Alright, I'm preparing the column for the entire friggin' month of August, and The Rundown is monstruous... so here it is, in a separate post.

The Rundown: Action Comics (in the backup, Superboy blatantly betrays Superman's secret ID to Teen Titans and new characters who can't possibly be privy to that information), The Amazing Spider-Man Presents: American Son (double Osborn eye fuck ups), The Avengers V4 (Tony Stark's eyes are wrong, and Spidey, in the Avengers "book" at the end, reveals that the Green Goblin threw his girlfriend off a bridge... it's not like Gobbie does that every weekend), Avengers And The Infinity Gauntlet (Doom's eyes are wrong), Avengers Prime (really, Tony Stark doesn't know trolls are enemies of Asgard, and Steve Rogers doesn't know Midgard is Earth?), Batgirl V3 (not only accented letters are smaller than the rest, but now accents are horizontal lines above the letters, things just keep getting worse...), Batman: Odyssey (Kirk Langstrom is a zoologist, not a paleontologist, if this story is in Batman's beginnings, then Man-Bat can't be around so soon, Batman's mask-ears are jagged and broken at one point, then change and get fixed with no explanation), Batman Confidential (enough with Batman and Super not believing in the supernatural), Black Widow V4 ("refridgerator"?), Brightest Day (Mera's sister's troops are not "mercs"), Captain America: Forever Allies ("fortess" and... "Hilter"??!?!), Captain America V1 (Black Widow's eyes are miscolored in the backup), Darkstar And The Winter Guard (backup story has a typo), Doom Patrol V5 (Rita's eyes are wrong, "viola" instead of "voila", and there's no way Farr and Dayton adopted Gar Logan in 2006), Ex Machina (went back to re-read the first issue after the first one, and Hundred's eyes, a central part of his power's visible manifestation, are miscolored on the cover), Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (wrong badges, not carrying the lantern within their ring, the unknown sectors are several, not just one, and if Guy wants to keep stuff secret from the Guardians, why is he using his ring to record secret journals?), Green Lantern Corps V2 (lanterns can carry their lanterns inside their rings, stop using the lazy "my ring is out of power" plot device), Hellblazer (accented letter), Hercules: Twilight Of A God (the Skrull impersonating Herc calls Herc's son "father"), Hulk V3 (Marvel), Justice League: Generation Lost (your cunning plan of infiltrating Checkmate's base, The Castle, disguised as renegade Rocket Reds will fail if you, Fire, who used to work for them and just failed on an attack on it recently, if you LEAVE YOUR VERY DISTINCTIVE GREEN HAIR OUT OF YOUR HELMET IN A PLACE WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS WHO YOU ARE!!!!), Justice Society Of America V3 (Kyle's badge, lantern power levels), Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (Sun Boy's eyes are colored wrong, and Gates' world is "Vyrga", not "Vyraga"), Outsiders V4 (horrible Spanish), The Phantom: Ghost Who Walks (the Phantom's son looks black in a panel, for some reason), R.E.B.E.L.S. (misuse of alien language), Red Robin (Bat chest emblem wrong on Dick, wrong use of the word "mesomorph"), Shadowland: Moon Knight (accented letter), Shadowland: Blood On The Streets (a cop has an e-mail ending in @thepolice.com? Is he friends with Sting? And in Misty Knight's profile, the reference to pain dampeners is repeated.), Shadowland: Power Man (the Spanish is practically perfect, except for one wrong word and one wonky sentence... then there are several accents and ñs; and ninjas using katanas), Steve Rogers: Super-Soldier (accented letters), Superman/Batman (Batman has met the Legion before, he's seen enough advanced tech... and owns enough to not call the situation a "bad science fiction movie", Ultra Boy's powers are incomplete, and a costumed Clark acts as Superboy in public in Smallville, not jiving completely with the current storyline presented in Secret Origin), Superman V1 (smaller accented letters with accents that are also horizontal lines), The Thanos Imperative (the location of characters in a scene changes between panels, and speech balloons are switched between characters), The Unwritten (accented letters), Thor V1 (accented letters), Time Masters: Vanishing Point (the credits have a small error, Black Beetle is colored red, Hal Jordan's badge is wrong, and changes shape to another wrong one), Ultimate Avengers 2 (are we really supposed to believe that Nick Fury will put a tracking in the Punisher's teeth; where it can so easily be lost during battle?), X-Factor V3 (Monet's eyes are miscolored, and Rictor's are wrong first, then right), X-Force: Sex And Violence (there's no way Domino fit 237 girls in that small truck, and Boomerang can't fly), X-Men-Curse Of The Mutants: Blade (it's São Paulo, not São Paolo; Portuguese, not Italian mixed with Portuguese), X-Men Forever 2 (accented letter), X-Men V3 (for no discernible reason, Colossus is hauling an unconscious vampire around a vampire infested sewer... unarmored), Young Allies (inconsistent lettering in the credits page).

The Dissector #150.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Guy swears his satellite TV gets a channel from Hell. Trouble is, how would you tell?" John Constantine, John Constantine, Hellblazer: Pandemonium.

Last weekend to vote on the Autopsy Awards, folks! For now, we'll go with the column for comics released on 02/10. JohnnyDoe cracked the DT! from last week, Vicki Vale says "...generous to Gotham over time years, but...", when it should have been "over the years" or "over time". Badge for you, man.

Best Book Of The Week was Secret Six #18; conclusion to the Secret Six/Suicide Squad Blackest Night "team up", or rather, the Ostrander/Simone writing team up. Good story, good art, good Black Lantern disposal, and good memories. And the Moment Of The Week that really made my jaw drop, see at the end of the column. Worst Book Of The Week was Action Comics 886, with a boring Kryptonian mythological story, told as a sort of illustrated bible with lots of narration boxes, more like a storybook than a comic book... ACTION. COMICS. That clue you in, Rucka & Trautmann? I like both of you as writers (and Trautmann is a great guy, never talked to Rucka), but this issue was too dense, too wordy, for this book.

The Rundown: Action Comics (Hal Jordan's badge), The Amazing Spider-Man Presents: Jackpot (the color and shape of the vials containing a drug and a sweat sample are exchanged between pages, accented letter), Angel (Spike's eyes are colored brown, then change to his correct blue), Batgirl V3 (a section of Gotham is described as a DMZ, when it's not), Booster Gold V2 (time "linie"?), Dark X-Men (Norman's eyes, Dark Beast described as "cat people"), Green Arrow/Black Canary (Hal Jordan's badge, and Wally West's eyes through his mask are mentioned, when you can't see his eyes), John Constantine, Hellblazer: Pandemonium (accented letter), The Phantom Double Shot: KGB Noir (speech balloon pointing to wrong character), S.W.O.R.D. (BEAST AGAIN!!!! And Italian dialogue is wrong), Secret Six V3 (Rick Flag's eyes are colored incorrectly), Strange V2 (Doc Strange can't get his eyes colored correctly even in his own book), X-Men: Pixie Strikes Back (accented letter). Dissections?
<-------------------------------->
"ADVENTURE DISSECTION."

TITLE: Adventure Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 510.

CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer).

DISSECTION: Check this one out, it should be pretty simple.


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, when Superboy reminisces about joining the Teen Titans, there's a character in the gathering that's unidentified... and shouldn't be there.
<-------------------------------->
"TAKE AWAY THE BEST PART OF HER COSTUME, WILL YA?"

