The Dissector #170.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Oh, and it's not a ghost. It's a perturbation of consciousness in a previously unknown incorporeal medium." Dr. Atomic Robo Tesla, about Undead Edison, Atomic Robo And The Revenge Of The Vampire Dimension #4.

Late again, I know, but cut me a break... I'm sad because my vacation is at an end, I go back to work next Monday! Last week's DT! was cracked by David, who earns himself another badge. In the picture I showed, how the hell is Superman carrying Lois Lane? I mean... is she all tensed up, in some sort of super-gymnast pose?!?!

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was Atomic Robo And The Revenge Of The Vampire Dimension #4... even without any vampires. It features the return of Edison... or the first appearance of Undead Edison (or Undeadison, as I like to call him), and it's the usual perfect mix of humor, pulp, scifi, and just plain good comic book-ery.

Worst Book Of The Week? Heralds #5... last issue of the mini; a story that could have been told in a one-shot, but instead was rammed down our throats one issue a week, and according to Tom Brevoort, the writer and the artists were very ahead in the work, enough to publish it weekly. Yeah... so, apart from the cookie-cutter plot, how do you explain these:



I'll allow for artists not drawing every single face in background characters (but not when one character gets a face, and the one next to that one doesn't), but this is too much. How can those panels be called anything but half-assed? I normally enjoy Kathryn Immonen's work, and Tonci Zonjic's art is good, but this... I don't know. Oh, yeah, I know... it sucks.

The Rundown: Abe Sapien: The Abyssal Plain (translated from "the" Russian?), The Amazing Spider-Man Presents: American Son (Norman's eyes), Angel Negro Especial ("protejer" instead of "proteger"), Astonishing X-Men (Storm's eyes shouldn't be blank if she's not using her powers), Doomwar (wrong military rank for Jim Rhodes), Ghost Projekt (if the Russian characters are talking in Russian, why are they constructing broken sentences?), Invincible Iron Man (Mandarin's eyes should be blue, not green, and why does the obviously Chinese director have green eyes?), Iron Man: Kiss And Kill (Tony Stark drinking booze willingly after he's gone sober? And his middle name is "Edward", not "Edwards"), Joker's Asylum II: Clayface (ridiculous cape and bat ears), Justice League Of America V2 (wrong shape for Alan Scott's lantern), Justice Society Of America V3 (Captain Nazi's medals again, plus they announce JLA #44 for next month), The New Avengers: Luke Cage (Danielle Cage), Prince Of Persia: Before The Sandstorm (accented letter), Spider-Ham 25th Anniversary Special (the cover says "Anniversay"), Thor V1 (accented letters, Wonder Woman V1 (accented letter, and Cassandra Cain acting like she's Stephanie Brown), X-Campus (Caldecott County is not in Georgia, it's in Mississippi; Wolverine's eyes are green in the comic, but blue in the next issue preview), X-Men: Curse Of the Mutants Saga (Weapon Plus was a US project, but Weapon X was an offshoot with US funds, but Canadian management, not just US).
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"ONE, TO, THREE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 169.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: David noticed that I wrote "two", instead of "to", when I dissected Green Lantern Corps... another badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Snakebyte also noticed that I forgot to put a volume number in LSH for the dissections, then I wrote "Mon-El's detailed" instead of "Mon-El's is detailed"; and I also changed the name of X-Men: Second Coming to "X-Men: Second Calling".
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"IRON MAN: KISS AND DISSECT."

TITLE: Iron Man: Kiss And Kill (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Karl Kesel (writer).

DISSECTION: What's wrong here?


DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. Also, why is Tony Stark, even undercover, drinking alcohol willingly, in a story that's obviously set in modern times, when he's sober?
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"MARZAL: OUT OF THIS WORLD."

TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Sidney noticed that Tyroc's homeworld is listed as "Marzal", when Marzal is an island on Earth (dimensionally shifted, yes, but still on Earth).

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Badge for Sidney, one more and you make Lt. Commander.
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"IDENTITY CRISIS."

TITLE: The New Avengers V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Stuart Immonen (penciller).

DISSECTION: With Clint Barton in his Hawkeye costume, Immonen decided to add Ronin in there for good measure. Tom Brevoort admitted to the error, and said they tried to remove all Ronin's from the pictures before printing, but they missed one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"THE FAMOUS VULCAN ELBOW PINCH."

TITLE: Star Trek: Burden Of Knowledge (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Scott & David Tipton (writers).

DISSECTION: Spock attempts to render one of the muppet-bird aliens unconscious, but their physiology is not similar to the usual humanoid types. According to Spock "... this race lacks a discernible shoulder necessary for the nerve pinch..." SHOULDER??!?!!? It's the Vulcan NECK pinch!!! (Or nerve pinch, I know.)

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"THIS RADIO HAS STATIC."

TITLE: Teen Titans V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 84.

CULPRIT: Felicia D. Henderson (writer).

DISSECTION: Trying to find Raven in a mystical dimension, the Teen Titans need to come up with a plan. Static Shock, who apparently can generate radio waves (plausible), wants to bounce waves all over the area, to find objects that give a "radio ping" different to the dimension's standard. Okay, I can go with that... but why does he need Kid Flash to generate a vortex by moving his hand in circles to make his radio waves travel? And if he can hear radio waves (as he's done in his comics and TV show), why does he need Superboy to fly up and listen to them? Come to think of it, how is Superboy talking to him, trying to tell him something he doesn't want Wonder Girl to hear, if she's less than two meters from Static Shock?

What?

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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What a low average! 5.5 Bazzars in forty-one dissections... pretty low. Okay, let's end this thing quick... Cover Of The Week goes to Flash #3:


By Greg Horn, amazingly, it's not traced porn... or it's a very weird sexual position... Now, Moments Of The Week... first, the kind of stuff I love about Atomic Robo:


UNDEADISON!!! Then, speaking of mad scientists and their descendants:


Not ringing a bell? Well, it seems that Captain Swing (Jonathan Rheinhardt) seems to be an ancestor of Doktor Sleepless (John Reinhardt). There might be a typo in Swing’s name, but I’ll let it slide, as some names are spelled different, specially when someone emigrates to another country. Next, Lobo has some fun;


And great fun it is. But he eventually leaves Earth, and he took a souvenir:


Oh, shit... that's one of the scariest things I've seen in comics in a long time.... Now, from a very off-beat comic I picked up last week, Werewolves Of Montpellier:


It wasn't at all what I expected (I expected French Victorian werewolves, to be honest), but it was entertaining, and it had this very Seinfield moment. And last, while I didn't expect much from X-Campus, I certainly didn't expect this:


Magneto, turned into a tinted-glassed, soul-patched douche.... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector Special #05: Autopsy Awards 2008 Nominations.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

I got your Autopsy Awards nominees right here! The voting will be via e-mail, because that's what I prefer. Send your votes to lordmagnusen at gmail.com, in the following form (each nomination has a code): "W01, A03, C02..."

