The Dissector

The Dissector #153.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"You listen to me, Twilight. My God, is that really the name you picked? I lived that idea first, right? (And my vampire was so much better.)" Buffy, Buffy The Vampire Slayer #33.

I guess that with that name, Twilight could have only been Angel, as was revealed in that Buffy issue. Of course, I guess he's some alternate dimension Angel, or an imposter... or maybe he's actually Angel, since Angel's comic and Buffy's are published by different companies, I guess we can call them different realities now... Welcome to the column for comics released on 03/03; you can go look at the 2009 Autopsy Awards winners if you'd like, and thanks to all the creators who commented on their awards.

Last week's DT! wasn't solved, which is strange considering how sharp my readers are. Claremont has Havok say that he and Polaris are scientists specialized in Native American culture and history; implying they're anthropologists, historians, or something along those lines. Alex Summers and Lorna Dane actually have degrees in geophysics; which has nothing to do with Native Americans studies.

Before The Rundown (short as it is this week), let's see The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book Of The Week was Adventure Comics V1 #511. While not a wonderful comic, it's full of Legion goodness, and I'm a sucker for that. Worst Book Of The Week was X-Men Noir: Mark Of Cain. I just can't see the point or any rhyme and reason for this Noir book; it's even more pointless than the previous one with the X-Men. This is odd, because I usually love everything Fred Van Lente writes.

The Rundown: The Boys (accented letter), G.I. Joe (Dr. Orizama's are blue first, then brown), Green Hornet (accented letter), JSA All-Stars (Green Lantern's costume and ring are wrong, the Wizard's moustache disappears between panels, and Atom Smasher's eyes and hair are colored incorrectly), Ultimate Comics New Ultimates (accented letter), X-Men: Hope (Hope's eyes are colored wrong, and Steve Dillon, an artist well known for his Punisher work, draws a bullet extracted from someone with no deformation). Wow, more like a light jog, wasn't it? Dissections:
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"RETRO COMPUTERS."

TITLE: Adventure Comics V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 511.

CULPRIT: Sterling Gates (writer) and Travis Moore (penciller).

DISSECTION: I understand how, for narrative purposes, you might want to put information on computer screens in English, but it's still wrong. Brainiac 5's computers on Colu should display data in Interlac, or even Coluan.

On another matter... WHY ISN'T QUISLET ON EITHER THE @@#$%&# COVERS?!?!?!? Main cover artist Francis Manapul told me "she wasn't on the list"; and the variant cover (or main cover if, as I do, you follow the original adventure number) is a collage of inner art panels. So I ask... are the editors conspiring against Quislet? HUH?

He doesn't get lines inside the issue, and in most panels he's not even seen (when he should be). The same happens in this week's "Last Stand Of New Krypton", and I just couldn't bear it... and sent Sterling Gates a Facebook message. He replied "Just you wait. Quislet's day in the sun is coming. :)".

*nerdgasm*

By the way, Quislet is an energy being from another dimension, with, as far as it's been shown, no gender. While I understand why I and other people refer to Quislet as "him"; it struck me as odd that Manapul used "she". Is he even familiar with the character, or was it a personal choice? Know what I did? I went and asked him again, and he said "probably cause i had no idea who it is. lol I just assumed since it sounds like a girls name. :)". What, dear reader, you don't know who Quislet is either? Read up.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There are also several character design errors, and Timber Wolf's identified as having superstrength and superspeed... he doesn't actually have enhanced reflexes, which grant him a measure of enhanced speed, that while somewhat superhuman, are not exactly "superspeed" in the speedster sense. Also, penciller Julián López is credited as "Julian López"... close enough, editors and letterer...
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"BEST COLMN."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 145.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: While working on the Autopsy Awards winners I found several errors on my own columns. For example, I wrote "Best Bok" in #145.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Other minor errors in #s 112, 131, 133, and 134.
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"CRY FOR DISSECTION."

TITLE: Justice League: Cry For Justice (DC).

ISSUE: 07 of 07.

CULPRIT: Mauro Cascioli, Siya Oum, and Giovani Kososki (colorists).

DISSECTION: This book is a mess; not only it's a horrible read, but also Cascioli couldn't finish a miniseries in time and had to get artists Scott Clark and Ibraim Roberson to work the art with him... to boot, one of the two (I'm not familiar with either's style) draws in a style very close to Cascioli's; so all the art dissections will go to the three of them...

In any case, what's the problem below?


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Lots of other errors, like Hal's badge being wrong (though one of Cascioli's stand-ins, the one whose style is more distinctive, almost gets it right), other costuming mistakes, eye coloring mistakes, and Ray Palmer's eyes alternating between being behind white lenses in his mask or completely visible.
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"MON EL'S MESMERIZING SHIELD."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 697.

CULPRIT: Blond (colorist).

DISSECTION: Longtime reader J. Corbin noticed that in this issue from some weeks ago, Mon El's S-shield changes color constantly. While at first the lighting conditions might cause that, after he leaves the burning ruins of the Science Police HQ, that doesn't fly. Badge for you, Mr. Corbin.

Also, I was noticing that books out in March were showing Sensor Girl's costume to be sleeveless, and I thought it was a mistake. Actually, her new costume is sleeveless, but in the last page of Superman #697, she's drawn with shorter gloves and with sleeves (there's a change of artist midway through the book). In any case, her current costume has opera gloves (gloves that go past her elbows, in a nod Projectra's original costume); but she's being drawn with shorter gloves... oh, and her eyes should be blue, not green.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for the emblem color changes.
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A very normal 6.3 Bazzars average in thirty seven dissections. Normal, indeed. Now, Cover Of The Week is again one of the gorgeous alternate pinups by Jelena Djurdjevic:


She manages to make a C-lister like Lyra (I had to go check what her name was beyond She-Hulk II) look amazing; and adds that subtle, yet suitable background to keep it from being just a pin-up. Keep it up, Jelena. Now, Moments Of The Week... first up, Andrew knows when it's clobberin' time:


Too bad he's the one who gets clobbered... Now, the next MOT and the following one are from older comics; I recently watched all of Fringe, then caught up with the six issue mini released last year by Wildstorm. I understand how sometimes you can't have characters looking too much like the actors... which isn't the case here, because in other instances the characters look like the actors in this mini. Why this, then?


Why does Dr. Walter Bishop, still in the sanitarium, look like Saddam?!?!?! Even when young, Bish had his sense of justice:


... and humor. And last, Brainiac 5:


... level 12 douche. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!