The Dissector Special #08: Autopsy Awards 2009 Winners.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)


Thank you all for voting; here are your choices (and mine, hey, I voted first!) for the Autopsy Awards 2009:
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Best Writing Dissection:

Without a doubt, and by a landslide (73% of votes), the winner is:

W01-"RED LIGHTNING!" (The Dissector #108, 01/21/09)

COMMENT: This was a bit surprising; since James Robinson is a good writer, and this is not just sloppy science, but sloppy comic book reading comprehension.

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 683.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: Black Lightning uses his powers against a Kryptonian by surrounding him with lightning and then... CHANGING THE LIGHTNING'S COLOR TO RED, THEREFORE RENDERING THE KRYPTONIAN POWERLES??!?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?! Robinson, Kryptonians are powerless under RED SUNLIGHT, not RED ELECTRICITY!!! Black Lightning has ELECTRIC POWERS not SOLAR POWERS!!!

Robinson also has Starfire absorbing the yellow solar radiation from the Kryptonians to leave them powerless. This, while a stretch of her powers (she never had such control, her solar energy absorption is usually just passive), it's not absurd like what he does with Black Lightning's powers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. No less.
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Best Art Dissection:

Not as comfortable a win (37% of the votes):

A04-"IN-TER-NA-TIO-NAL." (The Dissector #141, 11/27/09)

COMMENT: The level of ignorance involved in this dissection is simply disheartening.

TITLE: War Machine V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Wellinton Alves (penciller).

DISSECTION: This is even worse, because if you want to justify the previous dissection, you can always claim "things are different in the Marvel Universe!". In this case, however, there is no excuse. Jim Rhodes stands before a single judge (something that never happens in the ICC as far as I was able to ascertain) in an ICC courtroom (that looks nothing like the real ones)... and there's a US flag to the side of the judge and a US seal behind her.

Why? Why the hell would you do that Alves? INTERNATIONAL. CRIMINAL. COURT. INTERNATIONAL!!!

INTER-FUCKING-NATIONAL!!!

I can understand an American, with the (no offense meant to my American readers) general sense of being the center of the world US citizens have, starting with the fact that they call themselves "Americans", as if they were the only residents of the American continent. But a Brazilian artist? Please Wellinton, use the internet, do some research... Typing three worlds and clicking on three links I found this 360º photographic virtual tour of one of the ICC. And even if you didn't HAVE an internet connection, why in the name of Khan Noonien Singh would you think of putting US symbols in the INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL COURT??!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Of course, there are eye color mistakes and other stuff.
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Best Coloring Dissection:

There wasn't a lot going on in this category:

C04-"DISSECTION MACHINE!" (The Dissector #138, 11/06/09)

COMMENT: The problem here was that the woman is James Rhodes' mother; and she's a black woman... not in the picture.

TITLE: War Machine V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Jay David Ramos & Michael Bartolo (colorists).

DISSECTION: Come on, this one is very simple:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Norman's eyes. And please, bring Leonardo Manco back to this book...
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Best Lettering Dissection:

Another majority (50%):

L04-"RŒD TORNADŒ" (The Dissector #132, 09/14/09)

COMMENT: Just sloppy.

TITLE: Red Tornado V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 6.

CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).

DISSECTION: Okay, this book is only slightly less exciting than the Magog book; but at least it's a mini. The Magog book can only be explained by Keith Giffen wanting to write him and DC letting him... What's the dissection here? Well, Penciller José Luís is credited with an accent in his last name on the cover (while other books have credited without it; the Brazilian spelling has an accent while the Spanish spelling doesn't, and I don't know if he's Brazilian or Hispanic). I can't really confirm a dissection there, and I'm inclined to believe he's Brazilian or even Portuguese...

However, look at what Sal Cipriano did inside of the book:


Man... that's not only wrong, it's not even POSSIBLE. You can't have a dot on the "i" AND an accent. If it wasn't for Simon Bowland's sheer volume of work...

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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Best Other Dissection:

This category was kind of slow, too:

O03-"EXAGGERATION, MUCH?" (The Dissector #142, 12/04/09)

COMMENT: Just an example of not paying attention.

TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).

ISSUE: 30.

CULPRIT: Christos N. Gage (writer) and/or Rachel Pinnelas (assistant editor) & Bill Roseman (editor).

DISSECTION: The intro blurb says "... after Stamford, Connecticut was destroyed..."; but Stamford was not destroyed, a school and surrounding houses in Stamford were destroyed.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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Best Quote Of The Year:

Another evenly voted category, and this quote won over the Tarot and KODT ones by a vote. It was just too good, even though I voted for the Atomic Robo quote:

Q06-"We are your gods! And not docile Morgan Freeman God, we're talking full-force, 110% Jack Kirby Gods! With armor and Omega Beams and chess pieces made to look like my enemies!" Wannabe warlocks at a convention, Angel #27. (The Dissector #143, 12/12/09)
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Best Moment Of The Year:

This was just too creepy and shocking:

M02-From Blackest Night #1: This was a very shocking, and creepy moment. (The Dissector #125, 07/29/09)

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Best Cover Of The Year:

By a small margin (the Flash: Rebirth cover was the runner-up, and I voted for that one), Blackest Night does it again:

T04-The below cover for Green Lantern Corps V2 #41 was way too creepy to not be the Cover Of The Week. Patrick Gleason's pencils capture the mandatory spookiness of an undead child; who's at the same time very smug (that smug lil' bastard face makes me think of my son's; who's smarter than most people and knows it). The inks are by Rebecca Buchman; and the colors by Randy Mayor and/or Gabe ElTaeb. (The Dissector #136, 10/23/09)

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Now, for the special awards, those based solely on numbers, or on "special" merit.
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Company With Most Dissections: This time around, it was Marvel (653 dissections), by less than 30 dissections more than DC (629). Very far in quantity was Dynamite (271), but if you consider the amount of Dynamite books I read (Zorro; The Boys, Buck Rogers, and a couple more) and compare them to the dozens of Marvel and DC books I read; then the comparative percentage is much higher. In fact, let me calculate that...

