?
Paladin (a mercenary) has an altruism of 7, same as Northstar, and more than Moon Knight? And Elixir, a healer gets 5?
A-Bomb has a power of 8, while Angel has a 7, and American Eagle an 8. In what world are those characters of comparable power?

Vulnerability seems to be a mixture of physical and mental/emotional vulnerability, and even if you mix up the words "vulnerability" "invulnerability", switching the ends of the spectrum, it's still very fucked up:

A-Bomb and American Eagle have the same rating, 8; and Angel a 6... making Angel less vulnerable than those two? Or only two points more vulnerable?
Asgardians as a race have a vulnerability of 6. The same as Angel and Luke Cage.
Captain Britain has a vulnerability of 2... if it's a physical attribute, he's not that resistant, if it's a mental/emotional attribute, his insecurities are not reflected.
Despite his looks, the Thing is one of the most mentally stable characters in the whole Marvel universe, not to mention one of the most powerful, physically speaking. Then why does he get a vulnerability rating of 6?
Darwin, one of the most unbalancedly powerful characters in the X-teams, has a vulnerability of 5, when he's basically indestructible?

This is delicate... Normally, a detail like this wouldn't score too high; but because this is a handbook, the attributes in the power grid are a basic part of the book. Furthermore, it's done by Steve Rogers, who's one of the better judges of character and tactical minds in the Marvel universe, so these fucked up ratings make him look like an idiot.

Something like this garners the handbook team the "Golden Bonesaw Award" for catastrophic underachievement.
<-------------------------------->
Best Book Of The Year: Captain America: Patriot (Marvel). Yes, a miniseries; but it got best book of the week each time it came out, and in fact, since this year the best book of the week really varied from week to week, it ended up being the only book with more than three "best book of the week" notches. To quote myself when I chose the first issue as best book of its week: "Karl Kesel is a veteran character writer, and he gets the 40s dialogue and feel perfectly. For a book with a lot of narration (in the form of newspaper articles), it reads easily. Artist Mitch Breitweiser, with colorist and wife Bettie Breitweiser, draw a story that's both modern and WWII... like a (good) propaganda poster come to life."

Maybe I enjoyed other books more over the course of the year; since they were ongoings; or had characters (like Spidey, Green Lantern or the Legion) that I enjoy more; and this book was going to get (regardless of the "best book" count) "best miniseries"... but I have to concede it gets top spot for 2010.
<-------------------------------->
Worst Book Of The Year: JSA All-Stars almost made it because of the horrible art; having been worst book of the week four times; but in the end Teen Titans had that spot six times in the year... half the times it came out (and I'm not counting specials like Teen Titans: Cold Case). No fixed creative time, writers that didn't seem to get the characters, and artists who just didn't cut it. Some samples of what I said about the book when I picked it as worst book of the week:

"(...) boring story, confusing dialogue, plain art. That simple."

"(...) the Dakota plot was weak, and Holocaust was insanely powerful (even with a power-up), taking on Superboy, Miss Martian, Kid Flash and Wonder Girl head-to-head... plus, I hate this new trend of allowing Beast Boy to shapeshift into alien or mythological animals..."

"(...) The art is not as bad as it's been before, but it still shows at certain points where Luís didn't put any effort into faces, and writer Felicia D. Henderson... should stay away from the Titans... cheesy dialogues, weird plot twists, characters behaving like jerks, and harebrained power-effects make for a bad comic."
<-------------------------------->
Creator That I'm Sorry I Have To Dissect Award: Fred Van Lente. I love his writing, and when I find errors in it, I hate to point them out.
<-------------------------------->
Worst Character Depiction Although You Obviously Have Talent Award: In Uncanny X-Men #527 Whilce Portacio and Leonard Kirk make Emma Frost seem like a crack whore, and Colossus like a mentally deficient jock. I was shocked.
<-------------------------------->
Breakout Book Of The Year: The Sixth Gun (Oni Press). Great read; without being really groundbreaking, but it stands out as a new book of the year to pay attention to. Excellent for anyone who likes westerns with a touch of supernatural, and quite possibly a good read for those who don't usually read comics.
<-------------------------------->
Bloody Stumps With Blunt Crayolas Award: With a single bound, Leandro Oliveira lands a Superman issue, with art that looks like this:

Yes, Rod Reis's unusually bad coloring helps, but look at those characters... man...
<-------------------------------->
Best Character Of The Year: Once more, the single best written, more entertaining character is Spider-Man. Both by the Spider-Brain Trust or now in solitary by Dan Slott (although he makes appearances in Avenger and FF books), the character grows and evolves at the same time it's still portrayed according to his essence, to his basic characterization.
<-------------------------------->
Worst Character Of The Year: Red Robin. Come on, I understand the need to get Tim Drake a niche of his own, but Jr. Batman isn't really the way to go!
<-------------------------------->
Best Event Of The Year: Superman: Last Stand of New Krypton. Pretty much self-contained, and action packed, despite some slight mistakes and the occasional weak art.
<-------------------------------->
Worst Event Of The Year: The Return Of Bruce Wayne (as "The Insider"). The whole miniseries by Morrison was boring, but the whole plot point as "The Insider" was even wrose.

YOU'RE WEARING A YELLOW UTILITY BELT! YOU HAVE A SUIT THAT GIVES YOU THE POWERS OF CLASSIC JUSTICE LEAGUE MEMBERS! YOUR GLOVES HAVE BATMAN SPIKES!!! AND SHE'S THE FOREMOST EXPERT IN INFORMATION IN THE SUPERHERO COMMUNITY!!! STOP TREATING THIS INSIDER SHIT AS MYSTERIOUS, IT'S OBVIOUS TO ALL HIS FUCKING ALLIES (AND ANYONE WHO CAN ADD 2+2) THAT THAT'S BATMAN!!!!!
<-------------------------------->
Best Publisher Of The Year: Personally, I liked a lot of the stuff DC put out this year, but they also had a lot of weak moves (see above, for example). Marvel, all in all, offered a great all-around spread of books with in every family of books (X-Men, Avengers, street heroes, etc).
<-------------------------------->
Worst Publisher Of The Year: Dynamite Comics, again, because they keep publishing books with gross Spanish mistake, and it's obvious they don't care, despite publishing a lot of good stuff.
<-------------------------------->
Funniest Book Of The Year: Atomic Robo (Red 5 Comics); in any of its permutations, always fun and funny.
<-------------------------------->
Best Creator Of The Year: Shared by Paul Levitz and Yildiray Cinar, for bringing back the Legion in style. I'm sad Cinar gradually did less and less of the LSH art, and that he won't be working on the team anymore. He was made for the book, and what can I say about Levitz? He still has it.
<-------------------------------->
Worst Creator Of The Year: I only read one book with art by him, and Leandro Oliveira (who did this) gets this award. Yes, a lot of other creators fucked up, but at least they do it in the process of delivering otherwise good stuff. Even Simon Spurrier... wait, I was going to excuse Simon, but he wrote an X-book where Dr. Nemesis said "Science-Gaze sees all, brainfail! There WILL be crotch-punching!", so... they share.
<-------------------------------->
Dumbest Plot Move: Bruce Wayne reveals he's behind Batman, and has been for years.

Batman, Inc. is a good concept, but I believe it's stupid for Bruce Wayne to reveal he's behind Batman, particularly when he a) still runs around inside a Batman costume, b) his three closest costumed associates are his children (two adoptive and one biological), c) those three sons are the exact heights and builds as the other Batman, Red Robin, and Robin and he paraded them in front of the press even if Damian hadn't been introduced to the public, and d) half of Gotham's population might suspect him of being Batman anyway. Add on top of that the fact that he's going around the world fronting Batman, Inc. and dealing with foreign governments and police departments, behaving in ways that completely throw overboard his playboy persona, and it's like he doesn't care if his cover is blown... Wait, maybe he just gave up on hiding it altogether! Of course, he has protection, so do his friends and associates... man, what a great moment to be a random employee of Wayne Enterprises!!!
<-------------------------------->
Most Baffling Dyslexia: Dear comic book writers, "physiognomy" does not mean the same as "physiology" or "anatomy". In case you're too lazy to click on links or crack open a fucking dictionary, here are the definitions of "physiognomy":

1. the face or countenance, esp. when considered as an index to the character: a fierce physiognomy.
2. Also called anthroposcopy. the art of determining character or personal characteristics from the form or features of the body, esp. of the face.
3. the outward appearance of anything, taken as offering some insight into its character: the physiognomy of a nation.

It is not, I repeat, NOT, a word that you can use to refer to mutant physiology/anatomy (like I dissected before on an X-Men book), nor a word you can use to refer to the digitized information of a person's body for teleportation... WORDS ARE YOUR FRIENDS!!! THEY LIVE INSIDE DICTIONARIES!!! AND NOW, THEY'RE EVEN INSIDE THE INTERNET!!!!
<-------------------------------->
That's it for this year; I'll be on the outlook for more nominees, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

2011-06-18T21:25:00.011-03:00

The Dissector #199.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

05-04 "Bah! I can travel in both time and relative dimensions in space!" Doctor Dinosaur, Atomic Robo & Others Free Comic Book Day 2011.

05-11 "This is nothing but bullshit! You expect us to believe that he can't get into this school because he hasn't passed English???? That's the worst excuse I've heard in my entire fucking life. What is it? You didn't like his psych test because this moron wrote all that crap about death and Jim Morrison's grave?" La Ranita, Ranitas: Catarsis & Rock N Roll.

05-18 "Tony said he hated the Norse god speech pattern I'd developed and promised to give ten million dollars to charity if I spoke like a normal person again." Thor, Ultimate Avengers Vs. New Ultimates #4.

05-25 "Y'know, there are times I wish Uncle Ben had told me that with great power comes pie..." Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #662.

And welcome to a new column, this time for the month of May. Last column's DT! was cracked by Captain JohnnyDoe, who noticed that Martian Manhunter is too tall on that cover. Yes, he's a shapeshifter, but still... Let's go to the Picks of the Month:

Cover Of The Week for 05/04 was Chip 'N' Dale Rescue Rangers #6, by James Silvani and Jake Miller; even if the title characters are not in the cover, the other two stars are, and it's the perfect image of what a Rescue Rangers' adventure should be. Best Book for that week was Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art Of Science #5; a perfect ending for a, as usual, great mini from the Robo team. Worst Book was JSA All-Stars #18. Blocky, ugly art that lacks soul, and a bland plot. It's not bad that this book is ending soon. Best Book Of The Week for 05/11 is Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #518, I can't stress enough how fun, fast-paced, yet filled with character moments this book by David Liss and Francesco Francavilla is. Worst Book for 05/11 is Justice League Of America V2 #57. It's no secret I've found James Robinson's JLA run boring, and Brett Booth's art, while good, is not enough to save this book. Cover for that week is Patrick Zircher's alternate FF #3 cover with (part of) Wolverine's graphic evolution.

Cover for 05/18 is Alex Ross's cover for Rocketeer Adventures #1... I wouldn't mind having that painting. Best Book of that week was Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #13. Paul Levitz never fails to deliver, and while I'd prefer that all art was Yildiray Cinar, Jonathan Glapion is not bad as his co-artist. Don't look for groundbreaking comic book storytelling, though, this is just a straight up future superhero romp. Worst Book was X-Men Giant-Size #1... a pointless fight, and a *yawn* ultra-powerful enemy that seeks to eradicate mutants, completely pulled out of nowhere, complete with a flashback to some of Cyclops' repressed memories from when the original five were Xavier's only X-Men. Best Book for 05/25 was issue #2 of The Strange Case of Mr. Hyde. It's a fresh take on the old tale, intertwining it with Jack The Ripper's, newcomer writer Cole Haddon (who comes from the screenwriting and movie journalism fields) spins an entertaining story that sounds at the same time fresh, modern, and Victorian as well. M.S. Corley (who I hadn't heard of before either) delivers great art that fits the story perfectly, enhanced by Jim Campbell's colors; and the whole thing is embellished by Richard Starking & Comicraft's lettering. Is it mind-blowing? No, I wouldn't say so. But it's so neat, so well done, that you can't help but say "man, this is a good comic book". Give it to people who don't usually read comics. Worst Book was Action Comics #901. One of the most boring Super Team Vs. Doomsdays fights I've ever red, Paul Cornell usually writes better things. Plus, why should I care about this book's numbering and history, if they're rewinding everything soon? Meh. Cover for this week is this sweet 70s movie poster style painting by Clayton Crain from Green Lantern V4 #66.

Let's get to those dissections...
<-------------------------------->
"ÖBAMA."

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 901.

CULPRIT: Jesus Merino (artist) & Paul Cornell (writer).

DISSECTION: Current DCU president (shown mostly in Freedom Fighters) is not Obama, nor does he even look like him (he's actually white).

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Plus, it's actually un-DC to have a real-life president (although they've done it before, occasionally).
<-------------------------------->
"THE DYSSECTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Clockwork Chap).

ISSUE: 198.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: My apologies to HDSC member Sidney, whose name I spelled as "Sydney" last column. Badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BACK TO THE LEAGUE."

TITLE: JLA V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 58.

CULPRIT: Mike Miller (penciller).

DISSECTION: Check this one, from 2001:

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TIME TWIST."

TITLE: Knights Of The Dinner Table: Black Hands 2011 Special (Kenzer & Co.).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Jolly Blackburn (writer).

DISSECTION: Weird Pete, Patty, B.A., and Earl are all talking about when Nitro had recently returned from the Marines, fifteen years ago, and Earl says he remembers him as being terrible back then. Only problem is, Earl was introduced in the strip as a new character, transferring from another college to the local university only a few years ago. This doesn't jive even with a fluid timescale (like the one this comic uses), because Earl was specifically introduced as a new guy in town.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"~^?"

TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel)

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer)

DISSECTION: Penciller Sergio Ariño gets his name wrong, with a "^" instead of the "~" that the "ñ" should have... and it's halfway over the A and the R...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Double.
<-------------------------------->
"IF I HAD A HAMMER."

TITLE: The New Avengers V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis.

DISSECTION: Given how public it was during Norman Osborn's "Dark Reign", there's absolutely no way anyone, much less a cop, would not know what H.A.M.M.E.R. is or was.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GRILS, GRILS, GRILS."

TITLE: Suicide Girls (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 & 02.

CULPRIT: Unidentified production designer.

DISSECTION: One of the ads at the end says "suiciegirls". I know producing this complete marketing vehicle must sap your enthusiasm, but you can at least write the brand name right, no?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TA-NO-TANTU."

TITLE: Teen Titans V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 35.

CULPRIT: Fabrizio Fiorentino (penciller).

DISSECTION: Vixen's powers come from her Tantu totem necklace. So you kind of have to draw it on her, not just a random animal fang necklace.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LET'S JUST SKIP A FEW STEPS IN EVOLUTON."

TITLE: X-Men Giant-Size (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Christopher Yost (penciller) and Paco Medina (penciller).

DISSECTION: "For Homo sapien to live... Australopithecus sediba had to die.", that phrase is full of fail, because Australopithecus weren't even proto-humans, Australopithecine were bipedal and dentally similar to humans, but with a brain size not much larger than modern apes, lacking the encephalization characteristics of the genus Homo. The date is wrong, too, since it says 2.5 million years ago, and A. sediba lived between 1.95 and 1.78 million years ago.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars for using the Australopithecine instead of one of the archaic Homo sapiens (such as Homo heidelbergensis, Homo rhodesiensis, or Homo neanderthalensis), 7 for the wrong date.
<-------------------------------->
May, then, has an average of 8.2 Bazzars in ten dissections. Pretty high, but then again, I'm only keeping the most outrageous dissections these days. Let's go with the Moments Of The Month. First, from 05/04's issue of Atomic Robo, Tesla has a real "war of the currents" with Edison:

If you know me, you know this is fan service for me. Thank you, Brian Clevinger and Scott Wegener! Next, more from the same issue:

The real reason behind alternating current! More Atomic Robo, from the 2011 Free Comic Book Day Special, we learn how Dr. Dinosaur gets his guns:

Moving on to the next week, what's a good idea to have Batman everywhere?

