The Dissector #191.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I wear pants because it's the law." Atomic Robo, Atomic Robo & The Deadly Art Of Science #2.

Second-to-last column of the year? Maybe! This is for books released on 12/15, and I might be able to finish the column for 12/22 books in time before the end of the year, but there's no way I can read all 12/29 books in time, much less write that column... but it should be out by the end of next week, and after that I'll post the Autopsy Award nominations. Speaking of Autopsy Awards, remember you can make nominations (copy/paste from a previous column:

"As you might now (and if you don't, you can read the first, second, and third editions of the awards), some awards are selected by reader votes from several nominations I select from the year's columns; such as Best Writing Dissection, Best Art Dissection, Best Quote, or Best Cover. Then there are awards that are given based solely on number of dissections, like Company With Most Dissections, Most Dissected Writer, or Single Issue With Most Dissections.

But there are also special awards, given for specific circumstances, for merit or lack of it. For example, I will probably select myself things like Breakout Book Of The Year, or Best Character Of The Year; but I will accept suggestions for awards that I might not think of myself; or even within categories used in previous years. For example, in the first awards, Cyclone (from the JSA) won an award for not having her costume depicted correctly in any of her appearances after her first one. That award has gone one to be called the "Cyclone Fashion Award To The Most Mutable Costume", and was won by Una in the second edition of the awards, and was expanded in the following edition to cover any character alteration, going to Norman Osborn's eyes, for changing contacts all the time (basically EVERY Marvel book during Secret Invasion and Dark Reign).

Then, within the same special awards, we have stuff like the "Creator That I'm Sorry I Have To Dissect Award", for people whose sheer volume of work makes it likely they slip up and I notice it, but they obviously very much care about their work, and on top of that, are nice people. Or the "Bloody Stumps With Blunt Crayolas Award", for underachievement in art; or the "Worst Character Depiction Although You Obviously Have Talent Award" for instances in which it's readily noticeable that an artist has a lot of talent, but (for example) decides to make Beast look like a humanoid goat, for example. And finally, there's the "Golden Bonesaw Award", for catastrophic underachievement, taken home in 2007 by Marvel for the many shapes of Beast, in 2008 by the Blue Beetle issue in Spanish, and in 2009 by IDW and their Zorro book for their year-long raping of the Spanish language. I will probably choose this one myself, but I welcome suggestions too."

Back to this column, last column's DT wasn't cracked. JohnnyDoe got close by saying that they have "Cerebro" and not "Cerebra", but that wasn't quite it. The X-Men's mutant locator has been called "Cerebra" for quite a while, but if Rogue wanted to refer to it, she shouldn't say "the original", because the original was "Cerebro". It's like saying "we've got the original New Coke"... Yes, it's a nuance... it's semantically correct, since they do have the first "Cerebra", but the original machine that fulfills that role is "Cerebro", and therefore, the only one that should be called "original".

Now, look at this very nice variant cover from Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #513, by Francesco Francavilla... very Kirby meets Frank Miller. Speaking of The Dissector's Picks Of The Week, Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #513 is Best Book Of The Week. While I don't agree with characters taking over the numbering of someone else's books (like Hercules taking over Incredible Hulk, or this, with Black Panther taking over Daredevil... are these issues going to count toward Daredevil's #600 issue?), I must admit that this was a great start for this run. David Liss, who has very little in the way of comic book credits (a Phantom Reporter special for Marvel's 70th anniversary line, and this very comic), has a considerable body of work in prose fiction, mostly historical-mystery novels... but he manages to make this "set-up issue" as enjoyable as any comic book pro's "full gear" run. Yes, his villain is kind of stereotypical, but this is a superhero comic, what do you expect? Add Francesco Francavilla's pulp-style art (pencils, inks, and colors), and you get a mixture of explosive Jack Kirby action and noir Frank Miller ambience... which is what you'd expect from a book where the Black Panther takes over Daredevil's job as protector of Hell's Kitchen. Go read it. Worst Book Of The Week was Superman #706... as much as G. Willow Wilson impressed me with "Air", her Superman issues are worthless. Stilted dialogue and mischaracterization make for bad stories... Perry White completely out of touch with the internet? Doubtful. Superman saying that he's "scared by the internet"? What?!? Add mediocre art by Amilcar Pinna and oddly phosphorescent colors by Rod Reis (who usually does good work), and you get a very bad comic which gives credence to those who say that Superman comics are boring and unattractive.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (why doesn't Peter show any wounds from his fight with Hobgoblin, only seconds after, and an accented letter), Batman (Riddler's hair should be black, Enigma's eyes should be blue), Black Panther: The Man Without Fear (bad Romanian dialogue, accented letter), Brightest Day (Mera shouldn't have flipper feet), Captain America: Man Out of Time (Rick Jones was recently shown to be a hacker and anti-authority paranoid, why does he not know what an APB is?), Green Lantern/Plastic Man: Weapons Of Mass Deception (numerous costume design and other errors), Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (Kilowog and Guy get incorrect badges), I Am An Avenger (inconsistent credit lettering), New Mutants Forever (ANDES! FUCKING ANDES!!!! Plus, Storm's eyes should not be white when she's not using her powers), Titans V2 (bad Italian and Portuguese), Velocity V2 ("replace" instead of "replaced"), What If? The Amazing Spider-Man: Grim Hunt (small ñ), X-Factor V3 (Shatterstar's eyes should be blue, not green).
<-------------------------------->
"THEM DRAWING MONKEYS."

TITLE: Avengers Academy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Rachel Pinnelas (assistant editor), John Denning (assistant editor), and Bill Rosemann (editor).

DISSECTION: Tom Raney pencilled this issue, but regular penciller Mike McKone gets credited for it.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"DOVE ASK, DOVE TELL."

TITLE: Birds Of Prey V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer).

DISSECTION: Dove's powers are listed, but many of her powers (such as one of her more visually distinctive ones, her enhanced agility) are missing, in exchange of shit like "she is the consciousness of the superhero community", when most heroes don't even have contact with her...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"DAS FAIL."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 190.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Donald313 doesn't rest, and he points out that the plural of "Glückwunsch" is "Glückwünsche".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"RETRO DT!"

TITLE: Outsiders V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 45.

CULPRIT: Carlo Barberi (penciller).

DISSECTION: From The Vault, this an old pet peeve of mine, old readers might remember.


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"VANISHING SENSE."

TITLE: Time Masters: Vanishing Point (DC).

ISSUE: 05 Of 6.

CULPRIT: Dan Jurgens (writer).

DISSECTION: Two powerful sorcerers scour all of time to find the most powerful weapon in the universe and then decide to steal one of the first atom bombs? What? Not to mention they had a Green Lantern captive...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Hal Jordan's badge is wrong on the cover and inside, as is his ring, and he's even missing his ring altogether in one page.
<-------------------------------->
With a 6.9 Bazzars average in thirty-eight dissections, we get a "high among normal" average rating for this week. Now, Moments Of The Week... from G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero, Cobra's sophisticated torture methods:


Amazing... and look who's back in Green Lantern:


Oh, shit... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #182.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"''Smoking while pregnant may seriously harm your baby's health'' I make a point of only buying packets with this warning... I figure the odds are it won't affect me. Though with my lifestyle, I can't rule it out." John Constantine, Hellblazer: City Of Demons #1.

