Yeah, like that. I just had to post this.
(From Hellblazer #286, December 2011.)
Showing posts with label Hellblazer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hellblazer. Show all posts
Saturday, December 31, 2011
BLOODY HELL!!!
I know I said I had made the last post of the year, but this was too much... How does John Constantine's niece get back at him? How does his father in law get back at him?
Yeah, like that. I just had to post this.
(From Hellblazer #286, December 2011.)
Yeah, like that. I just had to post this.
(From Hellblazer #286, December 2011.)
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Dissector #200.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
06/01"I came to Gotham as an adult to break the Batman. So I beat him. I did what no other could. Not Luthor, not those loathsome psychopaths in Arkham. And when he was beaten... I snapped his spine over my knee in a joyful sound that I have dreamt of every night since." Bane, Secret Six V3 #34.
06/08"Electro, I always meant to tell you... You were my greatest adversary and it was an honor to battle you. Oh wait. That wasn't you. I barely ever gave you a second's thought." Spider-Man, Ultimate Spider-Man #159.
06/15"Aquaman sinks half of Europe... and he's considered the most dangerous being on the planet. I slaughter half of Africa... and most people don't even know my name. Location, location, location." President Grodd, Flashpoint: Grodd Of War.
06/22"Kraven is about to learn the most important rule of fighting me... if you allow me to strike back, you have already lost." Black Panther, Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #520.
06/29"My plan... is to give the X-Men what they want... more mutants." Scarlet Witch, Avengers: The Children's Crusade #6.
It is with a heavy heart, that I welcome you to the column for the month of June. Heavy heart because this will be the last installment of The Dissector, at least for some time. I'm not killing the column forever, merely placing it in carbonite for a long, undetermined hiatus. You've noticed I haven't posted a column in months, even though I kept on compiling notes for this month, July, and August. When I started reading September's books, I decided it was time to let the column go for now.
Why? Well, as I've said before, I'm very busy with my day job, and now, thankfully, paid writing jobs (did you check out the flash game "Kingdom Rush"? I wrote the texts for that, and I'm working on the sequel already!), and some small, yet promising comic book lettering jobs. On top of that, I'm writing and editing comics in Spanish for the small imprint I'm part of, GAS Comics... and at some point, you'll see them in English as well (like this story I published on Hadron Colliderscope).
I just don't have the time to keep up and write this column as it deserves, but... you know what? I just decided that I'll transform this into a proper blog. I don't want to kill The Dissector, it'll just stop being a column for now, and have occasional blog posts, with a dissection that's just an image and a few lines; or even a cool moment (a la Moments Of The Week). I just can't kill the Dissector... he's stronger than me!!! So that's what it's going to be like: no schedule, no long-winded posts (unless I feel like it), no firm structure, no ratings, etc.
For now, however, enjoy the last column... but stay tuned. Last column's DT! was cracked by Johnny Doe: Alan Scott's power comes from his ring so only his right hand should be glowing. Yeah, the Starheart's power is within him and all that jazz, but still. Now, The Dissector's Picks For Each Week:
Best Book Of The Week of 06/01 was Thunderbolts #168; I'm not a fan of any of the character
starring there, yet Jeff Parker makes them engaging. Kev Walker's art (with Frank Martin's colors) give the book a gritty feeling that's fitting for a book starring mostly convicts or ex-convicts. Worst Book that week was the first issue of the new volume of S.H.I.E.L.D.; as much as I love retro super-science (almost technomagic), and Dustin Weaver's art is pretty cool, Hickman's tendency to overcomplicate things just to seem deep makes it a boring read. Maybe that's not Hickman's intention, but it ends up feeling that way to me. Cover Of The Week is this wonderful piece by Sabrina Alberghetti for Chip 'N' Dale #7. I can relate to Monty's love for cheese.
Best Book for 06/08 was the first issue of Mystery Men; Marvel's miniseries introducing pulp-era heroes. As a writer who knows the style, David Liss is perfect for this book, and creates characters that fit the era's stereotypes superbly. Patrick Zircher's art captures the right feel for the 30s; with great color by Andy Troy. Worst Book was Red Robin #24. I have no idea why I was reading this book, it's not bad, but it's definitely not my kind of book... and the art by Marcus To is technically good, but bland. Cover for this week was Joe Jusko's beautiful painting for Warlord Of Mars #7. Jusko captures exactly what this book is about.
Week Of 06/15 has as Best Book Hellblazer #280, Peter Milligan's run keeps delivering,
and while guest artist Gael Bertrand's style is not what I'd prefer, it doesn't disappoint. Trish Mulvihill's colors are probably the main reason why I still felt at home with Bertrand's art. Worst Book this week was Teen Titans #96, wake me up when the whole trip to Hindu hell is over. Cover this week was this simple, yet nice circus poster by Cliff Chiang, for issue one of Flashpoint: Deadman And The Flying Graysons.
Best Book for the week of 06/22 is Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #520.
This book never ceases to entertain, David Liss' script for is great, and while Jefte Palo is not Francesco Francavilla, his art sure is up to the task. Worst Book was Superman #712. JMS's utterly boring "Superman walks through America" arc is interrupted by a bland fill-in issue starring Krypto, written by Kurt Busiek. It could have been palatable, if it wasn't for the awful art by Rick Leonardi, who can't draw a human being without a face that looks like it belongs to a Dick Tracy villain. Cover for this week is that beautiful piece by Alex Ross for Rocketeer Adventures #2... would make a great poster.
Last week of the month, 06/29, has as Best Book the second to last issue of The Strange Case
of Mr. Hyde, issue #3. I can't stress enough how good this book is, and how it'd be a great TPB gift for people that don't usually read comics. Cole Haddon's script is neither pretentious nor silly; finding a perfect middle road to tell this tale; while MS Corley's art excels at evoking Victorian times, while being agreeable to modern artistic sensibilities. Buy the collected edition for someone when it comes out; or go buy the four issues online or from your friendly local comic book store. Worst Book of the week was Flashpoint: Project Superman #1. It wasn't inherently bad, just bland and uninteresting. Cover of the week is Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #11, by Dan Panosian... not a particularly beautiful cover, but definitely one that grabs your attention.
Let's get on with this last column...
<-------------------------------->
"RED THIS COLUMN. OR GREEN IT."
TITLE: The Dissector (Clockwork Chap).
ISSUE: 199.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: Sidney noticed that I wrote that I had "red" Action Comics #901. Badge for Sidney... oh, BTW, you can still earn badges come the Dissector's new format, don't fret!
DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING."
TITLE: Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (DC).
ISSUE: 11.
CULPRIT: Rob Leigh (letterer).
DISSECTION: In addition to a character being called a "dignitary" during the whole issue, at one point the dialogues are overflowing the balloons. That's a very glaring lettering mistake.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN?"
TITLE: John Byrne's Next Men (IDW).
ISSUE: 07.
CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).
DISSECTION: Byrne calls one of his characters "Antonio", when her name is "Antonia", being a woman. He also writes "sectretarty" instead of "secretary", and while I don't do typos anymore, these two were pretty glaring.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each. The book also ends without a "to be continued" notice or anything along those lines, making you wonder if your copy is missing a page.
<-------------------------------->
"FOREIGN NAMES!"
TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel).
ISSUE: 11.
CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer).
DISSECTION: Artist Carlos Rodríguez is credited as "Rodrîguez"; a last name that doesn't exist. Paying a little attention to names that are foreign to you is just a matter of respect...
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LOOK MA! BOTH HANDS!"
TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).
ISSUE: 712.
CULPRIT: Rick Leonardi (penciller).
DISSECTION: For the umpteenth time, a flashback to Superboy's death in Infinite Crisis is shown, and he has both hands.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SNIFFING PIXIE DUST."
TITLE: X-Men: Prelude To Schism (Marvel).
ISSUE: 03 of 04.
CULPRIT: Will Conrad (penciller) & Lee Loughridge (colorist).
DISSECTION: Regardless of the fact that Namor is wearing his Speedo costume in one page, and then later his current costume; Pixie appears at the end, but she looks nothing like she should. Different wings, different hair, different costume, etc. She looks more like Wasp from The Ultimates.
I still don't understand what this mini was about, really, since it doesn't seem to have anything to do with Schism...
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars all around...
<-------------------------------->
Average was 6.4 Bazzars in nine dissections, pretty normal. Now, the Moments Of The Month! From 06/01, Peter Parker geeks out about something more important than anything that's happened in his superhero career:
That's what I like about Dan Slott, he gives Pete his scientific dues (Fred Van Lente does, too). The following week, but from the Ultimate universe, Aunt May shows she's hardcore:
Sadly, she couldn't save Pete. Over at Superman, this is what I meant earlier about Rick Leonardi's art:
Does he think they're all Bizarros? From 06/15, Iron Man's Fear Itself tie-in arc... watch the bottle. Now you see it...
Now you don't, Tony has it! From 06/22, who's able to deflect any insult?
Bladezz! And with just two words... Rocketeer Adventures not only gave us one of the covers of the week, but this moment:
Simply awesome. And to finish this column, a moment from 06/29's "Mr. Hyde":
Accuracy, people, please. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
06/01"I came to Gotham as an adult to break the Batman. So I beat him. I did what no other could. Not Luthor, not those loathsome psychopaths in Arkham. And when he was beaten... I snapped his spine over my knee in a joyful sound that I have dreamt of every night since." Bane, Secret Six V3 #34.
06/08"Electro, I always meant to tell you... You were my greatest adversary and it was an honor to battle you. Oh wait. That wasn't you. I barely ever gave you a second's thought." Spider-Man, Ultimate Spider-Man #159.
06/15"Aquaman sinks half of Europe... and he's considered the most dangerous being on the planet. I slaughter half of Africa... and most people don't even know my name. Location, location, location." President Grodd, Flashpoint: Grodd Of War.
06/22"Kraven is about to learn the most important rule of fighting me... if you allow me to strike back, you have already lost." Black Panther, Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #520.
06/29"My plan... is to give the X-Men what they want... more mutants." Scarlet Witch, Avengers: The Children's Crusade #6.
It is with a heavy heart, that I welcome you to the column for the month of June. Heavy heart because this will be the last installment of The Dissector, at least for some time. I'm not killing the column forever, merely placing it in carbonite for a long, undetermined hiatus. You've noticed I haven't posted a column in months, even though I kept on compiling notes for this month, July, and August. When I started reading September's books, I decided it was time to let the column go for now.
Why? Well, as I've said before, I'm very busy with my day job, and now, thankfully, paid writing jobs (did you check out the flash game "Kingdom Rush"? I wrote the texts for that, and I'm working on the sequel already!), and some small, yet promising comic book lettering jobs. On top of that, I'm writing and editing comics in Spanish for the small imprint I'm part of, GAS Comics... and at some point, you'll see them in English as well (like this story I published on Hadron Colliderscope).
I just don't have the time to keep up and write this column as it deserves, but... you know what? I just decided that I'll transform this into a proper blog. I don't want to kill The Dissector, it'll just stop being a column for now, and have occasional blog posts, with a dissection that's just an image and a few lines; or even a cool moment (a la Moments Of The Week). I just can't kill the Dissector... he's stronger than me!!! So that's what it's going to be like: no schedule, no long-winded posts (unless I feel like it), no firm structure, no ratings, etc.
For now, however, enjoy the last column... but stay tuned. Last column's DT! was cracked by Johnny Doe: Alan Scott's power comes from his ring so only his right hand should be glowing. Yeah, the Starheart's power is within him and all that jazz, but still. Now, The Dissector's Picks For Each Week:
Best Book Of The Week of 06/01 was Thunderbolts #168; I'm not a fan of any of the character
starring there, yet Jeff Parker makes them engaging. Kev Walker's art (with Frank Martin's colors) give the book a gritty feeling that's fitting for a book starring mostly convicts or ex-convicts. Worst Book that week was the first issue of the new volume of S.H.I.E.L.D.; as much as I love retro super-science (almost technomagic), and Dustin Weaver's art is pretty cool, Hickman's tendency to overcomplicate things just to seem deep makes it a boring read. Maybe that's not Hickman's intention, but it ends up feeling that way to me. Cover Of The Week is this wonderful piece by Sabrina Alberghetti for Chip 'N' Dale #7. I can relate to Monty's love for cheese.
Best Book for 06/08 was the first issue of Mystery Men; Marvel's miniseries introducing pulp-era heroes. As a writer who knows the style, David Liss is perfect for this book, and creates characters that fit the era's stereotypes superbly. Patrick Zircher's art captures the right feel for the 30s; with great color by Andy Troy. Worst Book was Red Robin #24. I have no idea why I was reading this book, it's not bad, but it's definitely not my kind of book... and the art by Marcus To is technically good, but bland. Cover for this week was Joe Jusko's beautiful painting for Warlord Of Mars #7. Jusko captures exactly what this book is about.Week Of 06/15 has as Best Book Hellblazer #280, Peter Milligan's run keeps delivering,
and while guest artist Gael Bertrand's style is not what I'd prefer, it doesn't disappoint. Trish Mulvihill's colors are probably the main reason why I still felt at home with Bertrand's art. Worst Book this week was Teen Titans #96, wake me up when the whole trip to Hindu hell is over. Cover this week was this simple, yet nice circus poster by Cliff Chiang, for issue one of Flashpoint: Deadman And The Flying Graysons.Best Book for the week of 06/22 is Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #520.