Well, it's certainly NOT bat-robots, Bruce! Of course, what can we expect from...

... an internet troll? Now, from a Uruguayan comic, Ranitas: Catarsis & Rock N Roll, the stuff we do as drunken teenagers:

I didn't do THAT exactly, and I was a pretty nerdy guy who went out dancing and drinking very little... but I did a few stupid things while drunk, so I smile at this from a "yeah, I know" viewpoint. Week of 05/18 brought me some Quislet action over in LSH:

And it's almost as if the book had been written for me:

Good one. Now, more fan service, even if I don't like this artist, is having Lockheed meet up with Kitty Pryde in Astonishing X-Men:

That didn't go to well... or did it?

Guns! Big guns! You know who knows his place in the universe? Paladin:

He keeps it real. More Uruguayan stuff, from Orange Shaft, you shouldn't try to mug the wrong guy:

Believe me, this one of the tamest scenes in the whole book. You should see what Orange Shaft does to a guy's testicles with an arrow... Now, from 05/25, what do Donald's famous nephews do when they're not out adventuring?

They adventure some more! And to finish the column, John Stewart goes Death Star:

Again. Man, poor Mogo. I mean, we know he doesn't socialize, but that's no reason to do that to him That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

2011-06-13T12:36:00.015-03:00

The Dissector #198.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

04-06 "(...) that's the great thing about being evil. Good is ever-vigilant because good never knows when evil will strike. Evil, on the other hand, always knows when it's going to strike, so evil can afford to take a couple of days off." Abyss I, Abyss: Family Issues #2.

04-13 "You lack protocol. "Imperius Rex" is generally reserved for before battle is joined." Namor, Uncanny X-Men #535.

04-20 "This has gone on long enough! I've got a reality-devouring elder beast to get to. You, sir, are in the way! En garde!" Darkwing Duck, Darking Duck #11.

04-27 "Getting to kick Logan in the face is definitely silver lining." Spider-Man, X-Men V3 #10.

Trying to get these out of the way so I can regain my regular posting rhythm (although I'm considering going monthly), this is the column for the month of April. On another matter, but still within the subject of change, I've launched Clockwork Chap, my own venture for freelance writing, comic book lettering, sound editing, minor graphic design, etc... Studio Robota is still the label for my projects with my bro Endriago, but since The Dissector is my own baby, it'll be under the banner of Clockwork Chap. So go to Facebook, and like it! Last column's DT! was cracked by Sydney: with Parallax again inside the GL Central Battery, their rings are again ineffective on yellow stuff... so how was Hal carrying Sinestro's ring within an energy globe? But Syd hasn't been reading the GL books, so he just took a guess. Still, he got it right.

Let's go with the Picks for each week. Cover Of The Week of 04-06 was that nice Robotman piece from Doom Patrol #21 by Matthew Clark, Serge Lapointe, and Guy Major. I just liked it. Best Book this week was Uncanny X-Men #534.1, Kieron Gillen's debut as UXM writer is off to a great start, with an excellent showcase for Magneto and why he's with the X-Men. Art by Carlos Pacheco is certainly up to the task, as the veteran artist certainly knows his X-Men. Worst Book was the JLA 80-Page Giant 2011... Adam Glass writes a completely non-compelling tale of several JLA members (and not, since Lobo, Etrigan, and Ragman are there, for example) wading through different circles of infernal punishment in one of those Satanus-Blaze-whoever bi-monthly-fight-for-control of-whatever-passes-for-some-version-of-Hell but-is-not-actually-Hell comics; and it doesn't even make sense, since while I can see how Oracle and Booster Gold can be in the "gluttony" circle, since one craves information and the other fame and glory; but why are Supergirl and Wonder Woman in the "lust" one? Or Zatanna and John Stewart in "treachery"? Not to mention the bland and inconstant art by Scott McDaniel, with inexpressive faces, weird poses, detail-light group shots where characters wear costumes belonging to others or Batman wears long shorts over his tights; and having Zatanna look Asian or Supergirl look like a forty-year old Bette Middler... add to that lettering, continuity, and coloring mistakes (which don't make the column now, but do detract from quality), and I wonder how editors greenlight these things. Best Book for the Week of 04/13 was Black Panther: Man Without Fear #517, David Liss tells a fast-paced, yet very detailed urban vigilante story, with relatable characters. Not to mention Francesco Francavilla's pulp-styled art, which I'll certainly miss from Liss's upcoming continuation series, Black Panther: The Most Dangerous Man Alive. Worst Book was Secret Warriors #26... for the last fifteen issues this books has been the perfect example of a book where a lot happens, yet nothing is really happening. Writer Jonathan Hickman weaves interesting conspiracies and comes up with fun pseudoscientific concepts, but in Secret Warriors, as well as in S.H.I.E.L.D., nothing actually happens, nothing at least that couldn't be told in a quarter of the pages used. Fantastic Four and now FF are not far behind in this style of Hickman's, but at least there I care about the characters. But back to Secret Warriors, Alessandro Vitti's art is not bad, not at all, but it does nothing for me. Mike Del Mundo draws this Hollywood Thor variant cover for Uncanny X-Force #7, which I liked over the rest of the covers that week.

Cover for the Week of 04/20 was this nice Hellblazer #278 by Simon Bisley... while I don't care much for the thicker, rougher face he's giving Constantine these days, this cover is the perfect amalgam of magic and grit that a Hellblazer book should have. Best Book for this week was X-Factor #219, just like the month before, Peter David and Emanuela Lupacchino headline a creative team that weave a series where a lot is happening all the time, yet you don't feel lost; and there's a good balance of action and character development/interaction. Worst Book of the Week is Avengers #12... just can't find what's good about this story arc. It's not that Bendis' writing being decompressed; one should expect that from him, but it's just not enjoyable this time around. And Romita's art is weak, uninspired, taking the blockiness and thick lines that are part of his trademark to an extreme where it's unappealing. Best Book of the week of 04/27 was Star Wars: Legacy - War #5, the end of the miniseries. Again, a bit rushed, but it was still very enjoyable, and it leaves you wanting more of this Star Wars era. Worst book this week was Justice Society of America #50. Too much of a jumble of new characters (both new to the book and new in general) that haven't gotten enough time, making you feel as if a couple of dozen pages of story between the last couple of issues and this one has been edited out. Cover for the week is from Warlord Of Mars #6, again by Joe Jusko. He paints a beautiful and alluring, yet obviously exotic woman.

And now, the dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"SCIENCE IN ACTION."

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 900.

CULPRIT: Paul Cornell (writer).

DISSECTION: This might look like one of the minor mistakes I might have to keep out of the new column format... but calling "nanobots" "nanobytes" is something that I can't condone.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CLASSIFIED."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 327.

CULPRIT: David Michelinie (writer).

DISSECTION: From my Vault, and 1989 comes an issue from the Acts Of Vengeance crossover... Magneto lands in Central Park, and a New Yorker mocks him with a "Halloween ain't for two weeks!". Well, I might concede that back then, Magneto wasn't as well known to the general public as he is now... but how many times has New York been invaded by supervillains? And you're gonna mock some guy in costume? He flies and wears a suit of armor, actually, and you mock him?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FLASH SURPRISE."

TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Barry Allen, the fastest man alive, the man who's lived in the future, fought mythological gods and space aliens, met his comic book hero after who he called himself the Flash, and has more than likely seen a lot of things, including parallel world versions of himself... finds it strange to meet a future or parallel version of himself?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Please!
<-------------------------------->
"CLASSIFIED."

TITLE: JLA Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 30.

CULPRIT: Kilian Plunkett (artist).

DISSECTION: From 2006 comes this DT!, check it out:

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Seeing that I had to fish in the Vault, and what I have filed for May, and for the two weeks of June already gone by, I'm going to have to do one more change to the column: it's going to be monthly now. I hope you'll still enjoy it, and I'm certain I'll be able to keep up. This column's average was 7 Bazzars in four dissections. Four! Yeah, monthly is the way to go.

Now, the Moments for each week... From 04/06, Vader shows us his dance moves:

Well, he's actually jumping off of a landed shuttle, but it's not the best depiction of that kind of movement. Next, from the best book of the week, Magneto saves San Francisco:

I know it looks like he's actually attacking it, but trust me, he's saving people. From 04/13, only one moment... the true purpose of the Colossus of Rhodes:

Fighting giant robots and monsters! Now, speaking of giant robots, and from 04/20, Darkwing Duck knows how to fight them too:

Of course, you fence with them using petrified spies! And for the end of this column, three moments from 04/27. First, who's back in the DCU?

John Constantine. You don't wanna be his friend, trust me. Then, both Booster and Beetle set Max Lord and his OMAC straight:

Give 'em hell, boys! And last, how do you make the Planet of the Apes?

You give the apes some zeppelins! Yeah! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

PS: You can still get in your votes for the Autopsy Awards.

2011-06-08T13:07:00.028-03:00

The Dissector #197.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

03-02 "Will he live and junk?" King Shark, worried about one of his teammates' health, Secret Six V3 #31.

03-09 "Just one person to call you their peer is enough of a verdict, if it's the right person." Hawkeye, after being complimented by Captain America, Hawkeye: Blindspot #2.

03-16 "We need liquor, drugs, a yard of sheet latex, and a case each of penicillin and lube. Give me three minutes." Wendell's preparations for a trip to Las Vegas, Bad Dog #4.

03-23 "Dear God... or other similar Judeo-Christian messianic figure... or the Ancient Ones... or some weird evolutionary something-or-other... or some random confluence of events that resulted in the perfect conditions for life to flourish on this once-barren, desolate hunk of rock... we thank you for... Oh, right... or Mephisto, the Devil, or some other evil incarnate being... we thank you for this wonderful dinner. " Alex Power's eclectic grace at a Future Foundation dinner, FF #1.

03-30 "... beware MY freakin' power--GUY GARDNER'S MIGHT!" Guy Gardner, Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #8.

Long I have been gone, but here I am again. The same way DC is doing some spring cleaning, so am I (even though it's almost winter where I live). There will be some changes, some streamlining in this column, and you can read about them here. Bottom line? Well, I won't sweat it over accented letters, eye colors, or minor/routine mistakes. And trust me, I saw a few wrong eye colors in the comics I read yesterday and today, and it's hard not to make a note of it as I used to do for the column. And I deleted all the stuff in my notes for future columns that would usually go in The Rundown. It's hard, but I have to take steps to make sure this column is leaner, more dynamic, and most important of all, not behind schedule. That's why this is a column for the whole month of March, and there will be subsequent columns for April and May, and whatever else I need to do to get back on a semi-weekly schedule.

With all that out of the way, last column's (months ago) DT! was cracked by... nobody. Darryn noticed that the Starro on Rughal is on his coat, and not his actual neck, and that'd be something worth noting (and he gets badge)... but that wasn't it. The problem is that they are referring to "telemetry", when it's just a picture or video feed. They wanted to use a fancy word. Let's get on with The Dissector's Picks for each week. Week of 03/02 has X-Factor #216 as Best Book, as usual, it is a great job by Peter David, Emanuela Lupacchino, and the rest of the team, and its cover by David Yardin and Sonia Oback is the cover for that week. Worst Book was for Batman Confidential #54. Boring storyline, poorly told.

Cover of the Week for 03/09 is Joe Jusko's beautiful piece for Warlord Of Mars: Dejah Thoris #1. Sure, other (this book has like six variant covers per issue) may draw a curvier, juicier Dejah Thoris, but Jusko's just screams "Edgar Rice Burroughs' book cover". Best Book for that week is the Legion of Super-Villains one-shot by Paul Levitz and Francis Portela, just great LSH... well, LSV fun. Worst Book that week is JSA All-Stars #16. Poor plot, blocky art... why am I reading this? Best Book Of The Week for 03/16 is The Amazing Spider-Man #656; as Dan Slott shows over and over why he gets Spider-Man so much; his personality, motivation, and modus operandi. This is Spider-Man beating villains with his mind and not just his powers, and Marcos Martin's Silver Age-feeling art style is a cherry on top. Worst Book this week is T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents #5. This book is going nowhere, and this was the last issue I read, I believe. A pity, because other things I've read by Nick Spencer was good, and while Cafu's art is not my particular choice, it's solid. The Cover for this week is Alex Ross's cover for The Lone Ranger & Zorro: The Death of Zorro #1. Just works as a movie poster of sorts.

Cover Of The Week for 03/23 is from Captain America Comics #1: 70th Anniversary Special, a recreation by Brian Ching and Michael Atiyeh of the classic 1941 cover of Cap's first appearance. Best Book for this week is Osborn #4; Kelly Sue DeConnick's tale of Osborn's ploys is entrancing, and more so with Emma Ríos' beautifully crafted art, not to mention Jose Villarrubia's colors. Worst Book of the week is Batman, Incorporated #4... Morrison's assassination of the Spanish language and Latin cliches is made even worse by his insistence on Silver Age and Golden Age stuff that makes Batman sillier than it should be, such as Batman dancing "EL TANGO DEL MUERTE" with Bat-Woman (Kathy Kane) on a rooftop. I like Silver/Golden Age references, and Silver or Golden Age-influenced art... but continuously bringing back stuff that should have stayed there is not good for books like this one. Best Book Of The Week for 03/30 is Star Wars: Legacy - War #4. As rushed as this conclusion to the Legacy series feels, John Ostrander and Jan Duursema tell a fun, dynamic Star Wars tale. Worst Book Of The Week is Avengers #11. Bendis milks a tired story for a couple of issues too long, and Romita's art is a poor ghost of what the man can actually accomplish. Seriously, it's BAD. Cover for this week is Steve Epting's variant for Captain America #616. This is a good example of retro.

Here's The Rundown, for the last time, and only because I had already finished it when I decided the column's new format:

Adventure Comics V1 (Bouncing Boy's hair should be black, and his eyes blue), Age Of X: Universe (accented letter), The Amazing Spider-Man (JJJ's eyes should be blue), Avengers: The Children's Crusade - Young Avengers (Hulkling's hair is colored incorrectly), The Avengers V4 (inconsistent credit lettering, Dr. Strange looks like Tony Stark, Loki is not Thor's half-brother), Avengers Academy (Hazmat's eye colors change colors, accented letter), Batman: Streets Of Gotham (Batman's belt is wrong, Jay Garrick looks old when the JSA is supposed to be a new team, and the timeline still doesn't jive; there's no way the JSA could have started when Bruce Wayne's parents were young), Batman: The Dark Knight (Penguin looks wrong), Batman Confidential (a quotation mark in the wrong place), Batman, Inc. (the Malvinas/Falklands coordinates are missing a part, and they're too down south; the map doesn't look right, horrible Spanish galore), Birds Of Prey V3 (Dove's powers are incomplete, a bat-family line-up has everyone labeled, but not Batgirl, Dick's bat-emblem is wrong), Black Panther: The Man Without Fear (accented letters), Brightest Day (Ray Palmer's eyes are colored incorrectly, Ronnie Raymond's hair is colored incorrectly, and he also refers to a "battlezone" as a "battleship"), Captain America: Hail Hydra (Wakanda looks nothing like it should, accented letter not only is smaller, but the accent is the wrong type), Captain America And Batroc (French inside translation brackets, Bucky-Cap's gun and boots are wrong), Captain America And The Falcon (Bucky-Cap's gun is wrong, and the gang the guy Falcon is look for changes name after a few pages), Comic Book Comics (couple of misspelled words), Cyclops V2 (wrong costume, cedille), Doom Patrol V5 (Rita's eyes should be brown, not green), Fear Itself: Book Of The Skull (using a teleporter to avoid a boobytrap which wasn't really one, Bucky and Namor get their eyes colored wrong, Namor's ankle wings are drawn gigantic), Generation Hope (Xavier and Logan get their eyes colored incorrectly), Giant-Size Atom (Atom's eyes are wrongly colored), Green Lantern V4 (badges, a female guardian when Krona is expelled), Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (badges), Green Lantern Corps (badges and costumes), Heroes For Hire V3 (Misty Knight shouldn't have blue eyes), The Intrepids (misspelled word), The Invincible Iron Man V2 (accented letter, Tony Stark referred to as "Matt" (Fraction) in letters page), Justice League: Generation Lost (Batman's belt is wrong, a bystander changes appearance between pages), The Lone Ranger & Zorro: The Death Of Zorro (accented letter), The New Avengers V2 (Sabretooth, Namora, and Nick Fury get wrong eye color, inconsistent credit lettering, and the "previously" mentions H.A.M.M.E.R. as still operating, although illegal, when it's just former members of it), New Mutants V3 (accented letters, Psylocke wrong eye color), Onslaught Unleashed (horrible Spanish and accented letters), Osborn (Osborn eye color), Power Girl V2 (word missing in letters page), Power Man And Iron Fist ("dell'morte"), Red Robin (accented letters and Ñ), Supergirl V5 (character heights), Superman/Batman (Batman has claws in his gloves?), Superman V1 (a comma inside quotation marks), The Traveler (accented letters), Thunderbolts (Doc Strange's moustache is wrong), Ultimate Avengers Vs. Ultimates (wrong Spanish and accented letters), Uncanny X-Men (Namor has huge ankle wings, Colossus has some strange markings on his steel skin, Namor's eyes should be grey, not blue), Warlord Of Mars (the writer keeps calling Captain John Carter "Jack", not only as a nickname, but as his full name), X-Factor V3 (JJJ moustache is wrong, Wolfsbane eyes change color, accented letter), X-Men V3 (Emma Frost is obviously "diamonded up", but reverts to normal color for a panel), X-Men Legacy (accented letters).