Let's see... In 2009 I read 121 Marvel books (titles, not issues), 100 DC books, and 7, read it, seven, Dynamite books. That makes Marvel a 5.4 ratio, DC a 6.3 ratio, and Dynamite a 38.7 ratio. So Marvel wins the "Company With Most Dissections" award, and Dynamite wins...
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Company With Most Dissections Per Titles Ratio: Of course, with a dissection ratio six or seven times higher than the big two, Dynamite won an award I just came up with. Zorro is your undoing, Dynamite. Oh, and in case you are wondering, Studio Robota, the parent company for The Dissector got fourth place in amount of dissections, with 81 hits; that is, an 8.1 ratio.
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Book With Most Dissections: Second year in a row, Zorro (Dynamite) with 209 dissections (120 more than last year). Runner-ups were The Dissector (Studio Robota) with 81, The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (Dynamite) with 68 (in only a handful of issues), and of course, X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel) closely behind with 63.
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Most Dissected Writer: Matt Wagner wins this again for Zorro (with some Madame Xanadu hits) with 95 dissections (32 more than last year), with myself, MaGnUs (The Dissector) with 81, Chuck Dixon (The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly; GI Joe) with 80, and Chris Claremont (X-Men Forever, GeNext), with only 15 (strange, right?).
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Most Dissected Artist: Ivan Reis (Blackest Night) with 35 (mostly getting Hal Jordan's badge wrong), second place goes, as last year, to Freddie Williams II (Final Crisis Aftermath: Run, JSA All-Stars) with 34, third to Mauro Cascioli (JL: Cry For Justice) with 31 (mostly Hal badges too), and fourth Sean Galloway (Wednesday Comics, Teen Titans story) with 25.
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Most Dissected Colorist: Dave McCaig (Wednesday Comics, Final Crisis: Rogues Revenge, others) with 15, second place to our friend Jeromy Cox (X-Factor, Amazing Spider-Man) with 14, and third place for Pete Pantazis (Trinity, JLA) with 12. No repeats from last year.
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Most Dissected Letterer: Once again, Simon Bowland (Zorro, and others) with 170 dissections (more than three times his count from last year), with second place going to Tom Orzechowski (X-Men Forever, others) with 27, and third to prolific Joe Caramagna (a gazillion books) with 18.
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Most Dissected "Other": Old "friend" of the column Anthony Flamini (Marvel handbooks) with 12, second place shared by editors Lauren Sankovitch (Doctor Voodoo and others) and Stephen Wacker (Spider books) with 5, and third place for Tom Brennan (Spider books) with 3.
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Single Issue With Most Dissections: Zorro #15 (IDW), with 36 dissections. With this, Zorro and IDW also share the "Golden Bonesaw Award" for catastrophic underachievement.
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Cyclone Fashion Award To The Most Mutable Costume: Actually, it goes to Norman Osborn's eyes, for changing contacts all the time (basically EVERY Marvel book).
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May Cervantes Smite You By Strangling You With His Moustache Award: All the bloody accented letters, Ñs, cedilles, etc, that letterers keep making smaller than the rest of the letters in the word.
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Most Annoying Book That Is Still Good To Read Award: Zorro, because as I always say, it's still a great book... if I can hear myself think over the sound of my teeth gritting.
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Creator That I'm Sorry I Have To Dissect Award: Shared by colorist Christina "CeeCee" Strain and letterer (and now writer) Joe Caramagna, for being so awesome that it hurts to dissect them when they slip up. They don't screw up, like Jeromy Cox or Matt Wagner, they slip up.
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Coal-Fueled Diesel Trainwreck Issue Award: Legion Of Super-Heroes #50 *draws breath* IT FUCKING SUCKED! DC Comics cancels the book, fucks up Jim Shooter's storyline (by ending the storyline in a hurry, getting an editor to wreck it), and releases a book with a creative team that doesn't match what was promised. "Justin Thyme" writes the book, possibly because Shooter wanted nothing to do with this travesty, and Francis Manapul is pulled out of the project to work on something else, turning the art chores over Ramon Bachs, who ought to have his hands chopped off... or perhaps, it's already happened, the way he draws...

Not only do his characters look hideous, but they also change designs inside the same issue. Actually, I've seen stuff by him before, and it wasn't bad... so this means that he either drew this issue in 15 minutes, while drunk; or that he paid his ten year old nephew to draw it for him. How does DC top this? By saying goodbye with a "We greatly appreciate the support of our loyal readers!" Yeah, that's why you fucked them over with this comic. Thanks!
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Bloody Stumps With Blunt Crayolas Award: Shared by Javier Aranda (Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts), and Ramon Bachs (Legion Of Super-Heroes).

Javier brought us these pearls:

(...) Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts #1 (...) the art by Javier Aranda is simply atrocious. Look below, and even overlooking the large amount of errors (later in the column), I cannot help wondering why, with all the good, and even mediocre artists that probably charge cheap, must art chores be given to people with blunt crayons tied to bloody stumps?


See what I mean? What the hell is wrong with Troi's hair? Why does Picard's head keep changing shapes? Why does Beverly Crusher look like a crash test dummy with a wig? Why do people in general look like characters from a crappy fan comic? *sigh*

Also, I just noticed while searching for Aranda's crap, that back in The Dissector #87 (09/16/08), he did this:


That's the ugliest Superman I've seen in a while...

Ramon Bachs, on the other hand, did that Legion issue from the previous award, and one of the art dissections nominees (the Gazelle one).
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Worst Character Depiction Although You Obviously Have Talent Award: Steven Sanders (S.W.O.R.D.), for doing this to Beast:


Uhm... WHAT??!?!?!? He looks like one of the multiple versions of Star Wars' Bothans.
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Breakout Book Of The Year: Spin Angels (Marvel/Soleil). Wish I'd thought of this category before... ah well, retroactive award for 2007 is for Atomic Robo, and I'll get back to you on 2008.
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Best Character Of The Year: Spider-Man. The Spidey Brain Trust (as the weekly book's writer team calls itself) has managed to make an engaging comic book, while never writing Peter out of character. They remember he's basically a genius, they remember his self-doubt, and his jokes are still bad, but funny.
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Worst Character Of The Year: Magog. Horrible legacy from the nineties, go away!
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Best Event Of The Year: Blackest Night. Well handled, cool visuals, and you don't have to read every single book tie-in to follow it. I particularly liked the fact that "Green Lantern light + Other Color Lantern light" is not the only way to stop the Black Lanterns, allowing writers to get creative (despite a couple of screw ups).
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Worst Event Of The Year: Necrosha. Unnecessary, bland, and came out around the same time as Blackest Night, making it look as a copy (even though I'm sure it wasn't).
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Best Publisher Of The Year: Hands down, DC Comics, with Blackest Night and tons of Legion goodness.
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Worst Publisher Of The Year: Sadly, Dynamite Comics, despite their many good books (Zorro, Boys, etc). Their insensitivity to Spanish readers and utter inability to have their editors correct Matt Wagner on the atrocities he commits on Zorro drove me to write them a complaint, and I'm sure I'm not the only Spanish speaker who has... yet they've done nothing.
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Funniest Book Of The Year: Shared by Comic Book Comics (Evil Twin) for its sheer hilariousness, and Power Girl V2 (DC) for combining fun with great action and sexy, yet not sexist art.
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Best Creator Of The Year: Geoff Johns, for his Green Lantern, Flash, and Legion stuff.
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Worst Creator Of The Year: Javier Aranda. How do editors hire you?
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Worst Book Of The Year: Final Crisis Aftermath: Escape. Hulk V3 actually had one more count as Worst Book Of The Week, but Hulk's sin is being bland and unoriginal. Escape was not only unnecessary (as all the Aftermath minis), a bad The Prisoner rip off, and had hideous art.
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Best Book Of The Year: Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel), Best Book Of The Week twelve weeks in the year (being a weekly book), and a consistently good read.
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That's it for this year; I'll be on the outlook for more nominees, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #138.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Welcome, readers, to the universe forming event known as the Big Bang... or as it's called in the DC Universe, the Big BIFF! BAM! POW! Much punchier." Narrator, Ambush Bug: Year None #7 (of 6).