This book never ceases to entertain, David Liss' script for is great, and while Jefte Palo is not Francesco Francavilla, his art sure is up to the task. Worst Book was Superman #712. JMS's utterly boring "Superman walks through America" arc is interrupted by a bland fill-in issue starring Krypto, written by Kurt Busiek. It could have been palatable, if it wasn't for the awful art by Rick Leonardi, who can't draw a human being without a face that looks like it belongs to a Dick Tracy villain. Cover for this week is that beautiful piece by Alex Ross for Rocketeer Adventures #2... would make a great poster.Last week of the month, 06/29, has as Best Book the second to last issue of The Strange Case
of Mr. Hyde, issue #3. I can't stress enough how good this book is, and how it'd be a great TPB gift for people that don't usually read comics. Cole Haddon's script is neither pretentious nor silly; finding a perfect middle road to tell this tale; while MS Corley's art excels at evoking Victorian times, while being agreeable to modern artistic sensibilities. Buy the collected edition for someone when it comes out; or go buy the four issues online or from your friendly local comic book store. Worst Book of the week was Flashpoint: Project Superman #1. It wasn't inherently bad, just bland and uninteresting. Cover of the week is Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #11, by Dan Panosian... not a particularly beautiful cover, but definitely one that grabs your attention.Let's get on with this last column...
<-------------------------------->
"RED THIS COLUMN. OR GREEN IT."
TITLE: The Dissector (Clockwork Chap).
ISSUE: 199.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: Sidney noticed that I wrote that I had "red" Action Comics #901. Badge for Sidney... oh, BTW, you can still earn badges come the Dissector's new format, don't fret!
DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING."
TITLE: Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (DC).
ISSUE: 11.
CULPRIT: Rob Leigh (letterer).
DISSECTION: In addition to a character being called a "dignitary" during the whole issue, at one point the dialogues are overflowing the balloons. That's a very glaring lettering mistake.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN?"
TITLE: John Byrne's Next Men (IDW).
ISSUE: 07.
CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).
DISSECTION: Byrne calls one of his characters "Antonio", when her name is "Antonia", being a woman. He also writes "sectretarty" instead of "secretary", and while I don't do typos anymore, these two were pretty glaring.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each. The book also ends without a "to be continued" notice or anything along those lines, making you wonder if your copy is missing a page.
<-------------------------------->
"FOREIGN NAMES!"
TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel).
ISSUE: 11.
CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer).
DISSECTION: Artist Carlos Rodríguez is credited as "Rodrîguez"; a last name that doesn't exist. Paying a little attention to names that are foreign to you is just a matter of respect...
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LOOK MA! BOTH HANDS!"
TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).
ISSUE: 712.
CULPRIT: Rick Leonardi (penciller).
DISSECTION: For the umpteenth time, a flashback to Superboy's death in Infinite Crisis is shown, and he has both hands.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SNIFFING PIXIE DUST."
TITLE: X-Men: Prelude To Schism (Marvel).
ISSUE: 03 of 04.
CULPRIT: Will Conrad (penciller) & Lee Loughridge (colorist).
DISSECTION: Regardless of the fact that Namor is wearing his Speedo costume in one page, and then later his current costume; Pixie appears at the end, but she looks nothing like she should. Different wings, different hair, different costume, etc. She looks more like Wasp from The Ultimates.
I still don't understand what this mini was about, really, since it doesn't seem to have anything to do with Schism...
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars all around...
<-------------------------------->
Average was 6.4 Bazzars in nine dissections, pretty normal. Now, the Moments Of The Month! From 06/01, Peter Parker geeks out about something more important than anything that's happened in his superhero career:
That's what I like about Dan Slott, he gives Pete his scientific dues (Fred Van Lente does, too). The following week, but from the Ultimate universe, Aunt May shows she's hardcore:
Sadly, she couldn't save Pete. Over at Superman, this is what I meant earlier about Rick Leonardi's art:
Does he think they're all Bizarros? From 06/15, Iron Man's Fear Itself tie-in arc... watch the bottle. Now you see it...
Now you don't, Tony has it! From 06/22, who's able to deflect any insult?
Bladezz! And with just two words... Rocketeer Adventures not only gave us one of the covers of the week, but this moment:
Simply awesome. And to finish this column, a moment from 06/29's "Mr. Hyde":
Accuracy, people, please. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
Monday, June 13, 2011
The Dissector #198.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
04-06 "(...) that's the great thing about being evil. Good is ever-vigilant because good never knows when evil will strike. Evil, on the other hand, always knows when it's going to strike, so evil can afford to take a couple of days off." Abyss I, Abyss: Family Issues #2.
04-13 "You lack protocol. "Imperius Rex" is generally reserved for before battle is joined." Namor, Uncanny X-Men #535.
04-20 "This has gone on long enough! I've got a reality-devouring elder beast to get to. You, sir, are in the way! En garde!" Darkwing Duck, Darking Duck #11.
04-27 "Getting to kick Logan in the face is definitely silver lining." Spider-Man, X-Men V3 #10.
Trying to get these out of the way so I can regain my regular posting rhythm (although I'm considering going monthly), this is the column for the month of April. On another matter, but still within the subject of change, I've launched Clockwork Chap, my own venture for freelance writing, comic book lettering, sound editing, minor graphic design, etc... Studio Robota is still the label for my projects with my bro Endriago, but since The Dissector is my own baby, it'll be under the banner of Clockwork Chap. So go to Facebook, and like it! Last column's DT! was cracked by Sydney: with Parallax again inside the GL Central Battery, their rings are again ineffective on yellow stuff... so how was Hal carrying Sinestro's ring within an energy globe? But Syd hasn't been reading the GL books, so he just took a guess. Still, he got it right.
Let's go with the Picks for each week. Cover Of The Week of 04-06 was that nice Robotman piece from Doom Patrol #21 by Matthew Clark, Serge Lapointe, and Guy Major. I just liked it. Best Book this week was Uncanny X-Men #534.1, Kieron Gillen's debut as UXM writer is off to a great start, with an excellent showcase for Magneto and why he's with the X-Men. Art by Carlos Pacheco is certainly up to the task, as the veteran artist certainly knows his X-Men. Worst Book was the JLA 80-Page Giant 2011... Adam Glass writes a completely non-compelling tale of several JLA members (and not, since Lobo, Etrigan, and Ragman are there, for example) wading through different circles of infernal punishment in one of those Satanus-Blaze-whoever bi-monthly-fight-for-control of-whatever-passes-for-some-version-of-Hell but-is-not-actually-Hell comics; and it doesn't even make sense, since while I can see how Oracle and Booster Gold can be in the "gluttony" circle, since one craves information and the other fame and glory; but why are Supergirl and Wonder Woman in the "lust" one? Or Zatanna and John Stewart in "treachery"? Not to mention the bland and inconstant art by Scott McDaniel, with inexpressive faces, weird poses, detail-light group shots where characters wear costumes belonging to others or Batman wears long shorts over his tights; and having Zatanna look Asian or Supergirl look like a forty-year old Bette Middler... add to that lettering, continuity, and coloring mistakes (which don't make the column now, but do detract from quality), and I wonder how editors greenlight these things. Best Book for the 
Week of 04/13 was Black Panther: Man Without Fear #517, David Liss tells a fast-paced, yet very detailed urban vigilante story, with relatable characters. Not to mention Francesco Francavilla's pulp-styled art, which I'll certainly miss from Liss's upcoming continuation series, Black Panther: The Most Dangerous Man Alive. Worst Book was Secret Warriors #26... for the last fifteen issues this books has been the perfect example of a book where a lot happens, yet nothing is really happening. Writer Jonathan Hickman weaves interesting conspiracies and comes up with fun pseudoscientific concepts, but in Secret Warriors, as well as in S.H.I.E.L.D., nothing actually happens, nothing at least that couldn't be told in a quarter of the pages used. Fantastic Four and now FF are not far behind in this style of Hickman's, but at least there I care about the characters. But back to Secret Warriors, Alessandro Vitti's art is not bad, not at all, but it does nothing for me. Mike Del Mundo draws this Hollywood Thor variant cover for Uncanny X-Force #7, which I liked over the rest of the covers that week.
Cover for the Week of 04/20 was this nice Hellblazer #278 by Simon Bisley... while I don't care much for the thicker, rougher face he's giving Constantine these days, this cover is the perfect amalgam of magic and grit that a Hellblazer book should have. Best Book for this week was X-Factor #219, just like the month before, Peter David and Emanuela Lupacchino headline a creative team that weave a series where a lot is happening all the time, yet you don't feel lost; and there's a good balance of action and character development/interaction. Worst Book of the Week is Avengers #12... just can't find what's good about this story arc. It's not that Bendis' writing being decompressed; one should expect that from him, but it's just not enjoyable this time around. And Romita's art is weak, uninspired, taking the blockiness and thick lines that are part of his trademark to an extreme where it's unappealing. Best Book of the week of 04/27 was Star Wars: Legacy - War #5, the end of the miniseries. Again, a bit rushed, but it was still very enjoyable, and it leaves you wanting more of this Star Wars era. Worst book this 
week was Justice Society of America #50. Too much of a jumble of new characters (both new to the book and new in general) that haven't gotten enough time, making you feel as if a couple of dozen pages of story between the last couple of issues and this one has been edited out. Cover for the week is from Warlord Of Mars #6, again by Joe Jusko. He paints a beautiful and alluring, yet obviously exotic woman.
And now, the dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"SCIENCE IN ACTION."
TITLE: Action Comics (DC).
ISSUE: 900.
CULPRIT: Paul Cornell (writer).
DISSECTION: This might look like one of the minor mistakes I might have to keep out of the new column format... but calling "nanobots" "nanobytes" is something that I can't condone.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CLASSIFIED."
TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 327.
CULPRIT: David Michelinie (writer).
DISSECTION: From my Vault, and 1989 comes an issue from the Acts Of Vengeance crossover... Magneto lands in Central Park, and a New Yorker mocks him with a "Halloween ain't for two weeks!". Well, I might concede that back then, Magneto wasn't as well known to the general public as he is now... but how many times has New York been invaded by supervillains? And you're gonna mock some guy in costume? He flies and wears a suit of armor, actually, and you mock him?
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FLASH SURPRISE."
TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 10.
CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).
DISSECTION: Barry Allen, the fastest man alive, the man who's lived in the future, fought mythological gods and space aliens, met his comic book hero after who he called himself the Flash, and has more than likely seen a lot of things, including parallel world versions of himself... finds it strange to meet a future or parallel version of himself?
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Please!
<-------------------------------->
"CLASSIFIED."
TITLE: JLA Classified (DC).
ISSUE: 30.
CULPRIT: Kilian Plunkett (artist).
DISSECTION: From 2006 comes this DT!, check it out:
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Seeing that I had to fish in the Vault, and what I have filed for May, and for the two weeks of June already gone by, I'm going to have to do one more change to the column: it's going to be monthly now. I hope you'll still enjoy it, and I'm certain I'll be able to keep up. This column's average was 7 Bazzars in four dissections. Four! Yeah, monthly is the way to go.
Now, the Moments for each week... From 04/06, Vader shows us his dance moves:
Well, he's actually jumping off of a landed shuttle, but it's not the best depiction of that kind of movement. Next, from the best book of the week, Magneto saves San Francisco:
I know it looks like he's actually attacking it, but trust me, he's saving people. From 04/13, only one moment... the true purpose of the Colossus of Rhodes:
Fighting giant robots and monsters! Now, speaking of giant robots, and from 04/20, Darkwing Duck knows how to fight them too:
Of course, you fence with them using petrified spies! And for the end of this column, three moments from 04/27. First, who's back in the DCU?
John Constantine. You don't wanna be his friend, trust me. Then, both Booster and Beetle set Max Lord and his OMAC straight:
Give 'em hell, boys! And last, how do you make the Planet of the Apes?
You give the apes some zeppelins! Yeah! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
PS: You can still get in your votes for the Autopsy Awards.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
04-06 "(...) that's the great thing about being evil. Good is ever-vigilant because good never knows when evil will strike. Evil, on the other hand, always knows when it's going to strike, so evil can afford to take a couple of days off." Abyss I, Abyss: Family Issues #2.
04-13 "You lack protocol. "Imperius Rex" is generally reserved for before battle is joined." Namor, Uncanny X-Men #535.
04-20 "This has gone on long enough! I've got a reality-devouring elder beast to get to. You, sir, are in the way! En garde!" Darkwing Duck, Darking Duck #11.
04-27 "Getting to kick Logan in the face is definitely silver lining." Spider-Man, X-Men V3 #10.
Trying to get these out of the way so I can regain my regular posting rhythm (although I'm considering going monthly), this is the column for the month of April. On another matter, but still within the subject of change, I've launched Clockwork Chap, my own venture for freelance writing, comic book lettering, sound editing, minor graphic design, etc... Studio Robota is still the label for my projects with my bro Endriago, but since The Dissector is my own baby, it'll be under the banner of Clockwork Chap. So go to Facebook, and like it! Last column's DT! was cracked by Sydney: with Parallax again inside the GL Central Battery, their rings are again ineffective on yellow stuff... so how was Hal carrying Sinestro's ring within an energy globe? But Syd hasn't been reading the GL books, so he just took a guess. Still, he got it right.
