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[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"I can't believe I need to explain why it's a bad idea, but then again I can't believe you thought sewing your head onto a monkey's ass was a good one." Star Lord, to Gorillaman, Guardians Of The Galaxy V2 #9.
Okay, I'm back with the column for dissections for the week of 01/21; and before going on with the column, I want to urge you to vote for the Autopsy Awards 2008; I know I've been absent, so that's why I'm giving you time to vote until the end of March... that, and there's a couple of categories that are tied; and I don't want to break the ties by Deus Ex Machina.
Last column's DT! was cracked by J. Corbin; and it was the fact that John Stewart doesn't wear gloves as part of his GL uniform. Another badge for you, Ensign Corbin! The Dissector's Picks Of The Week were as follows: Best Book Of The Week was Guardians Of The Galaxy #9; good cosmic hero fun.... without being a cosmic drag. These are people. In space. I like that. Worst Book Of The Week was almost a tie between Final Crisis #7 and Final Crisis: Superman Beyond #2; but Final Crisis #7 takes the "prize" just because it was an immensely crappy ending to a really badly written story... Dissections, away!
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"I AM ÜNTERVELMED."
TITLE: Birds Of Prey V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 126.
CULPRIT: Swands (letterer).
DISSECTION: The "Ü" in Ünternet is smaller than the rest of the letters in one balloon, then a second time in the same page, it's the same size.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"CAPTAIN AMERICA: THEATER OF WAR... DROBE CHANGES."
TITLE: Captain America Theater Of War: America The Beautiful (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Gary Erskine (artist).
DISSECTION: Captain America's costume is full of mistakes, he has the wrong shield; etc. I almost let this go as an alternate universe tale; but Marvel itself calls Theater Of War "a series chronicling the adventures that made Captain America the hero we know today", and it's not under any kind of banner like "Ultimate", "Mythos" or "Max", so I'll consider it 616. Erskine himself says that the design of Cap's costume was "a deliberate choice", but if it's a 616 story, his costume shouldn't have been changed at all.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars for the costuming errors as a single one, but although I can't consider it a dissection (because it seems made as a wink), I wouldn't be so lenient with Baron Zemo being among a gathering of heroes in a soldier's funeral. I wouldn't even qualify it as an easter egg... he's in plain sight, sitting between Colossus and Spider-Man. What I will consider dissections are the facts that She-Hulk is only slightly taller than the Black Cat, and Thor is about the same size as Daredevil and everybody else... Also, I just noticed but... in one page the heroes have one seating arrangement, and then in the next, there's a close-up on Reed Richards and Sue Storm... and the heroes behind them aren't the same ones as before; in fact, Iron Man is seated next behind them, when in the previous page he was about three meters away!!!
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"TH DISSECTOR."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 110.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: J. Corbin spotted that last column I wrote "Vixen's not wearing he totem", when I meant "her totem". He wanted to give it just 1 Bazzar, so I'll go with that. And he gets another badge, two more and he reaches Lieutenant.
DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
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"DEATHSTROKE: THE DISSECTOR."
TITLE: Faces Of Evil: Deathstroke (DC).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Georges Jeanty (penciller).
DISSECTION: This one is very simple:
DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"CRISIS FINAL!"
TITLE: Final Crisis (DC).
ISSUE: 07 of 07.
CULPRIT: Grant Morrison (writer).
DISSECTION: Again, Imán's Spanish is incorrect, though not as bad as before. Of course, this pales against the atrocity that is the actual script itself...
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, the Green Lanterns complain about a 24-hours charge limit to their rings; which is no longer there. From #6, my friend Kal had told that in that issue, Barry Allen's chest emblem is reversed; and I forgot. J. Corbin reminded me, so a badge for both. There you go J., one more and you make Lieutenant.
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"BEYOND CRAP."
TITLE: Final Crisis: Superman Beyond (DC).
ISSUE: 02 of 02.
CULPRIT: Grant Morrison (writer).
DISSECTION: Superman says that if he Ultraman touch, their matter and antimatter particles will annihilate each other... which is not true. Now, some people say this is not the same (or one of the several) Ultraman that has traded blows with Superman before... but I say this is just Grant Morrison's sloppy writing.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"THAT'S NOT BARRY!"
TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 29.
CULPRIT: Pete Pantazis (colorist).