Welcome to the column for books released on 10/28; last week of October, and the year comes to an end very soon. Wow, am I a master of stating the obvious, or what? Last week's DT! was cracked by Donald313 (one more badge and you make Lieutenant): Barry Allen's Flash mask never hid his eyes.

What were The Dissector's Picks Of The Week? I'll start by saying that Hulk #16 was the worst book of the week, that book sucks, and I should drop it. Best Book Of The Week? It was very hard to choose... New Mutants #6 was excellent; writer Zeb Wells understands the characters, and penciller Diogenes Neves uses his own style, but incorporates elements from the original NM book; such as character body language, or Professor X's eyebrows (after Bill Sienkiewicz). Superman: Secret Origin #2 was fangasmic, with the Legion, but it wasn't THAT good outside of that.

Unknown Soldier is a book that's consistently good; a good script, nice art, and good real world information articles about the conflict the book covers. This issue in particular had the added bonus of art by Patrice Masioni Makamba (aka Pat Masioni), a Congolese artist now living in France. I believe it's the first comic by an African artist that I've ever seen. Masioni brings not only an understanding of the African continent and its conflicts (even if he's not from the same place that the book happens in), but an interesting aesthetic, a mix of European and African art that's very appealing. I'm going to see if I can track down some of the work he's done in Europe and Africa to read.

But... none of those was the Book Of The Week. Too many to share the spot, even... so I had to go for another book: Spin Angels #3. As I've mentioned before it's an interesting tale about Catholic Church agents facing Templars and recovering early Christian relics to maintain the theological supremacy of the Church. The plot and script by Jean-Luc Sala are very good, well paced, engaging; and the art by Pierre-Mony Chan is something else. Like I also said before, the art is a good blend of European comic book art (ligne claire, in particular) and manga styling; along with a dash of American comics... not as good a blend as Gipsy, as sometimes the manga elements overpower the other elements, and it distracts a bit from the story. For example:


That has got to be the most annoying manga trick ever; particularly when the characters are using each other's name in the dialogues, and when the rest of the page can look something like this:


See what I mean? Well, go read it if you like Indiana Jones-esque stories; with a dash of The Da Vinci Code (or so I assume, since I've never read the book or watched the movie).

The Rundown for his week is the following: Arkham Reborn (Bruce Wayne's eyes are colored brown... even if he's actually Hush), Batman (Batman's costume is colored and drawn incorrectly), Blackest Night (Scarecrow and Ray Palmer's eyes are colored incorrectly), Dark Avengers: Ares (Ares and Norman's eyes are colored wrong), Green Lantern V4 (Hal's badge is wrong... just once), Incredible Hercules (accented letter), Justice Society of America V3 (Power Girl's hairdo keeps changing), Ms. Marvel V2 (again, Moonstone cannot transmute matter any longer), New Avengers (wrong Night Nurse, again!), Northlanders (a name is spelled wrong once), Nova V4 (odd spelling for words), Ultimate Comics Armor Wars (Sabra's head is mounted on a wall; but her last name is spelled "Bat-Serpah", when it's "Bat-Seraph"... yes, Ultimate characters might have different names, and she even looks different... but this smells like a mistake), World's Finest V3 (Christopher "Lor Zod" Kent did not just now come to see that his father (General Zod) is evil... he was tortured by him from birth...), X Necrosha (Selene and Jetstream's eyes are colored incorrectly), X-Factor V3 (Guido, for some reason, is a black man), X-Force V3 (Magik's eyes should be blue, not brown). And now, dissections!
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"GOOBLY EYES."

TITLE: Dark Reign - The List: Punisher (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Dean White (colorist).

DISSECTION: I no longer devote time to Norman Osborn's eye color, or space, it usually goes into the Rundown... but in this book he has green eyes on page four, then brown eyes on page six; then green and brown eyes on page seven... I mean, I can accept that his eye color changes to green (from his correct blue one) when he starts to lose control (because of the goblin serum)... but he's calm most of this book, and in most books his eyes get colored green.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Daken has red glowing eyes at one point..
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"SISQÓ."

TITLE: Final Crisis Aftermath: Ink (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: Eric Wallace (writer).

DISSECTION: A character that looks EXACTLY as Avery Brooks when he played Benjamin Sisko in Deep Space Nine gets called on the fact... but Wallace wrote "Sisco".

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"IS YOGA SUPPOSED TO BE THIS DIFFICULT?"

TITLE: Marvel Divas (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa (writer) and/or Tonci Zonjic (artist).

DISSECTION: Danny Rand teaches a Zen yoga class for superheroines, and Crystal, Tigra, She-Hulk and Storm are there... their presence their ranges from the unlikely (Storm is kind of busy with the X-Men and Wakanda, She-Hulk is M.I.A.), the highly unlikely (Tigra is a fugitive, no two ways around it), to the damn right impossible (Crystal is in Kree space). The status of Jericho Drum as Sorcerer Supreme (Doctor Voodoo now) places this within current continuity, thus making the above heroines taking the class difficult or impossible.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Doctor Voodoo gets blue eyes, and the heights of Pulsar, Firestar, Black Cat, and Hellcat are all mixed up and keep changing throughout the issue.
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"WRONG MODEL."

TITLE: Models, Inc. (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Paul Tobin (writer).

