The Dissector #193.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"(...) a trip to the zoo? I like to watch the monkeys. Wild screaming, throwing poop... and sometimes the monkeys join in!" Rag Doll, Action Comics #896.

First column of 2011, but last column about 2010 books (barring a straggler or two that I might receive down the line), I hope everybody had a good new year celebration; this column was almost ready last week, but I had some work come up and couldn't finish it. We'll have the Autopsy Awards nominees very soon, so be ready to vote. Last column's DT! was solved by Donald313, who correctly noted that even with comic book science, ice plus fire don't make instantaneous rust.

There wasn't much worth looking at this week, cover-wise, but I had to choose one, so this piece by Jock for Detective Comics #872. Best Book Of The Week was The Flash V3 #8. It didn't blow my head off, but as usual, Geoff Johns tells a solid story, with a compelling origin for the Reverse Flash. While I'd prefer original book artist Francis Manapul in charge of the visuals, Scott Kolins does a good job. Worst Book Of The Week was Justice Society Of America V3 #46... it just reads very disjointed, and the just doesn't cut it for me either.

The Rundown: Action Comics (Catman's eyes are colored wrong), Angel (Angel does not have blue eyes), Astonishing Spider-Man/Wolverine (Adamantium or not, Wolverine cannot cut through a bank vault in one swipe), Batman: The Dark Knight (Croc should be in Arkham, or escaped, not able to say "you got nothing on me", Alfred's eyes should be blue, and the Penguin doesn't look like he does here), Blackest Night (Director's Cut) ("Alexandor" Luthor), Captain America V2 (Nomad's eyes are wrong, then right, and the Black Widow's are wrong), Chaos War: X-Men (Madrox never referred to his power as "cloning power", and Banshee's eyes should be blue), Detective Comics (wrong bat emblem, accented letter), Green Lantern V4 (wrong badge on Hal), Justice League Of America/The 99 (Firestorm's powers have nothing to do with "energy waves" and "isolating and tracking frequencies"), Justice Society Of America V3 (someone ask who Doctor Chaos is after receiving a note... which was anonymous... accented letter too), New Mutants V3 (Karma's eyes shouldn't be blue), Osborn (Norman's eyes shouldn't be brown; and I'll ignore the changes to green...).
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"NOBODY TOLD ME SHIT!"

TITLE: The Avengers V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: There is absolutely no way that Reed Richards wouldn't know that Black Bolt is dead. Nova has been on Earth, Hank Pym and his previous Mighty Avengers team have been on Attilan, Reed and other characters have ways of knowing this stuff...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"MOVING."

TITLE: The Avengers V4 (Marvel)

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: why the fuck do the Illuminati go to the Himalayas as "the previous site of Attilan"??!?!?! And why didn't Black Bolt transfer his Infinity Gem to the Moon when they moved there... YEARS AGO?!?!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"JOES CAN'T READ TOO WELL."

TITLE: G.I. Joe (IDW).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Chuck Dixon (writer).

DISSECTION: Dear comic book writers, "physiognomy" does not mean the same as "physiology" or "anatomy". In case you're too lazy to click on links or crack open a fucking dictionary, here are the definitions of "physiognomy":

1. the face or countenance, esp. when considered as an index to the character: a fierce physiognomy.
2. Also called anthroposcopy. the art of determining character or personal characteristics from the form or features of the body, esp. of the face.
3. the outward appearance of anything, taken as offering some insight into its character: the physiognomy of a nation.

It is not, I repeat, NOT, a word that you can use to refer to mutant physiology/anatomy (like I dissected before on an X-Men book), nor a word you can use to refer to the digitized information of a person's body for teleportation... WORDS ARE YOUR FRIENDS!!! THEY LIVE INSIDE DICTIONARIES!!! AND NOW, THEY'RE EVEN INSIDE THE INTERNET!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, "rojo bandidos" is not a correct expression in Spanish. Even using the Google translator would have given you the correct way to write it, Dixon.
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"HEROIC AGE: HANDBOOK FUCK UPS ARE STILL IN SEASON!"

TITLE: Heroic Age: Heroes (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator).

DISSECTION: I don't even know how to start, or rather how to quantify the dissections in this book. This is a profiles handbook, and, for some reason, perhaps due to being written in-universe by Steve Rogers, the usual Marvel Handbook power meters are not used. Instead, a power grid consisting of the following attributes is used: power, conscience, altruism, wisdom, courage, determination, free will, and vulnerability (in a scale from 1 to 10).

Apparently, Hoskin and his writers have no idea what many of these words mean... apart from some other minor dissections, look at how some characters are measured according to those attributes:

• Beast has an altruism of 9, while Angel, Reed Richards, Mockingbird, NAMORA, COLLECTIVE MAN, RADIOACTIVE MAN, Thor, Longshot, and JIMMY WOO have 10??!?!?!?!?!?
• Wolverine has a 5 altruism? Toro (the new bull-mutated kid, not the WWII Kid Torch) has a 7?
• Paladin (a mercenary) has an altruism of 7, same as Northstar, and more than Moon Knight? And Elixir, a healer gets 5?
• A-Bomb has a power of 8, while Angel has a 7, and American Eagle an 8. In what world are those characters of comparable power?

Vulnerability seems to be a mixture of physical and mental/emotional vulnerability, and even if you mix up the words "vulnerability" "invulnerability", switching the ends of the spectrum, it's still very fucked up:

• A-Bomb and American Eagle have the same rating, 8; and Angel a 6... making Angel less vulnerable than those two? Or only two points more vulnerable?
• Asgardians as a race have a vulnerability of 6. The same as Angel and Luke Cage.
• Captain Britain has a vulnerability of 2... if it's a physical attribute, he's not that resistant, if it's a mental/emotional attribute, his insecurities are not reflected.
• Despite his looks, the Thing is one of the most mentally stable characters in the whole Marvel universe, not to mention one of the most powerful, physically speaking. Then why does he get a vulnerability rating of 6?
• Darwin, one of the most unbalancedly powerful characters in the X-teams, has a vulnerability of 5, when he's basically indestructible?

This is delicate... Normally, a detail like this wouldn't score too high; but because this is a handbook, the attributes in the power grid are a basic part of the book. Furthermore, it's done by Steve Rogers, who's one of the better judges of character and tactical minds in the Marvel universe, so these fucked up ratings make him look like an idiot. So, what I'm going to do, is register two 10 Bazzars dissections for how horrible used the "altruism" and "vulnerability" attributes are used; and a 8 Bazzars dissection for the A-Bomb/American Eagle/Angel power levels (most other power levels in the book are basically accurate). Then I will "award" several, lower-rated dissections for the internal inconsistencies of the ratings, and the other, non-power grid dissections.

