The Dissector

The Dissector #163.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Hey, Potts... worry about global warming. Worry about health care in America. Worry about the California housing market. There's all sorts of great things to worry about. But I'm not one of them. This is what I do. And it's time to go to work." Tony Stark, Iron Man: Public Identity #3.

Welcome to another column, this time for books released on 05/12; plus, as usual, a straggler or two. Last week's DT! was the fact that Deadpool's skin was normal, and he looked like he was sewn up from different corpses, like Frankenstein's monster. Deadpool's skin is supposed to look all tumorous and rotten... even I know this, and you must remember I find the character boring and stupid, so I pay little attention to it. Not only that, but also, he shouldn't have any scars, except for his... skin condition, because of his healing factor. So both Donald313 and JD got it; well, Don only mentioned the scars, but still... badge for both.

The Dissector's Pick Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #10... Bendis still knows how to handle a teenaged Spider-Man, and he doesn't overdo the splash pages or the long dialogues; and David Lafuente's art is just perfect, simple, but expressive. Worst Book Of The Week? That crapfest Sentry: Fallen Sun. Even dead this two-dimensional, convoluted, lame character keeps being retconned into all of Marvel's characters past. It wasn't enough that he was best friends with Reed Richards and Bruce Banner, or that Thor danced with his mom at his wedding... now he had an affair with Rogue?

The Rundown: Action Comics (Alan Scott's ring is wrong, then there's an accented letter in a French newspaper that's wrong), Adventure Comics V1 (various hair, eyes, and costume mistakes), Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis (Beast looks wrong, Storm doesn't have a mohawk these days, her eyes shouldn't be white if she's not using her powers, and most important of all, since when does Emma Frost put on a fake British accent?), Batman (for the Nth time, the Riddler's hair should be black), Booster Gold V2 (the whole final "punch" of the issue is that Booster went into the future to the wrong date, but the writer messes up the dates in the conversation between Booster and Rip... thanks to Dante for the heads-up, even though I had noticed it already), Dark Avengers (Osborn's eyes), Fall of the Hulks: Gamma (I only noticed this while looking up some Betty Banner-Ross pictures, but they colored her eyes incorrectly in this issue from some time ago), Heroic Age: Prince Of Power (a Broxton woman brings food gathered by the locals to the ruins of Asgard, and Heimdall asks her "what is this "spam"" she speaks of... but she never mentions spam at all... though there are a few at the Asgardian's feet), Incredible Hulk (Doom's eyes are wrong), Iron Man Noir (Pepper's eyes are wrong), Iron Man: Public Identity (accented letter), Justice League: Generation Lost (Fire's last name is da Costa, not Dacosta, and Captain Atom's boots should be blue), The Marvels Project (Namor's ankle wings are again GIGANTIC), New Avengers Finale (Danielle Cage's eyes should be green), R.E.B.E.L.S. (Adam's strange L.E.G.I.O.N. emblem disappears for a page, and Captain Comet's eyes change color), Sentry: Fallen Sun (Dr. Strange's eyes are wrong), Titans: Villains For Hire (Ryan Choi's eyes change from brown, to blue, then to brown with a blue ring around his left eye), Web Of Spider-Man V2 (Jameson's eyes should be blue, and Michelle Gonzalez gets called "Michele", MJ's eyes should be green), X-Men Forever V2 (Beast eyes, accented letter).
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"PUSHER FOR HIRE."

TITLE: New Avengers: Luke Cage (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Joe Sabino (letterer).

DISSECTION: Wow, Joe really did screw up on this one:


Cage talks like he's got people selling drugs? The villain who just attacked him says "it takes more than cats to hurt me"?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each. There's also a small writing mistake ("teaching tool" instead of "a teaching tool"), and once again, Danielle Cage is drawn as a blond boy, instead of a black-haired girl.
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"I SWORE AN OATH TO... DO STUFF WITH CHEMICALS AND PEOPLE!"

TITLE: New Mutants V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Zeb Wells (writer).

DISSECTION: In the midst of the Second Coming crisis; with Nightcrawler dead, and Karma loosing one of her legs, Beast, who had left Utopia, has come back to help. Cyclops tries to let him know how much he appreciates that, since Beast is angry at him for X-Force and stuff like... but Beast says that he's only there because his absence would do harm, and the Hippocratic Oath forbids him to cause harm.

Uhm... Wells, you do know beast has a doctorate in biochemistry, and that he's not actually a medical doctor, and therefore, has not sworn a Hippocratic Oath... right? Yes, it's been proposed that graduating scientists take an equivalent oath, but it's only been done in isolated teaching institutions, and only very recently.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. It's possible Beast is being sarcastic, since even not being a physician, he perform those duties regularly. Beast's eyes are colored incorrectly, and seven different characters have blank eyes for no discernible reason.
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"DT-FACTOR FOREVER."

TITLE: X-Factor Forever (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Louise Simonson (writer) and/or Dan Panosian (penciller).

DISSECTION: Check this out, it ought to be easy:


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Trish Tilby's eyes are colored incorrectly.
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"~"

TITLE: Zorro Matanzas (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Joseph Rybandt (editor).

DISSECTION: I was looking at the credits to see who the colorist was... and I noticed that colorist Sam Parsons has been credited in all issues for colors "& seperations". "Seperations"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Zorro's eye color is "seperated" incorrectly, and while letterer John Constanza made all Ñs right, he's obviously not using a font that has that letter, since he ended up writing "Senor" with a diacritic on top of the "e", which is absolutely perfect... if this was Guaraní, where such a letter exists.
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"!"

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: And of course, the piece of resistance. With a total of fifteen Spanish language (well, one is a French loan word in English) errors by Wagner, and fifteen lettering errors by Bowland, an even thirty dissections is something normal by now for a Zorro issue.

My new pet peeve? Wagner writes complete sentences or exclamations in Spanish, but uses only the closing exclamation point. And it's not that he's unaware that you need the opening one, because in a few other dialogues he does it right...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
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We ended up with a 6.4 Bazzars average in eighty seven dissections; normal stuff. This column's Cover Of The Week is once again a Marvel cover, pretty standard stuff, but nice to look at:


Steve Epting does a stock WWII Torch/Toro cover, but it's nice to look at... and there wasn't anything breathtaking, cover-wise, this week. Now, Moments of The Week, just four... first up, a nice ending for Mon-El's saga in the present:


Of course, he has the whole future ahead of him... My only concern is that Mon-El has been shown as in his mid-20s, or at most, early 20s... and when the rest of the legionnaires shown, especially Superman, look like teenagers. Ah, nothing that can't be explained away by saying the Phantom Zone will make him look younger. Next up, Steve Rogers welcomes Osborn to The Raft:


Good one, Steve. Just wear an actual costume soon, please. Then, a SHOCKING reveal!!!


Please, like it was hard to guess Thunderbolt Ross was Red Hulk, and Betty Red She-Hulk. Then, let's finish with Peter Parker asking himself, hypothetical "Why do I hate Spider-Man?":


He's got plenty stuff to hate Spidey for... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!