The Dissector #150.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Guy swears his satellite TV gets a channel from Hell. Trouble is, how would you tell?" John Constantine, John Constantine, Hellblazer: Pandemonium.

Last weekend to vote on the Autopsy Awards, folks! For now, we'll go with the column for comics released on 02/10. JohnnyDoe cracked the DT! from last week, Vicki Vale says "...generous to Gotham over time years, but...", when it should have been "over the years" or "over time". Badge for you, man.

Best Book Of The Week was Secret Six #18; conclusion to the Secret Six/Suicide Squad Blackest Night "team up", or rather, the Ostrander/Simone writing team up. Good story, good art, good Black Lantern disposal, and good memories. And the Moment Of The Week that really made my jaw drop, see at the end of the column. Worst Book Of The Week was Action Comics 886, with a boring Kryptonian mythological story, told as a sort of illustrated bible with lots of narration boxes, more like a storybook than a comic book... ACTION. COMICS. That clue you in, Rucka & Trautmann? I like both of you as writers (and Trautmann is a great guy, never talked to Rucka), but this issue was too dense, too wordy, for this book.

The Rundown: Action Comics (Hal Jordan's badge), The Amazing Spider-Man Presents: Jackpot (the color and shape of the vials containing a drug and a sweat sample are exchanged between pages, accented letter), Angel (Spike's eyes are colored brown, then change to his correct blue), Batgirl V3 (a section of Gotham is described as a DMZ, when it's not), Booster Gold V2 (time "linie"?), Dark X-Men (Norman's eyes, Dark Beast described as "cat people"), Green Arrow/Black Canary (Hal Jordan's badge, and Wally West's eyes through his mask are mentioned, when you can't see his eyes), John Constantine, Hellblazer: Pandemonium (accented letter), The Phantom Double Shot: KGB Noir (speech balloon pointing to wrong character), S.W.O.R.D. (BEAST AGAIN!!!! And Italian dialogue is wrong), Secret Six V3 (Rick Flag's eyes are colored incorrectly), Strange V2 (Doc Strange can't get his eyes colored correctly even in his own book), X-Men: Pixie Strikes Back (accented letter). Dissections?
<-------------------------------->
"ADVENTURE DISSECTION."

TITLE: Adventure Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 510.

CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer).

DISSECTION: Check this one out, it should be pretty simple.


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, when Superboy reminisces about joining the Teen Titans, there's a character in the gathering that's unidentified... and shouldn't be there.
<-------------------------------->
"TAKE AWAY THE BEST PART OF HER COSTUME, WILL YA?"

TITLE: JSA All-Stars (DC).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist) and Richard & Tanya Horie (colorists).

DISSECTION: Power Girl's uniform ample (for lack of a better word) cleavage, or "twindow", as a reader of this column named it, is missing completely. Her Kryptonian Knockers are completely covered up.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Magog's eye is colored incorrectly, and Hourman's eye changes color midway through the backup story.
<-------------------------------->
"MIRAGE CONTACTS."

TITLE: New Mutants V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Sotocolor (colorist).

DISSECTION: Why does Mirage, a Native American, keep getting her eyes colored green or blue? Green in this case.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, they keep neglecting to mention Magik's magical abilities in the character round up.
<-------------------------------->
"NOTHEED."

TITLE: Tails Of The Pet Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Humberto Ramos (cover artist).

DISSECTION: Lockheed is drawn with segmented plate skin, and a finger (not just pointy claws) on each of his wings. Wrong character design, I have him on my arm, I should know.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DAS BOOT II."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 17.

CULPRIT: Chris Garcia (colorist).

DISSECTION: Rogue's boots are colored yellow in the story, as they were in the previous issue. Cover colorist Moose Baumann gets them right, coloring them green. Thanks to artist Graham Nolan, who in this issue draws Rogue's boots as ripped with the transformation.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Beast and Mystique have their eyes colored wrong, and in Beast's case, drawn wrong too. (Again, yes, I know "Das Boot" is not "The Boot".)
<-------------------------------->
This week gives us a 6.5 Bazzars average in thirty dissections. Now, Cover Of The Week is the following piece from the first issue of the new Human Target book:


This nice piece by Redondo, Sandoval, Rench, and Abbot reminds me of the Steranko covers for the 70s Nick Fury books. Moments Of The Week? Remember I said one from Suicide Squad... err, Secret Six had made me gape?


Yeah, he finally did it. No, he didn't kill her, but instead lodged a bullet near her heart so it can't be removed through surgery. I really don't buy that last part, not with all the medical science in the DCU, but still, it was fun. Killing her would have been too easy for Floyd. Then, Norman Osborn For President?


Well, he is not a crook, is he? And for a finale, Beast wishes for a team up... with Spidey, perhaps? Wonder Man once again? Nope:


That’s who you want to team up when you battle sentient rock aliens. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #133.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I feel like I've gone insane. Like I'm Bizarro World or something. Ra's al Ghul is my new Alfred. Butler of the Damned." Red Robin (Tim Drake), Red Robin #4.

Welcome to the Dissector #133! This is the column for comics released on 09/10, and yes, I know I'm late... I'm even late on my comic book reading; I haven't read all comics for last week... That, among other things, is why I've decided on a little change to the column to make it shorter to write, and more dynamic, more entertaining to read.

I have too many instances of "someone's eyes are colored incorrectly", "they made an accented letter smaller"; or even story errors that are just plain boring to write about. That's where the new section (The Rundown) comes in. I'll just mention the title and issue of the comic, and a brief description of the dissections in it. Those dissections will still have a score and a culprit; but I'll keep that out of the column.

I've been doing something like this for a time; writing up the most entertaining dissection in an issue; and counting the rest behind scenes; often mentioning those extra dissections briefly. It's also similar to what I did with the less interesting dissections a few months ago when I had to write one column for every month I was behind. With The Rundown (working name), however, some books won't even get a full entry on the column.

So, look for The Rundown below, right now we'll take a look at The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book Of The Week was Adventure Comics #505; the Superboy main feature is good; but it's the Legion second feature that makes this a must read for me. Worst Book Of The Week was Exo-1 & The Rock Solid Steelbots #0. You're asking yourself "Exo what?", aren't you? Exactly. PKD Media seems to be a webcomic venture that is starting out in print... and I don't want to say anything bad about them; but honestly... amateurish doesn't cover. Amateur, however, does. I mean, look at this:


And that's one of the best pages in the book... *sigh* At least the DT! from last column was cracked; by Donald313, from Germany, who catches correctly that Karnak has a boot on one foot, and a sneaker/slipper on the other in one of the panels. Badge for you, and welcome to the HDSC, Ensign... or should I say Fähnrich?

Now, before moving onto the dissections; let's have an appetizer with The Rundown: Adventure Comics #505 (a newspaper headline says "Krytonian), Booster Gold V2 #24 (hair and eye coloring mistakes), Dark Avengers/Uncanny X-Men: Exodus (eye coloring mistakes), Dark Reign: Young Avengers #04 (eye coloring mistakes, including Norman), Doom Patrol V5 #02 (eye coloring mistakes), Green Lantern Corps V2 #40 (wrong badges), The Last Resort #02 (the Spanish word for "ladies" is "señoras", not "senoras"), Marvel Super Hero Squad #01 (an eye coloring mistake), Superman: World Of New Krypton #07 (Kal-El gets promoted to General, then he's called Commander again... but it could be an in-character mistake). Yeah, that was shorter than writing up all of those dissections.
<-------------------------------->
"TECHNICALITIES..."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 604.

CULPRIT: Fred Van Lente (writer).

DISSECTION: Michelle Gonzales says her brother Vin is in prison for "impersonating" a murderer. He's not, he's in prison for helping frame someone for murder, there's a big difference, and she's a lawyer.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, her eyes are colored blue instead of brown.
<-------------------------------->
"BLOCKADES KNOWN NO CLOCKS."

TITLE: Cisplatino Visiones (Apocalipta).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Diego Tapié and/or Pablo Zignone (writers).

DISSECTION: A scene is captioned as happening at "12:44 PM", but it's obviously night, so they meant "12:44 AM". Thanks to new Ensign Peter Parker for pointing this out... this happens to be the same comic my story is in.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE BOYS ARE NOT ALRIGHT."