Let's go with the Picks for each week. Cover Of The Week of 04-06 was that nice Robotman piece from Doom Patrol #21 by Matthew Clark, Serge Lapointe, and Guy Major. I just liked it. Best Book this week was Uncanny X-Men #534.1, Kieron Gillen's debut as UXM writer is off to a great start, with an excellent showcase for Magneto and why he's with the X-Men. Art by Carlos Pacheco is certainly up to the task, as the veteran artist certainly knows his X-Men. Worst Book was the JLA 80-Page Giant 2011... Adam Glass writes a completely non-compelling tale of several JLA members (and not, since Lobo, Etrigan, and Ragman are there, for example) wading through different circles of infernal punishment in one of those Satanus-Blaze-whoever bi-monthly-fight-for-control of-whatever-passes-for-some-version-of-Hell but-is-not-actually-Hell comics; and it doesn't even make sense, since while I can see how Oracle and Booster Gold can be in the "gluttony" circle, since one craves information and the other fame and glory; but why are Supergirl and Wonder Woman in the "lust" one? Or Zatanna and John Stewart in "treachery"? Not to mention the bland and inconstant art by Scott McDaniel, with inexpressive faces, weird poses, detail-light group shots where characters wear costumes belonging to others or Batman wears long shorts over his tights; and having Zatanna look Asian or Supergirl look like a forty-year old Bette Middler... add to that lettering, continuity, and coloring mistakes (which don't make the column now, but do detract from quality), and I wonder how editors greenlight these things. Best Book for the 
Week of 04/13 was Black Panther: Man Without Fear #517, David Liss tells a fast-paced, yet very detailed urban vigilante story, with relatable characters. Not to mention Francesco Francavilla's pulp-styled art, which I'll certainly miss from Liss's upcoming continuation series, Black Panther: The Most Dangerous Man Alive. Worst Book was Secret Warriors #26... for the last fifteen issues this books has been the perfect example of a book where a lot happens, yet nothing is really happening. Writer Jonathan Hickman weaves interesting conspiracies and comes up with fun pseudoscientific concepts, but in Secret Warriors, as well as in S.H.I.E.L.D., nothing actually happens, nothing at least that couldn't be told in a quarter of the pages used. Fantastic Four and now FF are not far behind in this style of Hickman's, but at least there I care about the characters. But back to Secret Warriors, Alessandro Vitti's art is not bad, not at all, but it does nothing for me. Mike Del Mundo draws this Hollywood Thor variant cover for Uncanny X-Force #7, which I liked over the rest of the covers that week.
Cover for the Week of 04/20 was this nice Hellblazer #278 by Simon Bisley... while I don't care much for the thicker, rougher face he's giving Constantine these days, this cover is the perfect amalgam of magic and grit that a Hellblazer book should have. Best Book for this week was X-Factor #219, just like the month before, Peter David and Emanuela Lupacchino headline a creative team that weave a series where a lot is happening all the time, yet you don't feel lost; and there's a good balance of action and character development/interaction. Worst Book of the Week is Avengers #12... just can't find what's good about this story arc. It's not that Bendis' writing being decompressed; one should expect that from him, but it's just not enjoyable this time around. And Romita's art is weak, uninspired, taking the blockiness and thick lines that are part of his trademark to an extreme where it's unappealing. Best Book of the week of 04/27 was Star Wars: Legacy - War #5, the end of the miniseries. Again, a bit rushed, but it was still very enjoyable, and it leaves you wanting more of this Star Wars era. Worst book this 
week was Justice Society of America #50. Too much of a jumble of new characters (both new to the book and new in general) that haven't gotten enough time, making you feel as if a couple of dozen pages of story between the last couple of issues and this one has been edited out. Cover for the week is from Warlord Of Mars #6, again by Joe Jusko. He paints a beautiful and alluring, yet obviously exotic woman.And now, the dissections!
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"SCIENCE IN ACTION."
TITLE: Action Comics (DC).
ISSUE: 900.
CULPRIT: Paul Cornell (writer).
DISSECTION: This might look like one of the minor mistakes I might have to keep out of the new column format... but calling "nanobots" "nanobytes" is something that I can't condone.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"CLASSIFIED."
TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 327.
CULPRIT: David Michelinie (writer).
DISSECTION: From my Vault, and 1989 comes an issue from the Acts Of Vengeance crossover... Magneto lands in Central Park, and a New Yorker mocks him with a "Halloween ain't for two weeks!". Well, I might concede that back then, Magneto wasn't as well known to the general public as he is now... but how many times has New York been invaded by supervillains? And you're gonna mock some guy in costume? He flies and wears a suit of armor, actually, and you mock him?
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"FLASH SURPRISE."
TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 10.
CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).
DISSECTION: Barry Allen, the fastest man alive, the man who's lived in the future, fought mythological gods and space aliens, met his comic book hero after who he called himself the Flash, and has more than likely seen a lot of things, including parallel world versions of himself... finds it strange to meet a future or parallel version of himself?
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Please!
<-------------------------------->
"CLASSIFIED."
TITLE: JLA Classified (DC).
ISSUE: 30.
CULPRIT: Kilian Plunkett (artist).
DISSECTION: From 2006 comes this DT!, check it out:
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Seeing that I had to fish in the Vault, and what I have filed for May, and for the two weeks of June already gone by, I'm going to have to do one more change to the column: it's going to be monthly now. I hope you'll still enjoy it, and I'm certain I'll be able to keep up. This column's average was 7 Bazzars in four dissections. Four! Yeah, monthly is the way to go.
Now, the Moments for each week... From 04/06, Vader shows us his dance moves:
Well, he's actually jumping off of a landed shuttle, but it's not the best depiction of that kind of movement. Next, from the best book of the week, Magneto saves San Francisco:
I know it looks like he's actually attacking it, but trust me, he's saving people. From 04/13, only one moment... the true purpose of the Colossus of Rhodes:
Fighting giant robots and monsters! Now, speaking of giant robots, and from 04/20, Darkwing Duck knows how to fight them too:
Of course, you fence with them using petrified spies! And for the end of this column, three moments from 04/27. First, who's back in the DCU?
John Constantine. You don't wanna be his friend, trust me. Then, both Booster and Beetle set Max Lord and his OMAC straight:
Give 'em hell, boys! And last, how do you make the Planet of the Apes?
You give the apes some zeppelins! Yeah! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
PS: You can still get in your votes for the Autopsy Awards.
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
The Dissector #196.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
02/09 "Lightning guns! I shoot those all the time. Sometimes they don't even explode." Atomic Robo, Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art of Science #3.
02/16 "The real John Constantine is a stranger to me. He's a shadow at the end of the street, a pale face at the window. The real John Constantine scares the fucking shit out of me because I've seen what he's capable of." John Constantine, Hellblazer #276.
02/23 "Genius is often little more than the ability to see connections no one else can." Nikola Tesla, Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art of Science #4.
Yeah, I'm late, and still behind. Move along. Still time to vote on the Autopsy Awards, and you can become a fan of the column in the Facebook page. Last column's DT! was cracked by JohnnyDoe, who correctly pointed out that the TARDIS' exterior was too large. One more badge and you make Captain!
The Dissector's Picks Of Week 02/09 are the following: Best Book Of The Week was Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art of Science #3; whenever there's an Atomic Robo book out, it's hard not to choose it as the best book. It's fun, it's witty, it's well written... and it's pulp! Worst Book Of The Week was Superman #708. The art by Eddy Barrows (inks by Mater and Ferreira), and colors by Rod Reis weren’t as bad as previous installment... but the story, man, the story... Chris Roberson does his best to script the JMS train wreck that wastes one issue of the already boring "Superman walks around the USA" arc ramming new/old/different Wonder Woman down our throats. Gawd... Cover Of The Week, by Bill Sienkiewicz, was the only redeeming feature of DC Universe: Legacies #9.
Week 02/16's Best Book was Hellblazer #276. It's no surprise that Peter Milligan understands Hellblazer, and while it's no old school mid-to-late 90s Constantine, it's still good old British blue-collar magic entertainment. Simon Bisley's art, with Brian Buccellato's colors, gives us that make me think of New Wave and Punk album covers and posters. Worst Book was Superman/Batman #81. Remember when this book was good? Cover Of The Week is by Gerald Parel and Dustin Weaver, from S.H.I.E.L.D. #6. The book might be a weird science, revisionist history, look-there-is-Tesla-and-Newton-and-Leonardo-and-Galileo orgy, and it's just a tad short of being unreadable, plot-wise... but it's quite nice, visually.
On week 02/23, I couldn't pick Atomic Robo as best book, because Detective Comics #874 was very good. Scott Snyder wrote an actual detective story (starring Commissioner Gordon), and Francesco Francavilla's full art is just perfect for the tale. Namor: The First Mutant #7 was the Worst Book this week... wake me up when the wandering-through-a-hell-dimension snorefest ends, yes? I want to see underwater battles. Cover Of The Week is from Detective Comics #874, also by Francesco Francavilla. And The Rundown is too long, so it was posted previously. Click on that link to see it; if I included it here it would take up too much space.
<-------------------------------->
"RED SCARE."
TITLE: Black Terror (Dynamite).
ISSUE: 11-13.
CULPRIT: Adriano Lucas and Vinicius Andrade (colorists).
DISSECTION: Sidney tells us that a character in Black Terror was miscolored for several issues; in "(...) Black Terror #14, it was shown that the lower part of her face, below the line, was colored red, which means that she had been miscolored before."
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars, and a badge for Sidney; who's one badge away from making Commander.
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"NITBUSTER."
TITLE: Blockbusters Of The Marvel Universe (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen and Mike O'Sullivan (head writers/coordinators), unspecified writers, one colorist.
DISSECTION: Too many errors to list (ten in total), not as bad as usual, but still... a Marvel handbook. I wasn't even going to give this an entry, it was going to be part of the Rundown; but Sidney sent in two of them, so he gets two badges. Congratulations, Sidney, you've been promoted to Commander!
DISSECT-O-METER: Blanket rating of 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"COLOR ME WRONG."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 195.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: JohnnyDoe was busy, and gets another badge for pointing out that I had credited John Ridgway as a colorist, and he's a penciller. Congratulations, Captain JohnnyDoe.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. it's made worse because it was a DT!, not a regular dissection.
<-------------------------------->
"FLASH NAME DANCE."
TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 09.
CULPRIT: Adam Schlagman & Eddie Berganza (editors).
DISSECTION: Sidney gets another badge by telling us the following "The second mistake comes from Flash #9. Richard Zajac did the inking for the issue, but the book switched editors in the middle of production, and the new editor, Adam Schlagman, forgot to credit him. I know this because Richard works at the local comic store."
Sidney, tell Richard I say hi.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IS THAT A LANTERN IN YOUR POCKET, OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?"
TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).
ISSUE: 62.
CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).
DISSECTION: Let's not talk about how the badges and rings are the wrong shape, or even change shapes within the same issue. So... remember how I've complained about the "ring... charge... low..." plot device being used too often? How they make a point of showing how when they're in a fight, Green Lanterns don't have their power battery handy to recharge... even though recharging takes a second (they don't actually have to say the oath)?
Traditionally, Green Lanterns have carried their power battery stored inside their ring; since there was always a pocket dimension inside it. Since the Corps came back in force, lead by Geoff Johns creative-wise, they complain about not being able to recharge every now and then. And guess what? In this issue, they talk about the pocket dimension all lantern corps use, and Krona says he discovered it.
You can't keep using the not-able-to-recharge plot device, Geoff and team.
DISSECT-O-METER: N/A, since this is the correct usage. There are, however, numerous art dissections.
<-------------------------------->
"IDES OF DICTIONARY."
TITLE: Ides Of Blood (DC/Wildstorm).
ISSUE: 06 of 06.
CULPRIT: Stuart C. Paul (writer).
DISSECTION: "Proscribing" is forbidding, not mandating.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WE'VE GOT OUR TOP ANALYSTS WORKING ON THIS!"
TITLE: Iron Man 2.0 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Nick Spencer (writer).
DISSECTION: Iron Man 2.0? Oh, yes, because it's not enough to be "the black Iron Man", now War Machine doesn't even have a book to his name? Now, on to the dissections... the plot goes like this: a scientist/engineer in a top level US military think-tank dies, and suddenly, his inventions show up in the hands of terrorists. But he could have never gotten his designs out of the think-tank because it's got very tight security, and no communications to the outside are allowed.
His scant personal belongings are in a box, and a team of analysts is going through them... but they find no clue. Prominent in a panel is his organ donor card... and nobody thought of checking where his organs went... and how in places where they ended up in transplant recipients, large quantities of materials needed to build his projects are being purchased. Come on, Spencer, in the Marvel Universe, one of several important things you'd look for would be some sort of DNA/organic computer storage in his organs! COME ON!!!
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SCHEDULED SCANS."
TITLE: Iron Man 2.0 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Nick Spencer (writer).
DISSECTION: Oh, it doesn't end there. War Machine is going through the case with the analysts, and asks if the guy could have been a mutant. Of course he couldn't, the analysts answer, because the Feds seize Cerebro four times a year and do a sweep". Yes, right. The X-Men will allow the government to walk in and do a mutant search four times a year. As if. Haven't you read the countless stories where this exact kind of thing is opposed by the X-Men? Strongly opposed?
