Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Dissector #187.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Thirty-year-old rare Islay malt, and you chuck blocks of frozen water into it?" John Constantine, Hellblazer #273.

Now, this is called being up to date... of course, there's no guarantee that I'll get next column out in time; but anyway. This is the column for books released on 11/17. Last column's DT! wasn't cracked, but there wasn't enough time between columns I guess... wait, as I was getting ready to post this column, Donald313 did it. The problem was that Chameleon mentions committing treason, but he's a Russian citizen, which means he can't be charged with treason against the U.S., can he?

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week this time are: Best Book Of The Week is Hellboy: Double Feature Of Evil. If it wasn't for Corben's art (which is still spectacular), this would fit right in with the early Hellboy adventures. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy Hellboy, but it used to be lighter, even with all the horror and darkness... nowadays, it's become too embroiled in its own mythology, and I truly miss the "old days". Worst Book Of The Week was almost, almost, Superman #704; with its cheap shot story about domestic and child violence.. but at least that comic was passably written and drawn. No, this time it's Superman/Batman #78... first a story about "who would win" between the title characters, from the perspective of two kids; and then a very crappy angsty story about Power Girl (dealing with her already resolved "being from another universe" grief) and Huntress (rehashing her "boohoo my mafia family was killed by more mafia" sob story). This book is pointless, pull the plug on it already.

I don't have much to say about the Cover Of The Week except that it's from Darkwing Duck #6, it's by my fellow Uruguayan Diego Jourdan, and it's a homage to a great Batman cover of yesteryear. Not the first, but a good one.

The Rundown: The Authority: The Lost Year (Swift's ears are pointy again), The Avengers V4 (inconsistent credit lettering, Jarvis with a full head of hair and blond, Hawkeye doesn't know there's a red Hulk, inconsistent "next issue" lettering), Batman: The Return (Lucius Fox does not look like Morgan Freeman in the comics!), Brightest Day (accented letter), Ghost Projekt (weird dialogue), Green Lantern Corps V2 (several badges and other uniform errors), Hellblazer (the magic circle John left open last issue, the same one Gloria the succubus points to as open... is closed), I Am An Avenger (inconsistent credit lettering, Justice's current costume should expose his ears, an empathic link should not enable you to have a conversation or send images; only emotions), Justice League Of America V2 (Dick's bat emblem is wrong , Zatanna's eyes are colored purple instead of blue), Knights Of The Dinner Table (a dialogue that's pointing to Weird Pete is actually Gordo's), Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (two incomplete power listings, and why would Gates need help from Chameleon in adapting to high humidity environments?), Osborn ("preëminent"?), Superman/Batman (Luthor's costume on the cover is wrong, "Powergirl" instead of "Power Girl" at one point), Thunderbolts (Juggernaut's eyes are colored incorrectly).
<-------------------------------->
"ATMAN."

TITLE: Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 704.

CULPRIT: Jared K. Fletcher (letterer).

DISSECTION: Mister Sinister, new reader (or at least new poster, I don't remember him posting before) noticed that credits in this issue say "RITTEN" instead of "WRITTEN". Badge for you, Sinister, and welcome to the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Dick's chest emblem is wrong.
<-------------------------------->
"BLURRED DIALOGUES."

TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).

DISSECTION: This one bears showing:


Seems like Sal pastes the text from the script to work on the balloons and actual lettering... but in this case, he forgot to delete or hide that layer when turning in the completed pages. Once upon a time, I would have been amazed at something like this slipping by an editor, but I've been doing this column for five years now...

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. The first letter of a word is missing in another dialogue; and I'm going to blame that on Sal too this time, and Iris' eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"TIGHT PANTS."

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 59.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: I'm sorry, but I won't buy that Larfleeze can steal Barry Allen's wallet... if he keeps it on his person, it's probably stored with his clothes inside his ring; because there's no space in Barry's tights (where he pats his leg after noticing Larfleeze has the wallet)...

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Hal Jordan's badge is wrong on the cover and inside.
<-------------------------------->
"FIRST ISSUE EVER... AGAIN!"

TITLE: Spider-Girl V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Stephen Wacker (senior editor), Nate Cosby (editor), Tom Brennan (associate editor), and Mike Horwitz (assistant editor).

DISSECTION: Cover for this first issue says it's the "most synapse-shattering super hero debut of the decade". Really? Can someone explain to me how that's possible? Araña has been around since 2004; and she changed costume and name months ago, jumping around other books with it since then... This is not a debut in any way... at least not a "super hero debut". It might be a "solo series debut" (which would be partially correct), but not what they say...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ESPAIDERGIR."

TITLE: Spider-Girl V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Paul Tobin (writer).

DISSECTION: Let's go over this again... Anya's original codename was "Araña"... "ARAÑA"... NOT "ARANA"!!! CAN WE FUCKING REMEMBER THAT IN HER OWN FUCKING BOOK FOR FUCK'S SAKE?!!?!!?!?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Yes, any problem with that?
<-------------------------------->
"MAIDEN OF STEEL DISSECTED."

TITLE: Supergirl V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 58.

CULPRIT: Wil Moss (assistant editor) and/or Matt Idelson (editor)

DISSECTION: Check this one out:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, there's no way Lois Lane is going to be admitted into Star Labs while wearing a scarf covering most of her face (Muslim-style). I can see Gangbuster letting her in like that, but when she meets him, she's already inside.
<-------------------------------->
"COLOR FACTOR."

TITLE: X-Factor V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 211.

CULPRIT: Matt Milla (colorist).

DISSECTION: It's not Jeromy Cox, but what's up with this book? First Layla's eyes are blue, then green (the right color). Then, Madrox's eyes start out brown, as they should be, then change to green, then to brown again.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
This time the average was 6.1 Bazzars in forty-three dissections... I thought it'd be a bit higher. Moments Of The Week! Modern day Justice sees his past self and is distraught by what he wore (pictured right)... oh, right, because what you wear now (pictured left) is sooo much better!!!


Then, from Green Lantern Corps and Batman, two unfortunate sound effects:


And from Tiny Titans, why the hell is Jor-El in league with Zod and his cronies?


Creepy! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

8 comments:

Donald313 said...

What do you mean a robot killed Adam Grant? Really?
Okay, just checked it out surfing, seems to be the retcon of the day. Sigh. And here I thought I could crack the DT in record-time.

But I think Toym... the robot (ugh) just stabbed him, not cut his throat. Can´t check right now, but that would be my guess.

MaGnUs said...

Hint: It's good to actually check who I credit the DT! to.

Dante said...

Flash Fact: Hide your wallet in your ass (?)

Donald313 said...

That´s usually the first thing I check before even looking at the pic. It´s why I was shooting for the info about the death. What else could the editor be responsible for? Superman 84 is the correct issue, everything else should be a writer´s or artist´s dissection.
Hmm... Supie had long hair back then, just about everything from the cover recreation looks right to me. You don´t begrudge that Lois talks about children when it was orphan´s? Same difference.

Last shot before going offline to work a little: In the caption box there is no clever sign-off by the editor à la "See Superman #84, stabbed Matt Idelson". No? Didn´t think so.

Bye for now, will check back later.

Donald313 said...

Aagh, stupid apostroph. I meant "orphans", sorry.

MaGnUs said...

Dante: Shitty hide hole.

Donald: Nope.

Donald313 said...

It should be "See Superman (Vol. 2) #84". Superman #84 is decades old.

MaGnUs said...

Dude, you finally got it. Being as to how Superman's currently back to V1; they should have mentioned it was V2 they were referring.