The Dissector #191.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I wear pants because it's the law." Atomic Robo, Atomic Robo & The Deadly Art Of Science #2.

Second-to-last column of the year? Maybe! This is for books released on 12/15, and I might be able to finish the column for 12/22 books in time before the end of the year, but there's no way I can read all 12/29 books in time, much less write that column... but it should be out by the end of next week, and after that I'll post the Autopsy Award nominations. Speaking of Autopsy Awards, remember you can make nominations (copy/paste from a previous column:

"As you might now (and if you don't, you can read the first, second, and third editions of the awards), some awards are selected by reader votes from several nominations I select from the year's columns; such as Best Writing Dissection, Best Art Dissection, Best Quote, or Best Cover. Then there are awards that are given based solely on number of dissections, like Company With Most Dissections, Most Dissected Writer, or Single Issue With Most Dissections.

But there are also special awards, given for specific circumstances, for merit or lack of it. For example, I will probably select myself things like Breakout Book Of The Year, or Best Character Of The Year; but I will accept suggestions for awards that I might not think of myself; or even within categories used in previous years. For example, in the first awards, Cyclone (from the JSA) won an award for not having her costume depicted correctly in any of her appearances after her first one. That award has gone one to be called the "Cyclone Fashion Award To The Most Mutable Costume", and was won by Una in the second edition of the awards, and was expanded in the following edition to cover any character alteration, going to Norman Osborn's eyes, for changing contacts all the time (basically EVERY Marvel book during Secret Invasion and Dark Reign).

Then, within the same special awards, we have stuff like the "Creator That I'm Sorry I Have To Dissect Award", for people whose sheer volume of work makes it likely they slip up and I notice it, but they obviously very much care about their work, and on top of that, are nice people. Or the "Bloody Stumps With Blunt Crayolas Award", for underachievement in art; or the "Worst Character Depiction Although You Obviously Have Talent Award" for instances in which it's readily noticeable that an artist has a lot of talent, but (for example) decides to make Beast look like a humanoid goat, for example. And finally, there's the "Golden Bonesaw Award", for catastrophic underachievement, taken home in 2007 by Marvel for the many shapes of Beast, in 2008 by the Blue Beetle issue in Spanish, and in 2009 by IDW and their Zorro book for their year-long raping of the Spanish language. I will probably choose this one myself, but I welcome suggestions too."

Back to this column, last column's DT wasn't cracked. JohnnyDoe got close by saying that they have "Cerebro" and not "Cerebra", but that wasn't quite it. The X-Men's mutant locator has been called "Cerebra" for quite a while, but if Rogue wanted to refer to it, she shouldn't say "the original", because the original was "Cerebro". It's like saying "we've got the original New Coke"... Yes, it's a nuance... it's semantically correct, since they do have the first "Cerebra", but the original machine that fulfills that role is "Cerebro", and therefore, the only one that should be called "original".

Now, look at this very nice variant cover from Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #513, by Francesco Francavilla... very Kirby meets Frank Miller. Speaking of The Dissector's Picks Of The Week, Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #513 is Best Book Of The Week. While I don't agree with characters taking over the numbering of someone else's books (like Hercules taking over Incredible Hulk, or this, with Black Panther taking over Daredevil... are these issues going to count toward Daredevil's #600 issue?), I must admit that this was a great start for this run. David Liss, who has very little in the way of comic book credits (a Phantom Reporter special for Marvel's 70th anniversary line, and this very comic), has a considerable body of work in prose fiction, mostly historical-mystery novels... but he manages to make this "set-up issue" as enjoyable as any comic book pro's "full gear" run. Yes, his villain is kind of stereotypical, but this is a superhero comic, what do you expect? Add Francesco Francavilla's pulp-style art (pencils, inks, and colors), and you get a mixture of explosive Jack Kirby action and noir Frank Miller ambience... which is what you'd expect from a book where the Black Panther takes over Daredevil's job as protector of Hell's Kitchen. Go read it. Worst Book Of The Week was Superman #706... as much as G. Willow Wilson impressed me with "Air", her Superman issues are worthless. Stilted dialogue and mischaracterization make for bad stories... Perry White completely out of touch with the internet? Doubtful. Superman saying that he's "scared by the internet"? What?!? Add mediocre art by Amilcar Pinna and oddly phosphorescent colors by Rod Reis (who usually does good work), and you get a very bad comic which gives credence to those who say that Superman comics are boring and unattractive.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (why doesn't Peter show any wounds from his fight with Hobgoblin, only seconds after, and an accented letter), Batman (Riddler's hair should be black, Enigma's eyes should be blue), Black Panther: The Man Without Fear (bad Romanian dialogue, accented letter), Brightest Day (Mera shouldn't have flipper feet), Captain America: Man Out of Time (Rick Jones was recently shown to be a hacker and anti-authority paranoid, why does he not know what an APB is?), Green Lantern/Plastic Man: Weapons Of Mass Deception (numerous costume design and other errors), Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (Kilowog and Guy get incorrect badges), I Am An Avenger (inconsistent credit lettering), New Mutants Forever (ANDES! FUCKING ANDES!!!! Plus, Storm's eyes should not be white when she's not using her powers), Titans V2 (bad Italian and Portuguese), Velocity V2 ("replace" instead of "replaced"), What If? The Amazing Spider-Man: Grim Hunt (small ñ), X-Factor V3 (Shatterstar's eyes should be blue, not green).
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"THEM DRAWING MONKEYS."

TITLE: Avengers Academy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Rachel Pinnelas (assistant editor), John Denning (assistant editor), and Bill Rosemann (editor).

DISSECTION: Tom Raney pencilled this issue, but regular penciller Mike McKone gets credited for it.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"DOVE ASK, DOVE TELL."

TITLE: Birds Of Prey V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer).

DISSECTION: Dove's powers are listed, but many of her powers (such as one of her more visually distinctive ones, her enhanced agility) are missing, in exchange of shit like "she is the consciousness of the superhero community", when most heroes don't even have contact with her...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"DAS FAIL."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 190.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Donald313 doesn't rest, and he points out that the plural of "Glückwunsch" is "Glückwünsche".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"RETRO DT!"

TITLE: Outsiders V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 45.

CULPRIT: Carlo Barberi (penciller).

DISSECTION: From The Vault, this an old pet peeve of mine, old readers might remember.


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"VANISHING SENSE."

