(From Fear Itself: The Fearless #2, November 2011.)
Showing posts with label KODT. Show all posts
Showing posts with label KODT. Show all posts
Monday, November 07, 2011
D-N-D Rejects.
Not surprisingly, Crossbones hits gaming geeks. Also, it reminds me of a Knights Of The Dinner Table storyline.
(From Fear Itself: The Fearless #2, November 2011.)
(From Fear Itself: The Fearless #2, November 2011.)
Saturday, June 18, 2011
The Dissector #199.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
05-04 "Bah! I can travel in both time and relative dimensions in space!" Doctor Dinosaur, Atomic Robo & Others Free Comic Book Day 2011.
05-11 "This is nothing but bullshit! You expect us to believe that he can't get into this school because he hasn't passed English???? That's the worst excuse I've heard in my entire fucking life. What is it? You didn't like his psych test because this moron wrote all that crap about death and Jim Morrison's grave?" La Ranita, Ranitas: Catarsis & Rock N Roll.
05-18 "Tony said he hated the Norse god speech pattern I'd developed and promised to give ten million dollars to charity if I spoke like a normal person again." Thor, Ultimate Avengers Vs. New Ultimates #4.
05-25 "Y'know, there are times I wish Uncle Ben had told me that with great power comes pie..." Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #662.
And welcome to a new column, this time for the month of May. Last column's DT! was cracked by Captain JohnnyDoe, who noticed that Martian Manhunter is too tall on that cover. Yes, he's a shapeshifter, but still... Let's go to the Picks of the Month:
Cover Of The Week for 05/04 was Chip 'N' Dale Rescue Rangers #6, by James Silvani and Jake Miller; even if the title characters are not in the cover, the other two stars are, and it's the perfect image of what a Rescue Rangers' adventure should be. Best Book for that week was Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art Of Science #5; a perfect ending for a, as usual, great mini from the Robo team. Worst Book was JSA All-Stars #18. Blocky, ugly art that lacks soul, and a bland plot. It's not bad that this book is ending soon. Best Book Of The Week for 05/11 is Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #518, I can't stress enough 
how fun, fast-paced, yet filled with character moments this book by David Liss and Francesco Francavilla is. Worst Book for 05/11 is Justice League Of America V2 #57. It's no secret I've found James Robinson's JLA run boring, and Brett Booth's art, while good, is not enough to save this book. Cover for that week is Patrick Zircher's alternate FF #3 cover with (part of) Wolverine's graphic evolution.
Cover for 05/18 is Alex Ross's cover for Rocketeer Adventures #1... I wouldn't mind having that painting. Best Book of that week was Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #13. Paul Levitz never fails to deliver, and while I'd prefer that all art was Yildiray Cinar, Jonathan Glapion is not bad as his co-artist. Don't look for groundbreaking comic book storytelling, though, this is just a straight up future superhero romp. Worst Book was X-Men Giant-Size #1... a pointless fight, and a *yawn* ultra-powerful enemy that seeks to eradicate mutants, completely pulled out of nowhere, complete with a flashback to some of Cyclops' repressed memories from when the original five were Xavier's only X-Men. Best Book for 05/25 was issue #2 of The Strange Case of Mr. Hyde. It's a fresh take on the old tale, intertwining it with Jack The Ripper's, newcomer writer Cole Haddon (who comes from the screenwriting and movie j
ournalism fields) spins an entertaining story that sounds at the same time fresh, modern, and Victorian as well. M.S. Corley (who I hadn't heard of before either) delivers great art that fits the story perfectly, enhanced by Jim Campbell's colors; and the whole thing is embellished by Richard Starking & Comicraft's lettering. Is it mind-blowing? No, I wouldn't say so. But it's so neat, so well done, that you can't help but say "man, this is a good comic book". Give it to people who don't usually read comics. Worst Book was Action Comics #901. One of the most boring Super Team Vs. Doomsdays fights I've ever red, Paul Cornell usually writes better things. Plus, why should I care about this book's numbering and history, if they're rewinding everything soon? Meh. Cover for this week is this sweet 70s movie poster style painting by Clayton Crain from Green Lantern V4 #66.
Let's get to those dissections...
<-------------------------------->
"ÖBAMA."
TITLE: Action Comics (DC).
ISSUE: 901.
CULPRIT: Jesus Merino (artist) & Paul Cornell (writer).
DISSECTION: Current DCU president (shown mostly in Freedom Fighters) is not Obama, nor does he even look like him (he's actually white).
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Plus, it's actually un-DC to have a real-life president (although they've done it before, occasionally).
<-------------------------------->
"THE DYSSECTOR."
TITLE: The Dissector (Clockwork Chap).
ISSUE: 198.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: My apologies to HDSC member Sidney, whose name I spelled as "Sydney" last column. Badge for him.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BACK TO THE LEAGUE."
TITLE: JLA V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 58.
CULPRIT: Mike Miller (penciller).
DISSECTION: Check this one, from 2001:
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TIME TWIST."
TITLE: Knights Of The Dinner Table: Black Hands 2011 Special (Kenzer & Co.).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Jolly Blackburn (writer).
DISSECTION: Weird Pete, Patty, B.A., and Earl are all talking about when Nitro had recently returned from the Marines, fifteen years ago, and Earl says he remembers him as being terrible back then. Only problem is, Earl was introduced in the strip as a new character, transferring from another college to the local university only a few years ago. This doesn't jive even with a fluid timescale (like the one this comic uses), because Earl was specifically introduced as a new guy in town.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"~^?"
TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel)
ISSUE: 10.
CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer)
DISSECTION: Penciller Sergio Ariño gets his name wrong, with a "^" instead of the "~" that the "ñ" should have... and it's halfway over the A and the R...
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Double.
<-------------------------------->
"IF I HAD A HAMMER."
TITLE: The New Avengers V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 12.
CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis.
DISSECTION: Given how public it was during Norman Osborn's "Dark Reign", there's absolutely no way anyone, much less a cop, would not know what H.A.M.M.E.R. is or was.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GRILS, GRILS, GRILS."
TITLE: Suicide Girls (IDW).
ISSUE: 01 & 02.
CULPRIT: Unidentified production designer.
DISSECTION: One of the ads at the end says "suiciegirls". I know producing this complete marketing vehicle must sap your enthusiasm, but you can at least write the brand name right, no?
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TA-NO-TANTU."
TITLE: Teen Titans V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 35.
CULPRIT: Fabrizio Fiorentino (penciller).
DISSECTION: Vixen's powers come from her Tantu totem necklace. So you kind of have to draw it on her, not just a random animal fang necklace.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LET'S JUST SKIP A FEW STEPS IN EVOLUTON."
TITLE: X-Men Giant-Size (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Christopher Yost (penciller) and Paco Medina (penciller).
DISSECTION: "For Homo sapien to live... Australopithecus sediba had to die.", that phrase is full of fail, because Australopithecus weren't even proto-humans, Australopithecine were bipedal and dentally similar to humans, but with a brain size not much larger than modern apes, lacking the encephalization characteristics of the genus Homo. The date is wrong, too, since it says 2.5 million years ago, and A. sediba lived between 1.95 and 1.78 million years ago.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars for using the Australopithecine instead of one of the archaic Homo sapiens (such as Homo heidelbergensis, Homo rhodesiensis, or Homo neanderthalensis), 7 for the wrong date.
<-------------------------------->
May, then, has an average of 8.2 Bazzars in ten dissections. Pretty high, but then again, I'm only keeping the most outrageous dissections these days. Let's go with the Moments Of The Month. First, from 05/04's issue of Atomic Robo, Tesla has a real "war of the currents" with Edison:
If you know me, you know this is fan service for me. Thank you, Brian Clevinger and Scott Wegener! Next, more from the same issue:
The real reason behind alternating current! More Atomic Robo, from the 2011 Free Comic Book Day Special, we learn how Dr. Dinosaur gets his guns:
Moving on to the next week, what's a good idea to have Batman everywhere?
Well, it's certainly NOT bat-robots, Bruce! Of course, what can we expect from...
... an internet troll? Now, from a Uruguayan comic, Ranitas: Catarsis & Rock N Roll, the stuff we do as drunken teenagers:
I didn't do THAT exactly, and I was a pretty nerdy guy who went out dancing and drinking very little... but I did a few stupid things while drunk, so I smile at this from a "yeah, I know" viewpoint. Week of 05/18 brought me some Quislet action over in LSH:
And it's almost as if the book had been written for me:
Good one. Now, more fan service, even if I don't like this artist, is having Lockheed meet up with Kitty Pryde in Astonishing X-Men:
That didn't go to well... or did it?
Guns! Big guns! You know who knows his place in the universe? Paladin:
He keeps it real. More Uruguayan stuff, from Orange Shaft, you shouldn't try to mug the wrong guy:
Believe me, this one of the tamest scenes in the whole book. You should see what Orange Shaft does to a guy's testicles with an arrow... Now, from 05/25, what do Donald's famous nephews do when they're not out adventuring?
They adventure some more! And to finish the column, John Stewart goes Death Star:
Again. Man, poor Mogo. I mean, we know he doesn't socialize, but that's no reason to do that to him That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
05-04 "Bah! I can travel in both time and relative dimensions in space!" Doctor Dinosaur, Atomic Robo & Others Free Comic Book Day 2011.
05-11 "This is nothing but bullshit! You expect us to believe that he can't get into this school because he hasn't passed English???? That's the worst excuse I've heard in my entire fucking life. What is it? You didn't like his psych test because this moron wrote all that crap about death and Jim Morrison's grave?" La Ranita, Ranitas: Catarsis & Rock N Roll.
05-18 "Tony said he hated the Norse god speech pattern I'd developed and promised to give ten million dollars to charity if I spoke like a normal person again." Thor, Ultimate Avengers Vs. New Ultimates #4.
05-25 "Y'know, there are times I wish Uncle Ben had told me that with great power comes pie..." Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #662.
And welcome to a new column, this time for the month of May. Last column's DT! was cracked by Captain JohnnyDoe, who noticed that Martian Manhunter is too tall on that cover. Yes, he's a shapeshifter, but still... Let's go to the Picks of the Month:
Cover Of The Week for 05/04 was Chip 'N' Dale Rescue Rangers #6, by James Silvani and Jake Miller; even if the title characters are not in the cover, the other two stars are, and it's the perfect image of what a Rescue Rangers' adventure should be. Best Book for that week was Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art Of Science #5; a perfect ending for a, as usual, great mini from the Robo team. Worst Book was JSA All-Stars #18. Blocky, ugly art that lacks soul, and a bland plot. It's not bad that this book is ending soon. Best Book Of The Week for 05/11 is Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #518, I can't stress enough 
how fun, fast-paced, yet filled with character moments this book by David Liss and Francesco Francavilla is. Worst Book for 05/11 is Justice League Of America V2 #57. It's no secret I've found James Robinson's JLA run boring, and Brett Booth's art, while good, is not enough to save this book. Cover for that week is Patrick Zircher's alternate FF #3 cover with (part of) Wolverine's graphic evolution.