DISSECTION: Barry Allen's eyes are colored green, instead of blue.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"AND THAT'S NOT BARRY, EITHER."
TITLE: The Lone Ranger & Tonto (Dynamite).
ISSUE: 02.
CULPRIT: Brent Matthews & Neil Turitz (writers) and/or Romulo Fajardo Jr. (colorist).
DISSECTION: Mercury-poisoned people don't have green glowing eyes.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"SENIOR CITIZEN."
TITLE: Moon Knight V5 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 26.
CULPRIT: Mike Benson (writer).
DISSECTION: Every time there's a comic set in Mexico or some other Spanish speaking place, I shudder. In this case, among other things, Benson has a Mexican character call Mark Spector "senior", instead of "señor".
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Joe Caramagna, letterer and friend of this column, alternates correctly sized Ñs with smaller ones.
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"MYSTERIUS: THE UNACCENTABLE."
TITLE: Mysterius: The Unfathomable (DC/Wildstorm).
ISSUE: 01 of 06.
CULPRIT: Saida Temofonte (letterer).
DISSECTION: Several accented vowels are smaller than the rest of the letters.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"MERELY A FLESH WOUND."
TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).
ISSUE: 17.
CULPRIT: Tim Seeley (artist).
DISSECTION: Oy vey, I just read that there will be yet ANOTHER Exiles book... the good thing is that it will be written by Jeff Parker (Agents Of Atlas, etc). In this issue, Psylocke thinks "Sustain your focus, Betsy, keep the wounds closed.", yet there's no wounds visible on her. And her telekinesis is not fine-tuned enough to keep wounds closed without making a mess of them...
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"CLEAN START."
TITLE: Punisher: Frank Castle MAX (Marvel).
ISSUE: 66.
CULPRIT: Michel Lacombe (artist).
DISSECTION: A bare-chested Frank shows absolutely no old scars at all. Yes, he could have used some sort of miracle cure (magic, supertech, etc) to remove his scars, but I doubt it. Even if his scars disappeared during the time he was an angel (ugh), he'd still have a lot of them from the insanely huge amount of bullet hits and knife wounds he gets per story. Also,
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"IN VULCAN YEARS, IT'S LONGER."
TITLE: Star Trek: Countdown (IDW).
ISSUE: 01 of 04.
CULPRIT: Mike Johnson & Tim Jones (script) and/or Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman (plot).
DISSECTION: The trailers for the new Star Trek movie keep looking better and better, and the first two issues of this prequel book to the film are pretty good. The story starts in the present (for Star Trek continuity), some eight years after the last movie (Nemesis, 2379), namely in 2387. The only glaring mistake with the story is that Spock says that he's lived in Romulus for the past forty years; when he only moved there in the TNG episode Unification; which takes place in 2367, only twenty years earlier.
That said, writers Johnson and Jones craft a good story over the plot provided by movie scripters Orci and Kurtzman. That, coupled with the trailers I've seen, makes me thing the movie's gonna rock.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, the colorists gave Spock blue eyes instead of brown ones.
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"I KNOW HE'S FULL OF SHIT, BUT..."
TITLE: Thunderbolts (Marvel).
ISSUE: 128.
CULPRIT: Frank Martin (colorist).
DISSECTION: Norman Osborn's eyes are colored brown, instead of blue, as they should be.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"IS HE LIKE NORMAN?"
TITLE: Trinity (DC).
ISSUE: 40.
CULPRIT: Pete Pantazis (colorist).
DISSECTION: Hawkman's eyes should be blue, not brown.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"ELECTRICITY, SOUND, WHATEVER..."
TITLE: X-Men: Kingbreaker (Marvel).
ISSUE: 02 of 04.
CULPRIT:
DISSECTION: A symbiote (a la Venom's) is said to be vulnerable to electricity, when symbiotes are vulnerable to fire and vibrations.
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, it could be a variant species. There's also a small dialogue error, with a word missing when Lilandra tells Gladiator that Vulcan's way is not Shi'ar.
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"BUENOS AYRES, AUSTRALIA."
TITLE: X-Men: Legacy (Marvel).
ISSUE: 220.
CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer) and/or Cory Petit (letterer).