Eventually, I will catch up... but not right now. Here's the column for comics released on 10/13 (mostly), so let's get on with it. Last column's DT!, or at least the gist of it, was cracked by Donald313... the problem is that the timeline in that Fantastic Four scene didn't fit. The problem is with the sliding timescale. The Fantastic Four got their powers at most 15 years ago; so if you make this 20 years ago, having Sue be 19 then and 39 now (a big stretch, because she shouldn't be 39, in Marvel's terms), sound files being something so outlandish would be stupid. There were other sound file formats in 1990; not mp3s exactly yet, at least not yet public; but the tech has existed for a long time... plus, they're wearing bell bottoms... both of them... I mean, you could have just worded the scene differently to achieve the same result, without fucking up continuity, know what I mean?

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week was Iron Man Legacy #7; good script by Fred Van Lente, nice art by Steve Kurth. I enjoy seeing The Pride in action, and Iron Man building himself up from his own broken pieces. Worst Book Of The Week? Well, Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Outsiders... geez, this series of one-shots is a failure. Bruce Wayne wearing power armor? The armor doesn't even have consistent powers or limits across the different one-shots; and how could anyone who knows Bruce be unable to notice it's him in that "Insider" suit? FOR GOD'S SAKE, HE'S GOT BAT-BLADES IN HIS GLOVES, A YELLOW UTILITY BELT, AND EVEN SORT-OF-BATARANGS!!! Worst of all, having read all the books now; only Katana, Oracle, and R'as notice on their own? Yes, the others suspect something, but Dick would notice faster than any of the others... The Outsiders book in particular has very bad art, and the writing, like in the rest of this series, leaves a lot to be desired.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man Presents: Black Cat (writer and editors retracted themselves from this, but in previous issues they'd referred as Felicia Hardy's dad as "The Cat", when he never used that or any codename... except, and they didn't mention this, in the Spider-Man animated series of the 90s...), Angel Vs. Frankenstein II ("incnetive" cover?), B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth New World (why announce a new numbering if you keep the old?), Booster Gold V2 (Zamarons are not yellow-skinned humans... not even before revealing their true shape), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Catwoman (Selina's eyes are colored incorrectly), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Outsiders (all signs and writing in Markovia is in English), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Batman And Robin ("niow" instead of "now"), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Batgirl (Damian is not a public member of the Wayne family, he shouldn't be making public appearances with them), Captain America: Forever Allies (inconsistent lettering in the "next month" page), Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (wrong badges and rings), Incredible Hulks (Beast looks wrong), Iron Man: Titanium! (accented letters), JSA 80-Page Giant 2010 (several costume and hair and eye coloring errors), Shadowland (someone should teach artists how sai are gripped), Spike: The Devil You Know (San "Fransisco"?), Strange Tales II (Wolverine's eyes should be blue, not brown), Superman V1 (Perry's eyes are colored wrong), Titans V2 (I understand giving Ray Palmer blue eyes, even though they should be brown... but blond hair? Also, Arsenal's eyes are wrong, and Batman's belt and gloves), Untold Tales Of Blackest Night (Hal's badge, and... since when is Donna Troy Cassie Sandsmark's mentor?), Warlord Of Mars (the writer can't keep the names of the Martian characters right), X-Men V3 (sai grip, dammit, sai grip).
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"SHOW ME THE SHAPE OF YOUR... TRACER."

TITLE: Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Red Robin (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Fabian Nicieza (writer) and/or Ramon Bachs (penciller).

DISSECTION: Not a bad issue; but nothing to write home about. My problem? The tracer Dick planted on Vicki Vale's bag was NOT shaped like a bat, yet now, for this series of one-shots, it is.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NEW DISSECTION FOREVER."

TITLE: New Mutants Forever (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Al Rio (penciller).

DISSECTION: So, what gives?


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"... THE SIZE OF MANHATTAN."

TITLE: New Mutants Forever (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: From the same man that gave us a Starjammer starship the size of Manhattan, and a coal-powered diesel train engine... now Warlock's made of "the primal substance of a star" and able to survive "temperatures hoter than the surface of the sun"??!?!?! Since when??!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Poppycock, Chris, poppycock. Also, there are several small accented letters, and I will NOT go with your "Nova Roma is in the Andes" idiocy, Chris.
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"THE UNWRITTEN CREATED BY MIKE CARREY AND PETER GROSE."

TITLE: The Unwritten (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).

DISSECTION: It's a story about writing and writers; and a journalist says "Hunter S. Thomson" instead of "Thompson"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"I'M A BEAST, I DON'T UNDERSTAND TECHNOLOGY."

TITLE: X-Campus (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Francesco Artibani (writer) or Luigi Mutti (translator).

DISSECTION: "Gigaterabytes of nanites"? What? You either have gigabytes, or terabytes... and nanites are physical nanobots; not information, data... which is what you measure in bytes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars each. Beast also refers to "the Sanskrit", and Logan's eyes are colored incorrectly.
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"MEDICAL SCIENCE, WHO CARES?"

TITLE: X-Campus (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Roberto Di Salvo (writer) or Luigi Mutti (translator).

DISSECTION: You can't have "anemic hemorrhage", you can have "hemorrhagic anemia". The term they used makes no medical sense.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
That's odd... despite several "10" ratings, the average was only 6.8 Bazzars in fifty dissections. Well, not important. Now, Cover Of The Week, from Tomb Of Terror, by Travel Foreman and Nathan Fairbairn:


Good job evoking the covers of those old horror books. Now, Moments Of The Week, first up Brainiac 5 does think of others:


Not too highly, but he does... Next, a robot with a sense of humor:


... and the correct laughter. Then, where is the Council Of The Spiders hiding?


My own backyard? Next, John Constantine, good neighbour:


He takes care of your mom! And Tony Stark...


pwnd! And who's Doctor Fate cribbin’ from?


Dr. Strange? Shame on you, Fate. And to finish this column, a peak at Kate Beaton's hilarious Spidery/Craven story for Strange Tales II:


I just love the faces she draws... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Alright, I'm preparing the column for the entire friggin' month of August, and The Rundown is monstruous... so here it is, in a separate post.