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. And to boot, pulling a badly-written-Batman, War Machine asks if there was a chance of the guy becoming a ghost, and says he's asking something stupid. Really, when you've fought side by side with Thor, are in a team with Valkyrie, and have faced the supernatural every other week? Please. On top of that, the "War Machine Saga" section at the end of the book refers to "Stark's recent decision" to stop manufacturing weapons. Yeah, recent as of his most earliest appearances as a comic book character...
<-------------------------------->
"FADED LEGACY."
TITLE: Iron Man Legacy (Marvel).
ISSUE: 11.
CULPRIT: Damien Lucchese (production), and/or Ralph Macchio (editor) & Charlie Beckerman (assistant editor), and web content employees.
DISSECTION: Marvel Comics includes no creator credits in this issue, except for last name of writer, artist, inker and colorist on the cover... and to make it worse, on the Marvel website credits Tim Bradstreet as writer, penciller, inker, colorist and letterer (Make sure you click on Stories/Iron Man Legacy on the middle of the webpage to see the Bradstreet credits). Tim, you're pulling full duty, and people like Fred Van Lente take the credit! :) (J/K, BTW)
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Tony Stark's eyes are colored brown, and there's an accented letter that's smaller than it should.
<-------------------------------->
"99 DISSECTIONS AND THIS IS ONE."
TITLE: Justice League Of America/The 99 (DC/Teshkeel).
ISSUE: 05 of 06.
CULPRIT: Fabian Nicieza & Stuart Moore (writers) and/or Tom Derenick (penciller).
DISSECTION: Check this scene out, tell me what you can find... keep in mind that it's something that might be blamed on both writers and penciller, or either... so it's not a badly drawn character, or a spelling error, to name a couple of options that are out.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Wonder Woman's costume is drawn with some weird shoulder pads, on another note.
<-------------------------------->
"OH, BROTHER!"
TITLE: Official Handbook Of The Marvel Universe A To Z Update (Marvel).
ISSUE: 05.
CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen and/or Mike O'Sullivan (head writers/coordinators).
DISSECTION: I know this happens in other types of fiction, and in similar ways, but I'm "worried" about it superhero comics, and in a specific kind of situation. I'm not talking about how the characters themselves will perceive these relations, but more from a detached point of view. What am I talking about? Genetically-engineered "siblings".
I'm not talking about clones (an exact copy of a person), but of similar creations. In particular, this question arose from the Marvel character Lyra, who was created by splicing DNA from Thundra and Hulk. While the final result might be similar to what is achieved through in-vitro fertilization; she's not precisely created by fertilizing one of Thundra's eggs with one of Hulk's sperm.
However, Marvel's character profile handbooks, in the usual "known relatives" or "relatives" section lists Hulk as her "father", and Hulk's children Skaar and Hiro-Kala (which he conceived naturally with Caiera) as her "half-brothers", and so on.
Now, I understand the biological reasoning behind considering those relations the same as the ones in a "traditional" family, or even considering people conceived by artificial insemination (if my father donated sperm and I found out I have a sibling from a woman he never even met)... but shouldn't an character profile (which is supposed to be informative) list those relatives with terms such as "genetic father" or "genetic half-brother"? They do list other characters in her extended family with terms such as "step-mother", and in other profiles they use specific designations for adoptive siblings and parents... why not for these relations?
So, while I can't consider branding these characters as "sister" or brother", I can consider an error to make distinctions when it comes to step relations or adoptive relations, but not for this kind of relations.
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SMOKING."
TITLE: Official Handbook Of The Marvel Universe A To Z Update (Marvel).
ISSUE: 05.
CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen and/or Mike O'Sullivan (head writers/coordinators).
DISSECTION: Mesmero's said to occasionally smoke tobacco, which is something that apparently, needs to be listed in the "abilities/accessories" section of his profile... ???
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"MANY CRISES..."
TITLE: Power Girl V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 21.
CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).
DISSECTION: The search for missing Kryptonite from before Infinite Crisis called by Ted Kord is shown as "years ago, many crises yet to be faced"... given the kind of timeline in DC comics, even taking into account the "52" year; it can't be that many years ago, it could be as much as three, four stretching it. Yes, they don't use the word "many", but that kind of sentence is meant to be used for something that was a long time ago; and the "many crises" is also a hyperbole.
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, the new Rocket Red's hair should be blond, but it's colored brown, and Bruce Wayne's Batman belt is wrong.
<-------------------------------->
One hundred and three dissections, with an average of 7.7 Bazzars. Wow. Our last high rating was a 7.6 a couple of years ago, and our highest one was 8.1 in column #20. Let's get the Moments Of The Week(s) done with and end this column. From 02/09, Atomic Robo gets his first kiss (back in 1930):
Hmm... metallic tasting! Of course, after learning that his little robot is having a romantic dalliance, Tesla wants to have "the talk" with him:
I laughed out loud. Now, one Moment from 02/16... what will rise in Darwking Duck?
DUCKTHULU!!! And now a few from 02/23, first, Hogun the grim hails a train:
... stops it, more like it. Then, more Robo romantic moments:
That's what happens when you date a robot. Next, what's a good outfit to wear to a funeral? Let's ask Storm, shall we?
Wow, in perfect taste! And from Star Wars: Legacy: Wars...
IT'S TRAP!!! OR MORE THAN ONE!!! And last, what does Dazzler do best?
DISCO, BABY, DISCO! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
02/09 "Lightning guns! I shoot those all the time. Sometimes they don't even explode." Atomic Robo, Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art of Science #3.
02/16 "The real John Constantine is a stranger to me. He's a shadow at the end of the street, a pale face at the window. The real John Constantine scares the fucking shit out of me because I've seen what he's capable of." John Constantine, Hellblazer #276.
02/23 "Genius is often little more than the ability to see connections no one else can." Nikola Tesla, Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art of Science #4.
Yeah, I'm late, and still behind. Move along. Still time to vote on the Autopsy Awards, and you can become a fan of the column in the Facebook page. Last column's DT! was cracked by JohnnyDoe, who correctly pointed out that the TARDIS' exterior was too large. One more badge and you make Captain!
The Dissector's Picks Of Week 02/09 are the following: Best Book Of The Week was Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art of Science #3; whenever there's an Atomic Robo book out, it's hard not to choose it as the best book. It's fun, it's witty, it's well written... and it's pulp! Worst Book Of The Week was Superman #708. The art by Eddy Barrows (inks by Mater and Ferreira), and colors by Rod Reis weren’t as bad as previous installment... but the story, man, the story... Chris Roberson does his best to script the JMS train wreck that wastes one issue of the already boring "Superman walks around the USA" arc ramming new/old/different Wonder Woman down our throats. Gawd... Cover Of The Week, by Bill Sienkiewicz, was the only redeeming feature of DC Universe: Legacies #9.
Week 02/16's Best Book was Hellblazer #276. It's no surprise that Peter Milligan understands Hellblazer, and while it's no old school mid-to-late 90s Constantine, it's still good old British blue-collar magic entertainment. Simon Bisley's art, with Brian Buccellato's colors, gives us that make me think of New Wave and Punk album covers and posters. Worst Book was Superman/Batman #81. Remember when this book was good? Cover Of The Week is by Gerald Parel and Dustin Weaver, from S.H.I.E.L.D. #6. The book might be a weird science, revisionist history, look-there-is-Tesla-and-Newton-and-Leonardo-and-Galileo orgy, and it's just a tad short of being unreadable, plot-wise... but it's quite nice, visually.
On week 02/23, I couldn't pick Atomic Robo as best book, because Detective Comics #874 was very good. Scott Snyder wrote an actual detective story (starring Commissioner Gordon), and Francesco Francavilla's full art is just perfect for the tale. Namor: The First Mutant #7 was the Worst Book this week... wake me up when the wandering-through-a-hell-dimension snorefest ends, yes? I want to see underwater battles. Cover Of The Week is from Detective Comics #874, also by Francesco Francavilla. And The Rundown is too long, so it was posted previously. Click on that link to see it; if I included it here it would take up too much space.<-------------------------------->
"RED SCARE."
TITLE: Black Terror (Dynamite).
ISSUE: 11-13.
CULPRIT: Adriano Lucas and Vinicius Andrade (colorists).
DISSECTION: Sidney tells us that a character in Black Terror was miscolored for several issues; in "(...) Black Terror #14, it was shown that the lower part of her face, below the line, was colored red, which means that she had been miscolored before."
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars, and a badge for Sidney; who's one badge away from making Commander.
<-------------------------------->
"NITBUSTER."
TITLE: Blockbusters Of The Marvel Universe (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen and Mike O'Sullivan (head writers/coordinators), unspecified writers, one colorist.
DISSECTION: Too many errors to list (ten in total), not as bad as usual, but still... a Marvel handbook. I wasn't even going to give this an entry, it was going to be part of the Rundown; but Sidney sent in two of them, so he gets two badges. Congratulations, Sidney, you've been promoted to Commander!
DISSECT-O-METER: Blanket rating of 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"COLOR ME WRONG."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 195.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: JohnnyDoe was busy, and gets another badge for pointing out that I had credited John Ridgway as a colorist, and he's a penciller. Congratulations, Captain JohnnyDoe.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. it's made worse because it was a DT!, not a regular dissection.
<-------------------------------->
"FLASH NAME DANCE."
TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 09.
CULPRIT: Adam Schlagman & Eddie Berganza (editors).
DISSECTION: Sidney gets another badge by telling us the following "The second mistake comes from Flash #9. Richard Zajac did the inking for the issue, but the book switched editors in the middle of production, and the new editor, Adam Schlagman, forgot to credit him. I know this because Richard works at the local comic store."
Sidney, tell Richard I say hi.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IS THAT A LANTERN IN YOUR POCKET, OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?"
TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).
ISSUE: 62.
CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).
DISSECTION: Let's not talk about how the badges and rings are the wrong shape, or even change shapes within the same issue. So... remember how I've complained about the "ring... charge... low..." plot device being used too often? How they make a point of showing how when they're in a fight, Green Lanterns don't have their power battery handy to recharge... even though recharging takes a second (they don't actually have to say the oath)?
Traditionally, Green Lanterns have carried their power battery stored inside their ring; since there was always a pocket dimension inside it. Since the Corps came back in force, lead by Geoff Johns creative-wise, they complain about not being able to recharge every now and then. And guess what? In this issue, they talk about the pocket dimension all lantern corps use, and Krona says he discovered it.
You can't keep using the not-able-to-recharge plot device, Geoff and team.
DISSECT-O-METER: N/A, since this is the correct usage. There are, however, numerous art dissections.
<-------------------------------->
"IDES OF DICTIONARY."
TITLE: Ides Of Blood (DC/Wildstorm).
ISSUE: 06 of 06.
CULPRIT: Stuart C. Paul (writer).
DISSECTION: "Proscribing" is forbidding, not mandating.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WE'VE GOT OUR TOP ANALYSTS WORKING ON THIS!"
TITLE: Iron Man 2.0 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Nick Spencer (writer).
DISSECTION: Iron Man 2.0? Oh, yes, because it's not enough to be "the black Iron Man", now War Machine doesn't even have a book to his name? Now, on to the dissections... the plot goes like this: a scientist/engineer in a top level US military think-tank dies, and suddenly, his inventions show up in the hands of terrorists. But he could have never gotten his designs out of the think-tank because it's got very tight security, and no communications to the outside are allowed.
His scant personal belongings are in a box, and a team of analysts is going through them... but they find no clue. Prominent in a panel is his organ donor card... and nobody thought of checking where his organs went... and how in places where they ended up in transplant recipients, large quantities of materials needed to build his projects are being purchased. Come on, Spencer, in the Marvel Universe, one of several important things you'd look for would be some sort of DNA/organic computer storage in his organs! COME ON!!!
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SCHEDULED SCANS."
TITLE: Iron Man 2.0 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Nick Spencer (writer).
DISSECTION: Oh, it doesn't end there. War Machine is going through the case with the analysts, and asks if the guy could have been a mutant. Of course he couldn't, the analysts answer, because the Feds seize Cerebro four times a year and do a sweep". Yes, right. The X-Men will allow the government to walk in and do a mutant search four times a year. As if. Haven't you read the countless stories where this exact kind of thing is opposed by the X-Men? Strongly opposed?
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. And to boot, pulling a badly-written-Batman, War Machine asks if there was a chance of the guy becoming a ghost, and says he's asking something stupid. Really, when you've fought side by side with Thor, are in a team with Valkyrie, and have faced the supernatural every other week? Please. On top of that, the "War Machine Saga" section at the end of the book refers to "Stark's recent decision" to stop manufacturing weapons. Yeah, recent as of his most earliest appearances as a comic book character...
<-------------------------------->
"FADED LEGACY."
TITLE: Iron Man Legacy (Marvel).
ISSUE: 11.
CULPRIT: Damien Lucchese (production), and/or Ralph Macchio (editor) & Charlie Beckerman (assistant editor), and web content employees.