Some of the awards are not subject to vote, as they are given solely on a numeric basis (most Dissected company, etc), or specially awarded for extraordinary "merit". Of course, the text for each dissection is the original one from when they were published, but I've added new comments for all.

The last two categories are actually about positive things that a comic book company or creator would be proud to win... unlike the other categories. I'm talking about the "Best Quote" and Best Moment awards. Now, the nominees:
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Best Writing Dissection:

There's a lot of nominees for this category, because there were just too many atrocities committed.
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W01-"OUTSOURCING LANTERNS." (The Dissector #102, 01/02/09)

COMMENT: This seems minor, but it shows a deep lack of knowledge of the Green Lantern myths... something that might not be important if you're writing GL as part of a larger non-GL Corps team (like the JLA), but it's very important when Green Lantern is one of the two main characters in your story.

TITLE: The Brave And The Bold V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: David Hine (writer).

DISSECTION: Hal Jordan and the Phantom Stranger go to aid Orlan, Green Lantern of Space Sector... 3897?!?!?!?!? Hine, if you wanted to write Green Lantern, you should have done your homework... the Guardians divide the Galaxy into 3600 sectors...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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W02-"I AM NOT A CROOK... I'M A KILLER!" (The Dissector #96, 10/23/08)

COMMENT: This is just too much...

TITLE: Two-Face: Year One (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 02.

CULPRIT: Mark Sable (writer).

DISSECTION: There's several dissections, but the worse one is the fact that Two-Face continues in the run for Gotham City DA; but he can't, he's a wanted criminal. Wanted criminals cannot be candidates in elections.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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W03-"SPANISHATION DESENCADENATED!" (The Dissector #73, 07/16/08)

COMMENT: I'm so at a loss for words on this dissection, that I should just make up a word in English for it...

TITLE: Blue Beetle V7 (DC).

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Jai Nitz (writer) & Sergio Aragonés (translation terrorist).

DISSECTION: God. Where to start? Let me say this: for a book with Hispanic characters as a star and most of the supporting cast, Blue Beetle has been surprisingly low on Spanish language mistakes. Until now. I initially cringed when they announced a special Spanish language issue, however, the high quality the book has displayed so far came to my mind, and trusted whoever would be writing it to find a good translator.

Then all my hopes were shattered when I saw the book cover and I found that they MADE UP A WORD!!! The cover reads "¡EL PARÁSITO DESTRAILLÓ!", and "destrailló" is not a real word. I'm familiar with many Spanish regional dialects from all over America, to varying degrees, and even with Spanish as spoken in Spain itself (by the way, the correct name of the language is actually "Castillian"); and I've even checked with other people, and in the Royal Spanish Language Academy Dictionary (which includes even the most outrageous regional slang you can imagine): this word does not exist. All the places I find it on the web are translations that seem to be done with translating software, which thought it was the Spanish word for "unleashed" (where "destraillar" would be "to unleash"). It's even spread to Wiktionary, where I just left a message in the discussion page to have it deleted.

(...)

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars; and I gave the other 57 language dissections an average of 7 Bazzars each. Oh, I just noticed... the writer's last name is "Nitz".... hehehe.
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W04-"Y IS THIS A DISSECTION?" (The Dissector #73, 07/16/08)

TITLE: Y: The Last Man (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Brian K. Vaughan (writer).

DISSECTION: Last one, and also from the vault, 2002 in this case. What's wrong with this sentence from the prologue? "This "gendercide" instantaneously exterminated 48% of the global population, or approximately 29 billion men." Easy, innit?

NOTE: The answer was, of course, that you cannot kill 29 billion men, since there's roughly only over 6 billion people on Earth;

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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W05-"THE HELMETS ARE FEELING BLUE." (The Dissector #65, 03/24/08)

COMMENT: Another dissection that shows that you should write what you know... or read up before writing about something you're not familiar with.

TITLE: Teen Titans Year One (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Amy Wolfram (writer).

DISSECTION: The UN Headquarters in NYC have their own, civilian, security force; there's absolutely no deployment of "blue helmet" DPKO (Department Of Peacekeeping Operations) troops inside of it. Then why are DPKO troopers pointing assault rifles and other firearms at Wonder Woman?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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W06-"UUUH..." (The Dissector #55, 02/13/08)

COMMENT: This is such a dumb error that it's unbelievable.

TITLE: Countdown To Adventure (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 08 (and previous issues).

CULPRIT: Adam Beechen (writer).

DISSECTION: Starfire and Animal Man are using solar panels to reflect sunlight; solar panels, by definition, absorb solar energy.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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W07-"A MATTER OF GRAVITY." (The Dissector #50, 12/02/07)

COMMENTS: Sometimes, you can see why science fiction is so hard, and some writers forget the "science" part too often.

TITLE: X-Men: Emperor Vulcan (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Christopher Yost (writer).

DISSECTION: The Scy'ar Tal, an alien race from which the Shi'ar stole the M'Kraan crystal (in fact, their name used to be M'Kran) have a weapon with which they drop "baby stars" through Shi'ar stargates, and used it to destroy the planet Feather's Edge by dropping one into their orbit. Ooook.... using stars as ammo... I'll let that one pass... But in this issue the X-Men, Starjammers, and Shi'ar find the Scy'ar Tal's "ammo depot", and it's a "solar nursery", with "dozens of stars (...) all in one place"; and starships and space stations can just cruise around, without being pulled into a star or torn apart. Right-y-o.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, I don't care what your technology level is, these are STARS, and I'm pretty sure I've seen the Starjammer's ship being stopped by a tractor beam, so there's no way they could navigate through a maze of stars!
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Best Art Dissection:

Not as many nominees as with the writing dissections; but quite a few. Most are so outrageous you don't even need to actually see the images.
<-------------------------------->
A01-"RETCON TOKEN!" (The Dissector #95, 10/17/08)

COMMENT: This could be a retcon, but it's so unnecessary and blatant, that it's angering.