TITLE: JSA All-Stars (DC).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist) and Richard & Tanya Horie (colorists).

DISSECTION: Power Girl's uniform ample (for lack of a better word) cleavage, or "twindow", as a reader of this column named it, is missing completely. Her Kryptonian Knockers are completely covered up.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Magog's eye is colored incorrectly, and Hourman's eye changes color midway through the backup story.
<-------------------------------->
"MIRAGE CONTACTS."

TITLE: New Mutants V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Sotocolor (colorist).

DISSECTION: Why does Mirage, a Native American, keep getting her eyes colored green or blue? Green in this case.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, they keep neglecting to mention Magik's magical abilities in the character round up.
<-------------------------------->
"NOTHEED."

TITLE: Tails Of The Pet Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Humberto Ramos (cover artist).

DISSECTION: Lockheed is drawn with segmented plate skin, and a finger (not just pointy claws) on each of his wings. Wrong character design, I have him on my arm, I should know.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DAS BOOT II."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 17.

CULPRIT: Chris Garcia (colorist).

DISSECTION: Rogue's boots are colored yellow in the story, as they were in the previous issue. Cover colorist Moose Baumann gets them right, coloring them green. Thanks to artist Graham Nolan, who in this issue draws Rogue's boots as ripped with the transformation.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Beast and Mystique have their eyes colored wrong, and in Beast's case, drawn wrong too. (Again, yes, I know "Das Boot" is not "The Boot".)
<-------------------------------->
This week gives us a 6.5 Bazzars average in thirty dissections. Now, Cover Of The Week is the following piece from the first issue of the new Human Target book:


This nice piece by Redondo, Sandoval, Rench, and Abbot reminds me of the Steranko covers for the 70s Nick Fury books. Moments Of The Week? Remember I said one from Suicide Squad... err, Secret Six had made me gape?


Yeah, he finally did it. No, he didn't kill her, but instead lodged a bullet near her heart so it can't be removed through surgery. I really don't buy that last part, not with all the medical science in the DCU, but still, it was fun. Killing her would have been too easy for Floyd. Then, Norman Osborn For President?


Well, he is not a crook, is he? And for a finale, Beast wishes for a team up... with Spidey, perhaps? Wonder Man once again? Nope:


That’s who you want to team up when you battle sentient rock aliens. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #114.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

02/11: "Yeah, dawg, I saw Galactus and Galactus is a PIMP. Who else be dressin' in a purple suit with a big tricked out hat like that? (...) Probably lookin' to put that fine Invisible Woman on the street." Street thugs, Galactus: The Real Story.

02/18: "Man, say what you want about me... Good looks, gravitas, iconic costume design. But man, does my timing el suck-o. They asked me to be an Avenger when I was in high school... I said now. They asked me when I was in college... and I said no. Young adult, nope. NOW I say yes. Now, when there's no mansion, no butler, no tower, no Quinjet, no big table with an "A" on it... I get to hide in fake Captain America's basement and wait for things like this. I truly am a genius." Spider-Man, New Avengers #50.

02/25: "You might feel a little prick--... wait, that came out wrong!" Ant-Man, Thunderbolts #129.

You'll notice there's three quotes of the week... yes, I know, because this is a special, rest-of-February column; and I'll try to write one for March, and one for April, to catch up. That said, I'll go quickly through The Dissector's Picks Of The Week(s). For the week of 02/11, the Best Book was R.E.B.E.L.S. #1; as a LSH-related book it caught my attention, and it's also very good... as I said when I found about it, Andy Clark's art is fantastic; unfortunately, issues 4 and 5 have been solicited with art by other people... I hope Clark returns. Worst Book of that week was Batman #686, Neil Gaiman tries to be Silver Agey and succeeds... in boring me.

Best Book for the week of 02/18 was Amazing Spider-Man #587; my love for BND ASM is no secret. Worst Book for that week was New Exiles #18; last issue of an unbearable pain... please Marvel, give Chris Claremont a pension package that doesn't allow him to write... On the other hand, Best Book for the week of 02/25 was Blue Beetle #36; another last issue, of a book I'll miss greatly. Luckily we'll still see Jaime in Teen Titans and in other places (like Brave And The Bold, occasionally). Worst Book Of The Week was Trinity #39... it's not particularly bad, but there wasn't anything worse this week.. yet Trinity is consistently bland and boring.

Nobody cracked the DT! from the last regular column... come on, it was very easy! If you look closely, Wolverine's not wearing gloves, yet he has the metal "exits" for his claws on the back of his bare hand. That's it, then, dissections! Oh, wait... you know how I usually give an entry to only the most glaring errors in a book, and reserve repeat errors in the same issue, or minor stuff as just a mention; and save them for the final counts of averages and the like? Well, in these emergency catch-up columns I'll flat out not give entries to entire issues. Suffice it to say that there were a lot of boring mistakes in the following books: Avengers Invaders, Batman, Blue Beetle, Doctor Doom And The Masters Of Evil, Justice Society Of America, Galactus: The Real Story, Mighty Avengers, Ms. Marvel, New Avengers, Sgt. Rock: The Lost Battalion, Supergirl, Superman/Batman, Tangent: Superman's Reign, The Phantom: Ghost Who Walks, Trinity, Vigilante, X-Men: Legacy, X-Men Origins: Sabretooth.

There, now you get dissections:
<-------------------------------->
"DECESIONS."

TITLE: Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 587.

CULPRIT: Marc Guggenheim (writer).

DISSECTION: A cop confesses that they "deceded" to frame Spider-Man so they could "do jobs" (instead of "our jobs). Thanks to Snakebyte for noticing this, badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"SENSE YOUR FIRE!."

TITLE: Battlestar Galactica: Cylon War (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Joshua Ortega & Eric Nylund (writers).

DISSECTION: Admiral Ben Tanner orders the "sensation" of hostilities...

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HE MANIPULATED OUR FEELINGS ABOUT HIM."

TITLE: Dark Reign Files (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator) or any of a number of writers not specifically credited for each profile.

DISSECTION: Among other mistakes, Daken's profile is missing his pheromone powers, which are what make him stand out from the original Wolverine.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN DISSECTED NIGHT!"

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 33.

CULPRIT: Patrick Gleason (penciller).

DISSECTION: Easy one.


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DUDE, YOU'RE RAD!"

TITLE: Hulk V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Jeph Loeb (writer).

DISSECTION: The Silver Surfer's name is given as Norrin "Rad", when it's Radd.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH THAT? JUST A HOBBY."

TITLE: Outsiders V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: Geo-Force says he has no responsibilities to leave behind to join the Outsiders... WHAT ABOUT RULING AN ENTIRE COUNTRY!?!!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BOUNDARIES SCHMOUNDARIES."

TITLE: Star Trek: Countdown (IDW).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman, Mike Johnson & Tim Jones (writers).

DISSECTION: Well, there's several mistakes in this comics (ambassadors wearing Starfleet uniforms, science officers seating in navigation consoles, etc, etc). But the one that stands out the most is Data saying a Federation starship has authority to confiscate cargo inside Romulan territory.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DROID OF HOLDING."

TITLE: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Henry Gilroy (writer).

DISSECTION: An R2 unit has a 20cm x 8cm internal storage area (remember the one where R2 hid Luke's saber?), yet R2-D2 has space for three lightsaber, complete with a rack and launcher.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"JEWELRY."

