Gee, thanks Jonathan Hickman!

... for blowing up Montevideo!


At least it looks like it's not the whole city, if Hickman knows how many people live here (about 1.5 million).

(From The Ultimates V2 #2, September 2011.)

Fastest Man Alive!

The Fastest Man Alive is back with a #1; and it's got a beautiful Francis Manapul cover:


Not only that, he has a pretty girlfriend that, surprisingly, doesn't have huge breasts like most women in comics:


(From The Flash V4 #1, September 2011.)

Spider-Stache, Spider-Stache!

Spider-Man: master in the art of trolling JJJ.


(From The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #670, September 2011.)

Oi, lass!

Aquaman has a British diet:


(From Aquaman V7 #1, September 2011.)

The New Daily Planet

Impressive.


(From Superman V3 #1, September 2011.)

Hard Disk?

Someone tell Marv Wolfman the differences between a CD/DVD and a hard disk.

Ultimate Marvel Moments From July And August

Last stuff I had saved up from when I was still planning on continuing with the column format. These are all Ultimate Marvel moments, three from different issues of Ultimate Fallout, and one from the first issue of the new Ultimates series. First, from Ultimate Fallout #2:

Aunt May slaps Captain America! Whoa! Next, from issue #4 of the same book, our first glimpse of Miles Morales, the new Spidey!


I've already read the first issue of his own comic, and it's good. Now, from the last issue of Fallout, #5, Uruguay!


Uh-oh! Something bad's cooking... and we see how it unfolds in The Ultimates V3 #1:


That's a nuclear bomb going off the coast of Montevideo. Crap.

Laters,
The Dissector

Marvel Moments From July And August

Just a small selection. First up, Tony Stark offers a sacrifice to Odin:


Then, the return of a great action figure model:


JETPACK CYCLOPS! And from the X-Men as well (although all of these were Fear Itself moments); someone takes up a new mantle:


Juggalossus!

DC Moments From July And August

Just catching up a bit, with stuff I saved for the columns for those months, but that won't be coming out. So I selected the best stuff, and I'm sharing them here.

First, the only surprise in Flashpoint... the identity of the Joker.


Then, a new Green Lantern recruit:


Continued in GL #1 in September. Speaking of September and Green Lantern, from the first DCnU book, Justice League, Hal Jordan makes his entrance:


That's what I call making an entrance. And this was the last part of Flashpoint, a very touching scene:

Overriding your superior officers.

So, any Lantern can override an HONOR GUARD Lantern's ring to send him away just with a verbal command? What?!?!?

So RetroActive, their dictionaries are out of date.

Telekinesis! The ability to mentally transmute matter!


Only... that's not what telekinesis means!

The Dissector #200.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

06/01"I came to Gotham as an adult to break the Batman. So I beat him. I did what no other could. Not Luthor, not those loathsome psychopaths in Arkham. And when he was beaten... I snapped his spine over my knee in a joyful sound that I have dreamt of every night since." Bane, Secret Six V3 #34.

06/08"Electro, I always meant to tell you... You were my greatest adversary and it was an honor to battle you. Oh wait. That wasn't you. I barely ever gave you a second's thought." Spider-Man, Ultimate Spider-Man #159.

06/15"Aquaman sinks half of Europe... and he's considered the most dangerous being on the planet. I slaughter half of Africa... and most people don't even know my name. Location, location, location." President Grodd, Flashpoint: Grodd Of War.

06/22"Kraven is about to learn the most important rule of fighting me... if you allow me to strike back, you have already lost." Black Panther, Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #520.

06/29"My plan... is to give the X-Men what they want... more mutants." Scarlet Witch, Avengers: The Children's Crusade #6.

It is with a heavy heart, that I welcome you to the column for the month of June. Heavy heart because this will be the last installment of The Dissector, at least for some time. I'm not killing the column forever, merely placing it in carbonite for a long, undetermined hiatus. You've noticed I haven't posted a column in months, even though I kept on compiling notes for this month, July, and August. When I started reading September's books, I decided it was time to let the column go for now.

Why? Well, as I've said before, I'm very busy with my day job, and now, thankfully, paid writing jobs (did you check out the flash game "Kingdom Rush"? I wrote the texts for that, and I'm working on the sequel already!), and some small, yet promising comic book lettering jobs. On top of that, I'm writing and editing comics in Spanish for the small imprint I'm part of, GAS Comics... and at some point, you'll see them in English as well (like this story I published on Hadron Colliderscope).

I just don't have the time to keep up and write this column as it deserves, but... you know what? I just decided that I'll transform this into a proper blog. I don't want to kill The Dissector, it'll just stop being a column for now, and have occasional blog posts, with a dissection that's just an image and a few lines; or even a cool moment (a la Moments Of The Week). I just can't kill the Dissector... he's stronger than me!!! So that's what it's going to be like: no schedule, no long-winded posts (unless I feel like it), no firm structure, no ratings, etc.

For now, however, enjoy the last column... but stay tuned. Last column's DT! was cracked by Johnny Doe: Alan Scott's power comes from his ring so only his right hand should be glowing. Yeah, the Starheart's power is within him and all that jazz, but still. Now, The Dissector's Picks For Each Week:

Best Book Of The Week of 06/01 was Thunderbolts #168; I'm not a fan of any of the character starring there, yet Jeff Parker makes them engaging. Kev Walker's art (with Frank Martin's colors) give the book a gritty feeling that's fitting for a book starring mostly convicts or ex-convicts. Worst Book that week was the first issue of the new volume of S.H.I.E.L.D.; as much as I love retro super-science (almost technomagic), and Dustin Weaver's art is pretty cool, Hickman's tendency to overcomplicate things just to seem deep makes it a boring read. Maybe that's not Hickman's intention, but it ends up feeling that way to me. Cover Of The Week is this wonderful piece by Sabrina Alberghetti for Chip 'N' Dale #7. I can relate to Monty's love for cheese.