DISSECTION: Marvel Comics includes no creator credits in this issue, except for last name of writer, artist, inker and colorist on the cover... and to make it worse, on the Marvel website credits Tim Bradstreet as writer, penciller, inker, colorist and letterer (Make sure you click on Stories/Iron Man Legacy on the middle of the webpage to see the Bradstreet credits). Tim, you're pulling full duty, and people like Fred Van Lente take the credit! :) (J/K, BTW)
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Tony Stark's eyes are colored brown, and there's an accented letter that's smaller than it should.
<-------------------------------->
"99 DISSECTIONS AND THIS IS ONE."
TITLE: Justice League Of America/The 99 (DC/Teshkeel).
ISSUE: 05 of 06.
CULPRIT: Fabian Nicieza & Stuart Moore (writers) and/or Tom Derenick (penciller).
DISSECTION: Check this scene out, tell me what you can find... keep in mind that it's something that might be blamed on both writers and penciller, or either... so it's not a badly drawn character, or a spelling error, to name a couple of options that are out.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Wonder Woman's costume is drawn with some weird shoulder pads, on another note.
<-------------------------------->
"OH, BROTHER!"
TITLE: Official Handbook Of The Marvel Universe A To Z Update (Marvel).
ISSUE: 05.
CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen and/or Mike O'Sullivan (head writers/coordinators).
DISSECTION: I know this happens in other types of fiction, and in similar ways, but I'm "worried" about it superhero comics, and in a specific kind of situation. I'm not talking about how the characters themselves will perceive these relations, but more from a detached point of view. What am I talking about? Genetically-engineered "siblings".
I'm not talking about clones (an exact copy of a person), but of similar creations. In particular, this question arose from the Marvel character Lyra, who was created by splicing DNA from Thundra and Hulk. While the final result might be similar to what is achieved through in-vitro fertilization; she's not precisely created by fertilizing one of Thundra's eggs with one of Hulk's sperm.
However, Marvel's character profile handbooks, in the usual "known relatives" or "relatives" section lists Hulk as her "father", and Hulk's children Skaar and Hiro-Kala (which he conceived naturally with Caiera) as her "half-brothers", and so on.
Now, I understand the biological reasoning behind considering those relations the same as the ones in a "traditional" family, or even considering people conceived by artificial insemination (if my father donated sperm and I found out I have a sibling from a woman he never even met)... but shouldn't an character profile (which is supposed to be informative) list those relatives with terms such as "genetic father" or "genetic half-brother"? They do list other characters in her extended family with terms such as "step-mother", and in other profiles they use specific designations for adoptive siblings and parents... why not for these relations?
So, while I can't consider branding these characters as "sister" or brother", I can consider an error to make distinctions when it comes to step relations or adoptive relations, but not for this kind of relations.
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SMOKING."
TITLE: Official Handbook Of The Marvel Universe A To Z Update (Marvel).
ISSUE: 05.
CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen and/or Mike O'Sullivan (head writers/coordinators).
DISSECTION: Mesmero's said to occasionally smoke tobacco, which is something that apparently, needs to be listed in the "abilities/accessories" section of his profile... ???
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MANY CRISES..."
TITLE: Power Girl V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 21.
CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).
DISSECTION: The search for missing Kryptonite from before Infinite Crisis called by Ted Kord is shown as "years ago, many crises yet to be faced"... given the kind of timeline in DC comics, even taking into account the "52" year; it can't be that many years ago, it could be as much as three, four stretching it. Yes, they don't use the word "many", but that kind of sentence is meant to be used for something that was a long time ago; and the "many crises" is also a hyperbole.
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, the new Rocket Red's hair should be blond, but it's colored brown, and Bruce Wayne's Batman belt is wrong.
<-------------------------------->
One hundred and three dissections, with an average of 7.7 Bazzars. Wow. Our last high rating was a 7.6 a couple of years ago, and our highest one was 8.1 in column #20. Let's get the Moments Of The Week(s) done with and end this column. From 02/09, Atomic Robo gets his first kiss (back in 1930):
Hmm... metallic tasting! Of course, after learning that his little robot is having a romantic dalliance, Tesla wants to have "the talk" with him:
I laughed out loud. Now, one Moment from 02/16... what will rise in Darwking Duck?
DUCKTHULU!!! And now a few from 02/23, first, Hogun the grim hails a train:
... stops it, more like it. Then, more Robo romantic moments:
That's what happens when you date a robot. Next, what's a good outfit to wear to a funeral? Let's ask Storm, shall we?
Wow, in perfect taste! And from Star Wars: Legacy: Wars...
IT'S TRAP!!! OR MORE THAN ONE!!! And last, what does Dazzler do best?
DISCO, BABY, DISCO! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
Friday, January 14, 2011
The Dissector Special #09: Autopsy Awards 2010 Nominations.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
Allow me to present the 2010 Autopsy Awards nominees! As usual, the voting will be via e-mail, send your votes to lordmagnusen at gmail.com, in the following form (each nomination has a code): "W01, A03, C02..."
Some of the awards are not subject to vote, as they are given solely on a numeric basis (most Dissected company, etc), or specially awarded for extraordinary "merit" (I also accept suggestions for special awards). Of course, the text for each dissection is the original one from when they were published, but I've added some (mostly) new comments for all.
The last four categories are actually about positive things that a comic book company or creator would be proud to win... unlike the other categories. I'm talking about the "Best Quote", "Best Moment", and "Best Cover" awards, and the new comer "Best Fight Scene" award. Now, the nominees:
Let's get started with the Best Writing Dissection nominees:
<-------------------------------->
W01-"THIS SMELLS LIKE BULLSHIT..." (The Dissector #147, 01/29/10)
COMMENT: With all the tools at Fraction's disposition, I was surprised he'd do something this dumb.
TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).
ISSUE: 520.
CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).
DISSECTION: We get it, Wolverine has amazingly keen senses... but I will not accept that he can track a prey by smell from the top of a building in NEW YORK CITY, A 468.9 SQUARE MILES, 1,214.4 SQUARE KILOMETERS, 8,363,710 CITY INHABITANTS, AND 19,006,798 METRO AREA POPULATION CITY!!!
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Not only does he track his prey (a Predator X) to a SEWER, but he knows that Fantomex (who carries no scent) is there because he smelled, and I quote, "a you-shaped hole in the smell of this dump". Fraction, Logan has a very acute sense of smell, not an echolocation device in his nostrils.
<-------------------------------->
W02-"A MAN AHEAD OF HIS TIME" (The Dissector #148, 02/05/10)
COMMENT: Sometimes modern language breaks the suspension of disbelief in period comics... in this case, it was worse than that, it was a gross science/history error too.
TITLE: Northlanders (DC/Vertigo).
ISSUE: 24.
CULPRIT: Brian Wood (writer).
DISSECTION: This is a book set in Nordic lands in what, the 10th century? The 11th? The exact date really doesn't matter; but Thorir, one of the characters, urges a girl to eat meat because "growing children need protein". Protein? Really?
Wikipedia says: Proteins were first described by the Dutch chemist Gerhardus Johannes Mulder and named by the Swedish chemist Jönsla Jakob Berzelius in 1838. The central role of proteins in living organisms was however not fully appreciated until 1926, when James B. Sumner showed that the enzyme urease was a protein.
So, how is a Norseman in the know this 600 years before proteins were even described? Wood could have had Thorir just say "growing children need meat".
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
W03-"I CAN'T COUNT TOO GOOD." (The Dissector #157, 04/09/10)
COMMENT: When writing Star Trek, you have to remember that characters are highly-educated professionals from the 24th (or around, depending on the series) century, who are used to dealing with alien cultures on a daily basis. Or this happens:
TITLE: Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts (IDW).
ISSUE: 05 of 05.
CULPRIT: Zander Cannon (writer).
DISSECTION: Now, Zander Cannon (whose name still sounds AWESOME) wrote a nice miniseries; which could have been shorter, granted, but still was TNGish enough to be an episode of the show; and Javier Aranda's art in this issue, while ugly, is technically correct enough to make me think he probably grew hands or got cybernetic replacements. Makes me think of a Star Trek roleplayer who had a character with "positronic hands"... ignoring the fact that what was positronic about Data was HIS BRAIN, and it was a feature related to artificial intelligence, NOT HANDS!!!
... but I ramble. In this last issue, Geordi is getting some numerical data from one of the aliens-of-the-week-from-the-planet-of-the-week (Allios IV), to solve a technical conundrum posed by a specific piece of technology developed in that planet. He can't make heads or tails of the numbers he's being fed, and struggles to understand them, and after a great deal of effort... realizes the aliens, who have six fingers on each hand, use a base-12 number system. Yes, Geordi, a professional engineer, who is one of the best Starfleet and the entire Star Trek universe has to offer, only realizes that about a civilization whose technology he's been studying for what seems to be days? Even if it's just hours, THE FIRST THING YOU HAVE TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT WHEN STUDYING SOMETHING LIKE THAT, SO HEAVILY DEPENDING ON NUMBERS, IS WHAT SYSTEM THEY USE!!!
Me, I'm ashamed I never realized the aliens had six fingers on each hand, and it was never mentioned before. But it'd be in the first page of whatever Wikipedia entry Geordi consulted about this planet.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
W04-"THE FAMOUS VULCAN ELBOW PINCH." (The Dissector #170, 07/10/10)
COMMENT: Knowing Star Trek is important to writing Star Trek. Which is odd in this case, since the Tipton brothers seem to be fans.
TITLE: Star Trek: Burden Of Knowledge (IDW).
ISSUE: 01 of 04.
CULPRIT: Scott & David Tipton (writers).
DISSECTION: Spock attempts to render one of the muppet-bird aliens unconscious, but their physiology is not similar to the usual humanoid types. According to Spock "... this race lacks a discernible shoulder necessary for the nerve pinch..." SHOULDER??!?!!? It's the Vulcan NECK pinch!!! (Or nerve pinch, I know.)
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
W05-"FUCKING FIRES, HOW DO THEY WORK?." (The Dissector #183, 11/11/10)
COMMENT: It pains me to nominate one of my favorite books and writers, but same as the third dissection in this category, you need to remember people in the future (at least the future painted in these settings) will be highly educated, particularly in matters that are even obvious to people like me, who haven't finished high school.
TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (DC).
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).
DISSECTION: Cosmic Boy goes to the Legion Academy, and while he's reviewing the students, a fire breaks out nearby and they are the closest ones to respond. They go to the scene, and one student that has variable powers (Variable Lad), in this case uses them to become super smart and learn what the best way of putting out the fire is: using the powers of another student who can control chemical reactions (Chemical Kid), because fire is an oxidation. Uhm... and they needed a super intelligent being to figure that out?
Regardless of him being a student and not a battle-hardened Legionnaire, a guy whose powers are to control chemical reactions should think of that first, particularly in the 30th century, with the kind of education they have, plus any further education someone with chemical controlling powers should get on the subject. Controlling the oxidation should be a gut response from Chemical Kid, the same as Bataranging or punching a bank robber is Batman's!
Not to mention the fact that there's two veteran Legionnaires there (Cosmic Boy and Duplicate Girl), and a handful of other students, most of whom should have a pretty advanced science education when compared to today's teenagers or young adults. Anyone today with a barely decent education should know that a fire is a chemical reaction.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
I'm not sure which I'm voting for yet. Let's go on with the nominees for Best Art Dissection:
<-------------------------------->
A01-"THE ROD OF BORIS." (The Dissector #156, 04/02/10)
COMMENT: This is one of my pet peeves; and I finally decided to attribute it to the artist.
TITLE: Northlanders (DC/Vertigo)
ISSUE: 26.
CULPRIT: Brian Wood (writer) and/or Leandro Fernandez (penciller).
DISSECTION: Good God... Boris, the apparently Slavic holy man among Norsemen, is also a healer... and his surgical instrument and medicine bag has a caduceus. The caduceus is NOT the symbol of medicine, despite its mistaken use, mainly in the USA, as that. It's a symbol originally for Iris, messenger of Hera, and afterwards of Hermes/Mercury; and through them, a symbol of messengers, gamblers, merchants, shepherds, liars and thieves.
The symbol of medicine is the rod of Asclepius; or the asklepian. Asclepius was the Greek god of healing and medicine, and his symbol is a staff with a snake entwined around it. The caduceus is also a staff, but quite differently shaped than the asklepian. The latter is a rustic wooden staff, while the former is usually a smooth and elegant-looking herald's staff. Furthermore, there are two snakes entwined around the caduceus, and the staff is winged, while the rod of Asclepius is not. Read more about the asklepian, and about the caduceus and the mix ups between the two.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
A02-"FACE IS NOT IN MURDOCK'S BOOK.." (The Dissector #161, 05/08/10)
COMMENT: Simplification is one thing; plain old laziness is another.
TITLE: A-Team: War Stories: Murdock (IDW).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Guiu Vilanova (penciller).
DISSECTION: Artists, and particularly IDW artists, are known to not draw faces on background characters. While it's a practice I don't consider correct, it's understandable. Some IDW artists, however, most specifically, the ones in most of their Star Trek books, have done it to characters that, while not important to the scene, are not in the background. This time, however, Vilanova has taken it too far:
Come on! This is outrageous! Those are the ONLY TWO CHARACTERS IN THE PANEL!!! ONE OF THEM IS THE STAR OF THE BOOK, AND THE OTHER ONE IS TALKING!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU LAZY MOTHERFUCKER!??!!?!?!?!?!?!? Not happy with that, he does it twice more, once again to Murdock, star of the book, WHILE HE'S TALKING AND IS ONE OF THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS IN THE PANEL, AND THEN AGAIN... but in that panel Murdock is not talking, at least.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
A03-"RIDDLE ME THIS, RIDDLE ME THAT... WHO'S WEARING THE MANTLE OF THE BAT?" (The Dissector #166, 06/12/10)
COMMENT: Geez, pay some attention to what you're working on.