DISSECT-O-METER: Variable.
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"HEROIC AGE: BEST OF THE REST."

TITLE: Heroic Age: Heroes (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator).

DISSECTION: Just so you know what they were, here's a detailed look at the non-power grid dissections in this book:

• Bengal can't have his origin tied to the Vietnam war anymore, it's not the 80s.
• "1941on" instead of "1941 on", Black Widow's profile.
• Random "TO", like that, in capital letters, in Cyclops profile between paragraphs.
• "Presidential Medal of Freedom" is all in lower case.
• "Helmet" Zemo.
• It's "The Intelligencia", not "The Intel".

DISSECT-O-METER: Variable.
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"OH. MY. GAWD! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!"

TITLE: Heroic Age: Heroes (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator).

DISSECTION: This one was going to be part of the previous list, but it's too outrageous not to stand on its own. Steve Rogers, a 1941 super soldier who was frozen and lives today, fighting along high-tech armored technologists, sorcerers, gods, and super-powerful mutants and metahumans of all kinds, not to mention aliens, robots and random immortals, thinks that it "sounds impossible" that the current Dog Brother #1 was an orphan boy in 1841 Hong Kong. Yeah. Right.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. You don't even have to be an actual writer and understand the Steve Rogers character to realize that saying something like that within the context of the Marvel universe is just plain ridiculous.
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"UNDECIDED."

TITLE: Heroic Age: Villains (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator).

DISSECTION: This book didn't have power or other ratings such as the Heroes one, so it wasn't that badly flawed. Still, there were some errors (there's a list in the next dissection), the worst one being Steve Rogers writing about Baron Zemo (Helmut, not Helmet :) that he's not sure if he's a hero or a villain. I don't care if this Zemo has done some good, how can Steve write "I can't tell whose side he is on other than he's own. (...) the humanitarian within himself (...) I've thought long and hard about which area he should be filed, be it heroic or villainous (...)"... Really? You need to ask, Steve?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"VILLAINS: LISTED."

TITLE: Heroic Age: Villains (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator).

DISSECTION: A list of small writing and editing mistakes:

• The word "headache" should not start with a capital "H".
• Cutthroat's relationship to his sister, and how much Steve respects the latter takes up most of the villain's entry, but they never mention his real name, or who his sister is (Diamondback). In fact, since these are not actual profiles but more like Steve's notes on each character or organization, unless he mentions it in the text, you don't have each character's real name. It's not something that's needed for most entries, but in this case, the text should have included who his sister is.
• The Kingpin entry includes comments about Matt Murdock using his abilities as a lawyer to make sure he goes to jail... but the Hand entry in the same book talks about Matt being out of control as leader of the ninja cult. Lack of internal consistency...
• Norman Osborn was not made head of S.H.I.E.L.D., that agency was disbanded and a new agency, US-only, H.A.M.M.E.R., was created.
• Daimon "Hellstrrm".

DISSECT-O-METER: Various.
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"GASP FROM THE PAST."

TITLE: JLA V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 57.

CULPRIT: Mark Waid (writer).

DISSECTION: This one's too easy:


DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"UNDERWATER PAST II."

TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Stuart Moore (writer).

DISSECTION: So, the X-Men's Loa is the grand-niece of a woman Namor dated in the 40s. It's 2010, and Loa's father seems to be, at most, in his mid-40s (and I'm being generous), while she's 15-16. Loa's father is present when Namor last visits his girl in 1947, a newborn baby... which would make him 60. Yeah... um... no. While it could be possible, the guy, a normal human, looks like he's a 20-something.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Namor should have grey eyes, not blue, and he wasn't wearing that costume a couple of years ago when Loa's powers manifested.
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"THE TIMELINE IS BROKEN."

TITLE: S.H.I.E.L.D. (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Hickman (writer).

DISSECTION: Nathaniel Richards (father of Reed Richards) abandons his family and Howard Stark (Tony Stark's father) fakes his death, both to better pursue their mission as members of the Brotherhood of the Shield... in 1951. So, assuming Reed and Tony are 12 and 10... they're in their sixties now? (And I'm being generous, since Tony was a teenager when he was left legally orphaned, and Reed's father disappeared only three years before the FF got their powers.)

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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2010 ends with an average of 6.4 Bazzars in 58 dissections (or at least, the last week of comics ends like that). Let's go with the Moments Of The Week, shall we? First up, Norman Osborn is almost free again, and he has a new posse:


Be scared... very scared. Next, what's up with Colossus costume?


Ass cleavage, really? And watch out:


Spidey has been replaced by a Xenomorph!!! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #189.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Volstagg the Magnified will not suffer the claws nor yellow fangs nor crude weapons of filthy trolls! No numbers are great enough to overthrow me! Am i not the acknowledged paragon of martial virtue? Am I not the most celebrated paladin of the realm eternal? Do you know why the vast river Vaskrundr flows past the South face of Vindrbjarg Mountain in far Alfheim? Because Volstagg got tired of seeing it flow past the North face of Vindrbjarg Mountain! I barked but once and it obeyed me with fear and trembling! Now, doesn't that frost your breeches?" Volstagg The Voluminous, while slaying trolls, Warriors Three #2.

That's some quote. Get the full action in the Moments Of The Week. Let's get started, then... this is a column for books published on 12/02; as usual, there might be a few stragglers. Last week's DT! was cracked by JhonnyDoe (badge for him)... it was obviously that Hobgoblin is a very well known villain in the Marvel universe; so there's no way nobody recognized him or got a hit in metahuman databases. On another not, I need to retract from the dissections I made last week (in The Rundown) on X-Men: Phoenix Force Handbook. Turns out the character I thought had been wrongly named "Bran Braddock" was actually named "Bran", and that when I saw "Corps", instead of "Captain Britain Corps", that was right, because both names are common; since not all members are codenamed Captain Britain, despite most being Brian Braddock's alternate versions, or their replacements.

