The Dissector #132.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Well, if the Time Lords made the rules - and I'm the LAST Time Lord - I REPEAL THE RULES! HUZZAH! ICE CREAM FOR ALL!" The Doctor, Doctor Who #3.

Willkommen zu einer neuen Ausgabe von Der Sezierer! This is the der Spalte for comics released on 09/02... and I'll stop with the crap German; but you've got to admit it adds to the "mad scientist" vibe. I was about to declare the DT! uncracked, but once again JohnnyDoe got it! In this case, Mammoth, who is a large man, but by no means larger than a normal human (if your normal human is an NFL linebacker); while in this comic he's pictured as if each of his arms is as big as a person. Badge for you, Johnny; three more and you get promoted to Lt. Commander.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was The Boys #34; good ending to an arc; and a superb gore fest; which is what we expect of this book; plus the return of Love Sausage. See the Moments Of The Week to know what zany antics "Los Botijas" (as a friend of mine and I call them) were up to this week. Worst Book Of The Week? Easy, Exiles #6. Thank God they cut our suffering short... it wasn't as bad as what Claremont was writing before this volume; but it was a book that needed to be cancelled. Oh, why was it so bad? Rushed ending for a crappy book; double crappy. Yes, those are scientific terms.

On another note, I am now a published comic book writer!!! Local comic book "Cisplatino" includes in each issue an insert called "Cisplatino Visiones", with short stories about the book's characters, and I was asked to write a story about one of the villains, Lobo (no, not the Czarnian). It was drawn by the incredible Roberto Cúneo, and it's available in Uruguay and soon in Argentina. If anyone wants to buy a copy outside these countries, I'm sure it can be arranged. See photos of the launch party for the issue, by our local Peter Parker.

Dissections now. Oh, and Warehouse 13 is the best show currently out there for scifi fans, WATCH IT. WATCH. IT.
<-------------------------------->
"IN NON-COMMUNIST RUSSIA..."

TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 33.

CULPRIT: Peter Milligan (writer).

DISSECTION: Are we really supposed to believe that Batman's hotel phone can be tapped by the Moscow police?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WAKANDAN SCENES FILMED IN NIGERIA."

TITLE: Black Panther V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Maberry (writer) and Will Conrado (artist).

DISSECTION: All signs in Wakandan protests; underscroll on TV screens, buildings, etc is in English. The Wakandans have their own language, and would not use English. What part of isolationist and highly nationalistic country did the authors not get?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Yup. One single dissection for all the occurrences, but a big fat one. Plus, there are some other mistakes, like "repulser" instead of "repulsor", and odd dialogue like "the young a man".
<-------------------------------->
"APOKOLIPS."

TITLE: Cable V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Duane Swierczynski (writer).

DISSECTION: The ship Cable is in is called "Ensahabnur"... Apocalypse's name is "En Sabah Nur"... I'm going to say this is a dissection; no matter how far in the future they are. Same goes for the word "aquired" on a monitor; when the rest of the English words are spelled correctly... it's not an intentional deformation of the language.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Hope's eyes, which are green, are colored blue on the cover by Dave Wilkins.
<-------------------------------->
"EYEXILES."

TITLE: Exiles V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Anthony Washington (colorist).

DISSECTION: Eyes. Eye color mistakes galore! The Scarlett Witch's eyes are colored brown, when she has blue eyes; Rachel Summers has green eyes and Aurora has blue eyes; and they get brown eyes here (wait, that sounded wrong)... while Rogue's eyes should be green, but they're colored green.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"HAL TO GET THAT OUT OF MY CHEST."

TITLE: Final Crisis Aftermath: Run (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).

DISSECTION: Several occurrences of John Stewart's chest emblem being replaced with Hal's.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. He also gets all white eyes, for some reason.
<-------------------------------->
"QUESTO E ESTO MACACO?"

TITLE: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Chuck Dixon (writer).

DISSECTION: So, it's not as bad as the previous issue, and it hasn't been as awful as Zorro, but there's still a few Spanish mistakes, mostly by Simon Bowland on the accented letters; and just three actual language mistakes and very minor. The worst is that Dixon writes "¿Que es este?"; a phrase that doesn't exist, it should be "esto".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for that one. A total of four accented letters for Bowland, two more Spanish mistakes on Dixon's part, and one random writing dissection.
<-------------------------------->
"CRY FOR PAYING ATTENTION."

