The Dissector #169.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Can't waste precious neurons on likeable morons (...)" Brainiac 5, Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #2.

I know I'm late, but I'm on vacation, so... This is the column for books released on 06/23, and nobody cracked the DT! last week. Look at the bottle's label... it says "ce Australia", for "Produce Australia". That should be "producT OF Australia"... it was subtle, I know.

What are The Dissector's Picks Of The Week? Best Book Of The Week was Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #2, Levitz keeps showing he understands this team, and Yildiray Cinar's art (with Francis Portela's help this time) is a perfect blend of classic and modern. Worst Book Of The Week? It was almost Sea Bear & Grizzly Shark #1, but then I realized that book wasn't actually that bad, it was just not to my liking. No, Worst Book was The Authority: The Lost Year #9... just bland, with poor jokes, and a complete waste of a 22-page comic book story.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man (Araña's first name should be "Anya" not "Añya", plus, the ñ's are the wrong size), Angel (Connor's eyes are the wrong color), Avengers V4 (wrong eye colors on Iron Man and Namor), Batman: Streets Of Gotham (Batman's gloves are wrong), Batman: The Return Of Bruce Wayne (Hal Jordan's gloves are colored wrong), Blackbeard: Legend Of The Pyrate King (accented letters), Detective Comics (Batman's gloves, what else?), Fantastic Four (a space is missing in the cover lettering, Leech's head looks wrong), Iron Man Legacy ("neigboring"), Justice League: Generation Lost (the KFB doesn't exist anymore, Batman's gloves and belts are wrong), Justice League: The Rise Of Arsenal (Hawkgirl's hair is colored wrong), Namora V2 (geez Namora, the Atlantean settlers you went to find HAVE BLANK EYES, didn't that clue you in to the fact they were being controlled by an ancient sea god? Oh, wait, it was just the artist being lazy... and the writer thinks "Camden" is the city were Nitro exploded before Civil War), Origins Of Marvel Comics (Reed Richards' eyes should be brown, Xavier's school has never been for "exceptional youngsters", Wakanda doesn't sell Vibranium, T'Chaka wasn't killed in a Vibranium theft attempt, the Black Cat doesn't rob the rich to give to the poor, Iron Fist doesn't do "kung fu", or even "wu shu" if we were being technical, it's Mark Texeira, not "Texiera"), Power Girl V2 (Guy Gardner's hair is colored wrong), Sea Bear & Grizzly Shark ("missle"), Secret Warriors (Dum Dum Dugan's first name is "Timothy", not "Thaddeus"), Superman/Batman (accented letter), Thunderbolts (Norse trolls look nothing like they should), X-Factor V3 (M doesn't have blue eyes, Jeromy Cox!!!), X-Men Legacy ("pule" rifle).
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"ADAM'S APPLE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 168.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Vice Admiral of the HDSC Snakebyte noticed I wrote "Art Adam's" instead of "Art Adams'". Badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"GREEN TIME."

TITLE: Green Arrow V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: JT Krul (writer).

DISSECTION: Due to the fact that three issues of Green Arrow/Black Canary were called "Green Arrow", or rather, "Black Lantern Green Arrow", this could be V5... but I'm going to consider those Black Lantern issues to be just a "cover gimmick". Anyhow, the problem here is that according to Green Arrow, the events in JLA: Cry For Justice were six months ago... it doesn't jive with the rest of the DCU timeline right now...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Hal Jordan's badge is wrong too.
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"JET BLACK BEAUTY."

TITLE: Green Hornet (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Kevin Smith (writer).

DISSECTION: Come on Kevin, do you really expect us to believe that the Black Beauty can do MACH FIVE?!??!?! Five times the speed of sound?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Fantasy is one thing, ridiculousness is another.
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"BADGES, THEY ARE A CHANGING."

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 49.

CULPRIT: Ardian Syaf (penciller).

DISSECTION: It gets stupid... John Stewart's badge is wrong to begin with, then it changes to another wrong shape, and then two a third shape...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, three times. And Kyle's badge is wrong too.
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"UNDER THE RADAR."

TITLE: Joker's Asylum II: Killer Croc (DC)

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Mike Raicht (writer).

DISSECTION: Are we really supposed to believe that Killer Croc can work as enforcer for an upstart mob boss for two weeks without GCPD and Batman not hearing about it, while he performs bloody assassinations for his master?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"IN SPACE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU FUNK."

TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes (DC).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Okay, Tyroc has sonic powers, how the hell is he using them in space? Legionnaires can talk to each other in space because their flight rings have communication devices that are probably telepathic in part, or whatever other technology that works similarly... but how is he sonically blasting rocks in space?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Ultra Boy's power listing is incomplete, when Mon-El's detailed.
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"DISSECT THIS NEVERENDING BATTLE."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 700.

CULPRIT: Bernard Chang (penciller).

DISSECTION: What's wrong here? And no, it's not Superman's horrible face...


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Batman's emblems are wrong in one story.
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An average of 6.3 Bazzars in fifty three dissections is pretty normal around these parts... Now, Cover and Moments... Yeah, I know I'm easy, but this propaganda piece by Tony Harris and JD Mettler is the Cover Of The Week:


Russian propaganda posters are one of my weaknesses. First Moment Of The Week is the return of Tyroc:


What the hell? Couldn't he keep the 'fro or a modern uniform inspired by his classic one? Bald, and wearing that uniform, he looks like Synch. Next, watch out, Arcade!


Reality Warp Kid is coming after you!!! Then, something... unsettling...


Oookay... Now, what's the U.S.Agent up to since his rather gruesome fate during Siege?


Oh, a desk job! He doesn't want "actual" cybernetic implants because he doesn't want to be a cyborg like Nuke, the guy who maimed him... but he had not problem getting powers from the Power Broker. Next, if you thought Nick Fury was a bastard, check out Ultimate Nick Fury:


Oh no, he didn't! Then, from X-Men: Second Calling, Magneto battles the Nimrods... with his mostly metal asteroid as his weapon!


And last, Cypher "gets it":


It's just a matter of language, after all... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #159.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"--The hell? (...) they're in prehistory (...) I hope no one steps on a butterfly and makes me have a mustache." Bob, Agent of Hydra... or A.I.M., Hulked-Out Heroes #1.

Sorry for the lateness, but here we are with the column for comics released on 04/14. Donald313 correctly noticed that Odin has two eyes in the retro-DT!, so that solves that. Now, the Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week was Star Trek: Leonard McCoy, Frontier Doctor #1. John Byrne's artwork might be a tad outdated, but it's detailed and clean, perfect for a Star Trek book based on TOS, and it's clear he understands the setting and the characters. Worst Book Of The Week was Hulked-Out Heroes #1... pointless, I'm tired of Deadpool, at least the Sentry is lame but he's not the star of seven or ten books at the same time. It did have ONE quote that made me laugh, as you can see.