The Rundown: Action Comics (in the backup, Superboy blatantly betrays Superman's secret ID to Teen Titans and new characters who can't possibly be privy to that information), The Amazing Spider-Man Presents: American Son (double Osborn eye fuck ups), The Avengers V4 (Tony Stark's eyes are wrong, and Spidey, in the Avengers "book" at the end, reveals that the Green Goblin threw his girlfriend off a bridge... it's not like Gobbie does that every weekend), Avengers And The Infinity Gauntlet (Doom's eyes are wrong), Avengers Prime (really, Tony Stark doesn't know trolls are enemies of Asgard, and Steve Rogers doesn't know Midgard is Earth?), Batgirl V3 (not only accented letters are smaller than the rest, but now accents are horizontal lines above the letters, things just keep getting worse...), Batman: Odyssey (Kirk Langstrom is a zoologist, not a paleontologist, if this story is in Batman's beginnings, then Man-Bat can't be around so soon, Batman's mask-ears are jagged and broken at one point, then change and get fixed with no explanation), Batman Confidential (enough with Batman and Super not believing in the supernatural), Black Widow V4 ("refridgerator"?), Brightest Day (Mera's sister's troops are not "mercs"), Captain America: Forever Allies ("fortess" and... "Hilter"??!?!), Captain America V1 (Black Widow's eyes are miscolored in the backup), Darkstar And The Winter Guard (backup story has a typo), Doom Patrol V5 (Rita's eyes are wrong, "viola" instead of "voila", and there's no way Farr and Dayton adopted Gar Logan in 2006), Ex Machina (went back to re-read the first issue after the first one, and Hundred's eyes, a central part of his power's visible manifestation, are miscolored on the cover), Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (wrong badges, not carrying the lantern within their ring, the unknown sectors are several, not just one, and if Guy wants to keep stuff secret from the Guardians, why is he using his ring to record secret journals?), Green Lantern Corps V2 (lanterns can carry their lanterns inside their rings, stop using the lazy "my ring is out of power" plot device), Hellblazer (accented letter), Hercules: Twilight Of A God (the Skrull impersonating Herc calls Herc's son "father"), Hulk V3 (Marvel), Justice League: Generation Lost (your cunning plan of infiltrating Checkmate's base, The Castle, disguised as renegade Rocket Reds will fail if you, Fire, who used to work for them and just failed on an attack on it recently, if you LEAVE YOUR VERY DISTINCTIVE GREEN HAIR OUT OF YOUR HELMET IN A PLACE WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS WHO YOU ARE!!!!), Justice Society Of America V3 (Kyle's badge, lantern power levels), Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (Sun Boy's eyes are colored wrong, and Gates' world is "Vyrga", not "Vyraga"), Outsiders V4 (horrible Spanish), The Phantom: Ghost Who Walks (the Phantom's son looks black in a panel, for some reason), R.E.B.E.L.S. (misuse of alien language), Red Robin (Bat chest emblem wrong on Dick, wrong use of the word "mesomorph"), Shadowland: Moon Knight (accented letter), Shadowland: Blood On The Streets (a cop has an e-mail ending in @thepolice.com? Is he friends with Sting? And in Misty Knight's profile, the reference to pain dampeners is repeated.), Shadowland: Power Man (the Spanish is practically perfect, except for one wrong word and one wonky sentence... then there are several accents and ñs; and ninjas using katanas), Steve Rogers: Super-Soldier (accented letters), Superman/Batman (Batman has met the Legion before, he's seen enough advanced tech... and owns enough to not call the situation a "bad science fiction movie", Ultra Boy's powers are incomplete, and a costumed Clark acts as Superboy in public in Smallville, not jiving completely with the current storyline presented in Secret Origin), Superman V1 (smaller accented letters with accents that are also horizontal lines), The Thanos Imperative (the location of characters in a scene changes between panels, and speech balloons are switched between characters), The Unwritten (accented letters), Thor V1 (accented letters), Time Masters: Vanishing Point (the credits have a small error, Black Beetle is colored red, Hal Jordan's badge is wrong, and changes shape to another wrong one), Ultimate Avengers 2 (are we really supposed to believe that Nick Fury will put a tracking in the Punisher's teeth; where it can so easily be lost during battle?), X-Factor V3 (Monet's eyes are miscolored, and Rictor's are wrong first, then right), X-Force: Sex And Violence (there's no way Domino fit 237 girls in that small truck, and Boomerang can't fly), X-Men-Curse Of The Mutants: Blade (it's São Paulo, not São Paolo; Portuguese, not Italian mixed with Portuguese), X-Men Forever 2 (accented letter), X-Men V3 (for no discernible reason, Colossus is hauling an unconscious vampire around a vampire infested sewer... unarmored), Young Allies (inconsistent lettering in the credits page).

The Dissector #174.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Oh, Kermie! I've been thinking about how brave you are, promising to get rid of all vampires! (...) Yes, if the worst happens and you too are turned into a creature of the night, I will not spurn you! Though I must, must insist that you try not to... *gulp* ... ravish little moi. (I'll be lying on the sofa in my dressing room, if you're wondering. My window's always open. Kiss kiss." Miss Piggy, The Muppet Show: The Comic Book #8.

Yes, I'm horribly late. Around three weeks, I'd say, so I'm taking you through this first part quickly. First, I'll retract from column #167, when I said that in Captain America Fixer couldn't be working with Zemo; since it was referred to as a sort of scheme Fixer is in. My bad, one less dissection for Marvel, Captain America, and writer Brubaker.

Ensign Darryn needs a welcome into the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps, since he noticed correctly that H.A.M.M.E.R was an organ of the American government only, not an international enforcement organization like S.H.I.E.L.D. was. Best Book Of The Week? Flash #4, Geoff Johns and Francis Manapul at their best. Worst Book Of The Week was Teen Titans #85, horrible art and boring, confusing plot.

The Rundown: Age Of Heroes (Selena Gomez, not "Selina"), Artifacts (Spider-Man, not Spider-man, accented letter), The Authority: The Lost Year (accented letters), Avengers Assemble (complete lack of criteria for listing inactive and honorary members, calling Steve Rogers Captain America, saying that American Eagle joined the H.A.M.M.E.R., and calling a nickname an "alias"), Captain America: The 1940s Newspaper Strip (Captain America's pants look like shorts at one point), CBGB (the Voidoids are called the "Volvoids" at one point), Detective Comics (Batman's gloves, plus chest and belt emblems are wrong), Fantastic Four V1 (why are Reed Richards, Victor von Doom, and Ben Grimm attending college in what looks like the 50s?), G.I. Joe: Hearts & Minds (the credits page is for the stories from last issue), Green Lantern V4 (Hal Jordan's badge starts out right, then changes shape), Green Lantern Corps V2 (John Stewart's badge is wrong), Green Arrow V4 (Hal's badge is wrong on the cover and inside art), Justice League: Generation Lost (there is no way Captain Atom weights 750 kilos), Justice League Of America V2 (accented letter, wrong badge on Kyle Rayner, calling Vic Stone a "doctor"), Outsiders V4 (wrong Spanish, accented letter), Secret Avengers (wrong eye color on Ant-Man), Star Trek: Burden Of Knowledge (Uhura's badge is missing), Tarot: Witch Of The Black Rose ("bo" staff, not "bow" staff... and even then, saying "bo staf" is redundant), Teen Titans V3 (Beast Boy has weird action figure feet, and Kid Flash complains that his legs are trapped so he can't use them to create a whirlwind... but he can do that with his arms), Thor V1 (fifteen accented letters, Thor's eyes get colored green), World War Hulks: Captain America Vs. Wolverine (Reed Richards builds Cosmic Cubes?), World War Hulks: Spider-Man Vs. Thor (Spider-Hulk not Spider-Man), X-Campus (Wolverine's eyes and hair are miscolored in one story, a letter is missing in a word, and an accented letter is smaller than it should be), X-Factor Forever (if they're 30 minutes away from Genosha, how do they get there in the space of four or five sentences in the same conversation?), X-Men Forever 2 (Ororo's eyes are miscolored, and since when does Jean establish "flash-links" with her telepathy?)
<-------------------------------->
"THE WIDENING MAN."