Cover for 05/18 is Alex Ross's cover for Rocketeer Adventures #1... I wouldn't mind having that painting. Best Book of that week was Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #13. Paul Levitz never fails to deliver, and while I'd prefer that all art was Yildiray Cinar, Jonathan Glapion is not bad as his co-artist. Don't look for groundbreaking comic book storytelling, though, this is just a straight up future superhero romp. Worst Book was X-Men Giant-Size #1... a pointless fight, and a *yawn* ultra-powerful enemy that seeks to eradicate mutants, completely pulled out of nowhere, complete with a flashback to some of Cyclops' repressed memories from when the original five were Xavier's only X-Men. Best Book for 05/25 was issue #2 of The Strange Case of Mr. Hyde. It's a fresh take on the old tale, intertwining it with Jack The Ripper's, newcomer writer Cole Haddon (who comes from the screenwriting and movie j
ournalism fields) spins an entertaining story that sounds at the same time fresh, modern, and Victorian as well. M.S. Corley (who I hadn't heard of before either) delivers great art that fits the story perfectly, enhanced by Jim Campbell's colors; and the whole thing is embellished by Richard Starking & Comicraft's lettering. Is it mind-blowing? No, I wouldn't say so. But it's so neat, so well done, that you can't help but say "man, this is a good comic book". Give it to people who don't usually read comics. Worst Book was Action Comics #901. One of the most boring Super Team Vs. Doomsdays fights I've ever red, Paul Cornell usually writes better things. Plus, why should I care about this book's numbering and history, if they're rewinding everything soon? Meh. Cover for this week is this sweet 70s movie poster style painting by Clayton Crain from Green Lantern V4 #66.Let's get to those dissections...
<-------------------------------->
"ÖBAMA."
TITLE: Action Comics (DC).
ISSUE: 901.
CULPRIT: Jesus Merino (artist) & Paul Cornell (writer).
DISSECTION: Current DCU president (shown mostly in Freedom Fighters) is not Obama, nor does he even look like him (he's actually white).
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Plus, it's actually un-DC to have a real-life president (although they've done it before, occasionally).
<-------------------------------->
"THE DYSSECTOR."
TITLE: The Dissector (Clockwork Chap).
ISSUE: 198.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: My apologies to HDSC member Sidney, whose name I spelled as "Sydney" last column. Badge for him.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BACK TO THE LEAGUE."
TITLE: JLA V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 58.
CULPRIT: Mike Miller (penciller).
DISSECTION: Check this one, from 2001:
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TIME TWIST."
TITLE: Knights Of The Dinner Table: Black Hands 2011 Special (Kenzer & Co.).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Jolly Blackburn (writer).
DISSECTION: Weird Pete, Patty, B.A., and Earl are all talking about when Nitro had recently returned from the Marines, fifteen years ago, and Earl says he remembers him as being terrible back then. Only problem is, Earl was introduced in the strip as a new character, transferring from another college to the local university only a few years ago. This doesn't jive even with a fluid timescale (like the one this comic uses), because Earl was specifically introduced as a new guy in town.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"~^?"
TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel)
ISSUE: 10.
CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer)
DISSECTION: Penciller Sergio Ariño gets his name wrong, with a "^" instead of the "~" that the "ñ" should have... and it's halfway over the A and the R...
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Double.
<-------------------------------->
"IF I HAD A HAMMER."
TITLE: The New Avengers V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 12.
CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis.
DISSECTION: Given how public it was during Norman Osborn's "Dark Reign", there's absolutely no way anyone, much less a cop, would not know what H.A.M.M.E.R. is or was.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GRILS, GRILS, GRILS."
TITLE: Suicide Girls (IDW).
ISSUE: 01 & 02.
CULPRIT: Unidentified production designer.
DISSECTION: One of the ads at the end says "suiciegirls". I know producing this complete marketing vehicle must sap your enthusiasm, but you can at least write the brand name right, no?
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TA-NO-TANTU."
TITLE: Teen Titans V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 35.
CULPRIT: Fabrizio Fiorentino (penciller).
DISSECTION: Vixen's powers come from her Tantu totem necklace. So you kind of have to draw it on her, not just a random animal fang necklace.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LET'S JUST SKIP A FEW STEPS IN EVOLUTON."
TITLE: X-Men Giant-Size (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Christopher Yost (penciller) and Paco Medina (penciller).
DISSECTION: "For Homo sapien to live... Australopithecus sediba had to die.", that phrase is full of fail, because Australopithecus weren't even proto-humans, Australopithecine were bipedal and dentally similar to humans, but with a brain size not much larger than modern apes, lacking the encephalization characteristics of the genus Homo. The date is wrong, too, since it says 2.5 million years ago, and A. sediba lived between 1.95 and 1.78 million years ago.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars for using the Australopithecine instead of one of the archaic Homo sapiens (such as Homo heidelbergensis, Homo rhodesiensis, or Homo neanderthalensis), 7 for the wrong date.
<-------------------------------->
May, then, has an average of 8.2 Bazzars in ten dissections. Pretty high, but then again, I'm only keeping the most outrageous dissections these days. Let's go with the Moments Of The Month. First, from 05/04's issue of Atomic Robo, Tesla has a real "war of the currents" with Edison:
If you know me, you know this is fan service for me. Thank you, Brian Clevinger and Scott Wegener! Next, more from the same issue:
The real reason behind alternating current! More Atomic Robo, from the 2011 Free Comic Book Day Special, we learn how Dr. Dinosaur gets his guns:
Moving on to the next week, what's a good idea to have Batman everywhere?
Well, it's certainly NOT bat-robots, Bruce! Of course, what can we expect from...
... an internet troll? Now, from a Uruguayan comic, Ranitas: Catarsis & Rock N Roll, the stuff we do as drunken teenagers:
I didn't do THAT exactly, and I was a pretty nerdy guy who went out dancing and drinking very little... but I did a few stupid things while drunk, so I smile at this from a "yeah, I know" viewpoint. Week of 05/18 brought me some Quislet action over in LSH:
And it's almost as if the book had been written for me:
Good one. Now, more fan service, even if I don't like this artist, is having Lockheed meet up with Kitty Pryde in Astonishing X-Men:
That didn't go to well... or did it?
Guns! Big guns! You know who knows his place in the universe? Paladin:
He keeps it real. More Uruguayan stuff, from Orange Shaft, you shouldn't try to mug the wrong guy:
Believe me, this one of the tamest scenes in the whole book. You should see what Orange Shaft does to a guy's testicles with an arrow... Now, from 05/25, what do Donald's famous nephews do when they're not out adventuring?
They adventure some more! And to finish the column, John Stewart goes Death Star:
Again. Man, poor Mogo. I mean, we know he doesn't socialize, but that's no reason to do that to him That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
The Dissector #187.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"Thirty-year-old rare Islay malt, and you chuck blocks of frozen water into it?" John Constantine, Hellblazer #273.
Now, this is called being up to date... of course, there's no guarantee that I'll get next column out in time; but anyway. This is the column for books released on 11/17. Last column's DT! wasn't cracked, but there wasn't enough time between columns I guess... wait, as I was getting ready to post this column, Donald313 did it. The problem was that Chameleon mentions committing treason, but he's a Russian citizen, which means he can't be charged with treason against the U.S., can he?
The Dissector's Picks Of The Week this time are: Best Book Of The Week is Hellboy: Double Feature Of Evil. If it wasn't for Corben's art (which is still spectacular), this would fit right in with the early Hellboy adventures. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy Hellboy, but it used to be lighter, even with all the horror and darkness... nowadays, it's become too embroiled in its own mythology, and I truly miss the "old days". Worst Book Of The Week was almost, almost, Superman #704; with its cheap shot story about domestic and child violence.. but at least that comic was passably written and drawn. No, this time it's Superman/Batman #78... first a story about "who would win" between the title characters, from the perspective of two kids; and then a very crappy angsty story about Power Girl (dealing with her already resolved "being from another universe" grief) and Huntress (rehashing her "boohoo my mafia family was killed by more mafia" sob story). This book is pointless, pull the plug on it already.
I don't have much to say about the Cover Of The Week except that it's from Darkwing Duck #6, it's by my fellow Uruguayan Diego Jourdan, and it's a homage to a great Batman cover of yesteryear. Not the first, but a good one.
The Rundown: The Authority: The Lost Year (Swift's ears are pointy again), The Avengers V4 (inconsistent credit lettering, Jarvis with a full head of hair and blond, Hawkeye doesn't know there's a red Hulk, inconsistent "next issue" lettering), Batman: The Return (Lucius Fox does not look like Morgan Freeman in the comics!), Brightest Day (accented letter), Ghost Projekt (weird dialogue), Green Lantern Corps V2 (several badges and other uniform errors), Hellblazer (the magic circle John left open last issue, the same one Gloria the succubus points to as open... is closed), I Am An Avenger (inconsistent credit lettering, Justice's current costume should expose his ears, an empathic link should not enable you to have a conversation or send images; only emotions), Justice League Of America V2 (Dick's bat emblem is wrong , Zatanna's eyes are colored purple instead of blue), Knights Of The Dinner Table (a dialogue that's pointing to Weird Pete is actually Gordo's), Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (two incomplete power listings, and why would Gates need help from Chameleon in adapting to high humidity environments?), Osborn ("preëminent"?), Superman/Batman (Luthor's costume on the cover is wrong, "Powergirl" instead of "Power Girl" at one point), Thunderbolts (Juggernaut's eyes are colored incorrectly).
<-------------------------------->
"ATMAN."
TITLE: Batman (DC).
ISSUE: 704.
CULPRIT: Jared K. Fletcher (letterer).
DISSECTION: Mister Sinister, new reader (or at least new poster, I don't remember him posting before) noticed that credits in this issue say "RITTEN" instead of "WRITTEN". Badge for you, Sinister, and welcome to the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Dick's chest emblem is wrong.
<-------------------------------->
"BLURRED DIALOGUES."
TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).
DISSECTION: This one bears showing:
Seems like Sal pastes the text from the script to work on the balloons and actual lettering... but in this case, he forgot to delete or hide that layer when turning in the completed pages. Once upon a time, I would have been amazed at something like this slipping by an editor, but I've been doing this column for five years now...
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. The first letter of a word is missing in another dialogue; and I'm going to blame that on Sal too this time, and Iris' eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"TIGHT PANTS."
TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).
ISSUE: 59.
CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).
DISSECTION: I'm sorry, but I won't buy that Larfleeze can steal Barry Allen's wallet... if he keeps it on his person, it's probably stored with his clothes inside his ring; because there's no space in Barry's tights (where he pats his leg after noticing Larfleeze has the wallet)...
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Hal Jordan's badge is wrong on the cover and inside.
<-------------------------------->
"FIRST ISSUE EVER... AGAIN!"
TITLE: Spider-Girl V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Stephen Wacker (senior editor), Nate Cosby (editor), Tom Brennan (associate editor), and Mike Horwitz (assistant editor).
DISSECTION: Cover for this first issue says it's the "most synapse-shattering super hero debut of the decade". Really? Can someone explain to me how that's possible? Araña has been around since 2004; and she changed costume and name months ago, jumping around other books with it since then... This is not a debut in any way... at least not a "super hero debut". It might be a "solo series debut" (which would be partially correct), but not what they say...
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ESPAIDERGIR."
TITLE: Spider-Girl V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Paul Tobin (writer).
DISSECTION: Let's go over this again... Anya's original codename was "Araña"... "ARAÑA"... NOT "ARANA"!!! CAN WE FUCKING REMEMBER THAT IN HER OWN FUCKING BOOK FOR FUCK'S SAKE?!!?!!?!?
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Yes, any problem with that?
<-------------------------------->
"MAIDEN OF STEEL DISSECTED."
TITLE: Supergirl V6 (DC).
ISSUE: 58.
