Monday, November 22, 2010

The Dissector #186.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. Jarvis is an Avenger. He is as much an Avenger as any of us." Steve Rogers, Avengers Assemble, The Oral History Of Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Chapter 12, The New Avengers V2 #6.

Still playing that game of "ketchup", here's the column for books released on 11/10. Last column's DT! was cracked by JohnnyDoe, who spotted that Bucky's Tommy gun ammo drum is in a ridiculous angle regarding the rest of the gun. Badge for you, Johnny.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week... Best Book Of The Week was Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art Of Science #1. Not only do we get to see "teenage" Robo having adventures with a mystery man of his universe (in what's probably the late 20s or early 30s), but we see some of his father/son dynamic with Tesla himself. You all know how much I love this book. Worst Book Of The Week was Batman: The Return Of Bruce Wayne #6, last issue of this poor miniseries. Not only Grant Morrison's plot makes no sense, mistaking chaotic storytelling for innovation, but they couldn't even have one artist do all the pages (much like the previous issue). On top of that, the release timing is bad, because it comes out after all the (also horrible) "Road Home" one-shots with the "Insider" crap...

Cover Of The Week is from Dungeons & Dragons #1 (by IDW); with art by Tyler Walpole and production work by someone uncredited, to make it look like an old school gaming module. Yeah, I admit it, I liked this because of a novelty issue; the actual cover art isn't that wonderful... but the effect they were looking for was achieved. Not only that, but the feel of the actual issue is that of a tabletop game (regardless of the fact that I do not like the D&D 4E rule system), and the actual module is included in the issue. It might not be the best cover art ever, or the best comic book of the week... but it certainly is the best issue gimmick of the week.

The Rundown: Avengers: The Children’s Crusade (Doom's eyes are colored incorrectly twice, inconsistent credit lettering), Batgirl V3 (Oracle's eyes should be blue, not green), Batman: The Return Of Bruce Wayne (Hal Jordan's badge is wrong, it should be "déjà vu" and not "dejà vu"), Birds Of Prey V3 (weird dialogue at one point), Dungeons & Dragons (the fantastic metal is "adamantine" or, more commonly in RPGs, "adamantite", not "adamanite"), G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (wrongly sized Cyrillic letters in the art), Invaders Now! (accented letters, Namor's eyes should be grey), Knights Of The Dinner Table ("Hat Of Opulent Lodging" becomes "Hat Of Opulant Loding"), New Mutants Forever (NOVA ROMA IS NOT IN THE FUCKING ANDES, CHRIS!!! YOU CREATED IT AND PLACED IT IN THE AMAZON JUNGLE!!!), R.E.B.E.L.S. (Psion computer monitor with English text), Shadowland: Daughters Of The Shadow (Misty Knight, a black woman, gets her eyes colored blue, and then green; none of those colors are correct for her eyes), Titans V2 (Batman's gloves are wrong, Ray Palmer is not blond and brown-eyed, Tattooed Man is Mark Richards, not "Richard"), X-Men Forever 2 (Genosha, even at the height of its power, could never be considered on par with the US; Lockheed's fangs shouldn't be that large).
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"BIG TIME DISSECTION."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 648.

CULPRIT: Dan Slott (writer).

DISSECTION: Check this one out:


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Reed Richard's eyes are colored incorrectly on the cover, Michele Gonzales' eyes and skin are wrong too, "skeletal crew" is used instead of "skeleton crew", and Captain America's boots are colored red when they should be black.
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"BEAUTIFUL WORLD."

TITLE: The Avengers Prime (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 05.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: Why would Thor refer to Jotunheim, land of his people's mortal enemies, as "that beautiful realm"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"OBJECTION!"

TITLE: Captain America V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 346.

CULPRIT: Mark Gruenwald (writer).

DISSECTION: An older one to pad out the column... Louis Hamilton, aka Stonewall is playing a lawyer in a mock trial for Quicksilver, and acts like a lumbering idiot, quoting "L.A. Law" for example... but the character is actually lawyer, something the late Gruenwald didn't bother to check.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"VOLUME, VOLUME."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: Various.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I've referred to the current Captain America book as volume 1; but it's actually (technically) volume 2. I count volume numbers based on numbering; thus, books that have gone back to their previous numbering (like Captain America, Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, Superman, etc) count as "V1". In this case, the current Cap Book continues numbering from the Captain America book that picked up numbering from Tales Of Suspense (as Thor did with Journey Into Mystery, for example).

The original book was Captain America Comics, published starting in 1941 by Timely/Atlas (and then Complete Photo Story, and Marjean Magazine), running up to issue 75 (that issue and the previous one were actually cover titled Captain America's Weird Tales). In 1954, however, Atlas published issues 76 through 78 of "Captain America", continuing the previous' book numbering, and portraying the "Commie Smasher" Captain America that was later retconned into being the crazy "Steve Roger" guy. Atlas, Timely, etc, are all effectively considered Marvel, and in any case, with Captain America I'd consider volumes from other companies as I've done with characters like Blue Beetle. So, to sum up, the current Captain America series is V2, if only because of the three 50s issues.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"GALACTIC CIVIL RIGHTs."