TITLE: Titans V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Howard Porter (penciller).

DISSECTION: Whatever necklace Vixen is wearing, that's not the Tantu Totem.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NO A LA BLOQUEO!"

TITLE: Umbrella Academy: Dallas (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Gerard Way (writer) and/or Gabriel Bá (artist).

DISSECTION: Nice Cuban propaganda poster... if only you'd asked someone who actually spoke Spanish before making it.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CLOSE YOUR EYES."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 506.

CULPRIT: Terry Dodson (penciller).

DISSECTION: Cyclops needs to sleep with ruby quarts goggles on to avoid blasting the hell out of everything, including his woman, when he opens the eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Matt Fraction, what the hell is "Refugiados del mutante" supposed to mean?
<-------------------------------->
"FICTITIONAL GEOGRAPHY."

TITLE: Vixen: Return Of The Lion (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: G. Willow Wilson (writer).

DISSECTION: For the fifth time, Zambesi is the village, M'Changa is the country.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHETMAN."

TITLE: Whatmen (IDW).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Scott Lobdell (writer).

DISSECTION: Funny parody, but it should be "funeral" not "funereal".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FEMDROID?"

TITLE: Wildcats V5 (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Christos Gage (writer).

DISSECTION: Maxine to Spartan as an android, as if she's not one. Well, honey, you're human-shaped, that makes you an android.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S WOLVERINE, NOT CABLE."

TITLE: Wolverine: Manifest Destiny (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Stephen Segovia & Paco Diaz Luque (pencillers).

DISSECTION: What the hell is that one inch thick steel cable inside Wolverine's body?!??!


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I PREFER JUTIPER."

TITLE: Wonder Woman V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 29.

CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer).

DISSECTION: "Zues"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I CHANGED MY MIND, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A PULSE ANYMORE."

TITLE: X-Force V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: Craig Kyle & Christopher Yost (writers).

DISSECTION: Beautiful Dreamer (a mutant) is infected with the Legacy Virus, so her powers (manipulating memories) flare out of control; so she causes civilian deaths by "wiping their brains, making them forget to tell their hearts to beat". Well, your brain has absolutely nothing to do with your heart beat.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. I'm sure there's lots of other mutants they could have used. Few other mistakes, too, art-wise. Particularly, if you're going to do painted art, keep mind of what colors you're using on character's hair and such.
<-------------------------------->
"FORGET ABOUT THEM, THEY GOT MASSACRED, SO THEY DON'T COUNT. IT'S LIKE THE VIKING COLONY IN NORTH AMERICA."

TITLE: Young X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Marc Guggenheim (writer).

DISSECTION: First mutant nation, and it's not Genosha? Nope, not even in an alternate future... which is evidently based upon the present timeline.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"EAT MY SHORTS, SARGENT GARCÍA!"

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: You can spell words incorrectly, forget accents, fuck up font sizes, etc. But having an angry villain scream "AY, CARAMBA!"??!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. You know it's not the only mistake in this issue... it's just one of twenty nine.
<-------------------------------->
Well, I'm certainly taking my time writing this... the average was 6.4 Bazzars in 84 dissections... quite normal, all taken into consideration. And now, the Moments Of The Week(s)! First up, From 021/11, Harry falls off the wagon...


And on the glider! Next, Wolvie's happy memories:


Predictable, right? Week of 02/18, Nightwing causes cameltoe in mature ladies:


Well, his tights are tight... Then... she knows stuff, and she's back!


She's all grown up, lookither! Last, from 08/25, a shocking cartoon moment:


Holy shit, Batman and Blue Beetle just KILLED A DUDE!!! WTF??!?!?!?!? I cry bloody... digital murder, they're teaching our kids it's okay to kill artificial intelligences!!!

That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #97.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I've been a thief. A goddess. An X-Man. And a queen. And yet, somehow, I always end up in a sewer under New York City." Storm, X-Men: Worlds Apart #01.

I know, I could have caught up, but I slacked. Blame it on a lot of work at my job... These are the dissections for comics published on the week of 10/15, which means we're almost caught up. There was no DT! last column, so the Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was Legion Of Three Worlds #2, which was just fan-tas-tic! Worst Book Of The Week was Casey Blue: Beyond Tomorrow #6; last issue of a pointless miniseries.

As a shameless plug, Diamond Previews is now carrying Teenagers From The Future, so don't forget to order it at your friendly local comic store; if you're interested.

Off you go then, the dissections are here:
<-------------------------------->
"PUNCT-WHAT?"

TITLE: Atomic Robo: Dogs Of War (Red 5 Comics).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Jeff Powell (letterer).

DISSECTION: In the back-up story, a newspaper reads "Caribbean Cartel Massacre Mass Vigilantism or Gang War?", punctuation be damned!

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TATTOO-VANISH CREAM!"

TITLE: Batman And The Outsiders V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: Ryan Benjamin (penciller).

DISSECTION: Again, Grace's midriff tattoos are missing!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, Black Lightning is wearing a regular domino mask instead of his newfangled goggle ones.
<-------------------------------->
"THE ORIFICE."

TITLE: Booster Gold V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Rick Remender (writer) and/or Sal Cipriano (letterer).

DISSECTION: The word "orifice" is spelled "orfice"... in a sentence about Booster rubbing or kissing Skeet's orifice if he had one... ew...

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SPACINGISOVERRATED!"

TITLE: DC Special: Cyborg (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: John J. Hill (letterer).

DISSECTION: One of the narrator boxes says "savedusing".

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DECIDE WHAT TO DISSECT."

TITLE: DC Universe: Decisions (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Alex Bleyaert (colorist).

DISSECTION: Beside the horrible art; what can you find wrong here:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ISSUES, SHMISSUES!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota)

ISSUE: 96.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I screwed up, and Snakebyte spotted it. I incorrectly put the issue of an "X-Men V2" dissection as 02 of 02; when it was 192.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. I also labeled Big Hero 6 as a six-issue series, when it's five issues long; that was also brought to my attention by Snake; who gets two badges and reaches the rank of Commodore in the HDSC; again, being the first to reach a rank. Lucas Siegel also gets a badge, spotting a typo I made.
<-------------------------------->
"MIRROR MIRROR, TURN MY ACCENT UPSIDE DOWN."

TITLE: Final Crisis: Rogues' Revenge (DC).

ISSUE: Geoff Johns (writer)

CULPRIT: 03 of 03.

DISSECTION: Mirror Master's accent is all wrong again; he sounds like the Juggernaut instead of the Scottish accent he should have.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HERE IN THE FLASH'S COMIC WE ALL SPEAK TOO FAST."

TITLE: The Flash V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 245.

CULPRIT: Swands, aka Steve Wands (letterer).

DISSECTION: Raven says "OtherTitans", with no space.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WISH YOU WERE HEAR."

TITLE: The Phantom V7 (Moonstone).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Mike Bullock (writer).

DISSECTION: Mike, the word "hear" is not a substitute for "here".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"COLINA DE CIPRESES."

TITLE: The Punisher V7 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 63.

CULPRIT: Greg Hurwitz (writer)

DISSECTION: Again, full of Spanish language dissections; the worst one being the fact that a small Mexican village has a cemetery that reads "CEMETERY" in English on the gates.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Other stuff not worth going into detail, as well.
<-------------------------------->
"Ñ-MEN."