TITLE: Time Masters: Vanishing Point (DC).

ISSUE: 05 Of 6.

CULPRIT: Dan Jurgens (writer).

DISSECTION: Two powerful sorcerers scour all of time to find the most powerful weapon in the universe and then decide to steal one of the first atom bombs? What? Not to mention they had a Green Lantern captive...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Hal Jordan's badge is wrong on the cover and inside, as is his ring, and he's even missing his ring altogether in one page.
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With a 6.9 Bazzars average in thirty-eight dissections, we get a "high among normal" average rating for this week. Now, Moments Of The Week... from G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero, Cobra's sophisticated torture methods:


Amazing... and look who's back in Green Lantern:


Oh, shit... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #178.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Science to the rescue once more!" Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man #643.

Late, late again, I know. Work has been hectic... you know, the work that actually pays my bills? Doesn't mean I'll let my readers down, though! Nobody cracked last column's DT; and I can tell you (while I watch Stargate Universe) that it was the fact that the Jaffa says he was the Prime of Sobek, but he had no tattoo on his forehead, as all Jaffa in service to a Goa'uld should (in fact, his should be gold, as Prime).

Here are the Dissector's Picks Of The Week! Best Book Of The Week is actually a tie between X-Factor #209 and Captain America: Patriot #1. In X-Factor, Peter David is an excellent team book writer, and any character he doesn't have previous experience with, he studies and gets. Newcomer Emanuela Lupacchino's art is crisp and clear, making characters different and with great facial expressions... she does have a bit of room for improvement still, mainly in background figures. For the Patriot book, Karl Kesel is a veteran character writer, and he gets the 40s dialogue and feel perfectly. For a book with a lot of narration (in the form of newspaper articles), it reads easily. Artist Mitch Breitweiser, with colorist and wife Bettie Breitweiser, draw a story that's both modern and WWII... like a (good) propaganda poster come to life.

Worst Book Of The Week was Justice Society Of America Special... wow, this was a bad book. Not horrible, but just... failed. Scott Kolins writes as well as pencils, and as much as I don't really like his art, his writing is even worse. The plot is disjointed, the dialogues are wooden... and his art, well, his figures are not that well suited to superheroes, in my opinion, particularly because of the bright colors Hi-Fi gives them. Haven't read this? Don't read it, unless you’re a big JSA fan.

The Rundown: Avengers And The Infinity Gauntlet (Doom's eyes are colored incorrectly, Wolverine's height is wrong), Battlefields ("formate"?), Birds Of Prey V3 ("muy" thai?), DC Universe Legacies (accented letters), Justice Society of America Special ("tyrrany", Magog's eyes are both normal, and one has an Horus symbol around it, which has never been there before, nor his powers have any Egyptian basis), Our Fighting Forces (Johnny Cloud's eyes shouldn't be blue, wrong uses of the German language), Shadowland: Power Man (accented letter that's a flat line and a small letter, then a correctly accented letter on all counts; plus a weird name for a Hispanic character, which gets a low rating, but it's more probable than "Ignatio" was Van Lente trying to spell "Ignacio", rather than the right name he was looking for), Spider-Man/Fantastic Four (accented letter), Web Of Spider-Man V2 (accented letters, but one correct... I mean, individual letterers can get it right in one book, wrong in another, and now wrong and right within pages? come on, pay more attention to your own work!), Young Allies (inconsistent credit lettering, accented letters, opening question marks missing from Spanish dialogues, when opening exclamation marks are used for other dialogues).
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"THIS EACH WRONG."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 177.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Donald313 noticed that I wrote "Batman and Alfred treat is other is just plain wrong", it should have been "each other". Badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"DISSECTOR CORPS."

TITLE: Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (DC).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Peter Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: One for the Green Lantern fans:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Kilowog's badge and ring are wrong, then his badge changes shape. On the other hand, Guy, Arisia, and Kilowog are shown flying out on an extended trip to the "unknown sector" without their power batteries visible... are we supposed to believe they're going away for a long time without their batteries? Obviously, they carry them inside their rings. So stop using the lazy "ring charge--low!" plot device, please.
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"QUO FUCKING VADIS?"

TITLE: Ides Of Blood (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 02 of 06.

CULPRIT: Stuart C. Paul (writer).

DISSECTION: Okay, the anachronistic language has gone too far. I can't let something like "HAIL @#$%ING CAESAR." pass without considering it a fucking dissection.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Plus, there is also a phrase that, apart from using the word "fart", repeats parts of itself without apparent reason.
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"SPIRIT OF DISSECTION."

TITLE: The Spirit V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Paul Smith (penciller) and/or Sergio Aragones & Mark Evanier (writers).

DISSECTION: Donald313 strikes back again, and lets me know that in this issue, from April 2008, a beauty pageant contestant is announced as Ms. Japan, but she's wearing a "Ms. China" sash. You get another badge, and you earned your promotion to Commander! Congratulations! That's your twenty-sixth badge; reach forty-one and you make Captain, and get your own ship to command!

By the way, you say you weren't reading the column back then, in 2008, and you asked if it existed. The column was first published in 2005, in CBEM #549 (here's a link to a re-posting of the first one); and then in blog form since December 2006.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"DICE OFF!"

TITLE: X-Factor V1 (Marvel). Yes, I went back to V1, like with other renumber/continuation books.

ISSUE: 209.

CULPRIT: David Yardin (cover penciller).

DISSECTION: I can't believe I didn't notice this one... I'm ashamed, as a roleplayer, that I missed this one... but luckily, my new aide-de-camp, HDSC Commander Donald313, had my back. The cover shows Longshot playing craps; and one of the dice he throws has the numbers 2 and 5 on adjoined faces; when they should be on opposite ones; as each pair of opposite faces in a six-sided die should add up to seven.

Plus, I know now that "die" in German is "Würfel"... and the plural is "Würfels"... nice.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Madrox's eyes are colored green, when they should be brown.
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Thirty-four dissections, and a 6.0 Bazzar average... on the low end of the usual. Cover Of The Week is by Yuko Shimizu, for The Unwritten:


A board game? The issue actually turns out to be a choose your own adventure books! Now, Moments of The Week; first one's a gay fashion showdown in old west:


That made me chuckle... Next, another smile, but this time from Spidey:


Not just one, but two... and this one he shares with an unlikely companion:


Doom's a trekkie? Hah! Now, you know what I said about Lupacchino's art? Well, take a look at this:


Wolfsbane's never looked that good. And Lupacchino also makes the casino scenes very fun:


She's perfectly suited for a fun book like X-Factor. And here's the last scene from Captain America: Patriot:


Powerful, isn't it? That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #172.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"The Phoenix Force is a crazy powerful cosmic firebird entity that for some reason seems to be attracted to earthbound redheads (I can relate)." Spider-Man, Astonishing Spider-Man & Wolverine #2.

