The Dissector

The Dissector #161.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Greetings to all of you gathered here today. As you know, deep within my core is all that remains of our honored Lantern dead. After much deliberation with Lantern Morro, the keeper of the crypt... we can think of no greater way to pay tribute to their strength, dignity, principles of justice... and of course ultimate sacrifice.. than with a memorial of life." Mogo, Green Lantern Corps V2 #47.

Running late!!! I might just make it in time, though. Welcome to the column for books released on 04/28, plus a couple of stragglers, and some stuff from FCBD 2010. Last DT! was hard to crack, apparently, but after several tries by longtime readers, newcomer Waka solved it. The guy crouching with the girl has his hand behind her foot, but her foot seems to be transparent and we can see his hand through it. Welcome to the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps, Ensign Waka!

Here are The Dissector's Picks Of The Week: Best Book Of The Week was Green Lantern Corps V2 #47. Peter Tomasi knows this book and its characters well, and Patrick Gleason always provides a solid, visually fulfilling art. Using four different inkers, however, is not the best choice. Worst Book Of The Week is Teen Titans V3 #82... the Dakota plot was weak, and Holocaust was insanely powerful (even with a power-up), taking on Superboy, Miss Martian, Kid Flash and Wonder Girl head-to-head... plus, I hate this new trend of allowing Beast Boy to shapeshift into alien or mythological animals...

The Rundown: Captain America V1 (accented letter, a character called by the wrong name), Detective Comics (in a flashback, Tim Drake is wearing a Robin costume he never wore), Green Lantern Corps V2 (one cover has Kilowog's badge wrong, the other has his ring wrong), The Invincible Iron Man V2 (Reed Richard's eyes should be brown), Justice League: The Rise Of Arsenal (Batman's emblems are wrong), Justice Society Of America V3 (multiple accented letters), The Last Days Of American Crime ("buisness"), The Mighty Avengers (USAgent, accented letter), The New Avengers (The Hood's eyes change from brown to blue to brown again), Superman V1 (Sensor Girl's eyes are colored incorrectly), Teen Titans V3 (accented letters in penciller José Luís' name, plus Wonder Girl has an emblem belt buckle and then a regular one), Thor V1 (Volstagg's eyes should be blue), X-Men Forever V2 (Annual: "whom loves you").
<-------------------------------->
"FACE IS NOT IN MURDOCK'S BOOK."

TITLE: A-Team: War Stories: Murdock (IDW).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Guiu Vilanova (artist).

DISSECTION: Artists, and particularly IDW artists, are known to not draw faces on background characters. While it's a practice I don't consider correct, it's understandable. Some IDW artists, however, most specifically, the ones in most of their Star Trek books, have done it to characters that, while not important to the scene, are not in the background. This time, however, Vilanova has taken it too far:


Come on! This is outrageous! Those are the ONLY TWO CHARACTERS IN THE PANEL!!! ONE OF THEM IS THE STAR OF THE BOOK, AND THE OTHER ONE IS TALKING!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU LAZY MOTHERFUCKER!??!!?!?!?!?!?!? Not happy with that, he does it twice more, once again to Murdock, star of the book, WHILE HE'S TALKING AND IS ONE OF THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS IN THE PANEL, AND THEN AGAIN... but in that panel Murdock is not talking, at least.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. There's also a wrong name.
<-------------------------------->
"WAR IS MESSY."

TITLE: Battlefields (Dynamite).

ISSUE: Honestly, I give up.

CULPRIT: Joseph Rybandt (editor).

DISSECTION: You know I enjoy these books... except for "Dear Billy", all the Battlefield minis have been excellent... well, "Dear Billy" is not bad, but just not to my taste. My favorite was "The Tankies", a three issue miniseries last year. Now the Tankies are back! Is it Battlefields: The Tankies II? Or is it Battlefields: The Firefly And His Majesty, or Battlefields: The Firefly, as it was announced?

No, it's Battlefields #4. What? There was never a book called "Battlefields", it was just Battlefields: The Night Witches, Battlefields: Dear Billy, and Battlefields: The Tankies, Yes, originally it was going to be Battlefields 1 to 9, with each of those three stories taking up three issues; but then, Battlefield: Happy Valley was released... and now a second Tankies story gets #4?