TITLE: X-Men: Worlds Apart (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: VC's Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: Raul Treviño, the colorist, has his Ñ lettered in the wrong size.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ZORRO, MI COMPATRE!"

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: Not as many dissections as you'd think, just five. The one that hurt the most was using "grande amigo" for "great friend"; which should be "gran amigo". Come on Matt, stay away from Spanish, or get a consultant...

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
We end the dissections with a 6.0 Bazzar average in twenty-one entries; run of the mill. Now, the Moments Of The Week. First up, the Legion Of Three Worlds gets some green help:


Rond Vidar, last Green Lantern!!! Then, on another green note, we find out what Beast has been up to:


Way to go, Hank! Last, Cannonball screws up:


Kentucky; not the most racially correct place to grow up. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #74.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I always punch anything I see that's wearing a swastika!" Captain America, Giant-Size Avengers/Invaders #1.

Alright, still on the catch up job, with a column about comics published on the week of 05/07, plus a few older dissections. Last column's Dissect This! was spotted by Sully, who reaches the rank of Lieutenant in the HDSC. Of course, you can't kill 29 billion men, since there's roughly over 6 billion people on Earth; and no Snakebyte, it doesn't matter that Y: The Last Man happens in a fictitious Earth.

Before the actual dissections, let's see the Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book was Star Wars: Legacy #23, solid issue on a usually solid series, great plot by Ostrander and excellent art by Jan Duursema (instead of the occasional fill-in artists, who aren't always up to her standards) Worst Book Of The Week is Metal Men V4 #8, last issue in a flop of a series that showed me that Duncan Rouleau. Thank God it's over.
<-------------------------------->
"MOM! CLARK IS INTERFERING WITH MY COMPUTER!!"

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: Annual #11.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns & Richard Donner (writers).

DISSECTION: Okay, I'm too tired to write a rant about the new Superman status quo, about the bumbling Clark Kent persona, etc, etc, etc, etc... and it's been so long since I read it that I lost the whole rant I had composed in my head. I can't even consider most of it as dissections, as much as I disagree with it, because it's slowly being retconned into post Infinite Crisis continuity. However, there is one thing that I can't accept, and that's Superman's powers sometimes interfering with computers, forcing Clark Kent to work on a typewriter. WHAT? I can understand (even if I don't agree) wanting to return to a Silver Age feeling, but this doesn't even make sense! He's not Electric Blue Superman! Not only that, but they haven't shown this happening in any other books, so it might be stretching it a bit, but I'll have to say this is a dissection.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Yes, that might have some pent up frustration added.
<-------------------------------->
"SKRULL!!!"

TITLE: Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 558.

CULPRIT: Avalon's Hannin & Milla (colorists)

DISSECTION: JJJ's hair and moustache show no sign of his age.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ANGLE: AFTER THE FALL OF MY DICTIONARY."

TITLE: Angel: After The Fall (IDW).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Brian Lynch (writer) and/or Robbie Robbins (letterer).

DISSECTION: The word "ringing" is used instead of "wringing". Also, "hobble" instead of "cobble".

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"INVADERS, DISSECT THIS!"

TITLE: Avengers/Invaders (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 12.

CULPRIT: Steve Sadowski (penciller).

DISSECTION: Check this out, what's wrong with this image? And yes, that's Cap in WWII, with his definitive costume.


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WE, TEH PEOPLE..."

TITLE: Cable V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Duane Swierczynski (writer) & VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Usually people gather in an "assembly", not an "assmebly".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"FUCK IT EASY."

TITLE: Captain America V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 338.

CULPRIT: Mark Gruenwald (writer).

DISSECTION: Not only Fer-de-Lance's Spanish dialogue has the wrong exclamation marks, she also says "cógelo suave" as "take it easy"; which is a literal translation but not the right one, which would be "tómatelo con calma", particularly since she's Latin American and "coger" is only used in Spain; since in Latin America it means "to fuck". Brownie points to Gruenwald for using some accented vowels, though.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO COLORED THIS?"

TITLE: Empire (DC).

ISSUE: 0.

CULPRIT: Unknown cover designer.

DISSECTION: Colorist Chris Sotomayor is credited on the cover as "Sotomayer".

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AFRICA? WHERE'S THAT?"

TITLE: The Invincible Iron Man V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Salvador Larroca (artist) and Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: Iron Man stands on a holographic display of the world which tracks anyone who's worn or wears a suit of high-tech armor, and says that none of them is in Africa... yet there's clearly one marked as in being in Africa.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S GOT A HORN, WHO'S GONNA TELL THE DIFFERENCE?"

TITLE: Star Spangled Comics V1 (DC Comics).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: Unknown writer.

DISSECTION: This one is from 1944, making it the oldest dissection in the history of this column. I found it in Blockade Boy's blog, where Robotman (the Golden Age character, not Cliff Steele) battles some dinosaurs, and the writer refers to one (possibly a triceratops) as a "rhinoceros". I know dinosaurs weren't that popular back then but...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THEPHANTOM."

TITLE: The Phantom V7 (Moonstone).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Unknown ad designer.

DISSECTION: Text in an advertisement lacks several spaces, after commas, and joining the words "andJoel".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars. By the way, this one is also and old one.. but from this decade.
<-------------------------------->
End of this column, thanks for reading, thirteen dissections and an average of 6.2 Bazzars. Oh, you want the moments of the week? Sure, alright. First one, the future Christian Walker, from Powers, waits so long that he doesn't get old, he evolves:


And you complain when your girlfriend makes you wait for her! Then, homoerotic feel-ups between FDR and Winston Churchill:


Yeah, no thanks Frankie, I'd rather not feel you up... Last, and my favorite from this week, Norman Osborn drives home the point that the Green Goblin is NOT a Joker rip-off:


I love it how he made bombs out of ORANGE pendrives. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #51.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Rex, is that beryllium in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" Grace Choi, Batman And The Outsiders V2.

Kind of late again, but are you gonna do? Oh, you're going to complain? Ah, well, then next time I'll try to have the column on time. No autopsy awards results, because I want more votes, there's a few ties. If I don't get votes enough to break the ties, I'll make my votes count double. What's happening several of my readers haven't voted, and some haven't even commented at all in the past weeks... Have I let you down, o faithful readers? Please head over to the nominees, then vote by sending an e-mail to lordmagnusen at gmail.com.

Last week's Dissect This was aptly spotted by Roy, of whom I expected no less, since this was a Teen Titans-related thing. Robin's gloves were lacking the scalloped blades they now have, like Batman's. Badge for Roy, who's one condecoration away from becoming a Lieuetnant in the HDSC!

Short write-ups for The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. The best book was Sub-Mariner V2 issue 6 of 6, a mini that could have been four issues, not six (a common situation these days), but that had a great resolution, and a real change of the status quo for one of the major player nations in the Marvel Universe. Good plot and better characterization of Namor by writers Matt Cherniss and Peter Johnson, and good art by Phiol Briones, Scott Hanna and Paul Mounts; and a bone-chilling ending (see the Moments Of The Week).