CULPRIT: Wil Moss (assistant editor) and/or Matt Idelson (editor)
DISSECTION: Check this one out:
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, there's no way Lois Lane is going to be admitted into Star Labs while wearing a scarf covering most of her face (Muslim-style). I can see Gangbuster letting her in like that, but when she meets him, she's already inside.
<-------------------------------->
"COLOR FACTOR."
TITLE: X-Factor V3 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 211.
CULPRIT: Matt Milla (colorist).
DISSECTION: It's not Jeromy Cox, but what's up with this book? First Layla's eyes are blue, then green (the right color). Then, Madrox's eyes start out brown, as they should be, then change to green, then to brown again.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
This time the average was 6.1 Bazzars in forty-three dissections... I thought it'd be a bit higher. Moments Of The Week! Modern day Justice sees his past self and is distraught by what he wore (pictured right)... oh, right, because what you wear now (pictured left) is sooo much better!!!
Then, from Green Lantern Corps and Batman, two unfortunate sound effects:
And from Tiny Titans, why the hell is Jor-El in league with Zod and his cronies?
Creepy! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"Thirty-year-old rare Islay malt, and you chuck blocks of frozen water into it?" John Constantine, Hellblazer #273.
Now, this is called being up to date... of course, there's no guarantee that I'll get next column out in time; but anyway. This is the column for books released on 11/17. Last column's DT! wasn't cracked, but there wasn't enough time between columns I guess... wait, as I was getting ready to post this column, Donald313 did it. The problem was that Chameleon mentions committing treason, but he's a Russian citizen, which means he can't be charged with treason against the U.S., can he?
The Dissector's Picks Of The Week this time are: Best Book Of The Week is Hellboy: Double Feature Of Evil. If it wasn't for Corben's art (which is still spectacular), this would fit right in with the early Hellboy adventures. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy Hellboy, but it used to be lighter, even with all the horror and darkness... nowadays, it's become too embroiled in its own mythology, and I truly miss the "old days". Worst Book Of The Week was almost, almost, Superman #704; with its cheap shot story about domestic and child violence.. but at least that comic was passably written and drawn. No, this time it's Superman/Batman #78... first a story about "who would win" between the title characters, from the perspective of two kids; and then a very crappy angsty story about Power Girl (dealing with her already resolved "being from another universe" grief) and Huntress (rehashing her "boohoo my mafia family was killed by more mafia" sob story). This book is pointless, pull the plug on it already.
I don't have much to say about the Cover Of The Week except that it's from Darkwing Duck #6, it's by my fellow Uruguayan Diego Jourdan, and it's a homage to a great Batman cover of yesteryear. Not the first, but a good one.The Rundown: The Authority: The Lost Year (Swift's ears are pointy again), The Avengers V4 (inconsistent credit lettering, Jarvis with a full head of hair and blond, Hawkeye doesn't know there's a red Hulk, inconsistent "next issue" lettering), Batman: The Return (Lucius Fox does not look like Morgan Freeman in the comics!), Brightest Day (accented letter), Ghost Projekt (weird dialogue), Green Lantern Corps V2 (several badges and other uniform errors), Hellblazer (the magic circle John left open last issue, the same one Gloria the succubus points to as open... is closed), I Am An Avenger (inconsistent credit lettering, Justice's current costume should expose his ears, an empathic link should not enable you to have a conversation or send images; only emotions), Justice League Of America V2 (Dick's bat emblem is wrong , Zatanna's eyes are colored purple instead of blue), Knights Of The Dinner Table (a dialogue that's pointing to Weird Pete is actually Gordo's), Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (two incomplete power listings, and why would Gates need help from Chameleon in adapting to high humidity environments?), Osborn ("preëminent"?), Superman/Batman (Luthor's costume on the cover is wrong, "Powergirl" instead of "Power Girl" at one point), Thunderbolts (Juggernaut's eyes are colored incorrectly).
<-------------------------------->
"ATMAN."
TITLE: Batman (DC).
ISSUE: 704.
CULPRIT: Jared K. Fletcher (letterer).
DISSECTION: Mister Sinister, new reader (or at least new poster, I don't remember him posting before) noticed that credits in this issue say "RITTEN" instead of "WRITTEN". Badge for you, Sinister, and welcome to the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Dick's chest emblem is wrong.
<-------------------------------->
"BLURRED DIALOGUES."
TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).
DISSECTION: This one bears showing:
Seems like Sal pastes the text from the script to work on the balloons and actual lettering... but in this case, he forgot to delete or hide that layer when turning in the completed pages. Once upon a time, I would have been amazed at something like this slipping by an editor, but I've been doing this column for five years now...
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. The first letter of a word is missing in another dialogue; and I'm going to blame that on Sal too this time, and Iris' eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"TIGHT PANTS."
TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).
ISSUE: 59.
CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).
DISSECTION: I'm sorry, but I won't buy that Larfleeze can steal Barry Allen's wallet... if he keeps it on his person, it's probably stored with his clothes inside his ring; because there's no space in Barry's tights (where he pats his leg after noticing Larfleeze has the wallet)...
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Hal Jordan's badge is wrong on the cover and inside.
<-------------------------------->
"FIRST ISSUE EVER... AGAIN!"
TITLE: Spider-Girl V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Stephen Wacker (senior editor), Nate Cosby (editor), Tom Brennan (associate editor), and Mike Horwitz (assistant editor).
DISSECTION: Cover for this first issue says it's the "most synapse-shattering super hero debut of the decade". Really? Can someone explain to me how that's possible? Araña has been around since 2004; and she changed costume and name months ago, jumping around other books with it since then... This is not a debut in any way... at least not a "super hero debut". It might be a "solo series debut" (which would be partially correct), but not what they say...
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ESPAIDERGIR."
TITLE: Spider-Girl V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Paul Tobin (writer).
DISSECTION: Let's go over this again... Anya's original codename was "Araña"... "ARAÑA"... NOT "ARANA"!!! CAN WE FUCKING REMEMBER THAT IN HER OWN FUCKING BOOK FOR FUCK'S SAKE?!!?!!?!?
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Yes, any problem with that?
<-------------------------------->
"MAIDEN OF STEEL DISSECTED."
TITLE: Supergirl V6 (DC).
ISSUE: 58.
CULPRIT: Wil Moss (assistant editor) and/or Matt Idelson (editor)
DISSECTION: Check this one out:
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, there's no way Lois Lane is going to be admitted into Star Labs while wearing a scarf covering most of her face (Muslim-style). I can see Gangbuster letting her in like that, but when she meets him, she's already inside.
<-------------------------------->
"COLOR FACTOR."
TITLE: X-Factor V3 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 211.
CULPRIT: Matt Milla (colorist).
DISSECTION: It's not Jeromy Cox, but what's up with this book? First Layla's eyes are blue, then green (the right color). Then, Madrox's eyes start out brown, as they should be, then change to green, then to brown again.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
This time the average was 6.1 Bazzars in forty-three dissections... I thought it'd be a bit higher. Moments Of The Week! Modern day Justice sees his past self and is distraught by what he wore (pictured right)... oh, right, because what you wear now (pictured left) is sooo much better!!!
Then, from Green Lantern Corps and Batman, two unfortunate sound effects:
And from Tiny Titans, why the hell is Jor-El in league with Zod and his cronies?
Creepy! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
Monday, November 22, 2010
The Dissector #186.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"I've said it before and I'll say it again. Jarvis is an Avenger. He is as much an Avenger as any of us." Steve Rogers, Avengers Assemble, The Oral History Of Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Chapter 12, The New Avengers V2 #6.
Still playing that game of "ketchup", here's the column for books released on 11/10. Last column's DT! was cracked by JohnnyDoe, who spotted that Bucky's Tommy gun ammo drum is in a ridiculous angle regarding the rest of the gun. Badge for you, Johnny.
Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week... Best Book Of The Week was Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art Of Science #1. Not only do we get to see "teenage" Robo having adventures with a mystery man of his universe (in what's probably the late 20s or early 30s), but we see some of his father/son dynamic with Tesla himself. You all know how much I love this book. Worst Book Of The Week was Batman: The Return Of Bruce Wayne #6, last issue of this poor miniseries. Not only Grant Morrison's plot makes no sense, mistaking chaotic storytelling for innovation, but they couldn't even have one artist do all the pages (much like the previous issue). On top of that, the release timing is bad, because it comes out after all the (also horrible) "Road Home" one-shots with the "Insider" crap...
Cover Of The Week is from Dungeons & Dragons #1 (by IDW); with art by Tyler Walpole and production work by someone uncredited, to make it look like an old school gaming module. Yeah, I admit it, I liked this because of a novelty issue; the actual cover art isn't that wonderful... but the effect they were looking for was achieved. Not only that, but the feel of the actual issue is that of a tabletop game (regardless of the fact that I do not like the D&D 4E rule system), and the actual module is included in the issue. It might not be the best cover art ever, or the best comic book of the week... but it certainly is the best issue gimmick of the week.
The Rundown: Avengers: The Children’s Crusade (Doom's eyes are colored incorrectly twice, inconsistent credit lettering), Batgirl V3 (Oracle's eyes should be blue, not green), Batman: The Return Of Bruce Wayne (Hal Jordan's badge is wrong, it should be "déjà vu" and not "dejà vu"), Birds Of Prey V3 (weird dialogue at one point), Dungeons & Dragons (the fantastic metal is "adamantine" or, more commonly in RPGs, "adamantite", not "adamanite"), G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (wrongly sized Cyrillic letters in the art), Invaders Now! (accented letters, Namor's eyes should be grey), Knights Of The Dinner Table ("Hat Of Opulent Lodging" becomes "Hat Of Opulant Loding"), New Mutants Forever (NOVA ROMA IS NOT IN THE FUCKING ANDES, CHRIS!!! YOU CREATED IT AND PLACED IT IN THE AMAZON JUNGLE!!!), R.E.B.E.L.S. (Psion computer monitor with English text), Shadowland: Daughters Of The Shadow (Misty Knight, a black woman, gets her eyes colored blue, and then green; none of those colors are correct for her eyes), Titans V2 (Batman's gloves are wrong, Ray Palmer is not blond and brown-eyed, Tattooed Man is Mark Richards, not "Richard"), X-Men Forever 2 (Genosha, even at the height of its power, could never be considered on par with the US; Lockheed's fangs shouldn't be that large).
<-------------------------------->
"BIG TIME DISSECTION."
TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man (Marvel).
ISSUE: 648.
CULPRIT: Dan Slott (writer).
DISSECTION: Check this one out:
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Reed Richard's eyes are colored incorrectly on the cover, Michele Gonzales' eyes and skin are wrong too, "skeletal crew" is used instead of "skeleton crew", and Captain America's boots are colored red when they should be black.
<-------------------------------->
"BEAUTIFUL WORLD."
TITLE: The Avengers Prime (Marvel).
ISSUE: 04 of 05.
CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).
DISSECTION: Why would Thor refer to Jotunheim, land of his people's mortal enemies, as "that beautiful realm"?
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OBJECTION!"
TITLE: Captain America V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 346.
CULPRIT: Mark Gruenwald (writer).