TITLE: The Boys (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 34.

CULPRIT: Garth Ennis (writer).

DISSECTION: Winning his second badge, Donald313 lets us know that when Stormfront says "Was der Hölle" when he should say "Was zur Hölle". Poor Donald also laments that since the cover has a Swastika, he can't get this book in Germany. I understand Germany is afraid of some things resurfacing, but there's Neo Nazis without this comic, and Stormfront is obviously the bad guy here... Dynamite should have foreseen this and edited a small run with a different cover, too.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"COLOR ME MISTAKEN."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 132.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Donald earns himself his third badge in a row by pointing out that I wrote "Rogue's eyes should be green, but they're colored green"; they had been colored brown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NOT SO ROCK SOLID WHEN IT COMES TO SPELLING."

TITLE: Exo-1 & The Rock Solid Steelbots (PKD Media).

ISSUE: 00.

CULPRIT: Shawn Pryor (writer).

DISSECTION: First of all, they need to decide whether it's “Rocksolid” or “Rock Solid, and "Steel Bots" or "Steelbots"; then they need to spell check better (“won't” and “systems”; not “wont and “stsyems”).

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"FALL OUT KEYBOARD."

TITLE: Fall Out Toy Works (Image).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Brett Lewis (writer).

DISSECTION: So, I picked this up because it had a nice cover... and found out it was "inspired by the ideas & lyrics of Fall Out Boy"... and I shuddered. I've never listened to Fall Out Boy that I know of, but something inspired on a band's lyrics was kind of scary. And I was wrong, this was a fun read, with good art.

So, was there a dissection? Just a tiny one, it didn't get put in The Rundown because I wanted to mention how I'd liked the book, and it was a new one... they just wrote "sound bafrier".

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BE DISCRETE; SAID THE GUY WITH WINGS."

TITLE: Hulk Team-Up (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Marc Sumerak (writer).

DISSECTION: I could have done without this book... Can someone tell me what the big deal is with Iceman using his powers in public? Yes, they're in San Francisco and they don't want people to swarm them asking for autographs, instead of the usual mutant-hating-hysteria... but Bobby's sitting with Angel, who has his wings in plain view!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. There's also two letters with diacritics in the Dazzler story that are smaller than the rest.
<-------------------------------->
"OH! POOR TIMMY!"

TITLE: Red Robin (DC).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Chris Yost (writer).

DISSECTION: Ooooookaaaay... Robin backs down from a fight because "A dozen armed gang members, I could take. Trained U.S. soldiers? Probably not." WHAT? This is TIM DRAKE. Red Robin, formerly Robin, trained by Batman, who's taken on SUPERPOWERED OPPONENTS and some of the deadliest human fighters (Lady Shiva, King Snake, League Of Assassins, etc), and he backs down from mere soldiers, that are not even special forces or anything?

No disrespect to the soldiers, but if Yost wanted to homage them or something, he should have Tim not wanting to hurt the soldiers or something... but nobody who's read a single comic with Tim Drake in it will believe that he can't fight a bunch of soldiers

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TO BOLDLY DISSECT..."

TITLE: Star Trek: Nero (IDW).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Unknown ad writer.

DISSECTION: This one's for the trekkies:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"A GIANT WHAT?"

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: When the X-Men have dealt with Sentinels, Celestials, and there's tons of giant-sized villains and creatures... why are they (and S.H.I.E.L.D.) so surprised about a giant footprint?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Xavier and Kitty Pryde's eyes are colored incorrectly, so is Gambit's hair, plus Beast's eyes are colored and drawn incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
This week gives us a very low average, or lower than usual, of 5.9 Bazzars in thirty-four dissections. Very well... Cover Of The Week!


Not the most amazing cover ever; but trust me, it was the best I could find this week... Now, Moments Of The Week, por favor. First of all... let's start by telling the Titans that the stripper who impersonated Starfire has quit... and know there's a tranny in her place (2017 re-read: "tranny" was an unfortunate choice of word on my part, I am ashamed):


Wow! That's a man, baby! Next, Herc is a trekkie:


Hehe, funny. Then, first of a few dissections from the ending of Utopia. How do you stop a god?


Like that! Good move, I like writers who take advantage of the long history X-Men comics have. That, and Moonstar looks good in that outfit... Now, one of those speeches I like so much:


What can I say? I'm a sucker for those speeches. Now, who else gives speeches?


President Osborn! And speaking of heads of state:


Holy crap! I did not see that one coming! For our finale, people tell JJJ off.


How's that, Mr. Mayor? That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #119.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"(...) My years with Mr. Tesla have taught me that there's one underlying scientific principle to ALL existence. (...) EVERYTHING explodes." Atomic Robo, as he cranks up the dial of a lightning gun to ten, Atomic Robo And The Shadow From Beyond Time #2.

Greetings, and welcome to the column covering the dissections in comics released on 06/03. Straight into the fray; last week's DT! was not solved, I'm very disappointed. Namor, in the panel I show, is wearing his trademark green speedos... with white lines on the side; when he's never had those before.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week is a tie between The Amazing Spider-Man #596 and Atomic Robo And The Shadow Beyond Time #2; I couldn't decide between the two so I just went with both. Worst Book Of The Week was Ultimatum #4; not that bad, but weak, and this whole event has been badly paced. Now, dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"ONE IS HIS SUMMER COSTUME."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 596.

CULPRIT: Paulo Siqueira (penciller).

DISSECTION: Wolverine (Daken) wears a costume with short sleeves; but on the first page, he's wearing a full sleeved costume; then in the rest of the issue, short sleeves.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DIE KINDER."

TITLE: The Boys (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 31.

CULPRIT: Simon Bowland (letterer).

DISSECTION: Ah, Simon... you don't learn, do you? The ü in "Führer" should be the same size as the rest of the letters.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE DISECTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 108.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I just noticed I wrote "powerles" in that column instead of "powerless".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"MASK OF UNCERTAINTY."

TITLE: Exiles V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Salva Espín (artist).

DISSECTION: Can someone explain to me how the Black Panther is wearing his mask after escaping his cell, when he didn't have it before?

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BLACK LANTERN, WHITE GLOVES."

TITLE: Final Crisis Aftermath: Run (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 06.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).

DISSECTION: And the fuck up continues... John Stewart's costume is wrong; with him wearing white gloves and the wrong chest emblem.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars for the gloves. Also, Firestorm is colored as if he's Ronnie Raymond, not Jason Rusch; and his costume is also Ronnie's. Seriously, are the people making this comic not aware of the fact that Jason is Firestorm these days?
<-------------------------------->
"MIGHTY DISBANDMENT."

TITLE: Mighty Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Dan Slott (writer).

DISSECTION: The "previously" text says that after Secret Invasion the New Avengers disbanded... they didn't they went underground.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PUNISH ME, WILL YA JOE?"

TITLE: Punisher: Naked Kill (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Come on Joe, I expect more of you! "Pokémon" has an accented "e", but it has to be the same size as the rest of the letters!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HEY, JUNIOR."

TITLE: Star Trek: Crew (IDW).

ISSUE: 04 of 05.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).

DISSECTION: There are several dissections, small ones; the one I chose to write up is the fact that Pike is mentioned as a "junior officer", when his rank is Lt. Commander. Junior officers are the ones holding a rank of lieutenant, or lower.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. One a good note; this book is enjoyable, and Byrne has Number One read Vulcan philosophy, foreshadowing her emotionless, computer-like behavior in The Cage.
<-------------------------------->
"WHITE LANTERN, BLACK GLOVES."

TITLE: Superman: World Of New Krypton (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 12.

CULPRIT: Brad Anderson (colorist) and Pete Woods (artist).

DISSECTION: Why is John Stewart Caucasian?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, can we remember that John Stewart's chest emblem is MOT the same as Hal's?
<-------------------------------->
"CO-LOM-BI-A! CO-LOM-BI-A! CO-LOM-BI-A!"

TITLE: Universal War One: Revelations (Marvel/Soleil).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Denis Bajram (writer), Paul Benjamin (writer, adaptation), uncredited translator.

DISSECTION: The South American country is called "Colombia", not "Columbia".