DISSECTION: The "crashin' fashion" fake blog at the end of the book talks about the Night Nurse, and uses art from New Avengers... and you guessed it, it also identifies this nurse as Linda Carter, when she's Christine Palmer.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, there's a small grammatical error in the zombie backup story.
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"DISSECTION MACHINE!"

TITLE: War Machine V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Jay David Ramos & Michael Bartolo (colorists).

DISSECTION: Come on, this one is very simple:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Norman's eyes. And please, bring Leonardo Manco back to this book...
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"NEW NEW MUTANTS."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Moose Baumann & Sotocolor's Adam Street (colorists).

DISSECTION: I'm betting it was Moose.... Now, the New Mutants are characters with over 20 years of existence, and an integral part of mutant mythos at Marvel. But in this book, Cannonball gets red hair instead of his blond hair; and Wolfsbane gets a more jarring white to her normally red hair.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each. Also, Wolverine's eyes are colored brown instead of blue, and Kitty Pryde gets blue eyes instead of her hazel ones. There's also an accented letter that's too small. At least "Zigfried" Trask gets renamed "Sigrid" (a female name)... but only in the intro text; not the book itself, so I'm afraid Claremont will keep calling her "Zigfried".
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That's another end of a column, with a 6.4 Bazzars average in thirty-six dissections. Cover Of The Week was this pretty cover by Guillem March for Gotham City Sirens #5:


I like me some cheesecake... Moments Of The Week! Superboy (albeit with an old lady's face) coins the Legion of Super-Heroes battle cry:


Nice! Then, if all the dead with significance to superheroes are rising...


Holy crap! Then, speaking of dead people... Punisher gets killed by Daken in "Dark Reign - The List: Punisher", so what happens next?


Eww.... BAD idea... Speaking of the Punisher, the Hood might have resurrected his family, and what does Frank do?


Shit Frank, you're one sad, sick puppy... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #135.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Been a while... but toppling banana republics is like riding a bike. Once you learn how, you never forget." Crossbones, House Of M: Masters Of Evil #3.

Welcome to the column for comics released on 10/07! Nobody cracked the DT!; although JohnnyDoe came close. He mentioned that "Victor Sage" wasn't The Question's real name, but a pseudonym, which he used in his TV reporter career. That was almost right... the problem is that the grave says "Victor Sage", and Charles Victor Szasz never used the name "Victor"... he was always just "Vic".

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week were the following: Best Book Of The Week was The Boys #35; we get Mother's Milk origin, which is a nice thing. Worst Book Of The Week was almost Captain America: Theater Of War - Ghosts Of My Country, with its purely patriotic story which tells us nothing about the character; but the writing wasn't actually bad, and the art was passable. How does Paul Jenkins, a Brit, manage not to puke while writing this drivel? I guess it's the same way I talk nice to customers: it pays the bills. No, Worst Book Of The Week was Magog #2... the writing is awful; and the art is downright disgusting... Someone hide Howard Porter's pencils, please:


Eww, right? Before the full dissections, here comes The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Ben Reilly's eyes are colored blue; then brown, as they should be), Angel ("Los Angles", and hair color mistakes), Black Panther V5 (Reed Richards is given blue eyes; again Wakandans writing in English), Doom Patrol V5 (both Mento and Elasti-Girl have wrong eye colors), Final Crisis Aftermath: Run (John Stewart's boots, emblems and eyes are wrong), The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (several language dissections, but nothing as bad nor as many as before, Dixon's getting better at it), Greek Street (one typo), Justice League: Cry For Justice (Hal Jordan's badge is incorrect all the time, Vixen's not wearing her totem, Zatanna and Red Arrow have wrong costumes; while Firestorm looks like Ronnie Raymond), R.E.B.E.L.S. (L.E.G.I.O.N. satellites with writing in English), Star Wars Halloween Special (Chewbacca gets brown eyes instead of his baby blues).
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"THE UNSEEN MEDICINE TEXTBOOK."

TITLE: Batman: The Unseen (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Doug Moench (writer).

DISSECTION: There is no such thing as a "vaso-musculature system".

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"I WISH I COULD UNSEE THIS."

TITLE: Batman: The Unseen (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Kelley Jones (artist).

DISSECTION: Yes, I know Batman's cape, and his whole costume is used for dramatic effect, altered slightly by the artist, but this is ridiculous:


Look at those glove spikes, thirty centimeters long! Half-meter long bat ears! A circus tent cape! Please!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"DOZENS OF DISSECTIONS."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 134.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Donald313 noticed I wrote "dozens several occurrences", when it should have been "several occurrences" only.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Badge for Don, two more and you make Lieutenant.
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"DE OTRO PALO..."

TITLE: Doctor Voodoo: Avenger Of The Supernatural (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Jefte Palo (artist).

DISSECTION: Use your divination powers on this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There's also a few lettering errors; and the writer has Doctor Voodoo run a clinic and treat patients as if he was a medical doctor... when he's a psychologist.
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"PROFILE, SCHMOFILE."

TITLE: Doctor Voodoo: Avenger Of The Supernatural (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Unknown profile writer and Lauren Sankovitch (editor).

DISSECTION: The profile for Doctor Voodoo is sorely out of date; it's for "Brother Voodoo", it narrates some of his recent adventures without noting that some of those adventures were not had by him but by a Skrull impersonating him; and it neglects to include his recent ascendance to Sorcerer Supreme. Pitiful.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each,
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"EYE-GOG."

TITLE: Magog (DC).

ISSUE: 02

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi Designs (colorist).

DISSECTION: Ted Grant's eyes are colored incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"AGENTS OF X-OSKELETON."

TITLE: X-Men Vs. Agents Of Atlas (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 02.

CULPRIT: Jeff Parker (writer).

DISSECTION: Rockslide does not "assimilate rock as an exoskeleton"; he is a psionic entity that creates a body out of rock for himself. There is a big difference.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Pixie does not "seem magical, but pure mutant youth"; she is part magical now.
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So, that gives us a 6.8 Bazzars average in fifty-one dissections, pretty high. Now, Cover Of The Week was the following:


From Absolution #2; from Warren Ellis Press... I mean, Avatar Press... Simple fan service, but I liked the cover. Now, the Moments Of The Week; just two. First, Spidey tells us what the intarwebz are for:


Eww... Osporn... Then, the most horrible Wolverine jumping pose ever:


What is he doing, rocking on his abs? That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #134.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I REALLY need to restructure my life so I can spend more time reading abstracts and less time punching dinosaurs." Atomic Robo, Atomic Robo And The Shadow From Beyond Time #5 (09/16).

