The Dissector #190.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"When I dedicated my life in service to you as Sorcerer Supreme... I remember I closed my eyes and I prayed that one day I would grow up to be a second-rate Jarvis for a second-rate pile of Avengers." Wong, New Avengers V2 #7.

Late, late, late... I know; but here we are with one of the last columns of the year (there will be possibly one more, maximum two), and one of the last before the last comics of the year are published. These, in particular, were released on 12/08. Last column's DT was cracked by Donald313, who pointed out that Aquaman is not half-human, but half-Atlantean, half-Atlantean wizard/demigod. Reader Darryn asked Dan DiDio on Facebook, and DiDio vaguely replied "roll with it". That's not really a confirmation of a retcon to pre-Crisis Aquaman (which is stupid, and makes him more of a Namor knock off); just a FB comment... in last week's issue of Brightest Day, Aquaman mentions Tom Curry as his father; but he doesn't specifically say he's his biological father... until it's explicitly mentioned in a comic, I won't consider it valid. And when it is, I'm still not retracting, because it wasn't done properly beforehand. Yeah, it's my column. Oh, Badge for Donald!

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week weren't spectacularly bad or good... Best Book Of The Week was Booster Gold V2 #39; good read, nice art, but filler. Worst Book Of The Week was Stargate: Daniel Jackson #4, last issue of a mini that had very weak art, and a story that could have been told in a one-shot. And then there's the Cover Of The Week, a nice piece by Marko Djurdjevic for one of the many (unnecessary) Chaos War tie-ins.

The Rundown: B.P.R.D. V2 (series numbering), Booster Gold V2 (eye and hair colors), Chaos War: Ares ("banish this place"?), DC Universe Holiday Special 2010 (wonky phrasing in the Anthro story at one point, John Stewart couldn't have likely patrolled Baghdad, Batman is very well known and recognized as a hero and not a mysterious vigilante like its implied in the Superman story, Supes refers to all heroes as "metahumans", in the Spectre story a speech balloon is misplaced, and in the Legion story, Abnett and Lanning mention stargates, which are not in use in the current LSH continuity), Detective Comics (Dick Grayson's costume is all wrong, emblem, gloves, and belt; in the backup story, Renee's eyes are colored incorrectly), Invaders Now! (accented letter), Justice League: Generation Lost (Fire's hair is inexplicably red in a panel), Namor: The First Mutant (Namor's ankle wings are ginormous on the cover, his eyes are miscolored inside, and the logomancer is still Caucasian colored, with no comment from any character, when they keep reminding Namor, their king, that he's a half-breed), New Avengers V2 (inconsistent lettering on credits and coming attractions page, Victoria Hand's eyes are colored incorrectly, and Danielle Cage is too young and doesn't look like she should), Northlanders (accented letter, and "Commonweath"), R.E.B.E.L.S. (Soranik Natu, John Stewart, and Ganthet have blank eyes at points, John's badge is wrong on the cover, "alternativeto", "forece", Soranik and Kyle should have green boots, not white... and not a dissection, but if John is now a Honor Guard Lantern, who's 2814.2?), Red Robin ("unlimted"), Shadowland: After The Fall ("isn't the Black Panther some sort of African hero?" Come on!!! He was until very recently king of a prominent country, had a celebrity wedding, and has been an Avenger!), What If? Wolverine: Father (Daken's mother is gutted by Wolverine to extract the baby, but there's no sign of blood or anything on the woman's clothes), Widowmaker (shinobi-zu, not zue; accented letter, and what are the Supreme Soviets doing there, and talking about Siberian work camps without anyone commenting on that?).
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"DISSECTOR DISSECTED."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 189.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: JohnnyDoe pointed out that I spelled his name incorrectly as "JhonnyDoe" last week; and he also noticed I wrote "wich" instead of "which". Two badges for Johnny. Then Donald313 noticed I used "obviously" instead of "obvious", "not" instead of "note", and "reverses" instead of "reverse". Three badges more for Don, which are more than enough to make him achieve the rank of Captain in the HDSC! Glückwunschs, Kapitän!

DISSECT-O-METER: Various ratings.
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"IT'S BACK IN FASHION."

TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Really, the boomerang was popularized in the US when Barry Allen was first active as The Flash? Barry was active in the late 60s?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, why are guards in Iron Heights Penitentiary wearing full body riot armors... with no neck protection at all?
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"OHOTMU DISSECTION UPDATE."

TITLE: Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe A to Z: Update (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen & Mike O'Sullivan (coordinators, according to my reader).

DISSECTION: Sidney points out three errors in this issue:

* "De tainment quadrant" in the Beetle's Armor entry.

* "as wellas"in the Marvel Apes entry.

* In Boomerang's (Fred Myers) entry, he was referred to as "Mort" once instead of Myers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars on each of the spacing issues, 6 Bazzars on the name issue.
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"PROJECT: X-MAS."

TITLE: Project Superpowers X-Mas Carol (Dynamite).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Brandon Jerwa (writer) and/or Patrick Berkenkotter (penciller).

DISSECTION: Another dissection spotted by Sidney. The spirit of the Fighting Yank is talking about members of the Supremacy that are still at large, with symbolic pictures of them behind them. However, three of them, President West, Dynamic Man, and Dynamic Woman, quit the Supremacy and joined the heroes a while ago in the second volume of Project Superpowers. Then again, continuity has never been that good in the PS books.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"OLD ANNUAL DISSECTION."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual "#1" (2007).

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).

DISSECTION: Sometimes I don't understand the numbering changes... this volume of X-Men (the one that's now X-Men Legacy, but will eventually be combined with the current X-Men when they reach a significant numbering...) had three annuals (1992, 1993, and 1994), numbered one through three... then why number this one as #1? It'd make sense if it was a different volume (as the annuals from when Uncanny was merely X-Men), but it's the same volume...

Anyway, here's a DT!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"FOREVER WAVING FLAG."

TITLE: X-Men Forever 2 (Marvel)

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: Rodney Buchemi (penciller).

DISSECTION: At first I thought this was a MOT, because I thought the Uruguayan flag was among the member flags seen outside UN HQ (even though the blue is too light a shade)... but then I noticed that since the first stripe is blue; it can't be Uruguay's, which has as white for its first stripe. It might be the Greek flag, although the blue stripes should be darker too. The blue on Uruguay's flag is darker than the one on the Greek one, which in turn is a shade or two darker than the Argentinian flag; although due to the Uruguayan national football team's jersey being a light blue like the Argentinian flag has, people here insist on using a light blue shade for the flag sometimes...

Oh, sorry, that whole rant had nothing to do with the dissection... in which flags, including recognizable country ones (like Ireland, Spain or Germany) are flow in a random order by artist Buchemi, when flags outside the UN HQ are flown in English alphabetical order, north to south. Even with fictitious Marvel countries possibly there, anyone can tell it's wrong.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Angel is said to be a Chicago native, when he's from Centerport (Long Island, New York), and an accented letter is wrong.
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This leaves us with a predictably low 5.5 Bazzars average in fifty-seven dissections. Now, let's end this with the (just two) Moments Of The Week. First up, Booster tells Captain Atom how's it gonna be:


And as a finale, something that made me laugh:

That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #188.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"But it's World War Two! I want to beat up Nazis!" Booster Gold, protesting the unfairness of time travel, Booster Gold V2 #38.