DISSECTION: Professor Xavier mentions "Ayres Rock" instead of Ayers Rock. Also, I'm not counting it as a dissection. but the site has been renamed with its aboriginal designation, Uluru, years ago... I doubt a man as educated as Xavier would miss that.
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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Well, a 6.2 Bazzars average in thirty two dissections, the usual. And now, Moments Of The Week Galore! First up, Ares' pick up methods are not that effective...
But they're funny. Then, Dr. Doom is not as nice as Tony Stark:
Fun homage. And speaking of Tony, what's Norman doing with his stuff now?
Yeah, that. Norman Osborn for President! Then, Hank Pym changes codenames and costumes... again.
Uh... More Avengers, this is a cheap shot:
But damn, it works! Then, a nice Trek moment:
Captain Data! It only took him a little under 50 years in Starfleet to reach that rank. Next, Ant-Man's new hideout:
Tricia Helfer's bosom!! I mean, Yelena Belova's. Coming up? Tiny Titan's lunch time!
Priceless... And finally, you know how DC's Faces Of Evil event, the villains "take over" the book, and for example, Lex Luthor's name replaces Superman's title on the comic cover. Well, look who's Vigilante's "Face Of Evil":
Scary... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
3 comments:
For Dissect This, the guy's eyepatch isn't connected to the left hand side (as we look at it) of his head.
It'd just be hanging off unless he super-glued it to his face.
Yeah, that's it, but somebody guessed it already over at the ICS. :P
Comments originally posted on ICS.net, right after the column was posted:
DrSilent: Hmm... Penciller forgot to draw the second string holding the eyepatch in place?
Martín "MaGnUs" Pérez: Bingo! Badge for you.
Brett P.: I love Hercules' pose. Someone give that god a guitar.
Nick S.: "Superman says that if he Ultraman touch, "
XD.
Also, verifying that the Theater of War books are indeed set in 616's past. And (thought I don't have the things in front of me, so this may not be relevant at all) keep in mind that Cap did wear his current (err... You know what I mean) costume later on in his WWII-adventures.
Also:
"TITLE: Punisher: Frank Castle MAX (Marvel)."
This is just me being nitpicky to the extreme, and I don't care if you count it for anything or not, but the title is 'Punisher: Frank Castle' and it is in the MAX imprint. We don't call the Namor mini 'Sub-Mariner: The Depths: Marvel Knights' now, do we?
"And her telekinesis is not fine-tuned enough to keep wounds closed without making a mess of them..."
Oh God, not this again... XD. I'd have to check, as I haven't bothered to read the majority of New Exiles for obvious reasons (though I am onboard for Exiles v2), but I think Betsy solved the fine motor TK issues quite a while back, no? I know she didn't have that control on X-Treme X-Men, but I think it's been solved since. Molecule-thick blade and all. Also, while I'm there, "yet there's no wounds visible on her. " There ARE no wounds, there is no wound... Pick one. You were looking for 'there're'
And again, just making conversation, "Also, I'm not counting it as a dissection. but the site has been renamed with its aboriginal designation, Uluru, years ago... I doubt a man as educated as Xavier would miss that." Yes, but (if I recall correctly, again, don't have it open) he was talking to Gambit, no? Gambit, who wouldn't know it was called Uluru...
'till next time. :D
Martín "MaGnUs" Pérez: Brett: Hehe, yeah. Guitar Hero!
Nick: Yeah, I fuxored up on that Superman/Ultraman line. As for TOW, all I can find points that they're set in 616 past, right up to Commie Smasher Cap from the Chaykin issue. I know what costume Captain America (Steve) wore and when, it still doesn't match (wearing mask separate from the rest of the costume and the original shield well into the invasion of Europe by the allies, for example, when he'd switched already).
On the Punisher issue, I usually call books by what they're called in the indicia, and that's what this book is called there, and on Marvel's website. Betsy's powers refined or not, she doesn't have Rachel or Jean level of control to keep wounds closed, never had even at her best. Yes, I made a mistake with the "there's"... and Gambit is not an idiot, even if he's not Chuck. And there's no reason not to say "Uluru... what used to be known as Ayers Rock", if you want to be correct. I expect more of Xavier. :)
Nick S.: Oh wow, is that really on the indicia? My mistake: You're not an idiot, Marvel is.
Martín "MaGnUs" Pérez: Don't be so hasty, I might still be an idiot. What I am, however, is thorough.
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