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, "Del Gado" is not a last name, "Delgado" is.
<-------------------------------->
This week's column had an average of 6.2 Bazzars in seventeen dissections... oh, and I didn't feel like having a DT!, couldn't find a dissection that fit that mold this time around. That out the way, we have a slew of Moments Of The Week. First up; The Punisher can kill you with a sock!


Badass! Next, more Punisher. How do you escape a tall building in lockdown before all its inhabitants are gassed?


Easy! You build a ladder out of dead bodies! Then, Atomic Robo and I think alike:


Yes, we're both nitpicking bastards! Next, behave around Ares...


Or he'll pimp slap ya! Still on the Dark Avengers:


Norman Osborn, Academy Award nominee? And last, watch out...


Don't wear too many piercings near turbo magnets... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector Special #06: Autopsy Awards 2008 Winners.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)


Thank you all for voting; here are your choices (and mine, hey, I voted first!) for the Autopsy Awards 2008:
<-------------------------------->
Best Writing Dissection:

Without a doubt, but without a landslide vote, the winner is:

W03-"SPANISHATION DESENCADENATED!" (The Dissector #73, 07/16/08)

COMMENT: I'm so at a loss for words on this dissection, that I should just make up a word in English for it...

TITLE: Blue Beetle V7 (DC).

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Jai Nitz (writer) & Sergio Aragonés (translation terrorist).

DISSECTION: God. Where to start? Let me say this: for a book with Hispanic characters as a star and most of the supporting cast, Blue Beetle has been surprisingly low on Spanish language mistakes. Until now. I initially cringed when they announced a special Spanish language issue, however, the high quality the book has displayed so far came to my mind, and trusted whoever would be writing it to find a good translator.

Then all my hopes were shattered when I saw the book cover and I found that they MADE UP A WORD!!! The cover reads "¡EL PARÁSITO DESTRAILLÓ!", and "destrailló" is not a real word. I'm familiar with many Spanish regional dialects from all over America, to varying degrees, and even with Spanish as spoken in Spain itself (by the way, the correct name of the language is actually "Castillian"); and I've even checked with other people, and in the Royal Spanish Language Academy Dictionary (which includes even the most outrageous regional slang you can imagine): this word does not exist. All the places I find it on the web are translations that seem to be done with translating software, which thought it was the Spanish word for "unleashed" (where "destraillar" would be "to unleash"). It's even spread to Wiktionary, where I just left a message in the discussion page to have it deleted.

(...)

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars; and I gave the other 57 language dissections an average of 7 Bazzars each. Oh, I just noticed... the writer's last name is "Nitz".... hehehe.
<-------------------------------->
Best Art Dissection:

It's nice to check Wikipedia every now and then:

A02-"CIDADE MARAVILHOSA... NOT!"" (The Dissector #84, 08/13/08)

COMMENT: Good god, it's not like you can't get photos from the web...

TITLE: Casey Blue: Beyond Tomorrow (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Carlo Barbieri (penciller).

DISSECTION: Establishing shot of Sao Paulo... THE CRISTO REDENTOR STATUE WHICH IS ACTUALLY IN RIO DE JANEIRO!!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Best Coloring Dissection:

Only one vote for other nominee; but you just don't mess up when coloring Superman's costume and get away with it:
<-------------------------------->
C01a-"OH NO HE DIDN'T!" (The Dissector #67, 03/27/08)

COMMENT: This one and the next are the same mistake, made two issues in a row, and it's outrageous. Just vote for C01 if you want this one to win.

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Santiago Arcas (colorist).

DISSECTION: Arcas incorrectly colors SUPERMAN'S CAPE SHIELD!!! He colors it as if it was the chest shield, blue and yellow

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Un-for-gi-va-ble.
<-------------------------------->
C01b-"WELL, IT'S JUST SUPERMAN, IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S GOT A CLASSIC, RECOGNIZABLE COSTUME." (The Dissector #72, 06/25/08)

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Santiago Arcas (colorist).

DISSECTION: Good God, Arcas! How can you work as a comic book colorist and not know that Superman's CAPE emblem is all yellow, not red and yellow like his chest one?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Best Lettering Dissection:

Joe denied any guilt on this one, but it's just very funny, and our first landslide:
L02-"WHERE'S WULVERINE AND NIGHTCRUWLER?" (The Dissector #61, 03/21/08)

COMMENT: This one is by far the funniest lettering error I've seen; coupled with the frilly font for such a macho character...

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 495.

CULPRIT: VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Pfft.... look below.


Hahahaha!!!! COLUSSUS!!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars
<-------------------------------->
Best Other Dissection:

This was so big, it had to get two awards:
<-------------------------------->
O03"SPANISHATION DESENCADENATED!" (The Dissector #73, 07/16/08)

COMMENT: This one was so big, that it had to be nominated for both categories.

TITLE: Blue Beetle V7 (DC).

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Jai Nitz (writer) & Sergio Aragonés (translation terrorist).

DISSECTION: God. Where to start? Let me say this: for a book with Hispanic characters as a star and most of the supporting cast, Blue Beetle has been surprisingly low on Spanish language mistakes. Until now. I initially cringed when they announced a special Spanish language issue, however, the high quality the book has displayed so far came to my mind, and trusted whoever would be writing it to find a good translator.

Then all my hopes were shattered when I saw the book cover and I found that they MADE UP A WORD!!! The cover reads "¡EL PARÁSITO DESTRAILLÓ!", and "destrailló" is not a real word. I'm familiar with many Spanish regional dialects from all over America, to varying degrees, and even with Spanish as spoken in Spain itself (by the way, the correct name of the language is actually "Castillian"); and I've even checked with other people, and in the Royal Spanish Language Academy Dictionary (which includes even the most outrageous regional slang you can imagine): this word does not exist. All the places I find it on the web are translations that seem to be done with translating software, which thought it was the Spanish word for "unleashed" (where "destraillar" would be "to unleash"). It's even spread to Wiktionary, where I just left a message in the discussion page to have it deleted.

(...)

What was the worse (or funniest, you decide) thing about this book? That when I got to the end of it, writer Nitz thanked Sergio Aragonés for "keeping it "verdadero""... Was Aragonés (who was born in Spain and grew up in Mexico) drunk? Pulling a prank on Nitz? Getting revenge for Nitz boinking his granddaughter? Because no one who actually knows Spanish would ever translate the issue as this one was... Complete and utter garbage; and the story isn't even up to Blue Beetle standards.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars; and I gave the other 57 language dissections an average of 7 Bazzars each. Oh, I just noticed... the writer's last name is "Nitz".... hehehe.
<-------------------------------->
Best Quote:

You gotta love gamemasters and their flavor text:
<-------------------------------->
Q05-"You are ejected from the sliding chute like phlegm from and old sailor's nostril." B.A. Felton, Knights Of The Dinner Table #135. (The Dissector #77, 07/24/08)
<-------------------------------->
Best Moment:

Simply brilliant:
M04-From The Dissector #75 (07/22/08), Norman Osborn again, in a brilliant scene that shows (in an admittedly cliched way, but brilliant nevertheless) how utterly insane he is:


<-------------------------------->
Now, for the special awards, those based solely on numbers, or on "special" merit.
<-------------------------------->
Company With Most Dissections: DC, with 684; followed by Marvel with 327. Yeah, Countdown To Final Crisis and its policy of "at least one fuck up per issue" helped a lot.
<-------------------------------->
Book With Most Dissections: Zorro (Dynamite), with 89 dissections, against Blue Beetle's 62 (with one issue making up the bulk of it.
<-------------------------------->
Most Dissected Writer: Matt Wagner (Zorro), with 63 dissections, followed closely by MaGnUs (The Dissector) with 58.
<-------------------------------->
Most Dissected Artist: Tom Derenick (Countdown To Final Crisis), with 13, followed by Freddie E. Williams II (The Flash), and others, with 8.
<-------------------------------->
Most Dissected Colorist: John Kalisz (Rann/Thanagar Holy War, others), with 14, followed by Tom Chu (Countdown To Final Crisis), with 11.
<-------------------------------->
Most Dissected Letterer: Simon Bowland (Zorro), with 55, followed by Cory Petit (Punisher, others) with 19.
<-------------------------------->
Most Dissected "Other": Sergio Aragonés (for Blue Beetle, as translation terrorist), with 58 dissections; followed b Jordan D. White (assistant editor at Marvel), with 20.
<-------------------------------->
Single Issue With Most Dissections: Blue Beetle V8 #26 (DC Comics), for the "all-Spanish" issue, it also takes home the "Golden Bonesaw Award" for catastrophic underachievement.
<-------------------------------->
Cyclone Fashion Award To The Most Mutable Costume: Una's costume (Countdown To Final Crisis).
<-------------------------------->
Worst Quote Of The Year: "Hurry the fuck up down there! Do I need to remind yeh this's an invasion? Like with pointy swords and people dying and shit?" Unnamed Saxxon commander in the 1100s, Northlanders #7.
<-------------------------------->
That's it for this year; I'll be on the outlook for more nominees, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #112.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"FOUL HOMUNCULUS. THY VERY EXISTENCE DOES INSULT TO THE TRUE GOD OF THUNDER." Thor, to Clor, Avengers: The Initiative #21.