TITLE: Batman: The Widening Gyre (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: Kevin Smith (writer).

DISSECTION: I love Kevin Smith, and Widening Gyre (and the previous mini) is a fun read, but writing comics is not his forte. In particular, someone talks about having a 17th century crossbow with a 21st century firing pin. Crossbows do not have firing pins, modern firearms have firing pins. Guns, unlike crossbows, operate by setting off an explosion that propels the bullet, and that is what the firing pin is for. Crossbows, on the other hand, propel bolts by using a string.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, why is there a "SUPER HIGH HIGH VOLTAGE" sign in the Batcave's power plant?
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"DARNIT, THERE IS NO WAY OF SOLVING THIS!"

TITLE: Peter Parker (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Tom Peyer (writer).

DISSECTION: I understand how Peter Parker is very responsible and gets all worked up about stuff he feels is his fault... but reacting like there was no way to recover the information about the people that AIM had brainwashed was a bit too much... not when there's amazing technology in the hands of good guys, and when even with real world methods their true identities would be possible to recover.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"INVITE ME IN, PLEASE."

TITLE: Spike: The Devil You Know (IDW).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Bill Williams (writer).

DISSECTION: I know each fictitious vampire mythology or franchise has its rules... for example, a stake through the heart in Buffy means they turn to dust; while in Vampire: The Masquerade, it only sends them into a sort of mystical coma. Sunlight burns most vampires, it didn't burn Dracula, and it makes Edward sparkle... but that's not my point...

In Buffy, vampires have to be invited to enter a private residence, and it seems it even extends to places privately owned, even if they're not residences. There are a few workarounds, and specifics, of course, like not needing someone to actually own the place to invite you in as long as they live there (Buffy could invite Angel into her house despite the property being owned by her mother).

But how is it possible that Spike suggests his companion (a demon or half demon) enter a warehouse, spend a few minutes inside it, and then be able to invite him in? It makes absolutely no sense.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"VAULT TIME!"

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 31.

CULPRIT: Matthew Clark (penciller).

DISSECTION: Blast from the past, with a 2006 book. I complained about this a lot back in the day:


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"GOOD GRIEF."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 526.

CULPRIT: Whilce Portacio (penciller).

DISSECTION: Unless it's a blatant mistake in a character design, or setting, I usually leave bad art alone. In this case, I can't, not when it goes completely against the script, and not when I know the artists is capable of much, much better. Look at this:


How does this say "grief"? Did Whilce even read the script? Did he hand out random panels to his assistants? *shakes head*
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. That's just hideous, and on top of that, it flies in the face of the script.
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"SAT-SACK."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 526.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: I don't think there is anything like SATs in Canada. Yes, the character could be referring to taking SATs to qualify for a US college, but...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. A few other character design and script errors.
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Seventy dissections, and a 6.3 Bazzars average. Regular fare. Cover Of the week is this very nice piece by Leinil Francis Yu:


Rogue is always pretty to look at (you know, after her first appearances, anyway), and Magneto looks majestic. Moments Of The Week! From Teen Titans, was this really necessary?


Niiiiiiiceeee... Then, Larfleeze discovers Santiclaus.


Going into space, John Byrne gifts us the old "two characters played by the same actress", but in a special way:


For those of you not in the know, those are "Number One", original first officer of the Enterprise, and Christine Chapel, both of them played by Majel Barrett-Roddenberry. If the dates had allowed it, throwing in a Lwaxana Troi would have been heaven. Next, Jim Balent designs one of the most awesome weapons ever:


No, not the chick, the katana/gun. And last but not least... when did Tony Stark join the cast of Jersey Shore?


Good Lord, Tony has better style than that! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #167.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"You've probably noticed a teenager in the building lording over you, treating everyone as if they have the mental capacity of toast. No, not me--the other one." Amadeus Cho, Heroic Age: Prince Of Power #2.

And here's another week, more or less in time. Last week's DT! was spotted, just in the nick of time, by David, who correctly pointed out the fact that Colonel Nazi's medals seem to be placed just on his ribcage, and not in any sensible place for military medals. Badge for you, and welcome to the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps, Ensign David!

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are pulp, completely. One is a good example, however, and the other one is... crap. The Best Book Of The Week is Tom Strong And The Robots Of Doom #1; the return of Tom Strong to comics is an occasion of joy, and while writer Peter Hogan is not Alan Moore, he seems to be able to carry on... and well, Chris Sprouce is made for this book... well, he made this book. On the other hand, you have DC's Doc Savage #3... It's been just barely passable until now, but this issue's script was a mess, all over the place, characters don't have their own voices, the action is confusing... writer Paul Malmont is slipping, and he wasn't standing very tall to begin with. And Howard Porter's art is irregular, and too manga-inspired to be appropriate for Doc Savage... not only that, but look at the faces he draws. That's from issue #2; #3's art is marginally better, it was actually Malmont's writing that made me choose it as a Worst Book Of The Week... JG Jones covers, however, could win Cover Of The Week any time now... just not this week, sorry.

The Rundown: Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis (Emma is shorter than Wolverine, basically a midget, McCoy says "mutant pathology" instead of "physiology", Storm not only has a mohawk, but the mohawk has a pony tail that's two meters long... she didn't have that last issue, Emma's hair is super long too, Storm's eyes are white when she's not using her powers, Beast looks like a bulldog, and Armor's eyes should be blue), Avengers Academy ("iriduim" instead of "iridium", Reptil's eyes should be green, not blue), Batman (Riddler's hair should be black, and while awesome-looking, the Batcave plans included at the end of the book look absolutely nothing like what's actually shown in the comics), Captain America V1 (how is Fixer with Zemo?), Doom Patrol V5 (a caduceus as a medical symbol, accented letter), The Expendables (horrible Spanish, accented letter), Heralds (She-Hulk's hairstyle is nothing like it's currently, accented letter), Justice League: Generation Lost ("da Costa", not "Dacosta", Captain Atom's boots should be blue), Kato (Naoko is a female name, and a guy is called that by Kato), Meta4 (another caduceus...), Outsiders V4 (Alfred's full head of hair is nothing like he's shown in other books), Titans V2 (Deathstroke's boots are wrong), Ultimate Avengers 2 ("Leanord" instead of "Leonard"), Ultimate Comics Spider-Man (JJJ's eyes are brown on the cover, yet correctly blue on the cover), X-Men: Hellbound (accented letter), X-Men Forever 2 (it's "tesseract", not "tesserect", Chris; accented letters, and Ororo's eyes are white while not using her powers), Young Allies (Spanish, accented letters).
<-------------------------------->
"A KISS UNDER THE MISTLETOE."

TITLE: Heroic Age: Prince Of Power (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Greg Pak & Fred Van Lente (writers).