TITLE: Justice League: Cry For Justice (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 07.

CULPRIT: Mauro Cascioli (artist).

DISSECTION: DC artists: GET. YOUR. GREEN. LANTERN. EMBLEMS. RIGHT.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars for each occurrence of Hal Jordan's emblem looking like John Stewart's; six in total.
<-------------------------------->
"MA-TOUCH-AND-GOG."

TITLE: Magog (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi Designs (colorist).

DISSECTION: Golly Gee Wilikers! It's what we've all been waiting for, a Magog ongoing!!! YAY!!! *clears throat* Well, Magog's healthy eye is blue, yet on one page it's colored brown; then blue in the next one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OLD LACE TOOK HER ARSENIC."

TITLE: Marvel Pets Handbook (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator) and writer not credited for individual profile.

DISSECTION: The Marvel Handbooks people... my mortal enemies... Now, I didn't actually read this, I just flipped through it, and spotted only one dissection. On Old Lace's profile, it doesn't mention her death, which happened in Runaways V3 #11; about a month and a half ago. While I understand that the production for one these books takes time; Old Lace's death had been more or less announced, and a little coordination wouldn't have hurt.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MERCY SPARX A NEW BOOK."

TITLE: Mercy Sparx (DDP).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: James Lowder (editor).

DISSECTION: Fun little book; not dying to get the next mini, but I will enjoy it when it comes out. Problem is, at the end of this issue they announce issue 2 of the second mini as coming soon; when issue 1 hasn't come out yet.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"RŒD TORNADŒ"

TITLE: Red Tornado V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 6.

CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).

DISSECTION: Okay, this book is only slightly less exciting than the Magog book; but at least it's a mini. The Magog book can only be explained by Keith Giffen wanting to write him and DC letting him... What's the dissection here? Well, Penciller José Luís is credited with an accent in his last name on the cover (while other books have credited without it; the Brazilian spelling has an accent while the Spanish spelling doesn't, and I don't know if he's Brazilian or Hispanic). I can't really confirm a dissection there, and I'm inclined to believe he's Brazilian or even Portuguese...

However, look at what Sal Cipriano did inside of the book:


Man... that's not only wrong, it's not even POSSIBLE. You can't have a dot on the "i" AND an accent. If it wasn't for Simon Bowland's sheer volume of work...

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"STRANGE DISSECTION."

TITLE: Strange Tales V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Paul Pope (penciller, Inhumans story).

DISSECTION: This one is perfect for a DISSECT THIS!


It's a hard one; and there's a second, lesser dissection that I won't reveal because it's related to this one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WEDNESDAY HAS A LITTLE COUNTDOWN... "

TITLE: Wednesday Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 07 of 12.

CULPRIT: Sean Galloway (artist, Teen Titans story).

DISSECTION: Well... So far I had pardoned the errors in the Teen Titans costumes (robin's mask is not joined at the bridge of his nose, Wonder Girl is wearing a completely new design, and worse of all, Starfire is wearing something that looks more like the cartoon version of her costume), and now Beast Boy and Nightwing's costumes are also different to what they should be. I had let these dissections go because I assumed it was an out-of-continuity tale; like most in this book seem to be. But now they've referenced Countdown To Final Crisis events, so that gives me the clue that this IS in continuity, and therefore, the costume redesigns are just an artist doing what he wants.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each, except Starfire and Wonder Girl who get 8s. Also, Iris West's eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
A total of sixty-nine dissections with an average of 7.0 Bazzars; we hadn't had a 7 since column #122, exactly ten issues ago. Let me show you the cover of the week, by Skottie Young, for Iron Man And The Armor Wars #2:


I like it, it's compelling. Now, the Moments Of The Week... First up, if there's something you can say about Buffy, is that characters do evolve and grow:


Andrew, for example, went to idiotic annoyance, to bumbling evil sidekick, to bumbling good sidekick, to a ballsy character of his own. Also:


Those are Dawn and Xander. Yup. Xander. And Buffy's little sister. And that's Buffy watching. Pervs. Now, from the best gaming comic book out there, an Easter egg that took me more than a year to catch; because I hadn't gotten that issue yet:


Thank you Jolly! And to end this column, what happened to Germany when the Nazis pushed the allies too far?