Let's make this quick, so I can be caught-up (only to end up late again, but that's another matter). This is the column for books released on 07/14, and I just noticed that I hadn't mentioned the release date covered by a column in some time. The DT! from last column was cracked by Sidney, who correctly pointed out that Sarge Steel's hands had both been colored the same, without regard for his artificial hand.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week: Best Book Of The Week was Captain America/Black Panther: Flags Of Our Fathers #4; good ending to a WWII-era adventure, which are always welcome in my reading list. Worst Book Of The week was Doc Savage #4, conclusion to the storyline; with art more rushed than previous issues, completely out of place with the book, and a jumbled plot that provided absolutely no entertainment.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (one of the Kravens is surprised that Spidey dodges a bullet, at one point Araña's name is misspelled "Añya", her shoes are colored incorrectly, she says she used to wear shorts, her "Ñ"s are all smaller than they should be, and the letter column Spidey-logo separators are pasted on top of text), Avengers Academy (inconsistent lettering in the credits page, accented letters), Batgirl V3 ("feelings" instead of "feeling"), Booster Gold V2 (the kid Booster brought from the future looks like a midget, Rip's eyes and hair are colored wrong), Comic Book Guy: The Comic (when you put up a video on the web, it's an "upload", not a "download"), The Expendables (accented letter), The Unwritten (accented letter), World War Hulks: Spider-Man Vs. Thor (Iceman's hair should be blond, not brown), X-Force Sex And Violence (Domino's skin turns normal for a page), X-Men: Hellbound (accented letters).
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"DISSECTION CLUBHOUSE."

TITLE: Adventure Comics V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 516.

CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: Come on, this one's for Legion fans:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"BIRDS OF DISSECTION."

TITLE: Birds Of Prey V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Ed Benes & Adriana Melo (pencillers).

DISSECTION: Hawk smashes the front of a tank, and pages later, the tank is unharmed.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"ULTRA LACKING."

TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Ultra Boy's power listing is incomplete... but I have to retract from the Marzal dissection from last issue, as it seems it's been removed from Earth... even then, if it's in another dimension and not just in another part of Earth, it's not Earth per se. Sidney, you're not losing a badge, don't worry.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, Projectra's eyes are colored incorrectly.
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"COLD."

TITLE: Titans V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Eric Wallace (writer).

DISSECTION: Facade, according to Deathstroke, doesn't have a heat signature, which means "he was just as much machine as he was man". Uhm... 1) Why wouldn't a machine be able to have a heat signature? It's not a vampire. 2) Why would, in a metahuman-riddled world, not having a heat signature mean it's a machine (accepting that's a defining characteristic of robots)? Couldn't it be a vampire? *grins*

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"HEROIC DICTIONARY."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men: The Heroic Age (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: "Mutantcy", despite being part of a Darkwing Duck episode title, is not a word. And I'm pretty sure Mr. Fantastic would know that fact, and not use the term.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. There are other errors too; Beast is drawn by Steve Sanders as a Bothan again; Molly Hayes speaks of "that girl who came back" (Hope) that "everybody's talking about" (everybody who? Hope's story is most likely not known by the general public, and it's not like Molly hangs out at Utopia); the Thing is wearing boots; and Rogue's eyes are colored brown instead of green. Also, not a dissection, but why the hell is Cyclops killing dinosaurs willy-nilly in the Savage Land to blow off steam? It's completely out of character.
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"WORLD WAR WHU?"

TITLE: Hulk V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Jeph Loeb (writer).

DISSECTION: I just noticed this in World War Hulks: Captain America Vs. Wolverine #1, and I was going to blame writer Paul Tobin and artist Jacopo Camagni... but then I noticed this was actually a problem caused by Loeb's writing... I can't even blame Ed McGuinness (Hulk penciller).

Captain America (Barnes) and Wolverine get hulked up... right? All, or almost all of the heroes involved in this crossover got bombarded by gamma rays and hulked out. Okay? So, apart from how inane this plot is... how do gamma rays mutate Barnes' cybernetic arm (augmenting its size and making it grow spikes) and Wolverine's claws (changing their shapes and making them look as if they're made out of bone)? Not to mention the rest of Logan's adamantium-covered skeleton, or whatever other implants Cap might have (related to the arm or not).

If you really wanted to hulk out the heroes, gamma radiation isn't enough. Thor affected by gamma rays? Come on... Loeb should have included some sort of reality warping element (like the Marvel U is short on those) to the equation...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"IT WAS THE FIFTIES, HE GAVE THEM A NICE POLISHED FINISH."

TITLE: World War Hulks: Captain America Vs. Wolverine (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 02.

CULPRIT: Jacopo Camagni (penciller).

DISSECTION: Thought you were off the hook, Jacopo? Sorry, no. Wolverine, in the 50s, did not have metal claws. The adamantium implants are more recent.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Writer Tobin doesn't go blameless either; Wolverine acts like a gigantic wuss while being tortured with some knives, acid and pepper. That's Camagni's fault too, as are the mistakes on Cap's costume. Oh, and Wolverine has not been implanted with unbreakable bones and claws; his already existing skeleton (claws included) were bonded with adamantium. There is a difference, and anyone working on X-Men comics should know it... particularly when making a book about Wolverine.
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"KOLOSS."

TITLE: X-Men: Second Coming (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 02.

CULPRIT: Zeb Wells (writer, chapter one).

DISSECTION: Ezequiel earns a badge by letting me know (before I read the book, I'm SURE I would have caught this) that Colossus answers Beast's "Are you ready?" question with "Ja"... Yo, Zeb... Colossus is Russian... the German guy is Nightcrawler. Piotr would probably answer "Da"... And if I wrote the X-Men, or any other comic with non-English speakers in it who carry out conversations in English with English speakers, he'd say "yes". Except for specific phrases, or impulsive utterances (like cursing, pet names, or religious matters), people who know the language well don't just inject random foreign words into their conversations with people who don't speak their native language.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. On that same chapter, Hellion's arms both look like they were severed from the wrist up; when his right forearm was severed almost completely.
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"WRONG COMPANY."

