DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
".... my keen deductive mind says that Arcade is behind this. That and he had his face and name scrawled on the big rock. That was a tip-off." Jamie Madrox, X-Factor V4 #30.
I tried to catch up almost a month ago, and failed, big time. But I'll keep on trying, here's the column for the week of 04/16, and nobody found the answer to the Dissect This! from last column, I'm a bit sad at that. The answer was simple: the writer makes a distinction between android and robot; saying that robots are simple automatons with no free will, and androids are distinguished by having ambition. WRONG! R2-D2 and Johnny 5 are not androids, yet they have free will and aren't simple automatons; while some androids (for example, the animatronics at Disneyworld) that lack free will, or even intelligence. Quickly, The Dissector's Pick Of The Week for Best Book is Hellblazer #243, which reads like classic Hellblazer, and the Worst Book was X-Factor V4 #30... not because it's bad, but because it's not up to par with the usual quality one expects from Peter David (although there's funny moments like this week's quote), and the art is not that much. On with the dissections!
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"KRAUT POLICE!"
TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).
ISSUE: 11.
CULPRIT: Dan Slott & Christos N. Gage (writers).
DISSECTION: Blitzschlag's German is wrong. And I didn't even need Dominik for this!
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"THAT'S NOT OLLIE!"
TITLE: Batman And The Outsiders V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Chuck Dixon (writer).
DISSECTION: I'm sorry, but there's no way Grace can make Green Arrow trip. Yes, she has superpowers (half-Bana Amazon), but Ollie has at least 10-15 years of combat experience on her, plus that time in the island during the missing year.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"MARKOVIAN LANGUAGE INSTITUTE."
TITLE: Batman And The Outsiders V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Chuck Dixon (writer).
DISSECTION: This one comes from good ICS.net editor Dominik B.: "When Geoforce escapes from the Chinese missiles, he swears in Markovian, which is a country close to the Russian border. He goes “Zürflackt” and “Våerzelph,“ both of which are supposed to be Markovian obscenities. However, those are, if you have as much as an inkling of knowledge about eastern Europe/Western Asia, you will know that the å is a Scandinavian letter, not used anywhere else in the world. And Z’ürflackt has the ü in it, which is only used in German or the translated versions of Chinese or Arabic languages. However, neither of those countries are anywhere near Russia and given the geographical and geopolitical situation of the area, it’s highly unlikely that the language made it that far. So, Z’ürflackt to you too, Mister Dixon!"
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Badge for you, Dom, two more and you make it to Lt. Cmdr.
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"BARRY, BACK SO SOON?"
TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).
ISSUE: 02.
CULPRIT: Tom Chu (colorist).
DISSECTION: Wally West's eyes are colored blue, instead of green as they should.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"DYING YOUR HAIR AGAIN, OLD TIMERS?"
TITLE: DC/Wildstorm Dreamwar (DC/Wildstorm).
ISSUE: 01 of 06.
CULPRIT: Randy Mayor (colorist).
DISSECTION: Jay Garrick and Ted Grant's hair are colored incorrectly.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"JUSTICE LEAGUE OF DISSECTION."
TITLE: The Flash V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 239.
CULPRIT: Freddie E. Williams II (artist).
DISSECTION: Come on, this one is easy.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"LEGACY OF A BROKEN KEYBOARD."
TITLE: Iron Man: Legacy Of Doom (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01 of 04.
CULPRIT: David Michelinie (writer) and/or Artmonkeys Studios (letterer).
DISSECTION: Snakebyte spotted this one, there's a sentence that goes "You might have mentioned there was a war going on! Doom."; a random use of punctuation.
DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"YOU CHEETER!"
TITLE: Salvation Run (DC).
ISSUE: 06 of 07.
CULPRIT: Sean Chen (penciller).
DISSECTION: Cheeta looks like a regular human, and last I heard, she couldn't transform back.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Coloring errors too; Joker's eyes and Mammoth's hair.
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"GALILEO! GALILEO! GALILEO FIGARO!"
TITLE: Star Trek Year Four: Enterprise Experiment (IDW Publishing).
ISSUE: 01 of 05.
CULPRIT: D.C. Fontana & Derek Chester (writers) and/or Gordon Purcell (penciller).
DISSECTION: The Galileo shuttle is shown here, but being the year 2269, it should be the Galileo II, as the first and second Galileo shuttles (with no numeration in their name) were lost in 2267 and 2268. Good art, and everyone has their department insignia.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"OH, I KNOW, HE'S A MUTANT!"
TITLE: Star Trek Year Four: Enterprise Experiment (IDW Publishing).
ISSUE: 01 of 05.
CULPRIT: D.C. Fontana & Derek Chester (writers).
DISSECTION: What? Arex is a telepath? Since when? Yes, you can come up with this stuff, particularly if you're D.C. Fontana (we're not worthy!)... but never in his many animated series appearances, and handful of novel and comic book appearances has it ever been said that Arex is a telepath... so why start now, just for a cheap plot device, that could have easily been substituted with saying that his species has very sharp senses or something that wouldn't be as blatant as telepathy?
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"IF DADDY CLARK USES GLASSES AS A DISGUISE, I'LL DO THE SAME WITH CONTACT LENSES!"
TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).
ISSUE: 675.
CULPRIT: Comicraft (letterer).
DISSECTION: Artist Jorge Correa Jr. is credited as "Jorgé", which is atrocious.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Chris Kent's eyes are colored green instead of brown.
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"NO-EARTH."
TITLE: Tangent: Superman's Reign (DC).
ISSUE: 02 of 12.
CULPRIT: Dan Jurgens (writer).
DISSECTION: Again, New Earth is mislabeled "Earth-1".
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"WOLBERINE: ORIJINS."
TITLE: Wolverine: Origins (Marvel).
ISSUE: 24.
CULPRIT: Daniel Way (writer) and/or VC's Cory Petit (letterer).
DISSECTION: Snakebyte, who earns another badge, tells us that this comic uses 'hippocrite" instead of "hypocrite".
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"IT'S NOT M, IT'S N."
TITLE: X-Factor V4 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 30.
CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).
DISSECTION: Jeromy, Jeromy, Jeromy. M's skin should be dark, not as fair as Siryn's, and her eyes should be black, not light blue.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Twice. It's like he doesn't even know what character he's coloring. Also, Cannonball's accent in his story is gone.
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"LA WAKANDA, CUBA."
TITLE: X-Men: Divided We Stand (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01 of 02.
CULPRIT: Sana Takeda (artist, "Home").
DISSECTION: The streets of Wakanda's capital city look like a former European colony, including old, 1950s looking cars that make it seem more like Cuba.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Takeda draws a truck with a regular, fossil fuel burning exhaust, he obviously knows nothing about Wakanda.
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Twenty-one dissections, and an average of 7.0; not bad. Let's end this column with the Moments Of The Week, first up we've got one of Marvel's true heroes:
Then, Countdown To Final Crisis might not have been as good as 52, but it had cool moments like this fight between Darkseid and Orion:
Cool! Back to Marvel, we learn who that Captain America that the Red Skull and his buddies have in cold storage:
The Grand Director, aka Commie Smasher Captain America! More Marvel, Dum Dum Dugan does it Nick Fury style:
You'll be missed, Dugan. Speaking of old school, everyone knows that even a blind Deadshot is still deadly:
Look at those faces, priceless!!! And to end, it's Marvel's "Who's Killed More Mutants" ranking!
Oh, come on! Bolivar Trask shouldn't be allowed to compete, he's really in league of his own. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
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