<-------------------------------->
"VIVE LA RESISTANCE!"

TITLE: Captain America And The First Thirteen (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot/

CULPRIT: Ramon Perez (penciller).

DISSECTION: Why the flying fuck are resistance fighters in Nazi-occupied France during WWII WEARING MILITARY UNIFORMS? No, they're not wearing Nazi uniforms to blend in, but what seem to be military uniforms of their own, while they sneak around spying on Nazis. Not even combat fatigues, but battle dress uniforms suitable to support troops in administrative duties, coomplete with nice green sweaters AND NEAT LITTLE NECKTIES!!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Stealthy, yeah. Ever heard of a guerrilla movement, Mr. Perez?
<-------------------------------->
"LEGACY OF TIME/"

TITLE: DC Universe Legacies (DC).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Len Wein (writer), Scot Kolins (artist).

DISSECTION: This book has got to be the continuity fuck-up of recent times. The character who tells the story was a kid in the 30s when JSA members first start appearing, then is a young police detective when Superman first appears, and during Infinite Crisis he barely looks fifty (and a good, very handsome and young-looking fifty); while his brother-in-law and childhood friend looks like a 20-year old. In fact, if you didn't know who he is, you'd think his friend is Jimmy Olsen.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MINOR STUFF."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 196.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Captain Donald313 of the HDSC let me know I wrote "an character" instead of "a character". Yes, I will continue to feature my own minor errors as a matter of intellectual honesty.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NO DISSECTION SHALL ESCAPE OUR SIGHT!"

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 64.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: The DT! for this column:

Hint: you must be following current Green Lantern books in order to get this... but you might get it by accident if you haven't read GL in ages.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. It might be explained away, but I still kept it.
<-------------------------------->
"SUPERBOY TWO-IN-ONE."

TITLE: Superboy V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Jeff Lemire (writer).

DISSECTION: In a single page, Lemire manages to have Superboy call Beast Boy "Garth" (Aqualad/Tempest's name) instead of "Gar" (as Beast Boy's name is Garfield), and Pete Ross mention "Steve Danton" instead of "Steve Dayton".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for Garth/Gar, and 4 for Danton/Dayton.
<-------------------------------->
"STARK LIES."

TITLE: Venom V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Rick Remender (writer).

DISSECTION: I'm enjoying this book, but Remender needs a refresher on Marvel Universe tenets: there's no way UN peacekeeping troops will have Stark power armor, not after all the efforts Tony made to get all his armor tech out of other hands.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
And that, more or less, is what future columns will look like. I'm not even going to pad out columns with stuff from The Vault, except for very special situations; such as when I don't find a good DT!, or there's absolutely nothing really worth mentioning. In fact, I'm going to the vault after I finish this column to delete everything that's an accent, eye color, or other stuff that no longer passes muster for columns. This column's average was 6.3 Bazzars in one hundred and thirty-six dissections. Last time you'll see that amount of dissections.

Now, let's get with each week's Moments, shall we? Only one for 03/02, and it's Quackerjack at his most human, err, duck:

Sad ending. Then, from 03/09, we've got two. First, Alan Moore's childhood:

Hehe... Van Lente and Dunlavey crack me up. And what's the smart thing for Captain Action to do when he's recovered a magical orb from some Nazis, and he's confronted by the Yeti?

Why, have the Yeti swallow the magical orb! GREAT IDEA!!! Next up, from 03/16, three Moments. When you're a werewolf, you have to be badass:

... or at least look like it for a few moments. Now, again from Darkwing Duck, I need this:

... and not just because it's a jetpack. Remember what I was saying at the start of the column about Dan Slott making Spidey act smart? Well:

That's what I like! Now, one from 03/23, Brainiac 5 shows his love for his fellow Legionnaires:

In his own way, of course. And to end this column, two from 03/30. First, Alan's Scott costume was kind of outdated, so he came up with a new one:

IT'S HORRIBLE!!! HE'S WEARING A FREAKING LANTERN COSTUME!!! LITERALLY!!! THE HANDLE STICKS OUT FROM BEHIND HIS HEAD!!! Good lord. And now an emotional moment from Amazing Spider-Man:

My eyes welled-up. Oh, yeah... while I play catch-up, you can still vote on the Autopsy Awards.

That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

2011-06-05T12:56:00.004-03:00

Time For A Change.

Obviously, I've fallen behind. That's not to say I've forgotten about this column, not at all. But working on my own comics has kept me from this, as well stuff at my day job has gotten in the way.

I briefly considered ending the column, I won't lie. But it was a thought that was banished as soon as it crossed my mind. However, as I did when I started referencing some minor dissections in the last part of one entry for the same book; or when I started The Rundown to directly stop doing full entries for some books, a change is in order.

I need this change in order to make this column faster to produce (not write, but produce). And what change is this? Well, I won't be cataloguing wrong eye colors, smaller accented letters, slight costuming mistakes, etc. I even won't be paying attention (and it'll be hard, trust me) to any non-English mistakes but the most glaring ones.

From now on, I will only take note of horrible writing mistakes (such as 10th Century norsemen referring to proteins) or art fuck ups (like the Cristo of Corcovado in São Paulo). Really annoying eye change colors, like one character having four different eye colors in one issue might creep in too. Oh, and my own mistakes as well. My HDSC loyal members, only report big stuff now, I'm counting on you.

And I'll keep the quote, DT, moments, cover, and picks sections too. So the column will pretty much be the same, but with only the "good stuff" in it. Thank you for your attention.

The Dissector

2011-04-05T09:59:00.009-03:00

The Dissector #196.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

02/09 "Lightning guns! I shoot those all the time. Sometimes they don't even explode." Atomic Robo, Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art of Science #3.

02/16 "The real John Constantine is a stranger to me. He's a shadow at the end of the street, a pale face at the window. The real John Constantine scares the fucking shit out of me because I've seen what he's capable of." John Constantine, Hellblazer #276.

02/23 "Genius is often little more than the ability to see connections no one else can." Nikola Tesla, Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art of Science #4.

Yeah, I'm late, and still behind. Move along. Still time to vote on the Autopsy Awards, and you can become a fan of the column in the Facebook page. Last column's DT! was cracked by JohnnyDoe, who correctly pointed out that the TARDIS' exterior was too large. One more badge and you make Captain!

The Dissector's Picks Of Week 02/09 are the following: Best Book Of The Week was Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art of Science #3; whenever there's an Atomic Robo book out, it's hard not to choose it as the best book. It's fun, it's witty, it's well written... and it's pulp! Worst Book Of The Week was Superman #708. The art by Eddy Barrows (inks by Mater and Ferreira), and colors by Rod Reis weren’t as bad as previous installment... but the story, man, the story... Chris Roberson does his best to script the JMS train wreck that wastes one issue of the already boring "Superman walks around the USA" arc ramming new/old/different Wonder Woman down our throats. Gawd... Cover Of The Week, by Bill Sienkiewicz, was the only redeeming feature of DC Universe: Legacies #9.

Week 02/16's Best Book was Hellblazer #276. It's no surprise that Peter Milligan understands Hellblazer, and while it's no old school mid-to-late 90s Constantine, it's still good old British blue-collar magic entertainment. Simon Bisley's art, with Brian Buccellato's colors, gives us that make me think of New Wave and Punk album covers and posters. Worst Book was Superman/Batman #81. Remember when this book was good? Cover Of The Week is by Gerald Parel and Dustin Weaver, from S.H.I.E.L.D. #6. The book might be a weird science, revisionist history, look-there-is-Tesla-and-Newton-and-Leonardo-and-Galileo orgy, and it's just a tad short of being unreadable, plot-wise... but it's quite nice, visually.

On week 02/23, I couldn't pick Atomic Robo as best book, because Detective Comics #874 was very good. Scott Snyder wrote an actual detective story (starring Commissioner Gordon), and Francesco Francavilla's full art is just perfect for the tale. Namor: The First Mutant #7 was the Worst Book this week... wake me up when the wandering-through-a-hell-dimension snorefest ends, yes? I want to see underwater battles. Cover Of The Week is from Detective Comics #874, also by Francesco Francavilla. And The Rundown is too long, so it was posted previously. Click on that link to see it; if I included it here it would take up too much space.
<-------------------------------->
"RED SCARE."

TITLE: Black Terror (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 11-13.

CULPRIT: Adriano Lucas and Vinicius Andrade (colorists).

DISSECTION: Sidney tells us that a character in Black Terror was miscolored for several issues; in "(...) Black Terror #14, it was shown that the lower part of her face, below the line, was colored red, which means that she had been miscolored before."

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars, and a badge for Sidney; who's one badge away from making Commander.
<-------------------------------->
"NITBUSTER."

TITLE: Blockbusters Of The Marvel Universe (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen and Mike O'Sullivan (head writers/coordinators), unspecified writers, one colorist.

DISSECTION: Too many errors to list (ten in total), not as bad as usual, but still... a Marvel handbook. I wasn't even going to give this an entry, it was going to be part of the Rundown; but Sidney sent in two of them, so he gets two badges. Congratulations, Sidney, you've been promoted to Commander!

DISSECT-O-METER: Blanket rating of 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"COLOR ME WRONG."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 195.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: JohnnyDoe was busy, and gets another badge for pointing out that I had credited John Ridgway as a colorist, and he's a penciller. Congratulations, Captain JohnnyDoe.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. it's made worse because it was a DT!, not a regular dissection.
<-------------------------------->
"FLASH NAME DANCE."

TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Adam Schlagman & Eddie Berganza (editors).

DISSECTION: Sidney gets another badge by telling us the following "The second mistake comes from Flash #9. Richard Zajac did the inking for the issue, but the book switched editors in the middle of production, and the new editor, Adam Schlagman, forgot to credit him. I know this because Richard works at the local comic store."

Sidney, tell Richard I say hi.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IS THAT A LANTERN IN YOUR POCKET, OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?"

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 62.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Let's not talk about how the badges and rings are the wrong shape, or even change shapes within the same issue. So... remember how I've complained about the "ring... charge... low..." plot device being used too often? How they make a point of showing how when they're in a fight, Green Lanterns don't have their power battery handy to recharge... even though recharging takes a second (they don't actually have to say the oath)?

Traditionally, Green Lanterns have carried their power battery stored inside their ring; since there was always a pocket dimension inside it. Since the Corps came back in force, lead by Geoff Johns creative-wise, they complain about not being able to recharge every now and then. And guess what? In this issue, they talk about the pocket dimension all lantern corps use, and Krona says he discovered it.

You can't keep using the not-able-to-recharge plot device, Geoff and team.

DISSECT-O-METER: N/A, since this is the correct usage. There are, however, numerous art dissections.
<-------------------------------->
"IDES OF DICTIONARY."

TITLE: Ides Of Blood (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: Stuart C. Paul (writer).

DISSECTION: "Proscribing" is forbidding, not mandating.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WE'VE GOT OUR TOP ANALYSTS WORKING ON THIS!"

TITLE: Iron Man 2.0 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Nick Spencer (writer).

DISSECTION: Iron Man 2.0? Oh, yes, because it's not enough to be "the black Iron Man", now War Machine doesn't even have a book to his name? Now, on to the dissections... the plot goes like this: a scientist/engineer in a top level US military think-tank dies, and suddenly, his inventions show up in the hands of terrorists. But he could have never gotten his designs out of the think-tank because it's got very tight security, and no communications to the outside are allowed.

His scant personal belongings are in a box, and a team of analysts is going through them... but they find no clue. Prominent in a panel is his organ donor card... and nobody thought of checking where his organs went... and how in places where they ended up in transplant recipients, large quantities of materials needed to build his projects are being purchased. Come on, Spencer, in the Marvel Universe, one of several important things you'd look for would be some sort of DNA/organic computer storage in his organs! COME ON!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SCHEDULED SCANS."

TITLE: Iron Man 2.0 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Nick Spencer (writer).

DISSECTION: Oh, it doesn't end there. War Machine is going through the case with the analysts, and asks if the guy could have been a mutant. Of course he couldn't, the analysts answer, because the Feds seize Cerebro four times a year and do a sweep". Yes, right. The X-Men will allow the government to walk in and do a mutant search four times a year. As if. Haven't you read the countless stories where this exact kind of thing is opposed by the X-Men? Strongly opposed?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. And to boot, pulling a badly-written-Batman, War Machine asks if there was a chance of the guy becoming a ghost, and says he's asking something stupid. Really, when you've fought side by side with Thor, are in a team with Valkyrie, and have faced the supernatural every other week? Please. On top of that, the "War Machine Saga" section at the end of the book refers to "Stark's recent decision" to stop manufacturing weapons. Yeah, recent as of his most earliest appearances as a comic book character...
<-------------------------------->
"FADED LEGACY."

TITLE: Iron Man Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Damien Lucchese (production), and/or Ralph Macchio (editor) & Charlie Beckerman (assistant editor), and web content employees.

DISSECTION: Marvel Comics includes no creator credits in this issue, except for last name of writer, artist, inker and colorist on the cover... and to make it worse, on the Marvel website credits Tim Bradstreet as writer, penciller, inker, colorist and letterer (Make sure you click on Stories/Iron Man Legacy on the middle of the webpage to see the Bradstreet credits). Tim, you're pulling full duty, and people like Fred Van Lente take the credit! :) (J/K, BTW)

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Tony Stark's eyes are colored brown, and there's an accented letter that's smaller than it should.
<-------------------------------->
"99 DISSECTIONS AND THIS IS ONE."

TITLE: Justice League Of America/The 99 (DC/Teshkeel).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Fabian Nicieza & Stuart Moore (writers) and/or Tom Derenick (penciller).

DISSECTION: Check this scene out, tell me what you can find... keep in mind that it's something that might be blamed on both writers and penciller, or either... so it's not a badly drawn character, or a spelling error, to name a couple of options that are out.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Wonder Woman's costume is drawn with some weird shoulder pads, on another note.
<-------------------------------->
"OH, BROTHER!"

TITLE: Official Handbook Of The Marvel Universe A To Z Update (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen and/or Mike O'Sullivan (head writers/coordinators).

DISSECTION: I know this happens in other types of fiction, and in similar ways, but I'm "worried" about it superhero comics, and in a specific kind of situation. I'm not talking about how the characters themselves will perceive these relations, but more from a detached point of view. What am I talking about? Genetically-engineered "siblings".

I'm not talking about clones (an exact copy of a person), but of similar creations. In particular, this question arose from the Marvel character Lyra, who was created by splicing DNA from Thundra and Hulk. While the final result might be similar to what is achieved through in-vitro fertilization; she's not precisely created by fertilizing one of Thundra's eggs with one of Hulk's sperm.