If it's a continuation of the original series of three minis, it'd be #10... if it's a continuation of the whole thing, including Happy Valley, it'd be #13. And if it's a continuation to the Tankies, it'd be #4... So, any way they want to say Dynamite is trying to publish this, it still doesn't make sense. There's also a blurb at the end of issue #5 that says announces the next issue as the conclusion of "the second Battlefields arc". So they're trying to consider this part of Battlefields: The Tankies... why don't you name it Battlefields: The Tankies and that way you can number it from #4?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, a black character (a new guy) has blue eyes in issue #4, then in issue #5 he has black or brown eyes, which makes more sense. On the plus side, the German seems to be right, and they forewent the use of accented characters, so Simon Bowland didn't make any letter smaller than it should have.
<-------------------------------->
"THE DISSECTOR: LEGACY."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: Various.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I've occasionally been calling "X-Men Legacy" the wrong name, "X-Men: Legacy".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN GOTHAM, DAYS ARE SHORTER."

TITLE: Gotham City Sirens (DC).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Andres Guinaldo (penciller) and Ian Hannin (colorist).

DISSECTION: Catwoman goes for a 6AM jog, and it's obviously summer or thereabouts, because it's broad daylight. A couple asks her to help them find their lost dog, and she doesn't want to, but when she goes back to the house, Harley convinces her to help her look for the pet. They search for three hours... Harley says that, literally, and in the same scene where she says that, the sky is dark, as if it's late afternoon/early evening.

Selina walks into the house immediately after talking to the couple, and even if takes Harley two hours to get dressed (and mind you, she's not wearing her costume and work make-up), they leave the house at 8AM, and three hours later, it's 11AM... it should be even brighter outside.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HULKED-OUT DISSECTION."

TITLE: Hulked-Out Heroes (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 02.

CULPRIT: Humberto Ramos (penciller).

DISSECTION: You have no idea how bad Teen Titans was this week, else this piece of crap would have been Worst Book Of The Week. Anyway, take a look at this:


Spot anything wrong?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HOMEMS X PRA SEMPRE."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Daniel HDR (penciller) and Wil Quintana (colorist).

DISSECTION: I had the small suspicion that Daniel HDR was Brazilian... and guess what, he is! So his name is probably something like Daniel Helioberto Da Rosa (and that's just the short version). Did he have the decency of calling himself Daniel Da Rosa, or Daniel, or Danielinho, as all Brazilians who do things internationally have? No, he doesn't.

Not only that, but he draws beast with blank white eyes in page 5, then in page 7, Beast has his normal, human blue eyes. Well, he corrected himself, good for you, Dani! But no, the next page, his eyes are featureless and yellow, and in page 9, they're back to normal. Then on page 13, they're white once more, and on page 22, they're yellow again. Good job!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, three times, for the fuck up. Not only that, but Ororo's eyes are blank all the time, and she's not using her powers.
<-------------------------------->
"PEEK-A-BOO!"

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Jean Grey cloaks herself and Beast from a space station's sensors, and based on what characters say, it's not telepathically. I'm sorry, but her powers are nothing like that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
So, we've got an average of 6.8 Bazzars in forty-three... I thought it was going to be higher, but there were a few lower graded dissections to balance out the tens. Now, Cover of the week... not Iron Man!!! It's Cap's turn:


Nice piece by Gerald Parel... and since I can't tell if that's Bucky or Commiebuster Cap, I can't say if the blue eyes are wrong or not. I just noticed that, but I can't actually dissect it... Now, Moments Of The Week... it was an eventful week, and we ended up with ELEVEN moments! First, Achilles tells a monster were to go:


Eloquent. Then, Atomic Robo's intelligent humor:


Then, a touching memorial for the fallen of the Green Lantern Corps:


May their light burn brightly forever! Speaking of Lanterns, don't piss Arisia off:


And don't piss Salakk off:


While you’re at it, on the Marvel side, don't piss Morbius off:


He's a punmaster. Speaking of pissed of guys:


God. Of. Fear. Yeah Obama, shake in your Air Force One. But there's no state like the Sith Empire:


That's... wow... the Mon Cals... damn... Now, let Quicksilver take care of a Gary Stu:


Mr. X is not as bad as the Sentry, but really, he tires me. Then, Ultimate Punisher has a nice vacation spot for you:


What, too harsh? Speaking of harsh:


Crap, that's my favorite X-Man! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!