Well, the Americans, the British, and the Free French Forces attacked... then the USSR took Berlin from behind! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #119.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"(...) My years with Mr. Tesla have taught me that there's one underlying scientific principle to ALL existence. (...) EVERYTHING explodes." Atomic Robo, as he cranks up the dial of a lightning gun to ten, Atomic Robo And The Shadow From Beyond Time #2.

Greetings, and welcome to the column covering the dissections in comics released on 06/03. Straight into the fray; last week's DT! was not solved, I'm very disappointed. Namor, in the panel I show, is wearing his trademark green speedos... with white lines on the side; when he's never had those before.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week is a tie between The Amazing Spider-Man #596 and Atomic Robo And The Shadow Beyond Time #2; I couldn't decide between the two so I just went with both. Worst Book Of The Week was Ultimatum #4; not that bad, but weak, and this whole event has been badly paced. Now, dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"ONE IS HIS SUMMER COSTUME."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 596.

CULPRIT: Paulo Siqueira (penciller).

DISSECTION: Wolverine (Daken) wears a costume with short sleeves; but on the first page, he's wearing a full sleeved costume; then in the rest of the issue, short sleeves.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DIE KINDER."

TITLE: The Boys (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 31.

CULPRIT: Simon Bowland (letterer).

DISSECTION: Ah, Simon... you don't learn, do you? The ü in "Führer" should be the same size as the rest of the letters.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE DISECTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 108.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I just noticed I wrote "powerles" in that column instead of "powerless".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"MASK OF UNCERTAINTY."

TITLE: Exiles V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Salva Espín (artist).

DISSECTION: Can someone explain to me how the Black Panther is wearing his mask after escaping his cell, when he didn't have it before?

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BLACK LANTERN, WHITE GLOVES."

TITLE: Final Crisis Aftermath: Run (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 06.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).

DISSECTION: And the fuck up continues... John Stewart's costume is wrong; with him wearing white gloves and the wrong chest emblem.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars for the gloves. Also, Firestorm is colored as if he's Ronnie Raymond, not Jason Rusch; and his costume is also Ronnie's. Seriously, are the people making this comic not aware of the fact that Jason is Firestorm these days?
<-------------------------------->
"MIGHTY DISBANDMENT."

TITLE: Mighty Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Dan Slott (writer).

DISSECTION: The "previously" text says that after Secret Invasion the New Avengers disbanded... they didn't they went underground.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PUNISH ME, WILL YA JOE?"

TITLE: Punisher: Naked Kill (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Come on Joe, I expect more of you! "Pokémon" has an accented "e", but it has to be the same size as the rest of the letters!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HEY, JUNIOR."

TITLE: Star Trek: Crew (IDW).

ISSUE: 04 of 05.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).

DISSECTION: There are several dissections, small ones; the one I chose to write up is the fact that Pike is mentioned as a "junior officer", when his rank is Lt. Commander. Junior officers are the ones holding a rank of lieutenant, or lower.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. One a good note; this book is enjoyable, and Byrne has Number One read Vulcan philosophy, foreshadowing her emotionless, computer-like behavior in The Cage.
<-------------------------------->
"WHITE LANTERN, BLACK GLOVES."

TITLE: Superman: World Of New Krypton (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 12.

CULPRIT: Brad Anderson (colorist) and Pete Woods (artist).

DISSECTION: Why is John Stewart Caucasian?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, can we remember that John Stewart's chest emblem is MOT the same as Hal's?
<-------------------------------->
"CO-LOM-BI-A! CO-LOM-BI-A! CO-LOM-BI-A!"

TITLE: Universal War One: Revelations (Marvel/Soleil).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Denis Bajram (writer), Paul Benjamin (writer, adaptation), uncredited translator.

DISSECTION: The South American country is called "Colombia", not "Columbia".

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, "Del Gado" is not a last name, "Delgado" is.
<-------------------------------->
This week's column had an average of 6.2 Bazzars in seventeen dissections... oh, and I didn't feel like having a DT!, couldn't find a dissection that fit that mold this time around. That out the way, we have a slew of Moments Of The Week. First up; The Punisher can kill you with a sock!


Badass! Next, more Punisher. How do you escape a tall building in lockdown before all its inhabitants are gassed?