However, Marvel's character profile handbooks, in the usual "known relatives" or "relatives" section lists Hulk as her "father", and Hulk's children Skaar and Hiro-Kala (which he conceived naturally with Caiera) as her "half-brothers", and so on.

Now, I understand the biological reasoning behind considering those relations the same as the ones in a "traditional" family, or even considering people conceived by artificial insemination (if my father donated sperm and I found out I have a sibling from a woman he never even met)... but shouldn't an character profile (which is supposed to be informative) list those relatives with terms such as "genetic father" or "genetic half-brother"? They do list other characters in her extended family with terms such as "step-mother", and in other profiles they use specific designations for adoptive siblings and parents... why not for these relations?

So, while I can't consider branding these characters as "sister" or brother", I can consider an error to make distinctions when it comes to step relations or adoptive relations, but not for this kind of relations.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SMOKING."

TITLE: Official Handbook Of The Marvel Universe A To Z Update (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen and/or Mike O'Sullivan (head writers/coordinators).

DISSECTION: Mesmero's said to occasionally smoke tobacco, which is something that apparently, needs to be listed in the "abilities/accessories" section of his profile... ???

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MANY CRISES..."

TITLE: Power Girl V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 21.

CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).

DISSECTION: The search for missing Kryptonite from before Infinite Crisis called by Ted Kord is shown as "years ago, many crises yet to be faced"... given the kind of timeline in DC comics, even taking into account the "52" year; it can't be that many years ago, it could be as much as three, four stretching it. Yes, they don't use the word "many", but that kind of sentence is meant to be used for something that was a long time ago; and the "many crises" is also a hyperbole.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, the new Rocket Red's hair should be blond, but it's colored brown, and Bruce Wayne's Batman belt is wrong.
<-------------------------------->
One hundred and three dissections, with an average of 7.7 Bazzars. Wow. Our last high rating was a 7.6 a couple of years ago, and our highest one was 8.1 in column #20. Let's get the Moments Of The Week(s) done with and end this column. From 02/09, Atomic Robo gets his first kiss (back in 1930):

Hmm... metallic tasting! Of course, after learning that his little robot is having a romantic dalliance, Tesla wants to have "the talk" with him:

I laughed out loud. Now, one Moment from 02/16... what will rise in Darwking Duck?

DUCKTHULU!!! And now a few from 02/23, first, Hogun the grim hails a train:

... stops it, more like it. Then, more Robo romantic moments:

That's what happens when you date a robot. Next, what's a good outfit to wear to a funeral? Let's ask Storm, shall we?

Wow, in perfect taste! And from Star Wars: Legacy: Wars...

IT'S TRAP!!! OR MORE THAN ONE!!! And last, what does Dazzler do best?

DISCO, BABY, DISCO! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

2011-03-26T12:52:00.003-03:00

If my blog is late, it's because of Rob Granito. No, seriously, I've been reading about this moron all night...

http://www.bleedingcool.com/2011/03/24/who-on-earth-is-rob-granito/

http://www.bleedingcool.com/2011/03/25/more-amazing-fun-with-rob-granito/

http://www.bleedingcool.com/2011/03/25/when-ethan-van-sciver-met-rob-granito/

http://www.bleedingcool.com/2011/03/25/yes-orlando-rob-granito-is-at-megacon-pics/

http://www.facebook.com/RobertGranitoIsAFRAUD/

Just a warning... he's stealing art from actual pros, passing it as his own, and ripping off people who buy his "paintings" and prints for hundreds of bucks. Scammer.

Take care,
MaGnUs (The Dissector is off looking for Robert Granito)

2011-03-23T17:50:00.003-03:00

While I prepare the column with the last three weeks of February (yes, I'm AWFULLY late, I know), here's The Rundown for those weeks: Abyss: Family Issues (accented letter), Adventure Comics V1 (Night Girl's hair should be black, not brown), The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (ñ, a loose quotation mark), Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis (Beast looks wrong, Storm's eyes are not white when she's not using her powers, Jaspers is no "boy" or "adolescent"), Astonishing X-Men V2 ("past" ancestors... how do you get "future ancestors"? Well, this IS Marvel...), The Avengers V4 (inconsistent credit and upcoming features lettering), B.P.R.D. Hell On Earth: Gods (internal issue numbering), Batman (Enigma's eyes and Riddler's hair are colored incorrectly), Birds Of Prey V3 (Dove's agility is not mentioned in her powers), Booster Gold V2 (Rip Hunter's eyes and hair are wrong), Brightest Day (Aqualad shouldn't have calf fins), Captain America V2 (Black Widow's eyes should be green), DC Universe: Legacies (the effin' timeline; Spark gets called "Spark" and then "Sparks", Hal's badge is wrong, and his boots are white on another page), Doom Patrol V5 (Rita's eyes are colored incorrectly, two different word balloons point to wrong characters, Scandal's eye are also miscolored), Fantastic Four V1 (Danielle Cage should not look like she's three months old), Generation Hope (Shadowcat's eyes shouldn't be blue, Gabriel's eyes are brown first, then blue), Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (badges), Green Lantern Corps V2 (Ganthet has blank eyes at one point... for no reason), Heroes For Hire V3 (Baby Cage again, "personalitied" is not a real word), Iron Siege (if you use translation brackets, don't leave untranslated words inside... and a Sergeant would never be the "CO" of a military unit... in charge, yes, but never "CO", and the unit is too small to be just the "101st Airborne"), Justice League: Generation Lost (Guy Gardner's eyes are wrong), Justice League Of America V2 ("Los Grandes Nombres" is not the right translation for "The Big Names"), Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (Dawnstar's skin, eyes and powers), Namor: The First Mutant (Doom's eyes are colored wrong, so are Namor's, some Atlanteans have red eyes for no reason, and the logomancer is still Caucasian, with no explanation), The New Avengers V2 (Wanda's eyes should be blue, inconsistent credit lettering), Onslaught Unleashed (Beast looks wrong, accented letter), Outsiders V3 (Grace and Geo-Force have the wrong eye colors), Power Man And Iron Fist (numerous language errors, both in writing and lettering, an incorrect description of Power Man's power), Red Robin (accented letters), Spider-Girl V2 (Anya's skin should not be dark), Star Wars: Legacy - War (an incorrectly italicized word, an incorrectly spelled word in Huttese), T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents (two accents that are almost horizontal lines), Teen Titans V3 (a misplaced question mark), Ultimate Spider-Man (Cairo looks nothing like it does here, Tony Stark's eyes are colored incorrectly), Uncanny X-Force (Wolverine's eyes should be blue), Uncanny X-Men (accented letter), The Unwritten (accented letters), Warlord Of Mars (it's either "Uncle Jack" or "Captain John", not "Captain Jack", and "the" is spelled "they" in a text), Widowmaker (wrong eye color for the former Red Guardian, and the first issue of Blind Spot is announced for the wrong date), X-Factor V3 (Layla and Madrox's eyes are colored incorrectly, and Layla calls Madrox her "fiancée" at one point, accented letter), X-Men: To Serve And Protect (accented letter), X-Men Legacy (accented letters).

2011-02-15T13:55:00.003-02:00

The Dissector #195.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"AAAH! I'M BEING FELT UP BY A PERVERT FROM BEYOND SPACE AND TIME!!" Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man #653.

Here we are with a very short column for the week of 02/02, and only a few days late! Last week's DT! was cracked by JohnnyDoe who noticed that if Steel is talking about the four Super-shield wielding characters from "Reign Of The Supermen", one can't say that the Cyborg Superman (Hank Henshaw) signed up for "fighting the good fight". Quite the opposite, really. Badge for you, JD.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are these: Best Book Of The Week was Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 Annual #1... classic Legion fun with Paul Levitz writing, and Keith Giffen dipping in the Kirby-inkwell. A must for any Legion fans. Worst Book Of The Week was, as it was once last month, Batman Confidential, this time issue #53. Boring, slow, yawn. Cover Of The Week, there wasn't anything that stood out much, but this cover for Freedom Fighters #6, by Dave Johnson, was pretty nice, and slightly Sterankoesque.

By the way, the three things I had to say last week still stand, so I'll just quote myself:

First, that I built a Facebook fan page for the column... Here it is. Please go click "like"; and promote it. Second, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU HAVEN'T VOTED IN THE 2010 AUTOPSY AWARDS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Seriously, go check out the nominations and vote. If you already voted, please disregard this outburst. Also, while you're at it, there's a design-your-own-superhero contest at Talenthouse, sponsored by The Stan Lee Foundation... would you mind going to this page and click on the right to vote with your Facebook account? Thanks!

The Rundown: Batman Confidential (Hal's badge), JSA All-Stars ("acult" instead of "a cult"), Secret Six V3 (Rita Farr's eyes, and "American's sweetheart"), Time Masters: Vanishing Point (Hal's badge, Rip Hunter's eyes and hair). Yeah, short like that.
<-------------------------------->
"THE CAGE."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 653.

CULPRIT: Stefano Caselli (penciller).

DISSECTION: For some reason, both on the cover and inside, Luke Cage has blank eyes. Why? Isn't it enough to look at one reference image of the character and see he has normal looking eyes? That besides bullets bouncing off his skin and him lifting trucks there are no visible manifestation of his powers? I understand giving Magneto or the Molecule Man blank eyes when they're using their powers at a high level (even if it's not standard design for them, as it is with Storm), but Luke Cage? You're working on pre-existing characters, shared creations, being a good artist is not enough, you have to respect character designs.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Jessica Jones' eyes are colored wrong, and Squirrel Girl is missing the markings around her eyes.
<-------------------------------->
"DOCTOR'S ORDERS."

TITLE: Doctor Who Classics: The Seventh Doctor (IDW).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: John Ridgway (penciller).

DISSECTION: This one is for Whovians, but anyone who's seen a bit of the show should be able to notice it.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PEAK PERFORMANCE."

TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (DC).

ISSUE: Annual 01.

CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Cosmic Boy wonders if any of the Legion's fast responders are able to get to Orando (a planet reportedly far away from Earth and from regular space routes) for an emergency, and mentions Wildfire and Dawnstar... now, they can travel through space, but they've never exhibited super-speed. In fact, not even characters with super-speed and flight, like Mon-El and Ultra Boy should have enough speed to get there in time. Ultra Boy, now that I mention him, probably wouldn't be able to fly as fast as Mon-El even, since he has to use one power at a time; and I doubt his super-speed would be able to affect the speed his flight ring propels him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. As usual, Dawnstar's powers are incomplete, and we also have Sensor Girl's eyes colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"HARD TIME."

TITLE: Superman 80-Page Giant V3 (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Neil Kleid (writer).

DISSECTION: Let's assume Perry White is what, 70-73 years old? That's as far as I'm willing to go with him... then during the 40s, when the JSA, particularly Wildcat, who he shares this story with, and the Guardian (Jim Harper, though not a JSA member) were active, he was... not even born? Three years old in 1940? If we stretch his age to 80, he was ten in 1941? Sorry, but the timelines for him to have been a cub reporter back then don't make sense, particularly when he's recently been shown befriending Lex Luthor when they were both young men (in their 20s, perhaps Perry in his 30s and Lex in his 20s); and Lex is shown to be not that much older than Clark Kent.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Both Perry and Wildcat's eyes are colored wrong, and Wildcat and the Guardian shouldn't have public identities back in the 40s.
<-------------------------------->
This week had nineteen total dissections, and a 6.2 Bazzars average. Normal. Moments Of The Week are all (except one) from the Legion Annual that was best book of the week. First up, Violet defeats the Emerald Eye:

... but not without some consequences:

Emerald Vi again? And in case you wanna learn the Legion's history quickly and in a fun way? The Legion History Boardgame!

Yeah, it's a large image, but I decided not to resize it so you could enjoy it. No mention of what happened between The Magic Wars and the recent return of the original LSH... And last, what shouldn't you feed to giant monsters?

MODOK BRAINS!!! That's gonna end up badly... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

2011-02-11T16:04:00.003-02:00

The Dissector #194.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

01/05-"It's true. Reading superhero comics leads to loneliness and virginity. (...) Reading off-kilter books like "The Goon" and "Billy The Kid's Old Timey Oddities" makes you seem manly and interesting and leads to loads of vagina. Loads." Franky, Billy The Kid's Old Timey Oddities And The Ghastly Fiend Of London #4 (The Goon backup story).

01/12-"I want a secret weapon with which I can shatter the false consciousness of the masses and overturn social order. And more realistic porn." Buddy, Vision Machine #1.

01/19-"(...) nowadays with all the clowns running around Gotham, you'd be nuts to go into an abandoned amusement park by yourself." Anthony Marchetti, Batman: Streets Of Gotham #19.

01/19-"Find a hole and climb into it. Or else find a really tall tower and plant a flag on the top. Either way, they're gonna find you. Just depends on how you want to go out." The Basilisk, Age Of X: Alpha.

Yes, I know. I'm horribly late. But I had vacations from work the second half of January, and I was already behind, and... well, here's a column for THE ENTIRE MONTH OF JANUARY!!! Before we go into the column itself, let me remind you of two things: First, that I built a Facebook fan page for the column... Here it is. Please go click "like"; and promote it. Second, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU HAVEN'T VOTED IN THE 2010 AUTOPSY AWARDS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Seriously, go check out the nominations and vote. If you already voted, please disregard this outburst. Also, while you're at it, there's a design-your-own-superhero contest at Talenthouse, sponsored by The Stan Lee Foundation... would you mind going to this page and click on the right to vote with your Facebook account? Thanks!

Last column's DT! was cracked by JohnnyDoe, who noticed that Atlanteans in DC (and Marvel, for that part) naturally breathe oxygen from the water they inhabit, not air; and Waid wrote they suffocate for lack of "oxygenated air". DC Atlanteans, by the way, can breathe outside water too; while Marvel Atlanteans can't (unless they're mutants like Namor and others). Badge for Commander JohnnyDoe!

Let's get The Dissector's Picks Of Each Week out of the way as fast as possible. Best Book Of The Week for 01/05 was Iron Man Legacy #10... Van Lente's writing is engaging, the art is good, and the use of The Pride is a good bonus to those of us who enjoyed the original Runaways run. Worst Book of that week was Batman Confidential #52... it's not bad per-se, but if you're going to write stories that are set in continuity but are current-continuity-light, Iron Man Legacy is the way to go; not Batman Confidential. Incidentally, Batman Confidential is the only survivor of the "Confidential" line at DC, remember we had Superman/JLA/JSA Confidential books? And I question Marvel's naming of book... Iron Man Legacy is a flashback book, but X-Men Legacy is just one of the regular X-Men books... and it's not even the original one (which is now Uncanny X-Men)... what gives? Cover Of The Week for 01/05, to your right, is the Module Edition cover for Dark Sun #1, by Wayne Reynolds. Good art that shows you what Dark Sun feels like, and you know I like the module variant idea.

Best Book Of The Week for 01/12 was Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #514. Great pulp feel from David Liss' writing and Francesco Francavilla's art. Worst Book Of The Week was Red Robin #19, an awful and tired "computer mindscape adventure" story. While Marcus To's art with Guy Major's colors make for clean, cartoony but not ridiculous visuals; but Fabian Nicieza's a much better writer than this, that much I know. Best Cover, to your left, is one of DC's iconic covers of lately, by Aaron Lopresti, for Justice League: Generation Lost #17. Simple and pretty.

Week 01/19 brought us Best Book Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #9. Just good Legion adventures with Paul Levitz writing; and while I prefer all the art was Yildiray Cinar's, his team up with Wayne Faucher is not bad. Worst Book was Brightest Day #18... was it badly written or drawn? No, but this book hardly does anything to me, it's not engaging, I can't find it in myself to care for it... and there was nothing that struck me as actually bad this week. To your right, Cover Of The Week is from LSH #9 too; and another iconic cover by the same art team as the interior art... it just tells you what the Legion is off the bat. I would have preferred to have Quislet on it, but I can't have everything, now can I?