TITLE: Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (DC).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: Guy Gardner and other lanterns break into a torture (sorry, interrogation) chamber in Daxam to confront Sodam Yat's father (who's doing the interrogating), and he threatens them that he's going to submit a "GOTG-22" and "have" Guy's ring. What? The Guardians do not subject the Green Lantern Corps to complaints and overseeing by the worlds they patrol and protect; in fact, that's been a major plot point in books like L.E.G.I.O.N., R.E.B.E.L.S., Darkstars, etc, etc.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, GL badges on Kilowog and Guy Gardner are wrong, and Guy's is positioned too low on his jacket.
<-------------------------------->
This time we returned to an average within the usual parameters, 6.4 Bazzars in thirty seven dissections. Moments Of The Week! First up, a prepared nerd is a surviving nerd:


SHAZAM! Next, some D&D characters have their priorities straight:


That sounds like something out of the mouth of some players I know... Still within D&D, you've got to have cooperation from the local law:


That's helpful! And last, don't sass Tesla!


Nine crackers. Precisely nine. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

16 comments:

JohnnyDoe said...

The DT!: treason isn't punished by hanging since 1965 (was replaced by a life-sentence) and was abolished in 1998 for capital offences of treason and piracy.

So in short: no death sentence for treason anymore in the US.

MaGnUs said...

No, it's not exaclty that. And death penalty is still a possible treason punishment in the US.

JohnnyDoe said...

Another try then: treason is an act of betraying a sovereign or nation. What Chameleon is doing is impersonating someone to steal from the US nation. A serous offense but not treason (unless they turn it over to a foreign power so they can start a war or overthrow the government).

MaGnUs said...

Keep trying. :)

Francisco Sampedro said...

Oh yeah, i remember thoes orphan's, it was a funny game seasson after all.

MaGnUs said...

Oh, you played that one too? :)

Darryn said...

Looks to me like Steve's shoulder badge is a SHIELD Eagle, not his white star.

And for a second stab, it looks vaguely like Chameleon's fingertips are exposed, which means his fingerprints would expose him as not-Steve.

Not confident on either guess, though

Anonymous said...

In that ASM issue, Chameleon/Steve Rogers tells an Air Force guy "Semper Paratus". Ain't no way an Air Force guy is going to know what he's talking about since Semper paratus is the COAST GUARD'S motto.

And I don't remember what book it is, only that it's DC and may be one of the bat ilk, where the marquee gives credit to the writer as "Riter". No joke.

-Mister Sinister

MaGnUs said...

Darryn: It's a star, very schematic, but it's a star. And while his fingers are exposed, Chameleon is a master of disguise, so he'd think of that.

Mr. Sinister: New reader? Welcome to the fold! I found that motto weird too, but I did some research, and "Semper Paratus" is the motto of a certain Air Force unit... so this guy could belong to that unit, possibly.

And I just found that Batman book, it's Batman #704, it says "RITTEN". :)

MaGnUs said...

Also, guys, the treason angle is the one you have to keep exploring...

Donald313 said...

Treason? I also thought that was something along the lines of betraying the fatherland. Nick Fury could commit treason if he put the Chameleon in place, but if the Chameleon only impersonates him, that is not treason, as he (C.) is not in the position to commit that crime in the first place.

I have no idea what the correct term for C.´s offense is. Fraud?

Anyway, regarding the Rundown, please tell me you won´t start listing KoDT spelling mistakes. That would by a neverending job, I´m afraid. I never roleplayed in my life and I love the Knights anyway, but spelling never was all that great in that book. Better leave that can of worms closed.

MaGnUs said...

Donald, my man!!! You just cracked it when I was just about (as you'll see) to publish the next column! Chameleon's Russian, so he can't commit treason against the US!

And no, I won't start running KODT's typos (Jolly's dyslexic, and the "typo slayer", for all her great disposition, doesn't seem to actually read the strips themselves); but some errors I will run, like this one, and a lettering one in the column I'm about to post.

You've never roleplayed? You totally should try it, man.

Donald313 said...

Okay, I just found something else.
In the "Objection" dissection you mention Stonewall to be lawyer, when he is A lawyer.

Now I´ll wait for the next column because (almost) nothing escapes...

Donald313!

Nope, doesn´t sound cool. Yours works, mine doesn´t. Mostly because I miss lots of things :)

And sadly I don´t have time to roleplay. Comics and Donaldism take up most of my sparetime, so no time (and no opportunities) to roleplay regularly. Might be interesting, but you have to do it continually like the Knights do to really enjoy it. Wouldn´t want to do it half-assed.

MaGnUs said...

Yup, I missed an "a". And what the heck is "Donaldism"? :)

Donald313 said...

You really want to know about Donaldism, huh?

Okay, you got mail.

Donald313 said...

Damn, one minute too soon. I got to shoot for 3:13 pm