TITLE: X-Men: Second Coming (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 02.

CULPRIT: Terry Dodson (penciller, chapter four).

DISSECTION: Namor should not have calf fins... those are the DC Atlanteans.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Namor's eyes should be grey, not blue.
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"IN-VISIBLE."

TITLE: X-Men Forever 2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer) and Tom Grummett (penciller).

DISSECTION: Rogue's invisibility to technology (thanks to Roma) is that: invisibility. Not "blurribility"...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, "Prognosis: Minimal" from a Sentinel is a completely nonsensical sentence.
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Now, forty-four dissections leave us with an average of 6.5 Bazzars; fully within normal parameters. Cover Of The Week is again for Darwyn Cooke's piece for The Murder Of King Tut; this time for the second issue:


Simplicity, beauty, adequate to the subject, yet not derivative. Moments Of The Week! Don't mess with the Black Panther:


You hear that, ratzi? Now, the X-Men get recognized as heroes:


Or at least Cyclops does... until the next time any mutant screws up, and the whole Marvel Universe Earth blames it on them! Next, while Scott Pilgrim's final volume was not all I expected, it was still fun, and provided us with classic Scott moments:


WIS 5... From the ashes of Second Coming rises the new X-Force:


... where everybody, including Archangel/Angel/Whateverthefuckwarrenwantstocallhimselfthis week needs BIG FUCKING GUNS! God, I'm having 90s flashbacks... Speaking of Second Coming:


Yeah, I didn't see that coming, at least not so soon... but it's neat. You know what's not neat?


Being cheap on art for a licensed book... Stargate: Blow Up Dolls: The Comics. Now, the Grim Hunt is over, and Spidey went a bit bad-ass on Lady Kraven:


Damn, that's gotta hurt... Well, she'd killed his clone, so he was pissed:


That's a nice touch on Pete's part... too bad it doesn't stick:


Dead is dead, of course. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #111.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I can't believe I need to explain why it's a bad idea, but then again I can't believe you thought sewing your head onto a monkey's ass was a good one." Star Lord, to Gorillaman, Guardians Of The Galaxy V2 #9.

Okay, I'm back with the column for dissections for the week of 01/21; and before going on with the column, I want to urge you to vote for the Autopsy Awards 2008; I know I've been absent, so that's why I'm giving you time to vote until the end of March... that, and there's a couple of categories that are tied; and I don't want to break the ties by Deus Ex Machina.

Last column's DT! was cracked by J. Corbin; and it was the fact that John Stewart doesn't wear gloves as part of his GL uniform. Another badge for you, Ensign Corbin! The Dissector's Picks Of The Week were as follows: Best Book Of The Week was Guardians Of The Galaxy #9; good cosmic hero fun.... without being a cosmic drag. These are people. In space. I like that. Worst Book Of The Week was almost a tie between Final Crisis #7 and Final Crisis: Superman Beyond #2; but Final Crisis #7 takes the "prize" just because it was an immensely crappy ending to a really badly written story... Dissections, away!
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"I AM ÜNTERVELMED."

TITLE: Birds Of Prey V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 126.

CULPRIT: Swands (letterer).

DISSECTION: The "Ü" in Ünternet is smaller than the rest of the letters in one balloon, then a second time in the same page, it's the same size.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"CAPTAIN AMERICA: THEATER OF WAR... DROBE CHANGES."

TITLE: Captain America Theater Of War: America The Beautiful (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Gary Erskine (artist).

DISSECTION: Captain America's costume is full of mistakes, he has the wrong shield; etc. I almost let this go as an alternate universe tale; but Marvel itself calls Theater Of War "a series chronicling the adventures that made Captain America the hero we know today", and it's not under any kind of banner like "Ultimate", "Mythos" or "Max", so I'll consider it 616. Erskine himself says that the design of Cap's costume was "a deliberate choice", but if it's a 616 story, his costume shouldn't have been changed at all.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars for the costuming errors as a single one, but although I can't consider it a dissection (because it seems made as a wink), I wouldn't be so lenient with Baron Zemo being among a gathering of heroes in a soldier's funeral. I wouldn't even qualify it as an easter egg... he's in plain sight, sitting between Colossus and Spider-Man. What I will consider dissections are the facts that She-Hulk is only slightly taller than the Black Cat, and Thor is about the same size as Daredevil and everybody else... Also, I just noticed but... in one page the heroes have one seating arrangement, and then in the next, there's a close-up on Reed Richards and Sue Storm... and the heroes behind them aren't the same ones as before; in fact, Iron Man is seated next behind them, when in the previous page he was about three meters away!!!
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"TH DISSECTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 110.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: J. Corbin spotted that last column I wrote "Vixen's not wearing he totem", when I meant "her totem". He wanted to give it just 1 Bazzar, so I'll go with that. And he gets another badge, two more and he reaches Lieutenant.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
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"DEATHSTROKE: THE DISSECTOR."

TITLE: Faces Of Evil: Deathstroke (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Georges Jeanty (penciller).

DISSECTION: This one is very simple:


DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"CRISIS FINAL!"

TITLE: Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 07 of 07.

CULPRIT: Grant Morrison (writer).

DISSECTION: Again, Imán's Spanish is incorrect, though not as bad as before. Of course, this pales against the atrocity that is the actual script itself...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, the Green Lanterns complain about a 24-hours charge limit to their rings; which is no longer there. From #6, my friend Kal had told that in that issue, Barry Allen's chest emblem is reversed; and I forgot. J. Corbin reminded me, so a badge for both. There you go J., one more and you make Lieutenant.
<-------------------------------->
"BEYOND CRAP."

TITLE: Final Crisis: Superman Beyond (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 02.

CULPRIT: Grant Morrison (writer).

DISSECTION: Superman says that if he Ultraman touch, their matter and antimatter particles will annihilate each other... which is not true. Now, some people say this is not the same (or one of the several) Ultraman that has traded blows with Superman before... but I say this is just Grant Morrison's sloppy writing.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THAT'S NOT BARRY!"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 29.

CULPRIT: Pete Pantazis (colorist).

DISSECTION: Barry Allen's eyes are colored green, instead of blue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AND THAT'S NOT BARRY, EITHER."