The Rundown: A-Team: War Stories: Face (French language mistake), Action Comics (Jay Garrick's emblem, Captain Atom's hair), Adventure Comics V1 (Matter-Eater Lad's gloves should be fingerless, and you can even see the aritst drew them that way, but the colorist just painted his fingers black), Batman (Riddler's hair is colored wrong), Booster Gold V2 (Rip Hunter's eyes and hair are wrong), Fall Out Toy Works (Tiffany's eyes are colored wrong on the cover), Green Arrow V4 (Atom's eyes are colored wrong, and Batman's chest emblem is completely wrong), Iron Man: Legacy ("paramiltaries"), Iron Man Noir (Pepper Potts' eyes should be green), Siege: Loki (numerous accented letters, also eye colors and designs), Siege: Young Avengers ("Broxtan", Oklahoma), Spider-Man: Grim Hunt: The Kraven Saga (Dear Handbook Guys: When putting an image in a profile, avoid having it obscure the text, particularly of non-context guessable information like the number of the issue of the character's first appearance), Ultimate Comics Enemy ("Latervia"), Web Of Spider-Man V2 (Marko's eyes are colored incorrectly again; at least the mobster is Don "Silvio" now), X-Factor Forever (Jean's eyes are wrong on the cover, and Trish Tilby's are wrong inside), Zorro Matanzas (Spanish language errors in spades... particularly "cajones" instead of "cojones").
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"JACKPOTALIZED."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man Presents: Jackpot (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Marc Guggenheim (writer).

DISSECTION: "Pharmacalized"? Whu-what?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Making up random words, a no-no after the age of three.
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"DOCTOR?"

TITLE: Black Widow V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Marjorie Liu (writer).

DISSECTION: The Black Widow gets trussed up like a Turkey in the street; so she gets taken to a hospital. While finishing up surgery on her, one of the doctors asks the other if "he checked if she has her liver, kidney, spleen..." (you know, what REAL doctors would call her internal organs), to which the other doctor answers, without much certainty, that he "saw them during the exam". That is the most unconvincing piece of medical dialogue I've seen in a long time.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"IN SOVIET RUSSIA, COMICS READ YOU!"

TITLE: Black Widow V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: John Rhett Thomas (writer, Black Widow Files).

DISSECTION: You know, all these "Saga" things Marvel puts together are very helpful for getting up to speed on characters, particularly when they're included in the first issue of a book, instead of being a separate one-shot (like the TWO Kraven family books Marvel put out on this same week). However, character histories need to be revised, particularly in Marvel's case, when continuity has never been rebooted in the main universe, only retconned here and there.

In this case, the problem is Soviets. Yes, the Black Widow has been injected with a serum that slows her aging, among other things, which allows her to retain much of the Cold War parts of her origins... but that's about it, her interactions, alongside other characters like Iron Man or the Avengers, with Soviet agents are no longer workable. The modern Marvel characters have been active for around 15 years in their sliding timescale, in fact, Tom Brevoort said the other day that Peter Parker is about 27 years old, which means he's been Spider-Man for only twelve years. (Me, I'd rather think he's more like 30, perhaps 32.)

There is only so much you can blame on rogue or splinter post-Iron Curtain fall Soviet whacko groups. That will work for characters who have only faint connections to the Cold War, for example, saying that the Crimson Dynamo that first attacked Iron Man was from one of those rogue Soviet groups... because even if Tony Stark has been active as Iron Man longer than Spider-Man (and I doubt it, or at least it can't be much longer), the USSR fell in 1991... that's almost twenty years ago, folks.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"BRIGHTEST DISSECTION!"

TITLE: Brightest Day (DC).

ISSUE: 00.

CULPRIT: Fernando Pasarin (penciller).

DISSECTION: So, Barry Allen visits Captain Boomerang in prison, but there's something wrong with this picture:


DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Also, Hal Jordan's emblem is wrong on both covers and inside the book, Barry's eyes are colored incorrectly, and Martian Manhunter's pants are missing on the variant cover.
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Thirty-nine dissections leave us with an average of 6.1 Bazzars; on the lower end of the usual range. Cover Of The Week is another Iron Man variant that has nothing to do with the book it's for:


This funky gladiator is by Gabriele Dell Otto; whose comic art is a bit unmoving, but he makes good covers. Moments Of The Week now, we start with some Quislet action!


The scene was longer, so I had to choose a part of it. Next, Flash meets the Legion!


... or not. Cool stuff, great start for the new Flash book. Then, a fun Winnie the Pooh parody:


Trap someone you want to get rid of inside the body of a stuffed animal in la-la-land? Genious. And last, Zorro... unsettles me:


Err... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #155.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Look at them, Glory... 129 new taxpayers all. Officially. Every new citizen is like a tiny Monopoly man with an accent." Hizzoner J. Jonah Jameson, Mayor Of New York, during a US citizen naturalization ceremony, The Amazing Spider-Man #625.

Welcome to the column for comics released on 03/10. Sadly, the DT! from last week wasn't cracked, so I'll have to tell you. The problem with that panel was that Patriot and Black Marvel are lifting what looks to be a 105mm Howitzer M2A1 artillery piece (aka M101 Howitzer), which weights 2260 kg; and if it's another type of howitzer, even more... but neither character has superstrength, or any other superpowers for that matter.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was The Amazing Spider-Man #625; with good art by Max Fiumara and a touching story by Joe Kelly. What happens is what we all knew would happen, but at least I hoped it wouldn't: the original Rhino's wife is killed by the newcomer, and that leads him to become the Rhino again and blame Spider-Man for all his woes... Worst Book Of The Week was the X-23 one-shot, unappealing art, and an unnecessary and convoluted story.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (eye colors wrong, including some that change between pages, one name incorrect), American Vampire (ñ and accented letter), Avengers Vs. Atlas (Pym's eyes are not green, and he's not a physicist), Batman (Batman's gloves and chest/belt emblems are wrong, with the chest emblem even changing between pages), Dark Avengers (Norman's eyes), Doctor Who (the Doctor's sonic screwdriver is wrong on the cover), Green Arrow V4 (Ollie's wearing the costume from Smallville on the cover), Green Lantern Corps V2 (assorted badges and rings are wrong), Hulk V3 (Banner's eyes are colored wrong; as are Cyclop's boots), The Incredible Hulk V1 (Banner's eyes), Nation X (for some reason, Wolverine has brown hair and eyes, and Magneto's boots and gauntlets look like they did in the 60s), Nova V4 (accented letter), Siege (Norman's eyes), Spider-Man & The Secret Wars (eye color wrong on Doom and Reed), Spider-Woman V4 (Spider-Man's chest emblem is missing for a page), Supergirl V6 (Matter-Eater Lad's hair is wrong, as are Projectra's gloves; and someone's got blank eyes), Superman 80-Page Giant V2 (Green Arrow's costume is wrong, and why do Clark and Lois have separate single beds?), Titans V2 (Speedy's hat is wrong), X-23 V2 (Jubilee and X-23 get their eyes colored incorrectly), X-Factor Forever (Archangel's eyes are missing, Trish Tilby's eyes should be blue, Master "Meld", and Gammenon The "Gather"), X-Men: Legacy (accented letters). And, of course, your dissections:
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"ALL OF YOUR BASES BELONG TO US."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 154.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: When I meant to say "there are advanced cybernetics technology in the DCU", I missed the word "are". Thanks to Donald313 for spotting that, and badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"SEA PANTHERS."

TITLE: Doomwar (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Maberry (writer).