Worst book of the week? Tarot: Witch Of The Black Rose #47. Miss Kitty Fantastico, Lieutenant of the HDSC, recommended this book on his site Heroine Addict!, and I thought I'd give it a try. I read issues 45 through 47, and while the art was great, and it wasn't as one might expect, a fan service book; I found that it sounds too pretentious and high-horsed on the topic of Wicca and feminism, and yadda yadda yadda. There's a good review of the latest issue in MKF's site right now, explaining that his wasn't an issue, or an arc, really, for a new reader to hop on. This particular issue, however, was the worst of the arc, which ends up being a boring catalogue of stylized (or Jim Balentized, as it is) Tarot fans, real witches who get their fangirl spotlight in the issue, with heavy and repetitive prose by Balent. What the hell, I might still give #48 a try, but for now, dissections:
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S NOT EASY BEING GREEN."

TITLE: Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 671.

CULPRIT: Guy Major (colorist).

DISSECTION: R'as' skin is green, when it wasn't so in Detective Comics #838.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars, it could be a sign of his decay.
<-------------------------------->
"KATANA, TAKE TWO."

TITLE: Batman And The Outsiders V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Doug Braithwaite (cover artist).

DISSECTION: Katana's costume in the cover includes that "waist-cape" she used to wear, but doesn't wear inside the book, plus other design elements don't match, including the exact color scheme. On another note, I was also going to complain about Metamorpho not knowing that Batman is Bruce Wayne, but then I figured he was hiding that fact from Grace.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTING IN EARTH-8."

TITLE: Countdown Presents: Lord Havok And The Extremists (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 06.

CULPRIT: Liam Sharp (penciller).

DISSECTION: An easy one... I think.


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S THE BOWTIE, IT'S MAAAAGIC."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Claudio Castellini (cover penciller).

DISSECTION: Jimmy Olsen's clothes on the cover don't match what he wears inside.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE FOOL ON THE HEEL."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Carlos Magno (penciller).

DISSECTION: Mary Marvel's heels are not correct (at least she has some). Still, you have got to love Carlos Magno for shots like this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BRIGHT MIRACLE."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Tom Chu (colorist).

DISSECTION: Mr. Miracle's costume colors are, incorrectly, his usual ones.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S THE TEARS."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Carlos Magno (penciller) and Tom Chu (colorist).

DISSECTION: Pied Piper has glowing green eyes instead of his sunglasses, although not as blatant as in issue #32.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OHNOES, ACID!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer).

DISSECTION: Pied Piper and Trickster attack Deadshot by throwing battery acid to his face. Now, Deadshot wears a mask that's probably made of Kevlar or something similar, and it includes a telescopic sight lens, which is probably not made of soft plastic. Battery acid is 33.5% concentrated sulfuric acid, which I doubt could eat through the mask so fast (or at all).

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DAMN JIBAROS!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Freddie E. Williams II (backup origin story penciller/inker).

DISSECTION: Bronze Tiger's head on page 23 looks too small for his body.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DUDE, YOU CAN'T SHOOT WORTH A DAMN, SOMEBODY ELSE IS MAKING THOSE SHOTS FOR YOU!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Freddie E. Williams II (backup origin story penciller/inker).

DISSECTION: Deadshot shoots at some targets with the pictures of Piper and Trickster, but the wholes show when he retrieves the pictures don't match the ones on the previous panel. Plus, Deadshot doesn't shoot them through the center, he barely even hits the heads in the photos.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BLASTERS, LIKE IN STAR WARS?"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Scott Beatty (backup origin story writer).

DISSECTION: The Powers And Weapons section says that Deadshot uses "wrist-blasters", when he uses bullets almost exclusively.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HOT LIST LAST WEEKS."

TITLE: Various DC titles (DC).

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Unknown.

DISSECTION: The "HOT LIST THIS WEEK" shows various titles that were released the week before, such as Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Red Rain.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TO ME, MY ALLEYS."

TITLE: Crime Bible: The Five Lessons Of Blood (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Greg Rucka (writer).

DISSECTION: The introductory "facsimile" of a page of the "real" Crime Bible has a line that reads "(...) as the bitches in heat in the allies (...)"; at first I thought "allies" might be an old spelling of "alleys", or some other word altogether, but I couldn’t' find any definition of that word that wasn't the current and common one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M ON ATKINS."

TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 08.

CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (penciller).

DISSECTION: On page seven, Granny Goodness is too skinny.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ME NEW GOD!"

TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 08.

CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (writer).

DISSECTION: Since when does Kalibak speak in the third person?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE TRUE FACE OF A GOD."

TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 08.

CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (writer).

DISSECTION: Superman sees Orion's true face (which isn't as hideous as it should be), and is surprised. I'm pretty sure he'd seen it before.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FRIJOLERO NEW GOD."

TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 08.

CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (writer).

DISSECTION: The book mentions Himon as of not of New Genesis, but he is from there, even if he used to live in Apokolips, disguised as a Hunger Dog.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DESAAD, BRING ME A BOTTLE OF CHARDONAIS."

TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 08.

CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (penciller).

DISSECTION: So, Darkseid drinks booze from an earthly-looking bottle with a cork and a label?

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"TOUCHÉ!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 50.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: On the dissection about Metamorpho's French, I mistyped the word "rencontrer" as "recontrer". Thanks to Dominik B. for this heads up, badge for you.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"UH, I DIDN'T PAY ATTENTION IN MY HISTORY LESSONS BACK AT OA!"

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer). Why do they need to credit him as "story and words", if he's the only writer of the issue?

DISSECTION: Sodam Yat is surprised that his Daxamite body gains superpowers under a yellow sun. First of all, didn't he feel back in Mogo orbit? And also, even if such knowledge is suppressed on Daxam, why would the Guardians or Kilowog not tell him about it while he trained as a Lantern. Didn't he go on any kind of field trip to a yellow star system? Same goes for him not knowing about his lead vulnerability.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S THE GREEN LATNERN CORPS!"

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer) and/or Steve Wands (letterer).

DISSECTION: On page seven, the word "shields" is misspelled as "shileds".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"BOING!"

TITLE: JLA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 47.

CULPRIT: Mike W. Barr (writer).

DISSECTION: Hal Jordan fires a ring blast at a yellow shield (back in the day), and the ray bounces of the yellow metal, striking the ceiling. That's wrong, the ray would have just struck the shield with no effect at all.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TOO SLOW!"

TITLE: JLA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 47.

CULPRIT: Mike W. Barr (writer).

DISSECTION: Are we really meant to believe that three founding Justice Leaguers couldn’t' kneel on command to maintain their cover as Qwardian weaponeers? Because it's not like they're discovered for not reacting as fast as the real Qwardians, or for not following a secret signal or something like that. No, no. The Qwardian big cheese just yells "KNEEL!" and Green Arrow, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern just stand there, surprised.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HE'S ALWAYS BEEN A DUMB MONSTER, NO MATTER WHAT THAT MELTZER GUY SAYS."

TITLE: JSA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 32.

CULPRIT: Junior Thomas (writer).

DISSECTION: Alan Scott mentions that Solomon Grundy is not "smart enough" to pull off a certain attack by himself. Guess he didn't read (or rather, Thomas didn't read) the first arc of the current JLA book.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ASTRONAUTS, FULL DISCLOSURE."

TITLE: Moon Knight V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual 01.

CULPRIT: Duan Swierczynski (writer).

DISSECTION: As far as I can tell, you just can't get onto NASA's website and get a list of their astronauts, much less those in training.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH NO, A SECRET SUPERVILLAIN WEAPON HAS RENDERED ME UNCONSCIOUS!"