TITLE: The Lone Ranger & Tonto (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Brent Matthews & Neil Turitz (writers) and/or Romulo Fajardo Jr. (colorist).

DISSECTION: Mercury-poisoned people don't have green glowing eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SENIOR CITIZEN."

TITLE: Moon Knight V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Mike Benson (writer).

DISSECTION: Every time there's a comic set in Mexico or some other Spanish speaking place, I shudder. In this case, among other things, Benson has a Mexican character call Mark Spector "senior", instead of "señor".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Joe Caramagna, letterer and friend of this column, alternates correctly sized Ñs with smaller ones.
<-------------------------------->
"MYSTERIUS: THE UNACCENTABLE."

TITLE: Mysterius: The Unfathomable (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Saida Temofonte (letterer).

DISSECTION: Several accented vowels are smaller than the rest of the letters.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MERELY A FLESH WOUND."

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 17.

CULPRIT: Tim Seeley (artist).

DISSECTION: Oy vey, I just read that there will be yet ANOTHER Exiles book... the good thing is that it will be written by Jeff Parker (Agents Of Atlas, etc). In this issue, Psylocke thinks "Sustain your focus, Betsy, keep the wounds closed.", yet there's no wounds visible on her. And her telekinesis is not fine-tuned enough to keep wounds closed without making a mess of them...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CLEAN START."

TITLE: Punisher: Frank Castle MAX (Marvel).

ISSUE: 66.

CULPRIT: Michel Lacombe (artist).

DISSECTION: A bare-chested Frank shows absolutely no old scars at all. Yes, he could have used some sort of miracle cure (magic, supertech, etc) to remove his scars, but I doubt it. Even if his scars disappeared during the time he was an angel (ugh), he'd still have a lot of them from the insanely huge amount of bullet hits and knife wounds he gets per story. Also, the Punisher's birthday is the same day as mine!

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN VULCAN YEARS, IT'S LONGER."

TITLE: Star Trek: Countdown (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Mike Johnson & Tim Jones (script) and/or Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman (plot).

DISSECTION: The trailers for the new Star Trek movie keep looking better and better, and the first two issues of this prequel book to the film are pretty good. The story starts in the present (for Star Trek continuity), some eight years after the last movie (Nemesis, 2379), namely in 2387. The only glaring mistake with the story is that Spock says that he's lived in Romulus for the past forty years; when he only moved there in the TNG episode Unification; which takes place in 2367, only twenty years earlier.

That said, writers Johnson and Jones craft a good story over the plot provided by movie scripters Orci and Kurtzman. That, coupled with the trailers I've seen, makes me thing the movie's gonna rock.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, the colorists gave Spock blue eyes instead of brown ones.
<-------------------------------->
"I KNOW HE'S FULL OF SHIT, BUT..."

TITLE: Thunderbolts (Marvel).

ISSUE: 128.

CULPRIT: Frank Martin (colorist).

DISSECTION: Norman Osborn's eyes are colored brown, instead of blue, as they should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IS HE LIKE NORMAN?"

TITLE: Trinity (DC).

ISSUE: 40.

CULPRIT: Pete Pantazis (colorist).

DISSECTION: Hawkman's eyes should be blue, not brown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ELECTRICITY, SOUND, WHATEVER..."

TITLE: X-Men: Kingbreaker (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Chris Yost (writer).

DISSECTION: A symbiote (a la Venom's) is said to be vulnerable to electricity, when symbiotes are vulnerable to fire and vibrations.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, it could be a variant species. There's also a small dialogue error, with a word missing when Lilandra tells Gladiator that Vulcan's way is not Shi'ar.
<-------------------------------->
"BUENOS AYRES, AUSTRALIA."

TITLE: X-Men: Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 220.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer) and/or Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: Professor Xavier mentions "Ayres Rock" instead of Ayers Rock. Also, I'm not counting it as a dissection. but the site has been renamed with its aboriginal designation, Uluru, years ago... I doubt a man as educated as Xavier would miss that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Well, a 6.2 Bazzars average in thirty two dissections, the usual. And now, Moments Of The Week Galore! First up, Ares' pick up methods are not that effective...


But they're funny. Then, Dr. Doom is not as nice as Tony Stark:


Fun homage. And speaking of Tony, what's Norman doing with his stuff now?


Yeah, that. Norman Osborn for President! Then, Hank Pym changes codenames and costumes... again.


Uh... More Avengers, this is a cheap shot:


But damn, it works! Then, a nice Trek moment:


Captain Data! It only took him a little under 50 years in Starfleet to reach that rank. Next, Ant-Man's new hideout:


Tricia Helfer's bosom!! I mean, Yelena Belova's. Coming up? Tiny Titan's lunch time!


Priceless... And finally, you know how DC's Faces Of Evil event, the villains "take over" the book, and for example, Lex Luthor's name replaces Superman's title on the comic cover. Well, look who's Vigilante's "Face Of Evil":


Scary... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #79.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Pills for breakfast. I am so science fictional." Doktor Sleepless, Doktor Sleepless #07.

Okay, so I lost the roll I was on; but I'm still trying to catch up, with this issue being about books released on the week of 06/11, except for a straggler. Last column's DT! was solved by the Guvnor Paul C, welcome back to active duty! It was indeed the fact that Cannonball calls Lucas Bishop "Nathan", which is Cable's name.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week went to Titans V2; I like Judd Winick's writing, and even though Joe Benitez' art is weird sometimes, it's not bad; all in all, this is a fun read. On the other hand, GeNext #1 was horrible, with a horrible plot and script by Chris Claremont (with glaring dissections) and bland, unappealingly cartoon-like art by Patrick Scherberger. Off with you to the dissections, now!
<-------------------------------->
"COVER GIRL."

TITLE: Birds Of Prey V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 116.

CULPRIT: Mike Carlin (editor) and Elisabeth V. Gehrlein (assistant editor).

DISSECTION: Here's the straggler. I never noticed this until I checked Dominik B.'s review of the issue... the issue book is written by Sean McKeever, but the cover reads Gail Simone... who left the book some time again. Badge for you, Dom, one more and you make Lt. Commander!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. The freaking cover!
<-------------------------------->
"GOLD DISSECTION."

TITLE: Booster Gold V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Come on, this one's easy:



DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SORRY, DALE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 78.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Wolfie correctly spotted that I had credited Dale Eaglesham as the penciller for Justice Society Of America V3 #16, when it was Fernando Pasarin. Welcome to the HDSC, Wolfie!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DOKTOH SLEEPLESS."