DISSECTION: Wakanda, a landlocked country (although it borders with Azania and Kenya through Lake Turkana, formerly Lake Rudolf), is said by the Dora Milaje to have a navy 30,000 strong... What? Numbers, numbers... navies from landlocked countries include the Azerbaijani Navy (2,200 strong), and the Bolivian Naval Force (5,000). Then there's other, more famous navies like the French Navy (with 42,866 soldiers and 7,200 civilians), or the Royal Navy of the UK (42,600 active personnel and 38,510 reserve personnel). Or if you want smaller, or poorer countries, you've got the 42,000 strong Royal Moroccan Navy Force... but Morocco has a large coastline.

Why would Wakanda, a landlocked country which is one of the most advanced (if not the most) country in the planet, and only a tiny lake to sail have a navy almost the same size as the French navy? Lake Turkana (sometimes called the Jade Sea) has little more than a tenth of the surface of Lake Michigan (6,000 square km against 58,000), a little less than half of its average depth (30 meters against 85), and about a third of its maximum depth (109 meters against 281). Yes, some landlocked countries keep part of their navies stationed in ports belonging to other countries; but that doesn't make much sense for Wakanda, a traditionally isolationist nation.

If you want to exaggerate, give them a 5,000 strong navy (like my country's) and arm them with the advanced technology all Wakandan troops have. Thirty thousand is just a random number Maberry pulled out of his head.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. I wanted to give it a higher rating, but it doesn't really affect the story or go against anything already established in continuity... just against common sense. Also, Doom and Nightcrawler have their eyes colored incorrectly. Oh, and I just noticed that colorist Jean-François Beaulieu has his name spelled incorrectly as "Jean-Francois".
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"GREEN WRONGNET."

TITLE: Green Hornet: Year One (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 01

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: Oh my... a Dynamite book written by Wagner, lettered by Bowland, and one that includes a character who is not American. Of course it's riddled with mistakes, but not on a Zorro level. I'll list them, anyway:

French: Poorly constructed French dialogue, including "francais" instead of "français", accented letters.

English: "Comprehesion", "compostition", and "emporer".

Japanese (Romanized): "Saumrai".

For fuck's sake, Wagner, you're a good writer, what's this all about?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each. The art is pretty good, but this doesn't stop penciller Campbell from drawing a mysteriously floating duffel bag resting on Britt's shoulder.
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"HERCULES: DISSECTION OF AN AVENGER."

TITLE: Hercules: Fall of an Avenger (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 02.

CULPRIT: Ariel Olivetti (artist).

DISSECTION: Apart from numerous coloring errors (including giving Amadeus Cho blue eyes), there's this:


Spot it, so commands Zeus!

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. You know what, it's actually a double one, in addition to what you need to spot, Hercules' costume is wrong.
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"SMELL LIKE IRON."

TITLE: L.A. Times Online (or possibly, Diesel).

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Unknown.

DISSECTION: It seems that Diesel has launched an Iron Man 2 cologne, based on their "Only The Brave" fragrance. Do they want you to smell like engine oil and vodka?

You know what's funny? The article says the box has early Iron Man comics on it; but those panels are from the current Iron Man title, Invincible Iron Man, and Iron Patriot, Victoria Hand, the Black Widow, and Maria Hill.

Hopefully, the L.A. Times didn't actually have a picture of the box and they made a mock up of it; with the wrong comics. It'd be terrible if Diesel actually stuck Norman Osborn.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. I know I don't usually report stuff that's not on actual comics, with the exception of Wizard Magazine or my own blog... but this was too much to let it slide.
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"TO STOP THEM! FAST!"

TITLE: The Torch (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 08.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (script).

DISSECTION: Ezequiel and Donald313 alerted me to some dissections in this book; a title I dropped after the first issue. Donald313 noticed some wrong German text that's incorrect; in one someone says "Aufhalten Sie! Schnell!". That´s like saying "To stop them! Fast!" It should be "Haltet sie auf!"

Ezequiel, on the other hand, noticed an accented letter that's smaller than it should be, and the Fantastic Four referred to as the "Cuatros Fantásticos", when it should be "Cuatro Fantásticos". I noticed some more dissections, since I took the time to read the issue. There's German text inside translation brackets, and there's another accented letter that's smaller than it should be... when three speech balloons before it's regular-sized. Finally, a character says "That's the Herr Doktor", which obviously has an extra "the".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each. Badges for both HDSC members.
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"DISCO DAZZLER ROGUE NIGHTCRAWLER PRETTY SAILOR PAINT ME NOW!"

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Graham Nolan (penciller) and Guillem Mari (colorist).

DISSECTION: Rogue has absorbed Nightcrawler's powers and physical features; leaving Nightcrawler looking human... and with Rogue's powers; which work on anyone but her. When Kurt touches Xavier, both of them are enveloped in a brilliant flash of yellow light, which Jean recognizes as "Rogue's power signature". Since when is Rogue's power signature a Dazzler show?!??!

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. There are also several eye colors wrong.
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A 6.4 Bazzars in eighty-four dissections, quite a number of dissections this week. Cover Of The Week stays within the same family, but this time it's by Marko Djurdjevic:


Simple, yet effective, reminiscent of a boxing or wrestling match poster. Now, Moments of The Week, full of Siege... but first, some Blackest Night:


Yeah, that's a Tholian web, and Guy Gardner is a trekkie! Then, old lovers share memories about Hercules:


Northstar? Well, Hercules was an ancient Greek hero... Then, Grant Morrison's acid dreams deliver:


Dwarven pirates in submarines!!! And after these entrées, the Siege main course:


With a beef of "Asgard shattered"...


... a dressing of "you're under arrest"...


... and a side of "you had that one coming". That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #154.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"This station will be ground up with your bones into the finest powder which we will snort in our victory orgy." Drenx commander, S.W.O.R.D. #5.

Welcome to the column for comics released on 03/10; and let me start off by saying that Donald313 noticed correctly that in last week's DT! Hal Jordan was wearing white boots. Badge for you, my friend, and thank you for the kind e-mail you sent me.

Now, The Dissection's Picks Of The Week: Best Book Of The Week was R.E.B.E.L.S. #14; great end to the Starro storyline; and a book that shows DC's space setting and characters at its best; as opposed to the latest Mystery In Space stuff which was just plain boring while trying to be "cosmic". Worst Book Of The Week was X-Men: Pixie Strikes Back #2... cute girly art, but weak writing; Kathryn Immonen confuses "oneiric" with "senseless wacky story with demons". More or less like the second Seaguy mini by Grant Morrison, "Slaves of Mickey Eye".