Here are The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book Of The Week was Captain America: Patriot #4. Just a great end to a very good mini... that's all. Congrats to Karl Kesel, Mitch Breitweiser, Bettie Breitweiser, and all the rest of the team. Worst Book Of The Week was almost Action Comics Annual #13... the whole retcon of Lex Luthor getting where he got because he got Apokolips tech and worked for Darkseid as a young man; or studying under Ra's al Ghul, dying and getting raised in a Lazarus Pit... this is almost as bad as that retcon a few years back where Thomas Wayne visits Krypton before its destruction, and all of Wayne Enterprises success (or at least, its resurgence since it apparently was at a low point never mentioned before) comes from Thomas Wayne (who was a medical doctor) single-handledly reverses-engineering Kryptonian technology. But no, this book at least was readable, and it had good art... two things not shared by the actual Worst Book Of The Week, JSA All-Stars #13. Not only it focuses on the less interesting members of the JSA (and is one of the most shameless spin-offs ever); but while it tells a Cyclone story, it shows the rest of the team on some space mission... but it looks like there's a lot of pages missing; as the space mission progresses from battling some sort of sandworm into being captured by aliens with no explanation how it happens... not even "meanwhile, in space" note or something like that. To boot, the art looks like this, and Howard Porter inches closely to an Autopsy Award that features bloody stumps and blunt crayolas... Oh, and there's the Cover Of The Week, by Matthew Clark and Guy Major, from Doom Patrol #17... nice, isn't it? Of course, roadkill would also look nice next to Porter's art in All-Stars, but this is actually a nice cover.

The Rundown: Chaos War: God Squad (Amadeus Cho's eyes shouldn't be blue), Doom Patrol V5 (Rita Farr's eyes shouldn't be green), Generation Hope (Wolverine's eyes are brown first, then blue), Warriors Three (an accented letter is smaller than it should be, but all others are the right size, Volstagg's eyes are first brown, then the correct blue, and Reed Richards' eyes should be brown), Women Of Marvel (Valeria and Franklin Richards should not look the same age, Reed Richard's eyes should be brown, Shanna's story shouldn't be set in 1956, and she shouldn't have superstrength).
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"HE'S SO INVISIBLE, WE DON'T NOTICE WHICH OF THE TWO HE IS HALF OF THE TIME."

TITLE: Adventure Comics V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 520.

CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Roy, one of my loyal readers, and member of the HDSC, noticed that in October's issue, Levitz labels (in the small info boxes) Invisible Kid as Jacques Foccart, the second Invisible Kid; when this is obviously the first one, Lyle Norg (due to this being a story set in the Legion's beginnings, and the fact that Norg was white and Foccart is black).

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Badge for Lieutenant Roy.
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"WHITE STAR."

TITLE: Adventure Comics V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 521.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Dawnstar is descended from Native Americans... she is not fair-skinned like Caucasians, and she does not have blue eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Twice. Get a fucking grip on the characters you are working on. Also, her powers are listed just as "long-range tracking", when she can fly and survive in space on her own. Mon-El's powers are also incomplete.
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"DISSECTION IN MARS."

TITLE: Brightest Day (DC).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns & Peter J. Tomasi (writers).

DISSECTION: This should be an easy one. Check out (old) Batman talking about getting old and his JLA friends:


DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"CHAOS ATE MY CREDITS."

TITLE: Chaos War: Alpha Flight (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Mark Paniccia (editor).

DISSECTION: Yeah.... THERE ARE NO DETAILED CREDITS IN THE WHOLE ISSUE!!! Just last names of writer, penciller, inker, and colorist on the cover... Tom Brevoort says it was a goof-up at Mark Panniccia's office; and since I don't know wich assistant editor, associated editor, or production assistant was involved, I blame solely Paniccia.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Aurora is called "Jean-Marie" instead of "Jeanne-Marie".
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"NOTHING THE DISSECTO."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 188.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I should have Donald313 read my columns before I post them. I missed a word in one dissection and a letter in a Moment. Two badges for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars for the word, 1 for the letter.
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"JSA NO-STARS."

TITLE: JSA All-Stars (DC).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Matthew Sturges (writer).

DISSECTION: As mentioned before, the outer space mission team is horribly told, not just badly written, but downright missing pages.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Not to mention several art and coloring mistakes, including Cyclone's costume.
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Only 7.1 Bazzars in twenty-six dissections, higher than usual, but lower than I thought with all those tens. Now, Moments Of The Week. First up, Quislet is passed up for a Green Lantern ring:


Come on, stupid Dyogene doesn't even acknowledge Quislet? Or maybe Levitz knows that if he makes Quislet a GL, I'll die of fanboyness... Who gets the ring?


Mon-El, proving that he can never run out of horrible costumes... White boots, Mon? And over at Buffy, who buys the farm?


Giles! I guess it's not going to be permanent, but still... shocking scene... if only Dark Horse had better artists working this book. Over at another licensed property, how do you ease your fears?


Well, if you're Monterey Jack, this way! And as a finale, the fight scene from where this week's quote came from:


Hah! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #182.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"''Smoking while pregnant may seriously harm your baby's health'' I make a point of only buying packets with this warning... I figure the odds are it won't affect me. Though with my lifestyle, I can't rule it out." John Constantine, Hellblazer: City Of Demons #1.

Eventually, I will catch up... but not right now. Here's the column for comics released on 10/13 (mostly), so let's get on with it. Last column's DT!, or at least the gist of it, was cracked by Donald313... the problem is that the timeline in that Fantastic Four scene didn't fit. The problem is with the sliding timescale. The Fantastic Four got their powers at most 15 years ago; so if you make this 20 years ago, having Sue be 19 then and 39 now (a big stretch, because she shouldn't be 39, in Marvel's terms), sound files being something so outlandish would be stupid. There were other sound file formats in 1990; not mp3s exactly yet, at least not yet public; but the tech has existed for a long time... plus, they're wearing bell bottoms... both of them... I mean, you could have just worded the scene differently to achieve the same result, without fucking up continuity, know what I mean?