TITLE: Doktor Sleepless (Avatar).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Warren Ellis (writer) and/or unknown (not credited) letterer.

DISSECTION: Doktor Sleepless' alter ego's name is spelled as Johh, instead of John.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GOOD GOING CHRIS, YOU REALLY KNOW YOUR MARVEL CHARACTERS!"

TITLE: GeNext (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer); and possibly Ed Dukeshire (letterer), but I doubt it.

DISSECTION: Sigh, where to start? Oh, I know... CLAREMONT!!!!!! BEAST IS HENRY MCCOY, NOT PYM!!!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, Nocturne is called "Josephene" instead of "Josephine", and the Colossus in this book is supposed to be the original Colossus' grandson; but since the school has only been open for 30 years, the timeline is a bit flaky (though I'm not counting this one as a nit).
<-------------------------------->
"LITTLE WING."

TITLE: GeNext (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Takeshi Miyazawa (artist, back up story).

DISSECTION: In the back up story with the original X-Men (a reprint from an X-Men Unlimited issue from some time ago), Angel's wings are drawn impossibly small.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"EL HASASINO!"

TITLE: Green Arrow/Black Canary (DC).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).

DISSECTION: One of the League Of Assassins dudes; I don't care what his name is, pretends to speak Italian or Spanish and says "Mio amigo", which is not right for either language.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SEÑOR ROBOT!"

TITLE: The Last Defenders (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Joe Casey (writer).

DISSECTION: The assassination performed on the Spanish language by Junta's robot continues.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BLURRED INK."

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Tom Orzechowski (letter) and/or Jordan D. White (assistant editor) & Mark Paniccia (editor).

DISSECTION: Inker Scott Hanna is not credited for his work.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also... MORPH!!!
<-------------------------------->
"RUN, MAMMOTH, RUN!"

TITLE: Salvation Run (DC).

ISSUE: 07 of 07

CULPRIT: John Kalisz & Tom Chu (colorists).

DISSECTION: God, what a lousy ending, for a lousy story. Again, Mammoth's hair is incorrectly colored.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Cheetah's missing her spots.
<-------------------------------->
"LUKE GETS PROMOTED, AND CHEWIE NEVER EVEN GOT A MEDAL!"

TITLE: Star Wars: Rebellion (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Jeremy Barlow (writer).

DISSECTION: Able calls Luke Skywalker "General", which he doesn't get to be until years later.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Well, this week's average Bazzars is 6.6, in fourteen dissections. Moments Of The Week? No, Moment. Dick Grayson shows his naughty side, after Starfire tells him she thinks of him when she's alone:

Smooth playa!

That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #50.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"A bazillion bucks in C.G.I. and he still looks like Shrek." Anonymous moviegoer about a Hulk movie, She-Hulk V2 #23. I knew I wasn't alone.

Yes, I'm late, I know it. Let's get this show started, then. That quote up there is exactly what I think about the Hulk movie by Ang Lee... thank Stan another one is coming. Welcome to the 50th column! Last week we had a creator sighting, as Scott Wegener, talented artist for Atomic Robo admits to certain Mignola similarities, all in good humor, in the comments section of the last column (in the blog).

Plus, and probably Scott's doing, Red 5 Comics published a listing of good reviews for their books, and they loved that I picked it as best book of the week, even linking back to us. Thank you, even if it highlighted an error on my part (see below)!

Speaking of The Dissector's Picks Of The Week, this week's (11/21) best book was Action Comics #859, which despite several misgivings on my part gave us a good Legion Of Superheroes story. What misgivings? Well, at first I was scared of what Geoff Johns could do to the LSH, after what he did with that Bizarro story; he could have turned this into another Silver Age rehash.

I was surprised to see that he didn't do that, he actually took Silver Age elements and spun them into a great story. Gary Frank's costume designs, as well as his buildings and other non-living elements are excellent, greatly enhanced by Joe Sibal's inks and Dave McCaig's colors, with adequate lettering by Rob Leigh. My only problem with Frank's art is that, as someone said, he makes everyone look like raving lunatics, with teeth-showing forced grins and grimaces, and wide open eyes. But a good comic, and I'm looking forward to the next installment... you know how I loves me some Legion.

The worst book of the week, on the other hand, was one of the books I was looking forward to the most. Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Gotham By Gaslight, as much as I love Victorian settings (and as much as I loved the original Gotham By Gaslight book, also written by Brian Augustyn), I find that Augustyn's plot is flat, and contains what is one of the most stupid plot points in recent years (see the Moments Of The Week at the end of this column).

Greg Tocchini's art (with inks by Jesse Delperdang, Derek Fridoffs and Paul Neary, and colors by Rod Reis) is passable, but nothing to write home about. I did enjoy seeing Victorian Blue Beetle, though. Is it me, or do these Search For Ray Palmer books are getting more and more pointless with every installment.

Now as to last week's Dissect This!, Batman says that berkelium and californium have no useful applications, and while the former has no known uses outside of basic research and plays no biological role; californium has several uses (although not the point of, say, uranium). Among its uses, it can be employed in neutron startup source for some nuclear reactors, treatment of certain cervical and brain cancers where other radiation therapy is ineffective, and airport detectors of explosives.

Yes, the urban legend about pocket nukes using Cf isn't true, but you can't say it has no uses. What else can I say? Let's get on with the nits!
<-------------------------------->
"ACSHUN COMICS."

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 859.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer) and/or Rob Leigh (letterer).

DISSECTION: On page one Lightning Lad says "make due" instead of "make do"; yes, it's between quotation marks in the comic too, so it could be a
pun...

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S NOT REALLY HIM."

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 859.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Superman's powers are defined as "flight, super strength, super sensory powers." No invulnerability, heat vision, super speed, etc?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH, THOSE AREN'T THANAGARIAN?"

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 859.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Dawnstar is defined by Earth-Man as human, when she's an alien. He'd know better, I mean, he considers the Legion founders (who look completely human) aliens, and Dawnstar has wings.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DID WE CAPTURE THE REAL ULTRA BOY?"

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 859.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: No mention is made, on page 20, of Ultra Boy's Penetra Vision or Flash Vision.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ULTRA THIS, ULTRA THAT."

