The Dissector #197.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
03-02 "Will he live and junk?" King Shark, worried about one of his teammates' health, Secret Six V3 #31.
03-09 "Just one person to call you their peer is enough of a verdict, if it's the right person." Hawkeye, after being complimented by Captain America, Hawkeye: Blindspot #2.
03-16 "We need liquor, drugs, a yard of sheet latex, and a case each of penicillin and lube. Give me three minutes." Wendell's preparations for a trip to Las Vegas, Bad Dog #4.
03-23 "Dear God... or other similar Judeo-Christian messianic figure... or the Ancient Ones... or some weird evolutionary something-or-other... or some random confluence of events that resulted in the perfect conditions for life to flourish on this once-barren, desolate hunk of rock... we thank you for... Oh, right... or Mephisto, the Devil, or some other evil incarnate being... we thank you for this wonderful dinner. " Alex Power's eclectic grace at a Future Foundation dinner, FF #1.
03-30 "... beware MY freakin' power--GUY GARDNER'S MIGHT!" Guy Gardner, Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #8.
Long I have been gone, but here I am again. The same way DC is doing some spring cleaning, so am I (even though it's almost winter where I live). There will be some changes, some streamlining in this column, and you can read about them here. Bottom line? Well, I won't sweat it over accented letters, eye colors, or minor/routine mistakes. And trust me, I saw a few wrong eye colors in the comics I read yesterday and today, and it's hard not to make a note of it as I used to do for the column. And I deleted all the stuff in my notes for future columns that would usually go in The Rundown. It's hard, but I have to take steps to make sure this column is leaner, more dynamic, and most important of all, not behind schedule. That's why this is a column for the whole month of March, and there will be subsequent columns for April and May, and whatever else I need to do to get back on a semi-weekly schedule.
With all that out of the way, last column's (months ago) DT! was cracked by... nobody. Darryn noticed that the Starro on Rughal is on his coat, and not his actual neck, and that'd be something worth noting (and he gets badge)... but that wasn't it. The problem is that they are referring to "telemetry", when it's just a picture or video feed. They wanted to use a fancy word. Let's get on with The Dissector's Picks for each week. Week of 03/02 has X-Factor #216 as Best Book, as usual, it is a great job by Peter David, Emanuela Lupacchino, and the rest of the team, and its cover by David Yardin and Sonia Oback is the cover for that week. Worst Book was for Batman Confidential #54. Boring storyline, poorly told.
Cover of the Week for 03/09 is Joe Jusko's beautiful piece for Warlord Of Mars: Dejah Thoris #1. Sure, other (this book has like six variant covers per issue) may draw a curvier, juicier Dejah Thoris, but Jusko's just screams "Edgar Rice Burroughs' book cover". Best Book for that week is the Legion of Super-Villains one-shot by Paul Levitz and Francis Portela, just great LSH... well, LSV fun. Worst Book that week is JSA All-Stars #16. Poor plot, blocky art... why am I reading this? Best Book Of The Week for 03/16 is The Amazing Spider-Man #656; as Dan Slott shows over and over why he gets Spider-Man so much; his personality, 
motivation, and modus operandi. This is Spider-Man beating villains with his mind and not just his powers, and Marcos Martin's Silver Age-feeling art style is a cherry on top. Worst Book this week is T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents #5. This book is going nowhere, and this was the last issue I read, I believe. A pity, because other things I've read by Nick Spencer was good, and while Cafu's art is not my particular choice, it's solid. The Cover for this week is Alex Ross's cover for The Lone Ranger & Zorro: The Death of Zorro #1. Just works as a movie poster of sorts.
Cover Of The Week for 03/23 is from Captain America Comics #1: 70th Anniversary Special, a recreation by Brian Ching and Michael Atiyeh of the classic 1941 cover of Cap's first appearance. Best Book for this week is Osborn #4; Kelly Sue DeConnick's tale of Osborn's ploys is entrancing, and more so with Emma Ríos' beautifully crafted art, not to mention Jose Villarrubia's colors. Worst Book of the week is Batman, Incorporated #4... Morrison's assassination of the Spanish language and Latin cliches is made even worse by his insistence on Silver Age and Golden Age stuff that makes Batman sillier than it should be, such as Batman dancing "EL TANGO DEL MUERTE" with Bat-Woman (Kathy Kane) on a rooftop. I like Silver/Golden Age references, and Silver or Golden Age-influenced art... but 
continuously bringing back stuff that should have stayed there is not good for books like this one. Best Book Of The Week for 03/30 is Star Wars: Legacy - War #4. As rushed as this conclusion to the Legacy series feels, John Ostrander and Jan Duursema tell a fun, dynamic Star Wars tale. Worst Book Of The Week is Avengers #11. Bendis milks a tired story for a couple of issues too long, and Romita's art is a poor ghost of what the man can actually accomplish. Seriously, it's BAD. Cover for this week is Steve Epting's variant for Captain America #616. This is a good example of retro.