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week was Iron Man Legacy #7; good script by Fred Van Lente, nice art by Steve Kurth. I enjoy seeing The Pride in action, and Iron Man building himself up from his own broken pieces. Worst Book Of The Week? Well, Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Outsiders... geez, this series of one-shots is a failure. Bruce Wayne wearing power armor? The armor doesn't even have consistent powers or limits across the different one-shots; and how could anyone who knows Bruce be unable to notice it's him in that "Insider" suit? FOR GOD'S SAKE, HE'S GOT BAT-BLADES IN HIS GLOVES, A YELLOW UTILITY BELT, AND EVEN SORT-OF-BATARANGS!!! Worst of all, having read all the books now; only Katana, Oracle, and R'as notice on their own? Yes, the others suspect something, but Dick would notice faster than any of the others... The Outsiders book in particular has very bad art, and the writing, like in the rest of this series, leaves a lot to be desired.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man Presents: Black Cat (writer and editors retracted themselves from this, but in previous issues they'd referred as Felicia Hardy's dad as "The Cat", when he never used that or any codename... except, and they didn't mention this, in the Spider-Man animated series of the 90s...), Angel Vs. Frankenstein II ("incnetive" cover?), B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth New World (why announce a new numbering if you keep the old?), Booster Gold V2 (Zamarons are not yellow-skinned humans... not even before revealing their true shape), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Catwoman (Selina's eyes are colored incorrectly), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Outsiders (all signs and writing in Markovia is in English), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Batman And Robin ("niow" instead of "now"), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Batgirl (Damian is not a public member of the Wayne family, he shouldn't be making public appearances with them), Captain America: Forever Allies (inconsistent lettering in the "next month" page), Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (wrong badges and rings), Incredible Hulks (Beast looks wrong), Iron Man: Titanium! (accented letters), JSA 80-Page Giant 2010 (several costume and hair and eye coloring errors), Shadowland (someone should teach artists how sai are gripped), Spike: The Devil You Know (San "Fransisco"?), Strange Tales II (Wolverine's eyes should be blue, not brown), Superman V1 (Perry's eyes are colored wrong), Titans V2 (I understand giving Ray Palmer blue eyes, even though they should be brown... but blond hair? Also, Arsenal's eyes are wrong, and Batman's belt and gloves), Untold Tales Of Blackest Night (Hal's badge, and... since when is Donna Troy Cassie Sandsmark's mentor?), Warlord Of Mars (the writer can't keep the names of the Martian characters right), X-Men V3 (sai grip, dammit, sai grip).
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"SHOW ME THE SHAPE OF YOUR... TRACER."

TITLE: Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Red Robin (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Fabian Nicieza (writer) and/or Ramon Bachs (penciller).

DISSECTION: Not a bad issue; but nothing to write home about. My problem? The tracer Dick planted on Vicki Vale's bag was NOT shaped like a bat, yet now, for this series of one-shots, it is.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"NEW DISSECTION FOREVER."

TITLE: New Mutants Forever (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Al Rio (penciller).

DISSECTION: So, what gives?


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"... THE SIZE OF MANHATTAN."

TITLE: New Mutants Forever (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: From the same man that gave us a Starjammer starship the size of Manhattan, and a coal-powered diesel train engine... now Warlock's made of "the primal substance of a star" and able to survive "temperatures hoter than the surface of the sun"??!?!?! Since when??!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Poppycock, Chris, poppycock. Also, there are several small accented letters, and I will NOT go with your "Nova Roma is in the Andes" idiocy, Chris.
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"THE UNWRITTEN CREATED BY MIKE CARREY AND PETER GROSE."

TITLE: The Unwritten (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).

DISSECTION: It's a story about writing and writers; and a journalist says "Hunter S. Thomson" instead of "Thompson"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"I'M A BEAST, I DON'T UNDERSTAND TECHNOLOGY."

TITLE: X-Campus (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Francesco Artibani (writer) or Luigi Mutti (translator).

DISSECTION: "Gigaterabytes of nanites"? What? You either have gigabytes, or terabytes... and nanites are physical nanobots; not information, data... which is what you measure in bytes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars each. Beast also refers to "the Sanskrit", and Logan's eyes are colored incorrectly.
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"MEDICAL SCIENCE, WHO CARES?"

TITLE: X-Campus (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Roberto Di Salvo (writer) or Luigi Mutti (translator).

DISSECTION: You can't have "anemic hemorrhage", you can have "hemorrhagic anemia". The term they used makes no medical sense.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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That's odd... despite several "10" ratings, the average was only 6.8 Bazzars in fifty dissections. Well, not important. Now, Cover Of The Week, from Tomb Of Terror, by Travel Foreman and Nathan Fairbairn:


Good job evoking the covers of those old horror books. Now, Moments Of The Week, first up Brainiac 5 does think of others:


Not too highly, but he does... Next, a robot with a sense of humor:


... and the correct laughter. Then, where is the Council Of The Spiders hiding?


My own backyard? Next, John Constantine, good neighbour:


He takes care of your mom! And Tony Stark...


pwnd! And who's Doctor Fate cribbin’ from?


Dr. Strange? Shame on you, Fate. And to finish this column, a peak at Kate Beaton's hilarious Spidery/Craven story for Strange Tales II:


I just love the faces she draws... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #176.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I've run more tests than you own flimsy outfits, Miss Frost." Doctor Nemesis, X-Men-Curse Of The Mutants: Smoke And Blood.

Well, I'm back on schedule; although a lot of my books for 09/01 haven't arrived yet (and books this week came out on Thursday, not Wednesday, so that might cause a bit more of delay as well). Let's get straight to business, let me tell you that Commander JohnnyDoe of the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps noticed that the school bus in the picture was extraordinarily long, and the size of the kids' heads was the same as the vehicle's wheels.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was Iron Man Legacy... WINO TONY ADVENTURES!!! That's what Fred Van Lente calls the book, and it's a good read every week. Marvel's doing well at offering "between the raindrops" in-continuity, retro, yet not retcon tales of Iron Man. It already offers re-telling of old sagas (Spider-Man & The Secret Wars), other in continuity books that happen "before" current events (like the Astonishing ones), and even completely separate continuities (Ultimate, Marvel Adventures, etc). This book, however, is my favorite of those, because you know I'm a continuity junkie.

Worst Book Of The Week was United Free Worlds #7, published by Fantasy pr0n... err... Fantasy Prone. Beautiful digital paintings on the cover and in the first pages make you think this is going to be, at least, a visually fulfilling book; yet the actual story is drawn very amateurishly, in a horrible version of a 90s Image book, and the dialogue is not any better. Of course, I should have seen the blurb

The Rundown: Avengers: The Children's Crusade (inconsistent credit lettering), Buffy The Vampire Slayer (accented letter), Captain America: Forever Allies (Black Widow's eyes miscolored), G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (word missing in a sentence), JSA All-Stars (Czek language wrong), Secret Six V3 (Deadshot's hair should be black, not brown), Shadowland: Elektra (Elektra's eyes on the cover should be blue, not brown), Taskmaster V2 ("USAgent).
<-------------------------------->
"DENIZENS OF UNDEAD CITY."

TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 48.

CULPRIT: Kevin VanHook (writer).

DISSECTION: What does Kevin VanHook have on DC editors? Because the crap he writes is just awful... What is "denizens of the undead" supposed to be? Not only he is a poor writer, he also doesn't know what the word denizen means.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"RANDI CONFIDENTIAL."

TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 48.

CULPRIT: Kevin VanHook (writer).

DISSECTION: First Batman doesn't believe in the supernatural. Then it's Superman, and I believe Green Arrow didn't believe in it in the miniseries that preceded this arc (the in-a-stroke-of-genius-titled "Superman/Batman Vs. Vampires And Werewolves"). And now? Liv, the girl who, knowingly, IS THE GIRLFRIEND OF A VAMPIRE AND HAS BEEN TURNED INTO ONE NOW!!!!!