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 859.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Ultra Boy did not have "Ultra Vision", he had "Penetra Vision" and "Flash Vision".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DIDN'T I HAVE SOME EXTRA POWERS?"

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 859.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Invisible Kid's powers, on that same page, don't mention his ability to teleport.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FIGURE IT OUT ON YOURSELF, IF YOU WANT TO FIND OUR WEBSITE."

TITLE: Army@Love (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Most likely Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: The website for the recaps is given as "army@love.com", when the correct one is "armyatlove.com", and of course, you can't have a "@" in a website url.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars, I don't know if it's been done in previous issues, and I'm too lazy to check.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S TIME TO BE RIGHT."

TITLE: Army@Love (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Rick Veitch (writer/penciller) and/or Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: Switzer uses military time to say she's got to be up at 5 in the morning, but the balloon says "0:500", when the correct written notation is "05:00"; if she's speaking it, as she is, it should read "oh five hundred".

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO ARE YOU, IN THE MR. MIRACLE UNIFORM? AND IS THAT A DEAD STRIPPER?"

TITLE: Birds Of Prey (DC).

ISSUE: 112.

CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer).

DISSECTION: A memorial is held for Big Barda, with both the presence of her body, and Mr. Miracle's attendance. It's been show in Death Of The New Gods that immediately after the other heroes helped him process the crime scene, Miracle and Superman took her body to New Genesis where a funeral was held, and her body was even "cremated".

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I LEFT IN MY JEWELRY BOX."

TITLE: Birds Of Prey (DC).

ISSUE: 112.

CULPRIT: David Cole (penciller).

DISSECTION: Vixen is not wearing her Tantu Totem.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"A-HA, SO YOU'RE NOT MR. MIRACLE! ARE YOU A MALE STRIPPER?"

TITLE: Birds Of Prey (DC).

ISSUE: 112.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Mr. Miracle's costume is colored in his traditional red, yellow and green, instead of the darker tones he's adopted after Barda's Death. At least Barda's gloves are yellow.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WELCOME TO EDWARDS AIR BASE, WHERE THE FLOORS ARE CUSHY."

TITLE: Birds Of Prey (DC).

ISSUE: 112.

CULPRIT: David Cole (penciller).

DISSECTION: On page 21, Zinda Blake lands a helicopter in what's supposed to be an abrupt way... and the floor seems to react as if it is a mattress or canvas.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M DOING THAT EARTH-SOMETHING EYE SWITCHEROO, LIKE DAD USED TO."

TITLE: Brave And The Bold V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Tom Smith (colorist).

DISSECTION: Jai West's eyes are colored green, when they're actually dark (black or brown) in Flash's own book.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"... AND WITH THE HAIR TOO."

TITLE: Brave And The Bold V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Tom Smith (colorist).

DISSECTION: Jai's hair is distinctly colored brown instead of black.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PARDON MY FRENCH."

TITLE: Brave And The Bold V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Mark Waid (writer) and/or Rob Leigh (letterer).

DISSECTION: Metamorpho greets Flash's wife in French, but the word "recountrer" should be spelled "recontrer". Plus, the construction of the phrase is weird, but I won't count that since Rex is not a native speaker of the language.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"USELESS INFORMATION."

TITLE: Various Marvel titles published the week of 11/21 (Marvel).

ISSUE: N/A

CULPRIT: Unknown.

DISSECTION: This time it's the Avengers' turn to be featured in "Fury's Files", and again there's information that, contrary to what it says in the intro, could not be used as leverage either because of its irrelevancy (such as Hawkeye throwing barbeques to celebrate victories) or out of character (Firestar having been originally created for "Spider-Man And His Amazing Friends").

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars, double (counts as two dissections).
<-------------------------------->
"BRUCE, DUDE, WE GOTTA STOP CHASING THE DRAGON."

TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Gotham By Gaslight (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Steve Wands (letterer).

DISSECTION: On page 9, a speech balloon for Bruce Wayne is actually coming from Dan Garrett.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"A GIANT WEREBAT? NO CLUE."

TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Gotham By Gaslight (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Brian Augustyn (writer).

DISSECTION: Apart from what I think of this story, when pursuing a giant werebat, any hero from the DC Universe would know about Man-Bat. Plus, Jason Todd would at least know about Kirk Langström, and suspect that, if Bruce Wayne is Batman in this Earth, then the same can apply for Man-Bat (even if eventually the actual identity of the monster is much lamer).

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THISH EARTH HASH THE BESHT BOOZSHE!"

TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Gotham By Gaslight (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Brian Augustyn (writer).

DISSECTION: Kyle Rayner mentions on page 23 that he might see this Earth's Blue Beetle again "right after the next 131 worlds."; to which "Bob" answers "There are only fifty-two worlds, Jason (...)" Jason? Uhm, Bob, so you weren't actually "recording data" and "learning" while you were apart from the rest, were you? You were drinking absinth!

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 23.

CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer) and/or Keith Giffen (story consultant).

DISSECTION: Superman Prime claims to be the only superhero (no dash, yes) of his world, but Ultraa was also from Earth Prime, originally.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar, this could just TWP's pride speaking, or just his ignorance.
<-------------------------------->
"WE'RE NOT REAL DOMINATORS..."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 23.

CULPRIT: Tom Derenick (penciller).

DISSECTION: The Dominators on page 17 have forehead disks that are a bit too large for simple military officers (a Captain and a lower-ranked officer), plus the Captain has a smaller disk than his subordinate does.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH NO, HE STOLE MY MOJO!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 23.

CULPRIT: Scott Beatty (writer for backup origin tale).

DISSECTION: In the backup origin story for Mr. Myxyzptlk, Mxy himself says that his dimension's science is "so sophisticated it looks like sorcery" to us people of the third dimension. This seemingly settles a long debate in the comics fan community as to whether his powers came from magic or technology. At one point in the origin story, he refers to his abilities at "magical mojo", but that's just him being euphemistic.

However, the "Powers And Weapons" section at the end of the backup feature says he has "magical powers" and creates "magical mischief", with no reference to the fact his powers are actually technological in nature.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, he could be lying.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTIVE COMICS."

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 838.

CULPRIT: Ryan Benjamin (penciller).

DISSECTION: Tell me what you see wrong in this panel (besides the not so nice art).

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ALFRED, BUTLER OF THE BAT."

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 838.

CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).