DISSECTION: Vali Halfling menaces Hebe with "mistletoe bullets"? I'm sorry, but that's lazy... I mean, I'm pretty sure they know that mistletoe only harmed Balder in the Norse myths because it didn't sign the same agreement all living creatures had signed... even if you say it's specially enchanted mistletoe... it's wrong, it's like using specially enchanted kryptonite to kill DC's Captain Marvel... Use something from the Greek myths, come on.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN."

TITLE: The Rawhide Kid V4 (Marvel)

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Ron Zimmerman (writer).

DISSECTION: Cristo Pike makes a reference to "Tonto", and the context he makes it in doesn't make it seem like anything but a reference to the Lone Ranger's companion...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, the word "comanchero" is wrongly spelled "commanchero"; and in a weird scene, Rahwide Kid enters the town jail to find Annie Oakley inside a cell... but then she's outside or he's inside or something and it's very weird...
<-------------------------------->
"HAB SOSLI' QUCH!"

TITLE: Star Trek: Leonard McCoy, Frontier Doctor (IDW).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).

DISSECTION: Sum qeylIS 'etlh, John Byrne! There is no Klingon emperor in the time period you're writing your comics!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"X-MEN: SECOND DISSECTING."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 525.

CULPRIT: Terry Dodson (penciller).

DISSECTION: An impenetrable force field surrounds the San Francisco area, and while Reed Richards and Tony Stark put their minds to bringing it down, Thor and The Thing put their might to it. But what's wrong with this picture?


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Reed Richards' eyes and Dr. Nemesis' hair are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
Well, a 7.1 Bazzars average in 45 dissections... pretty high, as things go... but that was to be expected this time around. Now, Cover Of The Week is this wonderful Chris Sprouce pencilled cover, with Karl Story on inks, and Carrie Strachan on colors:


Just... beautiful. The Moments Of The Week are exactly five, and here goes the first one:


You see, Hank Pym's not one of my favorite characters, but I like him when he's well written. Then, Bendis and Lafuente know how to balance humor with drama and action in Ultimate Spidey... and here's some humor:


Hehehe... Then, Ted McKeever's Meta4 had just the right amount of weirdness, but without resorting to excessive oneiric crap like other writers do. The cover, however, made me think of El Eternauta a bit:


I don't know, I wonder if Ted has read El Eternauta. Now, back to Marvel, Spider-Man and Dr. Strange compare notes:


This was a pretty oneiric LSD trip mini, but readable, and this part made me smile. But this made me laugh:


Tanjing funny! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #157.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"(...) you're fools... and, man, I PITY you!" Bosco "B.A." Baracus, A-Team-War Stories: B.A.

Yes, that quote's from 03/24, but I just got it now, and there wasn't anything that caught my eye from 03/31, which is the week this column covers. JohnnyDoe cracked the DT! from last week; Ares' corpse in Asgard's "triage room" looked nothing like it should after the Sentry "broke it". Badge for JD.

Best Book Of The Week was Hellblazer #265, nothing particularly special, but I enjoyed Simon Bisley's art, in a more polished style than usual, and Milligan's script was a good read too. Nice send off for Malcom McLaren. Worst Book Of The Week was Outsiders #28, I'm not sure why I still read this crap. DiDio, stick to editorial duties.

The Rundown! Adventure Comics V1 (Colossal Boy's eye color is wrong, and so are Matter Eater Lad's gloves), The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Juggernaut's eyes are the wrong color, "Michele", and "Amana" Conner), Detective Comics (Veronica Cale's eye color is wrong), Gotham City Sirens (Riddler's hair color is wrong), Justice League Of America V2 (Batman's chest and belt emblems are wrong, and the chest one changes between pages; Blackest Night is over, and Aquaman and the Martian Manhunter are referred to as still dead), New Mutants V3 (accented letters), X-Men: Second Coming (the X-Mansion is too "intact", Psylocke's eyes are colored incorrectly), X-Men Forever V2 (Ro's eyes are white while she's not using her powers, Daisy Dugan's eyes start out green, then they're blue, then they're green again; Nick Fury's eye is colored incorrectly; Beast has normal eyes first, then blank eyes next; accented letter). Dissections?
<-------------------------------->
"EMOTIONAL SPECTRUM."

TITLE: Blackest Night (DC).

ISSUE: 08 of 08.

CULPRIT: Alex Sinclair (colorist).

DISSECTION: Well, apart from Hal's badge being wrong several times (including both covers), and other Lantern badges and rings being wrong too; which was all expected, there's a series of coloring errors by Sinclair (who had nothing to do with the art mistakes). Carter Hall, Ronnie Raymond, and Boston Brand all have blue eyes, but Sinclair decides they all have brown eyes... and to boot, gives Hawkman black hair, when his hair is brown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars for each coloring dissection.
<-------------------------------->
"CLOAK AND MARRIOTT."

TITLE: Cloak and Dagger V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Mark Brooks (penciller).

DISSECTION: Dagger goes to her quarters on Utopia... and they look like a large apartment or house, with perfect wood floors, expensive looking furniture, kitchen appliances, and even doors leading into other rooms. Really? When everybody, including Cyclops, has been shown living in small, utilitarian quarters on Utopia?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Rockslide also has details drawn into his eyes, when they should just be blank, and Dr. Nemesis hair, which should be grey, is colored a bright yellow.
<-------------------------------->
"I CAN'T COUNT TOO GOOD."

TITLE: Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts (IDW).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Zander Cannon (writer).

DISSECTION: Now, Zander Cannon (whose name still sounds AWESOME) wrote a nice miniseries; which could have been shorter, granted, but still was TNGish enough to be an episode of the show; and Javier Aranda's art in this issue, while ugly, is technically correct enough to make me think he probably grew hands or got cybernetic replacements. Makes me think of a Star Trek roleplayer who had a character with "positronic hands"... ignoring the fact that what was positronic about Data was HIS BRAIN, and it was a feature related to artificial intelligence, NOT HANDS!!!

... but I ramble. In this last issue, Geordi is getting some numerical data from one of the aliens-of-the-week-from-the-planet-of-the-week (Allios IV), to solve a technical conundrum posed by a specific piece of technology developed in that planet. He can't make heads or tails of the numbers he's being fed, and struggles to understand them, and after a great deal of effort... realizes the aliens, who have six fingers on each hand, use a base-12 number system. Yes, Geordi, a professional engineer, who is one of the best Starfleet and the entire Star Trek universe has to offer, only realizes that about a civilization whose technology he's been studying for what seems to be days? Even if it's just hours, THE FIRST THING YOU HAVE TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT WHEN STUDYING SOMETHING LIKE THAT, SO HEAVILY DEPENDING ON NUMBERS, IS WHAT SYSTEM THEY USE!!!

Me, I'm ashamed I never realized the aliens had six fingers on each hand, and it was never mentioned before. But it'd be in the first page of whatever Wikipedia entry Geordi consulted about this planet.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Data's rank insignia are wrong, showing him as just a Lieutenant, Chief O'Brien is also a Lieutenant, and his eyes are colored wrong.
<-------------------------------->
"GENERATIONS..."