Best Book Of The Week for 01/26 was The Sixth Gun #8, as this voodoo western by Cullen Bunn and Brian Hurtt continues to be a great read. Worst Book Of The Week was Chaos War: X-Men #2, as pointless as tie-in minis are these days, this one is one of the most pointless... And the last Cover Of The Week for this month, to your left, is one the variant covers for X-Men V3 #7, celebrating the Fantastic Four's 50th anniversary. Paolo Rivera (credited inside the book as "Paulo", even though HE WROTE HIS FRICKIN NAME ON THE PIECE HE SUBMITTED AS A COVER) really captured FF #1's look in his painted style.

The Rundown: Action Comics (Joker's face is not like it should be), Adventure Comics V1 (Dawnstar's powers are incomplete), American Vampire ("gothca" instead of "gotcha"), The Avengers V4 (inconsistent credit lettering), Avengers: The Children's Crusade (inconsistent credit and next issue lettering), Avengers Prime (inconsistent lettering), B.P.R.D.-Hell On Earth: Gods (inconsistent series numbering), Batman Confidential (Hal Jordan's badge is right, then wrong), Batman (Enigma's eyes are colored wrong, Riddler's hair is colored wrong, accented letters), Birds Of Prey V3 (Dove's powers are incomplete, a speech balloon points to the wrong character), Booster Gold V2 (accented letters, Rip Hunter's eyes and hair are colored wrong), Brightest Day ("darkenss"), Captain America V2 (Black Widow's eyes are colored incorrectly), Chaos War: Dead Avengers (Beast looks nothing like he should, and his eyes are blank in an old painting), Chaos War: X-Men (the story mentions Banshee dying before Moira, but it was the other way around), Chip 'N Dale Rescue Rangers ("San Paolo" instead of "Sao Paulo"), Doom Patrol V5 (Rita Farr's eyes are colored incorrectly, as are Scandal Savage's), Fantastic Four V1 (Leech's speech patterns are wrong), Freedom Fighters (a sword is referred to as a "staff"), Fringe: Tales From The Fringe (accented letters and eñes), Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (Guy's badge and ring are wrong), I Am An Avenger (inconsistent credit lettering), Klaws Of The Panther (Black Widow's eyes are colored incorrectly), The New Avengers V2 (baby Cage is too young looking, ñ, inconsistent credit lettering), Red Robin (Riddler's hair is colored incorrectly, several accented letters), Supergirl V5 (the Kryptonite's Man eyebeams should be green, not heat vision red), T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents ("negligience"), Uncanny X-Force (Deadpool's skin looks too smooth and healthy), Vision Machine ("Sao Paolo", "managment"), X-Factor V3 (Madrox's eyes are colored incorrectly), X-Men V3 (cover artist Paolo Rivera is credited as "Paulo", and WTF are Dum Dum Dugan and other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents doing in the X-Men's command center?), X-Men (Taco Bell Promo) (accented letters, and Nightcrawler's boots are colored incorrectly in a panel), X-Men Forever 2 (Mystique changes shape and the effect looks like a hologram fading; not her usual morphing; weird dialogue, "runic" is not a language you speak but a way of writing several different languages, Storm's eyes shouldn't be all white unless she's using her powers), X-Men Legacy (accented letters), X-Men: To Serve And Protect (Reed Richard's eyes are colored incorrectly).
<-------------------------------->
"WRONG SOUTHERNER, SUGAH!"

TITLE: Age Of X: Alpha (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).

DISSECTION: Cannonball says his family is from Caldecott County (which, while unsaid, is a fictitious Mississippi county), when they're actually from Cumberland County (a real Kentucky county). Yes, I suppose that this being an alternate reality, it could be different... except Caldecott County is where Rogue is from.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Wolverine's eyes are brown in another story.
<-------------------------------->
"THAT DOOR IS MADE OF KRYPTONITE! WAIT, WRONG HERO..."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 652.

CULPRIT: Dan Slott (writer).

DISSECTION: Peter slowly walks into a closed door... and it gives him a bloody, bruised nose. Really? Spider-Man's that much of a wimp?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, there's an accented letter that's not smaller... but a lower-case letter in the midst of a whole page of upper-case dialogue...
<-------------------------------->
"BATMAN'S OLDER THANK HE LOOKS."

TITLE: Batman: Streets Of Gotham (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).

DISSECTION: No, and a thousand times no. Bruce Wayne's parents couldn't have been in their 20s when heroes like Alan Scott and Jay Garrick were part of the All-Star Squadron or JSA and invited Zatara to join them... that's like the 1940s!

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"G.I. JOE: STEALTH MASTERS!"

TITLE: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (IDW).

ISSUE: 162.

CULPRIT: Larry Hama (writer) and SL Gallant (penciller).

DISSECTION: Cobra is on the run! G.I. Joe sends two agents to spy on them, and when they see the Baroness going her own way in an unmarked sedan, they decide to tail her through Jersey Shore roads... in full military gear, in a green military jeep with a double-barrel laser turret mounted in the back...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Come on! Also, they mention the Baroness walking around in full black leather outfit when it's clearly Cobra-blue; not even "comic-book-black-with-blue-shades", but straight up blue.
<-------------------------------->
"HEROIC AGE: HERE WE GO AGAIN, THIS TIME ON THE KEY OF X."

TITLE: Heroic Age: X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator), various writers not specifically credited.

DISSECTION: It's the X-Men's turn at this; a few small mistakes; but nowhere near the level of previous Heroic Age handbooks:

Steve Rogers didn't award Cyclops the Presidential Medal Of Freedom; while he asked the President of the USA to do it, it's awarded by... yes, you guessed it... the President of the USA.
Karma's back history can't have communist Vietnam in it anymore, it's 2011.
Magma's ancestry is described as "the daughter of one of the ancestors of an original citizen of Nova Roma"... what?
Renascence, the former Wind Dancer (Sofia Mantega) was born in Venezuela, not Argentina.
Alternate reality Steve Rogers dubbed "Captain Mexica" was not an agent of the Mexican government, since Mexico does not actually exist as a nation in his reality. He's an Aztec Empire agent.

DISSECT-O-METER: Various.
<-------------------------------->
"POWER SUIT, POWER BEARD!"

TITLE: The Invincible Iron Man V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 33.

CULPRIT: Jamie McKelvie (penciller).

DISSECTION: Tony Stark shaves in the morning, then goes to bed and falls asleep clean shaven (except for his perfectly trimmed 'stache and beard, of course)... and wakes up to look in the mirror at his five o' clock shadow stubble? How macho is the man to grow that much beard overnight?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, colorist Matt Wilson decided Tony has green eyes, instead of blue ones.
<-------------------------------->
"JUST WING IT. WHAT, HE'S DEAD? WHO CARES!"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 53.

CULPRIT: Mark Bagley (penciller) and James Robinson (writer) in some.

DISSECTION: Is this the same Bagley that used to do Ultimate Spider-Man? Because he seems to be phoning it in here... both in terms of quality and accuracy. He draws the Doom Patrol looking like they did back in the 1960s, Geo-Force flying in the background when he wouldn't be there due to events in Outsiders... and the JSA shows up with Damage, who's dead?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each, as well as Hal Jordan's badge being wrong, and an accented letter.
<-------------------------------->
"RED EYE SUBMARINE RIDE."

TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel)

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Ariel Olivetti (artist).

DISSECTION: Atlantean street signs in English, a Caucasian-skinned logomancer, Namor's eyes incorrectly colored, Doctor Doom's too, as well as Dr. Nemesis's hair... but what puzzles me the most is the fact that random Atlanteans have red glowing eyes. Why?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTION OF STEEL."

TITLE: Steel V2 (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Steve Lyons (writer).

DISSECTION: Come on, dissect his one as Steel prepares to face Doomsday:

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN-JOKE."

TITLE: The Thanos Imperative: Devastation (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Dan Abnett & Andy Lanning (writers).

DISSECTION: The "Knowhere/Nowhere" joke should not work in Shi'ar language.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
So the first month of the year had ninety-four dissections, with an average of 6.7 Bazzars... on the high end of the usual spectrum. Moments Of The Week... Month! Quite a few, obviously, let's start with Dale shows he's just not the Rescue Rangers' clown:

Or rather, he's a clown with a purpose. Next, look's who's part of the Superman Family in the future:

Barry Obama! And you know what I didn't see coming, speaking of time travel?

That! Next, from the D&D comic, something I or one of my players would do:

I laughed out loud, honestly. What looks like a fairy tale story end, but is not bound to be "forever and ever"?

Yeah, that. Next, who Hercules gets real:

Or mortal. That should be interesting. Now, remember what I said about Cobra being very subtle? And the Jersey Shore?

... I wasn't lying. FIST PUMP! And from KODT, two beasts meet..

... and don't clash! And last, to kick-off Age Of X, Magneto does one of those nice stunts he tends to pull:

Something like lifting most of Manhattan in the air and transporting it away for use as a mutant fortress. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

2011-02-04T14:12:00.002-02:00

So, I built a Facebook fan page for the column... Here it is. Please go click "like"; and promote it. On this topic, you'll notice a Facebook page widget at the top of the right sidebar here on the blog... I know the font colors are all wrong, I'm working on that.

THE DISSECTOR!

2011-02-01T14:18:00.001-02:00

What the #$!#$@#$% is going on? Why haven't you voted in the 2010 Autopsy Awards? I was on vacation; the column should be back shortly, but vote, come on!!!

2011-01-14T13:59:00.006-02:00

The Dissector Special #09: Autopsy Awards 2010 Nominations.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

Allow me to present the 2010 Autopsy Awards nominees! As usual, the voting will be via e-mail, send your votes to lordmagnusen at gmail.com, in the following form (each nomination has a code): "W01, A03, C02..."

Some of the awards are not subject to vote, as they are given solely on a numeric basis (most Dissected company, etc), or specially awarded for extraordinary "merit" (I also accept suggestions for special awards). Of course, the text for each dissection is the original one from when they were published, but I've added some (mostly) new comments for all.

The last four categories are actually about positive things that a comic book company or creator would be proud to win... unlike the other categories. I'm talking about the "Best Quote", "Best Moment", and "Best Cover" awards, and the new comer "Best Fight Scene" award. Now, the nominees:

Let's get started with the Best Writing Dissection nominees:
<-------------------------------->
W01-"THIS SMELLS LIKE BULLSHIT..." (The Dissector #147, 01/29/10)

COMMENT: With all the tools at Fraction's disposition, I was surprised he'd do something this dumb.

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 520.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: We get it, Wolverine has amazingly keen senses... but I will not accept that he can track a prey by smell from the top of a building in NEW YORK CITY, A 468.9 SQUARE MILES, 1,214.4 SQUARE KILOMETERS, 8,363,710 CITY INHABITANTS, AND 19,006,798 METRO AREA POPULATION CITY!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Not only does he track his prey (a Predator X) to a SEWER, but he knows that Fantomex (who carries no scent) is there because he smelled, and I quote, "a you-shaped hole in the smell of this dump". Fraction, Logan has a very acute sense of smell, not an echolocation device in his nostrils.
<-------------------------------->
W02-"A MAN AHEAD OF HIS TIME" (The Dissector #148, 02/05/10)

COMMENT: Sometimes modern language breaks the suspension of disbelief in period comics... in this case, it was worse than that, it was a gross science/history error too.

TITLE: Northlanders (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Brian Wood (writer).

DISSECTION: This is a book set in Nordic lands in what, the 10th century? The 11th? The exact date really doesn't matter; but Thorir, one of the characters, urges a girl to eat meat because "growing children need protein". Protein? Really?

Wikipedia says: Proteins were first described by the Dutch chemist Gerhardus Johannes Mulder and named by the Swedish chemist Jönsla Jakob Berzelius in 1838. The central role of proteins in living organisms was however not fully appreciated until 1926, when James B. Sumner showed that the enzyme urease was a protein.

So, how is a Norseman in the know this 600 years before proteins were even described? Wood could have had Thorir just say "growing children need meat".

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
W03-"I CAN'T COUNT TOO GOOD." (The Dissector #157, 04/09/10)

COMMENT: When writing Star Trek, you have to remember that characters are highly-educated professionals from the 24th (or around, depending on the series) century, who are used to dealing with alien cultures on a daily basis. Or this happens:

TITLE: Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts (IDW).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Zander Cannon (writer).

DISSECTION: Now, Zander Cannon (whose name still sounds AWESOME) wrote a nice miniseries; which could have been shorter, granted, but still was TNGish enough to be an episode of the show; and Javier Aranda's art in this issue, while ugly, is technically correct enough to make me think he probably grew hands or got cybernetic replacements. Makes me think of a Star Trek roleplayer who had a character with "positronic hands"... ignoring the fact that what was positronic about Data was HIS BRAIN, and it was a feature related to artificial intelligence, NOT HANDS!!!

... but I ramble. In this last issue, Geordi is getting some numerical data from one of the aliens-of-the-week-from-the-planet-of-the-week (Allios IV), to solve a technical conundrum posed by a specific piece of technology developed in that planet. He can't make heads or tails of the numbers he's being fed, and struggles to understand them, and after a great deal of effort... realizes the aliens, who have six fingers on each hand, use a base-12 number system. Yes, Geordi, a professional engineer, who is one of the best Starfleet and the entire Star Trek universe has to offer, only realizes that about a civilization whose technology he's been studying for what seems to be days? Even if it's just hours, THE FIRST THING YOU HAVE TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT WHEN STUDYING SOMETHING LIKE THAT, SO HEAVILY DEPENDING ON NUMBERS, IS WHAT SYSTEM THEY USE!!!

Me, I'm ashamed I never realized the aliens had six fingers on each hand, and it was never mentioned before. But it'd be in the first page of whatever Wikipedia entry Geordi consulted about this planet.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
W04-"THE FAMOUS VULCAN ELBOW PINCH." (The Dissector #170, 07/10/10)

COMMENT: Knowing Star Trek is important to writing Star Trek. Which is odd in this case, since the Tipton brothers seem to be fans.

TITLE: Star Trek: Burden Of Knowledge (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Scott & David Tipton (writers).

DISSECTION: Spock attempts to render one of the muppet-bird aliens unconscious, but their physiology is not similar to the usual humanoid types. According to Spock "... this race lacks a discernible shoulder necessary for the nerve pinch..." SHOULDER??!?!!? It's the Vulcan NECK pinch!!! (Or nerve pinch, I know.)

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
W05-"FUCKING FIRES, HOW DO THEY WORK?." (The Dissector #183, 11/11/10)

COMMENT: It pains me to nominate one of my favorite books and writers, but same as the third dissection in this category, you need to remember people in the future (at least the future painted in these settings) will be highly educated, particularly in matters that are even obvious to people like me, who haven't finished high school.

TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Cosmic Boy goes to the Legion Academy, and while he's reviewing the students, a fire breaks out nearby and they are the closest ones to respond. They go to the scene, and one student that has variable powers (Variable Lad), in this case uses them to become super smart and learn what the best way of putting out the fire is: using the powers of another student who can control chemical reactions (Chemical Kid), because fire is an oxidation. Uhm... and they needed a super intelligent being to figure that out?

Regardless of him being a student and not a battle-hardened Legionnaire, a guy whose powers are to control chemical reactions should think of that first, particularly in the 30th century, with the kind of education they have, plus any further education someone with chemical controlling powers should get on the subject. Controlling the oxidation should be a gut response from Chemical Kid, the same as Bataranging or punching a bank robber is Batman's!

Not to mention the fact that there's two veteran Legionnaires there (Cosmic Boy and Duplicate Girl), and a handful of other students, most of whom should have a pretty advanced science education when compared to today's teenagers or young adults. Anyone today with a barely decent education should know that a fire is a chemical reaction.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
I'm not sure which I'm voting for yet. Let's go on with the nominees for Best Art Dissection:
<-------------------------------->
A01-"THE ROD OF BORIS." (The Dissector #156, 04/02/10)

COMMENT: This is one of my pet peeves; and I finally decided to attribute it to the artist.

TITLE: Northlanders (DC/Vertigo)

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Brian Wood (writer) and/or Leandro Fernandez (penciller).