With this column, we catch up... partially, as the month of January comes to an end. Granted, it was a "longer month", since the comics that should have been released one 08/12/31 came out on 09/01/02, adding a month to what are otherwise standard four-week months. The DT! from last column was cracked by DrSilent, who correctly spotted that Deathstroke's eyepatch was missing one of the strings holding it in place. Badge for you, Lieutenant. I still want to remind everyone that voting for the Autopsy Awards 2008 is open until the end of March.

Now, before the dissections, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book Of The Week goes to Star Wars: Legacy #32; best Star Wars book being published... enough connections to the original mythos to be likeable, enough removal to be original. And no Clone Wars era, that's always a bonus. Worst Book Of The Week is Legion Of Super-Heroes #50 *draws breath* IT FUCKING SUCKED! DC Comics cancels the book, fucks up Jim Shooter's storyline (by ending the storyline in a hurry, getting an editor to wreck it), and releases a book with a creative team that doesn't match what was promised. "Justin Thyme" writes the book, possibly because Shooter wanted nothing to do wit this travesty, and Francis Manapul is pulled out of the project to work on something else, turning the art chores over Ramon Bachs, who ought to have his hands chopped off... or perhaps, it's already happened, the way he draws...

Not only do his characters look hideous, but they also change designs inside the same issue. Actually, I've seen stuff by him before, and it wasn't bad... so this means that he either drew this issue in 15 minutes, while drunk; or that he paid his ten year old nephew to draw it for him. How does DC top this? By saying goodbye with a "We greatly appreciate the support of our loyal readers!" Yeah, that's why you fucked them over with this comic. Thanks!
<-------------------------------->
"THESE HERE IS ARE COMIC!"

TITLE: The 3 Geeks: Slab Madness! (3 Finger Prints).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Rich Koslowski (writer).

DISSECTION: One of the characters asks "Where'd we buy are books?" instead of "our books".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TACAÑANDO EL TAMAÑO."

TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).

ISSUE: 21.

CULPRIT: Christos N. Gage (writer) and/or VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Melee, who is Hispanic, uses the word "tacaños", "cheapskates", and as was to be expected, the "ñ" is smaller than it should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IF ME COLUMN WRITE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 111.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Snakebyte noted that I screwed up in a couple of senteces in the last column, for example, I wrote "Superman says that if he Ultraman touch", when I meant "Superman says that if he AND Ultraman touch".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Two badges for Snakebyte. By the way, I decided that the amount of badges required for each ranks were too low, so I readjusted them as follows:

High Admiral 131-infinite
Admiral 101-130
Rear Admiral 81-100
Vice Admiral 66-80
Commodore 51-65
Captain 41-50
Commander 26-40
Lieutenant Commander 16-25
Lieutenant 6-15
Ensign 1-5

Those who have less badges than what's now required for a rank will not lose their rank, but they will have to reach the amount necessary for the next rank in order to rise. For example, Snakebyte holds the rank of Vice Admiral, which before required 36 badges to reach, and now requires 66. Even though he only has 39 badges, he still retains his Vice Admiral rank, but he'll need to reach 81 to be Rear Admiral. As before, there is no way to reach the rank of Grand Admiral, which is reserved for me. Snake, nothing personal, but you were rising through the ranks too fast, and so were others, and I noticed that the increase in badge requirements had to be sharper as ranks got higher. These are the current ranks of the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps:

Grand Admiral MaGnUs
High Admiral Nysie (Honorary)
Vice Admiral Snakebyte 39
Cmdr. Dominik B. 23
Lt. Cmdr. Miss Kitty Fantastico 16
Lt. Cmdr. Guvnor 16
Lieutenant DrSilent 10
Lieutenant Sully 9
Lieutenant Snarf5181 6
Ensign Roy 5
Ensign Bea 3
Ensign Bored 3
Ensign Lucas Siegel 3
Ensign Tylo 2
Ensign Shadz 2
Ensign Mato 2
Ensign Matt Brady 1
Ensign Paul O'Brien 1
Ensign Trasgo 1
Ensign Mean Jeff 1
Ensign Ilustr8r 1
Ensign leahcim 1
Ensign TokerTheKid 1
Ensign Teukro 1
Ensign Wolfie 1
Ensign Jordan 1
Ensign Gary Greenwood 1
Ensign J. Corbin 5
<-------------------------------->
"PROTECTED ACCENTS."

TITLE: Fantastic Four V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 563.

CULPRIT: VC's Rus Wooton (letterer).

DISSECTION: The accented letters in the word "protégé" are smaller than the rest.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BEAR NAKED LADIES."

TITLE: Incredible Hercules (Marvel).

ISSUE: 125.

CULPRIT: Greg Pak & Fred Van Lente (writers).

DISSECTION: The word "bares" is used instead of "bears".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, Invisible Woman's hair is short on the cover, and long inside.
<-------------------------------->
"SMASH THE COLORS!"

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 23.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Atom Smasher's hair is colored brown, instead of red, as it should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CHANGE, AS FAST AS A GAZELLE RUNS."

TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 50.

CULPRIT: Ramon Bachs (penciller).

DISSECTION: Remember back in column #103, when I noted that Francis Manapul had radically changed Gazelle's design, from obviously alien, to slightly changed human (perhaps only cosmetically so)? Well, Bachs does one worse! Below, you can see in the upper left corner, Gazelle's first appearance in issue #37; and next to it, Manapul's rendition on issue #48. Then on the row below, Gazelle from the first pages of issue #50. Bach changes her hair, loses the markings on her face, and makes her features even more human (or what passes for human with Bach's art in this book). He also modifies her costume... but he doesn't stop there; because he even changes her appearance radically by the final pages of the book, and slightly in the same page:


My God, this is fucking outrageous! By the end of the book, she looks like a furry!!! Colorist JD Smith helps Bachs commit this crime, too.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MARVLS."

TITLE: Marvels: Eye Of The Camera (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Jay Anacleto (artist) or Richard Starkings & Comicraft (letterers).

DISSECTION: A newspaper says "retricts" instead of "restricts".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"COMIC IS THE MEDIUM READ."

TITLE: Ms. Marvel V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: Brian Reed (writer).

DISSECTION: The phrase "Choking is the poison ingested..." doesn't make much sense. It was probably meant to be "Choking as the poison is ingested..."

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NORTH LANDERS."

TITLE: Northlanders (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: The words "stress" and "of" are ran together in a caption box.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"REIGN IN CZARNIA."

TITLE: Reign In Hell (DC).

ISSUE: 07 of 08.

CULPRIT: Keith Giffen (writer).

DISSECTION: Black Alice absorbs Lobo's powers, but her power is to absorb magical abilities; and Lobo is not magical.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, what does the word "selvage" mean in the books context? Nothing that makes sense.
<-------------------------------->
"MALARKY."

TITLE: She-Hulk V2 (Marvel)

ISSUE: 37.

CULPRIT: Peter David (writer) and/or Dave Sharpe (letterer).

DISSECTION: Mallory Book is called "Malloy" in this issue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S IN YOUR HANDS."

TITLE: Star Wars: Legacy (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 32.

CULPRIT: Omar Francia (artist).