This should be the column for comics released on 11/24; but I haven't received many of those books yet because of Thanksgiving, and I've read some past date, but recent books, recent enough to include them in this column instead of sending them to the Vault. I also didn't want to lag too much behind, to have this column run too late; since I have gotten, and read, most of my books for the first week of December.

Before going into the column proper, I want to remind you that the 2010 Autopsy Awards are coming up; and sometime within the first two weeks of January you'll have the nominees to vote for. But I want you to send me some suggestions for special awards. As you might now (and if you don't, you can read the first, second, and third editions of the awards), some awards are selected by reader votes from several nominations I select from the year's columns; such as Best Writing Dissection, Best Art Dissection, Best Quote, or Best Cover. Then there are awards that are given based solely on number of dissections, like Company With Most Dissections, Most Dissected Writer, or Single Issue With Most Dissections.

But there are also special awards, given for specific circumstances, for merit or lack of it. For example, I will probably select myself things like Breakout Book Of The Year, or Best Character Of The Year; but I will accept suggestions for awards that I might not think of myself; or even within categories used in previous years. For example, in the first awards, Cyclone (from the JSA) won an award for not having her costume depicted correctly in any of her appearances after her first one. That award has gone one to be called the "Cyclone Fashion Award To The Most Mutable Costume", and was won by Una in the second edition of the awards, and was expanded in the following edition to cover any character alteration, going to Norman Osborn's eyes, for changing contacts all the time (basically EVERY Marvel book during Secret Invasion and Dark Reign).

Then, within the same special awards, we have stuff like the "Creator That I'm Sorry I Have To Dissect Award", for people whose sheer volume of work makes it likely they slip up and I notice it, but they obviously very much care about their work, and on top of that, are nice people. Or the "Bloody Stumps With Blunt Crayolas Award", for underachievement in art; or the "Worst Character Depiction Although You Obviously Have Talent Award" for instances in which it's readily noticeable that an artist has a lot of talent, but (for example) decides to make Beast look like a humanoid goat, for example. And finally, there's the "Golden Bonesaw Award", for catastrophic underachievement, taken home in 2007 by Marvel for the many shapes of Beast, in 2008 by the Blue Beetle issue in Spanish, and in 2009 by IDW and their Zorro book for their year-long raping of the Spanish language. I will probably choose this one myself, but I welcome suggestions too. You can e-mail me at lordmagnusen (at) gmail (dot) com, or leave comments in upcoming columns.

Okay then, let's get on with the column itself, with last column's DT!. It was solved by Donald313; who noticed (after several tries) that the editor's note referred to "Superman #84", without specifying that it was Superman V2, not V1 (which was from 1953). Badge for Donald. I'll get the Dissector's Picks Of The Week out of the way quickly... Best Book Of The Week was The Amazing Spider-Man #649. While Humberto Ramos' art is not my favorite, it fits Spider-Man, and Dan Slott has a good handle on Peter and his cast. Worst Book Of The Week was Batman And Robin #17, with Paul Cornell's writing being a poor follow-up to what was Grant Morrison's best contribution to the current Batman books; and Scott McDaniel's blocky, cartoony art not being a good fit for the look this title had up to now. While I'm at it, check out the cover of the week; is from Avengers Vs. Pet Avengers #2, and by Ig Guara and (I believe colors are his) Chris Sotomayor. I love how Lockheed is all defiant and in Fing Fang Foom's face.

The Rundown: Action Comics (Scandal Savage's eyes are colored incorrectly), Angel (Connor's eyes should be blue, not green), Chaos War: Chaos King (Reed Richard's eyes shouldn't be blue), Chaos War: Dead Avengers (Deathcry refers to people as "hairy mammals", when she's been drawn very hairy, instead of "feathery", since she is a Shi'ar; Swordsman couldn't have been in Vietnam right after the war, two cedillas are the wrong size, and Swordsman's eyes change color), G.I. Combat V2 (accented letter), G.I. Joe: Future Noir Special (accented letter), Hercules: Twilight Of A God (Galactus' original name is "Galan", not "Galen"), Ides Of Blood ("he gods" instead of "the gods"), Jurassic Park (wrong Spanish, a word balloon is cut off, there's no way a normal person can knock someone out with a piece of amber thrown at the head, and Ludlow was Hammond's nephew, not his niece's husband), Our Army At War V2 ("solider" instead of "soldier"), Secret Avengers (a small cedilla), Shadowland: Power Man (small "ñ"), Taskmaster V2 (translated German inside brackets still in German, accented letters), Uncanny X-Force (Rachel Summer's hair in one photo is colored wrong, Psylocke's eyes are wrong), Welcome To Tranquility: One Foot In The Grave ("my" instead of "by"), X-Men: Phoenix Force Handbook ("Corps" instead of "Captain Britain Corps", and "Bran" Braddock).
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"BIG SECOND TIME DISSECTION."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 649.

CULPRIT: Dan Slott (writer).

DISSECTION: Come on, work on this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"LEGACY OF TIMELESNESS."

TITLE: DC Universe Legacies (DC).

ISSUE: 07 of 12.

CULPRIT: Len Wein (writer).

DISSECTION: Oh, so the guy who was alive in the 1940s is about 40 when Barbara Gordon was shot by the Joker? And when Superman fought Doomsday? And when Batman was broken by Bane? Yeah, sure.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, John Stewart's fully becoming Green Lantern and Bane breaking Batman were not at the same time; Bane did not break Batman in public; Jean-Paul Valley never wore a regular batman costume with his clawed, spike shooting gloves; and who in their sane mind would send two detectives to shoot at Doomsday when he's fighting Superman's in downtown Metropolis; after it was plain obvious that no conventional weapons affected him?
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"I CARRY A BADGE."

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 871.

CULPRIT: Scott Snyder (writer) and/or Francesco Francavilla (penciller).

DISSECTION: Commissioner Gordon has his badges on a "Father's Day" display Barbara gave him; and he has (last to first) his Commissioner badge, his Captain one, his Detective Lieutenant shield, all of those from Gotham, and then his Chicago Detective and Officer badges... but he should have a GCPD badge as his first one, because he started out as a cop in Gotham, and then was transferred to Chicago because he messed with Gotham's corrupt cops. In fact, recent stories have shown that to be still in continuity.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Maybe Babs didn't want to remind him of that first part of his career.
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"ACTUALLY DISSECTION."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 186.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Donald313 noticed I wrote "but the character is actually lawyer". Another badge for Don.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
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"99 PROBLEMS BUT A BURQUA AIN'T ONE."

TITLE: Justice League Of America/The 99 (DC/Teshkeel).

ISSUE: 02 of 06.

CULPRIT: Fabian Nicieza & Stuart Moore (writers).

DISSECTION: Why is Doctor Light complaining about feeling useless while the Atom, Flash, and two members of The 99 are performing a medical examination on another 99 member? She's a medical doctor, among many specialties, and one of the DCU's foremost experts in metahuman biology (along with Dr. Mid-Nite); she should be leading the procedure. It gets even more ridiculous when Barry Allen starts "performing incisions"... he's a scientist, but he's not a surgeon by any stretch.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, on the first issue, during the fight with the new Madmen, a giant cork appears out of nowhere...
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"JUSTICE IS GERMAN FOR GERECHTIGKEIT."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 45.