DISSECTION: Good God... Boris, the apparently Slavic holy man among Norsemen, is also a healer... and his surgical instrument and medicine bag has a caduceus. The caduceus is NOT the symbol of medicine, despite its mistaken use, mainly in the USA, as that. It's a symbol originally for Iris, messenger of Hera, and afterwards of Hermes/Mercury; and through them, a symbol of messengers, gamblers, merchants, shepherds, liars and thieves.

The symbol of medicine is the rod of Asclepius; or the asklepian. Asclepius was the Greek god of healing and medicine, and his symbol is a staff with a snake entwined around it. The caduceus is also a staff, but quite differently shaped than the asklepian. The latter is a rustic wooden staff, while the former is usually a smooth and elegant-looking herald's staff. Furthermore, there are two snakes entwined around the caduceus, and the staff is winged, while the rod of Asclepius is not. Read more about the asklepian, and about the caduceus and the mix ups between the two.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
A02-"FACE IS NOT IN MURDOCK'S BOOK.." (The Dissector #161, 05/08/10)

COMMENT: Simplification is one thing; plain old laziness is another.

TITLE: A-Team: War Stories: Murdock (IDW).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Guiu Vilanova (penciller).

DISSECTION: Artists, and particularly IDW artists, are known to not draw faces on background characters. While it's a practice I don't consider correct, it's understandable. Some IDW artists, however, most specifically, the ones in most of their Star Trek books, have done it to characters that, while not important to the scene, are not in the background. This time, however, Vilanova has taken it too far:

Come on! This is outrageous! Those are the ONLY TWO CHARACTERS IN THE PANEL!!! ONE OF THEM IS THE STAR OF THE BOOK, AND THE OTHER ONE IS TALKING!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU LAZY MOTHERFUCKER!??!!?!?!?!?!?!? Not happy with that, he does it twice more, once again to Murdock, star of the book, WHILE HE'S TALKING AND IS ONE OF THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS IN THE PANEL, AND THEN AGAIN... but in that panel Murdock is not talking, at least.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
A03-"RIDDLE ME THIS, RIDDLE ME THAT... WHO'S WEARING THE MANTLE OF THE BAT?" (The Dissector #166, 06/12/10)

COMMENT: Geez, pay some attention to what you're working on.

TITLE: Joker's Asylum II: The Riddler (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Andres Guinaldo (penciller).

DISSECTION: If you're going to tell a flashback story, to when the Riddler wasn't a detective, don't dress Batman with Dick Grayson's current costume... since it's Bruce.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
A04-"WHO ARE THOSE GUYS? WHAT IS THIS, MOSAIC?" (The Dissector #183, 11/11/10)

COMMENT: It hurts when you see that some people (I'm talking about Kirkham here) don't care about what they're working on, when you'd love to be working on comics yourself.

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 53.

CULPRIT: Tyler Kirkham (penciller) and Nei Rufino (colorist)

DISSECTION: What? Bystanders on Korugar are colored like humans, some lighter, others darker, and it's not a trick of the light or anything, because in the same light as Kyle Rayner, many share his skin color. But that's not the worst thing... they're dressed, unequivocally, in Earth clothes: jackets, baseball caps, hoodies. People from Korugar have pink or red skin, and they certainly shouldn't be wearing normal Earth garments.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars, double. Also, Sinestro's ring is colored like his skin in a panel (that's where all the pink ink went!).
<-------------------------------->
Some of those aren't that bad; to be honest. Now the nominees for Best Coloring Dissection:
<-------------------------------->
C01-"COX SUCKER." (The Dissector #152, 03/05/10)

COMMENT: Jeromy Cox, one of this column's mainstays...

TITLE: X-Factor V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 202.

CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).

DISSECTION: Attention, rant coming...

Jeromy Cox: Monet St. Croix has brown eyes, not blue or green; Namor's should be grey, not whatever weird color you gave him; Layla Miller's eyes are green, not blue; Reed Richards has brown eyes, not blue ones; and Ben Grimm, usually called "Ever Lovin' Blue Eyed Thing"... yes, you guessed it, has BLUE EYES, NOT BROWN ONES!!!! ALSO, YOU MIGHT WANT TO AVOID COLORING LAYLA LIKE SHE'S MONET, SKIN, HAIR AND COSTUME!!!

Your job is to color these books, and I know it can be a hard, detailed job. But can you at least work with character references in front of you, FOR RAINBOW RAIDER'S SAKE?!?!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: I'm fucking giving 9 Bazzars to each of these, just because of Jeromy's complete inability to color ONE CHARACTER RIGHT.
<-------------------------------->
C02-"AVENGING CHANGING COLORS." (The Dissector #156, 04/02/10)

COMMENT: Is McCaig living with Jeromy?

TITLE: New Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 63.

CULPRIT: Dave McCaig (colorist).

DISSECTION: I'm reading the book, right? And I notice that Jessica Jones' eyes are the wrong color. They're green, when they should be blue. The next page, they're blue. And the next, back to green... and then brown. WTF?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, for the sheer sloppiness. Clint Barton's eyes are green first, then his correct blue color, then green again; Lady Octopus' eyes are green instead of brown, and Danielle Cage is drawn as a 4-6 months baby instead of a year old infant or so. Then I go to see who the colorist was... and the credit read "colorisst"...
<-------------------------------->
C03-"THE GRAY HOOD." (The Dissector #181, 10/14/10)

COMMENT: This was just baffling.

TITLE: Red Hood: The Lost Days (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Brian Reber (colorist).

DISSECTION: Jason Todd is trying to find a girl in a car that's, unwittingly, carrying a bomb. Over the phone, he asks her what kind of car she's in, and she says the car is red. But the colorist made the car gray or black...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
C04-"WHO ARE THOSE GUYS? WHAT IS THIS, MOSAIC?" (The Dissector #183, 11/11/10)

COMMENT: While Nei's great, this deserved to be nominated for the coloring mistakes too.

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 53.

CULPRIT: Tyler Kirkham (penciller) and Nei Rufino (colorist)

DISSECTION: What? Bystanders on Korugar are colored like humans, some lighter, others darker, and it's not a trick of the light or anything, because in the same light as Kyle Rayner, many share his skin color. But that's not the worst thing... they're dressed, unequivocally, in Earth clothes: jackets, baseball caps, hoodies. People from Korugar have pink or red skin, and they certainly shouldn't be wearing normal Earth garments.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars, double. Also, Sinestro's ring is colored like his skin in a panel (that's where all the pink ink went!).
<-------------------------------->
C05-"WHITE STAR." (The Dissector #189, 12/12/10)

COMMENT: It's disheartening. I don't ask colorists, some of which I've met personally and know they don't care about comics at all (while others are fans too, mind you), to know by heart the detailed histories of each character they color... but is it so hard to check what ethnicity a character is supposed to be?

TITLE: Adventure Comics V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 521.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Dawnstar is descended from Native Americans... she is not fair-skinned like Caucasians, and she does not have blue eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Twice. Get a fucking grip on the characters you are working on.
<-------------------------------->
I'm between two of those... Let's go with the nominees for Best Lettering Dissection:
<-------------------------------->
L01-"TRANSBAT." (The Dissector #148, 02/05/09)

COMMENT: Editors ended up taking the blame for this, but it's still a lettering error.

TITLE: Batman And Robin (DC).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Janelle Siegel (assistant editor) & Mike Marts (editor).

DISSECTION: Batwoman and Batman's speech balloons are switched on one page. Letterer Pat Brosseau says in his Facebook page that he was sure it was okay when he handed it in, so I'm going to take his word for it.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
L02-"PUSHER FOR HIRE.!" (The Dissector #163, 05/23/10)

COMMENT: Talk about turning around a story...

TITLE: New Avengers: Luke Cage (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Joe Sabino (letterer).

DISSECTION: Wow, Joe really did screw up on this one:

Cage talks like he's got people selling drugs? The villain who just attacked him says "it takes more than cats to hurt me"?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
L03-"HÉRR." (The Dissector #185, 11/19/10)

COMMENT: Two of my pet peeves (well, the same one twice, basically), mixed together.

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 647.

CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Joe's one of my favorite letterers, and that makes this dissection worse... he letter's what's supposed to be the word "Señor" as "Senõr". Not only that, he makes the "o" smaller because of the tilde. *sigh*

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzar's for fucking up the word, 7 for the smaller letter.
<-------------------------------->
L04-"BLURRED DIALOGUES." (The Dissector #187, 11/23/10)

COMMENT: Nothing scandalous, but pretty obvious, and something that shouldn't (but did, and I can't be surprised) have escaped proofreading.

TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).

DISSECTION: This one bears showing:

Seems like Sal pastes the text from the script to work on the balloons and actual lettering... but in this case, he forgot to delete or hide that layer when turning in the completed pages. Once upon a time, I would have been amazed at something like this slipping by an editor, but I've been doing this column for five years now...

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. The first letter of a word is missing in another dialogue; and I'm going to blame that on Sal too this time, and Iris' eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
Some interesting options. Let's check out the nominees for Best Other Dissection:
<-------------------------------->
O01-"WAR IS MESSY." (The Dissector #161, 05/08/10)

COMMENT: A real mess.

TITLE: Battlefields (Dynamite).

ISSUE: Honestly, I give up.

CULPRIT: Joseph Rybandt (editor).

DISSECTION: You know I enjoy these books... except for "Dear Billy", all the Battlefield minis have been excellent... well, "Dear Billy" is not bad, but just not to my taste. My favorite was "The Tankies", a three issue miniseries last year. Now the Tankies are back! Is it Battlefields: The Tankies II? Or is it Battlefields: The Firefly And His Majesty, or Battlefields: The Firefly, as it was announced?

No, it's Battlefields #4. What? There was never a book called "Battlefields", it was just Battlefields: The Night Witches, Battlefields: Dear Billy, and Battlefields: The Tankies, Yes, originally it was going to be Battlefields 1 to 9, with each of those three stories taking up three issues; but then, Battlefield: Happy Valley was released... and now a second Tankies story gets #4?

If it's a continuation of the original series of three minis, it'd be #10... if it's a continuation of the whole thing, including Happy Valley, it'd be #13. And if it's a continuation to the Tankies, it'd be #4... So, any way they want to say Dynamite is trying to publish this, it still doesn't make sense. There's also a blurb at the end of issue #5 that says announces the next issue as the conclusion of "the second Battlefields arc". So they're trying to consider this part of Battlefields: The Tankies... why don't you name it Battlefields: The Tankies and that way you can number it from #4?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
O02-"JUST SHOOT ME." (The Dissector #171, 07-26-10)

COMMENT: My bad, my bad. I really goofed up here.

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 170.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (editor).

DISSECTION: I was working on the column, and I noticed I didn't have a DT!, so I went and plucked one out of The Rundown... and left it there too. No one seems to have noticed, though, until Sidney did, some time later. Another badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
O03-"NUMBER π IN A SERIES." (The Dissector #177, 09/21/10)

COMMENT: Puzzling.

TITLE: B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth - New World (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 01 and 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Scott Allie (editor) and/or Samantha Robertson (assistant editor).

DISSECTION: Editor Scott Allie tells us readers in the letter column of the first issue that "the B.P.R.D. series that started in 2002 with Hollow Earth has ended with King Of Fear, and now we're into a new series- B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth, of which New World is the first arc. (...) But the name of the book is now B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth, with subtitles."

Now, this is all fine and dandy, because as you might have noticed if you read B.P.R.D., all of the miniseries feature in the credits a note that says "number ## in a series"; to show that it's all the same series, even if it's not published as a regular ongoing title. And now, it's a new series, "B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth"... but why are issues #1 and #2 marked as "number 69" and "number 70" ("in a series").

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
O04-"FIRST ISSUE EVER... AGAIN!" (The Dissector #187, 11/23/10)

COMMENT: There's hype, and then there's lying and being ridiculous.

TITLE: Spider-Girl V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Stephen Wacker (senior editor), Nate Cosby (editor), Tom Brennan (associate editor), and Mike Horwitz (assistant editor).

DISSECTION: Cover for this first issue says it's the "most synapse-shattering super hero debut of the decade". Really? Can someone explain to me how that's possible? Araña has been around since 2004; and she changed costume and name months ago, jumping around other books with it since then... This is not a debut in any way... at least not a "super hero debut". It might be a "solo series debut" (which would be partially correct), but not what they say...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
O05-"CHAOS ATE MY CREDITS." (The Dissector #189, 12/12/10)

COMMENT: Yeah, who cares who wrote and drew this?

TITLE: Chaos War: Alpha Flight (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Unknown editor.

DISSECTION: Yeah.... THERE ARE NO DETAILED CREDITS IN THE WHOLE ISSUE!!! Just last names of writer, penciller, inker, and colorist on the cover...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
I am not voting for myself, that much I can tell you. Now the nominees for the first of the "positive" categories, Best Quote:
<-------------------------------->
Q01-"This is a Christian land, and we a Christian people, but that's not stopped the old gods from reminding us they exist." Hilda, about winter, Northlanders #24. (The Dissector #148, 02/05/10)
<-------------------------------->
Q02-"I leave a lot behind, but never the whisky." John Constantine, Hellblazer #264. (The Dissector #151, 03/03/10)
<-------------------------------->
Q03-"This station will be ground up with your bones into the finest powder which we will snort in our victory orgy." Drenx commander, S.W.O.R.D. #5. (The Dissector #154, 03/19/10)
<-------------------------------->
Q04-"(...) there are promises one makes to oneself, having lived through a holocaust. I'm afraid these promises preclude me from watching the extermination of my people in a reclining position. See to your patients, Dr. McCoy. I will see to our enemies." Max Eisenhardt, aka Magneto, New Mutants V3 #14. (The Dissector #168, 06/25/10)
<-------------------------------->
Q05-"Why does every BBQ I have end with a dead hippie being molested?" Franky, Billy The Kid's Old Timey Oddities And The Ghastly Fiend Of London #2 (The Goon backup story). (The Dissector #184, 11/17/10)
<-------------------------------->
Can't tell you which one I'm voting for, but I've made my choice. Now for the next positive category, the nominees for Best Moment:
<-------------------------------->
M01-From Doomwar #1: You. Do. Not. Fuck. With. The. Wakandan. Royal. Family. (The Dissector #151, 03/03/10)

<-------------------------------->
M02-From Superman #697: The Legion's New Espionage Squad, in the 21st century. (The Dissector #152, 03/05/10)

<-------------------------------->
M03-From Siege #4: It's over, Norman. (The Dissector #155, 03/26/10)

<-------------------------------->
M04-S.H.I.E.L.D. #1: Galileo Vs. Galactus! (The Dissector #158, 04/16/10)

<-------------------------------->
M05-From X-Force V3 #26: The death of one of my favorite characters, and something I did not see coming. (The Dissector #161, 05/08/10)

<-------------------------------->
M06-From Ex Machina #50: The return of the Great Machine! (The Dissector #164, 05/28/10)

<-------------------------------->
M07-From Strange Tales II #1: Kate Beaton is too funny. (The Dissector #182, 10/31/10)

<-------------------------------->
The nominees for Best Cover:
<-------------------------------->
T01-Gravel #16. I like working class magicians, and this cover says "London". By Mike Wolfer. (The Dissector #147, 01/29/10)

<-------------------------------->
T02-From The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #625. The Gauntlet could get a bit repetitive, but the Rhino storyline was definitely compelling. Cover by Marko Djurdjevic. (The Dissector #155, 03/26/10)

<-------------------------------->
T03-The Flash V3 #3, nice cover by Greg Horn (and it ain't traced porn!). (The Dissector #170, 07/10/10)

<-------------------------------->
T04-This is from The Murder Of King Tut #1, by Darwyn Cooke. (The Dissector #171, 07/26/10)

<-------------------------------->
Lastly, the nominees for the newest positive category, Best Fight Scene (yes, I know, very MTV of me):
<-------------------------------->
F01-From Mighty Avengers (blanking on the issue), Quicksilver takes down Gary Stu, err, Mr. X (The Dissector #161, 05/08/10)

<-------------------------------->
F02-In Hercules: Twilight of A God #2, Herc takes down a future Silver Surfer... with extreme prejudice. (The Dissector #171, 07/26/10)

<-------------------------------->
F03-Don't mess with John Walker (the former U.S.Agent), even when he's missing limbs! From Thunderbolts #147 (The Dissector #175, 09/07/10)

<-------------------------------->
F04-From Rawhide Kid #4, it's not a physical battle, but a gay fashion showdown in the old west: (The Dissector #178, 09/29/10)

<-------------------------------->
F05-From Warriors Three #2, Volstagg The Voluminous (my favorite Thor character) fights trolls (The Dissector #189, 12/13/10)

<-------------------------------->
OK, get voting, you have until the end of the month (perhaps a few more days), to do so. Catch you soon with the next regular column. Remember, nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

2011-01-10T12:18:00.006-02:00

The Dissector #193.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"(...) a trip to the zoo? I like to watch the monkeys. Wild screaming, throwing poop... and sometimes the monkeys join in!" Rag Doll, Action Comics #896.