TITLE: Superman & Batman: Generations (DC).

ISSUE: TPB (originally from issue #3 of the mini, I believe).

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer... and penciller, inker, letterer, book stapler, delivery boy, comic book shop owner, buyer, reader, reviewer). Seriously, just the first three, and as writer for this dissection.

DISSECTION: An old one, from a 1999 mini (and its 2000 TPB), as a DT! Since I didn't have a good one from current comics, I went into my Vault. This should be easy, and I'm ashamed of Byrne, as much as I love his work.


DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, colorist Trish Mulvihill gives Lex Luthor blue eyes, when he has green ones.
<-------------------------------->
Average this week was 6.7 Bazzars in thirty-seven dissections. High, at least within the usual range. Cover Of The Week isn't really that much, but since there weren't any impressive covers this week, I settled on this one:


Nice work, as usual, by Jan Duursema, it'll certainly not be a nominee for Cover Of The Year, but it's pretty to look at, and better than the rest of the covers from this week. The first Moment Of The Week is from the Blackest Night finale:


Scary! And from the same book, something that was predictable, but still pretty cool:


I just noticed the Martian Manhunter has pants, but no shirt. What gives? Now, still in DC, but in Vertigo, generational gaps:


I feel like that sometimes around my younger friends or co-workers. And a Marvel moment as a finish:


Nice little exchange between Cyclops and Nightcrawler. Too bad their understanding didn't last much... Nightcrawler learned about the current's X-Force license to kill soon after this. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #151.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I leave a lot behind, but never the whisky." John Constantine, Hellblazer #264.

Welcome to this column for comics released on 02/17, which is late, I know. The DT! for this week will have a deadline for next week's column, since we have another column coming out tomorrow. What about last week's DT!? Well, as usual, Lt. Cmdr. JohnnyDoe noticed that Superboy says he's whistling a note so high that not even Wonder Girl should be able to hear. She doesn't have super hearing, and while my friend Kal reminded me that Wonder Woman has enhanced senses, not only I don't think she has supersonic hearing, I don't think Cassie has the same powers. Kal then pointed out that Cassie might have potential higher power levels than Diana, as she is the daughter of Zeus; but still, while she might have the potential for those powers, she hasn't shown them at all.

Let's get on with The Dissector's Picks Of The Week, shall we? Best Book Of The Week was Doomwar #1. While Jonathan Maberry's Black Panther is not excellent, it's readable... but Doomwar? WHAM! Good art, great pacing and story. Just go read it, and you'll guess what I've chosen for Moment Of The Week from that book. Worst Book Of The Week? Outsiders #27. The art's not bad, but the story is b.o.r.i.n.g., I tell you. BTW, there's still time to vote on the 2009 Autopsy Awards, basically because I haven't gotten around to writing up the winners, so your vote can still count.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man (MJ's eyes are colored wrong), Avengers: The Initiative (Tigra's eyes are colored wrong, then change to their normal color), Avengers Vs. Atlas (Tony Stark's eyes are wrong), Batman: Streets Of Gotham (Batman's gloves are wrong), Black Widow: Deadly Origin (Natasha's eyes are wrong in some parts of the story), Black Widow And The Marvel Girls (Storm has never been a "refugee"), Captain America V1 (accented letters), Doomwar (Ororo and Logan have their eyes colored wrong, Wakandans are holding protest signs in English... AND IT'S WAKANDAN, NOT "WAKANDIAN"), Green Lantern V4 (Hal's badge), Green Lantern Corps V2 (Kilowog's badge, and "Lanterns Light" instead of "Lanterns' Light" in the multiple oath), The Incredible Hulk V1 (Banner's eyes are wrong), Psylocke (wrong eye colors for Matsu'o and Psylocke), Web Of Spider-Man V2 (Man Mountain Marko should have blue eyes, and Ben Reilly's eyes start off green, then change to his normal brown). Dissections now!
<-------------------------------->
"BATDANCE!"

TITLE: Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 696.

CULPRIT: Tony S. Daniel (penciller).

DISSECTION: Look at this, let's start with the DT!, what do you see wrong here?


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Batman's globes are wrong, and Robin's emblem is incorrect, as well.
<-------------------------------->
"COMMODORE ROBERT APRIL'S FOOL."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 147.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I wrote "Star Trek: Deep Space: Nine Fool's Gold" instead of "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Fool's Gold". Of course, I noticed this while looking at my previous DS9: FG dissections, while writing up the ones in this column.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SO HOW THIS MAKES HAPPEN?"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 148.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: A few mistakes in that column: "So, how is a Norseman in the know this 600 years"; "This kind of illiterate moron spells like that"; and I left a couple of the ratings with the comics in The Rundown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each, just to be though on myself.
<-------------------------------->
"RORSCHBAT."

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 42.

CULPRIT: Mark Bagley (penciller).

DISSECTION: Batman's chest emblem is wrong when the comic starts, and then changes... into another wrong version.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Batman's belt is also wrong, as well as Hal Jordan's badge, and Ray Palmer's eyes. What's odd is that Hal's badge is wrong on the cover, but almost right (enough to pass as right) inside the book, and both cover and interior art are credited to Mark Bagley.
<-------------------------------->
"COMMANDER OF FIXING STUFF."

TITLE: Star Trek: Deep Space: Nine Fool's Gold (IDW).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: David Messina (alternate cover artist).

DISSECTION: Messina gives Chief O'Brien the rank insignia of a Commander, when he's a Chief Petty Officer, and no matter how messed up O'Brien's rank insignia history has been, this is a hell of a mistake.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Oddly enough, I just realized that while the book is identified with its full name in the legal indicia, solicitations, and websites, but on the actual book covers it's only "Star Trek" large on one line, and "Deep Space Nine" smaller below it. Odd, isn't it? They're not doing that with ST: TNG: Ghosts, and I don't remember them doing it with previous TNG minis.
<-------------------------------->
"MOONLIGHTING."

TITLE: Star Trek: Deep Space: Nine Fool's Gold (IDW).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Fabio Mantovani & Davide Amici (colorists).

DISSECTION: I know DS9 is sometimes shorthanded, but why is there a blue-uniformed science or medical Starfleet crewmember working security?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
This column has a 6.9 Bazzars in a total of thirty four dissections. High, kinda. Now, let's get this over, first we've got the Cover Of The Week, Doomwar #1, by Jelena Djurdjevic.


Great piece in this series of celebration of Marvel’s 70th anniversary, nice to see 80s Storm in a modern light. Now, Moments Of The Week, first up, hiring process in Tesladyne:


Remain Calm, Trust In Science. Of course, the other applicant got killed by the vampires. Next, more Doomwar:


You. Do. Not. Fuck. With. The. Wakandan. Royal. Family. Also, you don't mess with Spidey's home:


Badass. I think NYC is as much as part of Spider-Man as Gotham is part of Batman. And last, in every Earth, he's an addict:


Selling everything for bubblegum? Speedy, you've got a problem. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #117.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

05-06"I give you the one... the only... ... original reproduction of... ... the Nautilus!" Unnamed announcer, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Volume III: Century #1.