"(...) you read a lot. You'd be the only other one in a town that values the weight of a pig more than the works of Nikola Tesla." Young Lex Luthor about Smallville, Superman: Secret Origin #1 (09/23).

"My girth brings fear to my enemies." Volstagg The Voluminous, Thor #603 (09/30).

Sorry it's taking me so long to catch up... I started a new position at work; completely new stuff; plus I changed to a day shift after more than three years working nights. It's taking me some time to adjust, that's all. This column, as you might have surmised from the three quotes above, is for comics published in the last three weeks of September. I still have the first week of October, and the second one will pile up with that one too; but I think I'll write two separate columns. The Rundown is gargantuan; so I've posted it a couple of days ago. You can check it out if you feel like it.

You had a long time to solve the last DT!, but it seems there's not enough trekkies among my readers. I'll elaborate later in the column, but the problem is that there was no Klingon Emperor in the time period the comic book "Romulans: Schism" takes place in. This column's DT! is not Star Trek themed, promise.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week(s), I'll try to make it as short as possible. Best Book Of 09/16 was Atomic Robo And The Shadow From Beyond Time #5; not the best issue in the mini, but better than the rest of the stuff that week. Worst Book of that week was Final Crisis Aftermath: Escape #5, awful like the rest of the series. Best Bok of 09/23 was Ghostbusters: Displaced Aggression, a good idea to have the 'Busters time travelling; and a steampunk wild west issue with Venkman was a great start. Worst Book of that week was Dark X-Men: The Confession; completely unnecessary, it was forced and it was hard to believe that Cyclops and Emma Frost really didn't know what the other was up to; or that they would really kick up a shit storm when they found out. I actually expected a confession that shocked readers; not stuff we already knew and the characters themselves didn't care much about.

Best Book for 09/30 The Last Days Of Animal Man #5; I wish Gerry Conway was given an ongoing book with Buddy, or at least a second feature... yes; please, a second feature of Animal Man in some other book!!! Worst Book of that week was Hulk #15; it's not really THAT horrible a book, it's just bland, and I don't like Ian Churchill too much.

Before moving on to the dissections; I'd like to announce the official opening of a comic book... publisher? Self-publishing group, is more like it; which will start as a digital endeavour; but might evolve into print in the future. I'm one of the founders; and I'm still working on stuff to publish, it'll eventually feature my work. It'll be mostly in Spanish; but my comics I'll try to publish both in that language and in English; so please stop by G.A.S. Digital (Grupo de Arte Secuencial, Sequential Art Group) to check it out. There; dissections time!
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"BLACKEST DISSECTION."

TITLE: Blackest Night (DC)

ISSUE: 03 of 08.

CULPRIT: Ivan Reis (penciller) and/or Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Right away, spot me this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There's also dozens several occurrences of Hal Jordan's badge being incorrect.
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"DAYLIGHT SAVINGS."

TITLE: Blackest Night: Superman (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 08.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: A customer thanks the barber for staying open especially for him; a teenager is called to diner; but the very first caption says "This Morning".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. This one was reported by Dominik, badge for him. There's also a minor art dissection.
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"COLOR BLIND DEAD."

TITLE: Blackest Night: Titans (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi Design (colorist).

DISSECTION: Piggylicious wrote on the TCN forums: "On page 15, Bart, Donna, and Cassie are seen in Ring-O-vision and Donna is violet. The text clearly states that she is showing "Will", which should be Green, because Green is the color of Willpower. If you want proof just read any Green Lantern title EVER, or hell, even any other Blackest Night Title."

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Badge for you, Piggy, welcome to the HDSC. There's also a problem with some eyes colored incorrectly.
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"MAC GARGMOM."

TITLE: Dark Reign - The List: The Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: Venom is spelled "Venmom" at one point. Snakebyte spotted this one, welcome back, Vice Admiral.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"THE DISSECTTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 133.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I wrote "Scarlett" instead of "Scarlet". Yes Snake, we get it, you're back.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"AIN'T NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT."

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 46.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Dominik noticed that two conflicting stories as to how Black Lanterns can be killed. From his review: "After Indigo-1 has done it effortlessly in the last issue of Blackest Night, here’s the recipe to destroy a Black Lantern, finally spelled out. And I shall quote Hal Jordan here: “Sanitize the Black Ring with light, green or whatever other colour you’ve got. It leaves the ring brittle – you can shatter them – and it’ll cause a feedback that destroys the Black Lantern.” Basically, the recipe is to wash the black ring.

This – of course – doesn’t quite add up to the explanation given in Blackest Night #3 which goes as follows: “Green Light, reinforced with another such as ours will neutralize the Black Rings and leave them susceptible to conventional damage. Once destroyed, the ring initiates a feedback, which renders the Black Lantern inert. The more shades of the emotional spectrum shining together, the stronger the light.” Basically, Green plus X makes them vulnerable and then you can punch the death out of them."

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Another badge for you, Dom.
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"RANT COMING ONLINE... NOW!"

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 46.

CULPRIT: Andy Kubert (variant cover penciller).

DISSECTION: *sigh* HAL JORDAN'S BADGE IS THE ONE IN THE FREAKING LOGO OF THE COMIC!!! COME ON!!! HOW HARD CAN IT BE?!!!?!?!?! I'VE SAID IT SEVERAL TIMES ALREADY, AFTER SUPERMAN AND BATMAN, HAL'S EMBLEM IS THE MOST ICONIC OF ALL SUPERHEROES!!!!! In fact, icon-wise; graphic wise, it might just be the most iconic one... Variant cover artist Andy Kubert gets it wrong; but at least main cover and interior artist Doug Mahnke gets it right; which is a good thing, since he had been getting it wrong in previous issues and on Blackest Night: Tales Of The Corps. Let's see if he gets it right next issue... and if other artists can get it right.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Mongul's blood is colored incorrectly.
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"RING YOUR RING."

TITLE: Justice League Of America 80 Page Giant (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: JT Krul (writer, main story).

DISSECTION: Hal Jordan's ring is taken from him, and oh no, he can't use it. Except it's been shown time and again that Lanterns can control their rings even if they're not wearing them; as long as they're nearby.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. There's a few other art and writing dissections too.
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"SMELLS WRONG."

TITLE: Justice League Of America 80 Page Giant (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: JT Krul (writer, main story).

DISSECTION: I don't care if Cheetah's powers come from a goddess of fertility, or how heightened her sense of smell is; she can't tell that a newborn baby is not unrelated to another person just by scent.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"HISTORY FAIL."