First column of 2011, but last column about 2010 books (barring a straggler or two that I might receive down the line), I hope everybody had a good new year celebration; this column was almost ready last week, but I had some work come up and couldn't finish it. We'll have the Autopsy Awards nominees very soon, so be ready to vote. Last column's DT! was solved by Donald313, who correctly noted that even with comic book science, ice plus fire don't make instantaneous rust.

There wasn't much worth looking at this week, cover-wise, but I had to choose one, so this piece by Jock for Detective Comics #872. Best Book Of The Week was The Flash V3 #8. It didn't blow my head off, but as usual, Geoff Johns tells a solid story, with a compelling origin for the Reverse Flash. While I'd prefer original book artist Francis Manapul in charge of the visuals, Scott Kolins does a good job. Worst Book Of The Week was Justice Society Of America V3 #46... it just reads very disjointed, and the just doesn't cut it for me either.

The Rundown: Action Comics (Catman's eyes are colored wrong), Angel (Angel does not have blue eyes), Astonishing Spider-Man/Wolverine (Adamantium or not, Wolverine cannot cut through a bank vault in one swipe), Batman: The Dark Knight (Croc should be in Arkham, or escaped, not able to say "you got nothing on me", Alfred's eyes should be blue, and the Penguin doesn't look like he does here), Blackest Night (Director's Cut) ("Alexandor" Luthor), Captain America V2 (Nomad's eyes are wrong, then right, and the Black Widow's are wrong), Chaos War: X-Men (Madrox never referred to his power as "cloning power", and Banshee's eyes should be blue), Detective Comics (wrong bat emblem, accented letter), Green Lantern V4 (wrong badge on Hal), Justice League Of America/The 99 (Firestorm's powers have nothing to do with "energy waves" and "isolating and tracking frequencies"), Justice Society Of America V3 (someone ask who Doctor Chaos is after receiving a note... which was anonymous... accented letter too), New Mutants V3 (Karma's eyes shouldn't be blue), Osborn (Norman's eyes shouldn't be brown; and I'll ignore the changes to green...).
<-------------------------------->
"NOBODY TOLD ME SHIT!"

TITLE: The Avengers V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: There is absolutely no way that Reed Richards wouldn't know that Black Bolt is dead. Nova has been on Earth, Hank Pym and his previous Mighty Avengers team have been on Attilan, Reed and other characters have ways of knowing this stuff...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MOVING."

TITLE: The Avengers V4 (Marvel)

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: why the fuck do the Illuminati go to the Himalayas as "the previous site of Attilan"??!?!?! And why didn't Black Bolt transfer his Infinity Gem to the Moon when they moved there... YEARS AGO?!?!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"JOES CAN'T READ TOO WELL."

TITLE: G.I. Joe (IDW).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Chuck Dixon (writer).

DISSECTION: Dear comic book writers, "physiognomy" does not mean the same as "physiology" or "anatomy". In case you're too lazy to click on links or crack open a fucking dictionary, here are the definitions of "physiognomy":

1. the face or countenance, esp. when considered as an index to the character: a fierce physiognomy.
2. Also called anthroposcopy. the art of determining character or personal characteristics from the form or features of the body, esp. of the face.
3. the outward appearance of anything, taken as offering some insight into its character: the physiognomy of a nation.

It is not, I repeat, NOT, a word that you can use to refer to mutant physiology/anatomy (like I dissected before on an X-Men book), nor a word you can use to refer to the digitized information of a person's body for teleportation... WORDS ARE YOUR FRIENDS!!! THEY LIVE INSIDE DICTIONARIES!!! AND NOW, THEY'RE EVEN INSIDE THE INTERNET!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, "rojo bandidos" is not a correct expression in Spanish. Even using the Google translator would have given you the correct way to write it, Dixon.
<-------------------------------->
"HEROIC AGE: HANDBOOK FUCK UPS ARE STILL IN SEASON!"

TITLE: Heroic Age: Heroes (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator).

DISSECTION: I don't even know how to start, or rather how to quantify the dissections in this book. This is a profiles handbook, and, for some reason, perhaps due to being written in-universe by Steve Rogers, the usual Marvel Handbook power meters are not used. Instead, a power grid consisting of the following attributes is used: power, conscience, altruism, wisdom, courage, determination, free will, and vulnerability (in a scale from 1 to 10).

Apparently, Hoskin and his writers have no idea what many of these words mean... apart from some other minor dissections, look at how some characters are measured according to those attributes:

Beast has an altruism of 9, while Angel, Reed Richards, Mockingbird, NAMORA, COLLECTIVE MAN, RADIOACTIVE MAN, Thor, Longshot, and JIMMY WOO have 10??!?!?!?!?!?
Wolverine has a 5 altruism? Toro (the new bull-mutated kid, not the WWII Kid Torch) has a 7?
Paladin (a mercenary) has an altruism of 7, same as Northstar, and more than Moon Knight? And Elixir, a healer gets 5?
A-Bomb has a power of 8, while Angel has a 7, and American Eagle an 8. In what world are those characters of comparable power?

A-Bomb and American Eagle have the same rating, 8; and Angel a 6... making Angel less vulnerable than those two? Or only two points more vulnerable?
Asgardians as a race have a vulnerability of 6. The same as Angel and Luke Cage.
Captain Britain has a vulnerability of 2... if it's a physical attribute, he's not that resistant, if it's a mental/emotional attribute, his insecurities are not reflected.
Despite his looks, the Thing is one of the most mentally stable characters in the whole Marvel universe, not to mention one of the most powerful, physically speaking. Then why does he get a vulnerability rating of 6?
Darwin, one of the most unbalancedly powerful characters in the X-teams, has a vulnerability of 5, when he's basically indestructible?

Bengal can't have his origin tied to the Vietnam war anymore, it's not the 80s.
"1941on" instead of "1941 on", Black Widow's profile.
Random "TO", like that, in capital letters, in Cyclops profile between paragraphs.
"Presidential Medal of Freedom" is all in lower case.
"Helmet" Zemo.
It's "The Intelligencia", not "The Intel".

DISSECT-O-METER: Variable.
<-------------------------------->
"OH. MY. GAWD! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!"

TITLE: Heroic Age: Heroes (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator).

DISSECTION: This one was going to be part of the previous list, but it's too outrageous not to stand on its own. Steve Rogers, a 1941 super soldier who was frozen and lives today, fighting along high-tech armored technologists, sorcerers, gods, and super-powerful mutants and metahumans of all kinds, not to mention aliens, robots and random immortals, thinks that it "sounds impossible" that the current Dog Brother #1 was an orphan boy in 1841 Hong Kong. Yeah. Right.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. You don't even have to be an actual writer and understand the Steve Rogers character to realize that saying something like that within the context of the Marvel universe is just plain ridiculous.
<-------------------------------->
"UNDECIDED."

TITLE: Heroic Age: Villains (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator).

DISSECTION: This book didn't have power or other ratings such as the Heroes one, so it wasn't that badly flawed. Still, there were some errors (there's a list in the next dissection), the worst one being Steve Rogers writing about Baron Zemo (Helmut, not Helmet :) that he's not sure if he's a hero or a villain. I don't care if this Zemo has done some good, how can Steve write "I can't tell whose side he is on other than he's own. (...) the humanitarian within himself (...) I've thought long and hard about which area he should be filed, be it heroic or villainous (...)"... Really? You need to ask, Steve?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"VILLAINS: LISTED."

TITLE: Heroic Age: Villains (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator).

DISSECTION: A list of small writing and editing mistakes:

The word "headache" should not start with a capital "H".
Cutthroat's relationship to his sister, and how much Steve respects the latter takes up most of the villain's entry, but they never mention his real name, or who his sister is (Diamondback). In fact, since these are not actual profiles but more like Steve's notes on each character or organization, unless he mentions it in the text, you don't have each character's real name. It's not something that's needed for most entries, but in this case, the text should have included who his sister is.
The Kingpin entry includes comments about Matt Murdock using his abilities as a lawyer to make sure he goes to jail... but the Hand entry in the same book talks about Matt being out of control as leader of the ninja cult. Lack of internal consistency...
Norman Osborn was not made head of S.H.I.E.L.D., that agency was disbanded and a new agency, US-only, H.A.M.M.E.R., was created.
Daimon "Hellstrrm".

DISSECT-O-METER: Various.
<-------------------------------->
"GASP FROM THE PAST."

TITLE: JLA V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 57.

CULPRIT: Mark Waid (writer).

DISSECTION: This one's too easy:

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"UNDERWATER PAST II."

TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Stuart Moore (writer).

DISSECTION: So, the X-Men's Loa is the grand-niece of a woman Namor dated in the 40s. It's 2010, and Loa's father seems to be, at most, in his mid-40s (and I'm being generous), while she's 15-16. Loa's father is present when Namor last visits his girl in 1947, a newborn baby... which would make him 60. Yeah... um... no. While it could be possible, the guy, a normal human, looks like he's a 20-something.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Namor should have grey eyes, not blue, and he wasn't wearing that costume a couple of years ago when Loa's powers manifested.
<-------------------------------->
"THE TIMELINE IS BROKEN."

TITLE: S.H.I.E.L.D. (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Hickman (writer).

DISSECTION: Nathaniel Richards (father of Reed Richards) abandons his family and Howard Stark (Tony Stark's father) fakes his death, both to better pursue their mission as members of the Brotherhood of the Shield... in 1951. So, assuming Reed and Tony are 12 and 10... they're in their sixties now? (And I'm being generous, since Tony was a teenager when he was left legally orphaned, and Reed's father disappeared only three years before the FF got their powers.)

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
2010 ends with an average of 6.4 Bazzars in 58 dissections (or at least, the last week of comics ends like that). Let's go with the Moments Of The Week, shall we? First up, Norman Osborn is almost free again, and he has a new posse:

Be scared... very scared. Next, what's up with Colossus costume?

Ass cleavage, really? And watch out:

Spidey has been replaced by a Xenomorph!!! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

2010-12-29T17:01:00.003-02:00

The Dissector #192.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Did I ever tell you the story of how I stormed the beach at Normandy? I was late by a year or so, but I stormed it solo. Then walked up a hill into a small French village. I entered a bakery and a Frenchwoman gave me a croissant. And then I left. (...) Come to think of it, I did bang her in a haystack later. Dammit, now I want a croissant." Grandpa Vork, The Guild: Vork.

Welcome to the last column of the year! Not the last column about 2010 comics (this one is for books released on 12/22), because we have the last batch of books of the year coming out today, and we'll have the Autopsy Awards next year. Let's get this one over with as quickly as possible... I'm not taking any vacations from the column, however, so I'll see you next week. Last column's DT! was cracked by JohnnyDoe, who correctly pointed out that Superboy's right hand should have been missing, since he lost it in the fight with Superboy Prime (and that's the way it was in the original panel in Infinite Crisis). Badge for JD!

I know this cover isn't very flashy, but Gilbert Hernández’s alternate cover for The Guild: Vork perfectly illustrates the sadness of Vork's life. Haven't seen The Guild? Go watch it, I find MMORPGs boring, but the show was still funny to me. The rest of The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #8; even with small mistakes, Paul Levitz is still a good writer (unlike other, unfortunate examples), and this time Yildiray Cinar's pencils didn't suffer as much from Daniel HDR's intrusion (when is Cinar going to pick up full pencilling of the book again?), making for a solid, if not extraordinary book... but this is one of my favorite teams, so in a week devoid of any other book that stood out, it gets best book. Worst Book Of The Week was Teen Titans: Cold Case... not horrible, but it had some subpar writing, and the art was uninspired and too cartoony for my tastes.

The Rundown: Batman: Streets Of Gotham (Bruce's chest emblem is wrong, the Penguin shouldn't have pointed ears in comics), Chaos War: Dead Avengers (wrong Spanish), DC Universe: Legacies (the fucking timeline, Batman's costume color is wrong), Green Lantern: Larfleeze Christmas Special (GL badges), Green Lantern Corps V2 (badges and masks), Justice League: Generation Lost (bad Portuguese), Justice League Of America V2 (Dick's belt and emblem, and another reference to him not being used to big cosmic battles... he fucking lead the Titans against Trigon like two thousand times...), Outsiders V4 (Katana shouldn't have blue eyes, she's Japanese... and I'm being generous on the topic of her skin color), Power Girl V2 (they don't see Max Lord in a surveillance cam, they see a random man, but they answer they don't see a man on the screen? and Dick's emblem again), Secret Avengers (inconsistent roster lettering), Star Wars: Invasion - Rescues (once more, New Jedi Order is not about Luke Skywalker's descendants, that's Legacy), Uncanny X-Men (physiognomies, again), Warlord Of Mars (am I supposed to believe that a US Civil War Captain knows about gravity and how it would affect him in Mars? there's also an incomplete sentence in the post-comic diary), X-Men V3 (Wolverine's eyes are brown, then blue; the whole Jubilee's vampirism as incurable thing is ignoring Spitfire, who's also Blade's girlfriend).
<-------------------------------->
"UNDER PRESSURE."

TITLE: Batman Incorporated (DC).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Grant Morrison (writer).

DISSECTION: Atlantean crown jewels can't, according to Bruce Wayne, withstand pressures "above 1000 atmospheres", since they were obviously crafted under water, at enormous depths... don't you mean "below 1000 atmospheres", Bruce? Considering we live at one atmosphere...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GIGI."

TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Science Police member Gigi Cusimano was Legion/SP liaison for years, plus she dated Legionnaires (at least Sun Boy, and Colossal Boy when he wasn't yet a Legionnaire), she's friends with the Legion... how could she not know Wildfire's natural state is energy?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Colossal Boy's eyes are colored correctly, then incorrectly, he shouldn't be surprised at a Durlan growing (since Cham has done it in the past, right in front of him, too), and Dawnstar's powers are still listed incompletely. Levitz is a great writer, he still has the skills, but sometimes it seems he's phoning it in...
<-------------------------------->
"CHILL."

TITLE: Teen Titans: Cold Case (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Mark Sable (writer).

DISSECTION: Check this one, tell me what you see:

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT IF?"

TITLE: What If? Dark Reign (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Jason Henderson (writer).

DISSECTION: A reporter protests on how "we bailed on registration"... but they didn't, the whole point of Dark Reign was that registration continued under Norman Osborn's watch.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Norman's eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
So, the last column of the year ends up with a 6.3 Bazzars average in thirty-six dissections. The very definition of "standard" around these parts. Now, we only have two Moments Of The Week, and they're both complaints. Batman, Inc. is a good concept, but I believe it's stupid for Bruce Wayne to reveal he's behind Batman, particularly when he a) still runs around inside a Batman costume, b) his three closest costumed associates are his children (two adoptive and one biological), c) those three sons are the exact heights and builds as the other Batman, Red Robin, and Robin and he paraded them in front of the press even if Damian hadn't been introduced to the public, and d) half of Gotham's population might suspect him of being Batman anyway. Add on top of that the fact that he's going around the world fronting Batman, Inc. and dealing with foreign governments and police departments, behaving in ways that completely throw overboard his playboy persona, and it's like he doesn't care if his cover is blown... Wait, maybe he just gave up on hiding it altogether! Of course, he has protection, so do his friends and associates... man, what a great moment to be a random employee of Wayne Enterprises!!!