Really VanHook, you weren't happy ignoring decades of stories starring Batman and Superman, you had to ignore your own work? Within the same story?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SPIRITUAL? YOU'VE GOT THE RANN PEOPLE, PAL."

TITLE: Guy Gardner: Collateral Damage (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 02.

CULPRIT: Howard Chaykin (writer).

DISSECTION: Chaykin refers to the Rannians as "nature worshipers, with deeply held personal feelings about faith". Uh? What? They've always been portrayed (until the recent Lady Styx worshipping) as very science/reason based people.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Oh, right, this is old, from December, 2006, and I put it in to fill the quota of ten featured dissections for the column.
<-------------------------------->
"I, DISSECTION."

TITLE: I, Zombie (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Laura Allred (colorist).

DISSECTION: Supernatural (if you believe in that stuff) DT!


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SUB-BOLT."

TITLE: Iron Man Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Fred Van Lente (writer).

DISSECTION: WINO TONY ADVENTURES!!! I never tire of that one... Namor says Black Bolt communicates in sub vocal whispers, and while sub vocal speech might or might not produce sound; Black Bolt has always been shown to not speak, and make himself understood by body language. SOMEONE GET THE GUY A VOICE SYNTHETIZER!!! Geez...

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Stephen Strange and Reed Richards get their eyes colored incorrectly, also.
<-------------------------------->
"IN COMMUNIST RUSSIA..."

TITLE: Origins Of Marvel Comics: X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: James Asmus (writer).

DISSECTION: Colossus is, according to Marvel's current timeline, what, 25 years old? Does that sound right? Peter Parker has been Spidey for 10-12 years, according to Quesada, making him 25-27... he's supposed to be around the same age as Cyclops, Angel and Jean Grey (since Beast is supposed to be older, and Iceman younger, among the original X-Men). Colossus has usually been shown as slightly younger than them (or perhaps that's my impression), and as considerably older than Kitty. Their age difference was somewhere around Kitty being 14 and him being 19 when she was first introduced.

Bear with me, because this is important (to me, not that much for the dissection). She's been shown to have worked as a bartender in Chicago, where the minimum age for such a job is 18. Say that she was 19 then, and that a year has passed since then, she's 20. That would make Colossus 25, so the writer of this origin saying that he began his life "working in his family farm in Communist Russia" is not entirely wrong. That implies this was before 1991, making Piotr start work in the collective farm, known in Russian as "kolkhoz" (or perhaps a completely state-run "sovkhoz"), at what, age 3-4 with menial labor around the house?

We're all good there; he did work under a communist regime; but that phrase is a poor choice, as it implies this is the 1980s Colossus whose family lived in the still-existent USSR. We can let that one slide, as it is a stylistic choice... but what bothered me is the use of the expression "communist Russia". Yes, this WAS Russia, and yes, it was communist... but it's still a misnomer... it's the USSR or Soviet Union... calling it "communist Russia" is "merrikan speak", and a completely non-neutral wording for something that's not being said by a character.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Am I being nitpicky? Hell yeah I am... There are also several mistakes in this and other profiles, writing, pencilling, and coloring. The worst one, at 8 Bazzars, is showing Cable as a baby (five or six months old, with no hair, etc) first infected with the technovirus and taken to the future, instead of a 10-12 months infant with hair, etc, as he was at the time.
<-------------------------------->
"PROBLEM IS BETWEEN KEYBOARD AND CHAIR."

TITLE: R.E.B.E.L.S. (DC).

ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer).

DISSECTION: Brainiac, cybernetic terror of the galaxy, plugged into Colu's central datacore... needs to use a keyboard to input a password? What?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH, IT'S OKAY, PEOPLE HERE ARE ALWAYS UNARMED!"

TITLE: Red Hood: The Lost Days (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).

DISSECTION: Why does Jason Todd assume that British criminals won't be carrying weapons? Judd, you're thinking of most cops within the UK, but why wouldn't the criminals be armed, particularly when they're planning bombings?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Tim Drake's costume in a picture Talia show's him is wrong, also.
<-------------------------------->
"UNITED WRONG FLAGS."

TITLE: United Free Worlds (Fantasy Prone).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Patrick Blaine (penciller) and Hi-Fi Design (colorist).

DISSECTION: Not only the comic is crap, but the flags outside the UN headquarters are mostly made up.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YEAH, SHOWS WHAT YOU KNOW THE CHARACTER REALLY WELL."

TITLE: X-Men-Curse Of The Mutants: Smoke And Blood (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Simon Spurrier (writer).

DISSECTION: This book was lucky I read United Free Worlds, because it would have been Worst Book Of The Week instead. Granted, it wasn't as full of errors, just the one (and not grave scientific errors, like Spurrier's previous X-Club book), but the dialogue and characterization is very, very weak. My problem here is Emma Frost referring to herself as not scientifically minded. Yes, she could be saying that to emphasize her next statement (that she is in charge "minded"), but not only is she very scientifically adept (at least, technologically wise, if not theoretically), but she's also arrogant enough to be prone to rub that in Dr. Nemesis' nose.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. As awful as Spurrier's writing has been in the X-Men (only stuff of his I've read), I'm inclined to believe he just doesn't know that Emma is not a scientific idiot.
<-------------------------------->
Bit lower than the usual, at a 6.1 Bazzars average in thirty-three (MASONIC ALERT!) dissections. Cover Of The Week is from R.E.B.E.L.S.:


David Finch really channeled Simon Bisley there! The first Moment Of The Week is actually from an older book, a back issue of KODT, but I just got a pile of issues I hadn't read:


D-Day live action roleplaying with soldiers singing Pink? I laughed... Next, Gorilla-Man channels Joey Tribbiani:


Is he coming onto the silverback? Next, Colossus shows us why he really is colossal:


Uhm... is that organic steel? And last, the return (sort of) The Pride:


It's from Iron Man Legacy, so it's in the past, but it's cool to see them. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #174.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Oh, Kermie! I've been thinking about how brave you are, promising to get rid of all vampires! (...) Yes, if the worst happens and you too are turned into a creature of the night, I will not spurn you! Though I must, must insist that you try not to... *gulp* ... ravish little moi. (I'll be lying on the sofa in my dressing room, if you're wondering. My window's always open. Kiss kiss." Miss Piggy, The Muppet Show: The Comic Book #8.

Yes, I'm horribly late. Around three weeks, I'd say, so I'm taking you through this first part quickly. First, I'll retract from column #167, when I said that in Captain America Fixer couldn't be working with Zemo; since it was referred to as a sort of scheme Fixer is in. My bad, one less dissection for Marvel, Captain America, and writer Brubaker.