TITLE: Venom: Dark Origin (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Angel Medina (penciller).

DISSECTION: Well, this is a big one... so Eddie Brock divorces his wife in this issue. We've seen her in the past issues, and something didn't look right to me... Then I noticed it: Brock's wife (who was briefly She-Venom in a 90s book) was blonde, and white... and in this book she's black!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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A02-"CIDADE MARAVILHOSA... NOT!"" (The Dissector #84, 08/13/08)

COMMENT: Good god, it's not like you can't get photos from the web...

TITLE: Casey Blue: Beyond Tomorrow (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Carlo Barbieri (penciller).

DISSECTION: Establishing shot of Sao Paulo... THE CRISTO REDENTOR STATUE WHICH IS ACTUALLY IN RIO DE JANEIRO!!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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A03-"HEART TO HEART." (The Dissector #78, 07/26/08)

COMMENT: Anatomy is a very important thing you know when you're an artist...

TITLE: Astonishing X-Men Sketchbook Special (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Simone Bianchi (penciller).

DISSECTION: A sketch of Cyclops new costume shows an X emblem over the right side of his chest, and a notation that the "X on his heart..." Uhm, Simone, the human heart is to the left of your chest.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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A04-"WORFZILLA." (The Dissector #68, 04/07/08)

COMMENT: Klingons are not gigantic...

TITLE: Star Trek: The Next Generation: Intelligence Gathering (IDW).

ISSUE: 03 of 05

CULPRIT: David Messina (artist).

DISSECTION: This was the best issue so far of the IDW TNG comics; even the art was better... but that's probably because apart from David Messina on the art, Gianluigi Gregorini is credited as "art assist"... Still, Messina still draws Worf in a scene as if he was three times larger than a human being. Psst, Dave... he's a Klingon, not the Hulk...

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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A05-"IT'S A BFG!" (The Dissector #65, 03/24/08)

TITLE: Teen Titans Year One (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Amy Wolfram (writer).

DISSECTION: Look at the picture below, and you'll see that Kerschl not only neglected to correctly represent the famous sculpture called "Non-Violence" (part of the UN art collection at its headquarters in NYC, and usually called "Knotted Gun"), but he also decided (perhaps writer Amy Wolfram too) to make it gigantic, just so Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl could stand on it and look down at normal people. Not only did they enlarge it; they couldn't even get the shape of the base well, and numerous other details in the sculpture itself.


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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A06-"ANYONE HERE SPEAK FRENCH? OR KRAUT?" (The Dissector #58, 02/28/08)

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Eric Trautmann (penciller).

DISSECTION: If (a) Marquis was wanted by the Gestapo, why is the poster in English, instead of French (or even German)?

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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Best Coloring Dissection:

There's one that's bound to win this category with a landslide...
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C01a-"OH NO HE DIDN'T!" (The Dissector #67, 03/27/08)

COMMENT: This one and the next are the same mistake, made two issues in a row, and it's outrageous. Just vote for C01 if you want this one to win.

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Santiago Arcas (colorist).

DISSECTION: Arcas incorrectly colors SUPERMAN'S CAPE SHIELD!!! He colors it as if it was the chest shield, blue and yellow

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Un-for-gi-va-ble.
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C01b-"WELL, IT'S JUST SUPERMAN, IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S GOT A CLASSIC, RECOGNIZABLE COSTUME." (The Dissector #72, 06/25/08)

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Santiago Arcas (colorist).

DISSECTION: Good God, Arcas! How can you work as a comic book colorist and not know that Superman's CAPE emblem is all yellow, not red and yellow like his chest one?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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C02-"FASHION EMERGENCY." (The Dissector #102, 01/02/09)

COMMENTS: This one's weak, but I wanted at least four nominees.

TITLE: The Brave And The Bold V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Brian Reber (colorist).

DISSECTION: Reber gives Hal Jordan white boots... ew...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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C03-"YOUNG AND UNTANNED..." (The Dissector #102, 01/02/09)

COMMENTS: The whole point of the "All-New" X-Men and the New Mutants after them was the multiethnic origins of the characters; now if you were South American, African, Native American or whatever origin you had, you had a character to "look up to"...

TITLE: Young X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: José Villarubia (colorist).

DISSECTION: Apart from mistakes in a Spanish name by the writer; Villarubia colors Dani Moonstar (a Native American) and Sunspot (mixed race Brazilian) as having Caucasian skin colors, exactly the same between them, and as Cyclops... To top that, he colors their eyes a very light blue, when they both have brown eyes; and a light blue for Dust, who also has brown eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Come on, coupled with artist Rafa Sandoval making Sunspot seem almost Asian, you can't even tell which characters they're supposed to be unless they tell you...
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C04-"SEE! IT'S NOT EVEN THE SAME GUY ONE MOMENT TO THE OTHER!" (The Dissector #107, 01/14/09)

COMMENTS: It's important to know a character's design before working with him.

TITLE: Countdown: Arena (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Guy Major (colorist).

DISSECTION: Major manages to color Monarch's eyes (incorrectly drawn by McDaniel, see above) blue in one panel, and brown two panels down.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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Best Lettering Dissection:

This category is harder than others, because a lettering error has got to be completely outrageous to be nominated.
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L01-"GOOD GOING, HELENA." (The Dissector #106, 01/13/09)

COMMENTS: Switched speech balloons make for funny or awkward situations sometimes.

TITLE: DC Universe Holiday Special (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer, Huntress story).

DISSECTION: Speech balloons get switched around, making the Huntress ask if a community service program run by herself is "Some sort of retarded helping program or something..."

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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L02-"WHERE'S WULVERINE AND NIGHTCRUWLER?" (The Dissector #61, 03/21/08)

COMMENT: This one is by far the funniest lettering error I've seen; coupled with the frilly font for such a macho character...

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 495.

CULPRIT: VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Pfft.... look below.


Hahahaha!!!! COLUSSUS!!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars
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L03-"TAROT, MISTRESS OF THE MEESTEEKL ARTS!" (The Dissector #51, 12/11/07)

COMMENT: Marshal... pft! I admit, this is probably an initial error on the writer's part, but the letterer should catch it. ("Magick" is not part of the error, by the way.)