DISSECTION: Mon Calamari hands are not depicted as they have been in canon (Star Wars: The Clone Wars animated series), but I'll give Francia some leeway, since he probably drew this before the animated episode was aired, and nobody even told him about the new design.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PHANTOM POWERS."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 684.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: While law enforcement officers at Metropolis extract criminals from the Phantom Zone, the Parasite absorbs Mon-El's powers, even if for just a moment... you mean Superman didn't tell them to watch out for that?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"UMBROLLA ACADOMY."

TITLE: Umbrella Academy: Dallas (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Gerard Way (writer) and/or Blambot's Nate Piekos (letterer).

DISSECTION: I guess it should be "anomalies" instead of "anomolies".

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WONDER DISSECTION!"

TITLE: Wonder Woman V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 28.

CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer) and/or Steve Wands (letterer).

DISSECTION: Spot me this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Also, Wonder Girl's lasso and Vixen's Totem are missing.
<-------------------------------->
"X-FARCE."

TITLE: X-Force V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Craig Kyle & Christopher Yost (writers) and/or VC's Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: These kind of dissections are boring... "sacred" instead of "scared".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"COMPLEAT GUIDE TO PRONUNCIATION."

TITLE: Young X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Marc Guggenheim (writer).

DISSECTION: New character "Cipher" insists that her name is "Cipher" and not "Cypher"... while talking... both spellings of the word have the same pronounciation.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. I guess the writer meant to signify that Graymalkin (whose speech patterns are outdated) pronounces it the way the British spell it... but there's no difference in pronunciation, regardless of how you spell it. Also, Anole's regenerated arm is smaller than it should be.
<-------------------------------->
A more or less low average of 5.3 Bazzars in twenty-eight dissections... Now it's time for the Moments Of The Week. First up, Johnny Storm knows how to party:


Those are, obviously, not the real Storm and Scarlet Witch, but girls playing dress-up... good thing Johnny has his own apartment away from the rest of the FF, or else, this would be hard to explain to Franklin and Valeria Richards! Next up, and again from Fantastic Four, talk about engagement presents:


Thanks Black Panther! And for our grand finale, the New Avengers react to the Dark Avengers:


Priceless. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #111.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I can't believe I need to explain why it's a bad idea, but then again I can't believe you thought sewing your head onto a monkey's ass was a good one." Star Lord, to Gorillaman, Guardians Of The Galaxy V2 #9.

Okay, I'm back with the column for dissections for the week of 01/21; and before going on with the column, I want to urge you to vote for the Autopsy Awards 2008; I know I've been absent, so that's why I'm giving you time to vote until the end of March... that, and there's a couple of categories that are tied; and I don't want to break the ties by Deus Ex Machina.

Last column's DT! was cracked by J. Corbin; and it was the fact that John Stewart doesn't wear gloves as part of his GL uniform. Another badge for you, Ensign Corbin! The Dissector's Picks Of The Week were as follows: Best Book Of The Week was Guardians Of The Galaxy #9; good cosmic hero fun.... without being a cosmic drag. These are people. In space. I like that. Worst Book Of The Week was almost a tie between Final Crisis #7 and Final Crisis: Superman Beyond #2; but Final Crisis #7 takes the "prize" just because it was an immensely crappy ending to a really badly written story... Dissections, away!
<-------------------------------->
"I AM ÜNTERVELMED."

TITLE: Birds Of Prey V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 126.

CULPRIT: Swands (letterer).

DISSECTION: The "Ü" in Ünternet is smaller than the rest of the letters in one balloon, then a second time in the same page, it's the same size.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CAPTAIN AMERICA: THEATER OF WAR... DROBE CHANGES."

TITLE: Captain America Theater Of War: America The Beautiful (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Gary Erskine (artist).

DISSECTION: Captain America's costume is full of mistakes, he has the wrong shield; etc. I almost let this go as an alternate universe tale; but Marvel itself calls Theater Of War "a series chronicling the adventures that made Captain America the hero we know today", and it's not under any kind of banner like "Ultimate", "Mythos" or "Max", so I'll consider it 616. Erskine himself says that the design of Cap's costume was "a deliberate choice", but if it's a 616 story, his costume shouldn't have been changed at all.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars for the costuming errors as a single one, but although I can't consider it a dissection (because it seems made as a wink), I wouldn't be so lenient with Baron Zemo being among a gathering of heroes in a soldier's funeral. I wouldn't even qualify it as an easter egg... he's in plain sight, sitting between Colossus and Spider-Man. What I will consider dissections are the facts that She-Hulk is only slightly taller than the Black Cat, and Thor is about the same size as Daredevil and everybody else... Also, I just noticed but... in one page the heroes have one seating arrangement, and then in the next, there's a close-up on Reed Richards and Sue Storm... and the heroes behind them aren't the same ones as before; in fact, Iron Man is seated next behind them, when in the previous page he was about three meters away!!!
<-------------------------------->
"TH DISSECTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 110.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: J. Corbin spotted that last column I wrote "Vixen's not wearing he totem", when I meant "her totem". He wanted to give it just 1 Bazzar, so I'll go with that. And he gets another badge, two more and he reaches Lieutenant.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"DEATHSTROKE: THE DISSECTOR."

TITLE: Faces Of Evil: Deathstroke (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Georges Jeanty (penciller).

DISSECTION: This one is very simple:


DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CRISIS FINAL!"

TITLE: Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 07 of 07.

CULPRIT: Grant Morrison (writer).

DISSECTION: Again, Imán's Spanish is incorrect, though not as bad as before. Of course, this pales against the atrocity that is the actual script itself...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, the Green Lanterns complain about a 24-hours charge limit to their rings; which is no longer there. From #6, my friend Kal had told that in that issue, Barry Allen's chest emblem is reversed; and I forgot. J. Corbin reminded me, so a badge for both. There you go J., one more and you make Lieutenant.
<-------------------------------->
"BEYOND CRAP."

TITLE: Final Crisis: Superman Beyond (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 02.

CULPRIT: Grant Morrison (writer).

DISSECTION: Superman says that if he Ultraman touch, their matter and antimatter particles will annihilate each other... which is not true. Now, some people say this is not the same (or one of the several) Ultraman that has traded blows with Superman before... but I say this is just Grant Morrison's sloppy writing.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THAT'S NOT BARRY!"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 29.

CULPRIT: Pete Pantazis (colorist).

DISSECTION: Barry Allen's eyes are colored green, instead of blue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AND THAT'S NOT BARRY, EITHER."

TITLE: The Lone Ranger & Tonto (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Brent Matthews & Neil Turitz (writers) and/or Romulo Fajardo Jr. (colorist).

DISSECTION: Mercury-poisoned people don't have green glowing eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SENIOR CITIZEN."

TITLE: Moon Knight V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Mike Benson (writer).

DISSECTION: Every time there's a comic set in Mexico or some other Spanish speaking place, I shudder. In this case, among other things, Benson has a Mexican character call Mark Spector "senior", instead of "señor".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Joe Caramagna, letterer and friend of this column, alternates correctly sized Ñs with smaller ones.
<-------------------------------->
"MYSTERIUS: THE UNACCENTABLE."

TITLE: Mysterius: The Unfathomable (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Saida Temofonte (letterer).

DISSECTION: Several accented vowels are smaller than the rest of the letters.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MERELY A FLESH WOUND."

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 17.

CULPRIT: Tim Seeley (artist).

DISSECTION: Oy vey, I just read that there will be yet ANOTHER Exiles book... the good thing is that it will be written by Jeff Parker (Agents Of Atlas, etc). In this issue, Psylocke thinks "Sustain your focus, Betsy, keep the wounds closed.", yet there's no wounds visible on her. And her telekinesis is not fine-tuned enough to keep wounds closed without making a mess of them...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CLEAN START."

TITLE: Punisher: Frank Castle MAX (Marvel).

ISSUE: 66.

CULPRIT: Michel Lacombe (artist).

DISSECTION: A bare-chested Frank shows absolutely no old scars at all. Yes, he could have used some sort of miracle cure (magic, supertech, etc) to remove his scars, but I doubt it. Even if his scars disappeared during the time he was an angel (ugh), he'd still have a lot of them from the insanely huge amount of bullet hits and knife wounds he gets per story. Also, the Punisher's birthday is the same day as mine!

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN VULCAN YEARS, IT'S LONGER."

TITLE: Star Trek: Countdown (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Mike Johnson & Tim Jones (script) and/or Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman (plot).