DISSECTION: An older one to pad out the column... Louis Hamilton, aka Stonewall is playing a lawyer in a mock trial for Quicksilver, and acts like a lumbering idiot, quoting "L.A. Law" for example... but the character is actually lawyer, something the late Gruenwald didn't bother to check.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"VOLUME, VOLUME."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: Various.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: I've referred to the current Captain America book as volume 1; but it's actually (technically) volume 2. I count volume numbers based on numbering; thus, books that have gone back to their previous numbering (like Captain America, Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, Superman, etc) count as "V1". In this case, the current Cap Book continues numbering from the Captain America book that picked up numbering from Tales Of Suspense (as Thor did with Journey Into Mystery, for example).
The original book was Captain America Comics, published starting in 1941 by Timely/Atlas (and then Complete Photo Story, and Marjean Magazine), running up to issue 75 (that issue and the previous one were actually cover titled Captain America's Weird Tales). In 1954, however, Atlas published issues 76 through 78 of "Captain America", continuing the previous' book numbering, and portraying the "Commie Smasher" Captain America that was later retconned into being the crazy "Steve Roger" guy. Atlas, Timely, etc, are all effectively considered Marvel, and in any case, with Captain America I'd consider volumes from other companies as I've done with characters like Blue Beetle. So, to sum up, the current Captain America series is V2, if only because of the three 50s issues.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GALACTIC CIVIL RIGHTs."
TITLE: Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (DC).
ISSUE: 04.
CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer).
DISSECTION: Guy Gardner and other lanterns break into a torture (sorry, interrogation) chamber in Daxam to confront Sodam Yat's father (who's doing the interrogating), and he threatens them that he's going to submit a "GOTG-22" and "have" Guy's ring. What? The Guardians do not subject the Green Lantern Corps to complaints and overseeing by the worlds they patrol and protect; in fact, that's been a major plot point in books like L.E.G.I.O.N., R.E.B.E.L.S., Darkstars, etc, etc.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, GL badges on Kilowog and Guy Gardner are wrong, and Guy's is positioned too low on his jacket.
<-------------------------------->
This time we returned to an average within the usual parameters, 6.4 Bazzars in thirty seven dissections. Moments Of The Week! First up, a prepared nerd is a surviving nerd:
SHAZAM! Next, some D&D characters have their priorities straight:
That sounds like something out of the mouth of some players I know... Still within D&D, you've got to have cooperation from the local law:
That's helpful! And last, don't sass Tesla!
Nine crackers. Precisely nine. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"I've said it before and I'll say it again. Jarvis is an Avenger. He is as much an Avenger as any of us." Steve Rogers, Avengers Assemble, The Oral History Of Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Chapter 12, The New Avengers V2 #6.
Still playing that game of "ketchup", here's the column for books released on 11/10. Last column's DT! was cracked by JohnnyDoe, who spotted that Bucky's Tommy gun ammo drum is in a ridiculous angle regarding the rest of the gun. Badge for you, Johnny.
Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week... Best Book Of The Week was Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art Of Science #1. Not only do we get to see "teenage" Robo having adventures with a mystery man of his universe (in what's probably the late 20s or early 30s), but we see some of his father/son dynamic with Tesla himself. You all know how much I love this book. Worst Book Of The Week was Batman: The Return Of Bruce Wayne #6, last issue of this poor miniseries. Not only Grant Morrison's plot makes no sense, mistaking chaotic storytelling for innovation, but they couldn't even have one artist do all the pages (much like the previous issue). On top of that, the release timing is bad, because it comes out after all the (also horrible) "Road Home" one-shots with the "Insider" crap...
Cover Of The Week is from Dungeons & Dragons #1 (by IDW); with art by Tyler Walpole and production work by someone uncredited, to make it look like an old school gaming module. Yeah, I admit it, I liked this because of a novelty issue; the actual cover art isn't that wonderful... but the effect they were looking for was achieved. Not only that, but the feel of the actual issue is that of a tabletop game (regardless of the fact that I do not like the D&D 4E rule system), and the actual module is included in the issue. It might not be the best cover art ever, or the best comic book of the week... but it certainly is the best issue gimmick of the week.The Rundown: Avengers: The Children’s Crusade (Doom's eyes are colored incorrectly twice, inconsistent credit lettering), Batgirl V3 (Oracle's eyes should be blue, not green), Batman: The Return Of Bruce Wayne (Hal Jordan's badge is wrong, it should be "déjà vu" and not "dejà vu"), Birds Of Prey V3 (weird dialogue at one point), Dungeons & Dragons (the fantastic metal is "adamantine" or, more commonly in RPGs, "adamantite", not "adamanite"), G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (wrongly sized Cyrillic letters in the art), Invaders Now! (accented letters, Namor's eyes should be grey), Knights Of The Dinner Table ("Hat Of Opulent Lodging" becomes "Hat Of Opulant Loding"), New Mutants Forever (NOVA ROMA IS NOT IN THE FUCKING ANDES, CHRIS!!! YOU CREATED IT AND PLACED IT IN THE AMAZON JUNGLE!!!), R.E.B.E.L.S. (Psion computer monitor with English text), Shadowland: Daughters Of The Shadow (Misty Knight, a black woman, gets her eyes colored blue, and then green; none of those colors are correct for her eyes), Titans V2 (Batman's gloves are wrong, Ray Palmer is not blond and brown-eyed, Tattooed Man is Mark Richards, not "Richard"), X-Men Forever 2 (Genosha, even at the height of its power, could never be considered on par with the US; Lockheed's fangs shouldn't be that large).
<-------------------------------->
"BIG TIME DISSECTION."
TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man (Marvel).
ISSUE: 648.
CULPRIT: Dan Slott (writer).
DISSECTION: Check this one out:
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Reed Richard's eyes are colored incorrectly on the cover, Michele Gonzales' eyes and skin are wrong too, "skeletal crew" is used instead of "skeleton crew", and Captain America's boots are colored red when they should be black.
<-------------------------------->
"BEAUTIFUL WORLD."
TITLE: The Avengers Prime (Marvel).
ISSUE: 04 of 05.
CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).
DISSECTION: Why would Thor refer to Jotunheim, land of his people's mortal enemies, as "that beautiful realm"?
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OBJECTION!"
TITLE: Captain America V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 346.
CULPRIT: Mark Gruenwald (writer).
DISSECTION: An older one to pad out the column... Louis Hamilton, aka Stonewall is playing a lawyer in a mock trial for Quicksilver, and acts like a lumbering idiot, quoting "L.A. Law" for example... but the character is actually lawyer, something the late Gruenwald didn't bother to check.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"VOLUME, VOLUME."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: Various.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: I've referred to the current Captain America book as volume 1; but it's actually (technically) volume 2. I count volume numbers based on numbering; thus, books that have gone back to their previous numbering (like Captain America, Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, Superman, etc) count as "V1". In this case, the current Cap Book continues numbering from the Captain America book that picked up numbering from Tales Of Suspense (as Thor did with Journey Into Mystery, for example).
The original book was Captain America Comics, published starting in 1941 by Timely/Atlas (and then Complete Photo Story, and Marjean Magazine), running up to issue 75 (that issue and the previous one were actually cover titled Captain America's Weird Tales). In 1954, however, Atlas published issues 76 through 78 of "Captain America", continuing the previous' book numbering, and portraying the "Commie Smasher" Captain America that was later retconned into being the crazy "Steve Roger" guy. Atlas, Timely, etc, are all effectively considered Marvel, and in any case, with Captain America I'd consider volumes from other companies as I've done with characters like Blue Beetle. So, to sum up, the current Captain America series is V2, if only because of the three 50s issues.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GALACTIC CIVIL RIGHTs."
TITLE: Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (DC).
ISSUE: 04.
CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer).
DISSECTION: Guy Gardner and other lanterns break into a torture (sorry, interrogation) chamber in Daxam to confront Sodam Yat's father (who's doing the interrogating), and he threatens them that he's going to submit a "GOTG-22" and "have" Guy's ring. What? The Guardians do not subject the Green Lantern Corps to complaints and overseeing by the worlds they patrol and protect; in fact, that's been a major plot point in books like L.E.G.I.O.N., R.E.B.E.L.S., Darkstars, etc, etc.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, GL badges on Kilowog and Guy Gardner are wrong, and Guy's is positioned too low on his jacket.
<-------------------------------->
This time we returned to an average within the usual parameters, 6.4 Bazzars in thirty seven dissections. Moments Of The Week! First up, a prepared nerd is a surviving nerd:
SHAZAM! Next, some D&D characters have their priorities straight:
That sounds like something out of the mouth of some players I know... Still within D&D, you've got to have cooperation from the local law:
That's helpful! And last, don't sass Tesla!
Nine crackers. Precisely nine. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The Dissector #184.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"Why does every BBQ I have end with a dead hippie being molested?" Franky, Billy The Kid's Old Timey Oddities And The Ghastly Fiend Of London #2 (The Goon backup story).
And here we are, still playing catch up. This is the column for books released on 10/27; and another month ends with that week. Don't be surprised if I churn out another column within the week... but don't be disappointed if I don't.
Last week's DT! was cracked by Darryn, who correctly mentioned the fact that both Supergirl and Batman (Dick Grayson) are members of the current JLA line up, and it wouldn't be logical for her to not know if he was out on actual JLA business. Darryn gets a badge for that, and he also gets an apology for me not mentioning he had solved the previous one as well. In fact, I didn't even mention the DT! from #182 last column, which was that Cannonball cannot float in mid-air without his blast field showing. Darryn gets a badge for cracking that one, and he gets a second badge in apology too.
The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week was Captain America: Patriot #3, not much that I can say that I haven't said before in this column about that book. In fact, this is the third issue of the book, and each issue has been Best Book Of The Week when it came out. Karl Kesel and Mitch & Bettie Breitweiser do a top-notch job. Worst Book Of The Week was Superman #704... G. Willow Wilson can't salvage JMS's boring storyline, and much less if this is what the art by Leandro Oliveira (and Rod Reis's uncharacteristic bad coloring) looks like. DC, this is Superman, the namesake title of your most important character... don't allow this stuff to happen.
The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man (Harry Osborn's eyes are colored incorrectly), The Avengers V4 (inconsistent lettering, Tony Stark's eyes shouldn't be brown), Avengers And The Infinity Gauntlet (Hulk's eyes are colored incorrectly, his size is wrong and he changes sizes, Doom's eyes are wrong too), Avengers Vs. Pet Avengers (for the nth time, Lockheed doesn't have plates), Black Widow V4 ("foriegn"), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Oracle (Alfred's eyes and hair are colored incorrectly... ALFRED, FOR GOD'S SAKE... ALMOST BALD, BLACK/GRAY HAIR, BLUE EYES!!!), Captain America: Patriot (accented letters), Fantastic Four V1 ("a hour"), Shadowland: Moon Knight (accented letter), Spider-Man Vs. Vampires (vampires don't have a society? bullshit, it flies against the large vampire storyline currently running in the X-Men), Star Wars: Invasion - Rescues (again, The New Jedi Order era is not about Luke Skywalker and his descendants), Supergirl V6 (how is Saturn Girl nicknamed Emm, when her name is Imra?), Superman V1 (Lois Lane should not be an orange belt in a martial art, given her history, she should be a black belt), Teen Titans V3 ("docter"?), Thunderbolts (Juggernaut's eyes are colored wrong), Time Masters: Vanishing Point (Hal Jordan's badge both in the cover and inside the book is wrong, and his boots get colored white in a panel), Ultimate Avengers 3 ("athrax"), Ultimate Mystery (Nathaniel Essex gets referred to as "Sterns", a scene has all the speech balloons mixed up between four characters), Uncanny X-Men (Cannonball's power description is incomplete), X-Men: Curse Of The Mutants - X-Men Vs. Vampires (Rockslide is drawn much smaller than he should be).