TITLE: Marvel Divas (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Tonci Zonjic (penciller).

DISSECTION: Firestar is shown in the Massachusetts Academy; with Emma Frost as a teacher. Not only is she shown wearing normal clothes (instead of her usual lingerie), but she and a student have X-symbols in their clothes. Right. Tonci, you do know Emma frost was a villain and not a part of the X-Men family until a LONG, LONG time after Firestar left her Academy, don't you? I'll even overlook the fact that as far as I remember Emma Frost never actually taught the Hellions anything, and that the student with the X on the back of his shirt was never seen among them, but you might want to research before you draw.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Of course, there's also an accented letter smaller than it should be.
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"HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NURSE!"

TITLE: New Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 57.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer), Stuart Immonen (penciller), and Dave McCaig (colorist).

DISSECTION: The Night Nurse makes an appearance... but it's the wrong one. The one who treats superheroes and dated Doctor Strange is Linda Carter, and this (from the character design and the fact that she works at a hospital) is Christine Palmer. Several Avengers from this team have been treated by Carter, she's well known by them; while Palmer has only dealt with Storm and Nightcrawler.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Daken's eyes are colored incorrectly.
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"BEWARE MY PRESCIENT SUPER STRENGHT!"

TITLE: Punisher V8 (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual 01.

CULPRIT: Rick Remender (writer).

DISSECTION: One of the villains induces "clairvoyant rage" in other people. "Clairvoyant"? Rick, do you even know what the word means?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There's also Frank's eyes colored blue instead of brown (Dominik spotted these), Letha's called "Leetha"; her hair braid is like a flat, bi-dimensional thing (Dom too), Spider-Man's chest emblem is wrong, and Lascivious' wounds disappear magically, as well as the dirt and blood around them (Dom as well).
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"PLAKH!"

TITLE: Star Trek: Romulans: Schism (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).

DISSECTION: Like I said, before, Klingons didn't have an Emperor for a long, long time. Here's the crowning moment of this screw-up. While his Star Trek books are the best stuff Byrne's written in a long time (I love his work, but lately, he's been... out of touch with what comic book readers want); he's made a grave mistake. There's a Klingon emperor (and a Princess) during the late 2260s; when the story takes place. There was no Emperor in the Klingon Empire from the mid-21st Century to 2369 (and then only in a ceremonial position, the clone of Kahless).

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. It's one thing to make that mistake in an ad, but in the comic itself? Byrne could have perfectly used the patriarch of an influential Klingon house in that role; instead of making up stuff that's utterly wrong.
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"PUJ'O!"

TITLE: Star Trek: Romulans: Schism (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (artist).

DISSECTION: The Klingon princess (ugh) has completely human feet. Klingons have ridged feet.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Klingon blood is colored pink... Byrne and Lovern Kindzierski need to catch up on their Trek.
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"IT'S SORT OF... KIND OF... FAMILIAR, I THINK..."

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 64.

CULPRIT: Joe Casey (writer).

DISSECTION: Gee Supes, good thing the markings on the Kryptonian battlesuits that are ALMOST EXACTLY like the one you own are familiar!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, it's either non-recombinant drive or neo-recombinant drive. Make up your mind, Joe.
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"WALLY SHARES THE SPEED FORCE."

TITLE: Titans V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 17.

CULPRIT: Ángel Unzueta (penciller).

DISSECTION: God, I didn't notice this when I read it, but look at blog entry by Bleyer (in Spanish). First Beast Boy has Wally on his left, and Roy on his right. Then Wally is on his right... and then Roy is on his left!

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"WOULD YOU LIKE BODIES FLOATING IN YOUR DRINK?"

TITLE: Wolverine: Weapon X (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Ron Garney (penciller).

DISSECTION: I don't read this book, but Dominik says "Dead bodies don't sink in shallow water when wearing light clothes. Wearing heavy clothes, such as body armour, they don't get carried away by the water if they don't swim due to their kit. They get buried in sand."

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"WHEN IT'S NOT HIS FEET..."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Steve Scott (penciller) and Lee Loughridge (colorist).

DISSECTION: Beast does not have yellow eyes without pupils or irises!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. There's also an accented letter that's too small, Rogue's eyes are colored blue instead of green, and "Zigfried" Trask is a woman with a male name.
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This was indeed a macro-column; with an average of 6.6 Bazzars in a whopping one hundred and forty-five dissections! Of course, it was three weeks, and three weeks with a lot of content. Let me show you the Covers Of The Week(s):

Cover Of The Week of 09/16 goes for this simple, yet beautiful cover from The Mighty Avengers #29, by Khoi Pham, Allen Martinez and John Rauch:


Week of 09/23 had this nice, if not very original or breathtaking cover from Detective Comics 857, by J.H. Williams III:



And lastly, week of 09/30 had a very sexy, very spunky cover from The Amazing Spider-Man #607, which is purrfect for the character it portrays; courtesy of J. Scott Cambpell (whose stuff I don't normally dig that much) and Edgar Delgado:


To end the column, Moments Of The Week(s)? Just the one moment from 06/16, one of the funny moments Atomic Robo never fails to deliver:


Detect Evil is a nice spell, you know? Now, from 09/23, as if Utopia wasn't already a big target for the rest of the world:


Damn... Then, Bruce Banner has stones...


... and a kid made of stone, too. Then, speaking of Utopia, look who's back:


Yeah baby! The Mutant Master Of Magnetism himself! As for 09/30, we start with a revelation of another Legionnaire in the Metropolis Science Police Squad:


Nice surprise. Then, The Adventures Of Thing Thing!


That brought a smile to my face. Next, don't mess with Sinestro:


It doesn't matter that your skin matches the rings, it still is the "Sinestro" Corps... Now, who makes Ares a proud pops?


The God Of Fear himself! Speaking of divine beings:


That's where the quote for the week of 09/30 came from, but the whole scene (and it was longer) was just too funny not to single out. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #132.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Well, if the Time Lords made the rules - and I'm the LAST Time Lord - I REPEAL THE RULES! HUZZAH! ICE CREAM FOR ALL!" The Doctor, Doctor Who #3.