DISSECTION: The trailers for the new Star Trek movie keep looking better and better, and the first two issues of this prequel book to the film are pretty good. The story starts in the present (for Star Trek continuity), some eight years after the last movie (Nemesis, 2379), namely in 2387. The only glaring mistake with the story is that Spock says that he's lived in Romulus for the past forty years; when he only moved there in the TNG episode Unification; which takes place in 2367, only twenty years earlier.

That said, writers Johnson and Jones craft a good story over the plot provided by movie scripters Orci and Kurtzman. That, coupled with the trailers I've seen, makes me thing the movie's gonna rock.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, the colorists gave Spock blue eyes instead of brown ones.
<-------------------------------->
"I KNOW HE'S FULL OF SHIT, BUT..."

TITLE: Thunderbolts (Marvel).

ISSUE: 128.

CULPRIT: Frank Martin (colorist).

DISSECTION: Norman Osborn's eyes are colored brown, instead of blue, as they should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IS HE LIKE NORMAN?"

TITLE: Trinity (DC).

ISSUE: 40.

CULPRIT: Pete Pantazis (colorist).

DISSECTION: Hawkman's eyes should be blue, not brown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ELECTRICITY, SOUND, WHATEVER..."

TITLE: X-Men: Kingbreaker (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Chris Yost (writer).

DISSECTION: A symbiote (a la Venom's) is said to be vulnerable to electricity, when symbiotes are vulnerable to fire and vibrations.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, it could be a variant species. There's also a small dialogue error, with a word missing when Lilandra tells Gladiator that Vulcan's way is not Shi'ar.
<-------------------------------->
"BUENOS AYRES, AUSTRALIA."

TITLE: X-Men: Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 220.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer) and/or Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: Professor Xavier mentions "Ayres Rock" instead of Ayers Rock. Also, I'm not counting it as a dissection. but the site has been renamed with its aboriginal designation, Uluru, years ago... I doubt a man as educated as Xavier would miss that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Well, a 6.2 Bazzars average in thirty two dissections, the usual. And now, Moments Of The Week Galore! First up, Ares' pick up methods are not that effective...


But they're funny. Then, Dr. Doom is not as nice as Tony Stark:


Fun homage. And speaking of Tony, what's Norman doing with his stuff now?


Yeah, that. Norman Osborn for President! Then, Hank Pym changes codenames and costumes... again.


Uh... More Avengers, this is a cheap shot:


But damn, it works! Then, a nice Trek moment:


Captain Data! It only took him a little under 50 years in Starfleet to reach that rank. Next, Ant-Man's new hideout:


Tricia Helfer's bosom!! I mean, Yelena Belova's. Coming up? Tiny Titan's lunch time!


Priceless... And finally, you know how DC's Faces Of Evil event, the villains "take over" the book, and for example, Lex Luthor's name replaces Superman's title on the comic cover. Well, look who's Vigilante's "Face Of Evil":


Scary... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector Special #05: Autopsy Awards 2008 Nominations.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

I got your Autopsy Awards nominees right here! The voting will be via e-mail, because that's what I prefer. Send your votes to lordmagnusen at gmail.com, in the following form (each nomination has a code): "W01, A03, C02..."

Some of the awards are not subject to vote, as they are given solely on a numeric basis (most Dissected company, etc), or specially awarded for extraordinary "merit". Of course, the text for each dissection is the original one from when they were published, but I've added new comments for all.

The last two categories are actually about positive things that a comic book company or creator would be proud to win... unlike the other categories. I'm talking about the "Best Quote" and Best Moment awards. Now, the nominees:
<-------------------------------->
Best Writing Dissection:

There's a lot of nominees for this category, because there were just too many atrocities committed.
<-------------------------------->
W01-"OUTSOURCING LANTERNS." (The Dissector #102, 01/02/09)

COMMENT: This seems minor, but it shows a deep lack of knowledge of the Green Lantern myths... something that might not be important if you're writing GL as part of a larger non-GL Corps team (like the JLA), but it's very important when Green Lantern is one of the two main characters in your story.

TITLE: The Brave And The Bold V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: David Hine (writer).

DISSECTION: Hal Jordan and the Phantom Stranger go to aid Orlan, Green Lantern of Space Sector... 3897?!?!?!?!? Hine, if you wanted to write Green Lantern, you should have done your homework... the Guardians divide the Galaxy into 3600 sectors...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
W02-"I AM NOT A CROOK... I'M A KILLER!" (The Dissector #96, 10/23/08)

COMMENT: This is just too much...

TITLE: Two-Face: Year One (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 02.

CULPRIT: Mark Sable (writer).

DISSECTION: There's several dissections, but the worse one is the fact that Two-Face continues in the run for Gotham City DA; but he can't, he's a wanted criminal. Wanted criminals cannot be candidates in elections.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
W03-"SPANISHATION DESENCADENATED!" (The Dissector #73, 07/16/08)

COMMENT: I'm so at a loss for words on this dissection, that I should just make up a word in English for it...

TITLE: Blue Beetle V7 (DC).

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Jai Nitz (writer) & Sergio Aragonés (translation terrorist).

DISSECTION: God. Where to start? Let me say this: for a book with Hispanic characters as a star and most of the supporting cast, Blue Beetle has been surprisingly low on Spanish language mistakes. Until now. I initially cringed when they announced a special Spanish language issue, however, the high quality the book has displayed so far came to my mind, and trusted whoever would be writing it to find a good translator.

Then all my hopes were shattered when I saw the book cover and I found that they MADE UP A WORD!!! The cover reads "¡EL PARÁSITO DESTRAILLÓ!", and "destrailló" is not a real word. I'm familiar with many Spanish regional dialects from all over America, to varying degrees, and even with Spanish as spoken in Spain itself (by the way, the correct name of the language is actually "Castillian"); and I've even checked with other people, and in the Royal Spanish Language Academy Dictionary (which includes even the most outrageous regional slang you can imagine): this word does not exist. All the places I find it on the web are translations that seem to be done with translating software, which thought it was the Spanish word for "unleashed" (where "destraillar" would be "to unleash"). It's even spread to Wiktionary, where I just left a message in the discussion page to have it deleted.

(...)

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars; and I gave the other 57 language dissections an average of 7 Bazzars each. Oh, I just noticed... the writer's last name is "Nitz".... hehehe.
<-------------------------------->
W04-"Y IS THIS A DISSECTION?" (The Dissector #73, 07/16/08)

TITLE: Y: The Last Man (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Brian K. Vaughan (writer).

DISSECTION: Last one, and also from the vault, 2002 in this case. What's wrong with this sentence from the prologue? "This "gendercide" instantaneously exterminated 48% of the global population, or approximately 29 billion men." Easy, innit?

NOTE: The answer was, of course, that you cannot kill 29 billion men, since there's roughly only over 6 billion people on Earth;

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
W05-"THE HELMETS ARE FEELING BLUE." (The Dissector #65, 03/24/08)

COMMENT: Another dissection that shows that you should write what you know... or read up before writing about something you're not familiar with.

TITLE: Teen Titans Year One (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Amy Wolfram (writer).

DISSECTION: The UN Headquarters in NYC have their own, civilian, security force; there's absolutely no deployment of "blue helmet" DPKO (Department Of Peacekeeping Operations) troops inside of it. Then why are DPKO troopers pointing assault rifles and other firearms at Wonder Woman?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
W06-"UUUH..." (The Dissector #55, 02/13/08)

COMMENT: This is such a dumb error that it's unbelievable.

TITLE: Countdown To Adventure (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 08 (and previous issues).

CULPRIT: Adam Beechen (writer).

DISSECTION: Starfire and Animal Man are using solar panels to reflect sunlight; solar panels, by definition, absorb solar energy.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
W07-"A MATTER OF GRAVITY." (The Dissector #50, 12/02/07)

COMMENTS: Sometimes, you can see why science fiction is so hard, and some writers forget the "science" part too often.

TITLE: X-Men: Emperor Vulcan (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Christopher Yost (writer).