TITLE: Moon Knight V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual 01.

CULPRIT: Duan Swierczynski (writer).

DISSECTION: Is Moon Knight's cowl thin enough for a simple taser (carried by a civilian woman in her purse) to affect him? I don't he still does, but he used to wear an adamantium armor, but I bet he still wears some manner of protection.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!"

TITLE: Sub-Mariner V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Phil Briones (penciller).

DISSECTION: Yes, this is an old issue, not the latest one, but I had misfiled these dissections. Namor wears boots on the cover, but is barefoot inside the book.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO CARES IF THEY DIE? YOU LIED TO US, NAMOR!"

TITLE: Sub-Mariner V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Matt Cherniss & Peter Johnson (writers).

DISSECTION: Professor X flat out refuses to help Namor stop the slaughter of innocent civilians. Mischaracterization, anyone?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WE NEED TO RECALIBRATE THE TIMESCOPE!"

TITLE: (Supergirl And) The Legion Of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: Nathan Eyring (colorist).

DISSECTION: When Supergirl looks through the time portal back at World War III, she sees Mary Marvel, Captain Marvel (Shazam, by then, really), and Captain Marvel Jr. fighting Black Adam. Mary Marvel's costume is colored like her old red one, instead of the white one she's wore since 1994, and up to losing her powers before Countdown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YEAH, DEFINITELY RECALIBRATE."

TITLE: (Supergirl And) The Legion Of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: Nathan Eyring (colorist).

DISSECTION: Same as before, only it's CM3's hair that's colored brown instead of black.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YEAH, WE'LL GET THAT DEAD OLD COOTH TO CONTACT YOU."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: Annual 13.

CULPRIT: Kurt Busiek (writer).

DISSECTION: The two New Genesis kids tell Superman that they'll ask "Highfather" to contact him, but Highfather is dead, and even if he technically held the same position, nobody called Takion "Highfather".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"KARA ZOR-EL, NOT THE BRIGHTEST LASER BULB..."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: Annual 13.

CULPRIT: Kurt Busiek (writer).

DISSECTION: In the backup story, Supergirl carves a rock into a model of Krypton for Chris Kent to learn about the planet, and she tells him to use his "telescopic" vision to look at the detail, but that would be his microscopic vision.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TAROT, MISTRESS OF THE MEESTEEKL ARTS!"

TITLE: Tarot: Witch Of The Black Rose (BroadSword Comics).

ISSUE: 47.

CULPRIT: Jim Balent (writer) and/or Holly Golightly (letterer).

DISSECTION: In page 20, panel one, a witch fights evil with "magick" (you see what I meant about pretentiousness?) and "marshal" art moves. "Marshal"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH, ZE IRONY!"

TITLE: The Phantom V7 (Moonstone).

ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Mike Bullock (writer).

DISSECTION: The 13th Phantom fights former Musketeers, who talk to him in stereotypical French-accented English, with phrases such as "zee king" and "such as zees"... but continue to do so when they talk to each other in private, and their speech should be written in plain English, and perhaps between < > to symbolize translation from French. Also, another Frenchman (some kind of seneschal for the king), speaks perfect English, when talking to the Musketeers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Because I say so.
<-------------------------------->
"NEW X-MEN, NEW COSTUMES."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Edgard Delgado (variant cover colorist).

DISSECTION: Pixie and X-23 appear on J. Scott Campbell's cover, but their costumes are colored incorrectly, with blue where they ought to be black.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AND NOW, MY TEAM CONSISTING OF TOAD AND BLOB WILL... HEY, STOP LAUGHING!"

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).

DISSECTION: Mr. Sinister says that any of his Marauders could kill the whole X-Men team (made up from Angel, Wolverine, Storm, Colossus and Nightcrawler) single-handedly... yet his Marauders are: Arclight, Exodus (ok, maybe he can), Gambit, Harpoon, Lady Mastermind, Gambit, Malice (controlling Omega Sentinel, maybe a chance), Mystique, Prism, Random, Riptide, Scalphunter, Sunfire, Tempo and Vertigo.

All of them together? They have a chance of defeating such a small X-Men team, and they actually do. Maybe Exodus and the Omega Sentinel can defeat them on their own... but Mystique? Prism? Random? Har-fucking-poon? Please...

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Sinister should change his name to Mr. Hyperbole.
<-------------------------------->
"CYCLOPS TOLD ME TO COVER UP."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: And it's New X-Men costume goof ups time again! These come from several pages they appear on in this book; the first is that Surge is wearing a full shirt, when in New X-Men she wore a bodice that didn't cover her upper chest.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I DIDN'T WANT TO HOLD BACK."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: Surge's gauntlets look like the ones everyone else wears, not her clunky power-controlling gauntlets.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT GOT COLD, AND MY NIPPLES GOT DIAMOND-HARD."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: Rockslide wears a shirt, when he was shown not wearing one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO CARES WHAT HIS NAME IS?"

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer) and/or Cory Petit (letterer). Cory, did you break away with VC?

DISSECTION: Let's give Bachalo a break, shall we? Julian Keller, aka Hellion, gets called Julien on page nine.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YEAH, WHO CARES ABOUT THE X-KIDS COSTUMES."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: Talon (or X-23) is missing her costume sleeves (or whatever you call them, they should reach from inside her gauntlets up to her elbow. Come on Marvel, is it so fricking hard, when you have a crossover, to compile character designs for each book and send it to the people working on the other books, or the cover artists? No, it's not, dammit.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE HER?"

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: Pixie's freckles are missing. She also looks nothing like she should, with different facial; features and hairstyle.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"... DID YOU DYE YOUR HAIR?"

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Brian Reber (colorist).

DISSECTION: And we're done with Bachalo, this time, Pixie's hair is miscolored inside the book, as a dull purple, or black with purple highlights. It's really black with very bright purple highlights, more like lilac highlights.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
The average this week was a lowly 5.4, not too many big things really. I was thinking today, let me know what you think about it, that I could just write up the fun dissections, and then just count in minor nits like wrong eye colors, typos, etc, towards the total and average of the column. It would definitely save me some time, but wouldn't affect the "fun quotient" of the column. I'll give it a thought. Moments Of The Week! First up, Tattoo Rose really "fucks up" an enemy:


A new meaning to "lay down" your weapons! Then, to show that the Moments Of The Week are also comprised of sad stuff, here's Nazi Batman from Earth-whocares:


The artist could have designed some cool, WWIIesque Bats with leather cowl and SS costume, with a Thule Society inspired gothic bat emblem... but he just slapped a red swastika on a regular Batman costume. Way to go! Now, two moments from the last issue of the Sub-Mariner mini I praised before. On the first one, Namor sacrifices his traitorous son as a lesson to all that would threaten Atlantis. I just love how the whelp goes from defiant to instant "daddy's boy" in a matter of seconds.


Next up, the conclusion to the series; Namor evacuates Atlantis and orders all of its citizens to blend in with the surface world's population. However, he takes all of his army to one place, to wait for the day they're needed. What place? See for yourself:


Hot dayamn! It's like Lee/Kirby villain team up! I predict a World War III in Marvel some time soon, maybe from the ashes of the Skrull invasion. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Nitpicker #28.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

Welcome to issue #28 of the Nitpicker! Let's give a warm welcome to our new readers at Comic-Scans.net, and a big thanks to all the crew there, especially Brecht, who heeded my cries for attention and accepted the column on the site.