<-------------------------------->
"TIME LIMITATIONS."
TITLE: Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Ra's Al Ghul (DC).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Fabian Nicieza (writer).
DISSECTION: I refuse to believe that Bruce's stupid Insider armor needs twenty four hours between uses of the JLA teleporter. It's ridiculous, no matter how much I turn it around in my head. This is BATMAN, who (also stupidly) supposedly BUILT AND PROGRAMMED A SATELLITE TO SPY ON SUPERHUMANS.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
""
TITLE: DC Universe: Legacies (DC)
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Len Wein (writer).
DISSECTION: Again, there is no way the main character could have been alive while the original (Golden) Guardian was first active, and now meet his cloned version?
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CREDIT, WHERE CREDIT IS DUE."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 183.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: As mentioned before, I forgot to include the solution and the "solver" of the previous DT! in column #183. JohnnyDoe noticed this, and gets a badge.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FUSILLADE."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 183.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: Donald313 noticed the following: I wrote "Hous of M", "colored buy Jeromy Cox", "his last" (instead of "his last name"), "there a couple of" (instead of "there are").
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each, four badges more for Donald313... who now surpasses JohnnyDoe as highest ranking active member in the HDSC (below me). Both are Commanders, Don has 33 badges, and JD 32.
<-------------------------------->
"OH MY GOD! WHAT'S NEXT, SUPERPOWERED BANK ROBBERS?"
TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 44.
CULPRIT: Marc Guggenheim (writer).
DISSECTION: Really, Alan Scott is surprised and shocked that super powered terrorists exist?
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FOREVER DISSECTION 2."
TITLE: X-Men Forever 2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 10.
CULPRIT: Mike Grell (penciller).
DISSECTION: Spot this one:
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. There are also other lettering, coloring, pencilling and writing dissections in this issue and issue #9.
<-------------------------------->
Average this time is 6.1 Bazzars in forty-eight dissections. Regular. Now, Cover Of The Week is by Sean Murphy, for Hellblazer: City Of Demons:
I'm not sold on the Pinocchio nose on John, but the book is enjoyable, and this cover is nice. Moments Of The Week! First, Captain America is not afraid to hit a woman when she deserves it:
Of course, she deserves it for being a racist and a criminal, not for being female. Now, who does Ben Grimm have dinner with when he's human-looking for a day?
Stan and Jack, of course! And how do you purge bad luck from your gaming dice?
The list of ingredients is pretty hard to get... And guess who's a father again?
Yup. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"Why does every BBQ I have end with a dead hippie being molested?" Franky, Billy The Kid's Old Timey Oddities And The Ghastly Fiend Of London #2 (The Goon backup story).
And here we are, still playing catch up. This is the column for books released on 10/27; and another month ends with that week. Don't be surprised if I churn out another column within the week... but don't be disappointed if I don't.
Last week's DT! was cracked by Darryn, who correctly mentioned the fact that both Supergirl and Batman (Dick Grayson) are members of the current JLA line up, and it wouldn't be logical for her to not know if he was out on actual JLA business. Darryn gets a badge for that, and he also gets an apology for me not mentioning he had solved the previous one as well. In fact, I didn't even mention the DT! from #182 last column, which was that Cannonball cannot float in mid-air without his blast field showing. Darryn gets a badge for cracking that one, and he gets a second badge in apology too.
The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week was Captain America: Patriot #3, not much that I can say that I haven't said before in this column about that book. In fact, this is the third issue of the book, and each issue has been Best Book Of The Week when it came out. Karl Kesel and Mitch & Bettie Breitweiser do a top-notch job. Worst Book Of The Week was Superman #704... G. Willow Wilson can't salvage JMS's boring storyline, and much less if this is what the art by Leandro Oliveira (and Rod Reis's uncharacteristic bad coloring) looks like. DC, this is Superman, the namesake title of your most important character... don't allow this stuff to happen.
The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man (Harry Osborn's eyes are colored incorrectly), The Avengers V4 (inconsistent lettering, Tony Stark's eyes shouldn't be brown), Avengers And The Infinity Gauntlet (Hulk's eyes are colored incorrectly, his size is wrong and he changes sizes, Doom's eyes are wrong too), Avengers Vs. Pet Avengers (for the nth time, Lockheed doesn't have plates), Black Widow V4 ("foriegn"), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Oracle (Alfred's eyes and hair are colored incorrectly... ALFRED, FOR GOD'S SAKE... ALMOST BALD, BLACK/GRAY HAIR, BLUE EYES!!!), Captain America: Patriot (accented letters), Fantastic Four V1 ("a hour"), Shadowland: Moon Knight (accented letter), Spider-Man Vs. Vampires (vampires don't have a society? bullshit, it flies against the large vampire storyline currently running in the X-Men), Star Wars: Invasion - Rescues (again, The New Jedi Order era is not about Luke Skywalker and his descendants), Supergirl V6 (how is Saturn Girl nicknamed Emm, when her name is Imra?), Superman V1 (Lois Lane should not be an orange belt in a martial art, given her history, she should be a black belt), Teen Titans V3 ("docter"?), Thunderbolts (Juggernaut's eyes are colored wrong), Time Masters: Vanishing Point (Hal Jordan's badge both in the cover and inside the book is wrong, and his boots get colored white in a panel), Ultimate Avengers 3 ("athrax"), Ultimate Mystery (Nathaniel Essex gets referred to as "Sterns", a scene has all the speech balloons mixed up between four characters), Uncanny X-Men (Cannonball's power description is incomplete), X-Men: Curse Of The Mutants - X-Men Vs. Vampires (Rockslide is drawn much smaller than he should be).
<-------------------------------->
"TIME LIMITATIONS."
TITLE: Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Ra's Al Ghul (DC).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Fabian Nicieza (writer).
DISSECTION: I refuse to believe that Bruce's stupid Insider armor needs twenty four hours between uses of the JLA teleporter. It's ridiculous, no matter how much I turn it around in my head. This is BATMAN, who (also stupidly) supposedly BUILT AND PROGRAMMED A SATELLITE TO SPY ON SUPERHUMANS.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
""
TITLE: DC Universe: Legacies (DC)
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Len Wein (writer).
DISSECTION: Again, there is no way the main character could have been alive while the original (Golden) Guardian was first active, and now meet his cloned version?
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CREDIT, WHERE CREDIT IS DUE."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 183.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: As mentioned before, I forgot to include the solution and the "solver" of the previous DT! in column #183. JohnnyDoe noticed this, and gets a badge.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FUSILLADE."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 183.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: Donald313 noticed the following: I wrote "Hous of M", "colored buy Jeromy Cox", "his last" (instead of "his last name"), "there a couple of" (instead of "there are").
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each, four badges more for Donald313... who now surpasses JohnnyDoe as highest ranking active member in the HDSC (below me). Both are Commanders, Don has 33 badges, and JD 32.
<-------------------------------->
"OH MY GOD! WHAT'S NEXT, SUPERPOWERED BANK ROBBERS?"
TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 44.
CULPRIT: Marc Guggenheim (writer).
DISSECTION: Really, Alan Scott is surprised and shocked that super powered terrorists exist?
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FOREVER DISSECTION 2."
TITLE: X-Men Forever 2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 10.
CULPRIT: Mike Grell (penciller).
DISSECTION: Spot this one:
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. There are also other lettering, coloring, pencilling and writing dissections in this issue and issue #9.
<-------------------------------->
Average this time is 6.1 Bazzars in forty-eight dissections. Regular. Now, Cover Of The Week is by Sean Murphy, for Hellblazer: City Of Demons:
I'm not sold on the Pinocchio nose on John, but the book is enjoyable, and this cover is nice. Moments Of The Week! First, Captain America is not afraid to hit a woman when she deserves it:
Of course, she deserves it for being a racist and a criminal, not for being female. Now, who does Ben Grimm have dinner with when he's human-looking for a day?
Stan and Jack, of course! And how do you purge bad luck from your gaming dice?
The list of ingredients is pretty hard to get... And guess who's a father again?
Yup. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
The Dissector #183.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"You can see why he gives us so much pleasure. All that arcane knowledge in the hands of a self-destructive fuck-up. It makes for wonderful viewing." Nergal, about John Constantine, Hellblazer #272.
Hello all! This is the fifth anniversary column of The Dissector!!! Formerly known as The Nitpicker's Column, it was first published in issue #549 of the Comic Book Electronic Network Magazine, on 11/11/05. It's been five years in which a lot has happened to me, including a new job (not long after starting the column); my son was already a year old back then, but he's obviously grown up a lot. I'm older, my hair's greyer, and I'm fatter... I might be wiser too, but I doubt it.
Culprits in that first column were Haden Blackman (writer of a Rogue Squadron mini), Warren Elis (writer for JLA Declassified), Greg Rucka (writer, for Queen & Country), Brian Michael Bendis (writer for Hous Of M), Jeromy Cox & Guy Major (colorists, for Infinite Crisis), Phil Jimenez (artist, for Infinite Crisis), and Nick J. Napolitano (letterer, for Infinite Crisis). Jimenez and Napolitano don't come around much, and Blackman hasn't been on the column again, basically because he's mostly written Clone Wars Adventures, Jango Fett, and other Star Wars stuff from characters and eras I don't care about... however, he did write the comic for The Force Unleashed, in which, apart from considering it lame, I didn't find any errors in... and I have The Force Unleashed II in a reading pile... so... you never know.
Bendis has come back regularly, but rarely for anything too big, and Rucka has been around less, but no horrible mistakes either. Major is one of the most prolific colorists around, so he obviously pops up here and there; like anyone else who publishes that much work. Jeromy Cox, however... well, he's responsible for the Robin cape-debacle, one of my favorite dissections of all time, as early as column #2, and he's often featured in the column for getting like, not one eye color in an issue right.
Funny thing? I quote myself from that column when explaining the layout and working of the column "(...) the main responsible for the mistake is, usually the writer, sometimes the artist, and, rarely, somebody else, like a letterer or colorist (...)". Yeah, rarely the letterer or colorist... boy, was I naive of what? Read that first column, and tell me if you see some improvement on my writing. I've said on other anniversaries that I did notice a difference, but now... I really don't.
On another personal note, I just made contact with a fellow comic blogger by the name of Martin Gray, and he reviewed "Teenagers From The Future", the book about the Legion Of Super-Heroes I wrote an essay for. Not only that, he wrote the following:
"My favourite essay is Martin A Perez's Fashion from the future, or 'I swear, Computo Forced Me To Wear This'. It's written at the level of a great fanzine article - light, entertaining and insightful."
Ego boosts are good for the soul, my friends. I'd like to also invite you to "like" the Facebook page for Teenagers From The Future.
Let's get on with the actual column, shall we? This is for comics released on 10/20; as usual, with some older stuff thrown in when I read it after publishing date. Here are The Dissector's Picks Of The Week: Best Book Of The Week was The Sixth Gun #5; a pretty interesting (if not necessarily groundbreaking) script by Cullen Bunn; good art (and lettering) by Brian Hurtt... and I'm assuming acceptable colors are by Hurtt as well, for lack of any other credit. A supernatural western adventure with magic guns? Win. Worst Book Of The Week was Soldier Zero #1... first of all, the whole "STAN LEE'S..." shtick gets tiresome, I love Stan, but he hasn't done anything worth getting excited about than play "Stan Lee" in numerous media outlets... his writing days are long away from his heyday. And if I open the book and find he's not even credited as creator or plotter, but just as "Grand Poobah", it gets even more difficult to take this seriously. Paul Cornell's writing is not close to his usual level, Javier Pina's art is not bad, but it's not enough to turn this into a book that's worth anything beyond a quick flip in the comic shop. As I tweeted after reading it: "Soldier Zero = Captain Marvel (Batson) + Blue Beetle (Reyes) + Green Lantern (Jordan) + Hulk/4 = Bland. Sorry Stan."