DISSECTION: Alright, so Alfred is not only capable of inhuman computer building feats (Batman Confidential), sneaking up on Damian as a ninja, but he's also capable of besting Ubu (or whatever his name/title is), a professional killer trained by the League of Assasins? Please...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ATOMIC DISSECTION."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 49.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Soooooo, as mentioned, Red 5 Comics referenced my picking of Atomic Robo #2 as book of the week last column... but when I read what they quoted from my column, I noticed that I had made a mistake. The sentence "(...) but also touching moments that show that in a very effective way make you care (...)" doesn't make sense; that "that show" shouldn't be there. Embarrassing, but I had started writing a different thing and changed my mind, but didn't backspace enough.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AGENT, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO EXAMINE THAT WOUND... VERY CLOSELY."

TITLE: The Invincible Iron Man (Director Of S.H.I.E.L.D.) V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Harvey Tolibao (penciller/inker).

DISSECTION: An interesting tale by Christos Gage, as expected from such a writer, and nice (if lacking in life) art by Tolibao. It's Tolibao, incidentally, who doesn't seem to have read Gage's script. One of Tony's S.H.I.E.L.D. agents is wounded by Bloodscream, and he leaves a hand-shaped mark on her sternum (and part of her boobs).

She's told that until she gets plastic surgery, she'll have to stop wearing low-cut gowns, and she answers "Good. I don't have the rack for 'em anyway". Problem is, she IS wearing a dress with a revealing cleavage, and appears to be at least large C-cup or small D-cup (I might be getting the measures wrong, just check out the pic below).

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, Tolibao should read the script instead of drawing generic bimbos.
<-------------------------------->
"COSTUMER!"

TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 44.

CULPRIT: David Finch ("A" cover penciller).

DISSECTION: Finch makes several mistakes in this cover. The first is that the costumes of the New X-Men squad don't match the ones they wear inside the book (which we'll call the definitive version, since this is their book and Ramos is their official penciller now). As said, Ramos' version of the uniform is the one I'll guide myself by, and even if they're different to what we saw last issue of this book, they could have personalized them, so Scot Eaton's error in X-Factor #25 still stands.

Differences include the shape of the gauntlets and boots (not the size, as Ramos' manga-influenced style makes those things ginormous), and what skin individual costumes cover, not to mention the actual pattern of the black/yellow colors (Ramos' version has Surge's costume with a huge yellow "X" all over across the bodice, while Finch only gives her a central yellow band, a la old New Mutant costumes).

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WEREN'T YOU WORKING OUT?"

TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 44.

CULPRIT: David Finch ("A" cover penciller).

DISSECTION: More on Finch's cover, he draws Anole with a regular-sized right arm, when it's now about twice as big (or, if you believe Ramos, as big as his torso).

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CHICKS LIKE IT WHEN I PRETEND TO BE BEN GRIMM III."

TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 44.

CULPRIT: David Finch ("A" cover penciller).

DISSECTION: We keep on going; Finch draws Rockslide in his first body, the "grey Thing" look, when he's gone through a few different shapes, now a different look than his original one (a more rock golem kind of thing).

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'VE BEEN PRACTICING CONTROL..."

TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 44.

CULPRIT: David Finch ("A" cover penciller).

DISSECTION: Three down, two more to go; Surge, as anyone who's read the character knows, wears very clunky gauntlets to control her power; yet on the cover, she wears gauntlets that look basically the same as what the rest of the team wears.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M WEARING EXTENSIONS."

TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 44.

CULPRIT: David Finch ("A" cover penciller).

DISSECTION: Last one, Hellion's hair is slightly longer, and in completely different style than inside the book. Speaking of this issue, Armor appears in it, and her hair hasn't been dyed purple. So that was indeed Djurdjevic's mistake.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IF YOU CAN BE A SUPERHERO..."

TITLE: The Flash V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 234.

CULPRIT: Mark Waid & John Rogers (writers).

DISSECTION: In the backup story, Iris says that she's a combat photographer. I had never heard of her being that, as far as I remember, she was a reporter... and all accounts I could find in the intarwebz only confirm that, no mention of her being a photographer, much less a combat one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WE ARE FAMILY!"

TITLE: X-Men: Emperor Vulcan (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Christopher Yost (writer). I wonder why he's credited as "Chris" in New X-Men and "Christopher" here. Is this because this is a grown-up book, with adult X-Men?

DISSECTION: Havok says to Marvel Girl that she is his family "now". NOW? JUST NOW, YOU UNCARING PRICK?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"A MATTER OF GRAVITY."

TITLE: X-Men: Emperor Vulcan (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Christopher Yost (writer).

DISSECTION: The Scy'ar Tal, an alien race from which the Shi'ar stole the M'Kraan crystal (in fact, their name used to be M'Kran) have a weapon with which they drop "baby stars" through Shi'ar stargates, and used it to destroy the planet Feather's Edge by dropping one into their orbit. Ooook.... using stars as ammo... I'll let that one pass... But in this issue the X-Men, Starjammers, and Shi'ar find the Scy'ar Tal's "ammo depot", and it's a "solar nursery", with "dosenz of stars (...) all in one place"; and starships and space stations can just cruise around, without being pulled into a star or torn apart. Right-y-o.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, I don't care what your technology level is, these are STARS, and I'm pretty sure I've seen the Starjammer's ship being stopped by a tractor beam, so there's no way they could navigate through a maze of stars!
<-------------------------------->
Well, that's it for now. We had a very modest 5.7 Bazzars average, and it's time for the Moments Of The Week. The first one comes from the best book of the week (according to me), and it's a very inspirational scene, as it's usual with a team like the Legion:

You see what I mean about Gary Frank making people look like maniacs? Colossal Boy here is supposed be inspired, hopeful, but Frank makes him look like he's planning on killing old ladies!

Angel: After The Fall was a good start for the continuation of the show, and better quality than IDW's Star Trek books. Also, it had a moment that made me go whoa:

Gunn is a vampire! And now, the lamest moment in recent comic book history:

You mean to say that a piece of technology (because that is what a Green Lantern ring is) was infected by vampirism, because one of them bloodsuckers bit an energy shield projected by the ring? Please... even if Kyle does retain some of Starheart energy Jade gave him (which is mystical), and unconsciously manifests it, I don't believe that a vampire could infect it by biting a shield.

Well, I just noticed, not a single HDSC badge this week! Also, I've extended the voting period for the Autopsy Awards until next column. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!