This week, we have all the nits I found on last week's releases, and some from books from weeks past that I hadn't gotten yet. Also, as you'll notice at the end of the column (if you're reading this outside the Nitpicker's home site), I've decided to centralize the comments for each column on the comments section of each post at the home site, so I can keep better track of them. I please beg of you that you comment through that link, or comment at the site where you read this, and copy paste the comment at the link.

Before moving to this week's nits, let me show you something that made me happy. What you see here is two panels from this week's Superman V1 663, where Kurt Busiek does something that almost moved me to tears: he wrote a completely correct dialogue which is partly in Spanish!


Yes Roy, I know, he did not use an opening exclamation sign, but since he's actually writing in English (except for the Spanish parts), that's excused. Other writers who want to include foreign languages in your books: LEARN FROM KURT BUSIEK!!!!
<-------------------------------->
"THIS IS A BIG THING."

TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative.

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Stefano Caselli (penciller/inker).

NIT-TO-PICK: Well, well, well. I'm enjoying this book, I loved the Scarlet Spiders, and I totally liked Slott's characterization of Spidey. The psyche Peter put on Komodo is a perfect example of what a darker-humored Spider-Man can be. The action on the book is fun, and the huge cast (cameos and guests included) is handled perfectly. The art, so far, has been good, not my particular style, but adequate to the book, and with no gross mistakes. Until now. Look at these images of the Thing, guest instructor, on pages 9 to 11. On the first one, he looks like he's around two feet taller than Justice, whereas he's just 2 inches taller. Justice has a height of 5'10, and the Thing is 6' tall.


And here, look at him here, he's a lot bigger than all the recruits who are fighting him!


Here, Komodo, who is the size of a normal girl (I couldn't find a profile for her yet, she's too new a character to have one, apparently), but I'm pretty sure she doesn't shrink to a lizard's size, and here she is, literally wrapped (or her arm, at least) around Ben Grimm's finger. And he says he needs it for bowling? What bowling ball is he using, one he swiped from Galactus?


And here, he's yet again twice the size of the recruits; and that green haired girl on his back is like a scarf.


Finally, look at where this guy with the tiger stripes on his suit (whichever loser he is) is only up to the Thing's waistband. Hell, Rage, seen by the Thing's right, is a pretty big dude... who in fact is actually taller than the Thing, at 6'6"!!!


NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, Marvel has an excellent database at Marvel Universe, as well as resources that are probably only available to artists and writers... oh, oh, and I know... YOU COULD READ A DAMN COMIC WHERE THE THING HAS APPEARED BEFORE!!! There must be one or two.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S A MATTER OF ACCENT."

TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative.

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Dan Slott (writer) and/or VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 9, panel 2, the Black Widow (Natasha Romanova) exclaims what all Russian Marvel characters must, "Boze moi!", which means "My God". Thing is, the "z" is missing the hacek (a sort of accent to change the pronunciation of a letter, it should be "Bože". The hacek is necessary when romanizing languages such as Russian or Czech.

NIT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"WHEN ARE WE AGAIN?"

TITLE: Battlestar Galactica V4 (taking into account the Marvel series, an Ace Books single issue, and the Maximum Press series).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Whoever writes the recap on the interior front cover, probably the editor or assistant editor, but none are credited.

NIT-TO-PICK: Yet another example of a nit I find when writing up the ones I found when I first read the book. The recap text says "Taking place after the return from Kobol and the arrival of the Pegasus (...)", when it should say "(...) and before the arrival of the Pegasus (...)".

NIT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars, it sets an incorrect timeline for the series, although it's obvious that the Pegasus is not present.
<-------------------------------->
"FEEEELINGS.... LALALAAAA FEEEEELIIINGS!"

TITLE: Battlestar Galactica V4

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Greg Pak (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: Have I mentioned that this series is very badly written, and immensely boring? Yes, I have. All this crap about the Returners, bio-Cylons (for lack of a better term, I'll that one to refer to the human-looking Cylons) made in the image and with the memories of dead humans (such as Zak Adama), as prototypes for the bio-Cylons that appear in the show... well, it just doesn't feel right.... In fact, it goes against what Ronald D. Moore (the show's producer and co-creator) has said, which is that the bio-Cylons are not copies of existing humans.

And I mean this apart from the bad writing (remember a few columns back, the ship that crossed the universe in ten seconds?); the idea of the Returners is just plain bad. The idea of the Antebellum Cylons (Cylon Centurions from before the Cylons gained sentience and revolted) is actually interesting, and should have been used on the show, but it's not enough to salvage this book.

In fact, do you know what this book reads like? Like the bad issues of Marvel Star Wars. That series was very entertaining and at times even complex (for the time), but every now and then it had very awful ideas from some writers about additions to the Star Wars Expanded Universe, which was still in its infancy. And the art... I understand the legalities of making characters look like the actors, which they don't in this book. But that is not an excuse for horrible facial expressions, and characters looking different from panel to panel.

But I digress.... The nit that occupies us in this case, is that on page 6, panel 4, one of the bio-Cylons (a number 3) says about the number 8 she's talking to (supposedly the original "Sharon", the one directly based on the human one), is "different", adding that "You feel things." (bold is from the comic, not mine. Um.... I thought that ALL the bio-Cylons had feelings... that's kind of the point....

NIT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HER EYES HAVE CHANGED COLOR BEFORE..."

TITLE: Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 8.

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Dave Stewart (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: I like this book. As a fan (but not fanatic) of Buffy and Angel, it's nice to read a canon continuation of the TV show. I mean, I'm not a fan to the point of reading other Buffy comics or novels, but this, an actual continuation of the story, yes, thank you very much, particularly when it's initially written (and later executively produced) by its creator, Joss Whedon. The art is a little simplistic, although the characters resembles the actors enough, but the worst thing is the colors, which are too plain and bright.

In this case, speaking of the devil, the nit is a coloring nit. On page 20, panel one, a close-up of Willow's face shows that her eyes are blue, when actress Alyson Hannigan's eyes are hazel (and at times look green)

NIT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars, only because it's such an obvious close-up.
<-------------------------------->
"SAY MY NAME, BITCH!"

TITLE: The Irredeemable Ant-Man.

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Robert Kirkman (writer) and/or possibly (but not likely) VC's Rus Wooton (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 20, panel 3, Abigail (aka the Visioneer) calls Ant-Man (who she knows as Derek Sullivan, aka the Slaying Mantis) by his real first name, "Eric", which she doesn't know. Next page, first panel, she calls him "Derek". Oh, and it's official, this guy is more of a jerk than previous comic book jerks, like, surprise surprise, Hank Pym, or, in another universe, Booster Gold. Although the latter has done much better for himself recently.

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HOW ABOUT WE TAKE A PICTURE OF THE GUY IN THE MONITOR WITH THIS CAMERA, AND SHOW IT AROUND?"

TITLE: Mr. Stuffins.

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Andrew Cosby & Johanna Stokes (writers).