TITLE: Tarot: Witch Of The Black Rose (BroadSword Comics).

ISSUE: 47.

CULPRIT: Holly Golightly (letterer).

DISSECTION: In page 20, panel one, a witch fights evil with "magick" (you see what I meant about pretentiousness?) and "marshal" art moves. "Marshal"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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L04-"TXTING NORSEMEN." (The Dissector #82, 08/11/08)

COMMENT: Very simple typos, but the end effect was funny.

TITLE: Northlanders (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Brian Wood (writer) and/or Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: So, in the 1100s you "plnt" your feet to defend your "communinty"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars each.
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Best Other Dissection:

A hard category, because again, things have to be very blatant, and not even trying hard was I able to find more than three worthy nominees.
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O01-"GUARDIANES DE LA GALAXIA! CON: MARTINEZ, PEREZ, ALVAREZ Y BORGES!" (The Dissector #104 (01/08/09)

COMMENT: Like I say in the dissection itself, it's only fair I come down on Spanish translators as hard as I do on English-speaking writers.

TITLE: Guardianes De La Galaxia (Forum/Marvel, translating Guardians Of The Galaxy V1).

ISSUE: 09 and 12 (same numbering as in US edition).

CULPRIT: Xavi Marturet (translator).

DISSECTION: With not enough dissections in this week to fill the requisite minimum of ten per column; I once more went to my Vault. I found some little gems I had stowed away, to show how it's not just English speaking writers who mess up other languages. One day, I'll write an article on the atrocities that are committed when translating comics to Spanish.

(...) in the middle of an issue, someone refers to the "Belt asteroid" ("asteroide Belt" in Spanish); making it obvious that the translator didn't know what an asteroid belt was. The funniest thing is, that when I went to Google what was Xavi Marturet up to know (his actual name is Javier Marturet); he had blogged about a Final Fantasy fan music video with an Evanescence song. He translated the lyrics to the song himself, and posted them along with the video, because (according to himself) "you don't wanna know the stinkers that pass for translations on the internet, they're horrible". The lyrics translation looks okay, but I hope he's learned what an asteroid belt was in these past 15 years.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars (...). I usually give wrong uses of the Spanish language (or other languages) in English comics 6 or 7; in this case I gave it a higher rating because those are uses of foreign languages to give certain scenes or characters a "flavor"; while what Marturet was doing was translating comics in their entirety to another language, for people to read and understand them, and he didn't even know what an "asteroid belt" was (heck, he couldn't even translate the word "belt" literally)...
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O02-"NEXT, IN A COMPLETELY UNRELATED COMIC!" (The Dissector #85 (08/18/08)

COMMENT: When you hype the next issue of a book, you might want to hype your own book... That very same week, and for another book, the same editors had the "Hot List This Week" and the DC Nation column from the week before.

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 23.

CULPRIT: Adam Schlagman (assistant editor) and Eddie Berganza (editor).

DISSECTION: Not a good week for Adam and Eddie when the last page of books is concerned. The legal indicia and "Next in..." at the end of the book are for Superman #678...

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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O03"SPANISHATION DESENCADENATED!" (The Dissector #73, 07/16/08)

COMMENT: This one was so big, that it had to be nominated for both categories.

TITLE: Blue Beetle V7 (DC).

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Jai Nitz (writer) & Sergio Aragonés (translation terrorist).

DISSECTION: God. Where to start? Let me say this: for a book with Hispanic characters as a star and most of the supporting cast, Blue Beetle has been surprisingly low on Spanish language mistakes. Until now. I initially cringed when they announced a special Spanish language issue, however, the high quality the book has displayed so far came to my mind, and trusted whoever would be writing it to find a good translator.

Then all my hopes were shattered when I saw the book cover and I found that they MADE UP A WORD!!! The cover reads "¡EL PARÁSITO DESTRAILLÓ!", and "destrailló" is not a real word. I'm familiar with many Spanish regional dialects from all over America, to varying degrees, and even with Spanish as spoken in Spain itself (by the way, the correct name of the language is actually "Castillian"); and I've even checked with other people, and in the Royal Spanish Language Academy Dictionary (which includes even the most outrageous regional slang you can imagine): this word does not exist. All the places I find it on the web are translations that seem to be done with translating software, which thought it was the Spanish word for "unleashed" (where "destraillar" would be "to unleash"). It's even spread to Wiktionary, where I just left a message in the discussion page to have it deleted.

(...)

What was the worse (or funniest, you decide) thing about this book? That when I got to the end of it, writer Nitz thanked Sergio Aragonés for "keeping it "verdadero""... Was Aragonés (who was born in Spain and grew up in Mexico) drunk? Pulling a prank on Nitz? Getting revenge for Nitz boinking his granddaughter? Because no one who actually knows Spanish would ever translate the issue as this one was... Complete and utter garbage; and the story isn't even up to Blue Beetle standards.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars; and I gave the other 57 language dissections an average of 7 Bazzars each. Oh, I just noticed... the writer's last name is "Nitz".... hehehe.
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O04"WELL, IT STARTS WITH "DYNAM", SO WE GOT HALF RIGHT, DIDN'T WE?" (The Dissector #88, 09/23/08)

COMMENT: This was just sloppy... They've since fixed it, but they never even answered my e-mail... ungrateful sods...

TITLE: Zorro Website (Zorro Productions, Inc.).

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Unknown.