Here's The Rundown, for the last time, and only because I had already finished it when I decided the column's new format:
<-------------------------------->
"VIVE LA RESISTANCE!"
TITLE: Captain America And The First Thirteen (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot/
CULPRIT: Ramon Perez (penciller).
DISSECTION: Why the flying fuck are resistance fighters in Nazi-occupied France during WWII WEARING MILITARY UNIFORMS? No, they're not wearing Nazi uniforms to blend in, but what seem to be military uniforms of their own, while they sneak around spying on Nazis. Not even combat fatigues, but battle dress uniforms suitable to support troops in administrative duties, coomplete with nice green sweaters AND NEAT LITTLE NECKTIES!!!!!
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Stealthy, yeah. Ever heard of a guerrilla movement, Mr. Perez?
<-------------------------------->
"LEGACY OF TIME/"
TITLE: DC Universe Legacies (DC).
ISSUE: 10.
CULPRIT: Len Wein (writer), Scot Kolins (artist).
DISSECTION: This book has got to be the continuity fuck-up of recent times. The character who tells the story was a kid in the 30s when JSA members first start appearing, then is a young police detective when Superman first appears, and during Infinite Crisis he barely looks fifty (and a good, very handsome and young-looking fifty); while his brother-in-law and childhood friend looks like a 20-year old. In fact, if you didn't know who he is, you'd think his friend is Jimmy Olsen.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MINOR STUFF."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 196.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: Captain Donald313 of the HDSC let me know I wrote "an character" instead of "a character". Yes, I will continue to feature my own minor errors as a matter of intellectual honesty.
DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NO DISSECTION SHALL ESCAPE OUR SIGHT!"
TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).
ISSUE: 64.
CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).
DISSECTION: The DT! for this column:
Hint: you must be following current Green Lantern books in order to get this... but you might get it by accident if you haven't read GL in ages.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. It might be explained away, but I still kept it.
<-------------------------------->
"SUPERBOY TWO-IN-ONE."
TITLE: Superboy V4 (DC).
ISSUE: 05.
CULPRIT: Jeff Lemire (writer).
DISSECTION: In a single page, Lemire manages to have Superboy call Beast Boy "Garth" (Aqualad/Tempest's name) instead of "Gar" (as Beast Boy's name is Garfield), and Pete Ross mention "Steve Danton" instead of "Steve Dayton".
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for Garth/Gar, and 4 for Danton/Dayton.
<-------------------------------->
"STARK LIES."
TITLE: Venom V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Rick Remender (writer).
DISSECTION: I'm enjoying this book, but Remender needs a refresher on Marvel Universe tenets: there's no way UN peacekeeping troops will have Stark power armor, not after all the efforts Tony made to get all his armor tech out of other hands.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
And that, more or less, is what future columns will look like. I'm not even going to pad out columns with stuff from The Vault, except for very special situations; such as when I don't find a good DT!, or there's absolutely nothing really worth mentioning. In fact, I'm going to the vault after I finish this column to delete everything that's an accent, eye color, or other stuff that no longer passes muster for columns. This column's average was 6.3 Bazzars in one hundred and thirty-six dissections. Last time you'll see that amount of dissections.
Now, let's get with each week's Moments, shall we? Only one for 03/02, and it's Quackerjack at his most human, err, duck:
Sad ending. Then, from 03/09, we've got two. First, Alan Moore's childhood:
Hehe... Van Lente and Dunlavey crack me up. And what's the smart thing for Captain Action to do when he's recovered a magical orb from some Nazis, and he's confronted by the Yeti?
Why, have the Yeti swallow the magical orb! GREAT IDEA!!! Next up, from 03/16, three Moments. When you're a werewolf, you have to be badass:
... or at least look like it for a few moments. Now, again from Darkwing Duck, I need this:
... and not just because it's a jetpack. Remember what I was saying at the start of the column about Dan Slott making Spidey act smart? Well:
That's what I like! Now, one from 03/23, Brainiac 5 shows his love for his fellow Legionnaires:
In his own way, of course. And to end this column, two from 03/30. First, Alan's Scott costume was kind of outdated, so he came up with a new one:
IT'S HORRIBLE!!! HE'S WEARING A FREAKING LANTERN COSTUME!!! LITERALLY!!! THE HANDLE STICKS OUT FROM BEHIND HIS HEAD!!! Good lord. And now an emotional moment from Amazing Spider-Man:
My eyes welled-up. Oh, yeah... while I play catch-up, you can still vote on the Autopsy Awards.