TITLE: Joker's Asylum II: The Riddler (DC).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Andres Guinaldo (penciller).
DISSECTION: If you're going to tell a flashback story, to when the Riddler wasn't a detective, don't dress Batman with Dick Grayson's current costume... since it's Bruce.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
A04-"WHO ARE THOSE GUYS? WHAT IS THIS, MOSAIC?" (The Dissector #183, 11/11/10)
COMMENT: It hurts when you see that some people (I'm talking about Kirkham here) don't care about what they're working on, when you'd love to be working on comics yourself.
TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 53.
CULPRIT: Tyler Kirkham (penciller) and Nei Rufino (colorist)
DISSECTION: What? Bystanders on Korugar are colored like humans, some lighter, others darker, and it's not a trick of the light or anything, because in the same light as Kyle Rayner, many share his skin color. But that's not the worst thing... they're dressed, unequivocally, in Earth clothes: jackets, baseball caps, hoodies. People from Korugar have pink or red skin, and they certainly shouldn't be wearing normal Earth garments.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars, double. Also, Sinestro's ring is colored like his skin in a panel (that's where all the pink ink went!).
<-------------------------------->
Some of those aren't that bad; to be honest. Now the nominees for Best Coloring Dissection:
<-------------------------------->
C01-"COX SUCKER." (The Dissector #152, 03/05/10)
COMMENT: Jeromy Cox, one of this column's mainstays...
TITLE: X-Factor V3 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 202.
CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).
DISSECTION: Attention, rant coming...
Jeromy Cox: Monet St. Croix has brown eyes, not blue or green; Namor's should be grey, not whatever weird color you gave him; Layla Miller's eyes are green, not blue; Reed Richards has brown eyes, not blue ones; and Ben Grimm, usually called "Ever Lovin' Blue Eyed Thing"... yes, you guessed it, has BLUE EYES, NOT BROWN ONES!!!! ALSO, YOU MIGHT WANT TO AVOID COLORING LAYLA LIKE SHE'S MONET, SKIN, HAIR AND COSTUME!!!
Your job is to color these books, and I know it can be a hard, detailed job. But can you at least work with character references in front of you, FOR RAINBOW RAIDER'S SAKE?!?!?!?!
DISSECT-O-METER: I'm fucking giving 9 Bazzars to each of these, just because of Jeromy's complete inability to color ONE CHARACTER RIGHT.
<-------------------------------->
C02-"AVENGING CHANGING COLORS." (The Dissector #156, 04/02/10)
COMMENT: Is McCaig living with Jeromy?
TITLE: New Avengers (Marvel).
ISSUE: 63.
CULPRIT: Dave McCaig (colorist).
DISSECTION: I'm reading the book, right? And I notice that Jessica Jones' eyes are the wrong color. They're green, when they should be blue. The next page, they're blue. And the next, back to green... and then brown. WTF?
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, for the sheer sloppiness. Clint Barton's eyes are green first, then his correct blue color, then green again; Lady Octopus' eyes are green instead of brown, and Danielle Cage is drawn as a 4-6 months baby instead of a year old infant or so. Then I go to see who the colorist was... and the credit read "colorisst"...
<-------------------------------->
C03-"THE GRAY HOOD." (The Dissector #181, 10/14/10)
COMMENT: This was just baffling.
TITLE: Red Hood: The Lost Days (DC).
ISSUE: 05 of 06.
CULPRIT: Brian Reber (colorist).
DISSECTION: Jason Todd is trying to find a girl in a car that's, unwittingly, carrying a bomb. Over the phone, he asks her what kind of car she's in, and she says the car is red. But the colorist made the car gray or black...
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
C04-"WHO ARE THOSE GUYS? WHAT IS THIS, MOSAIC?" (The Dissector #183, 11/11/10)
COMMENT: While Nei's great, this deserved to be nominated for the coloring mistakes too.
TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 53.
CULPRIT: Tyler Kirkham (penciller) and Nei Rufino (colorist)
DISSECTION: What? Bystanders on Korugar are colored like humans, some lighter, others darker, and it's not a trick of the light or anything, because in the same light as Kyle Rayner, many share his skin color. But that's not the worst thing... they're dressed, unequivocally, in Earth clothes: jackets, baseball caps, hoodies. People from Korugar have pink or red skin, and they certainly shouldn't be wearing normal Earth garments.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars, double. Also, Sinestro's ring is colored like his skin in a panel (that's where all the pink ink went!).
<-------------------------------->
C05-"WHITE STAR." (The Dissector #189, 12/12/10)
COMMENT: It's disheartening. I don't ask colorists, some of which I've met personally and know they don't care about comics at all (while others are fans too, mind you), to know by heart the detailed histories of each character they color... but is it so hard to check what ethnicity a character is supposed to be?
TITLE: Adventure Comics V1 (DC).
ISSUE: 521.
CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).
DISSECTION: Dawnstar is descended from Native Americans... she is not fair-skinned like Caucasians, and she does not have blue eyes.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Twice. Get a fucking grip on the characters you are working on.
<-------------------------------->
I'm between two of those... Let's go with the nominees for Best Lettering Dissection:
<-------------------------------->
L01-"TRANSBAT." (The Dissector #148, 02/05/09)
COMMENT: Editors ended up taking the blame for this, but it's still a lettering error.
TITLE: Batman And Robin (DC).
ISSUE: 07.
CULPRIT: Janelle Siegel (assistant editor) & Mike Marts (editor).
DISSECTION: Batwoman and Batman's speech balloons are switched on one page. Letterer Pat Brosseau says in his Facebook page that he was sure it was okay when he handed it in, so I'm going to take his word for it.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
L02-"PUSHER FOR HIRE.!" (The Dissector #163, 05/23/10)
COMMENT: Talk about turning around a story...
TITLE: New Avengers: Luke Cage (Marvel).
ISSUE: 02 of 03.
CULPRIT: Joe Sabino (letterer).
DISSECTION: Wow, Joe really did screw up on this one:
Cage talks like he's got people selling drugs? The villain who just attacked him says "it takes more than cats to hurt me"?!?!
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
L03-"HÉRR." (The Dissector #185, 11/19/10)
COMMENT: Two of my pet peeves (well, the same one twice, basically), mixed together.
TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man (Marvel).
ISSUE: 647.
CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer).
DISSECTION: Joe's one of my favorite letterers, and that makes this dissection worse... he letter's what's supposed to be the word "Señor" as "Senõr". Not only that, he makes the "o" smaller because of the tilde. *sigh*
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzar's for fucking up the word, 7 for the smaller letter.
<-------------------------------->
L04-"BLURRED DIALOGUES." (The Dissector #187, 11/23/10)
COMMENT: Nothing scandalous, but pretty obvious, and something that shouldn't (but did, and I can't be surprised) have escaped proofreading.
TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).
DISSECTION: This one bears showing:
Seems like Sal pastes the text from the script to work on the balloons and actual lettering... but in this case, he forgot to delete or hide that layer when turning in the completed pages. Once upon a time, I would have been amazed at something like this slipping by an editor, but I've been doing this column for five years now...
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. The first letter of a word is missing in another dialogue; and I'm going to blame that on Sal too this time, and Iris' eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
Some interesting options. Let's check out the nominees for Best Other Dissection:
<-------------------------------->
O01-"WAR IS MESSY." (The Dissector #161, 05/08/10)
COMMENT: A real mess.
TITLE: Battlefields (Dynamite).
ISSUE: Honestly, I give up.
CULPRIT: Joseph Rybandt (editor).
DISSECTION: You know I enjoy these books... except for "Dear Billy", all the Battlefield minis have been excellent... well, "Dear Billy" is not bad, but just not to my taste. My favorite was "The Tankies", a three issue miniseries last year. Now the Tankies are back! Is it Battlefields: The Tankies II? Or is it Battlefields: The Firefly And His Majesty, or Battlefields: The Firefly, as it was announced?
No, it's Battlefields #4. What? There was never a book called "Battlefields", it was just Battlefields: The Night Witches, Battlefields: Dear Billy, and Battlefields: The Tankies, Yes, originally it was going to be Battlefields 1 to 9, with each of those three stories taking up three issues; but then, Battlefield: Happy Valley was released... and now a second Tankies story gets #4?
If it's a continuation of the original series of three minis, it'd be #10... if it's a continuation of the whole thing, including Happy Valley, it'd be #13. And if it's a continuation to the Tankies, it'd be #4... So, any way they want to say Dynamite is trying to publish this, it still doesn't make sense. There's also a blurb at the end of issue #5 that says announces the next issue as the conclusion of "the second Battlefields arc". So they're trying to consider this part of Battlefields: The Tankies... why don't you name it Battlefields: The Tankies and that way you can number it from #4?
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
O02-"JUST SHOOT ME." (The Dissector #171, 07-26-10)
COMMENT: My bad, my bad. I really goofed up here.
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 170.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (editor).
DISSECTION: I was working on the column, and I noticed I didn't have a DT!, so I went and plucked one out of The Rundown... and left it there too. No one seems to have noticed, though, until Sidney did, some time later. Another badge for him.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
O03-"NUMBER π IN A SERIES." (The Dissector #177, 09/21/10)
COMMENT: Puzzling.
TITLE: B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth - New World (Dark Horse).
ISSUE: 01 and 02 of 05.
CULPRIT: Scott Allie (editor) and/or Samantha Robertson (assistant editor).
DISSECTION: Editor Scott Allie tells us readers in the letter column of the first issue that "the B.P.R.D. series that started in 2002 with Hollow Earth has ended with King Of Fear, and now we're into a new series- B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth, of which New World is the first arc. (...) But the name of the book is now B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth, with subtitles."
Now, this is all fine and dandy, because as you might have noticed if you read B.P.R.D., all of the miniseries feature in the credits a note that says "number ## in a series"; to show that it's all the same series, even if it's not published as a regular ongoing title. And now, it's a new series, "B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth"... but why are issues #1 and #2 marked as "number 69" and "number 70" ("in a series").
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
O04-"FIRST ISSUE EVER... AGAIN!" (The Dissector #187, 11/23/10)
COMMENT: There's hype, and then there's lying and being ridiculous.
TITLE: Spider-Girl V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Stephen Wacker (senior editor), Nate Cosby (editor), Tom Brennan (associate editor), and Mike Horwitz (assistant editor).
DISSECTION: Cover for this first issue says it's the "most synapse-shattering super hero debut of the decade". Really? Can someone explain to me how that's possible? Araña has been around since 2004; and she changed costume and name months ago, jumping around other books with it since then... This is not a debut in any way... at least not a "super hero debut". It might be a "solo series debut" (which would be partially correct), but not what they say...
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
O05-"CHAOS ATE MY CREDITS." (The Dissector #189, 12/12/10)
COMMENT: Yeah, who cares who wrote and drew this?
TITLE: Chaos War: Alpha Flight (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Unknown editor.
DISSECTION: Yeah.... THERE ARE NO DETAILED CREDITS IN THE WHOLE ISSUE!!! Just last names of writer, penciller, inker, and colorist on the cover...