Easy! You build a ladder out of dead bodies! Then, Atomic Robo and I think alike:


Yes, we're both nitpicking bastards! Next, behave around Ares...


Or he'll pimp slap ya! Still on the Dark Avengers:


Norman Osborn, Academy Award nominee? And last, watch out...


Don't wear too many piercings near turbo magnets... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #111.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I can't believe I need to explain why it's a bad idea, but then again I can't believe you thought sewing your head onto a monkey's ass was a good one." Star Lord, to Gorillaman, Guardians Of The Galaxy V2 #9.

Okay, I'm back with the column for dissections for the week of 01/21; and before going on with the column, I want to urge you to vote for the Autopsy Awards 2008; I know I've been absent, so that's why I'm giving you time to vote until the end of March... that, and there's a couple of categories that are tied; and I don't want to break the ties by Deus Ex Machina.

Last column's DT! was cracked by J. Corbin; and it was the fact that John Stewart doesn't wear gloves as part of his GL uniform. Another badge for you, Ensign Corbin! The Dissector's Picks Of The Week were as follows: Best Book Of The Week was Guardians Of The Galaxy #9; good cosmic hero fun.... without being a cosmic drag. These are people. In space. I like that. Worst Book Of The Week was almost a tie between Final Crisis #7 and Final Crisis: Superman Beyond #2; but Final Crisis #7 takes the "prize" just because it was an immensely crappy ending to a really badly written story... Dissections, away!
<-------------------------------->
"I AM ÜNTERVELMED."

TITLE: Birds Of Prey V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 126.

CULPRIT: Swands (letterer).

DISSECTION: The "Ü" in Ünternet is smaller than the rest of the letters in one balloon, then a second time in the same page, it's the same size.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CAPTAIN AMERICA: THEATER OF WAR... DROBE CHANGES."

TITLE: Captain America Theater Of War: America The Beautiful (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Gary Erskine (artist).

DISSECTION: Captain America's costume is full of mistakes, he has the wrong shield; etc. I almost let this go as an alternate universe tale; but Marvel itself calls Theater Of War "a series chronicling the adventures that made Captain America the hero we know today", and it's not under any kind of banner like "Ultimate", "Mythos" or "Max", so I'll consider it 616. Erskine himself says that the design of Cap's costume was "a deliberate choice", but if it's a 616 story, his costume shouldn't have been changed at all.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars for the costuming errors as a single one, but although I can't consider it a dissection (because it seems made as a wink), I wouldn't be so lenient with Baron Zemo being among a gathering of heroes in a soldier's funeral. I wouldn't even qualify it as an easter egg... he's in plain sight, sitting between Colossus and Spider-Man. What I will consider dissections are the facts that She-Hulk is only slightly taller than the Black Cat, and Thor is about the same size as Daredevil and everybody else... Also, I just noticed but... in one page the heroes have one seating arrangement, and then in the next, there's a close-up on Reed Richards and Sue Storm... and the heroes behind them aren't the same ones as before; in fact, Iron Man is seated next behind them, when in the previous page he was about three meters away!!!
<-------------------------------->
"TH DISSECTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 110.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: J. Corbin spotted that last column I wrote "Vixen's not wearing he totem", when I meant "her totem". He wanted to give it just 1 Bazzar, so I'll go with that. And he gets another badge, two more and he reaches Lieutenant.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"DEATHSTROKE: THE DISSECTOR."

TITLE: Faces Of Evil: Deathstroke (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Georges Jeanty (penciller).

DISSECTION: This one is very simple:


DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CRISIS FINAL!"

TITLE: Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 07 of 07.

CULPRIT: Grant Morrison (writer).

DISSECTION: Again, Imán's Spanish is incorrect, though not as bad as before. Of course, this pales against the atrocity that is the actual script itself...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, the Green Lanterns complain about a 24-hours charge limit to their rings; which is no longer there. From #6, my friend Kal had told that in that issue, Barry Allen's chest emblem is reversed; and I forgot. J. Corbin reminded me, so a badge for both. There you go J., one more and you make Lieutenant.
<-------------------------------->
"BEYOND CRAP."

TITLE: Final Crisis: Superman Beyond (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 02.

CULPRIT: Grant Morrison (writer).

