DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"This isn't a powers case. (...) That's not a fox-man. That is a good old fashioned furry. (...) The guy has a dildo up his ass with a tail attached to it." Detective Enki Sunrise, Powers V3 #6.
Still running behind, here's the column for books released on 09/29. The DT! from last column wasn't cracked; Batman attacks Supergirl with red sunlight, but that shouldn't be enough to render her powerless, as it's only prolonged exposure that weakens a Kryptonian, or a concentrated beam (not just light from lamps). Incidentally, Ensign David earns a badge (and is one away from promotion) by pointing out something I hadn't noticed. Batman says that he's using UVB of a red wavelength variety... when an ultraviolet light is specifically NOT within the red wavelength, but above the visible spectrum. So the term is contradictory.
The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week is again shared between two books. First up is issue #2 of Captain America: Patriot; again, great writing by Kesel and outstanding art by the Breitweisers; mixing classical and modern feels, as well as fitting lettering by Jared K. Fletcher. The other book is a Marvel book as well, Amazing Spider-Man #644; for similar reasons, a good blending of modern storytelling. Mark Waid is as veteran a writer as Karl Kesel, but his writing doesn't feel dated, it feels classic. Same goes for artist Paul Azaceta's and colorist Javier Rodriguez's work; subdued coloring that harkens back to Silver Age classics, but with modern narrative techniques; all aided by Joe Caramagna's letters.
Worst Book Of The Week is, a regular in recent times, Teen Titans #87. The art is not as bad as it's been before, but it still shows at certain points where Luís didn't put any effort into faces, and writer Felicia D. Henderson... should stay away from the Titans... cheesy dialogues, weird plot twists, characters behaving like jerks, and harebrained power-effects make for a bad comic. I'm glad there's a new creative team coming to this book next issue.
The Rundown: Action Comics (Jimmy Olsen's eyes colored incorrectly), Atlas ("Docter" Voodoo) , Detective Comics (Batman's uniform is all wrong, emblem, belt, and gloves), Powers V3 (the recap falls short by several issues, accented letters), Secret Warriors (Nick Fury's eye is colored incorrectly), Star Wars: Invasion - Rescues (the blurb in the inner front cover says the New Jedi Order era is about Luke Skywalker's descendants... that's more suited to the Legacy era), Teen Titans V3 (WTF is up with "Jose Lúís"? Black Alice's eyes are colored incorrectly in the back up), Time Masters: Vanishing Point (Hal Jordan's badge is wrong, and his boots are colored white in a panel), Valkyrie V2 (accented letter), X-Men Forever 2 (again with the starship larger than Manhattan, Chris? Jean Grey's eyes are colored incorrectly in a panel).
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"HAMMERTIME!"
TITLE: Avengers Prime (Marvel).
ISSUE: 03 of 05.
CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).
DISSECTION: Captain America, sorry, Steve Rogers, and Iron Man are both surprised that someone could lift Thor's hammer, when it's been lifted by others (including The Hulk by sheer brute strength), many others, throughout the years.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"WELL, MAYBE HE WROTE IT WITH A PENCIL!"
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 179.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: Donald313 noticed that I credited Joe Kelly as a penciller, when he's a writer.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, because it was a DT! about the writing.
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"UNDER THE SEA."
TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel).
ISSUE: 02.
CULPRIT: Ariel Olivetti (artist).
DISSECTION: Stop giving Namor gigantic ankle wings! They're supposed to be smaller. But I also retract from a dissection credited to writer Stuart Moore, the part about the magic box with Dracula's head inside of it... they do address the fact that it has to be opened by an Atlantean monarch.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Namor's eyes are GREY, not BLUE. Grey.
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"OHLUKOOLONALOLYPIPOL!!!!"
TITLE: Room Mates (La Cúpula/NBM/Eurotica).
ISSUE: Volume 1.
CULPRIT: Miguel Guerra (translator) and/or Ivan Guevara (writer).