Willkommen zu einer neuen Ausgabe von Der Sezierer! This is the der Spalte for comics released on 09/02... and I'll stop with the crap German; but you've got to admit it adds to the "mad scientist" vibe. I was about to declare the DT! uncracked, but once again JohnnyDoe got it! In this case, Mammoth, who is a large man, but by no means larger than a normal human (if your normal human is an NFL linebacker); while in this comic he's pictured as if each of his arms is as big as a person. Badge for you, Johnny; three more and you get promoted to Lt. Commander.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was The Boys #34; good ending to an arc; and a superb gore fest; which is what we expect of this book; plus the return of Love Sausage. See the Moments Of The Week to know what zany antics "Los Botijas" (as a friend of mine and I call them) were up to this week. Worst Book Of The Week? Easy, Exiles #6. Thank God they cut our suffering short... it wasn't as bad as what Claremont was writing before this volume; but it was a book that needed to be cancelled. Oh, why was it so bad? Rushed ending for a crappy book; double crappy. Yes, those are scientific terms.

On another note, I am now a published comic book writer!!! Local comic book "Cisplatino" includes in each issue an insert called "Cisplatino Visiones", with short stories about the book's characters, and I was asked to write a story about one of the villains, Lobo (no, not the Czarnian). It was drawn by the incredible Roberto Cúneo, and it's available in Uruguay and soon in Argentina. If anyone wants to buy a copy outside these countries, I'm sure it can be arranged. See photos of the launch party for the issue, by our local Peter Parker.

Dissections now. Oh, and Warehouse 13 is the best show currently out there for scifi fans, WATCH IT. WATCH. IT.
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"IN NON-COMMUNIST RUSSIA..."

TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 33.

CULPRIT: Peter Milligan (writer).

DISSECTION: Are we really supposed to believe that Batman's hotel phone can be tapped by the Moscow police?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"WAKANDAN SCENES FILMED IN NIGERIA."

TITLE: Black Panther V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Maberry (writer) and Will Conrado (artist).

DISSECTION: All signs in Wakandan protests; underscroll on TV screens, buildings, etc is in English. The Wakandans have their own language, and would not use English. What part of isolationist and highly nationalistic country did the authors not get?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Yup. One single dissection for all the occurrences, but a big fat one. Plus, there are some other mistakes, like "repulser" instead of "repulsor", and odd dialogue like "the young a man".
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"APOKOLIPS."

TITLE: Cable V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Duane Swierczynski (writer).

DISSECTION: The ship Cable is in is called "Ensahabnur"... Apocalypse's name is "En Sabah Nur"... I'm going to say this is a dissection; no matter how far in the future they are. Same goes for the word "aquired" on a monitor; when the rest of the English words are spelled correctly... it's not an intentional deformation of the language.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Hope's eyes, which are green, are colored blue on the cover by Dave Wilkins.
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"EYEXILES."

TITLE: Exiles V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Anthony Washington (colorist).

DISSECTION: Eyes. Eye color mistakes galore! The Scarlett Witch's eyes are colored brown, when she has blue eyes; Rachel Summers has green eyes and Aurora has blue eyes; and they get brown eyes here (wait, that sounded wrong)... while Rogue's eyes should be green, but they're colored green.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each.
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"HAL TO GET THAT OUT OF MY CHEST."

TITLE: Final Crisis Aftermath: Run (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).

DISSECTION: Several occurrences of John Stewart's chest emblem being replaced with Hal's.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. He also gets all white eyes, for some reason.
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"QUESTO E ESTO MACACO?"

TITLE: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Chuck Dixon (writer).

DISSECTION: So, it's not as bad as the previous issue, and it hasn't been as awful as Zorro, but there's still a few Spanish mistakes, mostly by Simon Bowland on the accented letters; and just three actual language mistakes and very minor. The worst is that Dixon writes "¿Que es este?"; a phrase that doesn't exist, it should be "esto".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for that one. A total of four accented letters for Bowland, two more Spanish mistakes on Dixon's part, and one random writing dissection.
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"CRY FOR PAYING ATTENTION."

TITLE: Justice League: Cry For Justice (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 07.

CULPRIT: Mauro Cascioli (artist).

DISSECTION: DC artists: GET. YOUR. GREEN. LANTERN. EMBLEMS. RIGHT.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars for each occurrence of Hal Jordan's emblem looking like John Stewart's; six in total.
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"MA-TOUCH-AND-GOG."

TITLE: Magog (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi Designs (colorist).

DISSECTION: Golly Gee Wilikers! It's what we've all been waiting for, a Magog ongoing!!! YAY!!! *clears throat* Well, Magog's healthy eye is blue, yet on one page it's colored brown; then blue in the next one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"OLD LACE TOOK HER ARSENIC."

TITLE: Marvel Pets Handbook (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator) and writer not credited for individual profile.

DISSECTION: The Marvel Handbooks people... my mortal enemies... Now, I didn't actually read this, I just flipped through it, and spotted only one dissection. On Old Lace's profile, it doesn't mention her death, which happened in Runaways V3 #11; about a month and a half ago. While I understand that the production for one these books takes time; Old Lace's death had been more or less announced, and a little coordination wouldn't have hurt.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"MERCY SPARX A NEW BOOK."

TITLE: Mercy Sparx (DDP).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: James Lowder (editor).

DISSECTION: Fun little book; not dying to get the next mini, but I will enjoy it when it comes out. Problem is, at the end of this issue they announce issue 2 of the second mini as coming soon; when issue 1 hasn't come out yet.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"RŒD TORNADŒ"

TITLE: Red Tornado V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 6.

CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).

DISSECTION: Okay, this book is only slightly less exciting than the Magog book; but at least it's a mini. The Magog book can only be explained by Keith Giffen wanting to write him and DC letting him... What's the dissection here? Well, Penciller José Luís is credited with an accent in his last name on the cover (while other books have credited without it; the Brazilian spelling has an accent while the Spanish spelling doesn't, and I don't know if he's Brazilian or Hispanic). I can't really confirm a dissection there, and I'm inclined to believe he's Brazilian or even Portuguese...

However, look at what Sal Cipriano did inside of the book:


Man... that's not only wrong, it's not even POSSIBLE. You can't have a dot on the "i" AND an accent. If it wasn't for Simon Bowland's sheer volume of work...

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"STRANGE DISSECTION."

TITLE: Strange Tales V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Paul Pope (penciller, Inhumans story).

DISSECTION: This one is perfect for a DISSECT THIS!


It's a hard one; and there's a second, lesser dissection that I won't reveal because it's related to this one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"WEDNESDAY HAS A LITTLE COUNTDOWN... "

TITLE: Wednesday Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 07 of 12.

CULPRIT: Sean Galloway (artist, Teen Titans story).