DISSECTION: Zorro Productions, Inc., thinks that it's Dynamic Forces that's making the comic, instead of Dynamite Entertainment. I've e-mailed both companies (Zorro and Dynamite), to let them know.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Best Quote:

Those quotes that make you laugh, or go "wow, that's cool"... there where quite a few to choose from, but here are the very best... according tome, of course.
<-------------------------------->
Q01-"Yes. I am Tesla and you are all Edison. Which means I'll die penniless & alone in a hotel room while obsessively counting my pubes." Warren Ellis, Backmater, Doktor Sleepless #10. (The Dissector #106, 01/13/09)
<-------------------------------->
Q02-"I. Am. The. New. God. All is one in Darkseid. This mighty body is my church. When I command your surrender, I speak with three billion voices... When I make a fist to crush your resistance. IT IS WITH THREE BILLION HANDS! When I stare into your eyes and shatter your dreams. And break your heart. IT IS WITH SIX BILLION EYES! NOTHING LIKE DARKSEID HAS EVER COME AMONG YOU: NOTHING WILL AGAIN. I WILL TAKE YOU TO A HELL WITHOUT EXIT OR END. AND THERE I WILL MURDER YOUR SOULS! AND MAKE YOU CRAWL AND BEG! AND DIE! DIE! DIE FOR DARKSEID!" Darkseid and his choir of thralls, Final Crisis #5 (The Dissector #105, 01/09/09)
<-------------------------------->
Q03-"You have to get out of here! Your vagina is haunted!" Jon Webb, Tarot: Witch Of The Black Rose #53. (The Dissector #103, 01/07/09)
<-------------------------------->
Q04-"And Chas, no pressure or nothing, but if I and when I ever get back to London, I'm fully expecting to find the same shit-hole that was there when I left-- and not a pile of smoldering ruins, okay?" John Constantine, Hellblazer Presents: Chas-The Knowledge #5. (The Dissector #100, 12/03/08)
<-------------------------------->
Q05-"You are ejected from the sliding chute like phlegm from and old sailor's nostril." B.A. Felton, Knights Of The Dinner Table #135. (The Dissector #77, 07/24/08)
<-------------------------------->
Q06-"We're going to burn it all down. Because this is not the future we were promised. And if we can't have that, then we shouldn't have anything at all." Doktor Sleepless, Doktor Sleepless #6. (The Dissector #70, 05/08/08)
<-------------------------------->
Q07-"Sweetie, I'll make soup with your knickers!" Random gang-banger, Andrea D #1. (The Dissector #60, 03/10/08)
<-------------------------------->
Q08-"Come on, everybody! There's got to be an abandoned playing card factory around here somewhere." Joker leading his half of the prisoners of the penal planet, Salvation Run #3. (The Dissector #57, 02/26/08)
<-------------------------------->
Best Moment:

Moments that leave you speechless, or busting your gut with laughter. Hard to choose just one...
<-------------------------------->
M01-From The Dissector #94 (10/14/08), Norman Osborn makes good use of public exposure, and then, in private, shows us his plans. NORMAN OSBORN FOR PRESIDENT!



M02-From The Dissector #93 (10/7/08), John Constantine shows us what a white Christmas really means (BTW, that thing he snorts are powdered St. Nicholas' bones...):



M03-From The Dissector #87 (09/16/08), Gordo Sheckberry shows that you can join in on paintball wars even while wheelchair-bound... and with style! Also, this moment is the spark that lights the fuse on B.A.'s involvement in the war:



M04-From The Dissector #75 (07/22/08), Norman Osborn again, in a brilliant scene that shows (in an admittedly cliched way, but brilliant nevertheless) how utterly insane he is:



M05-From The Dissector #73 (07/16/08), the return of Barry Allen!


M06-From The Dissector #69 (04/9/08), a Legion Of Super-Heroes multi-page sappy moment that is, nonetheless, great:



<-------------------------------->
There you are; I’ll keep voting open for two weeks, or possibly a month, if not enough votes come in the first two weeks. Vote, it is your right, so says…

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #106.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Yes. I am Tesla and you are all Edison. Which means I'll die penniless & alone in a hotel room while obsessively counting my pubes." Warren Ellis, Backmater, Doktor Sleepless #10.

Well, second to last week of December, books out on 12/17. Last column's DT! was cracked by DrSilent, who correctly said that Green Arrow's original costume has red boots and gloves, unlike that flashback illustration I showed you. Before we get on with the rest of the column, let me tell you what The Dissector's Picks Of The Week were. Best Book Of The Week goes to Mighty Avengers #20; it was just a touching tribute to the Wasp, not one of my favorite characters, but a founding Avenger after all. Worst Book Of The Week was What If? Newer Fantastic Four, not because it was really bad, but because it was unnecessary... oh yeah, the art did suck.
<-------------------------------->
"GOOD GOING, HELENA."

TITLE: DC Universe Holiday Special (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer, Huntress story).

DISSECTION: Speech balloons get switched around, making the Huntress ask if a community service program run by herself is "Some sort of retarded helping program or something..."

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OVERPOWERED, MUCH?"

TITLE: DC Universe Holiday Special (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Adam Schlagman (writer, Dr. Light story).

DISSECTION: You know, I'm all for suspension of disbelief and pseudoscience and all that, but... What the jiminy blazes is up with Shimmer transmuting Dr. Light's shield (made of, well, light...) into a mirror? Shimmer transmutes matter... MATTER. Not energy.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE DISEECTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 105.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I hope this is my last self-dissection of the year... in fact, this shouldn't even count for 2008, because I posted #105 in 2009. Yeah, that's it. This is going into the 2009 Autopsy Awards files... What is it, you ask? Alex Maleev's HORRIBLE Namor had me seeing red, so I called the artist "Maalev". and Snakebyte (look kids, he's back! Good to have you back on board, Commodore-who-is-just-one-badge-away-from-being-a-Vice-Admiral!) noticed it.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NEW DISSECTIONS EXILED."

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Mark Paniccia (editor) and/or Jordan D. White & Michael Horwitz (assistant editors).

DISSECTION: Never mind the fact that, somehow, Mystiq and Cat merge together... Morph is again the topic of this dissection. Apparently, they're cancelling this book in a couple of issues... as long as they don't relaunch it as All-New Exiles, that'd be too much...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TREKSSECTION."

TITLE: Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Last Generation (IDW).

ISSUE: 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Andrew Steven Harris (writer).

DISSECTION: I was going to make a joke about how many colons these Star Trek titles have; but then I remembered that I neglected to comment on Majel Barret-Roddenberry's passing on my column. It's not comics, but it's part of our culture, and she was a driving force behind her late husband (Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry), as well as part of the franchise since the very beginning (she was the female first officer in the first Trek pilot; who had to be replaced because of network idiots thinking it was too avant garde), a character in the first show of the saga (Nurse Chapel); a great comic relief in TNG and DS9 (Lwaxanna Troi), and an ever-present voice in all Trek shows and movies (except for ENT), as the voice of the Starfleet computers. Godspeed, First Lady of Trek. Read more about her demise here.