Now, your Rundown! Batgirl V3 (Wendy's eyes are colored incorrectly, Stephanie's eyes are blank, then are colored incorrectly), Batman: The Widening Gyre (gigantic bat ears), Cable V2 (Wolfsbane's eyes are colored incorrectly), Dark X-Men (Spider-Man's eyes are colored blue), Doom Patrol V5 (a character is missing her face for no reason in a panel), Ghost Projekt (pointless alternating of Russian and English, without translation brackets), The Human Target (wrong use of the Italian language), Lockjaw And The Pet Avengers Unleashed (wrong character design on Lockheed), The Mystic Hands Of Doctor Strange (accented letter), Powers V3 (a Nazi says "Hiel Hitler", and someone says "you're" instead of "your"), Red Robin (Alfred is shown as if living at Wayne Manor), S.W.O.R.D. (Beast still looks like a Bothan, and he also gets one toe less than he should), Superman: Last Stand Of New Krypton (Sensor Girl's gloves are too short), Web Of Spider-Man V2 (Silverback is probably an old villain of Spider-Girl, but Don "Silvo"?!?!? I'm sorry, "Silvo" is not a person's name, for God's sake, it's a metal polishing product. Try "Silvio".), Wolverine: Savage (Wolverine has slightly sharp canines, not vampire teeth), Wolverine: Mr. X (Norman's eyes). Go on to the dissections, now.
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"D.R.B.P.?"

TITLE: B.P.R.D.: King Of Fear (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Guy Davis (artist).

DISSECTION: The "D" of BPRD in a downed plane is missing it's lower right corner, just barely. Then by the next panel, the lower half of the letter and a corner of the (previously untouched) "R" are missing, causing Liz to say she can't make out the last letter at all.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"BREAKING COMICS."

TITLE: Breaking Into Comics The Marvel Way! (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 02.

CULPRIT: Kathyrn Immonen (writer) and/or Serena Ficca (artist), Runaways story.

DISSECTION: By all means, if you're an artist, just shimmy up to an editor at a convention or publish your stuff on your DeviantArt page or some other internet site and we'll see it and you will break into comics!!! Even if you're from the ass-end of the world, you'll get published, no matter if you're awesome like Yildiray Cinar, or a completely talentless hack like Javier Aranda.

But if you're a writer, well, then, (almost) actual words by an editor: "publish your own comic books and we'll take notice of you". Real fair for writers, huh? Am I being bitter? Slightly. Am I doing something about it? Yes, making comics. And complaining.

In any case, apart from Spider-Man's chest emblem being wrong on the cover, and half of the characters in this book having their eyes colored incorrectly, the worst dissection here is having Karolina of the Runaways use her powers as if she was a Green Lantern. Yes, her beams can be concussive if she wants; but she cannot hold down someone with them as if she had a power ring.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. No idea how Cinar and Aranda actually broke into comics, they're just examples.
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"ARE YOU LOST? NEED A MAP?"

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 862.

CULPRIT: Cully Hamner (penciller).

DISSECTION: A map of the DC Earth (New Earth) is shown, and many of the fictitious countries are missing.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Batman's gloves are wrong, and Huntress' eyes are green first, then blue (correct color).
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"I MEANT THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WROTE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 153.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I made two small mistakes in the previous column; I wrote "he doesn't actually have enhanced reflexes" when I wanted to say that Timber Wolf actually has enhanced reflexes, and "in a nod Projectra´s original costume", missing the word "to". Both were spotted by Donald313, who reaches the rank of Lt. Commander! Glückwünsche, Herr Korvettenkapitän! (And yeah, that German might be wrong.)

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars for the Timber Wolf one, 3 for the Projectra one.
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"THE RISE AND FALL OF PAYING ATTENTION TO THE CHARACTERS YOU'RE WRITING AND DRAWING IN A STORY."

TITLE: Justice League: Rise And Fall Special (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: JT Krul (writer).

DISSECTION: How can Green Arrow say that the heroes considered Prometheus "kind of a joke", when he'd shown he was a villain to be reckoned with?

Plus, there's a gigantic amount of art and coloring errors in this book, enough for their own mini-rundown: Batman's cowl is colored incorrectly, his gloves and emblem is wrong, then changes to another wrong emblem, and the emblem on his belt is wrong; Hal Jordan's badge is wrong, his gloves shouldn't have visible seams, and his mask alternates between having white lenses and letting you see his eyes; Wally West's new costume shouldn't have wings on its boots, and Black Canary's costume is colored wrong. And when you thought the errors are over, here comes the faux newspaper piece where Batman's gloves are wrong again, Mr. Terrific is inexplicably not wearing a shirt under his leather jacket, Judomaster is a huge muscular man, Hal Jordan's badge is wrong, and Congorilla is the size of a small Winnebago.

On an interesting note, my friend Kal and I were discussing how dumb it is to be making a fuss about Red Arrow losing an arm, when there advanced cybernetics technology in the DCU; both of Earth and alien origin... we even said "Why, Cyborg is supposed to be his friend..." and then we noticed Cyborg examining an arm right in Roy's room... Of course, seeing the previews for "The Rise Of Arsenal" (here, and here), it was kind of predictable. Oh, of course, he has a metal arm, so he must wear no shirt, or a short-sleeved one to show it off... How Cable of him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SPEARHEAD DISSECTION."

TITLE: The Twelve: Spearhead (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Chris Weston (writer/penciller).

DISSECTION: Now, this one was obvious to me, but then again, I'm the Dissector, am I not?


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. There are other dissections too, Nick Fury's eye (he just lost the other one) is colored blue first, then correctly as brown; and Captain America's forehead "A" is shown with a military style stencil font on his mask.. it's never been that way.
<-------------------------------->
Like was to be expected, there was a 6.2 Bazzars average in the fifty-five dissections we had. Now, the Cover Of The Week will make seem like I'm being repetitive at best, or a bootlicker at worst:


Yes, Mrs. Jelena Djurdjevic once again! Now she shows us that she doesn't just paint pretty ladies, she can paint some pretty scary monsters too... Moments Of The Week; first up, Superboy & The Legion Of Super-Heroes arrive on New Krypton!


Now, Pete Woods would not have been my choice for artist on Last Stand, but you know me, I'm a sucker for Legion moments. Then, the A-Team stars in a prequel to their upcoming movie:


Not for being a classic something can't be a good MoT, right? I loved this next one:


Pimp slap! Still in Marvel, someone finally calls Iron Fist on his shoes:


Could have been worse, he could have been wearing the slippers... And last, still within the Marvel Universe, Peter Parker gets what he deserves:


Whether he deserves it for faking a photo, or for helping JJJ, that's still to be seen... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #152.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Despite all appearances, I think Captain Rogers is trying very hard NOT to die." Admiral Dickins, about Buck Rockers' daredevil stunts, Buck Rogers #9.

"Ionic air propulsion. Electrostatic levitation. Electrogravitics. The Biefeld-Brown Effect and electro-fluid dynamics. Nothing here is invented. It simply appears to be uchronic, counterfactual, sitting in the break of a time out of joint. Everything I tell you is true. It's everyone else who's been lying to you. I am Captain Swing." Captain Swing, London, 1830, Captain Swing And The Electrical Pirates Of Cindery Island #1.

Welcome to the column for books released on 02/24, ending the month of February. Two quotes? Hell yeah, I wanted it to It's not exactly steampunk, more like electricpunk, since there's no actual steam involved, but Warren Ellis has done it again, and he brings Raúlo Cáceres, who already dazzled me in Crécy, as well as his variant covers for other Avatar books. Now, while Doktor Sleepless fizzled and is not as fun as it was originally (and when was the last time it was released?), but this book is only a four issues mini, so no dangers of that. It didn't make book of the week, but it almost did. The quote, in particular, is another incidence of Mage: The Ascension references in comics I've mentioned before, some of them by Ellis himself. And the Buck Rogers quote was just fun!