Best Book for 06/08 was the first issue of Mystery Men; Marvel's miniseries introducing pulp-era heroes. As a writer who knows the style, David Liss is perfect for this book, and creates characters that fit the era's stereotypes superbly. Patrick Zircher's art captures the right feel for the 30s; with great color by Andy Troy. Worst Book was Red Robin #24. I have no idea why I was reading this book, it's not bad, but it's definitely not my kind of book... and the art by Marcus To is technically good, but bland. Cover for this week was Joe Jusko's beautiful painting for Warlord Of Mars #7. Jusko captures exactly what this book is about.

Week Of 06/15 has as Best Book Hellblazer #280, Peter Milligan's run keeps delivering, and while guest artist Gael Bertrand's style is not what I'd prefer, it doesn't disappoint. Trish Mulvihill's colors are probably the main reason why I still felt at home with Bertrand's art. Worst Book this week was Teen Titans #96, wake me up when the whole trip to Hindu hell is over. Cover this week was this simple, yet nice circus poster by Cliff Chiang, for issue one of Flashpoint: Deadman And The Flying Graysons.



Best Book for the week of 06/22 is Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #520. This book never ceases to entertain, David Liss' script for is great, and while Jefte Palo is not Francesco Francavilla, his art sure is up to the task. Worst Book was Superman #712. JMS's utterly boring "Superman walks through America" arc is interrupted by a bland fill-in issue starring Krypto, written by Kurt Busiek. It could have been palatable, if it wasn't for the awful art by Rick Leonardi, who can't draw a human being without a face that looks like it belongs to a Dick Tracy villain. Cover for this week is that beautiful piece by Alex Ross for Rocketeer Adventures #2... would make a great poster.

Last week of the month, 06/29, has as Best Book the second to last issue of The Strange Case of Mr. Hyde, issue #3. I can't stress enough how good this book is, and how it'd be a great TPB gift for people that don't usually read comics. Cole Haddon's script is neither pretentious nor silly; finding a perfect middle road to tell this tale; while MS Corley's art excels at evoking Victorian times, while being agreeable to modern artistic sensibilities. Buy the collected edition for someone when it comes out; or go buy the four issues online or from your friendly local comic book store. Worst Book of the week was Flashpoint: Project Superman #1. It wasn't inherently bad, just bland and uninteresting. Cover of the week is Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #11, by Dan Panosian... not a particularly beautiful cover, but definitely one that grabs your attention.

Let's get on with this last column...
<-------------------------------->
"RED THIS COLUMN. OR GREEN IT."

TITLE: The Dissector (Clockwork Chap).

ISSUE: 199.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Sidney noticed that I wrote that I had "red" Action Comics #901. Badge for Sidney... oh, BTW, you can still earn badges come the Dissector's new format, don't fret!

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING."

TITLE: Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (DC).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Rob Leigh (letterer).

DISSECTION: In addition to a character being called a "dignitary" during the whole issue, at one point the dialogues are overflowing the balloons. That's a very glaring lettering mistake.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN?"

TITLE: John Byrne's Next Men (IDW).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).

DISSECTION: Byrne calls one of his characters "Antonio", when her name is "Antonia", being a woman. He also writes "sectretarty" instead of "secretary", and while I don't do typos anymore, these two were pretty glaring.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each. The book also ends without a "to be continued" notice or anything along those lines, making you wonder if your copy is missing a page.
<-------------------------------->
"FOREIGN NAMES!"

TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Artist Carlos Rodríguez is credited as "Rodrîguez"; a last name that doesn't exist. Paying a little attention to names that are foreign to you is just a matter of respect...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LOOK MA! BOTH HANDS!"

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 712.

CULPRIT: Rick Leonardi (penciller).

DISSECTION: For the umpteenth time, a flashback to Superboy's death in Infinite Crisis is shown, and he has both hands.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SNIFFING PIXIE DUST."

TITLE: X-Men: Prelude To Schism (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Will Conrad (penciller) & Lee Loughridge (colorist).

DISSECTION: Regardless of the fact that Namor is wearing his Speedo costume in one page, and then later his current costume; Pixie appears at the end, but she looks nothing like she should. Different wings, different hair, different costume, etc. She looks more like Wasp from The Ultimates.

I still don't understand what this mini was about, really, since it doesn't seem to have anything to do with Schism...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars all around...
<-------------------------------->
Average was 6.4 Bazzars in nine dissections, pretty normal. Now, the Moments Of The Month! From 06/01, Peter Parker geeks out about something more important than anything that's happened in his superhero career:


That's what I like about Dan Slott, he gives Pete his scientific dues (Fred Van Lente does, too). The following week, but from the Ultimate universe, Aunt May shows she's hardcore:


Sadly, she couldn't save Pete. Over at Superman, this is what I meant earlier about Rick Leonardi's art:


Does he think they're all Bizarros? From 06/15, Iron Man's Fear Itself tie-in arc... watch the bottle. Now you see it...


Now you don't, Tony has it! From 06/22, who's able to deflect any insult?


Bladezz! And with just two words... Rocketeer Adventures not only gave us one of the covers of the week, but this moment:


Simply awesome. And to finish this column, a moment from 06/29's "Mr. Hyde":


Accuracy, people, please. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!