CULPRIT: Marc Guggenheim (writer).

DISSECTION: "Scythe" is not, and will never be "German for 'Drachen'"; for a couple of reasons. First, "scythe" is not a German word, the German word for "scythe" is "Sense". Second, "Drachen" is a word in German, it is the plural for "Drache", which means "dragon". What the heck was Guggenheim trying to say here?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"TO PERPETUATED."

TITLE: New Mutants V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Jake Thomas (assistant editor), Daniel Ketchum (associate editor), Nick Lowe (editor).

DISSECTION: The cover bills this as the conclusion to the current story arc, but there seems to be one issue more to go, and the issue ends with "to be continued". What the...?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, there's an accented letter that's too small.
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"ULTIMATE SUPER FUCK UP."

TITLE: Ultimate Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 150.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer), many others.

DISSECTION: So, they took up the numbering from the previous volume, that's good. This celebratory issue a long original story, or rather stories, as they were vignettes joined by an overarching topic, and it was a good read. Then there's the reprint of the 60-page Ultimate Spider-Man Super Special; from 2002.

While there are a couple of minor errors in the new stories; the real problem is with the reprint. It's pointless, and its pointlessness worsens the impact of the errors it contains. Now, this is from the early years of the Ultimate line, and some things are forgivable, such as the Black Widow being considered a hero (she didn't become a traitor until much later); or the more shocking fact that Reed Richards is shown to be a middle-aged man, and married to Sue; and an image of the classic, even Kirby-esque Fantastic Four. Yes, the Ultimate Fantastic Four weren't actually introduced until later (2004), so in the original context, this was forgivable, but it's blatantly ridiculous as a reprint. Still, I cannot count these details in a reprint (despite no note beyond a title in the credit page with the name indicating it's an old story) as dissections, it wouldn't be fair. But I do question the intelligence on reprinting something as part of a current continuity book (making up most of the issue, not just a small backup story), when it flies in the face of what was later established.

What I can do is focus on all the fuck ups that were committed in that special that were wrong at the moment it was published (and I wasn't doing the column). Elektra's sai shouldn't draw blood from Peter's hand gripping the shaft (SAI DO NOT HAVE EDGES OR POINTY-POINTS), Elektra's feet are clad in red booties, and in one panel one foot is flesh colored; the Thing is given brown eyes, one portrayal of Nick Fury shows his Ultimate version but another one shows him as the 616 white man; a dialogue says "haveto", and Gwen Stacy's eyes are colored incorrectly.

But the worse fuck ups are in the framing sequence for the special's story. A teacher (a white, elderly lady) tells Peter's class (which in that scene consists of like seven students) that they have to do an oral presentation choosing a superhero or a villain, telling something about themselves as that hero, etc, etc, etc. Before that, Peter struggles with his role as a hero, and after the assignment is given, he describes what defines heroes; and different artists draw each scene (hence the two different Nick Furies, or the two different depictions of the FF).

But before Peter gives his presentation; we go back to the school (now it looks like a regular-sized class) and we see Kong (one of Ultimate Peter's classmates) giving his own presentation about the Punisher... and he's criticized by Gwen for choosing Frank Castle, who's a homicidal maniac... something the teacher supports; saying that the Punisher is not a hero. Problem is, the assignment is given as "good or bad guy"; so Kong's selection was not wrong. Oh, and you know what the other problem is? THE TEACHER IS NOW A YOUNG BLACK WOMAN!!!!!!

I'm willing to give the change of teacher a low rating, first because both scenes are done by different artists and it's not their fault (but Bendis or the editor should have made sure there was a description of the teacher on both script pages), and because maybe, just maybe, the assignment could be received by a different teacher (substitutes, etc). Still, failing Kong on his presentation because he chose the Punisher is not an acceptable plot twist, because Bendis is writing the whole story himself, and even if the teacher is different and she misunderstood the original assignment, students in the classroom or Kong himself should have said so. You know what I call this? Sloppiness. They churned out a Special in 2002 to cash in, and reprinted the piece of crap in this book to make it thicker and charge more; when it adds absolutely nothing to the current storyline or the anniversary.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars for the writing error, various lower ratings for the rest.
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"FULL BRAIN MORONS."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 530.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: A virus is affecting mutants, and Dr. Kavita Rao says that those mutants with "full body physiognomies" are the ones who are suffering the worst. You probably meant "physiologies", Matt, as in "physiology", the science that studies the functioning of a living organism; and is commonly used to refer to the living organism as a system. "Physiognomy" means "the assessment of a person's character or personality from their outer appearance, especially the face". Quite different, isn't it?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"FLAMING."

TITLE: X-Men Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 242.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer) and/or Paul Davidson (penciller).

DISSECTION: Why the fuck does a baseball thrown by Anole become a flaming curveball? He doesn't have the strength for something like that, even if it made sense, and this is not a cartoony story...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, Psylocke's start out wrong and change color to the right one, while Magneto's alias is written "Eric Lensherr", when it should be "Erik Lehnsherr".
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Just 6.4 Bazzars as an average in fifty-eight dissections? Lower than I expected... the four 10-point dissections didn't factor as much as I expected them to, but it's logical when they're less than seven percent of the total dissections. Alright then, Moments Of The Week, the few and the proud. First up, who said scientists didn't have poetry in their souls?


You show them, Dr. Honeydew! And now, the ultimate minion:


REDSHIRT!!! Bwa-hah-hah!!! And for a finale, something that's definitely a tail to a tale; and en to a... well, see for yourself:


Dazzler is kind enough as to wear a costume that points to her... well... yeah. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #186.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. Jarvis is an Avenger. He is as much an Avenger as any of us." Steve Rogers, Avengers Assemble, The Oral History Of Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Chapter 12, The New Avengers V2 #6.

Still playing that game of "ketchup", here's the column for books released on 11/10. Last column's DT! was cracked by JohnnyDoe, who spotted that Bucky's Tommy gun ammo drum is in a ridiculous angle regarding the rest of the gun. Badge for you, Johnny.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week... Best Book Of The Week was Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art Of Science #1. Not only do we get to see "teenage" Robo having adventures with a mystery man of his universe (in what's probably the late 20s or early 30s), but we see some of his father/son dynamic with Tesla himself. You all know how much I love this book. Worst Book Of The Week was Batman: The Return Of Bruce Wayne #6, last issue of this poor miniseries. Not only Grant Morrison's plot makes no sense, mistaking chaotic storytelling for innovation, but they couldn't even have one artist do all the pages (much like the previous issue). On top of that, the release timing is bad, because it comes out after all the (also horrible) "Road Home" one-shots with the "Insider" crap...

Cover Of The Week is from Dungeons & Dragons #1 (by IDW); with art by Tyler Walpole and production work by someone uncredited, to make it look like an old school gaming module. Yeah, I admit it, I liked this because of a novelty issue; the actual cover art isn't that wonderful... but the effect they were looking for was achieved. Not only that, but the feel of the actual issue is that of a tabletop game (regardless of the fact that I do not like the D&D 4E rule system), and the actual module is included in the issue. It might not be the best cover art ever, or the best comic book of the week... but it certainly is the best issue gimmick of the week.

