DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"Well, if the Time Lords made the rules - and I'm the LAST Time Lord - I REPEAL THE RULES! HUZZAH! ICE CREAM FOR ALL!" The Doctor, Doctor Who #3.
Willkommen zu einer neuen Ausgabe von Der Sezierer! This is the der Spalte for comics released on 09/02... and I'll stop with the crap German; but you've got to admit it adds to the "mad scientist" vibe. I was about to declare the DT! uncracked, but once again JohnnyDoe got it! In this case, Mammoth, who is a large man, but by no means larger than a normal human (if your normal human is an NFL linebacker); while in this comic he's pictured as if each of his arms is as big as a person. Badge for you, Johnny; three more and you get promoted to Lt. Commander.
The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was The Boys #34; good ending to an arc; and a superb gore fest; which is what we expect of this book; plus the return of Love Sausage. See the Moments Of The Week to know what zany antics "Los Botijas" (as a friend of mine and I call them) were up to this week. Worst Book Of The Week? Easy, Exiles #6. Thank God they cut our suffering short... it wasn't as bad as what Claremont was writing before this volume; but it was a book that needed to be cancelled. Oh, why was it so bad? Rushed ending for a crappy book; double crappy. Yes, those are scientific terms.
On another note, I am now a published comic book writer!!! Local comic book "Cisplatino" includes in each issue an insert called "Cisplatino Visiones", with short stories about the book's characters, and I was asked to write a story about one of the villains, Lobo (no, not the Czarnian). It was drawn by the incredible Roberto Cúneo, and it's available in Uruguay and soon in Argentina. If anyone wants to buy a copy outside these countries, I'm sure it can be arranged. See photos of the launch party for the issue, by our local Peter Parker.
Dissections now. Oh, and Warehouse 13 is the best show currently out there for scifi fans, WATCH IT. WATCH. IT.
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"IN NON-COMMUNIST RUSSIA..."
TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).
ISSUE: 33.
CULPRIT: Peter Milligan (writer).
DISSECTION: Are we really supposed to believe that Batman's hotel phone can be tapped by the Moscow police?
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"WAKANDAN SCENES FILMED IN NIGERIA."
TITLE: Black Panther V5 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 08.
CULPRIT: Jonathan Maberry (writer) and Will Conrado (artist).
DISSECTION: All signs in Wakandan protests; underscroll on TV screens, buildings, etc is in English. The Wakandans have their own language, and would not use English. What part of isolationist and highly nationalistic country did the authors not get?
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Yup. One single dissection for all the occurrences, but a big fat one. Plus, there are some other mistakes, like "repulser" instead of "repulsor", and odd dialogue like "the young a man".
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"APOKOLIPS."
TITLE: Cable V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 18.
CULPRIT: Duane Swierczynski (writer).
DISSECTION: The ship Cable is in is called "Ensahabnur"... Apocalypse's name is "En Sabah Nur"... I'm going to say this is a dissection; no matter how far in the future they are. Same goes for the word "aquired" on a monitor; when the rest of the English words are spelled correctly... it's not an intentional deformation of the language.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Hope's eyes, which are green, are colored blue on the cover by Dave Wilkins.
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"EYEXILES."
TITLE: Exiles V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Anthony Washington (colorist).
DISSECTION: Eyes. Eye color mistakes galore! The Scarlett Witch's eyes are colored brown, when she has blue eyes; Rachel Summers has green eyes and Aurora has blue eyes; and they get brown eyes here (wait, that sounded wrong)... while Rogue's eyes should be green, but they're colored green.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each.
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"HAL TO GET THAT OUT OF MY CHEST."
TITLE: Final Crisis Aftermath: Run (DC).
ISSUE: 05 of 06.
CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).
DISSECTION: Several occurrences of John Stewart's chest emblem being replaced with Hal's.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. He also gets all white eyes, for some reason.
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"QUESTO E ESTO MACACO?"
TITLE: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (Dynamite).
ISSUE: 03.
CULPRIT: Chuck Dixon (writer).