DISSECTION: Well... So far I had pardoned the errors in the Teen Titans costumes (robin's mask is not joined at the bridge of his nose, Wonder Girl is wearing a completely new design, and worse of all, Starfire is wearing something that looks more like the cartoon version of her costume), and now Beast Boy and Nightwing's costumes are also different to what they should be. I had let these dissections go because I assumed it was an out-of-continuity tale; like most in this book seem to be. But now they've referenced Countdown To Final Crisis events, so that gives me the clue that this IS in continuity, and therefore, the costume redesigns are just an artist doing what he wants.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each, except Starfire and Wonder Girl who get 8s. Also, Iris West's eyes are colored incorrectly.
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A total of sixty-nine dissections with an average of 7.0 Bazzars; we hadn't had a 7 since column #122, exactly ten issues ago. Let me show you the cover of the week, by Skottie Young, for Iron Man And The Armor Wars #2:


I like it, it's compelling. Now, the Moments Of The Week... First up, if there's something you can say about Buffy, is that characters do evolve and grow:


Andrew, for example, went to idiotic annoyance, to bumbling evil sidekick, to bumbling good sidekick, to a ballsy character of his own. Also:


Those are Dawn and Xander. Yup. Xander. And Buffy's little sister. And that's Buffy watching. Pervs. Now, from the best gaming comic book out there, an Easter egg that took me more than a year to catch; because I hadn't gotten that issue yet:


Thank you Jolly! And to end this column, what happened to Germany when the Nazis pushed the allies too far?


Well, the Americans, the British, and the Free French Forces attacked... then the USSR took Berlin from behind! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #130.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Georgie Porgie is naught but a breathing transport for Georgie Porgie's pudding, which seeks out peculiar quim and holes in young bucks trousers with the snuffling alacrity of a Provençal truffle pig." Percy Shelley, about Lord Byron, Frankenstein's Womb.

Welcome the column for comics released on 08/19; trying to stay on top of deadlines... The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week was, and I'm sorry Amazing Spider-Man, you were close, Atomic Robo And the Shadow From Beyond Time. Atomic Robo (sorry, Dr. Atomic Robo Tesla) teaming up with Carl Sagan is just priceless. Worst Book Of The Week was Final Crisis Aftermath: Dance #4... nonsense plot keeps getting worse.

A close runner-up for Worst Book was the Hellblazer graphic novel "Dark Entries"... first quarter of the book is pretty good, with John Constantine investigating some supernatural mumbo jumbo on a Big Brother meets Haunted Mansion reality show... which turns out to be a reality show with dead people (who don't know they're dead) in a section of hell which reminds you of Mojoworld... yawn...

The Dissect This! was cracked (for the third time in a row) by JohnnyDoe; who spotted that Geoff Johns had written "afflication" instead of "affliction". Badge for him. He also spotted an error I hadn't noticed, and one on my own work (see below for both).
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"PESKY GRAVITY."

TITLE: Adventure Comics (DC Comics).

ISSUE: 504.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Starman's powers are described as "gravity manipulation", when he actually manipulates the density and mass of objects. Similar effects, different methods. Badge for JohnnyDoe.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"THIS-ECT THIS AND THIS-ECT THAT."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 131.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I credited JohnnyDoe for cracking the DT! last week, but I said it was because of Krypto's gender, and that had been the week before. Last week's DT! was about the prosthetic hand on a character on "The Good, The Bad And The Ugly", which was colored and drawn as a normal hand in one panel, and then correctly the next one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Yet another badge for you, JD, keep raking them in.
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"FRANKSTEIN'S TYPESETTER."

TITLE: Frankenstein's Womb (Avatar).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Warren Ellis (writer) and/or non-credited letterer.

DISSECTION: Psst, it's "Provençal", not "Provencal".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"Закон средних."

TITLE: G.I. Joe Origins (IDW).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Chuck Dixon (writer).

DISSECTION: Don't have the resources or time to check all the Russian or Uzbek in the issue, but knowing Chuck Dixon, and the disaster he made of Spanish and French in "The Good, The Bad And The Ugly" (see column #128), I'm being benign if I just default it to three language errors in this book.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each. Am I being unjust? I don't think so, it's the law of averages... and I'm being lenient.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTNEXT."

TITLE: GeNext United (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 05.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Looks like Chris can't keep his nose clean for too long. Dissect me this, please:


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LIKE AN ANDROID'S BUM."

TITLE: Punisher: Frank Castle MAX (Marvel).

ISSUE: 73.

CULPRIT: Goran Parlov (artist).

DISSECTION: Frank has absolutely no scars on his body? In his MAX book? I don’t buy it. Particularly when his hillbilly paramour says she likes his "muscles and scars"

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Also, colorist Lee Loughridge gives Frank green eyes.
<-------------------------------->
"REFLECTING IN YOUR BIG BLUE EYES."

TITLE: Star Trek: Spock: Reflections (IDW).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Ilaria Traversi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Spock's eyes are colored blue. Come on, Ilaria, just watch a Star Trek episode!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TINY UN-RANT."

TITLE: Tiny Tyrant: The Ethelbertosaurus (First Second).

ISSUE: One-shot (apparently).

CULPRIT: Lewis Trondheim (writer) and/or unknown editor.

DISSECTION: Ah, tanjit, I can't consider what I found a dissection. But this book was a fun read, so I recommend it.

DISSECT-O-METER: N/A.
<-------------------------------->
"OH, MON PETIT CORY!"

TITLE: X-Factor V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 47.

CULPRIT: VC's Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: How cliché to have the "é" in that word be too small.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"JE T'ADORE, CORY!"

TITLE: X-Men: Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 227.

CULPRIT: VC's Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: Same thing, but in the word "chére". Pretty much a given when Gambit is around.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars,
<-------------------------------->
Meh, nothing too exciting, huh? On the other hand, it made for a faster writing of this column. This week's column had an average of 6.7 Bazzars in twelve dissections, higher than lately... Okay, The Cover Of The Week is...


Ex Machina #44. Pulp jacket? Check. Pulp goggles? Check. Steampunk cog? Check. Yeah, I'm easy. Thanks, Tony Harris and company. Now, the Moments Of The Week. First up, a familiar crew goes to the movies, and the slickest ladies man in Caltech hits on Power Girl:


... with predictable results. Then, Atomic Robo geeks it out:



Dammit, Robo, can't you see a bug is about to jump you? Who we gonna call?



CARL SAGAN! Hehe. Then, a historical moment in Archiestory:


Poor Betty! But fear not, here comes Jughead:


... he goes for the rebound... and MISSES!!! Last up, taking a page from The West Wing:


The president of the USA in New Earth, DCU is Hispanic. Nice. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!