The Rundown: Avengers: The Children’s Crusade (Doom's eyes are colored incorrectly twice, inconsistent credit lettering), Batgirl V3 (Oracle's eyes should be blue, not green), Batman: The Return Of Bruce Wayne (Hal Jordan's badge is wrong, it should be "déjà vu" and not "dejà vu"), Birds Of Prey V3 (weird dialogue at one point), Dungeons & Dragons (the fantastic metal is "adamantine" or, more commonly in RPGs, "adamantite", not "adamanite"), G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (wrongly sized Cyrillic letters in the art), Invaders Now! (accented letters, Namor's eyes should be grey), Knights Of The Dinner Table ("Hat Of Opulent Lodging" becomes "Hat Of Opulant Loding"), New Mutants Forever (NOVA ROMA IS NOT IN THE FUCKING ANDES, CHRIS!!! YOU CREATED IT AND PLACED IT IN THE AMAZON JUNGLE!!!), R.E.B.E.L.S. (Psion computer monitor with English text), Shadowland: Daughters Of The Shadow (Misty Knight, a black woman, gets her eyes colored blue, and then green; none of those colors are correct for her eyes), Titans V2 (Batman's gloves are wrong, Ray Palmer is not blond and brown-eyed, Tattooed Man is Mark Richards, not "Richard"), X-Men Forever 2 (Genosha, even at the height of its power, could never be considered on par with the US; Lockheed's fangs shouldn't be that large).
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"BIG TIME DISSECTION."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 648.

CULPRIT: Dan Slott (writer).

DISSECTION: Check this one out:


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Reed Richard's eyes are colored incorrectly on the cover, Michele Gonzales' eyes and skin are wrong too, "skeletal crew" is used instead of "skeleton crew", and Captain America's boots are colored red when they should be black.
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"BEAUTIFUL WORLD."

TITLE: The Avengers Prime (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 05.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: Why would Thor refer to Jotunheim, land of his people's mortal enemies, as "that beautiful realm"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"OBJECTION!"

TITLE: Captain America V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 346.

CULPRIT: Mark Gruenwald (writer).

DISSECTION: An older one to pad out the column... Louis Hamilton, aka Stonewall is playing a lawyer in a mock trial for Quicksilver, and acts like a lumbering idiot, quoting "L.A. Law" for example... but the character is actually lawyer, something the late Gruenwald didn't bother to check.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"VOLUME, VOLUME."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: Various.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I've referred to the current Captain America book as volume 1; but it's actually (technically) volume 2. I count volume numbers based on numbering; thus, books that have gone back to their previous numbering (like Captain America, Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, Superman, etc) count as "V1". In this case, the current Cap Book continues numbering from the Captain America book that picked up numbering from Tales Of Suspense (as Thor did with Journey Into Mystery, for example).

The original book was Captain America Comics, published starting in 1941 by Timely/Atlas (and then Complete Photo Story, and Marjean Magazine), running up to issue 75 (that issue and the previous one were actually cover titled Captain America's Weird Tales). In 1954, however, Atlas published issues 76 through 78 of "Captain America", continuing the previous' book numbering, and portraying the "Commie Smasher" Captain America that was later retconned into being the crazy "Steve Roger" guy. Atlas, Timely, etc, are all effectively considered Marvel, and in any case, with Captain America I'd consider volumes from other companies as I've done with characters like Blue Beetle. So, to sum up, the current Captain America series is V2, if only because of the three 50s issues.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"GALACTIC CIVIL RIGHTs."

TITLE: Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (DC).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: Guy Gardner and other lanterns break into a torture (sorry, interrogation) chamber in Daxam to confront Sodam Yat's father (who's doing the interrogating), and he threatens them that he's going to submit a "GOTG-22" and "have" Guy's ring. What? The Guardians do not subject the Green Lantern Corps to complaints and overseeing by the worlds they patrol and protect; in fact, that's been a major plot point in books like L.E.G.I.O.N., R.E.B.E.L.S., Darkstars, etc, etc.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, GL badges on Kilowog and Guy Gardner are wrong, and Guy's is positioned too low on his jacket.
<-------------------------------->
This time we returned to an average within the usual parameters, 6.4 Bazzars in thirty seven dissections. Moments Of The Week! First up, a prepared nerd is a surviving nerd:


SHAZAM! Next, some D&D characters have their priorities straight:


That sounds like something out of the mouth of some players I know... Still within D&D, you've got to have cooperation from the local law:


That's helpful! And last, don't sass Tesla!


Nine crackers. Precisely nine. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #183.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"You can see why he gives us so much pleasure. All that arcane knowledge in the hands of a self-destructive fuck-up. It makes for wonderful viewing." Nergal, about John Constantine, Hellblazer #272.

Hello all! This is the fifth anniversary column of The Dissector!!! Formerly known as The Nitpicker's Column, it was first published in issue #549 of the Comic Book Electronic Network Magazine, on 11/11/05. It's been five years in which a lot has happened to me, including a new job (not long after starting the column); my son was already a year old back then, but he's obviously grown up a lot. I'm older, my hair's greyer, and I'm fatter... I might be wiser too, but I doubt it.

Culprits in that first column were Haden Blackman (writer of a Rogue Squadron mini), Warren Elis (writer for JLA Declassified), Greg Rucka (writer, for Queen & Country), Brian Michael Bendis (writer for Hous Of M), Jeromy Cox & Guy Major (colorists, for Infinite Crisis), Phil Jimenez (artist, for Infinite Crisis), and Nick J. Napolitano (letterer, for Infinite Crisis). Jimenez and Napolitano don't come around much, and Blackman hasn't been on the column again, basically because he's mostly written Clone Wars Adventures, Jango Fett, and other Star Wars stuff from characters and eras I don't care about... however, he did write the comic for The Force Unleashed, in which, apart from considering it lame, I didn't find any errors in... and I have The Force Unleashed II in a reading pile... so... you never know.

Bendis has come back regularly, but rarely for anything too big, and Rucka has been around less, but no horrible mistakes either. Major is one of the most prolific colorists around, so he obviously pops up here and there; like anyone else who publishes that much work. Jeromy Cox, however... well, he's responsible for the Robin cape-debacle, one of my favorite dissections of all time, as early as column #2, and he's often featured in the column for getting like, not one eye color in an issue right.

Funny thing? I quote myself from that column when explaining the layout and working of the column "(...) the main responsible for the mistake is, usually the writer, sometimes the artist, and, rarely, somebody else, like a letterer or colorist (...)". Yeah, rarely the letterer or colorist... boy, was I naive of what? Read that first column, and tell me if you see some improvement on my writing. I've said on other anniversaries that I did notice a difference, but now... I really don't.

On another personal note, I just made contact with a fellow comic blogger by the name of Martin Gray, and he reviewed "Teenagers From The Future", the book about the Legion Of Super-Heroes I wrote an essay for. Not only that, he wrote the following:

"My favourite essay is Martin A Perez's Fashion from the future, or 'I swear, Computo Forced Me To Wear This'. It's written at the level of a great fanzine article - light, entertaining and insightful."

Ego boosts are good for the soul, my friends. I'd like to also invite you to "like" the Facebook page for Teenagers From The Future.