DISSECTION: The Scy'ar Tal, an alien race from which the Shi'ar stole the M'Kraan crystal (in fact, their name used to be M'Kran) have a weapon with which they drop "baby stars" through Shi'ar stargates, and used it to destroy the planet Feather's Edge by dropping one into their orbit. Ooook.... using stars as ammo... I'll let that one pass... But in this issue the X-Men, Starjammers, and Shi'ar find the Scy'ar Tal's "ammo depot", and it's a "solar nursery", with "dozens of stars (...) all in one place"; and starships and space stations can just cruise around, without being pulled into a star or torn apart. Right-y-o.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, I don't care what your technology level is, these are STARS, and I'm pretty sure I've seen the Starjammer's ship being stopped by a tractor beam, so there's no way they could navigate through a maze of stars!
<-------------------------------->
Best Art Dissection:

Not as many nominees as with the writing dissections; but quite a few. Most are so outrageous you don't even need to actually see the images.
<-------------------------------->
A01-"RETCON TOKEN!" (The Dissector #95, 10/17/08)

COMMENT: This could be a retcon, but it's so unnecessary and blatant, that it's angering.

TITLE: Venom: Dark Origin (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Angel Medina (penciller).

DISSECTION: Well, this is a big one... so Eddie Brock divorces his wife in this issue. We've seen her in the past issues, and something didn't look right to me... Then I noticed it: Brock's wife (who was briefly She-Venom in a 90s book) was blonde, and white... and in this book she's black!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
A02-"CIDADE MARAVILHOSA... NOT!"" (The Dissector #84, 08/13/08)

COMMENT: Good god, it's not like you can't get photos from the web...

TITLE: Casey Blue: Beyond Tomorrow (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Carlo Barbieri (penciller).

DISSECTION: Establishing shot of Sao Paulo... THE CRISTO REDENTOR STATUE WHICH IS ACTUALLY IN RIO DE JANEIRO!!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
A03-"HEART TO HEART." (The Dissector #78, 07/26/08)

COMMENT: Anatomy is a very important thing you know when you're an artist...

TITLE: Astonishing X-Men Sketchbook Special (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Simone Bianchi (penciller).

DISSECTION: A sketch of Cyclops new costume shows an X emblem over the right side of his chest, and a notation that the "X on his heart..." Uhm, Simone, the human heart is to the left of your chest.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
A04-"WORFZILLA." (The Dissector #68, 04/07/08)

COMMENT: Klingons are not gigantic...

TITLE: Star Trek: The Next Generation: Intelligence Gathering (IDW).

ISSUE: 03 of 05

CULPRIT: David Messina (artist).

DISSECTION: This was the best issue so far of the IDW TNG comics; even the art was better... but that's probably because apart from David Messina on the art, Gianluigi Gregorini is credited as "art assist"... Still, Messina still draws Worf in a scene as if he was three times larger than a human being. Psst, Dave... he's a Klingon, not the Hulk...

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
A05-"IT'S A BFG!" (The Dissector #65, 03/24/08)

TITLE: Teen Titans Year One (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Amy Wolfram (writer).

DISSECTION: Look at the picture below, and you'll see that Kerschl not only neglected to correctly represent the famous sculpture called "Non-Violence" (part of the UN art collection at its headquarters in NYC, and usually called "Knotted Gun"), but he also decided (perhaps writer Amy Wolfram too) to make it gigantic, just so Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl could stand on it and look down at normal people. Not only did they enlarge it; they couldn't even get the shape of the base well, and numerous other details in the sculpture itself.


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
A06-"ANYONE HERE SPEAK FRENCH? OR KRAUT?" (The Dissector #58, 02/28/08)

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Eric Trautmann (penciller).

DISSECTION: If (a) Marquis was wanted by the Gestapo, why is the poster in English, instead of French (or even German)?

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Best Coloring Dissection:

There's one that's bound to win this category with a landslide...
<-------------------------------->
C01a-"OH NO HE DIDN'T!" (The Dissector #67, 03/27/08)

COMMENT: This one and the next are the same mistake, made two issues in a row, and it's outrageous. Just vote for C01 if you want this one to win.

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Santiago Arcas (colorist).

DISSECTION: Arcas incorrectly colors SUPERMAN'S CAPE SHIELD!!! He colors it as if it was the chest shield, blue and yellow

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Un-for-gi-va-ble.
<-------------------------------->
C01b-"WELL, IT'S JUST SUPERMAN, IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S GOT A CLASSIC, RECOGNIZABLE COSTUME." (The Dissector #72, 06/25/08)

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Santiago Arcas (colorist).

DISSECTION: Good God, Arcas! How can you work as a comic book colorist and not know that Superman's CAPE emblem is all yellow, not red and yellow like his chest one?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
C02-"FASHION EMERGENCY." (The Dissector #102, 01/02/09)

COMMENTS: This one's weak, but I wanted at least four nominees.

TITLE: The Brave And The Bold V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Brian Reber (colorist).

DISSECTION: Reber gives Hal Jordan white boots... ew...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
C03-"YOUNG AND UNTANNED..." (The Dissector #102, 01/02/09)

COMMENTS: The whole point of the "All-New" X-Men and the New Mutants after them was the multiethnic origins of the characters; now if you were South American, African, Native American or whatever origin you had, you had a character to "look up to"...

TITLE: Young X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: José Villarubia (colorist).

DISSECTION: Apart from mistakes in a Spanish name by the writer; Villarubia colors Dani Moonstar (a Native American) and Sunspot (mixed race Brazilian) as having Caucasian skin colors, exactly the same between them, and as Cyclops... To top that, he colors their eyes a very light blue, when they both have brown eyes; and a light blue for Dust, who also has brown eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Come on, coupled with artist Rafa Sandoval making Sunspot seem almost Asian, you can't even tell which characters they're supposed to be unless they tell you...
<-------------------------------->
C04-"SEE! IT'S NOT EVEN THE SAME GUY ONE MOMENT TO THE OTHER!" (The Dissector #107, 01/14/09)

COMMENTS: It's important to know a character's design before working with him.

TITLE: Countdown: Arena (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Guy Major (colorist).

DISSECTION: Major manages to color Monarch's eyes (incorrectly drawn by McDaniel, see above) blue in one panel, and brown two panels down.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Best Lettering Dissection:

This category is harder than others, because a lettering error has got to be completely outrageous to be nominated.
<-------------------------------->
L01-"GOOD GOING, HELENA." (The Dissector #106, 01/13/09)

COMMENTS: Switched speech balloons make for funny or awkward situations sometimes.

TITLE: DC Universe Holiday Special (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer, Huntress story).

DISSECTION: Speech balloons get switched around, making the Huntress ask if a community service program run by herself is "Some sort of retarded helping program or something..."

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
L02-"WHERE'S WULVERINE AND NIGHTCRUWLER?" (The Dissector #61, 03/21/08)

COMMENT: This one is by far the funniest lettering error I've seen; coupled with the frilly font for such a macho character...

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 495.

CULPRIT: VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Pfft.... look below.


Hahahaha!!!! COLUSSUS!!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars
<-------------------------------->
L03-"TAROT, MISTRESS OF THE MEESTEEKL ARTS!" (The Dissector #51, 12/11/07)

COMMENT: Marshal... pft! I admit, this is probably an initial error on the writer's part, but the letterer should catch it. ("Magick" is not part of the error, by the way.)

TITLE: Tarot: Witch Of The Black Rose (BroadSword Comics).

ISSUE: 47.

CULPRIT: Holly Golightly (letterer).

DISSECTION: In page 20, panel one, a witch fights evil with "magick" (you see what I meant about pretentiousness?) and "marshal" art moves. "Marshal"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
L04-"TXTING NORSEMEN." (The Dissector #82, 08/11/08)

COMMENT: Very simple typos, but the end effect was funny.

TITLE: Northlanders (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Brian Wood (writer) and/or Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: So, in the 1100s you "plnt" your feet to defend your "communinty"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
Best Other Dissection:

A hard category, because again, things have to be very blatant, and not even trying hard was I able to find more than three worthy nominees.
<-------------------------------->
O01-"GUARDIANES DE LA GALAXIA! CON: MARTINEZ, PEREZ, ALVAREZ Y BORGES!" (The Dissector #104 (01/08/09)

COMMENT: Like I say in the dissection itself, it's only fair I come down on Spanish translators as hard as I do on English-speaking writers.

TITLE: Guardianes De La Galaxia (Forum/Marvel, translating Guardians Of The Galaxy V1).

