DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"We're going to burn it all down. Because this is not the future we were promised. And if we can't have that, then we shouldn't have anything at all." Doktor Sleepless, Doktor Sleepless #6.
Damn, that Doktor Sleepless quote is harsh, but it's a good example of the comics "philosophy", as it takes a definitely "punk-ier" turn. On another note, and before I go on with the rest of the column, I'd like to thank my new friend Julia, from Russia, who works for the same company I do; and gladly helped me with some Russian inquiries (yes, Mike Mignola did his homework for BRPD: 1946) when I contacted completely out of the blue. благодарю, Julia!
Thank you all for putting up with my delays, I've had some very busy weeks at work, and then I was sick, and then... then it makes it even harder to catch up, I'm way behind, but I've caught up before, I can catch up now, can't I? Speaking of catching up, let's get the introductory sections out of the way. The Dissect This! from last column (yes, almost a month ago, I know!) was that Morph is still not being acknowledged as Proteus in New Exiles. Both Snarf5181 (who's one badge from becoming a Lieutenant) and Snakebyte (who's just reached Lt. Cmdr.) found it.
Best book of the week was, without a doubt, Doktor Sleepless #6, as we get to learn more of Dok's plans and mindset; but Titans V2 #1 gets a special "I love cheesecake" mention, as you'll see in the Moments Of The Week. Worst Book Of The Week was the first issue of Number Of The Beast, it was just too generic for my taste. By the way, this is the column for comics published on the week of 04/09.
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"POPULAR BOOK."
TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 556.
CULPRIT: Zeb Wells (writer).
DISSECTION: The sacred Mayan text "Popol Vuh" is spelled incorrectly as "Popul Voh".
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"ONE OF HIS POWERS IS CHANGING BETWEEN PANELS."
TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).
ISSUE: 03.
CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).
DISSECTION: Jimmy Olsen is wearing different pants and shoes than all the previous issues.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Kyle Rayner's emblem and hair are colored incorrectly, and Black Canary's costume is wrong,
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"IF IT'S A ROBOT, THEN IT'S NOT A DISSECTION, IT'S MORE LIKE... I DON'T KNOW...."
TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).
ISSUE: 03.
CULPRIT: Scott Beatty (writer, backup origin story).
DISSECTION: What's wrong in this panel's writing? There's two problems, so, you can win two badges.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars, both of them.
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"SHE'S A LIGHTHOUSE'S GIRL"
TITLE: Danger's Dozen Interlude (First Salvo).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Thad Branco (writer) and/or Norm Breyfogle (layouts) and/or Kevin Breyfogle (finishes).
DISSECTION: There's a book in the second-to-last panel of the story "Aman Ascendant", called "The Pharoh's Bride", and as far as I can find, "pharoh" is not an acceptable spelling for the title of the ancient Egypt ruler, but a common misspelling.
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"GREEEN."
TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 23.
CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer).
DISSECTION: Salaak. Ugh!
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"NEW COSTUME?"
TITLE: Justice Society Of America V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 14.
CULPRIT: Dale Eaglesham (penciller).
DISSECTION: Hawkman's (hairy) chest emblem is drawn incorrectly, as a talon, not a hawk head.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Jay Garrick's boots are drawn incorrectly.
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"FLOWERS? YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BOTHERED!"
TITLE: Number Of The Beast (DC/Wildstorm).
ISSUE: 01 of 08.
CULPRIT: Scott Beatty (writer).
DISSECTION: Speedster Hotfoot runs through Tumbleweed (Wildstorm's Swamp Thing), and the former ends up in pain because "his body's natural fauna germinated" when he tried to vibrate through the latter. Oh no Scott Beatty, you didn't.... *sigh* First of all, it's called "flora", as "fauna" means "animal life". And second, as it's been previously established (remember this?), not just by me, but, oh, I don't know, THE WHOLE OF THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY, that the so-called "gut flora" is not really made of plants; that's an old misconception. It's made of microbial life such as bacteria, and as such, someone with control over plants cannot affect it, and much less, make it GERMINATE.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, and it's a double, for calling it "fauna".
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"SU PERMAN."
TITLE: Superman Confidential (DC).
ISSUE: 14
CULPRIT: Rob Clark Jr. (letterer).
DISSECTION: Tiny, very small dissection: one of Supes' thought balloons says "Pla net", with a space in the middle.
DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar, because there's no fractions.
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"CHEST, BUT NOT STARFIRE'S."
TITLE: Titans V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Ian Churchill (penciller).
DISSECTION: Like it happens all the time in Countdown, Kyle Rayner's emblem is drawn incorrectly.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. It's also colored incorrectly, as are Raven's eyes.
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"PROCEDURE? WHAT PROCEDURE?"
TITLE: Wonder Woman V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 19.
CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer).
DISSECTION: Procanon Kaa, the Green Lantern from the Khund's sector takes on a Khund as his partner... just because Wonder Woman convinces him to do so. It doesn't work that way, partners are not chosen by individual Lanterns, they're chosen by the Guardians (or at least, by someone like Kilowog or Salakk), and they must go to Oa for training before they receive their "badge".
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, penciller Bernard Chang keeps drawing simply as muscular humans wiht pointy ears.
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We had a 6.5 Bazzar average, in eighteen dissections; not too bad. Now, the Moments Of The Week, first, we get Ian Churchill's lovely rendition of Starfire; who has definitely surpassed Jean Grey as "comics most hottest girl".
HUBBA HUBBA HUBBA!!! Cliff Baker is a lucky kid. Now, Mike Mignola's BRPD: 1946 is fun, it's got monsters, russians, and this scary demon in the shape of a porcelain doll, who also has a doll which, after this, is scary as hell:
Wear an apron. And why is BRPD cool, you ask, you need another reason? Well, this:
Nazi. Cyborg. Apes. Nuff said. Next, a simple superhero comic book moment, Superman pimp-punches Darkseid:
Dang! Also, from Countdown, they say a Green Lantern's ring is the most powerful weapon of the universe... then how about a Green Lantern himself?
Reminds me of some RPG sessions... Next, Doktor Sleepless' speech about love was too long for a "Quote Of The Week", but it's still great:
What do you think? Then we have the quote I ended up using, but the visuals are fantastic:
The Sleeplessignal! Then, things that can only happen in British comics (or TV):
Reminds me of a moment in the first Doctor Who Christmas Special (of this new era), where Rose, Ricky, and Jackie (plus the unconscious Doctor in his new body,) all hide inside the Tardis, and they start drinking tea, and Ricky says "Look at us, it's the end of the world and we're having tea. How British!" Next, Guy Gardner teaches us some poetry:
Heh, you tell that robot, Guy. Last, Cyborg tells the rest of the Titans why he's cooler than them.
Okay, he's not... but I love how oblivious the rest are to the fact that they are indeed sidekicks. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
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