Still a few days to vote on the Autopsy Awards 2009, no idea when I'll get around to posting the winners, but until I do, your votes still count. Last column's DT! was guessed jointly by JohnnyDoe and Emerre. Emerre said that the bullet held up by Dick is not deformed, as if it never hit a target, and JohnnyDoe added that it looks unfired (with the casing and all). The artist was even kind enough to draw a rectangle around the dissection! :)

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book Of The Week was, and I'm easy to please sometimes, Superman #697. Plain and simple, the Legion Of Super-Heroes in action, and the return of my favorite legionnaire. See the Moments.. for more on that. The Worst Book Of The Week was Teen Titans #80, boring story, confusing dialogue, plain art. That simple.

The Rundown! The Amazing Spider-Man (accented letter), Black Lantern Green Arrow (Hal badge is wrong on the cover and inside the book, Barry's eyes are covered by his mask, and Connor's mother's eyes are blank in a flashback), Blackest Night (the badges for Hal, Kyle, Kilowog and Guy are wrong, and Ganthet's badge changes between panels), Blackest Night: JSA (Alan Scott's emblem is wrong, as well as Atom Smasher's... which looks more like a flower than anything else), God Complex (Raiders Of The Lost "Arc"?), Gotham City Sirens (Riddler's hair is wrong), Justice Society Of America (Alan's emblem is wrong, and Jay's hair is colored incorrectly), Madame Xanadu ("Caeser" was the leader of Rome?), Nation X (character heights are wrong, and eye colors too), Secret Warriors (Nick Fury's eyes are wrong), Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts (Riker's eyes are colored brown instead of blue... and blue for a panel; and a crewmember is missing his rank insignia), Teen Titans V3 ("totake" instead of "to take"), The Marvels Project (Namor's ankle wings are huge), The Flash: Rebirth (Jay's emblem and Hal's badge are wrong), Thor V1 (Volstagg's eyes, which should be blue, are colored green first, then brown), Wizard Magazine ("forward" instead of "foreword", "oseven" instead of "seven", and "speicals" instead of "specials"), Wonder Woman V3 (Power Girl's shoulderpad cape clasp is missing on the cover, then inside the book the leather strap becomes a braided strap, then goes back to leather, gets too thick, and disappears for a panel), X-Force V3 (Selene's eyes). Dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"LOBE GLOBE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 151.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: In the DT!, I wrote "Batman's globes" instead of "Batman's gloves".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AUNT MAY, TAKE YOUR MEDS."

TITLE: Spider-Man: The Clone Saga (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: Tom De Falco (writer).

DISSECTION: When little May Parker (MJ and Peter's daughter) is kidnapped, Aunt May posits that it can't be for ransom, since Peter and MJ can't pay a lot of money. Right, it's not like MJ has been a famous actress and model.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Aunt May might be senile. Also, the Scarlet Spider's hoodie is colored incorrectly on the cover, as well as Harry and Norman Osborn's eyes.
<-------------------------------->
"BEAR MOUNTAIN."

TITLE: Thunderbolts (Marvel).

ISSUE: 141.

CULPRIT: Jeff Parker (writer).

DISSECTION: Grizzly, the newest member of the Thunderbolts, is called "Marko" by Paladin; but Grizzly's real name is Maxwell Markham. "Marko" would be Michael Marko, aka Man Mountain Marko, who Jeff Parker has also used in his Agents Of Atlas book, as an ATF agent sent by Norman Osborn after the Atlas Foundation.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, on the roster at the beginning of the book, Headsman's there when he was shot last week, and Grizzly's missing, when he's been on the team for a few issues now.
<-------------------------------->
"COX SUCKER."

TITLE: X-Factor V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 202.

CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).

DISSECTION: Attention, rant coming...

Jeromy Cox: Monet St. Croix has brown eyes, not blue or green; Namor's should be grey, not whatever weird color you gave him; Layla Miller's eyes are green, not blue; Reed Richards has brown eyes, not blue ones; and Ben Grimm, usually called "Ever Lovin' Blue Eyed Thing"... yes, you guessed it, has BLUE EYES, NOT BROWN ONES!!!! ALSO, YOU MIGHT WANT TO AVOID COLORING LAYLA LIKE SHE'S MONET, SKIN, HAIR AND COSTUME!!!

Your job is to color these books, and I know it can be a hard, detailed job. But can you at least work with character references in front of you, FOR RAINBOW RAIDER'S SAKE?!?!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: I'm fucking giving 9 Bazzars to each of these, just because of Jeromy's complete inability to color ONE CHARACTER RIGHT. Also, the word "monologuing" is spelled "monologing".
<-------------------------------->
"FOREVER DISSECTION."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Surprisingly, the only two dissections in this issue were a character having blank eyes, and this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
This column ended up with a 6.5 Bazzars in fifty four dissections. I thought it'd be higher. Now, Cover Of The Week comes from Captain Swing:


Nice shot of Captain Swing's ship, and a good cover design to look like a Victorian catalogue. Now, Moments Of The Week, first up, QUISLET RETURNS!!!


WHOOOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOY!!!! Yeah, my favorite legionnaire is back, HELL YEAH!!! And now, guess which member of the Flash family is not happy about the whole Barry return thing?


Yep, Jai. He's apparently lost his powers, and that face tells me we might that someday in the future, we might have a Rogue who's actually related to the Flashes... Then, more Legion goodness!!


Chameleon's facial expression is downright Kevinmaguiresque, don't you think? Still in DC, artist Cameron Stewart reminds us that Damian Wayne is not completely Caucasian:


Good work, Mr. Stewart. And finally, part of a Wizard article on Kick-Ass


Wow, it's a good thing Vaughn is DRAWING INSPIRATION FROM THE COMIC HE'S BASING HIS MOVIE ON!!! In the immortal words of Chris Rock "You're supposed to, you dumb motherfucker!" That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #150.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Guy swears his satellite TV gets a channel from Hell. Trouble is, how would you tell?" John Constantine, John Constantine, Hellblazer: Pandemonium.

Last weekend to vote on the Autopsy Awards, folks! For now, we'll go with the column for comics released on 02/10. JohnnyDoe cracked the DT! from last week, Vicki Vale says "...generous to Gotham over time years, but...", when it should have been "over the years" or "over time". Badge for you, man.

Best Book Of The Week was Secret Six #18; conclusion to the Secret Six/Suicide Squad Blackest Night "team up", or rather, the Ostrander/Simone writing team up. Good story, good art, good Black Lantern disposal, and good memories. And the Moment Of The Week that really made my jaw drop, see at the end of the column. Worst Book Of The Week was Action Comics 886, with a boring Kryptonian mythological story, told as a sort of illustrated bible with lots of narration boxes, more like a storybook than a comic book... ACTION. COMICS. That clue you in, Rucka & Trautmann? I like both of you as writers (and Trautmann is a great guy, never talked to Rucka), but this issue was too dense, too wordy, for this book.