Ensign Darryn needs a welcome into the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps, since he noticed correctly that H.A.M.M.E.R was an organ of the American government only, not an international enforcement organization like S.H.I.E.L.D. was. Best Book Of The Week? Flash #4, Geoff Johns and Francis Manapul at their best. Worst Book Of The Week was Teen Titans #85, horrible art and boring, confusing plot.

The Rundown: Age Of Heroes (Selena Gomez, not "Selina"), Artifacts (Spider-Man, not Spider-man, accented letter), The Authority: The Lost Year (accented letters), Avengers Assemble (complete lack of criteria for listing inactive and honorary members, calling Steve Rogers Captain America, saying that American Eagle joined the H.A.M.M.E.R., and calling a nickname an "alias"), Captain America: The 1940s Newspaper Strip (Captain America's pants look like shorts at one point), CBGB (the Voidoids are called the "Volvoids" at one point), Detective Comics (Batman's gloves, plus chest and belt emblems are wrong), Fantastic Four V1 (why are Reed Richards, Victor von Doom, and Ben Grimm attending college in what looks like the 50s?), G.I. Joe: Hearts & Minds (the credits page is for the stories from last issue), Green Lantern V4 (Hal Jordan's badge starts out right, then changes shape), Green Lantern Corps V2 (John Stewart's badge is wrong), Green Arrow V4 (Hal's badge is wrong on the cover and inside art), Justice League: Generation Lost (there is no way Captain Atom weights 750 kilos), Justice League Of America V2 (accented letter, wrong badge on Kyle Rayner, calling Vic Stone a "doctor"), Outsiders V4 (wrong Spanish, accented letter), Secret Avengers (wrong eye color on Ant-Man), Star Trek: Burden Of Knowledge (Uhura's badge is missing), Tarot: Witch Of The Black Rose ("bo" staff, not "bow" staff... and even then, saying "bo staf" is redundant), Teen Titans V3 (Beast Boy has weird action figure feet, and Kid Flash complains that his legs are trapped so he can't use them to create a whirlwind... but he can do that with his arms), Thor V1 (fifteen accented letters, Thor's eyes get colored green), World War Hulks: Captain America Vs. Wolverine (Reed Richards builds Cosmic Cubes?), World War Hulks: Spider-Man Vs. Thor (Spider-Hulk not Spider-Man), X-Campus (Wolverine's eyes and hair are miscolored in one story, a letter is missing in a word, and an accented letter is smaller than it should be), X-Factor Forever (if they're 30 minutes away from Genosha, how do they get there in the space of four or five sentences in the same conversation?), X-Men Forever 2 (Ororo's eyes are miscolored, and since when does Jean establish "flash-links" with her telepathy?)
<-------------------------------->
"THE WIDENING MAN."

TITLE: Batman: The Widening Gyre (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: Kevin Smith (writer).

DISSECTION: I love Kevin Smith, and Widening Gyre (and the previous mini) is a fun read, but writing comics is not his forte. In particular, someone talks about having a 17th century crossbow with a 21st century firing pin. Crossbows do not have firing pins, modern firearms have firing pins. Guns, unlike crossbows, operate by setting off an explosion that propels the bullet, and that is what the firing pin is for. Crossbows, on the other hand, propel bolts by using a string.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, why is there a "SUPER HIGH HIGH VOLTAGE" sign in the Batcave's power plant?
<-------------------------------->
"DARNIT, THERE IS NO WAY OF SOLVING THIS!"

TITLE: Peter Parker (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Tom Peyer (writer).

DISSECTION: I understand how Peter Parker is very responsible and gets all worked up about stuff he feels is his fault... but reacting like there was no way to recover the information about the people that AIM had brainwashed was a bit too much... not when there's amazing technology in the hands of good guys, and when even with real world methods their true identities would be possible to recover.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"INVITE ME IN, PLEASE."

TITLE: Spike: The Devil You Know (IDW).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Bill Williams (writer).

DISSECTION: I know each fictitious vampire mythology or franchise has its rules... for example, a stake through the heart in Buffy means they turn to dust; while in Vampire: The Masquerade, it only sends them into a sort of mystical coma. Sunlight burns most vampires, it didn't burn Dracula, and it makes Edward sparkle... but that's not my point...

In Buffy, vampires have to be invited to enter a private residence, and it seems it even extends to places privately owned, even if they're not residences. There are a few workarounds, and specifics, of course, like not needing someone to actually own the place to invite you in as long as they live there (Buffy could invite Angel into her house despite the property being owned by her mother).

But how is it possible that Spike suggests his companion (a demon or half demon) enter a warehouse, spend a few minutes inside it, and then be able to invite him in? It makes absolutely no sense.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"VAULT TIME!"

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 31.

CULPRIT: Matthew Clark (penciller).

DISSECTION: Blast from the past, with a 2006 book. I complained about this a lot back in the day:


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"GOOD GRIEF."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 526.

CULPRIT: Whilce Portacio (penciller).

DISSECTION: Unless it's a blatant mistake in a character design, or setting, I usually leave bad art alone. In this case, I can't, not when it goes completely against the script, and not when I know the artists is capable of much, much better. Look at this:


How does this say "grief"? Did Whilce even read the script? Did he hand out random panels to his assistants? *shakes head*
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. That's just hideous, and on top of that, it flies in the face of the script.
<-------------------------------->
"SAT-SACK."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 526.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: I don't think there is anything like SATs in Canada. Yes, the character could be referring to taking SATs to qualify for a US college, but...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. A few other character design and script errors.
<-------------------------------->
Seventy dissections, and a 6.3 Bazzars average. Regular fare. Cover Of the week is this very nice piece by Leinil Francis Yu:


Rogue is always pretty to look at (you know, after her first appearances, anyway), and Magneto looks majestic. Moments Of The Week! From Teen Titans, was this really necessary?


Niiiiiiiceeee... Then, Larfleeze discovers Santiclaus.


Going into space, John Byrne gifts us the old "two characters played by the same actress", but in a special way:


For those of you not in the know, those are "Number One", original first officer of the Enterprise, and Christine Chapel, both of them played by Majel Barrett-Roddenberry. If the dates had allowed it, throwing in a Lwaxana Troi would have been heaven. Next, Jim Balent designs one of the most awesome weapons ever:


No, not the chick, the katana/gun. And last but not least... when did Tony Stark join the cast of Jersey Shore?


Good Lord, Tony has better style than that! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #169.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Can't waste precious neurons on likeable morons (...)" Brainiac 5, Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #2.

