DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
Thank you all for voting; here are your choices (and mine, hey, I voted first!) for the Autopsy Awards 2008:
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Best Writing Dissection:
Without a doubt, but without a landslide vote, the winner is:
W03-"SPANISHATION DESENCADENATED!" (The Dissector #73, 07/16/08)
COMMENT: I'm so at a loss for words on this dissection, that I should just make up a word in English for it...
TITLE: Blue Beetle V7 (DC).
ISSUE: 26.
CULPRIT: Jai Nitz (writer) & Sergio Aragonés (translation terrorist).
DISSECTION: God. Where to start? Let me say this: for a book with Hispanic characters as a star and most of the supporting cast, Blue Beetle has been surprisingly low on Spanish language mistakes. Until now. I initially cringed when they announced a special Spanish language issue, however, the high quality the book has displayed so far came to my mind, and trusted whoever would be writing it to find a good translator.
Then all my hopes were shattered when I saw the book cover and I found that they MADE UP A WORD!!! The cover reads "¡EL PARÁSITO DESTRAILLÓ!", and "destrailló" is not a real word. I'm familiar with many Spanish regional dialects from all over America, to varying degrees, and even with Spanish as spoken in Spain itself (by the way, the correct name of the language is actually "Castillian"); and I've even checked with other people, and in the Royal Spanish Language Academy Dictionary (which includes even the most outrageous regional slang you can imagine): this word does not exist. All the places I find it on the web are translations that seem to be done with translating software, which thought it was the Spanish word for "unleashed" (where "destraillar" would be "to unleash"). It's even spread to Wiktionary, where I just left a message in the discussion page to have it deleted.
(...)
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars; and I gave the other 57 language dissections an average of 7 Bazzars each. Oh, I just noticed... the writer's last name is "Nitz".... hehehe.
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Best Art Dissection:
It's nice to check Wikipedia every now and then:
A02-"CIDADE MARAVILHOSA... NOT!"" (The Dissector #84, 08/13/08)
COMMENT: Good god, it's not like you can't get photos from the web...
TITLE: Casey Blue: Beyond Tomorrow (DC/Wildstorm).
ISSUE: 03 of 06.
CULPRIT: Carlo Barbieri (penciller).
DISSECTION: Establishing shot of Sao Paulo... THE CRISTO REDENTOR STATUE WHICH IS ACTUALLY IN RIO DE JANEIRO!!!!!
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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Best Coloring Dissection:
Only one vote for other nominee; but you just don't mess up when coloring Superman's costume and get away with it:
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C01a-"OH NO HE DIDN'T!" (The Dissector #67, 03/27/08)
COMMENT: This one and the next are the same mistake, made two issues in a row, and it's outrageous. Just vote for C01 if you want this one to win.
TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 24.
CULPRIT: Santiago Arcas (colorist).
DISSECTION: Arcas incorrectly colors SUPERMAN'S CAPE SHIELD!!! He colors it as if it was the chest shield, blue and yellow
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Un-for-gi-va-ble.
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C01b-"WELL, IT'S JUST SUPERMAN, IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S GOT A CLASSIC, RECOGNIZABLE COSTUME." (The Dissector #72, 06/25/08)
TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 25.
CULPRIT: Santiago Arcas (colorist).
DISSECTION: Good God, Arcas! How can you work as a comic book colorist and not know that Superman's CAPE emblem is all yellow, not red and yellow like his chest one?!?!
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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Best Lettering Dissection:
Joe denied any guilt on this one, but it's just very funny, and our first landslide:
L02-"WHERE'S WULVERINE AND NIGHTCRUWLER?" (The Dissector #61, 03/21/08)
COMMENT: This one is by far the funniest lettering error I've seen; coupled with the frilly font for such a macho character...
TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).
ISSUE: 495.
CULPRIT: VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).
DISSECTION: Pfft.... look below.
Hahahaha!!!! COLUSSUS!!!!!
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars
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Best Other Dissection:
This was so big, it had to get two awards:
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O03"SPANISHATION DESENCADENATED!" (The Dissector #73, 07/16/08)
COMMENT: This one was so big, that it had to be nominated for both categories.