The Rundown: Action Comics (Hal Jordan's badge), The Amazing Spider-Man Presents: Jackpot (the color and shape of the vials containing a drug and a sweat sample are exchanged between pages, accented letter), Angel (Spike's eyes are colored brown, then change to his correct blue), Batgirl V3 (a section of Gotham is described as a DMZ, when it's not), Booster Gold V2 (time "linie"?), Dark X-Men (Norman's eyes, Dark Beast described as "cat people"), Green Arrow/Black Canary (Hal Jordan's badge, and Wally West's eyes through his mask are mentioned, when you can't see his eyes), John Constantine, Hellblazer: Pandemonium (accented letter), The Phantom Double Shot: KGB Noir (speech balloon pointing to wrong character), S.W.O.R.D. (BEAST AGAIN!!!! And Italian dialogue is wrong), Secret Six V3 (Rick Flag's eyes are colored incorrectly), Strange V2 (Doc Strange can't get his eyes colored correctly even in his own book), X-Men: Pixie Strikes Back (accented letter). Dissections?
<-------------------------------->
"ADVENTURE DISSECTION."

TITLE: Adventure Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 510.

CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer).

DISSECTION: Check this one out, it should be pretty simple.


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, when Superboy reminisces about joining the Teen Titans, there's a character in the gathering that's unidentified... and shouldn't be there.
<-------------------------------->
"TAKE AWAY THE BEST PART OF HER COSTUME, WILL YA?"

TITLE: JSA All-Stars (DC).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist) and Richard & Tanya Horie (colorists).

DISSECTION: Power Girl's uniform ample (for lack of a better word) cleavage, or "twindow", as a reader of this column named it, is missing completely. Her Kryptonian Knockers are completely covered up.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Magog's eye is colored incorrectly, and Hourman's eye changes color midway through the backup story.
<-------------------------------->
"MIRAGE CONTACTS."

TITLE: New Mutants V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Sotocolor (colorist).

DISSECTION: Why does Mirage, a Native American, keep getting her eyes colored green or blue? Green in this case.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, they keep neglecting to mention Magik's magical abilities in the character round up.
<-------------------------------->
"NOTHEED."

TITLE: Tails Of The Pet Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Humberto Ramos (cover artist).

DISSECTION: Lockheed is drawn with segmented plate skin, and a finger (not just pointy claws) on each of his wings. Wrong character design, I have him on my arm, I should know.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DAS BOOT II."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 17.

CULPRIT: Chris Garcia (colorist).

DISSECTION: Rogue's boots are colored yellow in the story, as they were in the previous issue. Cover colorist Moose Baumann gets them right, coloring them green. Thanks to artist Graham Nolan, who in this issue draws Rogue's boots as ripped with the transformation.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Beast and Mystique have their eyes colored wrong, and in Beast's case, drawn wrong too. (Again, yes, I know "Das Boot" is not "The Boot".)
<-------------------------------->
This week gives us a 6.5 Bazzars average in thirty dissections. Now, Cover Of The Week is the following piece from the first issue of the new Human Target book:


This nice piece by Redondo, Sandoval, Rench, and Abbot reminds me of the Steranko covers for the 70s Nick Fury books. Moments Of The Week? Remember I said one from Suicide Squad... err, Secret Six had made me gape?


Yeah, he finally did it. No, he didn't kill her, but instead lodged a bullet near her heart so it can't be removed through surgery. I really don't buy that last part, not with all the medical science in the DCU, but still, it was fun. Killing her would have been too easy for Floyd. Then, Norman Osborn For President?


Well, he is not a crook, is he? And for a finale, Beast wishes for a team up... with Spidey, perhaps? Wonder Man once again? Nope:


That’s who you want to team up when you battle sentient rock aliens. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #146.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

01/06-"Everyone should ride in the trunk of a car at least once in their lives. Not that it's some profound rite of passage or an impetus to a great epiphany... it's just that I'd hate to think I was the only schmuck that ever had to do it." Dingo, Dingo #2.

01/13-"When a blackout happens, most people's first thought is, "Better light a candle." Mine is, "How many alarm systems just went offline?"" Catwoman, Catwoman #83.

COME ON PEOPLE!!! I know I have more readers, so go vote on the 2009 Autopsy Awards! Now that that's out of the way, this is the column for books released on the weeks of 01/06 and 01/13; still trying to catch up. If I can have the one for 01/20 ready for next Friday, I'll be caught up.

Last column's DT! was spotted by J. Corbin; who correctly pointed out that "Pinocchio" is spelled incorrectly in the book on Supergirl's desk. Did I mention you need to vote on the Autopsy Awards? And that you can give out this url: http://tinyurl.com/autopsy2009 for people to go and read the nominations? Oh, okay.

Best Book Of The Week for 01/06 was Suicide Squad #67; one of DC's undead titles for the Blackest Night skip month. It was good to have John Ostrander, legendary Squad writer, joined by Secret Six writer Gail Simon, who's also shown that she can write villains as leads. J. Calafiore's art is good, if not exceptional; and while the overall book is little more than a fill-in issue that could have been done as part of Secret Six (as the recent Deadshot issue penned by Ostrander), it was a nice blast from the past for Squad fans like me. Worst Book Of The Week was JSA All-Stars #2. Inconsequential plot, bad art.

Best Book Of The Week for 01/13 was Adventure Comics #509; just a little "Metropolis 500 Miles"-style Lex Luthor story; and the conclusion to Superboy's existential dilemma about him being the science lovechild of Lex and Superman: he knows he's all Superman where it counts. Manapul's watercolor art gives the book a nice retro feel; but Geoff Johns manages to mix in Silver Age elements (like Luthor's sister) into modern comics without it being ridiculous. Worst Book Of This Week was Psylocke #3... why do I keep reading this book?

Here's The Rundown: Action Comics (Hal's badge is wrong, Congorilla is too big), The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Bachalo's name is spelled incorrectly in the letters column), Batgirl V3 (it's not enough to have accented letters smaller, now dotted i's are smaller?), Batman: The Widening Gyre (Tim Drake's hair is wrong), Batman (Batman's gloves are wrong; so is The Riddler's hair), Black Panther V5 (Mr. Fantastic's eyes are colored wrong, and so are Doctor Doom's, and Doom's change between pages from the right color to the wrong one and back), Catwoman (I don't know what eye color Selina's sister has; but they change between pages), Dark X-Men (Ares' eyes are wrong), The Great Ten (Jay Garrick's costume is wrong), Greek Street (a female character is named "Rashid", when that's a male name; the female version should be "Rashida"), Green Arrow/Black Canary (Ollie says he's never seen a military unit that wears blue camo; but there are multiple examples of blue camo wearing military units around the world, including some in the USA), House Of Mystery V2 (the word "eaten" is spelled "et"), JSA All-Stars (several characters have inexplicable all-white eyes, there's a costuming mistake, and Magog's healthy eye changes from his correct blue to brown), Nation X: X-Factor (Rictor's eyes are the wrong color, Nightcrawler's costume is wrong), Nation X (Anole's arm is wrong), New Mutants V3 (Magik's mystical abilities still missing from her description), Psylocke (Betsy's eyes should be violet), Punisher Max: Get Castle (if Frank was a Marine, why is he wearing a US Army watch?), Red Robin (Rā's al Ghūl's eyes are colored incorrectly), S.W.O.R.D. (B.E.A.S.T.), Siege (Donald Blake magically grew some Banshee style sideburns; an entire page of text in the H.A.M.M.E.R. transcript files is repeated) , Spider-Man & The Secret Wars (Doctor Doom is insanely larger than Spider-Man), Strange V2 (Doctor Strange's eyes are colored wrong on the cover, then inside, then they're right), Suicide Squad (Catman's eyes should be blue, not green), Titans V2 (Roy's hair is wrong on the cover, Dinah's wearing her old costume for some reason), The Unwritten (accented letter... what, only one in the whole Rundown?). Now, let's go vote on the 2009 Autopsy Awards, and then, read this column's dissections:
<-------------------------------->
"OHNOES, IT'S AN ILLEGAL CRIME!"