DISSECTION: Superman says that if he Ultraman touch, their matter and antimatter particles will annihilate each other... which is not true. Now, some people say this is not the same (or one of the several) Ultraman that has traded blows with Superman before... but I say this is just Grant Morrison's sloppy writing.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THAT'S NOT BARRY!"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 29.

CULPRIT: Pete Pantazis (colorist).

DISSECTION: Barry Allen's eyes are colored green, instead of blue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AND THAT'S NOT BARRY, EITHER."

TITLE: The Lone Ranger & Tonto (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Brent Matthews & Neil Turitz (writers) and/or Romulo Fajardo Jr. (colorist).

DISSECTION: Mercury-poisoned people don't have green glowing eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SENIOR CITIZEN."

TITLE: Moon Knight V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Mike Benson (writer).

DISSECTION: Every time there's a comic set in Mexico or some other Spanish speaking place, I shudder. In this case, among other things, Benson has a Mexican character call Mark Spector "senior", instead of "señor".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Joe Caramagna, letterer and friend of this column, alternates correctly sized Ñs with smaller ones.
<-------------------------------->
"MYSTERIUS: THE UNACCENTABLE."

TITLE: Mysterius: The Unfathomable (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Saida Temofonte (letterer).

DISSECTION: Several accented vowels are smaller than the rest of the letters.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MERELY A FLESH WOUND."

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 17.

CULPRIT: Tim Seeley (artist).

DISSECTION: Oy vey, I just read that there will be yet ANOTHER Exiles book... the good thing is that it will be written by Jeff Parker (Agents Of Atlas, etc). In this issue, Psylocke thinks "Sustain your focus, Betsy, keep the wounds closed.", yet there's no wounds visible on her. And her telekinesis is not fine-tuned enough to keep wounds closed without making a mess of them...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CLEAN START."

TITLE: Punisher: Frank Castle MAX (Marvel).

ISSUE: 66.

CULPRIT: Michel Lacombe (artist).

DISSECTION: A bare-chested Frank shows absolutely no old scars at all. Yes, he could have used some sort of miracle cure (magic, supertech, etc) to remove his scars, but I doubt it. Even if his scars disappeared during the time he was an angel (ugh), he'd still have a lot of them from the insanely huge amount of bullet hits and knife wounds he gets per story. Also, the Punisher's birthday is the same day as mine!

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN VULCAN YEARS, IT'S LONGER."

TITLE: Star Trek: Countdown (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Mike Johnson & Tim Jones (script) and/or Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman (plot).

DISSECTION: The trailers for the new Star Trek movie keep looking better and better, and the first two issues of this prequel book to the film are pretty good. The story starts in the present (for Star Trek continuity), some eight years after the last movie (Nemesis, 2379), namely in 2387. The only glaring mistake with the story is that Spock says that he's lived in Romulus for the past forty years; when he only moved there in the TNG episode Unification; which takes place in 2367, only twenty years earlier.

That said, writers Johnson and Jones craft a good story over the plot provided by movie scripters Orci and Kurtzman. That, coupled with the trailers I've seen, makes me thing the movie's gonna rock.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, the colorists gave Spock blue eyes instead of brown ones.
<-------------------------------->
"I KNOW HE'S FULL OF SHIT, BUT..."

TITLE: Thunderbolts (Marvel).

ISSUE: 128.

CULPRIT: Frank Martin (colorist).

DISSECTION: Norman Osborn's eyes are colored brown, instead of blue, as they should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IS HE LIKE NORMAN?"

TITLE: Trinity (DC).

ISSUE: 40.

CULPRIT: Pete Pantazis (colorist).

DISSECTION: Hawkman's eyes should be blue, not brown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ELECTRICITY, SOUND, WHATEVER..."

TITLE: X-Men: Kingbreaker (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Chris Yost (writer).

DISSECTION: A symbiote (a la Venom's) is said to be vulnerable to electricity, when symbiotes are vulnerable to fire and vibrations.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, it could be a variant species. There's also a small dialogue error, with a word missing when Lilandra tells Gladiator that Vulcan's way is not Shi'ar.
<-------------------------------->
"BUENOS AYRES, AUSTRALIA."