Let's get on with the actual column, shall we? This is for comics released on 10/20; as usual, with some older stuff thrown in when I read it after publishing date. Here are The Dissector's Picks Of The Week: Best Book Of The Week was The Sixth Gun #5; a pretty interesting (if not necessarily groundbreaking) script by Cullen Bunn; good art (and lettering) by Brian Hurtt... and I'm assuming acceptable colors are by Hurtt as well, for lack of any other credit. A supernatural western adventure with magic guns? Win. Worst Book Of The Week was Soldier Zero #1... first of all, the whole "STAN LEE'S..." shtick gets tiresome, I love Stan, but he hasn't done anything worth getting excited about than play "Stan Lee" in numerous media outlets... his writing days are long away from his heyday. And if I open the book and find he's not even credited as creator or plotter, but just as "Grand Poobah", it gets even more difficult to take this seriously. Paul Cornell's writing is not close to his usual level, Javier Pina's art is not bad, but it's not enough to turn this into a book that's worth anything beyond a quick flip in the comic shop. As I tweeted after reading it: "Soldier Zero = Captain Marvel (Batson) + Blue Beetle (Reyes) + Green Lantern (Jordan) + Hulk/4 = Bland. Sorry Stan."

The Rundown: Batman: The Return Of Bruce Wayne (Tim Drake says he was Batman's partner longer than anyone, and I don't think that adds up, he went solo pretty early in his career, I don't think it nets him more time partnering with Batman than it does Dick Grayson), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Commissioner Gordon (accented letter), DC Universe Halloween Special 2010 (Spanish dialogue from Blue Beetle is within translation brackets, but untranslated), Hellblazer (the plural of succubus is "succubi", not "succubae"), Hulk V3 (the designation of the comets changes from one story to the other), Ides Of Blood ("pleaures" instead of "pleasures"), Justice League Of America V2 (Batman's chest emblem is wrong, and it changes a few times throughout the issue), Power Girl V2 (Batman's belt, glove and chest emblem are wrong), Shadowland: Power Man (characters "refresh browser history" to see what another one was looking at on his computer... but you don't "refresh browser history"... you refresh a page you have on your browser, or you check the browser history...), Star Trek: Captains Log: Jellico (a science officer's uniform changes color to a security/engineering uniform between pages), Supergirl V6 ("supplicants", again... dictionaries don't bite), X-Factor V3 (Wolfsbane and Rictor's eyes are colored incorrectly... buy Jeromy Cox!).
<-------------------------------->
"LET'S START WITH ME, SHALL WE?"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: #182

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I wrote "R'as" instead of "Ra's", and JohnnyDoe called me on it, getting a badge. As a Commander, JohnnyDoe is the highest active member of the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps, after myself (I might be the Grand Admiral, but I'm there on the frontlines with you, guys). High Admiral Nysie holds an honorary rank for designing my logo; and ViceAdmiral Snakebyte is not among my regular readers lately. Keep at it, JD, you need ten more badges to make Captain.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO ARE THOSE GUYS? WHAT IS THIS, MOSAIC?"

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 53.

CULPRIT: Tyler Kirkham (penciller) and Nei Rufino (colorist)

DISSECTION: What? Bystanders on Korugar are colored like humans, some lighter, others darker, and it's not a trick of the light or anything, because in the same light as Kyle Rayner, many share his skin color. But that's not the worst thing... they're dressed, unequivocally, in Earth clothes: jackets, baseball caps, hoodies. People from Korugar have pink or red skin, and they certainly shouldn't be wearing normal Earth garments.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars, double. Also, Sinestro's ring is colored like his skin in a panel (that's where all the pink ink went!).
<-------------------------------->
"FUCKING FIRES, HOW DO THEY WORK?"

TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Cosmic Boy goes to the Legion Academy, and while he's reviewing the students, a fire breaks out nearby and they are the closest ones to respond. They go to the scene, and one student that has variable powers (Variable Lad), in this case uses them to become super smart and learn what the best way of putting out the fire is: using the powers of another student who can control chemical reactions (Chemical Kid), because fire is an oxidation. Uhm... and they needed a super intelligent being to figure that out?

Regardless of him being a student and not a battle-hardened Legionnaire, a guy whose powers are to control chemical reactions should think of that first, particularly in the 30th century, with the kind of education they have, plus any further education someone with chemical controlling powers should get on the subject. Controlling the oxidation should be a gut response from Chemical Kid, the same as Bataranging or punching a bank robber is Batman's!

Not to mention the fact that there's two veteran Legionnaires there (Cosmic Boy and Duplicate Girl), and a handful of other students, most of whom should have a pretty advanced science education when compared to today's teenagers or young adults. Anyone today with a barely decent education should know that a fire is a chemical reaction.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, there a couple of smaller accented letters, missing powers on Timber Wolf's description, and Gravity Kid (complete with a skin-showing costume a la Cosmic Boy at one point, but not that revealing, as he has pants) becomes super-heavy and uses "his mass" to create a firebreak (a crater, actually)... when it should be his weight. In the election "ad", Tenzil Kem's eyes are colored incorrectly. Still, despite some dissections, this book remains a great read.
<-------------------------------->
"OLD SCHOOL."

TITLE: The Nitpicker (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer without a moustache).

DISSECTION: Yup... the first column. I re-read it for this anniversary, and noticed I billed Jeromy Cox as "Jeremy". Good thing I didn't spell his last "Cocks".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FREE DOESN'T HAVE TO MEAN CHEAP."

TITLE: Spider-Man Saga V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: One Shot.

CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen (handbook section overseer).

DISSECTION: The credits on one of the Kraven family profiles say "Art by Barry Kitson with Phillipe Briones (inset)", but there is no inset picture in the entry. Sidney spotted this one, and he gets a badge.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECT/THIS!"

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 77.

CULPRIT: Joshua Williamson (writer).

DISSECTION: What's wrong here? You must be up with current (six months to a year) comics for this one.


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
So, an average of 6.1 Bazzars in thirty-two dissections. Cover Of The Week is Jim Lee's variant for Legion Of Super-Heroes #6:


Great "Brainy as the Thinker" cover. Simple, yet effective. Now, Moments Of The Week... first up, from an old issue of Knights Of The Dinner table, what happens when you trick players at a convention into joining a live action game of D-Day?


In the KODTverse, that... Next, curious as to why the Legion's newest "recruit" has been behaving heroically?


Uh-oh... this CAN'T backfire... Back to the present, the Insider is impressed that Oracle seems to know who he is:


YOU'RE WEARING A YELLOW UTILITY BELT! YOU HAVE A SUIT THAT GIVES YOU THE POWERS OF CLASSIC JUSTICE LEAGUE MEMBERS! YOUR GLOVES HAVE BATMAN SPIKES!!! AND SHE'S THE FOREMOST EXPERT IN INFORMATION IN THE SUPERHERO COMMUNITY!!! STOP TREATING THIS INSIDER SHIT AS MYSTERIOUS, IT'S OBVIOUS TO ALL HIS FUCKING ALLIES (AND ANYONE WHO CAN ADD 2+2) THAT THAT'S BATMAN!!!!!