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
I am not voting for myself, that much I can tell you. Now the nominees for the first of the "positive" categories, Best Quote:
<-------------------------------->
Q01-"This is a Christian land, and we a Christian people, but that's not stopped the old gods from reminding us they exist." Hilda, about winter, Northlanders #24. (The Dissector #148, 02/05/10)
<-------------------------------->
Q02-"I leave a lot behind, but never the whisky." John Constantine, Hellblazer #264. (The Dissector #151, 03/03/10)
<-------------------------------->
Q03-"This station will be ground up with your bones into the finest powder which we will snort in our victory orgy." Drenx commander, S.W.O.R.D. #5. (The Dissector #154, 03/19/10)
<-------------------------------->
Q04-"(...) there are promises one makes to oneself, having lived through a holocaust. I'm afraid these promises preclude me from watching the extermination of my people in a reclining position. See to your patients, Dr. McCoy. I will see to our enemies." Max Eisenhardt, aka Magneto, New Mutants V3 #14. (The Dissector #168, 06/25/10)
<-------------------------------->
Q05-"Why does every BBQ I have end with a dead hippie being molested?" Franky, Billy The Kid's Old Timey Oddities And The Ghastly Fiend Of London #2 (The Goon backup story). (The Dissector #184, 11/17/10)
<-------------------------------->
Can't tell you which one I'm voting for, but I've made my choice. Now for the next positive category, the nominees for Best Moment:
<-------------------------------->
M01-From Doomwar #1: You. Do. Not. Fuck. With. The. Wakandan. Royal. Family. (The Dissector #151, 03/03/10)
<-------------------------------->
M02-From Superman #697: The Legion's New Espionage Squad, in the 21st century. (The Dissector #152, 03/05/10)
<-------------------------------->
M03-From Siege #4: It's over, Norman. (The Dissector #155, 03/26/10)
<-------------------------------->
M04-S.H.I.E.L.D. #1: Galileo Vs. Galactus! (The Dissector #158, 04/16/10)
<-------------------------------->
M05-From X-Force V3 #26: The death of one of my favorite characters, and something I did not see coming. (The Dissector #161, 05/08/10)
<-------------------------------->
M06-From Ex Machina #50: The return of the Great Machine! (The Dissector #164, 05/28/10)
<-------------------------------->
M07-From Strange Tales II #1: Kate Beaton is too funny. (The Dissector #182, 10/31/10)
<-------------------------------->
The nominees for Best Cover:
<-------------------------------->
T01-Gravel #16. I like working class magicians, and this cover says "London". By Mike Wolfer. (The Dissector #147, 01/29/10)
<-------------------------------->
T02-From The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #625. The Gauntlet could get a bit repetitive, but the Rhino storyline was definitely compelling. Cover by Marko Djurdjevic. (The Dissector #155, 03/26/10)
<-------------------------------->
T03-The Flash V3 #3, nice cover by Greg Horn (and it ain't traced porn!). (The Dissector #170, 07/10/10)
<-------------------------------->
T04-This is from The Murder Of King Tut #1, by Darwyn Cooke. (The Dissector #171, 07/26/10)
<-------------------------------->
Lastly, the nominees for the newest positive category, Best Fight Scene (yes, I know, very MTV of me):
<-------------------------------->
F01-From Mighty Avengers (blanking on the issue), Quicksilver takes down Gary Stu, err, Mr. X (The Dissector #161, 05/08/10)
<-------------------------------->
F02-In Hercules: Twilight of A God #2, Herc takes down a future Silver Surfer... with extreme prejudice. (The Dissector #171, 07/26/10)
<-------------------------------->
F03-Don't mess with John Walker (the former U.S.Agent), even when he's missing limbs! From Thunderbolts #147 (The Dissector #175, 09/07/10)
<-------------------------------->
F04-From Rawhide Kid #4, it's not a physical battle, but a gay fashion showdown in the old west: (The Dissector #178, 09/29/10)
<-------------------------------->
F05-From Warriors Three #2, Volstagg The Voluminous (my favorite Thor character) fights trolls (The Dissector #189, 12/13/10)
<-------------------------------->
OK, get voting, you have until the end of the month (perhaps a few more days), to do so. Catch you soon with the next regular column. Remember, nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
Allow me to present the 2010 Autopsy Awards nominees! As usual, the voting will be via e-mail, send your votes to lordmagnusen at gmail.com, in the following form (each nomination has a code): "W01, A03, C02..."
Some of the awards are not subject to vote, as they are given solely on a numeric basis (most Dissected company, etc), or specially awarded for extraordinary "merit" (I also accept suggestions for special awards). Of course, the text for each dissection is the original one from when they were published, but I've added some (mostly) new comments for all.
The last four categories are actually about positive things that a comic book company or creator would be proud to win... unlike the other categories. I'm talking about the "Best Quote", "Best Moment", and "Best Cover" awards, and the new comer "Best Fight Scene" award. Now, the nominees:
Let's get started with the Best Writing Dissection nominees:
<-------------------------------->
W01-"THIS SMELLS LIKE BULLSHIT..." (The Dissector #147, 01/29/10)
COMMENT: With all the tools at Fraction's disposition, I was surprised he'd do something this dumb.
TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).
ISSUE: 520.
CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).
DISSECTION: We get it, Wolverine has amazingly keen senses... but I will not accept that he can track a prey by smell from the top of a building in NEW YORK CITY, A 468.9 SQUARE MILES, 1,214.4 SQUARE KILOMETERS, 8,363,710 CITY INHABITANTS, AND 19,006,798 METRO AREA POPULATION CITY!!!
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Not only does he track his prey (a Predator X) to a SEWER, but he knows that Fantomex (who carries no scent) is there because he smelled, and I quote, "a you-shaped hole in the smell of this dump". Fraction, Logan has a very acute sense of smell, not an echolocation device in his nostrils.
<-------------------------------->
W02-"A MAN AHEAD OF HIS TIME" (The Dissector #148, 02/05/10)
COMMENT: Sometimes modern language breaks the suspension of disbelief in period comics... in this case, it was worse than that, it was a gross science/history error too.
TITLE: Northlanders (DC/Vertigo).
ISSUE: 24.
CULPRIT: Brian Wood (writer).
DISSECTION: This is a book set in Nordic lands in what, the 10th century? The 11th? The exact date really doesn't matter; but Thorir, one of the characters, urges a girl to eat meat because "growing children need protein". Protein? Really?
Wikipedia says: Proteins were first described by the Dutch chemist Gerhardus Johannes Mulder and named by the Swedish chemist Jönsla Jakob Berzelius in 1838. The central role of proteins in living organisms was however not fully appreciated until 1926, when James B. Sumner showed that the enzyme urease was a protein.
So, how is a Norseman in the know this 600 years before proteins were even described? Wood could have had Thorir just say "growing children need meat".
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
W03-"I CAN'T COUNT TOO GOOD." (The Dissector #157, 04/09/10)
COMMENT: When writing Star Trek, you have to remember that characters are highly-educated professionals from the 24th (or around, depending on the series) century, who are used to dealing with alien cultures on a daily basis. Or this happens:
TITLE: Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts (IDW).
ISSUE: 05 of 05.
CULPRIT: Zander Cannon (writer).
DISSECTION: Now, Zander Cannon (whose name still sounds AWESOME) wrote a nice miniseries; which could have been shorter, granted, but still was TNGish enough to be an episode of the show; and Javier Aranda's art in this issue, while ugly, is technically correct enough to make me think he probably grew hands or got cybernetic replacements. Makes me think of a Star Trek roleplayer who had a character with "positronic hands"... ignoring the fact that what was positronic about Data was HIS BRAIN, and it was a feature related to artificial intelligence, NOT HANDS!!!
... but I ramble. In this last issue, Geordi is getting some numerical data from one of the aliens-of-the-week-from-the-planet-of-the-week (Allios IV), to solve a technical conundrum posed by a specific piece of technology developed in that planet. He can't make heads or tails of the numbers he's being fed, and struggles to understand them, and after a great deal of effort... realizes the aliens, who have six fingers on each hand, use a base-12 number system. Yes, Geordi, a professional engineer, who is one of the best Starfleet and the entire Star Trek universe has to offer, only realizes that about a civilization whose technology he's been studying for what seems to be days? Even if it's just hours, THE FIRST THING YOU HAVE TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT WHEN STUDYING SOMETHING LIKE THAT, SO HEAVILY DEPENDING ON NUMBERS, IS WHAT SYSTEM THEY USE!!!
Me, I'm ashamed I never realized the aliens had six fingers on each hand, and it was never mentioned before. But it'd be in the first page of whatever Wikipedia entry Geordi consulted about this planet.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
W04-"THE FAMOUS VULCAN ELBOW PINCH." (The Dissector #170, 07/10/10)
COMMENT: Knowing Star Trek is important to writing Star Trek. Which is odd in this case, since the Tipton brothers seem to be fans.
TITLE: Star Trek: Burden Of Knowledge (IDW).
ISSUE: 01 of 04.
CULPRIT: Scott & David Tipton (writers).
DISSECTION: Spock attempts to render one of the muppet-bird aliens unconscious, but their physiology is not similar to the usual humanoid types. According to Spock "... this race lacks a discernible shoulder necessary for the nerve pinch..." SHOULDER??!?!!? It's the Vulcan NECK pinch!!! (Or nerve pinch, I know.)
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
W05-"FUCKING FIRES, HOW DO THEY WORK?." (The Dissector #183, 11/11/10)
COMMENT: It pains me to nominate one of my favorite books and writers, but same as the third dissection in this category, you need to remember people in the future (at least the future painted in these settings) will be highly educated, particularly in matters that are even obvious to people like me, who haven't finished high school.
TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (DC).
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).
DISSECTION: Cosmic Boy goes to the Legion Academy, and while he's reviewing the students, a fire breaks out nearby and they are the closest ones to respond. They go to the scene, and one student that has variable powers (Variable Lad), in this case uses them to become super smart and learn what the best way of putting out the fire is: using the powers of another student who can control chemical reactions (Chemical Kid), because fire is an oxidation. Uhm... and they needed a super intelligent being to figure that out?
Regardless of him being a student and not a battle-hardened Legionnaire, a guy whose powers are to control chemical reactions should think of that first, particularly in the 30th century, with the kind of education they have, plus any further education someone with chemical controlling powers should get on the subject. Controlling the oxidation should be a gut response from Chemical Kid, the same as Bataranging or punching a bank robber is Batman's!
Not to mention the fact that there's two veteran Legionnaires there (Cosmic Boy and Duplicate Girl), and a handful of other students, most of whom should have a pretty advanced science education when compared to today's teenagers or young adults. Anyone today with a barely decent education should know that a fire is a chemical reaction.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
I'm not sure which I'm voting for yet. Let's go on with the nominees for Best Art Dissection:
<-------------------------------->
A01-"THE ROD OF BORIS." (The Dissector #156, 04/02/10)
COMMENT: This is one of my pet peeves; and I finally decided to attribute it to the artist.
TITLE: Northlanders (DC/Vertigo)
ISSUE: 26.
CULPRIT: Brian Wood (writer) and/or Leandro Fernandez (penciller).
DISSECTION: Good God... Boris, the apparently Slavic holy man among Norsemen, is also a healer... and his surgical instrument and medicine bag has a caduceus. The caduceus is NOT the symbol of medicine, despite its mistaken use, mainly in the USA, as that. It's a symbol originally for Iris, messenger of Hera, and afterwards of Hermes/Mercury; and through them, a symbol of messengers, gamblers, merchants, shepherds, liars and thieves.
The symbol of medicine is the rod of Asclepius; or the asklepian. Asclepius was the Greek god of healing and medicine, and his symbol is a staff with a snake entwined around it. The caduceus is also a staff, but quite differently shaped than the asklepian. The latter is a rustic wooden staff, while the former is usually a smooth and elegant-looking herald's staff. Furthermore, there are two snakes entwined around the caduceus, and the staff is winged, while the rod of Asclepius is not. Read more about the asklepian, and about the caduceus and the mix ups between the two.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
A02-"FACE IS NOT IN MURDOCK'S BOOK.." (The Dissector #161, 05/08/10)
COMMENT: Simplification is one thing; plain old laziness is another.
TITLE: A-Team: War Stories: Murdock (IDW).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Guiu Vilanova (penciller).
DISSECTION: Artists, and particularly IDW artists, are known to not draw faces on background characters. While it's a practice I don't consider correct, it's understandable. Some IDW artists, however, most specifically, the ones in most of their Star Trek books, have done it to characters that, while not important to the scene, are not in the background. This time, however, Vilanova has taken it too far:
Come on! This is outrageous! Those are the ONLY TWO CHARACTERS IN THE PANEL!!! ONE OF THEM IS THE STAR OF THE BOOK, AND THE OTHER ONE IS TALKING!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU LAZY MOTHERFUCKER!??!!?!?!?!?!?!? Not happy with that, he does it twice more, once again to Murdock, star of the book, WHILE HE'S TALKING AND IS ONE OF THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS IN THE PANEL, AND THEN AGAIN... but in that panel Murdock is not talking, at least.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
A03-"RIDDLE ME THIS, RIDDLE ME THAT... WHO'S WEARING THE MANTLE OF THE BAT?" (The Dissector #166, 06/12/10)
COMMENT: Geez, pay some attention to what you're working on.
TITLE: Joker's Asylum II: The Riddler (DC).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Andres Guinaldo (penciller).
DISSECTION: If you're going to tell a flashback story, to when the Riddler wasn't a detective, don't dress Batman with Dick Grayson's current costume... since it's Bruce.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
A04-"WHO ARE THOSE GUYS? WHAT IS THIS, MOSAIC?" (The Dissector #183, 11/11/10)
COMMENT: It hurts when you see that some people (I'm talking about Kirkham here) don't care about what they're working on, when you'd love to be working on comics yourself.
TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 53.
CULPRIT: Tyler Kirkham (penciller) and Nei Rufino (colorist)
DISSECTION: What? Bystanders on Korugar are colored like humans, some lighter, others darker, and it's not a trick of the light or anything, because in the same light as Kyle Rayner, many share his skin color. But that's not the worst thing... they're dressed, unequivocally, in Earth clothes: jackets, baseball caps, hoodies. People from Korugar have pink or red skin, and they certainly shouldn't be wearing normal Earth garments.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars, double. Also, Sinestro's ring is colored like his skin in a panel (that's where all the pink ink went!).
<-------------------------------->
Some of those aren't that bad; to be honest. Now the nominees for Best Coloring Dissection:
<-------------------------------->
C01-"COX SUCKER." (The Dissector #152, 03/05/10)
COMMENT: Jeromy Cox, one of this column's mainstays...
TITLE: X-Factor V3 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 202.
CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).
DISSECTION: Attention, rant coming...