I know I'm late, but I'm on vacation, so... This is the column for books released on 06/23, and nobody cracked the DT! last week. Look at the bottle's label... it says "ce Australia", for "Produce Australia". That should be "producT OF Australia"... it was subtle, I know.

What are The Dissector's Picks Of The Week? Best Book Of The Week was Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #2, Levitz keeps showing he understands this team, and Yildiray Cinar's art (with Francis Portela's help this time) is a perfect blend of classic and modern. Worst Book Of The Week? It was almost Sea Bear & Grizzly Shark #1, but then I realized that book wasn't actually that bad, it was just not to my liking. No, Worst Book was The Authority: The Lost Year #9... just bland, with poor jokes, and a complete waste of a 22-page comic book story.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man (Araña's first name should be "Anya" not "Añya", plus, the ñ's are the wrong size), Angel (Connor's eyes are the wrong color), Avengers V4 (wrong eye colors on Iron Man and Namor), Batman: Streets Of Gotham (Batman's gloves are wrong), Batman: The Return Of Bruce Wayne (Hal Jordan's gloves are colored wrong), Blackbeard: Legend Of The Pyrate King (accented letters), Detective Comics (Batman's gloves, what else?), Fantastic Four (a space is missing in the cover lettering, Leech's head looks wrong), Iron Man Legacy ("neigboring"), Justice League: Generation Lost (the KFB doesn't exist anymore, Batman's gloves and belts are wrong), Justice League: The Rise Of Arsenal (Hawkgirl's hair is colored wrong), Namora V2 (geez Namora, the Atlantean settlers you went to find HAVE BLANK EYES, didn't that clue you in to the fact they were being controlled by an ancient sea god? Oh, wait, it was just the artist being lazy... and the writer thinks "Camden" is the city were Nitro exploded before Civil War), Origins Of Marvel Comics (Reed Richards' eyes should be brown, Xavier's school has never been for "exceptional youngsters", Wakanda doesn't sell Vibranium, T'Chaka wasn't killed in a Vibranium theft attempt, the Black Cat doesn't rob the rich to give to the poor, Iron Fist doesn't do "kung fu", or even "wu shu" if we were being technical, it's Mark Texeira, not "Texiera"), Power Girl V2 (Guy Gardner's hair is colored wrong), Sea Bear & Grizzly Shark ("missle"), Secret Warriors (Dum Dum Dugan's first name is "Timothy", not "Thaddeus"), Superman/Batman (accented letter), Thunderbolts (Norse trolls look nothing like they should), X-Factor V3 (M doesn't have blue eyes, Jeromy Cox!!!), X-Men Legacy ("pule" rifle).
<-------------------------------->
"ADAM'S APPLE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 168.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Vice Admiral of the HDSC Snakebyte noticed I wrote "Art Adam's" instead of "Art Adams'". Badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GREEN TIME."

TITLE: Green Arrow V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: JT Krul (writer).

DISSECTION: Due to the fact that three issues of Green Arrow/Black Canary were called "Green Arrow", or rather, "Black Lantern Green Arrow", this could be V5... but I'm going to consider those Black Lantern issues to be just a "cover gimmick". Anyhow, the problem here is that according to Green Arrow, the events in JLA: Cry For Justice were six months ago... it doesn't jive with the rest of the DCU timeline right now...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Hal Jordan's badge is wrong too.
<-------------------------------->
"JET BLACK BEAUTY."

TITLE: Green Hornet (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Kevin Smith (writer).

DISSECTION: Come on Kevin, do you really expect us to believe that the Black Beauty can do MACH FIVE?!??!?! Five times the speed of sound?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Fantasy is one thing, ridiculousness is another.
<-------------------------------->
"BADGES, THEY ARE A CHANGING."

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 49.

CULPRIT: Ardian Syaf (penciller).

DISSECTION: It gets stupid... John Stewart's badge is wrong to begin with, then it changes to another wrong shape, and then two a third shape...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, three times. And Kyle's badge is wrong too.
<-------------------------------->
"UNDER THE RADAR."

TITLE: Joker's Asylum II: Killer Croc (DC)

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Mike Raicht (writer).

DISSECTION: Are we really supposed to believe that Killer Croc can work as enforcer for an upstart mob boss for two weeks without GCPD and Batman not hearing about it, while he performs bloody assassinations for his master?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN SPACE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU FUNK."

TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes (DC).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Okay, Tyroc has sonic powers, how the hell is he using them in space? Legionnaires can talk to each other in space because their flight rings have communication devices that are probably telepathic in part, or whatever other technology that works similarly... but how is he sonically blasting rocks in space?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Ultra Boy's power listing is incomplete, when Mon-El's detailed.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECT THIS NEVERENDING BATTLE."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 700.

CULPRIT: Bernard Chang (penciller).

DISSECTION: What's wrong here? And no, it's not Superman's horrible face...


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Batman's emblems are wrong in one story.
<-------------------------------->
An average of 6.3 Bazzars in fifty three dissections is pretty normal around these parts... Now, Cover and Moments... Yeah, I know I'm easy, but this propaganda piece by Tony Harris and JD Mettler is the Cover Of The Week:


Russian propaganda posters are one of my weaknesses. First Moment Of The Week is the return of Tyroc:


What the hell? Couldn't he keep the 'fro or a modern uniform inspired by his classic one? Bald, and wearing that uniform, he looks like Synch. Next, watch out, Arcade!


Reality Warp Kid is coming after you!!! Then, something... unsettling...


Oookay... Now, what's the U.S.Agent up to since his rather gruesome fate during Siege?


Oh, a desk job! He doesn't want "actual" cybernetic implants because he doesn't want to be a cyborg like Nuke, the guy who maimed him... but he had not problem getting powers from the Power Broker. Next, if you thought Nick Fury was a bastard, check out Ultimate Nick Fury:


Oh no, he didn't! Then, from X-Men: Second Calling, Magneto battles the Nimrods... with his mostly metal asteroid as his weapon!


And last, Cypher "gets it":


It's just a matter of language, after all... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #162.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"(...) there we were... heroes! (...) Stomping out Nazis! Nazi robots! Nazi zombies! Nazi Nazis!" Billy Mace, Powers V3 #4.

Welcome to a late column, I know, but this was a busy weekend... and tomorrow is a busier day: I'm interviewing Peter David... so I should get this column down and get some sleep... still, I'll try not to rush it. Last week's DT! wasn't cracked; Deadpool attacked Hulkpool with what was supposed to be a discarded adamantium claw that didn't take on Wolverine or something like that, but the claw was longer than Deadpool's whole arm... Ah, before I forget, this is for books released on 05/05; plus a straggler or two.