Does it even matter what the dissection was, now? Well, I'll say it for the records: holographic life support. Right...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Data's eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"IS THAT SWAMPLAND CAMO OR DID YOU JUST GO POTTY IN YOUR PANTS?"

TITLE: Supergirl V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: Sterling Gates (writer) and/or Jared K. Fletcher (letterer).

DISSECTION: Alura In-Ze (Supergirl's mother, in case you failed "Who's Who In Kryptonian Society") calls General Zod's men "soilders"... are those like soldiers who soil their pants?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I DON'T WANT TO CATCH ANY TANGENT GERMS."

TITLE: Tangent: Superman's Reign (DC).

ISSUE: 10 of 12.

CULPRIT: Kanila Tripp (colorist).

DISSECTION: When are artists and colorists going to learn that John Stewart doesn't wear gloves as part of his costume?!?!?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Artist Carlo Magno also gets Guy Gardner's hair and costume wrong.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S GEO-FORCE... YAY!"

TITLE: Terra (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Steve Wands (letterer, as Swands).

DISSECTION: Geo-Force's speech bubble points directly to a villain Richard Faulkner.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, Geo-Force's eyes are colored incorrectly. But who cares, it's Geo-Force.
<-------------------------------->
"UNCANNY DISSECTION."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 505.

CULPRIT: Justin Ponsor (colorist).

DISSECTION: Look at this cover, and tell me what's wrong, color-wise:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I’M THE JAGANNĀTHA, BITCH!"

TITLE: X-Men: Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 219.

CULPRIT: Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: Professor X refers to the Jagannātha, where the word juggernaut comes from, but the accented "A" is smaller than the rest of the letters.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CONCHITA VENEZUELA MARIANA OXIGENADA FERNANDEZ RODRIGUEZ ESTEVEZ DE LOS PALOTES Y SANTA CECILIA... A SU SERVICIO!"

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: I'm willing to overlook weird names that don't really fit Spanish characters, like "Immaculata", or "Pasquale"; but the last name "de la Pulido" is just plain wrong. And there's tons of other Spanish language mistakes in this issue, as usual... nineteen more in fact.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Please Matt Wagner, STOP raping the Spanish language!!! It's painful!!!
<-------------------------------->
Column comes to a closing with a 6.6 Bazzars average on thirty-four dissections (thanks to Zorro up there). Before you leave, check out the Moments Of The Week, for there were plenty: First up, Crusader's story was heroic and touching... but that didn't make a difference to 3-D Man, did it?


... but not everything is lost when you wear a ring made out of a Cosmic Cube sliver:


This can be trouble, don't you think? Next up, Superman, pimpmastah!


What's Supes about to do with two underage (or at least, very young) heroines while the rest of the heroes party? Two heroines... AND A MONKEY!!! Next up, Tony pulls a fast one on Norman:


Priceless... And last, and completely least; if that's Katana, what the hell is she doing with that meat cleaver?!?!


She was recently on the TV show, but looked more like herself... who's this supposed to be, then? Beats me... we'll find out in a few weeks, I guess. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #79.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Pills for breakfast. I am so science fictional." Doktor Sleepless, Doktor Sleepless #07.

Okay, so I lost the roll I was on; but I'm still trying to catch up, with this issue being about books released on the week of 06/11, except for a straggler. Last column's DT! was solved by the Guvnor Paul C, welcome back to active duty! It was indeed the fact that Cannonball calls Lucas Bishop "Nathan", which is Cable's name.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week went to Titans V2; I like Judd Winick's writing, and even though Joe Benitez' art is weird sometimes, it's not bad; all in all, this is a fun read. On the other hand, GeNext #1 was horrible, with a horrible plot and script by Chris Claremont (with glaring dissections) and bland, unappealingly cartoon-like art by Patrick Scherberger. Off with you to the dissections, now!
<-------------------------------->
"COVER GIRL."

TITLE: Birds Of Prey V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 116.

CULPRIT: Mike Carlin (editor) and Elisabeth V. Gehrlein (assistant editor).

DISSECTION: Here's the straggler. I never noticed this until I checked Dominik B.'s review of the issue... the issue book is written by Sean McKeever, but the cover reads Gail Simone... who left the book some time again. Badge for you, Dom, one more and you make Lt. Commander!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. The freaking cover!
<-------------------------------->
"GOLD DISSECTION."

TITLE: Booster Gold V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Come on, this one's easy:



DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SORRY, DALE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 78.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Wolfie correctly spotted that I had credited Dale Eaglesham as the penciller for Justice Society Of America V3 #16, when it was Fernando Pasarin. Welcome to the HDSC, Wolfie!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DOKTOH SLEEPLESS."

TITLE: Doktor Sleepless (Avatar).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Warren Ellis (writer) and/or unknown (not credited) letterer.

DISSECTION: Doktor Sleepless' alter ego's name is spelled as Johh, instead of John.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GOOD GOING CHRIS, YOU REALLY KNOW YOUR MARVEL CHARACTERS!"

TITLE: GeNext (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer); and possibly Ed Dukeshire (letterer), but I doubt it.

DISSECTION: Sigh, where to start? Oh, I know... CLAREMONT!!!!!! BEAST IS HENRY MCCOY, NOT PYM!!!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, Nocturne is called "Josephene" instead of "Josephine", and the Colossus in this book is supposed to be the original Colossus' grandson; but since the school has only been open for 30 years, the timeline is a bit flaky (though I'm not counting this one as a nit).
<-------------------------------->
"LITTLE WING."

TITLE: GeNext (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Takeshi Miyazawa (artist, back up story).

DISSECTION: In the back up story with the original X-Men (a reprint from an X-Men Unlimited issue from some time ago), Angel's wings are drawn impossibly small.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"EL HASASINO!"

TITLE: Green Arrow/Black Canary (DC).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).

DISSECTION: One of the League Of Assassins dudes; I don't care what his name is, pretends to speak Italian or Spanish and says "Mio amigo", which is not right for either language.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SEÑOR ROBOT!"

TITLE: The Last Defenders (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Joe Casey (writer).

DISSECTION: The assassination performed on the Spanish language by Junta's robot continues.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BLURRED INK."

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Tom Orzechowski (letter) and/or Jordan D. White (assistant editor) & Mark Paniccia (editor).