*sigh* What's next? Oh, I know, the solution to all problems:


LASERS! And for the end, another KODT moment:


I don't know, I've played with some people I'm not sure what step of the evolutionary ladder they were on... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #176.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I've run more tests than you own flimsy outfits, Miss Frost." Doctor Nemesis, X-Men-Curse Of The Mutants: Smoke And Blood.

Well, I'm back on schedule; although a lot of my books for 09/01 haven't arrived yet (and books this week came out on Thursday, not Wednesday, so that might cause a bit more of delay as well). Let's get straight to business, let me tell you that Commander JohnnyDoe of the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps noticed that the school bus in the picture was extraordinarily long, and the size of the kids' heads was the same as the vehicle's wheels.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was Iron Man Legacy... WINO TONY ADVENTURES!!! That's what Fred Van Lente calls the book, and it's a good read every week. Marvel's doing well at offering "between the raindrops" in-continuity, retro, yet not retcon tales of Iron Man. It already offers re-telling of old sagas (Spider-Man & The Secret Wars), other in continuity books that happen "before" current events (like the Astonishing ones), and even completely separate continuities (Ultimate, Marvel Adventures, etc). This book, however, is my favorite of those, because you know I'm a continuity junkie.

Worst Book Of The Week was United Free Worlds #7, published by Fantasy pr0n... err... Fantasy Prone. Beautiful digital paintings on the cover and in the first pages make you think this is going to be, at least, a visually fulfilling book; yet the actual story is drawn very amateurishly, in a horrible version of a 90s Image book, and the dialogue is not any better. Of course, I should have seen the blurb

The Rundown: Avengers: The Children's Crusade (inconsistent credit lettering), Buffy The Vampire Slayer (accented letter), Captain America: Forever Allies (Black Widow's eyes miscolored), G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (word missing in a sentence), JSA All-Stars (Czek language wrong), Secret Six V3 (Deadshot's hair should be black, not brown), Shadowland: Elektra (Elektra's eyes on the cover should be blue, not brown), Taskmaster V2 ("USAgent).
<-------------------------------->
"DENIZENS OF UNDEAD CITY."

TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 48.

CULPRIT: Kevin VanHook (writer).

DISSECTION: What does Kevin VanHook have on DC editors? Because the crap he writes is just awful... What is "denizens of the undead" supposed to be? Not only he is a poor writer, he also doesn't know what the word denizen means.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"RANDI CONFIDENTIAL."

TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 48.

CULPRIT: Kevin VanHook (writer).

DISSECTION: First Batman doesn't believe in the supernatural. Then it's Superman, and I believe Green Arrow didn't believe in it in the miniseries that preceded this arc (the in-a-stroke-of-genius-titled "Superman/Batman Vs. Vampires And Werewolves"). And now? Liv, the girl who, knowingly, IS THE GIRLFRIEND OF A VAMPIRE AND HAS BEEN TURNED INTO ONE NOW!!!!!

Really VanHook, you weren't happy ignoring decades of stories starring Batman and Superman, you had to ignore your own work? Within the same story?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SPIRITUAL? YOU'VE GOT THE RANN PEOPLE, PAL."

TITLE: Guy Gardner: Collateral Damage (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 02.

CULPRIT: Howard Chaykin (writer).

DISSECTION: Chaykin refers to the Rannians as "nature worshipers, with deeply held personal feelings about faith". Uh? What? They've always been portrayed (until the recent Lady Styx worshipping) as very science/reason based people.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Oh, right, this is old, from December, 2006, and I put it in to fill the quota of ten featured dissections for the column.
<-------------------------------->
"I, DISSECTION."

TITLE: I, Zombie (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Laura Allred (colorist).

DISSECTION: Supernatural (if you believe in that stuff) DT!


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SUB-BOLT."

TITLE: Iron Man Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Fred Van Lente (writer).

DISSECTION: WINO TONY ADVENTURES!!! I never tire of that one... Namor says Black Bolt communicates in sub vocal whispers, and while sub vocal speech might or might not produce sound; Black Bolt has always been shown to not speak, and make himself understood by body language. SOMEONE GET THE GUY A VOICE SYNTHETIZER!!! Geez...

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Stephen Strange and Reed Richards get their eyes colored incorrectly, also.
<-------------------------------->
"IN COMMUNIST RUSSIA..."

TITLE: Origins Of Marvel Comics: X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: James Asmus (writer).

DISSECTION: Colossus is, according to Marvel's current timeline, what, 25 years old? Does that sound right? Peter Parker has been Spidey for 10-12 years, according to Quesada, making him 25-27... he's supposed to be around the same age as Cyclops, Angel and Jean Grey (since Beast is supposed to be older, and Iceman younger, among the original X-Men). Colossus has usually been shown as slightly younger than them (or perhaps that's my impression), and as considerably older than Kitty. Their age difference was somewhere around Kitty being 14 and him being 19 when she was first introduced.

Bear with me, because this is important (to me, not that much for the dissection). She's been shown to have worked as a bartender in Chicago, where the minimum age for such a job is 18. Say that she was 19 then, and that a year has passed since then, she's 20. That would make Colossus 25, so the writer of this origin saying that he began his life "working in his family farm in Communist Russia" is not entirely wrong. That implies this was before 1991, making Piotr start work in the collective farm, known in Russian as "kolkhoz" (or perhaps a completely state-run "sovkhoz"), at what, age 3-4 with menial labor around the house?

We're all good there; he did work under a communist regime; but that phrase is a poor choice, as it implies this is the 1980s Colossus whose family lived in the still-existent USSR. We can let that one slide, as it is a stylistic choice... but what bothered me is the use of the expression "communist Russia". Yes, this WAS Russia, and yes, it was communist... but it's still a misnomer... it's the USSR or Soviet Union... calling it "communist Russia" is "merrikan speak", and a completely non-neutral wording for something that's not being said by a character.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Am I being nitpicky? Hell yeah I am... There are also several mistakes in this and other profiles, writing, pencilling, and coloring. The worst one, at 8 Bazzars, is showing Cable as a baby (five or six months old, with no hair, etc) first infected with the technovirus and taken to the future, instead of a 10-12 months infant with hair, etc, as he was at the time.
<-------------------------------->
"PROBLEM IS BETWEEN KEYBOARD AND CHAIR."

TITLE: R.E.B.E.L.S. (DC).

ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer).

DISSECTION: Brainiac, cybernetic terror of the galaxy, plugged into Colu's central datacore... needs to use a keyboard to input a password? What?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH, IT'S OKAY, PEOPLE HERE ARE ALWAYS UNARMED!"

TITLE: Red Hood: The Lost Days (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).

DISSECTION: Why does Jason Todd assume that British criminals won't be carrying weapons? Judd, you're thinking of most cops within the UK, but why wouldn't the criminals be armed, particularly when they're planning bombings?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Tim Drake's costume in a picture Talia show's him is wrong, also.
<-------------------------------->
"UNITED WRONG FLAGS."

TITLE: United Free Worlds (Fantasy Prone).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Patrick Blaine (penciller) and Hi-Fi Design (colorist).

DISSECTION: Not only the comic is crap, but the flags outside the UN headquarters are mostly made up.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YEAH, SHOWS WHAT YOU KNOW THE CHARACTER REALLY WELL."

TITLE: X-Men-Curse Of The Mutants: Smoke And Blood (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Simon Spurrier (writer).