That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
03-02 "Will he live and junk?" King Shark, worried about one of his teammates' health, Secret Six V3 #31.
03-09 "Just one person to call you their peer is enough of a verdict, if it's the right person." Hawkeye, after being complimented by Captain America, Hawkeye: Blindspot #2.
03-16 "We need liquor, drugs, a yard of sheet latex, and a case each of penicillin and lube. Give me three minutes." Wendell's preparations for a trip to Las Vegas, Bad Dog #4.
03-23 "Dear God... or other similar Judeo-Christian messianic figure... or the Ancient Ones... or some weird evolutionary something-or-other... or some random confluence of events that resulted in the perfect conditions for life to flourish on this once-barren, desolate hunk of rock... we thank you for... Oh, right... or Mephisto, the Devil, or some other evil incarnate being... we thank you for this wonderful dinner. " Alex Power's eclectic grace at a Future Foundation dinner, FF #1.
03-30 "... beware MY freakin' power--GUY GARDNER'S MIGHT!" Guy Gardner, Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #8.
Long I have been gone, but here I am again. The same way DC is doing some spring cleaning, so am I (even though it's almost winter where I live). There will be some changes, some streamlining in this column, and you can read about them here. Bottom line? Well, I won't sweat it over accented letters, eye colors, or minor/routine mistakes. And trust me, I saw a few wrong eye colors in the comics I read yesterday and today, and it's hard not to make a note of it as I used to do for the column. And I deleted all the stuff in my notes for future columns that would usually go in The Rundown. It's hard, but I have to take steps to make sure this column is leaner, more dynamic, and most important of all, not behind schedule. That's why this is a column for the whole month of March, and there will be subsequent columns for April and May, and whatever else I need to do to get back on a semi-weekly schedule.
With all that out of the way, last column's (months ago) DT! was cracked by... nobody. Darryn noticed that the Starro on Rughal is on his coat, and not his actual neck, and that'd be something worth noting (and he gets badge)... but that wasn't it. The problem is that they are referring to "telemetry", when it's just a picture or video feed. They wanted to use a fancy word. Let's get on with The Dissector's Picks for each week. Week of 03/02 has X-Factor #216 as Best Book, as usual, it is a great job by Peter David, Emanuela Lupacchino, and the rest of the team, and its cover by David Yardin and Sonia Oback is the cover for that week. Worst Book was for Batman Confidential #54. Boring storyline, poorly told.
Cover of the Week for 03/09 is Joe Jusko's beautiful piece for Warlord Of Mars: Dejah Thoris #1. Sure, other (this book has like six variant covers per issue) may draw a curvier, juicier Dejah Thoris, but Jusko's just screams "Edgar Rice Burroughs' book cover". Best Book for that week is the Legion of Super-Villains one-shot by Paul Levitz and Francis Portela, just great LSH... well, LSV fun. Worst Book that week is JSA All-Stars #16. Poor plot, blocky art... why am I reading this? Best Book Of The Week for 03/16 is The Amazing Spider-Man #656; as Dan Slott shows over and over why he gets Spider-Man so much; his personality, 
motivation, and modus operandi. This is Spider-Man beating villains with his mind and not just his powers, and Marcos Martin's Silver Age-feeling art style is a cherry on top. Worst Book this week is T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents #5. This book is going nowhere, and this was the last issue I read, I believe. A pity, because other things I've read by Nick Spencer was good, and while Cafu's art is not my particular choice, it's solid. The Cover for this week is Alex Ross's cover for The Lone Ranger & Zorro: The Death of Zorro #1. Just works as a movie poster of sorts.
Cover Of The Week for 03/23 is from Captain America Comics #1: 70th Anniversary Special, a recreation by Brian Ching and Michael Atiyeh of the classic 1941 cover of Cap's first appearance. Best Book for this week is Osborn #4; Kelly Sue DeConnick's tale of Osborn's ploys is entrancing, and more so with Emma Ríos' beautifully crafted art, not to mention Jose Villarrubia's colors. Worst Book of the week is Batman, Incorporated #4... Morrison's assassination of the Spanish language and Latin cliches is made even worse by his insistence on Silver Age and Golden Age stuff that makes Batman sillier than it should be, such as Batman dancing "EL TANGO DEL MUERTE" with Bat-Woman (Kathy Kane) on a rooftop. I like Silver/Golden Age references, and Silver or Golden Age-influenced art... but 
continuously bringing back stuff that should have stayed there is not good for books like this one. Best Book Of The Week for 03/30 is Star Wars: Legacy - War #4. As rushed as this conclusion to the Legacy series feels, John Ostrander and Jan Duursema tell a fun, dynamic Star Wars tale. Worst Book Of The Week is Avengers #11. Bendis milks a tired story for a couple of issues too long, and Romita's art is a poor ghost of what the man can actually accomplish. Seriously, it's BAD. Cover for this week is Steve Epting's variant for Captain America #616. This is a good example of retro.Here's The Rundown, for the last time, and only because I had already finished it when I decided the column's new format:
<-------------------------------->
"VIVE LA RESISTANCE!"