TITLE: X-Men: Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 220.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer) and/or Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: Professor Xavier mentions "Ayres Rock" instead of Ayers Rock. Also, I'm not counting it as a dissection. but the site has been renamed with its aboriginal designation, Uluru, years ago... I doubt a man as educated as Xavier would miss that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Well, a 6.2 Bazzars average in thirty two dissections, the usual. And now, Moments Of The Week Galore! First up, Ares' pick up methods are not that effective...


But they're funny. Then, Dr. Doom is not as nice as Tony Stark:


Fun homage. And speaking of Tony, what's Norman doing with his stuff now?


Yeah, that. Norman Osborn for President! Then, Hank Pym changes codenames and costumes... again.


Uh... More Avengers, this is a cheap shot:


But damn, it works! Then, a nice Trek moment:


Captain Data! It only took him a little under 50 years in Starfleet to reach that rank. Next, Ant-Man's new hideout:


Tricia Helfer's bosom!! I mean, Yelena Belova's. Coming up? Tiny Titan's lunch time!


Priceless... And finally, you know how DC's Faces Of Evil event, the villains "take over" the book, and for example, Lex Luthor's name replaces Superman's title on the comic cover. Well, look who's Vigilante's "Face Of Evil":


Scary... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #108.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Ladies and gentlemen, God exists... and he's Latverian." News anchor, What If? Secret Wars.

Welcome to the column for comics issued on 01/02, and I'd remind you that you're still in time to vote in the Autopsy Awards, and if you speak Spanish, the latest episode of my internet radio show, Perdidos En El Eter, is out, with pieces on Secret Invasion. Final Crisis, Afro Samurai, and Cisplatino. Last column's DT! was spotted by Snakebyte, who correctly spotted that Revel used the word "hierological"; unless they're priests, the word Revel was looking for was "hierarchical". Congratulations Snake, this newest badge gets you the rank of Vice Admiral, again the first in the fleet to reach it (as founder, I automatically gave myself the rank of Grand Admiral, and I'll be the only one, and although Nysie has the rank of High Admiral, she's honorary and didn't go through the rest of the ranks).

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow. Best Book Of The Work was X-Men: Magneto Testament #4; it's a good portrayal of what concentration camp prisoners had to go through, even if it's a pretty "cheap shot". Worst Book Of The Week was Superman & Batman Vs. Vampires & Werewolves #6, awful last issue of an awful mini that shouldn't have existed. Off you go, the dissections are here:
<-------------------------------->
"BLE BEETL."

TITLE: Blue Beetle V8 (DC).

ISSUE: 34.

CULPRIT: Matthew Sturges (writer).

DISSECTION: The word "versus" is spelled "verus".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD!!!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 102.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: In the course of my going over the columns of the past year for Autopsy Awards nomination-worthy dissections, quotes, and moments, I found twenty-two dissections of my own work. And that was only while giving the columns a cursory scan; imagine what an in-depth re-reading would find! They're all typos or similar mistakes, and the funniest one was in #102, when I wrote "Kingdong Come" instead of "Kingdom Come".

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CAPACITY AT RING."

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer) and/or Rob Leigh (letterer).

DISSECTION: Hal Jordan's ring says "ring at capacity"... when it was before at more than 200% capacity, so it can't mean "ring at full capacity". It was probably meant to say "ring at maximum overload capacity" or something like that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DON'T MESS WITH ME, I GOT A POSSE!"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 28.

CULPRIT: Dwayne McDuffie (writer).

DISSECTION: John Stewart says he's one of four Green Lanterns in Sector 2814; when in truth, he's just one of two assigned to the sector, with Hal Jordan. Kyle Rayner and Guy Gardner are assigned to Oa, they're part of the Corps Honor Guard.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars, it could be a figure of speech, since both Kyle and Guy are from Earth and former members of the League, so they have interest in the situation. Also, penciller José Luis makes Vixen's totem appear and disappear, while letterer Travis Lanham spelled the penciller's name as Jose' instead of José.
<-------------------------------->
"IT GETS BIGGER. NOT!"

TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 49.

CULPRIT: Jim Shooter (writer).

DISSECTION: Colossal Boy's powers, for the Nth time... too bad (seriously) this book is being cancelled after next issue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, penciller Manapul has equipment labeled in English instead of Interlac, but I didn't count it as a dissection, because it could be just a matter of the Legionnaires being retro.
<-------------------------------->
"YES, I KNOW THIS IS SOMEWHAT OF A CLICH"

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual 01.