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man Presents: Jackpot (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Marc Guggenheim (writer).

DISSECTION: Jackpot runs into criminals doing some "illegal smuggling" on the docks. Hey, Jackpot... all smuggling is illegal; if it's legal it's called "import/export".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SCIENCE JACKPOT."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man Presents: Jackpot (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Marc Guggenheim (writer).

DISSECTION: Jackpot got her powers while working in a lab that was researching a cure for Parkinson. They wanted to do rewriting the genetic code of every cell in the body. How? Using a virus, apparently because "that's what viruses do--they rewrite the DNA of the cells they infect." Uh... no, virus don't usually rewrite DNA or we'd be in (more) trouble (than we already are). Only retroviruses (like the HIV virus) do that, via the enzyme called "reverse transcriptase".

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SHHH!!! IT'S A SEKRIT!!!"

TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 40.

CULPRIT: Sam Kieth (writer).

DISSECTION: An enemy knows about Batman's parents dying in Crime Alley, and he thinks "No one knows about that except Alfred." Uhm? What about Robin? And if this story's before Robin came into the picture... what about Leslie Thompkins?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also; how many times do we have to go through scenes of Batman and Gordon surprised that ghosts or metahumans exist? No matter how early it is in his career, that doesn't fly.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO DISSECTS THE DISSECTOR? WELL, HIS HDSC AND HIMSELF!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: Special #06.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Donald313 found two dissections in column #145, and he also noticed that I wrote: "I admit it, I always nominate a Legion moment because love them" in the Special. That's three badges for you, Don.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. I also found a few minor dissections in older columns while working on the nominations. What nominations, you ask? The ones for the 2009 Autopsy Awards!
<-------------------------------->
"BILL OF WRONGS."

TITLE: Galactica 1980 (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Marc Guggenheim (writer).

DISSECTION: Adama in the original continuity was just called "Adama", not "William Adama" like in the new show; so this character shouldn't be referred to as "Bill" by Baltar.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. There are also some accented letters smaller than they should, including two that are not only smaller, but in a different font, and one that for some reason is in lower case while the rest of the word is in caps.
<-------------------------------->
"TORNADISSECTION."

TITLE: Red Tornado V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Kevin VanHook (writer).

DISSECTION: Check this one out:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, penciller "José Luís" or "José Luis" is credited as "Luis" inside the book and as "Luís" on the cover. One of the two is wrong.
<-------------------------------->
"UNA FLOR Y OTRA FLOR CELESTE DEL JACARANDA."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: According to Claremont, there are jacaranda trees in Wakanda's capital. Seeing as to how jacarandas are native to South America, and that Wakanda has always been pretty isolationist, I highly doubt it. Jacaranda trees exist in places other than South America; for example, Pretoria in South Africa is popularly known as The Jacaranda City because of the large amount of specimens of this tree it has.

But, I chalk it up to Claremont screwing up, knowing his recent track record.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. There are other writing and lettering mistakes; not worth mentioning.
<-------------------------------->
"CARTOGRAPHY IS NOT PROFESSOR XAVIER'S FORTE."

TITLE: X-Men Origins: Cyclops (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Jesse Delperdang (penciller).

DISSECTION: I don't care that it might be a stylized computer generated map... this is ridiculous:


DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Iceman's original costume is wrong too.
<-------------------------------->
So, we got an average of 6.3 Bazzars in a total of sixty four dissections. Let's get on with the Covers Of Each Week. Cover from 01/06 is this nicely painted cover the first issue of Siege, by Gabrielle Dell'Otto:


You can't even tell if Norman's eyes are colored incorrectly. Then, Cover from 01/13 was this retro piece from The Marvels Project #5, by Captain America artist extraordinaire Steve Epting:


He's literally jumping out at you! Now, let's go with the Moments Of The Week. One from 01/06, what the hell is the Negative Man doing?


Well, I guess looking like Tutankhamun's mummy will make you a bit lonely... Then, two moments from 01/13... first, Lex Luthor tells us how it is:


He just healed his sister and made her walk again. Yes, Lex Luthor exists!!! But what else can he do?


Yup, take his cure back. Yer a reaaal piece of work, Lexy. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes... did you vote on the 2009 Autopsy Awards yet? GO VOTE!!!

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #136.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Mine was a life of solitude and duty, Picard. I have no regrets. But for a time, I was in a unique position, working with comrades of exemplary character. Friends." Spock, Star Trek: Spock: Reflections #4.

That quote is simply beautiful; at least if you're a trekkie. Welcome to the column for books released on 10/14; I've finally caught up... for how long? Nobody caught the DT!; then again, there wasn't much time between columns. The problem was that Doctor Strange's facial hair looks nothing like it should; with a bushy handlebar moustache instead of his usual style.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week were the following; Best Book Of The Week was Adventure Comics #506; the Superboy/Robin story was very good, Johns has a handle on the core of the characters, while acknowledging how they've changed over the years. Francis Manapul new style is growing on me; although I always liked it better than his original style, which was too blocky. The Legion Of Super-Heroes second feature might feel slow to some people; but I feel they're accomplishing two things. First, they're giving us Legion fans a good, solid fix of the team; and second, they're introducing the characters to people unfamiliar to the Legion, but without drowning them in the team's long and convoluted history. Worst Book Of The Week was JSA Vs. Kobra #5... the art is mediocre; and the story is drawn out; it could have been done in an oversized one-shot or even a two or three issue mini.

Here's the Rundown: Adventure Comics (accented letter), Green Lantern Corps V2 (Kilowog's badge), The Incredible Hercules (wrong eye colors), Nomad: Girl Without A World (accented letter), R.E.B.E.L.S. (wrong eye color), Scalped (accented letter), The Marvels Project (Namor's wings are gigantic), The Unwritten (accented letter wrong, then right, then wrong), Titans V2 (wrong eye colors), Uncanny X-Men (next issue's cover has Namor with blue eyes instead of gray), X-Men Forever V2 (Beast eyes, both in the cover and inside, are shown as featureless and yellow or white, even glowing). And now, the featured dissections:
<-------------------------------->
"MERCURY FREDDY."

TITLE: Anna Mercury 2 (Avatar).

ISSUE: 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Warren Ellis (writer).

DISSECTION: One more time Ellis gets communication protocols incorrect. Anna Mercury gets in touch with her control by saying "Mercury, Launchpad."; when it should be the other way around.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BLACKESTS NIGHT."

TITLE: Blackest Night: Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: Snakebyte noticed that a panel says "puts" instead of "put" when the subject was "abominations". Badge for you, Snake.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HIS MOM FED HIM STEROIDS."

