The Dissector

The Dissector #152.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Despite all appearances, I think Captain Rogers is trying very hard NOT to die." Admiral Dickins, about Buck Rockers' daredevil stunts, Buck Rogers #9.

"Ionic air propulsion. Electrostatic levitation. Electrogravitics. The Biefeld-Brown Effect and electro-fluid dynamics. Nothing here is invented. It simply appears to be uchronic, counterfactual, sitting in the break of a time out of joint. Everything I tell you is true. It's everyone else who's been lying to you. I am Captain Swing." Captain Swing, London, 1830, Captain Swing And The Electrical Pirates Of Cindery Island #1.

Welcome to the column for books released on 02/24, ending the month of February. Two quotes? Hell yeah, I wanted it to It's not exactly steampunk, more like electricpunk, since there's no actual steam involved, but Warren Ellis has done it again, and he brings Raúlo Cáceres, who already dazzled me in Crécy, as well as his variant covers for other Avatar books. Now, while Doktor Sleepless fizzled and is not as fun as it was originally (and when was the last time it was released?), but this book is only a four issues mini, so no dangers of that. It didn't make book of the week, but it almost did. The quote, in particular, is another incidence of Mage: The Ascension references in comics I've mentioned before, some of them by Ellis himself. And the Buck Rogers quote was just fun!

Still a few days to vote on the Autopsy Awards 2009, no idea when I'll get around to posting the winners, but until I do, your votes still count. Last column's DT! was guessed jointly by JohnnyDoe and Emerre. Emerre said that the bullet held up by Dick is not deformed, as if it never hit a target, and JohnnyDoe added that it looks unfired (with the casing and all). The artist was even kind enough to draw a rectangle around the dissection! :)

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book Of The Week was, and I'm easy to please sometimes, Superman #697. Plain and simple, the Legion Of Super-Heroes in action, and the return of my favorite legionnaire. See the Moments.. for more on that. The Worst Book Of The Week was Teen Titans #80, boring story, confusing dialogue, plain art. That simple.

The Rundown! The Amazing Spider-Man (accented letter), Black Lantern Green Arrow (Hal badge is wrong on the cover and inside the book, Barry's eyes are covered by his mask, and Connor's mother's eyes are blank in a flashback), Blackest Night (the badges for Hal, Kyle, Kilowog and Guy are wrong, and Ganthet's badge changes between panels), Blackest Night: JSA (Alan Scott's emblem is wrong, as well as Atom Smasher's... which looks more like a flower than anything else), God Complex (Raiders Of The Lost "Arc"?), Gotham City Sirens (Riddler's hair is wrong), Justice Society Of America (Alan's emblem is wrong, and Jay's hair is colored incorrectly), Madame Xanadu ("Caeser" was the leader of Rome?), Nation X (character heights are wrong, and eye colors too), Secret Warriors (Nick Fury's eyes are wrong), Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts (Riker's eyes are colored brown instead of blue... and blue for a panel; and a crewmember is missing his rank insignia), Teen Titans V3 ("totake" instead of "to take"), The Marvels Project (Namor's ankle wings are huge), The Flash: Rebirth (Jay's emblem and Hal's badge are wrong), Thor V1 (Volstagg's eyes, which should be blue, are colored green first, then brown), Wizard Magazine ("forward" instead of "foreword", "oseven" instead of "seven", and "speicals" instead of "specials"), Wonder Woman V3 (Power Girl's shoulderpad cape clasp is missing on the cover, then inside the book the leather strap becomes a braided strap, then goes back to leather, gets too thick, and disappears for a panel), X-Force V3 (Selene's eyes). Dissections!
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"LOBE GLOBE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 151.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: In the DT!, I wrote "Batman's globes" instead of "Batman's gloves".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"AUNT MAY, TAKE YOUR MEDS."

TITLE: Spider-Man: The Clone Saga (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: Tom De Falco (writer).

DISSECTION: When little May Parker (MJ and Peter's daughter) is kidnapped, Aunt May posits that it can't be for ransom, since Peter and MJ can't pay a lot of money. Right, it's not like MJ has been a famous actress and model.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Aunt May might be senile. Also, the Scarlet Spider's hoodie is colored incorrectly on the cover, as well as Harry and Norman Osborn's eyes.
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"BEAR MOUNTAIN."

TITLE: Thunderbolts (Marvel).

ISSUE: 141.

CULPRIT: Jeff Parker (writer).

DISSECTION: Grizzly, the newest member of the Thunderbolts, is called "Marko" by Paladin; but Grizzly's real name is Maxwell Markham. "Marko" would be Michael Marko, aka Man Mountain Marko, who Jeff Parker has also used in his Agents Of Atlas book, as an ATF agent sent by Norman Osborn after the Atlas Foundation.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, on the roster at the beginning of the book, Headsman's there when he was shot last week, and Grizzly's missing, when he's been on the team for a few issues now.
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"COX SUCKER."

TITLE: X-Factor V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 202.

CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).

DISSECTION: Attention, rant coming...

Jeromy Cox: Monet St. Croix has brown eyes, not blue or green; Namor's should be grey, not whatever weird color you gave him; Layla Miller's eyes are green, not blue; Reed Richards has brown eyes, not blue ones; and Ben Grimm, usually called "Ever Lovin' Blue Eyed Thing"... yes, you guessed it, has BLUE EYES, NOT BROWN ONES!!!! ALSO, YOU MIGHT WANT TO AVOID COLORING LAYLA LIKE SHE'S MONET, SKIN, HAIR AND COSTUME!!!

Your job is to color these books, and I know it can be a hard, detailed job. But can you at least work with character references in front of you, FOR RAINBOW RAIDER'S SAKE?!?!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: I'm fucking giving 9 Bazzars to each of these, just because of Jeromy's complete inability to color ONE CHARACTER RIGHT. Also, the word "monologuing" is spelled "monologing".
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"FOREVER DISSECTION."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Surprisingly, the only two dissections in this issue were a character having blank eyes, and this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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This column ended up with a 6.5 Bazzars in fifty four dissections. I thought it'd be higher. Now, Cover Of The Week comes from Captain Swing:


Nice shot of Captain Swing's ship, and a good cover design to look like a Victorian catalogue. Now, Moments Of The Week, first up, QUISLET RETURNS!!!


WHOOOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOY!!!! Yeah, my favorite legionnaire is back, HELL YEAH!!! And now, guess which member of the Flash family is not happy about the whole Barry return thing?


Yep, Jai. He's apparently lost his powers, and that face tells me we might that someday in the future, we might have a Rogue who's actually related to the Flashes... Then, more Legion goodness!!


Chameleon's facial expression is downright Kevinmaguiresque, don't you think? Still in DC, artist Cameron Stewart reminds us that Damian Wayne is not completely Caucasian:


Good work, Mr. Stewart. And finally, part of a Wizard article on Kick-Ass


Wow, it's a good thing Vaughn is DRAWING INSPIRATION FROM THE COMIC HE'S BASING HIS MOVIE ON!!! In the immortal words of Chris Rock "You're supposed to, you dumb motherfucker!" That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!