DISSECTION: Inker Scott Hanna is not credited for his work.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also... MORPH!!!
<-------------------------------->
"RUN, MAMMOTH, RUN!"

TITLE: Salvation Run (DC).

ISSUE: 07 of 07

CULPRIT: John Kalisz & Tom Chu (colorists).

DISSECTION: God, what a lousy ending, for a lousy story. Again, Mammoth's hair is incorrectly colored.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Cheetah's missing her spots.
<-------------------------------->
"LUKE GETS PROMOTED, AND CHEWIE NEVER EVEN GOT A MEDAL!"

TITLE: Star Wars: Rebellion (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Jeremy Barlow (writer).

DISSECTION: Able calls Luke Skywalker "General", which he doesn't get to be until years later.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Well, this week's average Bazzars is 6.6, in fourteen dissections. Moments Of The Week? No, Moment. Dick Grayson shows his naughty side, after Starfire tells him she thinks of him when she's alone:

Smooth playa!

That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #70.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"We're going to burn it all down. Because this is not the future we were promised. And if we can't have that, then we shouldn't have anything at all." Doktor Sleepless, Doktor Sleepless #6.

Damn, that Doktor Sleepless quote is harsh, but it's a good example of the comics "philosophy", as it takes a definitely "punk-ier" turn. On another note, and before I go on with the rest of the column, I'd like to thank my new friend Julia, from Russia, who works for the same company I do; and gladly helped me with some Russian inquiries (yes, Mike Mignola did his homework for BRPD: 1946) when I contacted completely out of the blue. благодарю, Julia!

Thank you all for putting up with my delays, I've had some very busy weeks at work, and then I was sick, and then... then it makes it even harder to catch up, I'm way behind, but I've caught up before, I can catch up now, can't I? Speaking of catching up, let's get the introductory sections out of the way. The Dissect This! from last column (yes, almost a month ago, I know!) was that Morph is still not being acknowledged as Proteus in New Exiles. Both Snarf5181 (who's one badge from becoming a Lieutenant) and Snakebyte (who's just reached Lt. Cmdr.) found it.

Best book of the week was, without a doubt, Doktor Sleepless #6, as we get to learn more of Dok's plans and mindset; but Titans V2 #1 gets a special "I love cheesecake" mention, as you'll see in the Moments Of The Week. Worst Book Of The Week was the first issue of Number Of The Beast, it was just too generic for my taste. By the way, this is the column for comics published on the week of 04/09.
<-------------------------------->
"POPULAR BOOK."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 556.

CULPRIT: Zeb Wells (writer).

DISSECTION: The sacred Mayan text "Popol Vuh" is spelled incorrectly as "Popul Voh".

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ONE OF HIS POWERS IS CHANGING BETWEEN PANELS."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).

DISSECTION: Jimmy Olsen is wearing different pants and shoes than all the previous issues.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Kyle Rayner's emblem and hair are colored incorrectly, and Black Canary's costume is wrong,
<-------------------------------->
"IF IT'S A ROBOT, THEN IT'S NOT A DISSECTION, IT'S MORE LIKE... I DON'T KNOW...."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Scott Beatty (writer, backup origin story).

DISSECTION: What's wrong in this panel's writing? There's two problems, so, you can win two badges.


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars, both of them.
<-------------------------------->
"SHE'S A LIGHTHOUSE'S GIRL"

TITLE: Danger's Dozen Interlude (First Salvo).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Thad Branco (writer) and/or Norm Breyfogle (layouts) and/or Kevin Breyfogle (finishes).

DISSECTION: There's a book in the second-to-last panel of the story "Aman Ascendant", called "The Pharoh's Bride", and as far as I can find, "pharoh" is not an acceptable spelling for the title of the ancient Egypt ruler, but a common misspelling.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GREEEN."

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 23.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: Salaak. Ugh!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NEW COSTUME?"

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Dale Eaglesham (penciller).

DISSECTION: Hawkman's (hairy) chest emblem is drawn incorrectly, as a talon, not a hawk head.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Jay Garrick's boots are drawn incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"FLOWERS? YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BOTHERED!"

TITLE: Number Of The Beast (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 01 of 08.

CULPRIT: Scott Beatty (writer).

DISSECTION: Speedster Hotfoot runs through Tumbleweed (Wildstorm's Swamp Thing), and the former ends up in pain because "his body's natural fauna germinated" when he tried to vibrate through the latter. Oh no Scott Beatty, you didn't.... *sigh* First of all, it's called "flora", as "fauna" means "animal life". And second, as it's been previously established (remember this?), not just by me, but, oh, I don't know, THE WHOLE OF THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY, that the so-called "gut flora" is not really made of plants; that's an old misconception. It's made of microbial life such as bacteria, and as such, someone with control over plants cannot affect it, and much less, make it GERMINATE.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, and it's a double, for calling it "fauna".
<-------------------------------->
"SU PERMAN."

TITLE: Superman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 14

CULPRIT: Rob Clark Jr. (letterer).

DISSECTION: Tiny, very small dissection: one of Supes' thought balloons says "Pla net", with a space in the middle.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar, because there's no fractions.
<-------------------------------->
"CHEST, BUT NOT STARFIRE'S."

TITLE: Titans V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Ian Churchill (penciller).

DISSECTION: Like it happens all the time in Countdown, Kyle Rayner's emblem is drawn incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. It's also colored incorrectly, as are Raven's eyes.
<-------------------------------->
"PROCEDURE? WHAT PROCEDURE?"

TITLE: Wonder Woman V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer).

DISSECTION: Procanon Kaa, the Green Lantern from the Khund's sector takes on a Khund as his partner... just because Wonder Woman convinces him to do so. It doesn't work that way, partners are not chosen by individual Lanterns, they're chosen by the Guardians (or at least, by someone like Kilowog or Salakk), and they must go to Oa for training before they receive their "badge".

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, penciller Bernard Chang keeps drawing simply as muscular humans wiht pointy ears.
<-------------------------------->
We had a 6.5 Bazzar average, in eighteen dissections; not too bad. Now, the Moments Of The Week, first, we get Ian Churchill's lovely rendition of Starfire; who has definitely surpassed Jean Grey as "comics most hottest girl".