DISSECTION: Stories in this book are closed with part of song lyrics or literary quotes. One of them ends with "Only lonely people", by Lennon/McCartney. Problem is, Eleanor Rigby never says that. It's "All the lonely people..."
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"WAR IS ASS."
TITLE: Star Spangled War Stories V3 (DC).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Billy Tucci (writer).
DISSECTION: The word "âne", which means "ass", is used to refer to the backside of Mademoiselle Marie (and metaphorically to her life); but while it means "ass" in French, it's the animal, not the body part. The word Tucci was looking for was "cul". Don't use literal translations, folks!
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Of course, every single accented letter is wrong, except for one.
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"LEGACY OF THE DISSECTOR."
TITLE: X-Men Legacy (Marvel).
ISSUE: 240.
CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).
DISSECTION: This one should be easy:
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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This week ups the average a bit with 6.8 Bazzars in thirty dissections. Cover Of The Week is from Captain America: Patriot #2, by the Breitweisers:
I love how the light from the torches and possibly the sun ends up looking like it's coming from the stars in the Caps' chests. The attitudes in Namor and Bucky are also quite telling. Moments Of The Week start off with gratuitous posturing by Alan Scott:
And this is just the best part of Robinson's weak handling of JSA... Next, from Captain America: Patriot, someone had it coming:
Yes, Cap injured his hand, but Namor sometimes deserves it... Now, from the worst book of the week, Cyborg shows what part of him was most affected by his more recent overhaul:
His personality... what a dick! And now, from Powers, be careful for what you wish:
I would try and use a different catchphrase... The end of that issue came with a nice surprise for regular readers:
Look who got promoted? And last, Bendis answers my question with his usual flippancy:
Gee, thanks Brian! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
16 comments:
Gravity makes your heart burst?
Theoretically, if you increased the mass of someone's blood you could overcome the natural tensile limits of their heart muscles, I guess, and cause their heart to explode (although the rest of their blood vessels would probably pop first), but thats not gravitational.
If you increased the local gravity on someone's heart (and excluded the rest of their body and surrounds of course) then they would be dragged to the ground and their heart would disconnect and force its way through the chest (and on to the Earth's core!!) but that's not bursting.
By gum, I don't think its possible!!
Yes, the science is wrong... but you haven't worded it quite right yet...
¡¡Ni siquiera sabía que había vuelto Powers!!! Estoy demasiado atrasado en esto, y con un deficit de atención importante. Enorme dissection, as always.
Slds,
Mathias
Ok, looking carefully at the actual words (d'oh at me), why would her heart burst if increased her entire bodily mass?
Mat: Gracias; Powers va por el 6 pero volvio hace como 10 meses... terribles retrasos. :)
Darryn: Still not quite what I'm looking for. :)
Just a guess (for the DT!) but the gravity affect on a body isn't dependent by the mass of it, the WEIGHT of the body is.
That's exactly it, JD, gravity doesn't increase your mass, but your weight.
By the way, for the 10/6 set of books, Matt Sturges gave a mea culpa via Twitter for accidentally calling Power Girl Kara Zor-El rather than Zor-L in JSA All-Stars #11.
I actually didn't notice he had called her that. :) Had you noticed on your own?
Nope, can't claim a badge for it myself. Took me a minute to realize she was remembering the other Superman, honestly. It's hard to keep track of who Power Girl is supposed to be...
But here's one I can try to take credit for---Doom Patrol 15 says that Caulder is leaving Manhattan, heading West...even though there's a big red arrow pointing East from Manhattan on the computer screen.
I'll check that one out. :)
And there's an absolute belter in this week's Adventure Comics #519 courtesy of whoever does captions.
I won't spoil it though...
Thanks, haven't read it yet. Haven't read anything from this week; was busy finishing with last week's stuff.
You know, I read that this morning and
I didn't find anything in that sense...
Darryn, what was wrong with Adventure?
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