But I actually wanted to focus on the "Batmen" that will be posted around the world. Obviously, Knight will be the UK's, I guess Gaucho (appearing in next issue) will be Argentina's (and by extension, Uruguay's, since we probably don't merit Bruce's attention)... but I thought we had more than enough with two actual Batmen... Then why is Night Runner (France) wearing this after being recruited?

Ah, well, it's only a Bat emblem, and one that's radically different from the Batmen's... in fact, he's not even wearing Bat-ears, or spiked gloves. Well, at least Night Runner isn't...

... that's Batman Japan. I don't know if it's actually "Batman Japan" or "Batman" Japan; but that's the guy who'll work for Bruce in Japan. He's the former Mr. Unknown; more precisely his stand-in, since the original Mr. Unknown was too old for any combat or acrobatics and just did the detective work. A Batman Beyond approach for a city that already looks a lot like the future. But now, after Mr. Unknown's death, he's been recruited as the Japan representative of Batman, Inc.... WHICH APPARENTLY MEANS HE HAS TO WEAR A FUCKING BATMAN COSTUME AND ACTUALLY CALL HIMSELF BATMAN!!!! NO!!! NO!!!!! NOOOOO!!! MORRISON YOU LAZY MOTHERFUCKER!!! DESIGN HIM A FUCKING NEW IDENTITY, BAT-INSPIRED IF YOU WANT, BUT DON'T MAKE HIM AN ACTUAL BATMAN!!!!

That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

PS: Oh, and happy New Year to everyone!

2010-12-28T13:26:00.004-02:00

The Dissector #191.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I wear pants because it's the law." Atomic Robo, Atomic Robo & The Deadly Art Of Science #2.

Second-to-last column of the year? Maybe! This is for books released on 12/15, and I might be able to finish the column for 12/22 books in time before the end of the year, but there's no way I can read all 12/29 books in time, much less write that column... but it should be out by the end of next week, and after that I'll post the Autopsy Award nominations. Speaking of Autopsy Awards, remember you can make nominations (copy/paste from a previous column:

"As you might now (and if you don't, you can read the first, second, and third editions of the awards), some awards are selected by reader votes from several nominations I select from the year's columns; such as Best Writing Dissection, Best Art Dissection, Best Quote, or Best Cover. Then there are awards that are given based solely on number of dissections, like Company With Most Dissections, Most Dissected Writer, or Single Issue With Most Dissections.

But there are also special awards, given for specific circumstances, for merit or lack of it. For example, I will probably select myself things like Breakout Book Of The Year, or Best Character Of The Year; but I will accept suggestions for awards that I might not think of myself; or even within categories used in previous years. For example, in the first awards, Cyclone (from the JSA) won an award for not having her costume depicted correctly in any of her appearances after her first one. That award has gone one to be called the "Cyclone Fashion Award To The Most Mutable Costume", and was won by Una in the second edition of the awards, and was expanded in the following edition to cover any character alteration, going to Norman Osborn's eyes, for changing contacts all the time (basically EVERY Marvel book during Secret Invasion and Dark Reign).

Then, within the same special awards, we have stuff like the "Creator That I'm Sorry I Have To Dissect Award", for people whose sheer volume of work makes it likely they slip up and I notice it, but they obviously very much care about their work, and on top of that, are nice people. Or the "Bloody Stumps With Blunt Crayolas Award", for underachievement in art; or the "Worst Character Depiction Although You Obviously Have Talent Award" for instances in which it's readily noticeable that an artist has a lot of talent, but (for example) decides to make Beast look like a humanoid goat, for example. And finally, there's the "Golden Bonesaw Award", for catastrophic underachievement, taken home in 2007 by Marvel for the many shapes of Beast, in 2008 by the Blue Beetle issue in Spanish, and in 2009 by IDW and their Zorro book for their year-long raping of the Spanish language. I will probably choose this one myself, but I welcome suggestions too."

Back to this column, last column's DT wasn't cracked. JohnnyDoe got close by saying that they have "Cerebro" and not "Cerebra", but that wasn't quite it. The X-Men's mutant locator has been called "Cerebra" for quite a while, but if Rogue wanted to refer to it, she shouldn't say "the original", because the original was "Cerebro". It's like saying "we've got the original New Coke"... Yes, it's a nuance... it's semantically correct, since they do have the first "Cerebra", but the original machine that fulfills that role is "Cerebro", and therefore, the only one that should be called "original".

Now, look at this very nice variant cover from Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #513, by Francesco Francavilla... very Kirby meets Frank Miller. Speaking of The Dissector's Picks Of The Week, Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #513 is Best Book Of The Week. While I don't agree with characters taking over the numbering of someone else's books (like Hercules taking over Incredible Hulk, or this, with Black Panther taking over Daredevil... are these issues going to count toward Daredevil's #600 issue?), I must admit that this was a great start for this run. David Liss, who has very little in the way of comic book credits (a Phantom Reporter special for Marvel's 70th anniversary line, and this very comic), has a considerable body of work in prose fiction, mostly historical-mystery novels... but he manages to make this "set-up issue" as enjoyable as any comic book pro's "full gear" run. Yes, his villain is kind of stereotypical, but this is a superhero comic, what do you expect? Add Francesco Francavilla's pulp-style art (pencils, inks, and colors), and you get a mixture of explosive Jack Kirby action and noir Frank Miller ambience... which is what you'd expect from a book where the Black Panther takes over Daredevil's job as protector of Hell's Kitchen. Go read it. Worst Book Of The Week was Superman #706... as much as G. Willow Wilson impressed me with "Air", her Superman issues are worthless. Stilted dialogue and mischaracterization make for bad stories... Perry White completely out of touch with the internet? Doubtful. Superman saying that he's "scared by the internet"? What?!? Add mediocre art by Amilcar Pinna and oddly phosphorescent colors by Rod Reis (who usually does good work), and you get a very bad comic which gives credence to those who say that Superman comics are boring and unattractive.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (why doesn't Peter show any wounds from his fight with Hobgoblin, only seconds after, and an accented letter), Batman (Riddler's hair should be black, Enigma's eyes should be blue), Black Panther: The Man Without Fear (bad Romanian dialogue, accented letter), Brightest Day (Mera shouldn't have flipper feet), Captain America: Man Out of Time (Rick Jones was recently shown to be a hacker and anti-authority paranoid, why does he not know what an APB is?), Green Lantern/Plastic Man: Weapons Of Mass Deception (numerous costume design and other errors), Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (Kilowog and Guy get incorrect badges), I Am An Avenger (inconsistent credit lettering), New Mutants Forever (ANDES! FUCKING ANDES!!!! Plus, Storm's eyes should not be white when she's not using her powers), Titans V2 (bad Italian and Portuguese), Velocity V2 ("replace" instead of "replaced"), What If? The Amazing Spider-Man: Grim Hunt (small ñ), X-Factor V3 (Shatterstar's eyes should be blue, not green).
<-------------------------------->
"THEM DRAWING MONKEYS."

TITLE: Avengers Academy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Rachel Pinnelas (assistant editor), John Denning (assistant editor), and Bill Rosemann (editor).

DISSECTION: Tom Raney pencilled this issue, but regular penciller Mike McKone gets credited for it.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DOVE ASK, DOVE TELL."

TITLE: Birds Of Prey V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer).

DISSECTION: Dove's powers are listed, but many of her powers (such as one of her more visually distinctive ones, her enhanced agility) are missing, in exchange of shit like "she is the consciousness of the superhero community", when most heroes don't even have contact with her...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DAS FAIL."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 190.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Donald313 doesn't rest, and he points out that the plural of "Glückwunsch" is "Glückwünsche".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"RETRO DT!"

TITLE: Outsiders V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 45.

CULPRIT: Carlo Barberi (penciller).

DISSECTION: From The Vault, this an old pet peeve of mine, old readers might remember.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"VANISHING SENSE."

TITLE: Time Masters: Vanishing Point (DC).

ISSUE: 05 Of 6.

CULPRIT: Dan Jurgens (writer).

DISSECTION: Two powerful sorcerers scour all of time to find the most powerful weapon in the universe and then decide to steal one of the first atom bombs? What? Not to mention they had a Green Lantern captive...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Hal Jordan's badge is wrong on the cover and inside, as is his ring, and he's even missing his ring altogether in one page.
<-------------------------------->
With a 6.9 Bazzars average in thirty-eight dissections, we get a "high among normal" average rating for this week. Now, Moments Of The Week... from G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero, Cobra's sophisticated torture methods:

Amazing... and look who's back in Green Lantern:

Oh, shit... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

2010-12-22T22:19:00.001-02:00

Creator sighting!

Chris Batista thanked me on Facebook for Booster Gold V2 #39 being best book of the week.

2010-12-22T18:48:00.003-02:00

The Dissector #190.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"When I dedicated my life in service to you as Sorcerer Supreme... I remember I closed my eyes and I prayed that one day I would grow up to be a second-rate Jarvis for a second-rate pile of Avengers." Wong, New Avengers V2 #7.

Late, late, late... I know; but here we are with one of the last columns of the year (there will be possibly one more, maximum two), and one of the last before the last comics of the year are published. These, in particular, were released on 12/08. Last column's DT was cracked by Donald313, who pointed out that Aquaman is not half-human, but half-Atlantean, half-Atlantean wizard/demigod. Reader Darryn asked Dan DiDio on Facebook, and DiDio vaguely replied "roll with it". That's not really a confirmation of a retcon to pre-Crisis Aquaman (which is stupid, and makes him more of a Namor knock off); just a FB comment... in last week's issue of Brightest Day, Aquaman mentions Tom Curry as his father; but he doesn't specifically say he's his biological father... until it's explicitly mentioned in a comic, I won't consider it valid. And when it is, I'm still not retracting, because it wasn't done properly beforehand. Yeah, it's my column. Oh, Badge for Donald!

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week weren't spectacularly bad or good... Best Book Of The Week was Booster Gold V2 #39; good read, nice art, but filler. Worst Book Of The Week was Stargate: Daniel Jackson #4, last issue of a mini that had very weak art, and a story that could have been told in a one-shot. And then there's the Cover Of The Week, a nice piece by Marko Djurdjevic for one of the many (unnecessary) Chaos War tie-ins.

The Rundown: B.P.R.D. V2 (series numbering), Booster Gold V2 (eye and hair colors), Chaos War: Ares ("banish this place"?), DC Universe Holiday Special 2010 (wonky phrasing in the Anthro story at one point, John Stewart couldn't have likely patrolled Baghdad, Batman is very well known and recognized as a hero and not a mysterious vigilante like its implied in the Superman story, Supes refers to all heroes as "metahumans", in the Spectre story a speech balloon is misplaced, and in the Legion story, Abnett and Lanning mention stargates, which are not in use in the current LSH continuity), Detective Comics (Dick Grayson's costume is all wrong, emblem, gloves, and belt; in the backup story, Renee's eyes are colored incorrectly), Invaders Now! (accented letter), Justice League: Generation Lost (Fire's hair is inexplicably red in a panel), Namor: The First Mutant (Namor's ankle wings are ginormous on the cover, his eyes are miscolored inside, and the logomancer is still Caucasian colored, with no comment from any character, when they keep reminding Namor, their king, that he's a half-breed), New Avengers V2 (inconsistent lettering on credits and coming attractions page, Victoria Hand's eyes are colored incorrectly, and Danielle Cage is too young and doesn't look like she should), Northlanders (accented letter, and "Commonweath"), R.E.B.E.L.S. (Soranik Natu, John Stewart, and Ganthet have blank eyes at points, John's badge is wrong on the cover, "alternativeto", "forece", Soranik and Kyle should have green boots, not white... and not a dissection, but if John is now a Honor Guard Lantern, who's 2814.2?), Red Robin ("unlimted"), Shadowland: After The Fall ("isn't the Black Panther some sort of African hero?" Come on!!! He was until very recently king of a prominent country, had a celebrity wedding, and has been an Avenger!), What If? Wolverine: Father (Daken's mother is gutted by Wolverine to extract the baby, but there's no sign of blood or anything on the woman's clothes), Widowmaker (shinobi-zu, not zue; accented letter, and what are the Supreme Soviets doing there, and talking about Siberian work camps without anyone commenting on that?).
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTOR DISSECTED."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 189.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: JohnnyDoe pointed out that I spelled his name incorrectly as "JhonnyDoe" last week; and he also noticed I wrote "wich" instead of "which". Two badges for Johnny. Then Donald313 noticed I used "obviously" instead of "obvious", "not" instead of "note", and "reverses" instead of "reverse". Three badges more for Don, which are more than enough to make him achieve the rank of Captain in the HDSC! Glückwunschs, Kapitän!

DISSECT-O-METER: Various ratings.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S BACK IN FASHION."

TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Really, the boomerang was popularized in the US when Barry Allen was first active as The Flash? Barry was active in the late 60s?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, why are guards in Iron Heights Penitentiary wearing full body riot armors... with no neck protection at all?
<-------------------------------->
"OHOTMU DISSECTION UPDATE."

TITLE: Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe A to Z: Update (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen & Mike O'Sullivan (coordinators, according to my reader).

DISSECTION: Sidney points out three errors in this issue:

* "De tainment quadrant" in the Beetle's Armor entry.

* "as wellas"in the Marvel Apes entry.

* In Boomerang's (Fred Myers) entry, he was referred to as "Mort" once instead of Myers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars on each of the spacing issues, 6 Bazzars on the name issue.
<-------------------------------->
"PROJECT: X-MAS."

TITLE: Project Superpowers X-Mas Carol (Dynamite).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Brandon Jerwa (writer) and/or Patrick Berkenkotter (penciller).

DISSECTION: Another dissection spotted by Sidney. The spirit of the Fighting Yank is talking about members of the Supremacy that are still at large, with symbolic pictures of them behind them. However, three of them, President West, Dynamic Man, and Dynamic Woman, quit the Supremacy and joined the heroes a while ago in the second volume of Project Superpowers. Then again, continuity has never been that good in the PS books.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OLD ANNUAL DISSECTION."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual "#1" (2007).

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).

DISSECTION: Sometimes I don't understand the numbering changes... this volume of X-Men (the one that's now X-Men Legacy, but will eventually be combined with the current X-Men when they reach a significant numbering...) had three annuals (1992, 1993, and 1994), numbered one through three... then why number this one as #1? It'd make sense if it was a different volume (as the annuals from when Uncanny was merely X-Men), but it's the same volume...

Anyway, here's a DT!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FOREVER WAVING FLAG."

TITLE: X-Men Forever 2 (Marvel)

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: Rodney Buchemi (penciller).

DISSECTION: At first I thought this was a MOT, because I thought the Uruguayan flag was among the member flags seen outside UN HQ (even though the blue is too light a shade)... but then I noticed that since the first stripe is blue; it can't be Uruguay's, which has as white for its first stripe. It might be the Greek flag, although the blue stripes should be darker too. The blue on Uruguay's flag is darker than the one on the Greek one, which in turn is a shade or two darker than the Argentinian flag; although due to the Uruguayan national football team's jersey being a light blue like the Argentinian flag has, people here insist on using a light blue shade for the flag sometimes...

Oh, sorry, that whole rant had nothing to do with the dissection... in which flags, including recognizable country ones (like Ireland, Spain or Germany) are flow in a random order by artist Buchemi, when flags outside the UN HQ are flown in English alphabetical order, north to south. Even with fictitious Marvel countries possibly there, anyone can tell it's wrong.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Angel is said to be a Chicago native, when he's from Centerport (Long Island, New York), and an accented letter is wrong.
<-------------------------------->
This leaves us with a predictably low 5.5 Bazzars average in fifty-seven dissections. Now, let's end this with the (just two) Moments Of The Week. First up, Booster tells Captain Atom how's it gonna be:

And as a finale, something that made me laugh:

That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!