NIT-TO-PICK: This is actually a book from a few weeks ago, which I just picked up. And it's a fun read, not deep, but fun. It's a teddy bear, with commando and espionage programming, and a Vin-Diesel-In-The-Pacifier personality. Plus, on the cover, he's spoofing Bond. Go, read it, it'll be fun. Tell them I sent you, and you won't get jack shit extra.... but you'll spread my name around. In fact, look at how badass and cute he looks:


As for the nit, on page 20, panel 3, the spooks from whatever organization that's after the programming that animates Mr. Stuffins are looking for who bought the toy bear. They see the security camera footage that shows the toy's purchase, and say that they will "(...) enhance this image, zoom in on the credit card and get a name." So, you broke into the mall's security room and tied up the guard, and broke into the store to search every remaining teddy bear for the disk, but you can't go through the toy store's records of the day's purchases?

NIT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MOMMY, MOMMY, I WANT A GREEN GOBLIN ACTION FIGURE!!!"

TITLE: New Warriors V4.

ISSUE:

CULPRIT: Paco Medina (penciller) and/or Kevin Grevioux (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: First of all, let me say that this is a good book. I've never been a New Warriors' fan, but the recent trend at Marvel of reusing old team names has gotten me interested. I was pleasantly surprised by this book, and plan on keep reading it. And now that I learn that it's written by the guy who wrote that train wreck of a movie that Underworld was, I'm even more surprised.

One criticism that some people have made is that Beak (Barnell Bohusk), formerly of the X-Men and the Exiles, and now a former mutant, looks too handsome in his human appearance, and not at all as he was shown in Exiles, with a large nose. He could, however, have de-mutated further after losing his powers, or he could be wearing an image inducer since he's working for the New Warriors, a clandestine hero team.

What troubles me, the only thing I found that might constitute a nit, is that an add for Thunderbolts toys can bee seen on a toy store window on panel 2, included in the group shot are Venom, Penance, and... the Green Goblin. Norman Osborn works as the Thunderbolts' Director, but he's not (currently) part of the field team as the Goblin, and even when he was, he wasn't publicly know as part of the team, as far as I remember.

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HERE WE GO, ONE MORE T.I.M.E.!"

TITLE: Omega Flight.

ISSUE: 03

CULPRIT: Andy Schmidt (editor) and/or Will Panzo (assistant editor).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 4, the recap and credits page, on the recap, what else, it's "USAgent", instead of "U.S.Agent".

NIT-O-METER: It was 2 Bazzars the first time they did it, 4 the second one, and now, it's 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THI'S IS NOTT A MISTEKE."

TITLE: The Phantom V7.

ISSUE: Annual 01.

CULPRIT: Rubén Procopio (artist for chapter one).

NIT-TO-PICK: This is also something from a couple of months ago, but I just got my hands on it now. I'm not going to even rant about Procopio's first name missing the accent, since he probably lets it be spelled like that (although it's spelled correctly on his own website, Masked Avenger Studios, and even signs his pages and sketches like that.

The thing here is, that on page 14 of this (very fine annual), they show some sketches of his for the book, and as you can see below, he writes "Devide's into "5" seperate piece's". Wow, is this a combo nit if I've ever seen one, and do I really need to spell it out? Alright, I will. First of all, it's "divides", with an i, and no apostrophe; then it's "separate", with an a, and finally, it's "pieces", with no apostrophe. And what the hell is up with that "5" between quotation marks?


I had never heard of this artist before, but I assumed that he was Hispanic. Well, I checked Wikipedia, and in fact, he's Argentinean, so I was willing to cut him some slack. However, I read a bit further and noticed that he moved to Los Angeles when he was four, that is, 42 years ago! In fact, he's been working in the animation, comics, and sculpting fields for more than 25 years.

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars, for such a combo. His credits as an artist are impressive, but his command of the English language is not.
<-------------------------------->
"LANGUAGE, LANGUAGE!"

TITLE: The Phantom V7.

ISSUE: Annual 01.

CULPRIT: Chuck Dixon (writer for chapter three) and/or Terri Boyle (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 29, the Indian boy on panel one says "Si, senor.", which is meant to be "Yes, sir.", but the word for sir or mister in Spanish is "señor"; the priest on panel four also says "senor". If you don't want to mess around with letters that don't exist in the English alphabet (because "ñ" is a separate letter, and not just an "n" with a tilde), then make it phonetically, and write "senior" or something like that.

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THEY'RE LIKE, YOUR COUNTRY'S PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE?"

TITLE: The Phantom V7.

ISSUE: Annual 01.

CULPRIT: Mike Bullock (writer for chapter five) and/or Terri Boyle (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 53, panel five, Temur Singh mentions "al queada"; when it's spelled (in the romanization) al-Qaeda, al-Qaida or even al-Qa'ida.

NIT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars, you could, I don't know, check the net or read the news?
<-------------------------------->
"I JUST WANTED TO USE PULASKI SO BAD..."

TITLE: Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Space Between

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: David Tischman (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: I said that this series (apart from the horrible art, especially when it comes to human faces) was getting better. And then they come up with a Wesley Crusher story! Nyargh!

This story wasn't bad, it did read like an actual episode of TNG. However, it felt rushed, both in the sense that it wasn't paced correctly, and seemed like a 15 minute episode; and in that in one or two pages at the end, we learned that every mission we've seen in the book (dispersed along the seven seasons of the show) has had its results co-opted by some shadowy organization or person, to use to military ends. And we learn of that with only one issue to go? I'm guessing the conclusion will also feel rushed.

What's the nit this time? Well, on page 12, Dr. Pulaski (yes, it's that season) is complaining over comm to Riker that Data (we later learn that it was under Riker's orders) and put her research on hold so he could analyze some soil samples, even though, as Pulaski remarks herself, the Enterprise has more than one science lab.

Why the hell would Riker send Data to co-opt Sickbay's lab (which of course, should have space for more than one experiment)? The answer is easy: Tischman wanted to show that Pulaski didn't like Data, so his book would be just like the show, and couldn't think any other way of doing it. Shoddy writing, I tell you.

Also, I'm not going to take them into account as nits, but the art keeps on sucking hard, with non detailed and just plain horrible faces everywhere. Look at Wesley here:


Is he half-asleep at the helm? Or is he stoned? And by the way, what the hell is that in the floor next to that empty chair? Was there a carpet there, and somebody removed it?

Now, compare the two images of Data below. How can that be the same person? The image on our left is not even of Data standing in the background, and yet, there is almost absolutely no detail on that face!


God, Casey Maloney is definitely not paying attention to his pencilling on this book.

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THEY'RE UTTERLY DELICIOUS!"

TITLE: Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Space Between

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: David Tischman (writer) and/or Chris Mowry (letterer)..

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 13, panel five, the fruit that was referred to as "uttaberries" until then, is now referred to as "utterberry", and then on page 18, panel one, it's "uttaberries" again.

NIT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HEY, SAVIER!"

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men.

ISSUE: 487.

CULPRIT: Ed Brubaker (writer) and/or VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 9, panels one and three, and then on panel 3 of page 10, Xavier refers to Magneto as "Eric", when, as given by Marvel, his alias is "Erik".

NIT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, as this is not the first time this happens.
<-------------------------------->
So, this week's average is just 5.1 Bazzars, nothing that big but the Thing-thing. Again, let me welcome our new readers, and plead you to at least copy your comments on the link below, if you're not reading from the column's home site. This week I think I put in more "review-ey" comments about the books, since I don't have the time to write actual reviews, I thought I'd squeeze them in here. Well, I'm going to read some of the books that came out today, catch you next week, and remember that nothing escapes...

THE NITPICKER!