TITLE: Blue Beetle V7 (DC).
ISSUE: 26.
CULPRIT: Jai Nitz (writer) & Sergio Aragonés (translation terrorist).
DISSECTION: God. Where to start? Let me say this: for a book with Hispanic characters as a star and most of the supporting cast, Blue Beetle has been surprisingly low on Spanish language mistakes. Until now. I initially cringed when they announced a special Spanish language issue, however, the high quality the book has displayed so far came to my mind, and trusted whoever would be writing it to find a good translator.
Then all my hopes were shattered when I saw the book cover and I found that they MADE UP A WORD!!! The cover reads "¡EL PARÁSITO DESTRAILLÓ!", and "destrailló" is not a real word. I'm familiar with many Spanish regional dialects from all over America, to varying degrees, and even with Spanish as spoken in Spain itself (by the way, the correct name of the language is actually "Castillian"); and I've even checked with other people, and in the Royal Spanish Language Academy Dictionary (which includes even the most outrageous regional slang you can imagine): this word does not exist. All the places I find it on the web are translations that seem to be done with translating software, which thought it was the Spanish word for "unleashed" (where "destraillar" would be "to unleash"). It's even spread to Wiktionary, where I just left a message in the discussion page to have it deleted.
(...)
What was the worse (or funniest, you decide) thing about this book? That when I got to the end of it, writer Nitz thanked Sergio Aragonés for "keeping it "verdadero""... Was Aragonés (who was born in Spain and grew up in Mexico) drunk? Pulling a prank on Nitz? Getting revenge for Nitz boinking his granddaughter? Because no one who actually knows Spanish would ever translate the issue as this one was... Complete and utter garbage; and the story isn't even up to Blue Beetle standards.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars; and I gave the other 57 language dissections an average of 7 Bazzars each. Oh, I just noticed... the writer's last name is "Nitz".... hehehe.
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Best Quote:
You gotta love gamemasters and their flavor text:
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Q05-"You are ejected from the sliding chute like phlegm from and old sailor's nostril." B.A. Felton, Knights Of The Dinner Table #135. (The Dissector #77, 07/24/08)
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Best Moment:
Simply brilliant:
M04-From The Dissector #75 (07/22/08), Norman Osborn again, in a brilliant scene that shows (in an admittedly cliched way, but brilliant nevertheless) how utterly insane he is:
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Now, for the special awards, those based solely on numbers, or on "special" merit.
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Company With Most Dissections: DC, with 684; followed by Marvel with 327. Yeah, Countdown To Final Crisis and its policy of "at least one fuck up per issue" helped a lot.
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Book With Most Dissections: Zorro (Dynamite), with 89 dissections, against Blue Beetle's 62 (with one issue making up the bulk of it.
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Most Dissected Writer: Matt Wagner (Zorro), with 63 dissections, followed closely by MaGnUs (The Dissector) with 58.
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Most Dissected Artist: Tom Derenick (Countdown To Final Crisis), with 13, followed by Freddie E. Williams II (The Flash), and others, with 8.
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Most Dissected Colorist: John Kalisz (Rann/Thanagar Holy War, others), with 14, followed by Tom Chu (Countdown To Final Crisis), with 11.
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Most Dissected Letterer: Simon Bowland (Zorro), with 55, followed by Cory Petit (Punisher, others) with 19.
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Most Dissected "Other": Sergio Aragonés (for Blue Beetle, as translation terrorist), with 58 dissections; followed b Jordan D. White (assistant editor at Marvel), with 20.
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Single Issue With Most Dissections: Blue Beetle V8 #26 (DC Comics), for the "all-Spanish" issue, it also takes home the "Golden Bonesaw Award" for catastrophic underachievement.
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Cyclone Fashion Award To The Most Mutable Costume: Una's costume (Countdown To Final Crisis).
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Worst Quote Of The Year: "Hurry the fuck up down there! Do I need to remind yeh this's an invasion? Like with pointy swords and people dying and shit?" Unnamed Saxxon commander in the 1100s, Northlanders #7.
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That's it for this year; I'll be on the outlook for more nominees, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
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