05-13"Relax. You're bridge crew. All gold and blue. (...) You're not red shirts, you two are fine. Security doesn't always make it home as much as you guys." Boyd, Star Trek: Mission's End #3.

05-20"Man, the guy's gotta be crazier than Norman Osborn's hairdresser." Ant-Man, about Ghost, Thunderbolts #132.

Well, it looks like I caught up! For how long? We'll see... This is the column for the first three weeks of May; as you can see in the quotes. Let's start with The Dissector's Picks Of The Week, shall we? The Best Book Of The Week for 05/06 was The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #593, as usual, a good read. Worst Book was Seaguy: The Slaves Of Mickey Eye #2... boring, inane crap disguised as "wacky". Best Book for 05/13 was Action Comics #877, showing that Action doesn't need Superman to work; while the Worst Book was Trinity #50... God, that series has been a huge failure...

Best Book Of The Week for 05/20 was the Sgt. Fury & His Howling Commandos one-shot; just some fun WWII adventure with more or less the same tone I'm enjoying in Atomic Robo. Worst Book was Superman/Batman #60... Lex Joker? ARGH!!! Also, I don't want to make a dissection out of this, but in X-Men Forever, Chris Claremont changed Gambit's name to Remy Picard... PICARD?!?!??! WTH?!?!!???!?!?

On a lighter note, nobody got the DT!, that's a pity. The dissection there was that both Sodam Yat and Arisia were referring to Scar, the corrupt Guardian Of The Universe as a "he", when Scar is female. Books indexed that don't get a write-up are: The Amazing Spider-Man V1, The Amazing Spider-Man Family, Angel: Blood And Trenches, Astonishing Tales V2, Marvel Mystery Comics 70th Anniversary Edition, New Mutants V3, Outsiders V2, Seaguy: The Slaves Of Mickey Eye, Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Romulans, Strange Adventures V2, Terror, Inc.: Apocalypse Soon, Thunderbolts, and Tiny Titans. And now, dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"BATTLE FOR THE DISSECTION."

TITLE: Batman: Battle For The Cowl (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Tony S. Daniel (writer) and/or Jared K. Fletcher (letterer).

DISSECTION: This one might be too easy.


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, as usual, the Riddler's hair and eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"PLEASE, COME IN... NO! NOT YOU!"

TITLE: Captain Britain And MI13 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Paul Cornell (writer).

DISSECTION: So, Dracula and his cronies get into a house because they were outside it, listening in when the owner invited Pete Wisdom and his team? They weren't invited and they could still get in? WTF???

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"X-DISSECTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 116.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Snakebyte caught (as usual), one of my mistakes. I had the X-Factor/X-Terminators wrong; and the reference I check wasn't clear enough, I should have checked a second reference. To clarify, the five original X-Men used the X-Factor when they pretended to be mutant hunters, and as the X-Terminators they were a team of mutants. This lowers the average of the previous column to 6.4, and the amount of dissections to 73. My apologies to Kurt Busiek and Roger Stern.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, J. Corbin found some grammatical errors; achieving the rank of Lieutenant in the HDSC. Incidentally, I repeated one of those errors in this column, but the grammar checker caught it!
<-------------------------------->
"FIRESWRONG."

TITLE: Final Crisis Aftermath: Run (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Matthew Sturges (writer).

DISSECTION: Sturges write Firestorm as concerned for Martian Manhunter, calling him "J'onn", as if it was Ronnie Raymond, when it's Jason Rusch. Jason hasn't even served in the JLA alongside with J'onn, so this is out of character. On another note, he's also colored incorrectly, and there are several errors in John Stewart's costume.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN THIS FUTURE, SHE MARRIED HENK MCOY."

TITLE: GeNEXT: United (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Chris, you created the damn character, GET HER NAME RIGHT!!! It's "CECILIA", not "CECELIA". For the love of God, the name "Cecelia" doesn't even it exist.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"STEALING SPOCK'S CLOTHES."

TITLE: Star Trek: Mission's End (IDW).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Stephen Molnar (artist) and John Hunt (colorist).

DISSECTION: Why is Ambassador Sarek wearing a Starfleet uniform? Incidentally, Ambassador Cassidy wears a Starfleet uniform too, but since she was part of the original survey team to the planet, so she could be a Starfleet officer and a Federation ambassador at the same time (as unlikely as that would be).

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M SEEING WHO YOU ARE, RIGHT AT THE DNA LEVEL!"

TITLE: Supergirl V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 41.

CULPRIT: Sterling Gates (writer).

DISSECTION: I'm sorry, but I won't accept that Supergirl can read DNA with her microscopic vision.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ARMOR CLASS 10 (YES, I'M OLD SCHOOL)."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 510.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: Matt, why are you writing Armor as a scared little girl, when she's an X-Man that's proved herself time and again?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I WILL CONSIDERTAE YOUR PROPOSAL."

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: You know how I always rant about the Spanish language mistakes this book has? Well, now they can't even write in English... The word is "consideration", not "considertaion".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Of course, there are also thirteen Spanish dissections.
<-------------------------------->
This column had an average of 6.5 Bazzars, in forty-seven dissections. Now, let's go with the Moment Of The Week(s); first, with the Human Flame:


AKA Ron Jeremy? Next, Nick Fury gives cooking lessons:


And lastly, Tiny Titans continues to amuse:


He's the Main Man, so give me fifty push ups! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #114.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

02/11: "Yeah, dawg, I saw Galactus and Galactus is a PIMP. Who else be dressin' in a purple suit with a big tricked out hat like that? (...) Probably lookin' to put that fine Invisible Woman on the street." Street thugs, Galactus: The Real Story.

02/18: "Man, say what you want about me... Good looks, gravitas, iconic costume design. But man, does my timing el suck-o. They asked me to be an Avenger when I was in high school... I said now. They asked me when I was in college... and I said no. Young adult, nope. NOW I say yes. Now, when there's no mansion, no butler, no tower, no Quinjet, no big table with an "A" on it... I get to hide in fake Captain America's basement and wait for things like this. I truly am a genius." Spider-Man, New Avengers #50.

02/25: "You might feel a little prick--... wait, that came out wrong!" Ant-Man, Thunderbolts #129.

You'll notice there's three quotes of the week... yes, I know, because this is a special, rest-of-February column; and I'll try to write one for March, and one for April, to catch up. That said, I'll go quickly through The Dissector's Picks Of The Week(s). For the week of 02/11, the Best Book was R.E.B.E.L.S. #1; as a LSH-related book it caught my attention, and it's also very good... as I said when I found about it, Andy Clark's art is fantastic; unfortunately, issues 4 and 5 have been solicited with art by other people... I hope Clark returns. Worst Book of that week was Batman #686, Neil Gaiman tries to be Silver Agey and succeeds... in boring me.