DISSECTION: So, it's not as bad as the previous issue, and it hasn't been as awful as Zorro, but there's still a few Spanish mistakes, mostly by Simon Bowland on the accented letters; and just three actual language mistakes and very minor. The worst is that Dixon writes "¿Que es este?"; a phrase that doesn't exist, it should be "esto".
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for that one. A total of four accented letters for Bowland, two more Spanish mistakes on Dixon's part, and one random writing dissection.
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"CRY FOR PAYING ATTENTION."
TITLE: Justice League: Cry For Justice (DC).
ISSUE: 03 of 07.
CULPRIT: Mauro Cascioli (artist).
DISSECTION: DC artists: GET. YOUR. GREEN. LANTERN. EMBLEMS. RIGHT.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars for each occurrence of Hal Jordan's emblem looking like John Stewart's; six in total.
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"MA-TOUCH-AND-GOG."
TITLE: Magog (DC).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Hi-Fi Designs (colorist).
DISSECTION: Golly Gee Wilikers! It's what we've all been waiting for, a Magog ongoing!!! YAY!!! *clears throat* Well, Magog's healthy eye is blue, yet on one page it's colored brown; then blue in the next one.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"OLD LACE TOOK HER ARSENIC."
TITLE: Marvel Pets Handbook (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator) and writer not credited for individual profile.
DISSECTION: The Marvel Handbooks people... my mortal enemies... Now, I didn't actually read this, I just flipped through it, and spotted only one dissection. On Old Lace's profile, it doesn't mention her death, which happened in Runaways V3 #11; about a month and a half ago. While I understand that the production for one these books takes time; Old Lace's death had been more or less announced, and a little coordination wouldn't have hurt.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"MERCY SPARX A NEW BOOK."
TITLE: Mercy Sparx (DDP).
ISSUE: 04 of 04.
CULPRIT: James Lowder (editor).
DISSECTION: Fun little book; not dying to get the next mini, but I will enjoy it when it comes out. Problem is, at the end of this issue they announce issue 2 of the second mini as coming soon; when issue 1 hasn't come out yet.
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"RŒD TORNADŒ"
TITLE: Red Tornado V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 01 of 6.
CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).
DISSECTION: Okay, this book is only slightly less exciting than the Magog book; but at least it's a mini. The Magog book can only be explained by Keith Giffen wanting to write him and DC letting him... What's the dissection here? Well, Penciller José Luís is credited with an accent in his last name on the cover (while other books have credited without it; the Brazilian spelling has an accent while the Spanish spelling doesn't, and I don't know if he's Brazilian or Hispanic). I can't really confirm a dissection there, and I'm inclined to believe he's Brazilian or even Portuguese...
However, look at what Sal Cipriano did inside of the book:
Man... that's not only wrong, it's not even POSSIBLE. You can't have a dot on the "i" AND an accent. If it wasn't for Simon Bowland's sheer volume of work...
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"STRANGE DISSECTION."
TITLE: Strange Tales V5 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01 of 03.
CULPRIT: Paul Pope (penciller, Inhumans story).
DISSECTION: This one is perfect for a DISSECT THIS!
It's a hard one; and there's a second, lesser dissection that I won't reveal because it's related to this one.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"WEDNESDAY HAS A LITTLE COUNTDOWN... "
TITLE: Wednesday Comics (DC).
ISSUE: 07 of 12.
CULPRIT: Sean Galloway (artist, Teen Titans story).
DISSECTION: Well... So far I had pardoned the errors in the Teen Titans costumes (robin's mask is not joined at the bridge of his nose, Wonder Girl is wearing a completely new design, and worse of all, Starfire is wearing something that looks more like the cartoon version of her costume), and now Beast Boy and Nightwing's costumes are also different to what they should be. I had let these dissections go because I assumed it was an out-of-continuity tale; like most in this book seem to be. But now they've referenced Countdown To Final Crisis events, so that gives me the clue that this IS in continuity, and therefore, the costume redesigns are just an artist doing what he wants.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each, except Starfire and Wonder Girl who get 8s. Also, Iris West's eyes are colored incorrectly.