HUBBA HUBBA HUBBA!!! Cliff Baker is a lucky kid. Now, Mike Mignola's BRPD: 1946 is fun, it's got monsters, russians, and this scary demon in the shape of a porcelain doll, who also has a doll which, after this, is scary as hell:


Wear an apron. And why is BRPD cool, you ask, you need another reason? Well, this:


Nazi. Cyborg. Apes. Nuff said. Next, a simple superhero comic book moment, Superman pimp-punches Darkseid:


Dang! Also, from Countdown, they say a Green Lantern's ring is the most powerful weapon of the universe... then how about a Green Lantern himself?


Reminds me of some RPG sessions... Next, Doktor Sleepless' speech about love was too long for a "Quote Of The Week", but it's still great:


What do you think? Then we have the quote I ended up using, but the visuals are fantastic:


The Sleeplessignal! Then, things that can only happen in British comics (or TV):


Reminds me of a moment in the first Doctor Who Christmas Special (of this new era), where Rose, Ricky, and Jackie (plus the unconscious Doctor in his new body,) all hide inside the Tardis, and they start drinking tea, and Ricky says "Look at us, it's the end of the world and we're having tea. How British!" Next, Guy Gardner teaches us some poetry:


Heh, you tell that robot, Guy. Last, Cyborg tells the rest of the Titans why he's cooler than them.


Okay, he's not... but I love how oblivious the rest are to the fact that they are indeed sidekicks. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #61.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I'm Starman. I'm from the future. WEEEOOOOEEEE!" Starman (Thom Kallor), Justice Society Of America V3 #12.

Wow, this was fast; here's another installment of my catch-up, this time for the comics released on the week of 02/06; first week of February. In fact, I could have released this column a bit earlier; but I was waiting on the confirmation of one piece of data. Also, I thought it best to let you guys breath a bit. That quote up there just cracked me up, and it also got to be one of the Moments Of The Week. Now, on to the preliminary part of the column, last time's Dissect This! was spotted by Snakebyte, and it was the fact that the civilian who was asking about his pants had his legs painted blue... badge for ya, Snakebyte!

As it has become horribly usual, we have bad news; Dave Stevens, creator of The Rocketeer, passed away today, from leukemia, at the age of 52. May he be rocketing through the sky. But, I have to move on with this column, so the Dissector's Picks Of The Week are up next: Best Book Of The Week goes to All-New Atom #20; a perfect ending for Gail Simone's run on the book. Action packed, funny, intelligent, all she had has used to. It almost was Doktor Sleepless #5, but as fun as that issue was, it wasn't as shocking as other Dok issues are.

The Worst Book Of The Week is, without a doubt, Speed Racer: Chronicles Of The Racer #1, in which writer Arie Kaplan wants us to get behind the idea that the "Racer" in the character's name is actually a title, handed down for generations, including a Roman charioteer named "Swiftus Maximus" with supporting cast members like "Sparkus" and "Popadopalus"? Also, the art by Robby Musso and German Torres is amateurish, belonging in a low quality webcomic. I hope I'm strong enough to not read the next issue.... A little note before we start with the dissections; last column I recommended a blog called "Profiles In Villainy"; it's actually called "Comic Coverage", you can find the right link (and not just to one tag, as I gave before) in the links section of my blog.
<-------------------------------->
"WE'RE SHORT-STAFFED."

TITLE: Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 549.

CULPRIT: Marc Guggenheim (writer).

DISSECTION: Dexter Bennett, the new publisher/owner of the Daily Bugle (sorry, "DB") says that the newspaper's building houses "32 editors, 16 reporters, 8 photographers"; which I find hard to believe. The Washington Post has 784 news and editorial employees, and only if 10% of those work in their building, that's almost double what the DB seems to have. The New York Times, which The Daily Bugle is supposed to be an equivalent of sorts, has 350 staff writers... see where I'm heading? Furthermore, I've been to El País, one of the national newspapers here in my country (we're barely more than 3.5 million people in Uruguay), and I saw, just in one of the floors, well over sixteen reporters.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I USE BEAUTY CREAMS."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: Jesus Saiz & Tom Derenick (pencillers).

DISSECTION: Granny Goodness is drawn looking too young.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Harley's sandal's change between pages.
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"BATMAN'S A BIT WUSSY THESE DAYS..."

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 841.

CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).

DISSECTION: Are we really supposed to believe that Batman considers some hired goons from the "Wonderland Gang" (lead, apparently, by the Mad Hatter), who don't even have metahuman powers, "formidable threats"??!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"WHAT'S IN A NAM?"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 60.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Sully caught me, I wrote "Tome Derenick", instead of "Tom..."

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
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"JUSTICE SOCIETY OF DISSECTIONS."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: Dale Eaglesham (penciller).

DISSECTION: I complain about this regularly.


DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, it's reached that point.
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"IT'S BEEN SOOLONG..."

TITLE: Metal Men V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 08.

CULPRIT: Duncan Roleau (writer).

DISSECTION: Chemo (who's apparently sentient now, and the CEO of the evil corporation the MM face, don't get me started), says that Oolong has been liberated of its human overlords.... uhm.... last time we saw it, Dr. Cale was the head of state there...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Lead is called "Led".
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"SHOW SOME INITIATIVE, SCOTTY BOY."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 495.

CULPRIT: Ed Brubaker (writer).

DISSECTION: Tony Stark says that the government is pushing him to get the X-Men to register; to what Cyclops says that they're not "joining your Initiative. We're not working for the government." Seems to me that Brubaker does not understand what the Registration Acts entails; you don't have to work for the government, you just have to register if you have powers. If you want to be a superhero (regardless of whether you have powers or not); you have to register as one, and receive training and/or certification, but you don't have to work for the government if you don't want to.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"WHERE'S WULVERINE AND NIGHTCRUWLER?"

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 495.

CULPRIT: VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Pfft.... look below.


Hahahaha!!!! COLUSSUS!!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars
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This week we had just 10 dissections, and an equally low average: 5.3 Bazzars. Ah, never mind, let's enjoy the Moments Of The Week, shall we? First up, we have our quote of the week (or part of it)... it made me laugh hard:


Starman just wanted to make us laugh this week, and he went on to make out with himself:


Next, Spidey sings a variation to the lyrics of his theme song:


Uh-oh! Almost at the end, we get Ryan "Atom" Choi's fantasies:


He has the best super-villain induced hallucinations! And lastly, Doktor Sleepless blatantly lies to the authorities:


That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!