The Dissector

The Dissector #148.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"This is a Christian land, and we a Christian people, but that's not stopped the old gods from reminding us they exist." Hilda, about winter, Northlanders #24.

I'm terribly bored, so I'll make this quick. This is the column for comics released on 01/27, Donald313 noticed that in the DT!, Namorita's adoptive father (or doctor, whoever he was), should have been blue skinned; the Best Book Of The Week was Superman: Secret Origin #4, and the Worst Book Of The Week was Ultimate Comics Enemy #1; it wasn't bad, but I just abhor comics that use 22 pages to tell what could be told in 6 and draw out the story.

The Rundown? Fall of the Hulks: Red Hulk (wrong eye color on Banner), G.I. Joe Cobra II (wrong eye color for the Baroness), God Complex ("confessiond" instead of "confession"), Gotham City Sirens (Riddler's eyes and hair are colored incorrectly), Justice League Of America V2 (Hoshi Kimiyo's eyes are colored blue even though she's Japanese, and Hal Jordan's uniform is colored incorrectly for a panel) 7 8, Secret Warriors (Daisy Johnson's eyes are wrong), Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts (a few coloring and art errors, Aranda's art is not as hideous this time around... still ugly, though), Super Friends V2 (one of Superman's hands is colored blue and the other red), Thor V1 (Doom's eyes should be brown, not blue, plus, why would he label a lab sample in English?), Ultimate Comics Enemy (Ben Grimm's uniform nametag should read "B. GRIMM" or just "GRIMM", not "Ben G."), World's Finest V3 (Batman's gloves are drawn incorrectly), X-Factor V3 (Mr. Fantastic's and M's eyes are colored incorrectly, a missing person sign in Latveria is in English), X-Men: Legacy (Magneto's power is said to depend on his blood iron... what?). Dissections? Yes. But vote on the Autopsy Awards, please.
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"TRANSBAT."

TITLE: Batman And Robin (DC).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Janelle Siegel (assistant editor) & Mike Marts (editor).

DISSECTION: Batwoman and Batman's speech balloons are switched on one page. Letterer Pat Brosseau says in his Facebook page that he was sure it was okay when he handed it in, so I'm going to take his word for it.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"DISSECTION IN THE 25TH CENTURY!"

TITLE: Buck Rogers (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Scott Beatty (writer).

DISSECTION: Come on, this one's easy:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"NO CULPRIT."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 147.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Donald313 gets his second badge today, he noticed I had missed the culprit in a dissection (Brian Michael Bendis, writer for Spider-Woman).

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"DIFFERENT-LEE."

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 50.

CULPRIT: Jim Lee (variant cover penciller).

DISSECTION: Interior pages artist Dough Mankhe gets Hal Jordan's badge right... or at least, close enough, even though he changes it around from page to page. However, Jim Lee fucks it up big time.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, the Scarecrow's eyes are colored incorrectly.
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"DO ANDROIDS GET HIGH ON ELECTRIC SHIT?"

TITLE: Justice League: Cry For Justice (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 07.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: WTF? How does Prometheus use drugs on Red Tornado, who is a robot? Was he out of computer viruses or EMPs?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. There are other costuming, coloring, lettering and writing/editing dissections too.
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"A MAN AHEAD OF HIS TIME."

TITLE: Northlanders (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Brian Wood (writer).

DISSECTION: This is a book set in Nordic lands in what, the 10th century? The 11th? The exact date really doesn't matter; but Thorir, one of the characters, urges a girl to eat meat because "growing children need protein". Protein? Really?

Wikipedia says: Proteins were first described by the Dutch chemist Gerhardus Johannes Mulder and named by the Swedish chemist Jönsla Jakob Berzelius in 1838. The central role of proteins in living organisms was however not fully appreciated until 1926, when James B. Sumner showed that the enzyme urease was a protein.

So, how is a Norseman in the know this 600 years before proteins were even described? Wood could have had Thorir just say "growing children need meat".

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"I KEEP CLOTHES ALL OVER THE CITY."

TITLE: Spider-Man: The Clone Saga (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Todd Nauck (penciller).

DISSECTION: Peter and Ben are at the former's house, presumably in Queens, assembling some furniture, when they get a call that MJ is going into labour (presumably in a hospital in Manhattan). They change into their Spider-Man (Spider-Men?) costumes to rush to the hospital, swinging through the city, but they're not carrying any kind of backpack with their civilian clothing inside... yet when Peter gets to the hospital's roof, there's a webbed bundle of clothes there. What gives?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Of course, Norman Osborn's eyes are colored incorrectly.
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"LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 696.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: The Science Police HQ is destroyed, and Lois Lane just starts to blab about Nightwing's (Chris Kent) and Clark Kent's identity in front of the Guardian (who might be aware of Superman's ID), but also in front of other officers, her father's military unit is around, etc.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"FLUID ENVIRONMENT."

TITLE: Teen Titans V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 79.

CULPRIT: Joe Bennett (main feature penciller).

DISSECTION: The rooms where Static is in his hometown change layout, new furniture appears, and the stuff around his computer monitor disappears.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, I'm gonna count it as one. Also, Beast Boy cannot turn into a centaur, he can't turn into mythical creatures. I'm blaming both Bennett and writer Felicia D. Henderson, who doesn't sound like she's too familiar with the characters.
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"WHERE'S MY SRNYIGE?"

TITLE: Teen Titans V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 79.

CULPRIT: Yildiray Cinar (second feature penciller).

DISSECTION: A vial of adrenaline is labeled "andrenline". This kind of illiterate moron spells like that. What's next, "How is babby formed?", or what?.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"LANGUAGES FOREVER."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Nightcrawler says he was in "Der Jarnmarkt". There are a couple of things wrong with that. First, the right word is "Jahrmarkt". Second, that means "funfair", and Kurt was in a circus ("Zirkus"), even if you wanted to call it a "carnival", it'd be "Karneval".

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"DAS BOOT."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Graham Nolan (penciller).

DISSECTION: Rogue absorbs Nightcrawler's powers and appearance; her hands shift into three-fingered ones, breaking her gloves. However, her feet shift too, but her boots shift with her, even shifting from actual soled, cuffed boots into the sort of soft, aerialist boots Nightcrawler wears to use his wall climbing abilities. Rogues powers do not shift her clothes, ever.

(Yes, I know "Das Boot" actually means "The Boat"...)

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, during the whole issue, Rogue's boots are colored yellow instead of green as they are in this costume, and there few eye coloring mistakes, and a couple of accented letters.
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If you look at how trigger happy I was this week (and believe me, the ratings in the rundown stuff are kind of similar), it's no surprise that the forty-nine dissections we had yielded a 7.3 Bazzars average. Hmm... Cover Of The Week is this excellent piece by the talented Skottie Young


Oz propaganda? Brilliant. Now, the Moments Of The Week. First up, Hal Jordan has an idea to defeat Nekron:


... I didn't say it was a good idea... Then, Bendis keeps showing how well he "gets" Spider-Man:


That's funny stuff... And last, but not least, how deep is the connection between the future Science Police and the current one?


Yeah, about half of its members and its leader are legionnaires... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!