So, I did went to bed, and I'm writing the rest of this column on Monday night... interview with PAD went smoothly, he's a great guy. It'll be online soon, in the meantime, here we are:


And I got my Atlantis Chronicles (plus an issue of Aquaman) signed by him! Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following... Best Book Of The Week was Superman: War Of The Supermen #1; great start (after the teaser #0 on FCBD) for the last part of the New Krypton saga... you'll see in the Moments Of The Week how they solved the Kryptonian overpopulation. Worst Book Of The Week was JSA All-Stars... it's just sub par, and unnecessary to boot. As a last thing, I'd like to point you in the direction of Pixel Fantasies, a site with a name dirtier than the site actually is... it's a nice place for comic book belles pinups, that's all. No pr0n, just some skin, but nothing explicit (so far).

The Rundown: Avengers: The Origin (Rick Jones' eyes are blue, then green, then blue again), Batman And Robin (Batman's chest emblem is wrong on the cover), Buck Rogers (an obvious question ends in just an exclamation mark, a period is missing in the "next issue" blurb at the end), Captain America/Black Panther: Flags Of Our Fathers (Nick Fury's eyes, while he still has too, are blue, they should be brown), Deathlok V4 (accented letters, and a character's name chances spelling between issues), Doom Patrol V5 (a word is missing in a sentence, and Elasti-Woman's eyes are STILL THE WRONG COLOR), Free Comic Book Day 2010: Iron Man/Thor (Tony Stark's eyes are colored brown), Hellboy In Mexico (wrong uses of the Spanish language), JSA All-Stars (assorted costuming design, eye and hair color mistakes, wrongly placed word balloons), Powers V3 (misspelled name), Red Robin (wrong eye color in R'as, wrong chest emblem in Batman that changes between pages), Uncanny X-Men (Bastion's hand is sticking out of the wrong place of Nightcrawler's chest, several wrong eye colors), Zorro (Spanish language, Ñs, accented letters... just twenty-seven dissections in total in one issue).
<-------------------------------->
"JUMP THE GUNN."

TITLE: Angel (IDW).

ISSUE: 32.

CULPRIT: Bill Willingham (writer).

DISSECTION: Gunn says that when Connor was living in the demonic dimension, he was leading his crew and protecting his territory. Uh, no? Gunn had already joined Angel Investigations by that time.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HALF-AND-HALF."

TITLE: Brightest Day (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns & Peter Tomasi (writers).

DISSECTION: Aquaman is identified as "half-human"; he's not, he's pure Atlantean. You're thinking of Namor.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, I was ready to acknowledge that maybe Hal Jordan's badge had changed shape... but it's on the cover in its classic shape, then in the wrong shape inside... Also, "Somali" is not a country, "Somalia" is.
<-------------------------------->
"FRUTUOXIA BY KNIGHT."

TITLE: Freedom Knights En Ciudad Frutuoxia (Dragon/Ninfa).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Roy, Bea, and Nicolás "Nico" Peruzzo (editors, but they wrote, drew, "gray" colored, lettered all of it between the three).

DISSECTION: This is the first superhero crossover in my country, although it's a parody, between the comic "Relatos De Ciudad Frutuoxia" (Tales Of Frutuoxia City, from Ninfa Comics), which is a humorous book, and Freedom Knights (by Dragon Comics), a straight superhero comic book. If you can read Spanish, go and download it for free from either of the pages I linked for the publishers... and you can buy it in paper if you want too.

It was a good book, a fun read, but the credits were at the end of the book... which wouldn't be a problem, if they hadn't included the "This story takes place before..." blurbs for each of their books... it makes sense to include it in the back cover if it's just the credits... but not the storyline placement blurbs.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There are also a couple of mistakes in some of the English dialogues.
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"NOT HAN SOLO."

TITLE: Solo (Apocalipta/G.A.S./Studio Robota).

ISSUE: Digital one-shot (originally published in Cisplatino Visiones #4).

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (letterer).

DISSECTION: This is my first comic book story, both written and published... local comic Cisplatino has a supplement called "Visiones" (Visions), in which they publish short stories about the characters' pasts, or stuff that happens on the side of the main story... up to my story (and I believe, so far), all stories have been written by Diego Tapié and Pablo Zignone, the book's creators... until this one, I was the first they allowed to play in their playground of the mind.

Besides writing it, I lettered the book; and when, a few months after it had been published in print, I asked for permission to publish it digitally, I adapted the pages for a release... and screwed up the lettering. Koutarou, from forum Freak Zone, noticed I had an accent jump around. The word "demás" had its accent jump to a word on the line above, "igual", so it ended on the "l", which is not even possible as I've explained in the past. So it ended up being two dissections in one. Badge for Koutarou.

If you want, and read Spanish, you can check out the story here, as well as the website for G.A.S., the comic book publisher I'm part of... indy, of course, but rising! And soon, I'll upload an English version of the story for those of you who don't read Spanish.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each. Also, I wrote "lobo" instead of "Lobo" in the back cover of the "book".
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"BUDGET CUTS."

TITLE: The Many Loves Of The Amazing Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Brian Reed (writer) and/or Nick Dragota (penciller).

DISSECTION: Are we really supposed to believe that there is no computer in Captain Stacy's office, 13-14 years ago? Then again, this is Brian Reed, who recently wrote Miss Marvel pulling Mac Gargan out of the Venom symbiote by brute force...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"VENGEANCE OF THE DISSECT THIS!"

TITLE: Vengeance Of The Moon Knight (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Tan Eng Huat (penciller).

DISSECTION: Look at Deadpool below, and tell me what's wrong:


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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This week we had a 6.6 Bazzars average, in sixty-four dissections. Cover Of The Week is by Bachalo and Townsend, and it's another good Spider-Man/Lizard piece:


Nice, unsettling, innit? Now, Moments Of The Week, we have plenty. First up, Hellboy in Mexico!


Awesome! Next, the Black Cat is... well... yummylicious...


Buttock poetry... Then, Red Robin pwns R'as:


Wonderful! Then, Colin Farrell should sue:


And it's not just one panel, the main character in Sparta USA looks like him all the time. You know who else should sue?


Colossus, he should sue Terry Dodson for making him look like Jaws from James Bond. Now, for a touching moment:


I'm still in denial; I don't buy that they'd cremate his body... Next, in my country, union leaders are tough:


Because they're Klingons like Worf! And last, how do you get rid of a planet full of Kryptonians?


Two-stage bomb, first a gold K bomb, then a green K bomb, and boom! BOOM! So, I finished this column on Monday night, but waited until today, Tuesday, to post it... I was too tired to post it around all the boards and places I promote it on. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!