The Rundown: Batman: The Return Of Bruce Wayne (Tim Drake says he was Batman's partner longer than anyone, and I don't think that adds up, he went solo pretty early in his career, I don't think it nets him more time partnering with Batman than it does Dick Grayson), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Commissioner Gordon (accented letter), DC Universe Halloween Special 2010 (Spanish dialogue from Blue Beetle is within translation brackets, but untranslated), Hellblazer (the plural of succubus is "succubi", not "succubae"), Hulk V3 (the designation of the comets changes from one story to the other), Ides Of Blood ("pleaures" instead of "pleasures"), Justice League Of America V2 (Batman's chest emblem is wrong, and it changes a few times throughout the issue), Power Girl V2 (Batman's belt, glove and chest emblem are wrong), Shadowland: Power Man (characters "refresh browser history" to see what another one was looking at on his computer... but you don't "refresh browser history"... you refresh a page you have on your browser, or you check the browser history...), Star Trek: Captains Log: Jellico (a science officer's uniform changes color to a security/engineering uniform between pages), Supergirl V6 ("supplicants", again... dictionaries don't bite), X-Factor V3 (Wolfsbane and Rictor's eyes are colored incorrectly... buy Jeromy Cox!).
<-------------------------------->
"LET'S START WITH ME, SHALL WE?"
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: #182
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: I wrote "R'as" instead of "Ra's", and JohnnyDoe called me on it, getting a badge. As a Commander, JohnnyDoe is the highest active member of the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps, after myself (I might be the Grand Admiral, but I'm there on the frontlines with you, guys). High Admiral Nysie holds an honorary rank for designing my logo; and ViceAdmiral Snakebyte is not among my regular readers lately. Keep at it, JD, you need ten more badges to make Captain.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO ARE THOSE GUYS? WHAT IS THIS, MOSAIC?"
TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 53.
CULPRIT: Tyler Kirkham (penciller) and Nei Rufino (colorist)
DISSECTION: What? Bystanders on Korugar are colored like humans, some lighter, others darker, and it's not a trick of the light or anything, because in the same light as Kyle Rayner, many share his skin color. But that's not the worst thing... they're dressed, unequivocally, in Earth clothes: jackets, baseball caps, hoodies. People from Korugar have pink or red skin, and they certainly shouldn't be wearing normal Earth garments.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars, double. Also, Sinestro's ring is colored like his skin in a panel (that's where all the pink ink went!).
<-------------------------------->
"FUCKING FIRES, HOW DO THEY WORK?"
TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (DC).
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).
DISSECTION: Cosmic Boy goes to the Legion Academy, and while he's reviewing the students, a fire breaks out nearby and they are the closest ones to respond. They go to the scene, and one student that has variable powers (Variable Lad), in this case uses them to become super smart and learn what the best way of putting out the fire is: using the powers of another student who can control chemical reactions (Chemical Kid), because fire is an oxidation. Uhm... and they needed a super intelligent being to figure that out?
Regardless of him being a student and not a battle-hardened Legionnaire, a guy whose powers are to control chemical reactions should think of that first, particularly in the 30th century, with the kind of education they have, plus any further education someone with chemical controlling powers should get on the subject. Controlling the oxidation should be a gut response from Chemical Kid, the same as Bataranging or punching a bank robber is Batman's!
Not to mention the fact that there's two veteran Legionnaires there (Cosmic Boy and Duplicate Girl), and a handful of other students, most of whom should have a pretty advanced science education when compared to today's teenagers or young adults. Anyone today with a barely decent education should know that a fire is a chemical reaction.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, there a couple of smaller accented letters, missing powers on Timber Wolf's description, and Gravity Kid (complete with a skin-showing costume a la Cosmic Boy at one point, but not that revealing, as he has pants) becomes super-heavy and uses "his mass" to create a firebreak (a crater, actually)... when it should be his weight. In the election "ad", Tenzil Kem's eyes are colored incorrectly. Still, despite some dissections, this book remains a great read.
<-------------------------------->
"OLD SCHOOL."
TITLE: The Nitpicker (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer without a moustache).
DISSECTION: Yup... the first column. I re-read it for this anniversary, and noticed I billed Jeromy Cox as "Jeremy". Good thing I didn't spell his last "Cocks".
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FREE DOESN'T HAVE TO MEAN CHEAP."
TITLE: Spider-Man Saga V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: One Shot.
CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen (handbook section overseer).
DISSECTION: The credits on one of the Kraven family profiles say "Art by Barry Kitson with Phillipe Briones (inset)", but there is no inset picture in the entry. Sidney spotted this one, and he gets a badge.
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECT/THIS!"
TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).
ISSUE: 77.
CULPRIT: Joshua Williamson (writer).
DISSECTION: What's wrong here? You must be up with current (six months to a year) comics for this one.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
So, an average of 6.1 Bazzars in thirty-two dissections. Cover Of The Week is Jim Lee's variant for Legion Of Super-Heroes #6:
Great "Brainy as the Thinker" cover. Simple, yet effective. Now, Moments Of The Week... first up, from an old issue of Knights Of The Dinner table, what happens when you trick players at a convention into joining a live action game of D-Day?
In the KODTverse, that... Next, curious as to why the Legion's newest "recruit" has been behaving heroically?
Uh-oh... this CAN'T backfire... Back to the present, the Insider is impressed that Oracle seems to know who he is:
YOU'RE WEARING A YELLOW UTILITY BELT! YOU HAVE A SUIT THAT GIVES YOU THE POWERS OF CLASSIC JUSTICE LEAGUE MEMBERS! YOUR GLOVES HAVE BATMAN SPIKES!!! AND SHE'S THE FOREMOST EXPERT IN INFORMATION IN THE SUPERHERO COMMUNITY!!! STOP TREATING THIS INSIDER SHIT AS MYSTERIOUS, IT'S OBVIOUS TO ALL HIS FUCKING ALLIES (AND ANYONE WHO CAN ADD 2+2) THAT THAT'S BATMAN!!!!!
*sigh* What's next? Oh, I know, the solution to all problems:
LASERS! And for the end, another KODT moment:
I don't know, I've played with some people I'm not sure what step of the evolutionary ladder they were on... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"You can see why he gives us so much pleasure. All that arcane knowledge in the hands of a self-destructive fuck-up. It makes for wonderful viewing." Nergal, about John Constantine, Hellblazer #272.
Hello all! This is the fifth anniversary column of The Dissector!!! Formerly known as The Nitpicker's Column, it was first published in issue #549 of the Comic Book Electronic Network Magazine, on 11/11/05. It's been five years in which a lot has happened to me, including a new job (not long after starting the column); my son was already a year old back then, but he's obviously grown up a lot. I'm older, my hair's greyer, and I'm fatter... I might be wiser too, but I doubt it.
Culprits in that first column were Haden Blackman (writer of a Rogue Squadron mini), Warren Elis (writer for JLA Declassified), Greg Rucka (writer, for Queen & Country), Brian Michael Bendis (writer for Hous Of M), Jeromy Cox & Guy Major (colorists, for Infinite Crisis), Phil Jimenez (artist, for Infinite Crisis), and Nick J. Napolitano (letterer, for Infinite Crisis). Jimenez and Napolitano don't come around much, and Blackman hasn't been on the column again, basically because he's mostly written Clone Wars Adventures, Jango Fett, and other Star Wars stuff from characters and eras I don't care about... however, he did write the comic for The Force Unleashed, in which, apart from considering it lame, I didn't find any errors in... and I have The Force Unleashed II in a reading pile... so... you never know.
Bendis has come back regularly, but rarely for anything too big, and Rucka has been around less, but no horrible mistakes either. Major is one of the most prolific colorists around, so he obviously pops up here and there; like anyone else who publishes that much work. Jeromy Cox, however... well, he's responsible for the Robin cape-debacle, one of my favorite dissections of all time, as early as column #2, and he's often featured in the column for getting like, not one eye color in an issue right.
Funny thing? I quote myself from that column when explaining the layout and working of the column "(...) the main responsible for the mistake is, usually the writer, sometimes the artist, and, rarely, somebody else, like a letterer or colorist (...)". Yeah, rarely the letterer or colorist... boy, was I naive of what? Read that first column, and tell me if you see some improvement on my writing. I've said on other anniversaries that I did notice a difference, but now... I really don't.
On another personal note, I just made contact with a fellow comic blogger by the name of Martin Gray, and he reviewed "Teenagers From The Future", the book about the Legion Of Super-Heroes I wrote an essay for. Not only that, he wrote the following:
"My favourite essay is Martin A Perez's Fashion from the future, or 'I swear, Computo Forced Me To Wear This'. It's written at the level of a great fanzine article - light, entertaining and insightful."
Ego boosts are good for the soul, my friends. I'd like to also invite you to "like" the Facebook page for Teenagers From The Future.
Let's get on with the actual column, shall we? This is for comics released on 10/20; as usual, with some older stuff thrown in when I read it after publishing date. Here are The Dissector's Picks Of The Week: Best Book Of The Week was The Sixth Gun #5; a pretty interesting (if not necessarily groundbreaking) script by Cullen Bunn; good art (and lettering) by Brian Hurtt... and I'm assuming acceptable colors are by Hurtt as well, for lack of any other credit. A supernatural western adventure with magic guns? Win. Worst Book Of The Week was Soldier Zero #1... first of all, the whole "STAN LEE'S..." shtick gets tiresome, I love Stan, but he hasn't done anything worth getting excited about than play "Stan Lee" in numerous media outlets... his writing days are long away from his heyday. And if I open the book and find he's not even credited as creator or plotter, but just as "Grand Poobah", it gets even more difficult to take this seriously. Paul Cornell's writing is not close to his usual level, Javier Pina's art is not bad, but it's not enough to turn this into a book that's worth anything beyond a quick flip in the comic shop. As I tweeted after reading it: "Soldier Zero = Captain Marvel (Batson) + Blue Beetle (Reyes) + Green Lantern (Jordan) + Hulk/4 = Bland. Sorry Stan."
The Rundown: Batman: The Return Of Bruce Wayne (Tim Drake says he was Batman's partner longer than anyone, and I don't think that adds up, he went solo pretty early in his career, I don't think it nets him more time partnering with Batman than it does Dick Grayson), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Commissioner Gordon (accented letter), DC Universe Halloween Special 2010 (Spanish dialogue from Blue Beetle is within translation brackets, but untranslated), Hellblazer (the plural of succubus is "succubi", not "succubae"), Hulk V3 (the designation of the comets changes from one story to the other), Ides Of Blood ("pleaures" instead of "pleasures"), Justice League Of America V2 (Batman's chest emblem is wrong, and it changes a few times throughout the issue), Power Girl V2 (Batman's belt, glove and chest emblem are wrong), Shadowland: Power Man (characters "refresh browser history" to see what another one was looking at on his computer... but you don't "refresh browser history"... you refresh a page you have on your browser, or you check the browser history...), Star Trek: Captains Log: Jellico (a science officer's uniform changes color to a security/engineering uniform between pages), Supergirl V6 ("supplicants", again... dictionaries don't bite), X-Factor V3 (Wolfsbane and Rictor's eyes are colored incorrectly... buy Jeromy Cox!).