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: Annual 11.

CULPRIT: Tom Mandrake (artist).

DISSECTION: Robin is a ten-year old child... a very physically fit and trained ten-year old that can kill you with a finger, but still a ten-year old. He does not look like a miniature adult with muscles almost the same size as Azrael's

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"DC DISSECTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: Various.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: It's settled; it's not "DC Super Friends", it's "Super Friends V2". I've called it "DC Super Friends" three times; but DC is just something on the cover; the book is listed on the website as just "Super Friends"; and it's like that on the indicia of the comics themselves too. So, to sum up, the right name of the book is "Super Friends", and it's V2.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars each.
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"CROSS MY HEART."

TITLE: Green Arrow/Black Canary (DC).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Mike Norton (layouts) and/or Bill Sienkiewicz (finishes(

DISSECTION: Cupid is missing her heart-and-arrow scar.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, the first story ends with "get the rest of the story on the next page"... but the second story is an unrelated Speedy story. They seemed to have changed the second story in the last minute; because the DC website spoils the fact that one of the Green Arrows in the main story is Everyman ("the Green Arrow stabbed by Black Canary on their wedding night").
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"SHINE A LIGHT."

TITLE: JSA Vs. Kobra (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Don Kramer or Neil Edwards (pencillers).

DISSECTION: Green Lantern's emblem is wrong at one point, then right.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Plus, Jay Garrick's costume and boots are incorrect; and Power Girl's hair is wrong.
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"PASSPORT, PLEASE."

TITLE: Nation X advertisement (Marvel).

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Unknown designer/writer.

DISSECTION: Magneto's "passport" is shown; and it's obviously an allegory, because it has stamps for places that aren't a state (Muir Island, Savage Land); in fact, I doubt he's ever had a German passport at all. The name on the passport is Max Eisenhardt; it's telling that the name they chose for him has a certain meaning; one meaning of "Eisen" in German is iron; which speaks great volumes about Magneto's convictions. Cheap? Yes, but way better than his actual name being "Magnus", like Rictor's last name is "Richter" when his power was generating seismic waves. Or Otto Octavius... or Dominik's favorite, Blackagar Boltagon...

But I'm straying from the topic... The codes on the passport include his alias "Erik Magnus Lehnsherr"... but they spelled it "Lensherr".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"SUPER DISSECTION SATURDAY MORNINGS!"

TITLE: Super Friends V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Dario Brizuela (artist) and Heroic Age (colorist).

DISSECTION: Come on, this one is easy!


On another note, should I start labeling this book and Tiny Titans as "DC/DC Kids"; Marvel's "MAX" books as "Marvel/MAX", and so on? I've only done it with "DC/Vertigo" and "DC/Wildstorm"; because both Vertigo and Wildstorm are separate, not only in continuity but in subject, characters, themes, while "DC Kids" includes DC characters (apart from Cartoon Network stuff); Marvel Max, Knights and Ultimate are all about Marvel characters (although not in tone and mood, specifically MAX). I'm going to keep doing what I've done up to now, I'd like to hear your thoughts about it; but I think the most important difference is that while Vertigo and Wildstorm have their own character stables; MAX, Knights, DC Kids, Ultimate, etc, all draw from their parent lines. They are "labels", while Vertigo and Wildstorm (along with Marvel's Icon, which I just remembered) are true imprints. Next time I dissect an Icon book it's going to be labeled "Marvel/Icon".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"WEB OF COLORS."

TITLE: Web Of Spider-Man V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Andres Mossa (colorist, "Echoes").

DISSECTION: Again? Ben Reilly's eyes get colored green; then Peter's eyes are colored brown. Andres; Ben is a clone of Peter, got it?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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This week's column had an average of 6.1 Bazzars in thirty-four dissections; pretty normal. Now, the Cover Of The Week was almost this cover for Uncanny X-Men #516. It's simple, but it's also very powerful, and you all know how much of a sucker for Magneto I am. However, the below cover for Green Lantern Corps V2 #41 was way too creepy to not be the Cover Of The Week:


Patrick Gleason's pencils capture the mandatory spookiness of an undead child; who's at the same time very smug (that smug lil bastard face makes me think of my son's; who's smarter than most people and knows it). The inks are by Rebecca Buchman; and the colors by Randy Mayor and/or Gabe ElTaeb. Let's go now with the Moments Of The Week, first up, The Doctor looks like Han Solo from behind:


That made me laugh. Next, the creepy cover was only a teaser of more creepiness:


Easy? Yes. Effective? Yes, that too. Then, Sparky teaches us not to judge a book by its cover:


Or a man by his facial hair. Wise words, Sparky. Next up; Gravel is baddass:


He's like John Constantine with military training! The next one almost made me cry:


Spock lays his old friend to rest in his beloved homeland. Then, Magneto arrives!



Good entrance, nice pwning of Chuck. Let's finish these Moments with a "WTF?!":



Is that her knee? Her breast? A forward-facing hump? Kelley Jones; your exaggerated anatomy in comic book women is disgusting, not sexy.

Before I end this column; I wanted to take a moment to do something I don't normally do here... talk about something close to politics. This is a very important weekend for me, and for my country. Tomorrow my son turns five, and that's very important. He's growing up to be a very handsome, smart, and sweet child. I want him to grow up in a country where justice prevails. You see; there's presidential and congress/senate elections this Sunday in my country, Uruguay. We choose both chambers of our legislative body, and if a candidate gets more than 50% of the votes, we choose a president. If not, the two most voted candidates go to a second round where simple majority is enough.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about. We're also voting two constitutional reforms. One is important, but not vital, and its to allow our citizens living outside of the country to mail-in their ballots. The other one, however, is very, very important; it's vital. You see, Uruguay was under a military dictatorship from 1973 to 1984; a period during which many people in the military committed unspeakable acts of kidnapping, torture, rape, murder, and child theft. To this day, many people do not know where their relatives are buried, or how they died; or with what family and under what name the children that were ripped from their mothers' arms are living.

Under pressure of the military; the newly elected parliament approved a law that strongly restricted prosecution of the people responsible of those crimes, the "Law Of Expiration Of The State's Punitive Prerogative" (loose translation). There was a referendum to annul the law in 1989; but people were still afraid of what the military could do (military leaders said that even if they were called to courts, they would not go). Only during the latest government period (starting in 2004, first term where the left-wing coalition Frente Amplio, or Broad Front, held the national government) were some of these crimes truly investigated and some of the perpetrators were jailed (under humane conditions in a specially constructed prison or even their own homes, unlike what they did with their prisoners).

But we need more than 50% of voters to choose to render that tyrannical and absurd law null. This is not about political ideas, this is about justice. It's about being a person of good, it's about making a better world for our children. Does that sound corny? Well, so be it. I rather be corny than let these people draw their lofty pensions while they're free to do what they want after RAPING my country. That's why, that pink slip of paper that says "YES" to the end of that aberrant regulation that calls itself a law will go inside my voting envelope; along with the one for the mail-in vote proposal, and the one for the party I think should continue to lead the country.

Thanks for reading this, and peaceful elections for all my Uruguayan readers.


That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!