CULPRIT: Ed Dukeshire (letterer).

DISSECTION: The word "clichéd" has a smaller "e", as a result of the letterer's misunderstanding of how a tilde works.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SUPERNATURAL CREATURES? WHERE?"

TITLE: Superman & Batman Vs. Vampires & Werewolves (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 06

CULPRIT: Kevin VanHook (writer).

DISSECTION: A caption about Superman says something to the effect of "He's fought alien invaders, superpowered enemies of the state... but vampires and werewolves?"... yes, he's never fought any kind of supernatural enemies, of course not.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"RED LIGHTNING!"

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 683.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: Black Lightning uses his powers against a Kryptonian by surrounding him with lightning and then... CHANGING THE LIGHTNING'S COLOR TO RED, THEREFORE RENDERING THE KRYPTONIAN POWERLES??!?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?! Robinson, Kryptonians are powerless under RED SUNLIGHT, not RED ELECTRICITY!!! Black Lightning has ELECTRIC POWERS not SOLAR POWERS!!!

Robinson also has Starfire absorbing the yellow solar radiation from the Kryptonians to leave them powerless. This, while a stretch of her powers (she never had such control, her solar energy absorption is usually just passive), it's not absurd like what he does with Black Lightning's powers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. No less.
<-------------------------------->
"I CALCULATE THIS IS WRONG."

TITLE: Teen Titans V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 66

CULPRIT: Rod Reis (colorist).

DISSECTION: A bit subtle.


DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S SO REMOTE, IT'S OUT OF CONTROL."

TITLE: The War That Time Forgot (DC).

ISSUE: 08 of 12.

CULPRIT: Al Barrionuevo (penciller).

DISSECTION: Colonel Jape's remote control appears and disappears from his hand, and changes shapes from page to page.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"A HOLE DIFFERENT THING."

TITLE: X-Force V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Mike Choi (penciller).

DISSECTION: X-23's boots don't have the holes for her claws, as they should.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S WRITTEN IN CIPHER."

TITLE: Young X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Nick Lowe (editor) & Daniel Ketchum (assistant editor) and/or Dave Sharpe (letterer).

DISSECTION: In the cast of characters, Moonstar's picture has Cipher's name under it.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, a Spanish name is wrong again.
<-------------------------------->
So, predictably, we got an average of 3.6 Bazzars on thirty-three dissections; most of the dissections (twenty-three, my own), were just typos, so not even the two 10s could offset that. Let's get on with those Moments Of The Week, shall we? The first one is a shock (and I know it's the same image as the DT!):


Okay, maybe not much of it... but finding out that DCU Marvin and Wendy are the son and daughter of the Calculator is a bit of a shock. Next one is better, I promise:


How's that, eh? Pregnant with a Skrull baby! Next, another shocker, one that was completely unexpected to me, despite some people's predictions:


Mutant X is Typhoid Mary? Typhoid Mary?!? Typhoid Frakking Mary?!?!? Mutant X was, according to Dan Slott "a mutant chick who’s been cover-worthy many times. This is not some obscure-o mutant dusted off just for this arc. (...) People who don’t even follow comics regularly will know who it is." Really? Typhoid Mary? Who had never had the source of her powers revealed before? Who's been on a few Daredevil covers? Who isn't known at all by people who don't read comics? Come on.... I do love the next one... did you guess who Doctor Who's opponent in "The Forgotten" was?


Yes, the Meta-Crisis Tenth Doctor! Complete with a mandatory evil goatee! And last, be careful for what you wish...


... you hear me, Franklin Richards? Now, before we finish, remember to vote in the Autopsy Awards. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #106.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Yes. I am Tesla and you are all Edison. Which means I'll die penniless & alone in a hotel room while obsessively counting my pubes." Warren Ellis, Backmater, Doktor Sleepless #10.

Well, second to last week of December, books out on 12/17. Last column's DT! was cracked by DrSilent, who correctly said that Green Arrow's original costume has red boots and gloves, unlike that flashback illustration I showed you. Before we get on with the rest of the column, let me tell you what The Dissector's Picks Of The Week were. Best Book Of The Week goes to Mighty Avengers #20; it was just a touching tribute to the Wasp, not one of my favorite characters, but a founding Avenger after all. Worst Book Of The Week was What If? Newer Fantastic Four, not because it was really bad, but because it was unnecessary... oh yeah, the art did suck.
<-------------------------------->
"GOOD GOING, HELENA."