<-------------------------------->
"LET'S START WITH ME, SHALL WE?"
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: #182
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: I wrote "R'as" instead of "Ra's", and JohnnyDoe called me on it, getting a badge. As a Commander, JohnnyDoe is the highest active member of the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps, after myself (I might be the Grand Admiral, but I'm there on the frontlines with you, guys). High Admiral Nysie holds an honorary rank for designing my logo; and ViceAdmiral Snakebyte is not among my regular readers lately. Keep at it, JD, you need ten more badges to make Captain.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO ARE THOSE GUYS? WHAT IS THIS, MOSAIC?"
TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 53.
CULPRIT: Tyler Kirkham (penciller) and Nei Rufino (colorist)
DISSECTION: What? Bystanders on Korugar are colored like humans, some lighter, others darker, and it's not a trick of the light or anything, because in the same light as Kyle Rayner, many share his skin color. But that's not the worst thing... they're dressed, unequivocally, in Earth clothes: jackets, baseball caps, hoodies. People from Korugar have pink or red skin, and they certainly shouldn't be wearing normal Earth garments.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars, double. Also, Sinestro's ring is colored like his skin in a panel (that's where all the pink ink went!).
<-------------------------------->
"FUCKING FIRES, HOW DO THEY WORK?"
TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (DC).
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).
DISSECTION: Cosmic Boy goes to the Legion Academy, and while he's reviewing the students, a fire breaks out nearby and they are the closest ones to respond. They go to the scene, and one student that has variable powers (Variable Lad), in this case uses them to become super smart and learn what the best way of putting out the fire is: using the powers of another student who can control chemical reactions (Chemical Kid), because fire is an oxidation. Uhm... and they needed a super intelligent being to figure that out?
Regardless of him being a student and not a battle-hardened Legionnaire, a guy whose powers are to control chemical reactions should think of that first, particularly in the 30th century, with the kind of education they have, plus any further education someone with chemical controlling powers should get on the subject. Controlling the oxidation should be a gut response from Chemical Kid, the same as Bataranging or punching a bank robber is Batman's!
Not to mention the fact that there's two veteran Legionnaires there (Cosmic Boy and Duplicate Girl), and a handful of other students, most of whom should have a pretty advanced science education when compared to today's teenagers or young adults. Anyone today with a barely decent education should know that a fire is a chemical reaction.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, there a couple of smaller accented letters, missing powers on Timber Wolf's description, and Gravity Kid (complete with a skin-showing costume a la Cosmic Boy at one point, but not that revealing, as he has pants) becomes super-heavy and uses "his mass" to create a firebreak (a crater, actually)... when it should be his weight. In the election "ad", Tenzil Kem's eyes are colored incorrectly. Still, despite some dissections, this book remains a great read.
<-------------------------------->
"OLD SCHOOL."
TITLE: The Nitpicker (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer without a moustache).
DISSECTION: Yup... the first column. I re-read it for this anniversary, and noticed I billed Jeromy Cox as "Jeremy". Good thing I didn't spell his last "Cocks".
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FREE DOESN'T HAVE TO MEAN CHEAP."
TITLE: Spider-Man Saga V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: One Shot.
CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen (handbook section overseer).
DISSECTION: The credits on one of the Kraven family profiles say "Art by Barry Kitson with Phillipe Briones (inset)", but there is no inset picture in the entry. Sidney spotted this one, and he gets a badge.
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECT/THIS!"
TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).
ISSUE: 77.
CULPRIT: Joshua Williamson (writer).
DISSECTION: What's wrong here? You must be up with current (six months to a year) comics for this one.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
So, an average of 6.1 Bazzars in thirty-two dissections. Cover Of The Week is Jim Lee's variant for Legion Of Super-Heroes #6:
Great "Brainy as the Thinker" cover. Simple, yet effective. Now, Moments Of The Week... first up, from an old issue of Knights Of The Dinner table, what happens when you trick players at a convention into joining a live action game of D-Day?
In the KODTverse, that... Next, curious as to why the Legion's newest "recruit" has been behaving heroically?
Uh-oh... this CAN'T backfire... Back to the present, the Insider is impressed that Oracle seems to know who he is:
YOU'RE WEARING A YELLOW UTILITY BELT! YOU HAVE A SUIT THAT GIVES YOU THE POWERS OF CLASSIC JUSTICE LEAGUE MEMBERS! YOUR GLOVES HAVE BATMAN SPIKES!!! AND SHE'S THE FOREMOST EXPERT IN INFORMATION IN THE SUPERHERO COMMUNITY!!! STOP TREATING THIS INSIDER SHIT AS MYSTERIOUS, IT'S OBVIOUS TO ALL HIS FUCKING ALLIES (AND ANYONE WHO CAN ADD 2+2) THAT THAT'S BATMAN!!!!!
*sigh* What's next? Oh, I know, the solution to all problems:
LASERS! And for the end, another KODT moment:
I don't know, I've played with some people I'm not sure what step of the evolutionary ladder they were on... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
Friday, September 10, 2010
The Dissector #176.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"I've run more tests than you own flimsy outfits, Miss Frost." Doctor Nemesis, X-Men-Curse Of The Mutants: Smoke And Blood.
Well, I'm back on schedule; although a lot of my books for 09/01 haven't arrived yet (and books this week came out on Thursday, not Wednesday, so that might cause a bit more of delay as well). Let's get straight to business, let me tell you that Commander JohnnyDoe of the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps noticed that the school bus in the picture was extraordinarily long, and the size of the kids' heads was the same as the vehicle's wheels.
The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was Iron Man Legacy... WINO TONY ADVENTURES!!! That's what Fred Van Lente calls the book, and it's a good read every week. Marvel's doing well at offering "between the raindrops" in-continuity, retro, yet not retcon tales of Iron Man. It already offers re-telling of old sagas (Spider-Man & The Secret Wars), other in continuity books that happen "before" current events (like the Astonishing ones), and even completely separate continuities (Ultimate, Marvel Adventures, etc). This book, however, is my favorite of those, because you know I'm a continuity junkie.
Worst Book Of The Week was United Free Worlds #7, published by Fantasy pr0n... err... Fantasy Prone. Beautiful digital paintings on the cover and in the first pages make you think this is going to be, at least, a visually fulfilling book; yet the actual story is drawn very amateurishly, in a horrible version of a 90s Image book, and the dialogue is not any better. Of course, I should have seen the blurb
The Rundown: Avengers: The Children's Crusade (inconsistent credit lettering), Buffy The Vampire Slayer (accented letter), Captain America: Forever Allies (Black Widow's eyes miscolored), G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (word missing in a sentence), JSA All-Stars (Czek language wrong), Secret Six V3 (Deadshot's hair should be black, not brown), Shadowland: Elektra (Elektra's eyes on the cover should be blue, not brown), Taskmaster V2 ("USAgent).
<-------------------------------->
"DENIZENS OF UNDEAD CITY."
TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).
ISSUE: 48.
CULPRIT: Kevin VanHook (writer).
DISSECTION: What does Kevin VanHook have on DC editors? Because the crap he writes is just awful... What is "denizens of the undead" supposed to be? Not only he is a poor writer, he also doesn't know what the word denizen means.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"RANDI CONFIDENTIAL."
TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).
ISSUE: 48.
CULPRIT: Kevin VanHook (writer).
DISSECTION: First Batman doesn't believe in the supernatural. Then it's Superman, and I believe Green Arrow didn't believe in it in the miniseries that preceded this arc (the in-a-stroke-of-genius-titled "Superman/Batman Vs. Vampires And Werewolves"). And now? Liv, the girl who, knowingly, IS THE GIRLFRIEND OF A VAMPIRE AND HAS BEEN TURNED INTO ONE NOW!!!!!
Really VanHook, you weren't happy ignoring decades of stories starring Batman and Superman, you had to ignore your own work? Within the same story?
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SPIRITUAL? YOU'VE GOT THE RANN PEOPLE, PAL."
TITLE: Guy Gardner: Collateral Damage (DC).
ISSUE: 02 of 02.
CULPRIT: Howard Chaykin (writer).
DISSECTION: Chaykin refers to the Rannians as "nature worshipers, with deeply held personal feelings about faith". Uh? What? They've always been portrayed (until the recent Lady Styx worshipping) as very science/reason based people.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Oh, right, this is old, from December, 2006, and I put it in to fill the quota of ten featured dissections for the column.
<-------------------------------->
"I, DISSECTION."
TITLE: I, Zombie (DC/Vertigo).
ISSUE: 05.
CULPRIT: Laura Allred (colorist).
DISSECTION: Supernatural (if you believe in that stuff) DT!
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SUB-BOLT."
TITLE: Iron Man Legacy (Marvel).
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Fred Van Lente (writer).
DISSECTION: WINO TONY ADVENTURES!!! I never tire of that one... Namor says Black Bolt communicates in sub vocal whispers, and while sub vocal speech might or might not produce sound; Black Bolt has always been shown to not speak, and make himself understood by body language. SOMEONE GET THE GUY A VOICE SYNTHETIZER!!! Geez...
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Stephen Strange and Reed Richards get their eyes colored incorrectly, also.
<-------------------------------->
"IN COMMUNIST RUSSIA..."
TITLE: Origins Of Marvel Comics: X-Men (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: James Asmus (writer).
DISSECTION: Colossus is, according to Marvel's current timeline, what, 25 years old? Does that sound right? Peter Parker has been Spidey for 10-12 years, according to Quesada, making him 25-27... he's supposed to be around the same age as Cyclops, Angel and Jean Grey (since Beast is supposed to be older, and Iceman younger, among the original X-Men). Colossus has usually been shown as slightly younger than them (or perhaps that's my impression), and as considerably older than Kitty. Their age difference was somewhere around Kitty being 14 and him being 19 when she was first introduced.
Bear with me, because this is important (to me, not that much for the dissection). She's been shown to have worked as a bartender in Chicago, where the minimum age for such a job is 18. Say that she was 19 then, and that a year has passed since then, she's 20. That would make Colossus 25, so the writer of this origin saying that he began his life "working in his family farm in Communist Russia" is not entirely wrong. That implies this was before 1991, making Piotr start work in the collective farm, known in Russian as "kolkhoz" (or perhaps a completely state-run "sovkhoz"), at what, age 3-4 with menial labor around the house?
We're all good there; he did work under a communist regime; but that phrase is a poor choice, as it implies this is the 1980s Colossus whose family lived in the still-existent USSR. We can let that one slide, as it is a stylistic choice... but what bothered me is the use of the expression "communist Russia". Yes, this WAS Russia, and yes, it was communist... but it's still a misnomer... it's the USSR or Soviet Union... calling it "communist Russia" is "merrikan speak", and a completely non-neutral wording for something that's not being said by a character.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Am I being nitpicky? Hell yeah I am... There are also several mistakes in this and other profiles, writing, pencilling, and coloring. The worst one, at 8 Bazzars, is showing Cable as a baby (five or six months old, with no hair, etc) first infected with the technovirus and taken to the future, instead of a 10-12 months infant with hair, etc, as he was at the time.
<-------------------------------->
"PROBLEM IS BETWEEN KEYBOARD AND CHAIR."