DISSECTION: This book was lucky I read United Free Worlds, because it would have been Worst Book Of The Week instead. Granted, it wasn't as full of errors, just the one (and not grave scientific errors, like Spurrier's previous X-Club book), but the dialogue and characterization is very, very weak. My problem here is Emma Frost referring to herself as not scientifically minded. Yes, she could be saying that to emphasize her next statement (that she is in charge "minded"), but not only is she very scientifically adept (at least, technologically wise, if not theoretically), but she's also arrogant enough to be prone to rub that in Dr. Nemesis' nose.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. As awful as Spurrier's writing has been in the X-Men (only stuff of his I've read), I'm inclined to believe he just doesn't know that Emma is not a scientific idiot.
<-------------------------------->
Bit lower than the usual, at a 6.1 Bazzars average in thirty-three (MASONIC ALERT!) dissections. Cover Of The Week is from R.E.B.E.L.S.:


David Finch really channeled Simon Bisley there! The first Moment Of The Week is actually from an older book, a back issue of KODT, but I just got a pile of issues I hadn't read:


D-Day live action roleplaying with soldiers singing Pink? I laughed... Next, Gorilla-Man channels Joey Tribbiani:


Is he coming onto the silverback? Next, Colossus shows us why he really is colossal:


Uhm... is that organic steel? And last, the return (sort of) The Pride:


It's from Iron Man Legacy, so it's in the past, but it's cool to see them. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #175.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

08/04 "Whoa, wait a minute. This is Khund porn? Shouldn't there be some, you know, sex...?" Captain Comet, R.E.B.E.L.S. #19.

08/11 "YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM AS LOUD ASS YA WANT WHILE I KICK YOUR ASS!" Guy Gardner, Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #1.

08/18 "(Luke Cage) somehow managed to look manly in yellow silk, which just might be his greatest super-power." Iron Fist, Shadowland: Power Man #1.

08/25 "Delphyne, I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!" Amadeus Cho, Heroic Age: Prince Of Power #4.

Late? You say I'm late? Well, yes, a tad late, I suppose. But here's the column for THE ENTIRE MONTH OF AUGUST!!!!! You might have guessed that from the quotes, and let's go quickly through the Dissector's Picks Of Each Week:

Week Of 08/04: Best Book Of The Week was R.E.B.E.L.S. #20; good use of Brainiac characters, plus Claude St. Aubin's art is pretty neat. Worst Book Of The Week was Batman Confidential #47, Kevin VanHook's Batman-battles-the-supernatural-yet-doesn't-believe-in-it stories are horrible.

Week Of 08/11: Best Book Of The Week was Tom Strong & The Robots Of Doom #3, just pulpy goodness. Worst Book Of The Week was Superman #702. JMS's "Superman Walks Among Regular Folk" has been done before... and it's boring.

Week Of 08/18: Best Book Of The Week was Darkwing Duck #3, just like the TV show, month after month. Worst Book Of The Week was Uncanny X-Men #527... the story is passable, but Whilce Portacio and Leonard Kirk make Emma Frost seem like a crack whore, and Colossus like a mentally deficient jock. The art is just hideous, I tell you.

Week Of 08/25: Best Book Of The Week was Heroic Age: Prince Of Power, good mixing of regular superhero adventure with godstuff, and humor on top of it. Worst Book Of The Week was Teen Titans #86. Felicia Henderson's writing is bad, and while the art by José Luís is not as awful as previous issues, it still doesn't make up for the plot.

Oh, no one got the DT! last week, it was the fact that the Kents look like they're 40 at most. The Rundown is ginormous, so you can find it here.
<-------------------------------->
"RING OF ILLUSIONS."

TITLE: Adventure Comics V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 517.

CULPRIT: Kevin Sharpe (penciller).

DISSECTION: Roy alerted me to this one... the flight belts the Legionnaires wear (before their rings) appear and disappear... then Cosmic Boy has a Legion ring, which he wasn't wearing before.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Badge for Roy. So that's a double dissection there, and then in the backup, Atom just takes Calculator to Oracle's base, right in front of Babs; plus in the DC Nation column, Eddie Berganza refers to "the Green Lanterns" as "las Linterna Verde". First, it's "los", if you're talking about the people, the corps members, and not the objects. Second, it's "Linternas Verdes", because it's plural.
<-------------------------------->
"SILENCE OF THE LAMB."

TITLE: Avengers Academy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Mike McKone (penciller).

DISSECTION: If Crossbones is supposed to be wearing a muzzle so he can't use his teeth as projectile weapons... why does the thing have enough space for him to actually do that?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. There's also inconsistent lettering in the credits, and Norman Osborn's eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"VE DAY!"

TITLE: DC Universe Legacies (DC).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Len Wein (writer).

DISSECTION: Lots of time period inconsistencies, but apart from those, they refer to a shot fired the same day as Germany surrendered in WWII as "the last shot of the war"... yet Japan surrendered quite later.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BAAAA!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 174.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Donald313 noticed that last column said "Jim Baleen" instead of "Balent". I corrected it on the column, but I still admit to it. You get trigger happy with the spell checker sometimes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars, and a badge for Donald. Three more and you reach Commander.
<-------------------------------->
"MACHIAVELLIAN DRACULA!"

TITLE: Ides Of Blood (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Stuart C. Paul (writer).

DISSECTION: While my fellow Uruguayan Christian Duce provides great vampire/roman mood art; writer Stuart C. Paul script throws me out of the story. I understand the need to use linguistic anachronisms in period stories; to better get your point across and connect with the reader. But when the anachronisms in your dialogues go beyond the linguistic and cross into historic things... a story in ancient Rome, with Julius Caesar around, cannot have the word "Machiavellian" or refer to vampires as "dracul"; not several centuries before the birth (let alone work) of the person who inspires the first term, and (even if it's closer) the rise of the order that the second term refers to.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Yes, they're figure of speech, but you have to be careful.
<-------------------------------->
"UNITED KRAUT NATIONS."

TITLE: Iron Man Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Fred Van Lente (writer).

DISSECTION: This is a good book, Wino Tony Adventures (as Van Lente jokingly refers to it). It's had few errors so far, and in this issue, it was a little slip up. Or a few, but still. Apart from accented letters being smaller than they should, right before Dr. Doom addresses the UN's General Assembly, a translator is translating a speech into German... yet the official languages of the UN, and by extension (if I'm not mistaken, and I did my research), the languages into which things are translated, are Arabic, Chinese, English, French, Russian and Spanish.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. There is also a small
German language mistake, using the German word for "chair" (the piece of furniture) for "chair" as in the chair of a meeting; when there's a specific word for that in German, "Vorsitzender". I snicker when Spanish translation of US stuff think "foreman" is the last name of the head juror in a trial and dub him "Señor Foreman".
<-------------------------------->
"UNBORN DOOM."

TITLE: Iron Man Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Fred Van Lente (writer).

DISSECTION: Dr. Doom says he communicates with the UN through a "sonogram". Uhm... I'm pretty sure that should be a "hologram".

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ALL-STAR DISSECTION."

TITLE: JSA All-Stars (DC).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).

DISSECTION: Come on, this one is easy.


DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CRYSTAL METHOD."

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC) / Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: Various.

CULPRIT: Various.