Best Book for the week of 02/18 was Amazing Spider-Man #587; my love for BND ASM is no secret. Worst Book for that week was New Exiles #18; last issue of an unbearable pain... please Marvel, give Chris Claremont a pension package that doesn't allow him to write... On the other hand, Best Book for the week of 02/25 was Blue Beetle #36; another last issue, of a book I'll miss greatly. Luckily we'll still see Jaime in Teen Titans and in other places (like Brave And The Bold, occasionally). Worst Book Of The Week was Trinity #39... it's not particularly bad, but there wasn't anything worse this week.. yet Trinity is consistently bland and boring.

Nobody cracked the DT! from the last regular column... come on, it was very easy! If you look closely, Wolverine's not wearing gloves, yet he has the metal "exits" for his claws on the back of his bare hand. That's it, then, dissections! Oh, wait... you know how I usually give an entry to only the most glaring errors in a book, and reserve repeat errors in the same issue, or minor stuff as just a mention; and save them for the final counts of averages and the like? Well, in these emergency catch-up columns I'll flat out not give entries to entire issues. Suffice it to say that there were a lot of boring mistakes in the following books: Avengers Invaders, Batman, Blue Beetle, Doctor Doom And The Masters Of Evil, Justice Society Of America, Galactus: The Real Story, Mighty Avengers, Ms. Marvel, New Avengers, Sgt. Rock: The Lost Battalion, Supergirl, Superman/Batman, Tangent: Superman's Reign, The Phantom: Ghost Who Walks, Trinity, Vigilante, X-Men: Legacy, X-Men Origins: Sabretooth.

There, now you get dissections:
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"DECESIONS."

TITLE: Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 587.

CULPRIT: Marc Guggenheim (writer).

DISSECTION: A cop confesses that they "deceded" to frame Spider-Man so they could "do jobs" (instead of "our jobs). Thanks to Snakebyte for noticing this, badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars each.
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"SENSE YOUR FIRE!."

TITLE: Battlestar Galactica: Cylon War (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Joshua Ortega & Eric Nylund (writers).

DISSECTION: Admiral Ben Tanner orders the "sensation" of hostilities...

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"HE MANIPULATED OUR FEELINGS ABOUT HIM."

TITLE: Dark Reign Files (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator) or any of a number of writers not specifically credited for each profile.

DISSECTION: Among other mistakes, Daken's profile is missing his pheromone powers, which are what make him stand out from the original Wolverine.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"IN DISSECTED NIGHT!"

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 33.

CULPRIT: Patrick Gleason (penciller).

DISSECTION: Easy one.


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"DUDE, YOU'RE RAD!"

TITLE: Hulk V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Jeph Loeb (writer).

DISSECTION: The Silver Surfer's name is given as Norrin "Rad", when it's Radd.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"OH THAT? JUST A HOBBY."

TITLE: Outsiders V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: Geo-Force says he has no responsibilities to leave behind to join the Outsiders... WHAT ABOUT RULING AN ENTIRE COUNTRY!?!!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"BOUNDARIES SCHMOUNDARIES."

TITLE: Star Trek: Countdown (IDW).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman, Mike Johnson & Tim Jones (writers).

DISSECTION: Well, there's several mistakes in this comics (ambassadors wearing Starfleet uniforms, science officers seating in navigation consoles, etc, etc). But the one that stands out the most is Data saying a Federation starship has authority to confiscate cargo inside Romulan territory.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"DROID OF HOLDING."

TITLE: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Henry Gilroy (writer).

DISSECTION: An R2 unit has a 20cm x 8cm internal storage area (remember the one where R2 hid Luke's saber?), yet R2-D2 has space for three lightsaber, complete with a rack and launcher.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"JEWELRY."

TITLE: Titans V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Howard Porter (penciller).

DISSECTION: Whatever necklace Vixen is wearing, that's not the Tantu Totem.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"NO A LA BLOQUEO!"

TITLE: Umbrella Academy: Dallas (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Gerard Way (writer) and/or Gabriel Bá (artist).

DISSECTION: Nice Cuban propaganda poster... if only you'd asked someone who actually spoke Spanish before making it.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"CLOSE YOUR EYES."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 506.

CULPRIT: Terry Dodson (penciller).

DISSECTION: Cyclops needs to sleep with ruby quarts goggles on to avoid blasting the hell out of everything, including his woman, when he opens the eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Matt Fraction, what the hell is "Refugiados del mutante" supposed to mean?
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"FICTITIONAL GEOGRAPHY."

TITLE: Vixen: Return Of The Lion (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: G. Willow Wilson (writer).

DISSECTION: For the fifth time, Zambesi is the village, M'Changa is the country.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"WHETMAN."

TITLE: Whatmen (IDW).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Scott Lobdell (writer).

DISSECTION: Funny parody, but it should be "funeral" not "funereal".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzars.
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"FEMDROID?"

TITLE: Wildcats V5 (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Christos Gage (writer).

DISSECTION: Maxine to Spartan as an android, as if she's not one. Well, honey, you're human-shaped, that makes you an android.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"IT'S WOLVERINE, NOT CABLE."

TITLE: Wolverine: Manifest Destiny (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Stephen Segovia & Paco Diaz Luque (pencillers).

DISSECTION: What the hell is that one inch thick steel cable inside Wolverine's body?!??!


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"I PREFER JUTIPER."

TITLE: Wonder Woman V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 29.

CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer).

DISSECTION: "Zues"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"I CHANGED MY MIND, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A PULSE ANYMORE."

TITLE: X-Force V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: Craig Kyle & Christopher Yost (writers).

DISSECTION: Beautiful Dreamer (a mutant) is infected with the Legacy Virus, so her powers (manipulating memories) flare out of control; so she causes civilian deaths by "wiping their brains, making them forget to tell their hearts to beat". Well, your brain has absolutely nothing to do with your heart beat.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. I'm sure there's lots of other mutants they could have used. Few other mistakes, too, art-wise. Particularly, if you're going to do painted art, keep mind of what colors you're using on character's hair and such.
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"FORGET ABOUT THEM, THEY GOT MASSACRED, SO THEY DON'T COUNT. IT'S LIKE THE VIKING COLONY IN NORTH AMERICA."

TITLE: Young X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Marc Guggenheim (writer).

DISSECTION: First mutant nation, and it's not Genosha? Nope, not even in an alternate future... which is evidently based upon the present timeline.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"EAT MY SHORTS, SARGENT GARCÍA!"

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: You can spell words incorrectly, forget accents, fuck up font sizes, etc. But having an angry villain scream "AY, CARAMBA!"??!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. You know it's not the only mistake in this issue... it's just one of twenty nine.
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Well, I'm certainly taking my time writing this... the average was 6.4 Bazzars in 84 dissections... quite normal, all taken into consideration. And now, the Moments Of The Week(s)! First up, From 021/11, Harry falls off the wagon...


And on the glider! Next, Wolvie's happy memories:


Predictable, right? Week of 02/18, Nightwing causes cameltoe in mature ladies:


Well, his tights are tight... Then... she knows stuff, and she's back!


She's all grown up, lookither! Last, from 08/25, a shocking cartoon moment:


Holy shit, Batman and Blue Beetle just KILLED A DUDE!!! WTF??!?!?!?!? I cry bloody... digital murder, they're teaching our kids it's okay to kill artificial intelligences!!!

That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!