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A total of sixty-nine dissections with an average of 7.0 Bazzars; we hadn't had a 7 since column #122, exactly ten issues ago. Let me show you the cover of the week, by Skottie Young, for Iron Man And The Armor Wars #2:
I like it, it's compelling. Now, the Moments Of The Week... First up, if there's something you can say about Buffy, is that characters do evolve and grow:
Andrew, for example, went to idiotic annoyance, to bumbling evil sidekick, to bumbling good sidekick, to a ballsy character of his own. Also:
Those are Dawn and Xander. Yup. Xander. And Buffy's little sister. And that's Buffy watching. Pervs. Now, from the best gaming comic book out there, an Easter egg that took me more than a year to catch; because I hadn't gotten that issue yet:
Thank you Jolly! And to end this column, what happened to Germany when the Nazis pushed the allies too far?
Well, the Americans, the British, and the Free French Forces attacked... then the USSR took Berlin from behind! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
8 comments:
James Lowder, editor for Mercy Sparx e-mailed me to let me know that "For what it's worth, issue #1 of Under New Management was given out as the Free Comic Book Day issue of Mercy this year. That came out long before this issue, #4 of the first series, saw print. UNM #1 may be re-released as a repackaged #1, but, technically, it's out there already. Hence the mention of UNM issue #2 as the next issue in the pipeline."
You make a good point, James, but I didn't remember Under New Management's FCBD issue; and some people are not even aware of it; and while it's not technically wrong, I can still consider it a dissection. It does, however, get a lower rating, from 5 to 3 Bazzars.
James also mentions that The Dissector is a "Very funny column, by the by.", and that this is the "First time I've seen the column. I will be reading along from now on, though.". Thanks James, I'd love to have you on board as a reader.
I told him that I think this is the first time I find an error on a DDP title; and he told me that he's glad for that, and that Mike O'Sullivan and Cody DeMatteis deserve the bulk of the credit for that. Thanks again for the kind words, James.
...Rogue's eyes should be green, but
they're colored green...
What´s so bad about that?
Also, if I read that correctly in the scan, the Nazi in Boys was going "Was der Hölle" when he should say "Was zur Hölle". But there is a swastika on the cover, so I can´t get this issue here in Germany. Sigh.
Ah, good point on Rogue, I meant they're colored blue. Badge for you.
He's saying "Was... die... Holle", literally, not der, and "Holle" instead of "Hölle". I've seen "was die Hölle" in several German webpages; is that still incorrect?
Too bad you can't get that issue. There are scans available online...
Dissect this :)
On the screen that says "Not a moment to lose" and "Go Go"
there is someone running that was not on the previous screens.
The one saying "Go Go" did not appeared before and there is no one dressed that way on the previous screens.
I believe its the one that was behind the guy trying to open the can, but the shirt is colored different, instead of brown its green.
See you Magnus.
BTW, Congrats for the Cisplatino thing :)
Jordan; thanks for the congratulations. As for the DT!, it's nothing of what you say... yes; Gorgon's shirt is brown, and it looks greener in that second to last panel; but the whole lighting of that panel is different, and that green is still brownish, so I'll let that pass.
You are, however, close.
Okay, I´ll try.
Is it the leg in the right corner in the fifth panel? It can´t be Karnak´s leg, because he doesn´t wear long boots on his right leg, it can´t be Black Bolt (not blue) or Crystal (not yellow), or Medusa (not purple), or someone else? Just a wild guess.
Yeah, that's it, the leg. It's probably Karnak's, but they screwed up. Badge for you.
Question: "He's saying "Was... die... Holle", literally, not der, and "Holle" instead of "Hölle". I've seen "was die Hölle" in several German webpages; is that still incorrect?
It should be "Was zur Hölle" as well as "Was zum Teufel". "Was die Hölle" is a literal translation of "what the hell". Another thing that annoys the heck out of me is the ever present "Gott in Himmel", usually uttered by all those evil Nazis in WWII-Stories that should be "Gott im Himmel". But I´m kind of used to it by now.
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