TITLE: Captain America And The First Thirteen (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot/
CULPRIT: Ramon Perez (penciller).
DISSECTION: Why the flying fuck are resistance fighters in Nazi-occupied France during WWII WEARING MILITARY UNIFORMS? No, they're not wearing Nazi uniforms to blend in, but what seem to be military uniforms of their own, while they sneak around spying on Nazis. Not even combat fatigues, but battle dress uniforms suitable to support troops in administrative duties, coomplete with nice green sweaters AND NEAT LITTLE NECKTIES!!!!!
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Stealthy, yeah. Ever heard of a guerrilla movement, Mr. Perez?
<-------------------------------->
"LEGACY OF TIME/"
TITLE: DC Universe Legacies (DC).
ISSUE: 10.
CULPRIT: Len Wein (writer), Scot Kolins (artist).
DISSECTION: This book has got to be the continuity fuck-up of recent times. The character who tells the story was a kid in the 30s when JSA members first start appearing, then is a young police detective when Superman first appears, and during Infinite Crisis he barely looks fifty (and a good, very handsome and young-looking fifty); while his brother-in-law and childhood friend looks like a 20-year old. In fact, if you didn't know who he is, you'd think his friend is Jimmy Olsen.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MINOR STUFF."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 196.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: Captain Donald313 of the HDSC let me know I wrote "an character" instead of "a character". Yes, I will continue to feature my own minor errors as a matter of intellectual honesty.
DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NO DISSECTION SHALL ESCAPE OUR SIGHT!"
TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).
ISSUE: 64.
CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).
DISSECTION: The DT! for this column:
Hint: you must be following current Green Lantern books in order to get this... but you might get it by accident if you haven't read GL in ages.DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. It might be explained away, but I still kept it.
<-------------------------------->
"SUPERBOY TWO-IN-ONE."
TITLE: Superboy V4 (DC).
ISSUE: 05.
CULPRIT: Jeff Lemire (writer).
DISSECTION: In a single page, Lemire manages to have Superboy call Beast Boy "Garth" (Aqualad/Tempest's name) instead of "Gar" (as Beast Boy's name is Garfield), and Pete Ross mention "Steve Danton" instead of "Steve Dayton".
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for Garth/Gar, and 4 for Danton/Dayton.
<-------------------------------->
"STARK LIES."
TITLE: Venom V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Rick Remender (writer).
DISSECTION: I'm enjoying this book, but Remender needs a refresher on Marvel Universe tenets: there's no way UN peacekeeping troops will have Stark power armor, not after all the efforts Tony made to get all his armor tech out of other hands.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
And that, more or less, is what future columns will look like. I'm not even going to pad out columns with stuff from The Vault, except for very special situations; such as when I don't find a good DT!, or there's absolutely nothing really worth mentioning. In fact, I'm going to the vault after I finish this column to delete everything that's an accent, eye color, or other stuff that no longer passes muster for columns. This column's average was 6.3 Bazzars in one hundred and thirty-six dissections. Last time you'll see that amount of dissections.
Now, let's get with each week's Moments, shall we? Only one for 03/02, and it's Quackerjack at his most human, err, duck:
Sad ending. Then, from 03/09, we've got two. First, Alan Moore's childhood:
Hehe... Van Lente and Dunlavey crack me up. And what's the smart thing for Captain Action to do when he's recovered a magical orb from some Nazis, and he's confronted by the Yeti?
Why, have the Yeti swallow the magical orb! GREAT IDEA!!! Next up, from 03/16, three Moments. When you're a werewolf, you have to be badass:
... or at least look like it for a few moments. Now, again from Darkwing Duck, I need this:
... and not just because it's a jetpack. Remember what I was saying at the start of the column about Dan Slott making Spidey act smart? Well:
That's what I like! Now, one from 03/23, Brainiac 5 shows his love for his fellow Legionnaires:
In his own way, of course. And to end this column, two from 03/30. First, Alan's Scott costume was kind of outdated, so he came up with a new one:
IT'S HORRIBLE!!! HE'S WEARING A FREAKING LANTERN COSTUME!!! LITERALLY!!! THE HANDLE STICKS OUT FROM BEHIND HIS HEAD!!! Good lord. And now an emotional moment from Amazing Spider-Man:
My eyes welled-up. Oh, yeah... while I play catch-up, you can still vote on the Autopsy Awards.That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