ISSUE: 09 and 12 (same numbering as in US edition).

CULPRIT: Xavi Marturet (translator).

DISSECTION: With not enough dissections in this week to fill the requisite minimum of ten per column; I once more went to my Vault. I found some little gems I had stowed away, to show how it's not just English speaking writers who mess up other languages. One day, I'll write an article on the atrocities that are committed when translating comics to Spanish.

(...) in the middle of an issue, someone refers to the "Belt asteroid" ("asteroide Belt" in Spanish); making it obvious that the translator didn't know what an asteroid belt was. The funniest thing is, that when I went to Google what was Xavi Marturet up to know (his actual name is Javier Marturet); he had blogged about a Final Fantasy fan music video with an Evanescence song. He translated the lyrics to the song himself, and posted them along with the video, because (according to himself) "you don't wanna know the stinkers that pass for translations on the internet, they're horrible". The lyrics translation looks okay, but I hope he's learned what an asteroid belt was in these past 15 years.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars (...). I usually give wrong uses of the Spanish language (or other languages) in English comics 6 or 7; in this case I gave it a higher rating because those are uses of foreign languages to give certain scenes or characters a "flavor"; while what Marturet was doing was translating comics in their entirety to another language, for people to read and understand them, and he didn't even know what an "asteroid belt" was (heck, he couldn't even translate the word "belt" literally)...
<-------------------------------->
O02-"NEXT, IN A COMPLETELY UNRELATED COMIC!" (The Dissector #85 (08/18/08)

COMMENT: When you hype the next issue of a book, you might want to hype your own book... That very same week, and for another book, the same editors had the "Hot List This Week" and the DC Nation column from the week before.

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 23.

CULPRIT: Adam Schlagman (assistant editor) and Eddie Berganza (editor).

DISSECTION: Not a good week for Adam and Eddie when the last page of books is concerned. The legal indicia and "Next in..." at the end of the book are for Superman #678...

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
O03"SPANISHATION DESENCADENATED!" (The Dissector #73, 07/16/08)

COMMENT: This one was so big, that it had to be nominated for both categories.

TITLE: Blue Beetle V7 (DC).

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Jai Nitz (writer) & Sergio Aragonés (translation terrorist).

DISSECTION: God. Where to start? Let me say this: for a book with Hispanic characters as a star and most of the supporting cast, Blue Beetle has been surprisingly low on Spanish language mistakes. Until now. I initially cringed when they announced a special Spanish language issue, however, the high quality the book has displayed so far came to my mind, and trusted whoever would be writing it to find a good translator.

Then all my hopes were shattered when I saw the book cover and I found that they MADE UP A WORD!!! The cover reads "¡EL PARÁSITO DESTRAILLÓ!", and "destrailló" is not a real word. I'm familiar with many Spanish regional dialects from all over America, to varying degrees, and even with Spanish as spoken in Spain itself (by the way, the correct name of the language is actually "Castillian"); and I've even checked with other people, and in the Royal Spanish Language Academy Dictionary (which includes even the most outrageous regional slang you can imagine): this word does not exist. All the places I find it on the web are translations that seem to be done with translating software, which thought it was the Spanish word for "unleashed" (where "destraillar" would be "to unleash"). It's even spread to Wiktionary, where I just left a message in the discussion page to have it deleted.

(...)

What was the worse (or funniest, you decide) thing about this book? That when I got to the end of it, writer Nitz thanked Sergio Aragonés for "keeping it "verdadero""... Was Aragonés (who was born in Spain and grew up in Mexico) drunk? Pulling a prank on Nitz? Getting revenge for Nitz boinking his granddaughter? Because no one who actually knows Spanish would ever translate the issue as this one was... Complete and utter garbage; and the story isn't even up to Blue Beetle standards.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars; and I gave the other 57 language dissections an average of 7 Bazzars each. Oh, I just noticed... the writer's last name is "Nitz".... hehehe.
<-------------------------------->
O04"WELL, IT STARTS WITH "DYNAM", SO WE GOT HALF RIGHT, DIDN'T WE?" (The Dissector #88, 09/23/08)

COMMENT: This was just sloppy... They've since fixed it, but they never even answered my e-mail... ungrateful sods...

TITLE: Zorro Website (Zorro Productions, Inc.).

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Unknown.

DISSECTION: Zorro Productions, Inc., thinks that it's Dynamic Forces that's making the comic, instead of Dynamite Entertainment. I've e-mailed both companies (Zorro and Dynamite), to let them know.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Best Quote:

Those quotes that make you laugh, or go "wow, that's cool"... there where quite a few to choose from, but here are the very best... according tome, of course.
<-------------------------------->
Q01-"Yes. I am Tesla and you are all Edison. Which means I'll die penniless & alone in a hotel room while obsessively counting my pubes." Warren Ellis, Backmater, Doktor Sleepless #10. (The Dissector #106, 01/13/09)
<-------------------------------->
Q02-"I. Am. The. New. God. All is one in Darkseid. This mighty body is my church. When I command your surrender, I speak with three billion voices... When I make a fist to crush your resistance. IT IS WITH THREE BILLION HANDS! When I stare into your eyes and shatter your dreams. And break your heart. IT IS WITH SIX BILLION EYES! NOTHING LIKE DARKSEID HAS EVER COME AMONG YOU: NOTHING WILL AGAIN. I WILL TAKE YOU TO A HELL WITHOUT EXIT OR END. AND THERE I WILL MURDER YOUR SOULS! AND MAKE YOU CRAWL AND BEG! AND DIE! DIE! DIE FOR DARKSEID!" Darkseid and his choir of thralls, Final Crisis #5 (The Dissector #105, 01/09/09)
<-------------------------------->
Q03-"You have to get out of here! Your vagina is haunted!" Jon Webb, Tarot: Witch Of The Black Rose #53. (The Dissector #103, 01/07/09)
<-------------------------------->
Q04-"And Chas, no pressure or nothing, but if I and when I ever get back to London, I'm fully expecting to find the same shit-hole that was there when I left-- and not a pile of smoldering ruins, okay?" John Constantine, Hellblazer Presents: Chas-The Knowledge #5. (The Dissector #100, 12/03/08)
<-------------------------------->
Q05-"You are ejected from the sliding chute like phlegm from and old sailor's nostril." B.A. Felton, Knights Of The Dinner Table #135. (The Dissector #77, 07/24/08)
<-------------------------------->
Q06-"We're going to burn it all down. Because this is not the future we were promised. And if we can't have that, then we shouldn't have anything at all." Doktor Sleepless, Doktor Sleepless #6. (The Dissector #70, 05/08/08)
<-------------------------------->
Q07-"Sweetie, I'll make soup with your knickers!" Random gang-banger, Andrea D #1. (The Dissector #60, 03/10/08)
<-------------------------------->
Q08-"Come on, everybody! There's got to be an abandoned playing card factory around here somewhere." Joker leading his half of the prisoners of the penal planet, Salvation Run #3. (The Dissector #57, 02/26/08)
<-------------------------------->
Best Moment:

Moments that leave you speechless, or busting your gut with laughter. Hard to choose just one...
<-------------------------------->
M01-From The Dissector #94 (10/14/08), Norman Osborn makes good use of public exposure, and then, in private, shows us his plans. NORMAN OSBORN FOR PRESIDENT!



M02-From The Dissector #93 (10/7/08), John Constantine shows us what a white Christmas really means (BTW, that thing he snorts are powdered St. Nicholas' bones...):



M03-From The Dissector #87 (09/16/08), Gordo Sheckberry shows that you can join in on paintball wars even while wheelchair-bound... and with style! Also, this moment is the spark that lights the fuse on B.A.'s involvement in the war:



M04-From The Dissector #75 (07/22/08), Norman Osborn again, in a brilliant scene that shows (in an admittedly cliched way, but brilliant nevertheless) how utterly insane he is:



M05-From The Dissector #73 (07/16/08), the return of Barry Allen!


M06-From The Dissector #69 (04/9/08), a Legion Of Super-Heroes multi-page sappy moment that is, nonetheless, great:



<-------------------------------->
There you are; I’ll keep voting open for two weeks, or possibly a month, if not enough votes come in the first two weeks. Vote, it is your right, so says…

THE DISSECTOR!