TITLE: R.E.B.E.L.S. (DC).
ISSUE: 20.
CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer).
DISSECTION: Brainiac, cybernetic terror of the galaxy, plugged into Colu's central datacore... needs to use a keyboard to input a password? What?
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH, IT'S OKAY, PEOPLE HERE ARE ALWAYS UNARMED!"
TITLE: Red Hood: The Lost Days (DC).
ISSUE: 04 of 06.
CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).
DISSECTION: Why does Jason Todd assume that British criminals won't be carrying weapons? Judd, you're thinking of most cops within the UK, but why wouldn't the criminals be armed, particularly when they're planning bombings?
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Tim Drake's costume in a picture Talia show's him is wrong, also.
<-------------------------------->
"UNITED WRONG FLAGS."
TITLE: United Free Worlds (Fantasy Prone).
ISSUE: 07.
CULPRIT: Patrick Blaine (penciller) and Hi-Fi Design (colorist).
DISSECTION: Not only the comic is crap, but the flags outside the UN headquarters are mostly made up.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YEAH, SHOWS WHAT YOU KNOW THE CHARACTER REALLY WELL."
TITLE: X-Men-Curse Of The Mutants: Smoke And Blood (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Simon Spurrier (writer).
DISSECTION: This book was lucky I read United Free Worlds, because it would have been Worst Book Of The Week instead. Granted, it wasn't as full of errors, just the one (and not grave scientific errors, like Spurrier's previous X-Club book), but the dialogue and characterization is very, very weak. My problem here is Emma Frost referring to herself as not scientifically minded. Yes, she could be saying that to emphasize her next statement (that she is in charge "minded"), but not only is she very scientifically adept (at least, technologically wise, if not theoretically), but she's also arrogant enough to be prone to rub that in Dr. Nemesis' nose.
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. As awful as Spurrier's writing has been in the X-Men (only stuff of his I've read), I'm inclined to believe he just doesn't know that Emma is not a scientific idiot.
<-------------------------------->
Bit lower than the usual, at a 6.1 Bazzars average in thirty-three (MASONIC ALERT!) dissections. Cover Of The Week is from R.E.B.E.L.S.:
David Finch really channeled Simon Bisley there! The first Moment Of The Week is actually from an older book, a back issue of KODT, but I just got a pile of issues I hadn't read:
D-Day live action roleplaying with soldiers singing Pink? I laughed... Next, Gorilla-Man channels Joey Tribbiani:
Is he coming onto the silverback? Next, Colossus shows us why he really is colossal:
Uhm... is that organic steel? And last, the return (sort of) The Pride:
It's from Iron Man Legacy, so it's in the past, but it's cool to see them. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"I've run more tests than you own flimsy outfits, Miss Frost." Doctor Nemesis, X-Men-Curse Of The Mutants: Smoke And Blood.
Well, I'm back on schedule; although a lot of my books for 09/01 haven't arrived yet (and books this week came out on Thursday, not Wednesday, so that might cause a bit more of delay as well). Let's get straight to business, let me tell you that Commander JohnnyDoe of the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps noticed that the school bus in the picture was extraordinarily long, and the size of the kids' heads was the same as the vehicle's wheels.
The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was Iron Man Legacy... WINO TONY ADVENTURES!!! That's what Fred Van Lente calls the book, and it's a good read every week. Marvel's doing well at offering "between the raindrops" in-continuity, retro, yet not retcon tales of Iron Man. It already offers re-telling of old sagas (Spider-Man & The Secret Wars), other in continuity books that happen "before" current events (like the Astonishing ones), and even completely separate continuities (Ultimate, Marvel Adventures, etc). This book, however, is my favorite of those, because you know I'm a continuity junkie.
Worst Book Of The Week was United Free Worlds #7, published by Fantasy pr0n... err... Fantasy Prone. Beautiful digital paintings on the cover and in the first pages make you think this is going to be, at least, a visually fulfilling book; yet the actual story is drawn very amateurishly, in a horrible version of a 90s Image book, and the dialogue is not any better. Of course, I should have seen the blurb
The Rundown: Avengers: The Children's Crusade (inconsistent credit lettering), Buffy The Vampire Slayer (accented letter), Captain America: Forever Allies (Black Widow's eyes miscolored), G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (word missing in a sentence), JSA All-Stars (Czek language wrong), Secret Six V3 (Deadshot's hair should be black, not brown), Shadowland: Elektra (Elektra's eyes on the cover should be blue, not brown), Taskmaster V2 ("USAgent).
<-------------------------------->
"DENIZENS OF UNDEAD CITY."
TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).
ISSUE: 48.
CULPRIT: Kevin VanHook (writer).
DISSECTION: What does Kevin VanHook have on DC editors? Because the crap he writes is just awful... What is "denizens of the undead" supposed to be? Not only he is a poor writer, he also doesn't know what the word denizen means.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"RANDI CONFIDENTIAL."
TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).
ISSUE: 48.
CULPRIT: Kevin VanHook (writer).
DISSECTION: First Batman doesn't believe in the supernatural. Then it's Superman, and I believe Green Arrow didn't believe in it in the miniseries that preceded this arc (the in-a-stroke-of-genius-titled "Superman/Batman Vs. Vampires And Werewolves"). And now? Liv, the girl who, knowingly, IS THE GIRLFRIEND OF A VAMPIRE AND HAS BEEN TURNED INTO ONE NOW!!!!!
Really VanHook, you weren't happy ignoring decades of stories starring Batman and Superman, you had to ignore your own work? Within the same story?
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SPIRITUAL? YOU'VE GOT THE RANN PEOPLE, PAL."
TITLE: Guy Gardner: Collateral Damage (DC).
ISSUE: 02 of 02.
CULPRIT: Howard Chaykin (writer).
DISSECTION: Chaykin refers to the Rannians as "nature worshipers, with deeply held personal feelings about faith". Uh? What? They've always been portrayed (until the recent Lady Styx worshipping) as very science/reason based people.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Oh, right, this is old, from December, 2006, and I put it in to fill the quota of ten featured dissections for the column.
<-------------------------------->
"I, DISSECTION."
TITLE: I, Zombie (DC/Vertigo).
ISSUE: 05.
CULPRIT: Laura Allred (colorist).
DISSECTION: Supernatural (if you believe in that stuff) DT!
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SUB-BOLT."
TITLE: Iron Man Legacy (Marvel).
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Fred Van Lente (writer).
DISSECTION: WINO TONY ADVENTURES!!! I never tire of that one... Namor says Black Bolt communicates in sub vocal whispers, and while sub vocal speech might or might not produce sound; Black Bolt has always been shown to not speak, and make himself understood by body language. SOMEONE GET THE GUY A VOICE SYNTHETIZER!!! Geez...
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Stephen Strange and Reed Richards get their eyes colored incorrectly, also.
<-------------------------------->
"IN COMMUNIST RUSSIA..."
TITLE: Origins Of Marvel Comics: X-Men (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: James Asmus (writer).
DISSECTION: Colossus is, according to Marvel's current timeline, what, 25 years old? Does that sound right? Peter Parker has been Spidey for 10-12 years, according to Quesada, making him 25-27... he's supposed to be around the same age as Cyclops, Angel and Jean Grey (since Beast is supposed to be older, and Iceman younger, among the original X-Men). Colossus has usually been shown as slightly younger than them (or perhaps that's my impression), and as considerably older than Kitty. Their age difference was somewhere around Kitty being 14 and him being 19 when she was first introduced.
Bear with me, because this is important (to me, not that much for the dissection). She's been shown to have worked as a bartender in Chicago, where the minimum age for such a job is 18. Say that she was 19 then, and that a year has passed since then, she's 20. That would make Colossus 25, so the writer of this origin saying that he began his life "working in his family farm in Communist Russia" is not entirely wrong. That implies this was before 1991, making Piotr start work in the collective farm, known in Russian as "kolkhoz" (or perhaps a completely state-run "sovkhoz"), at what, age 3-4 with menial labor around the house?
We're all good there; he did work under a communist regime; but that phrase is a poor choice, as it implies this is the 1980s Colossus whose family lived in the still-existent USSR. We can let that one slide, as it is a stylistic choice... but what bothered me is the use of the expression "communist Russia". Yes, this WAS Russia, and yes, it was communist... but it's still a misnomer... it's the USSR or Soviet Union... calling it "communist Russia" is "merrikan speak", and a completely non-neutral wording for something that's not being said by a character.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Am I being nitpicky? Hell yeah I am... There are also several mistakes in this and other profiles, writing, pencilling, and coloring. The worst one, at 8 Bazzars, is showing Cable as a baby (five or six months old, with no hair, etc) first infected with the technovirus and taken to the future, instead of a 10-12 months infant with hair, etc, as he was at the time.
<-------------------------------->
"PROBLEM IS BETWEEN KEYBOARD AND CHAIR."
TITLE: R.E.B.E.L.S. (DC).
ISSUE: 20.
CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer).
DISSECTION: Brainiac, cybernetic terror of the galaxy, plugged into Colu's central datacore... needs to use a keyboard to input a password? What?
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH, IT'S OKAY, PEOPLE HERE ARE ALWAYS UNARMED!"
TITLE: Red Hood: The Lost Days (DC).
ISSUE: 04 of 06.
CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).
DISSECTION: Why does Jason Todd assume that British criminals won't be carrying weapons? Judd, you're thinking of most cops within the UK, but why wouldn't the criminals be armed, particularly when they're planning bombings?
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Tim Drake's costume in a picture Talia show's him is wrong, also.
<-------------------------------->
"UNITED WRONG FLAGS."
TITLE: United Free Worlds (Fantasy Prone).
ISSUE: 07.
CULPRIT: Patrick Blaine (penciller) and Hi-Fi Design (colorist).
DISSECTION: Not only the comic is crap, but the flags outside the UN headquarters are mostly made up.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YEAH, SHOWS WHAT YOU KNOW THE CHARACTER REALLY WELL."
TITLE: X-Men-Curse Of The Mutants: Smoke And Blood (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Simon Spurrier (writer).
DISSECTION: This book was lucky I read United Free Worlds, because it would have been Worst Book Of The Week instead. Granted, it wasn't as full of errors, just the one (and not grave scientific errors, like Spurrier's previous X-Club book), but the dialogue and characterization is very, very weak. My problem here is Emma Frost referring to herself as not scientifically minded. Yes, she could be saying that to emphasize her next statement (that she is in charge "minded"), but not only is she very scientifically adept (at least, technologically wise, if not theoretically), but she's also arrogant enough to be prone to rub that in Dr. Nemesis' nose.
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. As awful as Spurrier's writing has been in the X-Men (only stuff of his I've read), I'm inclined to believe he just doesn't know that Emma is not a scientific idiot.
<-------------------------------->
Bit lower than the usual, at a 6.1 Bazzars average in thirty-three (MASONIC ALERT!) dissections. Cover Of The Week is from R.E.B.E.L.S.:
David Finch really channeled Simon Bisley there! The first Moment Of The Week is actually from an older book, a back issue of KODT, but I just got a pile of issues I hadn't read:
D-Day live action roleplaying with soldiers singing Pink? I laughed... Next, Gorilla-Man channels Joey Tribbiani:
Is he coming onto the silverback? Next, Colossus shows us why he really is colossal:
Uhm... is that organic steel? And last, the return (sort of) The Pride:
It's from Iron Man Legacy, so it's in the past, but it's cool to see them. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)