Jeromy Cox: Monet St. Croix has brown eyes, not blue or green; Namor's should be grey, not whatever weird color you gave him; Layla Miller's eyes are green, not blue; Reed Richards has brown eyes, not blue ones; and Ben Grimm, usually called "Ever Lovin' Blue Eyed Thing"... yes, you guessed it, has BLUE EYES, NOT BROWN ONES!!!! ALSO, YOU MIGHT WANT TO AVOID COLORING LAYLA LIKE SHE'S MONET, SKIN, HAIR AND COSTUME!!!
Your job is to color these books, and I know it can be a hard, detailed job. But can you at least work with character references in front of you, FOR RAINBOW RAIDER'S SAKE?!?!?!?!
DISSECT-O-METER: I'm fucking giving 9 Bazzars to each of these, just because of Jeromy's complete inability to color ONE CHARACTER RIGHT.
<-------------------------------->
C02-"AVENGING CHANGING COLORS." (The Dissector #156, 04/02/10)
COMMENT: Is McCaig living with Jeromy?
TITLE: New Avengers (Marvel).
ISSUE: 63.
CULPRIT: Dave McCaig (colorist).
DISSECTION: I'm reading the book, right? And I notice that Jessica Jones' eyes are the wrong color. They're green, when they should be blue. The next page, they're blue. And the next, back to green... and then brown. WTF?
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, for the sheer sloppiness. Clint Barton's eyes are green first, then his correct blue color, then green again; Lady Octopus' eyes are green instead of brown, and Danielle Cage is drawn as a 4-6 months baby instead of a year old infant or so. Then I go to see who the colorist was... and the credit read "colorisst"...
<-------------------------------->
C03-"THE GRAY HOOD." (The Dissector #181, 10/14/10)
COMMENT: This was just baffling.
TITLE: Red Hood: The Lost Days (DC).
ISSUE: 05 of 06.
CULPRIT: Brian Reber (colorist).
DISSECTION: Jason Todd is trying to find a girl in a car that's, unwittingly, carrying a bomb. Over the phone, he asks her what kind of car she's in, and she says the car is red. But the colorist made the car gray or black...
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
C04-"WHO ARE THOSE GUYS? WHAT IS THIS, MOSAIC?" (The Dissector #183, 11/11/10)
COMMENT: While Nei's great, this deserved to be nominated for the coloring mistakes too.
TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 53.
CULPRIT: Tyler Kirkham (penciller) and Nei Rufino (colorist)
DISSECTION: What? Bystanders on Korugar are colored like humans, some lighter, others darker, and it's not a trick of the light or anything, because in the same light as Kyle Rayner, many share his skin color. But that's not the worst thing... they're dressed, unequivocally, in Earth clothes: jackets, baseball caps, hoodies. People from Korugar have pink or red skin, and they certainly shouldn't be wearing normal Earth garments.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars, double. Also, Sinestro's ring is colored like his skin in a panel (that's where all the pink ink went!).
<-------------------------------->
C05-"WHITE STAR." (The Dissector #189, 12/12/10)
COMMENT: It's disheartening. I don't ask colorists, some of which I've met personally and know they don't care about comics at all (while others are fans too, mind you), to know by heart the detailed histories of each character they color... but is it so hard to check what ethnicity a character is supposed to be?
TITLE: Adventure Comics V1 (DC).
ISSUE: 521.
CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).
DISSECTION: Dawnstar is descended from Native Americans... she is not fair-skinned like Caucasians, and she does not have blue eyes.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Twice. Get a fucking grip on the characters you are working on.
<-------------------------------->
I'm between two of those... Let's go with the nominees for Best Lettering Dissection:
<-------------------------------->
L01-"TRANSBAT." (The Dissector #148, 02/05/09)
COMMENT: Editors ended up taking the blame for this, but it's still a lettering error.
TITLE: Batman And Robin (DC).
ISSUE: 07.
CULPRIT: Janelle Siegel (assistant editor) & Mike Marts (editor).
DISSECTION: Batwoman and Batman's speech balloons are switched on one page. Letterer Pat Brosseau says in his Facebook page that he was sure it was okay when he handed it in, so I'm going to take his word for it.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
L02-"PUSHER FOR HIRE.!" (The Dissector #163, 05/23/10)
COMMENT: Talk about turning around a story...
TITLE: New Avengers: Luke Cage (Marvel).
ISSUE: 02 of 03.
CULPRIT: Joe Sabino (letterer).
DISSECTION: Wow, Joe really did screw up on this one:
Cage talks like he's got people selling drugs? The villain who just attacked him says "it takes more than cats to hurt me"?!?!
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
L03-"HÉRR." (The Dissector #185, 11/19/10)
COMMENT: Two of my pet peeves (well, the same one twice, basically), mixed together.
TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man (Marvel).
ISSUE: 647.
CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer).
DISSECTION: Joe's one of my favorite letterers, and that makes this dissection worse... he letter's what's supposed to be the word "Señor" as "Senõr". Not only that, he makes the "o" smaller because of the tilde. *sigh*
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzar's for fucking up the word, 7 for the smaller letter.
<-------------------------------->
L04-"BLURRED DIALOGUES." (The Dissector #187, 11/23/10)
COMMENT: Nothing scandalous, but pretty obvious, and something that shouldn't (but did, and I can't be surprised) have escaped proofreading.
TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).
DISSECTION: This one bears showing:
Seems like Sal pastes the text from the script to work on the balloons and actual lettering... but in this case, he forgot to delete or hide that layer when turning in the completed pages. Once upon a time, I would have been amazed at something like this slipping by an editor, but I've been doing this column for five years now...
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. The first letter of a word is missing in another dialogue; and I'm going to blame that on Sal too this time, and Iris' eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
Some interesting options. Let's check out the nominees for Best Other Dissection:
<-------------------------------->
O01-"WAR IS MESSY." (The Dissector #161, 05/08/10)
COMMENT: A real mess.
TITLE: Battlefields (Dynamite).
ISSUE: Honestly, I give up.
CULPRIT: Joseph Rybandt (editor).
DISSECTION: You know I enjoy these books... except for "Dear Billy", all the Battlefield minis have been excellent... well, "Dear Billy" is not bad, but just not to my taste. My favorite was "The Tankies", a three issue miniseries last year. Now the Tankies are back! Is it Battlefields: The Tankies II? Or is it Battlefields: The Firefly And His Majesty, or Battlefields: The Firefly, as it was announced?
No, it's Battlefields #4. What? There was never a book called "Battlefields", it was just Battlefields: The Night Witches, Battlefields: Dear Billy, and Battlefields: The Tankies, Yes, originally it was going to be Battlefields 1 to 9, with each of those three stories taking up three issues; but then, Battlefield: Happy Valley was released... and now a second Tankies story gets #4?
If it's a continuation of the original series of three minis, it'd be #10... if it's a continuation of the whole thing, including Happy Valley, it'd be #13. And if it's a continuation to the Tankies, it'd be #4... So, any way they want to say Dynamite is trying to publish this, it still doesn't make sense. There's also a blurb at the end of issue #5 that says announces the next issue as the conclusion of "the second Battlefields arc". So they're trying to consider this part of Battlefields: The Tankies... why don't you name it Battlefields: The Tankies and that way you can number it from #4?
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
O02-"JUST SHOOT ME." (The Dissector #171, 07-26-10)
COMMENT: My bad, my bad. I really goofed up here.
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 170.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (editor).
DISSECTION: I was working on the column, and I noticed I didn't have a DT!, so I went and plucked one out of The Rundown... and left it there too. No one seems to have noticed, though, until Sidney did, some time later. Another badge for him.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
O03-"NUMBER π IN A SERIES." (The Dissector #177, 09/21/10)
COMMENT: Puzzling.
TITLE: B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth - New World (Dark Horse).
ISSUE: 01 and 02 of 05.
CULPRIT: Scott Allie (editor) and/or Samantha Robertson (assistant editor).
DISSECTION: Editor Scott Allie tells us readers in the letter column of the first issue that "the B.P.R.D. series that started in 2002 with Hollow Earth has ended with King Of Fear, and now we're into a new series- B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth, of which New World is the first arc. (...) But the name of the book is now B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth, with subtitles."
Now, this is all fine and dandy, because as you might have noticed if you read B.P.R.D., all of the miniseries feature in the credits a note that says "number ## in a series"; to show that it's all the same series, even if it's not published as a regular ongoing title. And now, it's a new series, "B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth"... but why are issues #1 and #2 marked as "number 69" and "number 70" ("in a series").
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
O04-"FIRST ISSUE EVER... AGAIN!" (The Dissector #187, 11/23/10)
COMMENT: There's hype, and then there's lying and being ridiculous.
TITLE: Spider-Girl V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Stephen Wacker (senior editor), Nate Cosby (editor), Tom Brennan (associate editor), and Mike Horwitz (assistant editor).
DISSECTION: Cover for this first issue says it's the "most synapse-shattering super hero debut of the decade". Really? Can someone explain to me how that's possible? Araña has been around since 2004; and she changed costume and name months ago, jumping around other books with it since then... This is not a debut in any way... at least not a "super hero debut". It might be a "solo series debut" (which would be partially correct), but not what they say...
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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O05-"CHAOS ATE MY CREDITS." (The Dissector #189, 12/12/10)
COMMENT: Yeah, who cares who wrote and drew this?
TITLE: Chaos War: Alpha Flight (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Unknown editor.
DISSECTION: Yeah.... THERE ARE NO DETAILED CREDITS IN THE WHOLE ISSUE!!! Just last names of writer, penciller, inker, and colorist on the cover...
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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I am not voting for myself, that much I can tell you. Now the nominees for the first of the "positive" categories, Best Quote:
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Q01-"This is a Christian land, and we a Christian people, but that's not stopped the old gods from reminding us they exist." Hilda, about winter, Northlanders #24. (The Dissector #148, 02/05/10)
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Q02-"I leave a lot behind, but never the whisky." John Constantine, Hellblazer #264. (The Dissector #151, 03/03/10)
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Q03-"This station will be ground up with your bones into the finest powder which we will snort in our victory orgy." Drenx commander, S.W.O.R.D. #5. (The Dissector #154, 03/19/10)
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Q04-"(...) there are promises one makes to oneself, having lived through a holocaust. I'm afraid these promises preclude me from watching the extermination of my people in a reclining position. See to your patients, Dr. McCoy. I will see to our enemies." Max Eisenhardt, aka Magneto, New Mutants V3 #14. (The Dissector #168, 06/25/10)
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Q05-"Why does every BBQ I have end with a dead hippie being molested?" Franky, Billy The Kid's Old Timey Oddities And The Ghastly Fiend Of London #2 (The Goon backup story). (The Dissector #184, 11/17/10)
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Can't tell you which one I'm voting for, but I've made my choice. Now for the next positive category, the nominees for Best Moment:
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M01-From Doomwar #1: You. Do. Not. Fuck. With. The. Wakandan. Royal. Family. (The Dissector #151, 03/03/10)
<-------------------------------->M02-From Superman #697: The Legion's New Espionage Squad, in the 21st century. (The Dissector #152, 03/05/10)
<-------------------------------->M03-From Siege #4: It's over, Norman. (The Dissector #155, 03/26/10)
<-------------------------------->M04-S.H.I.E.L.D. #1: Galileo Vs. Galactus! (The Dissector #158, 04/16/10)
<-------------------------------->M05-From X-Force V3 #26: The death of one of my favorite characters, and something I did not see coming. (The Dissector #161, 05/08/10)
<-------------------------------->M06-From Ex Machina #50: The return of the Great Machine! (The Dissector #164, 05/28/10)
<-------------------------------->M07-From Strange Tales II #1: Kate Beaton is too funny. (The Dissector #182, 10/31/10)
<-------------------------------->The nominees for Best Cover:
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T01-Gravel #16. I like working class magicians, and this cover says "London". By Mike Wolfer. (The Dissector #147, 01/29/10)
<-------------------------------->T02-From The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #625. The Gauntlet could get a bit repetitive, but the Rhino storyline was definitely compelling. Cover by Marko Djurdjevic. (The Dissector #155, 03/26/10)
<-------------------------------->T03-The Flash V3 #3, nice cover by Greg Horn (and it ain't traced porn!). (The Dissector #170, 07/10/10)
<-------------------------------->T04-This is from The Murder Of King Tut #1, by Darwyn Cooke. (The Dissector #171, 07/26/10)
<-------------------------------->Lastly, the nominees for the newest positive category, Best Fight Scene (yes, I know, very MTV of me):
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F01-From Mighty Avengers (blanking on the issue), Quicksilver takes down Gary Stu, err, Mr. X (The Dissector #161, 05/08/10)
<-------------------------------->F02-In Hercules: Twilight of A God #2, Herc takes down a future Silver Surfer... with extreme prejudice. (The Dissector #171, 07/26/10)
<-------------------------------->F03-Don't mess with John Walker (the former U.S.Agent), even when he's missing limbs! From Thunderbolts #147 (The Dissector #175, 09/07/10)
<-------------------------------->F04-From Rawhide Kid #4, it's not a physical battle, but a gay fashion showdown in the old west: (The Dissector #178, 09/29/10)
<-------------------------------->F05-From Warriors Three #2, Volstagg The Voluminous (my favorite Thor character) fights trolls (The Dissector #189, 12/13/10)
<-------------------------------->OK, get voting, you have until the end of the month (perhaps a few more days), to do so. Catch you soon with the next regular column. Remember, nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
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