DISSECTION: David noticed that Mikaal Tomas, the Starman currently in JLA (and in JSA because of the crossover going on right now) used to have a roundish yellow crystal embedded in his chest, but now for some reason it's being drawn sometimes as a giant green rhomboid jewel, and sometimes it's that shape, but yellow. Badge for David, two more and you make Lieutenant!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars... I'll give four to JLA, and three to JSA; I have no energy to go back and identify authors.
<-------------------------------->
"CRAPOSYNTHESIS."

TITLE: TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 48.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: Kryptonians process sunlight, but they don't do "photosynthesis", the use of that term, particularly by a scientist like Mr. Terrific is moronic. Photosynthesis is literally s a process that converts carbon dioxide into organic compounds, especially sugars, using the energy from sunlight.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Dick Grayson's bat emblems are wrong, too.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT'S IN THE BOX?"

TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Stuart Moore (writer).

DISSECTION: Now, if this magical chest thingy can only be opened by a ruler of Atlantis... how the fuck did the vampires put Dracula's head inside of it?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. There are other writing languages, specifically the fact that Namor "blesses" fallen Atlantean warriors in Latin... Latin? Oh, and he doesn't believe in vampires... what? And art wise, Namor's eyes are colored incorrectly, and Atlanteans do not have fins in their calves (much less spiked ones), those are DC Atlanteans... I'm willing to cut Ariel Olivetti some slack, since you could argue these are from a subspecies, or those fins are part of their pants (since they're all wearing pants... and no shirts, except the female...).
<-------------------------------->
"FUCKING MAGNETS, HOW DO THEY WORK?"

TITLE: New Mutants Forever (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Now, this is as lazy as Green Lantern energy deficits; but older. Magneto has control over magnetism, right? And he's been shown to move or immobilize people by the iron in their blood, right? Among other things, He's lifted submarines, starships, planes, and asteroids, right? Yet he's vexed by a bunch of mercs in non-metallic armor? Even if their armor somehow blocks him from moving the bodies inside, he can impale them with pieces of metal from furniture, the building, etc... reminds me of a cartoon episode where he was attacked and captured by ceramic Sentinels... in the middle of a harbor full of fifty foot yachts...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Lots of more errors: eye colors, saying Nova Roma is in the Andes, an accented letter, "Valkyror" instead of "Valkyrior", being surprised that people with paramilitary gear open fire without mercy, being surprised at the new costumes Ilyana conjures, yet they were wearing them in a picture they were looking at minutes earlier, and saying David Haller is Moira's son... Nine errors in the first issue only? Good start (but it was a good read, though), Chris.
<-------------------------------->
"THOSE PESKY MEMBERS OF OUR OWN FEDERATION!"

TITLE: Star Trek: Burden Of Knowledge (IDW)

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Scott & David Tipton (writers).

DISSECTION: Andorian technicians perform an overhaul on the Enterprise's computer systems, something mandated by Starfleet, done at a UFP starbase. While overhauling the computer systems, the Andorians sabotage them to have a bias about Tellarites. When this is discovered and reverted, McCoy complains that the Andorians "are scott free".

What? The Andorians are part of the United Federation Of Planets, and not "their allies", like Bones say. Yes, this is the TOS era, and it was common to have an all-Vulcan starship in Starfleet (like the USS Intrepid, a curious name for a Vulcan ship), or all-Andorian space stations... but it's not like they're anonymous Andorians that just happened to offer you a computer overhaul in the middle of space, and you accepted because it was cheap and you had a coupon!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OHNOES! THERE'S NO PLACE TO LAND OUR SUPERTECHNOLOGICAL ALIEN-ENHANCED VTOL AIRCRAFT!"

TITLE: Wolverine: Weapon X (Marvel).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Jason Aaron (writer).

DISSECTION: I just picked up the most recent issue because I knew it was a Nightcrawler tribute; and Kurt's one of my favorite X-Men. I liked the story; I really dug what Jason Aaron, the writer, was getting at... however, wasn't there another way to force Logan to make an effort to deliver the piano? Did you need to say there was no airstrip on which to land a Blackbird? X-Men aircraft have been consistently shown as having VTOL capabilities, and they can also hover; being enhanced by Sh'iar technology, and the work of people like Forge.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, Angel's eyes are curiously blank, and Wolverine's eyes are colored brown.
<-------------------------------->
146=6.4

Even with a hundred and forty six dissections, the average was... well, average, at 6.4 Bazzars. Sorry this column is not as good as usual; not only I've done it in a hurry, but it's also been fragmented and my attention has been crap because on Sunday my cat was killed by the neighbors' dog, and I'm still depressed... But anyhoo, here are the Covers Of Each Week; for the week of 08/04, it's again Darwyn's Cook cover for The Murder Of King Tut:


Next, for the week of 08/11, a nice looking piece from Sky Doll: Lacrima Christy Collection #1, by the book's creators Alessandro Barbucci and Barbara Canepa:


Nothing striking, but the best of that week. From 08/18, the last issue of the regular Star Wars: Legacy series, by co-creator Jan Duursema, and Sean Cooke:


Yes, not one of the best covers ever either, but it's a nice bookend for this series. Good thing there'll be at least one miniseries continuing the story, as I'm more interested in going forward with the story of the Star Wars universe than with exploring its past (unless it's Rebellion or New Republic eras). Last, from 08/25, another nice painting by Whilce Portacio for X-Men Legacy:


I wish he could do this kind of stuff inside the book... Now, Moments Of The Week... first, from 08/04, Lobo flaunts his bling:


Scary... Next, the villain in Metaba... err, S.H.I.E.L.D.?


Why, of course, Isaac Newton! I was hoping it'd be Edison... Now, from the interest "Last Family Of Krypton" mini, Lex being Lex:


Bastard. And from that same book, this is how Kryptonians do make-up sex:


Now, from 08/11, Bart gives the best possible eulogy for Comic Book Guy:


Good one. Next, Tony Stark, fashion disaster:


MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!! And now, why shapeshifters are evil:


MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!! MY SOUL!!! MY SOUL!!! Next, Blade, as played by the Wayans Brothers:


It still made me laugh. From 08/18, things are tough in the sidekick/pilot market, in this economy:


That brought a big smile to my face. Next, the foreshadowing started in Ex Machina #1 was indeed about something gloom:


Gaaaah!!! Over in the UK, Hughie disappoints me:


Stella? A Belgian beer? Yes, it's pretty common over there, but still... Next up, legacy heroes have to be true to their legacy:


Power Man? Check. Cheesy? Check. Speaking of Legacy, my favorite character from Star Wars: Legacy, Antares Draco, goes down in a blaze of glory:


Just as a note, he's not a red-skinned-black-inked Sith; that's just a disguise, this is his usual look, and he actually went down fighting his former master (now a Sith), but this was the cooler moment to show. Next, Spider-Man, nerdgasming:


Like a true schoolgirl of nerdiness. To finish this week, you know who you should not mess with?


That's John Walker, aka the U.S.Agent, now warden of The Raft. You know what happens if you mess with him?


This. Even missing an arm and a leg, he's got superpowers and combat training, you idjits. Now two moments from 08/25, first up, Kirby flashback!


Courtesy of Butch Guice. And last, Amadeus Cho ascends to godhood:


Not quite as I expected he'd look... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!