TITLE: DC Universe Holiday Special (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer, Huntress story).

DISSECTION: Speech balloons get switched around, making the Huntress ask if a community service program run by herself is "Some sort of retarded helping program or something..."

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OVERPOWERED, MUCH?"

TITLE: DC Universe Holiday Special (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Adam Schlagman (writer, Dr. Light story).

DISSECTION: You know, I'm all for suspension of disbelief and pseudoscience and all that, but... What the jiminy blazes is up with Shimmer transmuting Dr. Light's shield (made of, well, light...) into a mirror? Shimmer transmutes matter... MATTER. Not energy.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE DISEECTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 105.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I hope this is my last self-dissection of the year... in fact, this shouldn't even count for 2008, because I posted #105 in 2009. Yeah, that's it. This is going into the 2009 Autopsy Awards files... What is it, you ask? Alex Maleev's HORRIBLE Namor had me seeing red, so I called the artist "Maalev". and Snakebyte (look kids, he's back! Good to have you back on board, Commodore-who-is-just-one-badge-away-from-being-a-Vice-Admiral!) noticed it.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NEW DISSECTIONS EXILED."

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Mark Paniccia (editor) and/or Jordan D. White & Michael Horwitz (assistant editors).

DISSECTION: Never mind the fact that, somehow, Mystiq and Cat merge together... Morph is again the topic of this dissection. Apparently, they're cancelling this book in a couple of issues... as long as they don't relaunch it as All-New Exiles, that'd be too much...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TREKSSECTION."

TITLE: Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Last Generation (IDW).

ISSUE: 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Andrew Steven Harris (writer).

DISSECTION: I was going to make a joke about how many colons these Star Trek titles have; but then I remembered that I neglected to comment on Majel Barret-Roddenberry's passing on my column. It's not comics, but it's part of our culture, and she was a driving force behind her late husband (Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry), as well as part of the franchise since the very beginning (she was the female first officer in the first Trek pilot; who had to be replaced because of network idiots thinking it was too avant garde), a character in the first show of the saga (Nurse Chapel); a great comic relief in TNG and DS9 (Lwaxanna Troi), and an ever-present voice in all Trek shows and movies (except for ENT), as the voice of the Starfleet computers. Godspeed, First Lady of Trek. Read more about her demise here.

Does it even matter what the dissection was, now? Well, I'll say it for the records: holographic life support. Right...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Data's eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"IS THAT SWAMPLAND CAMO OR DID YOU JUST GO POTTY IN YOUR PANTS?"

TITLE: Supergirl V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: Sterling Gates (writer) and/or Jared K. Fletcher (letterer).

DISSECTION: Alura In-Ze (Supergirl's mother, in case you failed "Who's Who In Kryptonian Society") calls General Zod's men "soilders"... are those like soldiers who soil their pants?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I DON'T WANT TO CATCH ANY TANGENT GERMS."

TITLE: Tangent: Superman's Reign (DC).

ISSUE: 10 of 12.

CULPRIT: Kanila Tripp (colorist).

DISSECTION: When are artists and colorists going to learn that John Stewart doesn't wear gloves as part of his costume?!?!?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Artist Carlo Magno also gets Guy Gardner's hair and costume wrong.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S GEO-FORCE... YAY!"

TITLE: Terra (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Steve Wands (letterer, as Swands).

DISSECTION: Geo-Force's speech bubble points directly to a villain Richard Faulkner.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, Geo-Force's eyes are colored incorrectly. But who cares, it's Geo-Force.
<-------------------------------->
"UNCANNY DISSECTION."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 505.

CULPRIT: Justin Ponsor (colorist).

DISSECTION: Look at this cover, and tell me what's wrong, color-wise:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I’M THE JAGANNĀTHA, BITCH!"

TITLE: X-Men: Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 219.

CULPRIT: Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: Professor X refers to the Jagannātha, where the word juggernaut comes from, but the accented "A" is smaller than the rest of the letters.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CONCHITA VENEZUELA MARIANA OXIGENADA FERNANDEZ RODRIGUEZ ESTEVEZ DE LOS PALOTES Y SANTA CECILIA... A SU SERVICIO!"

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: I'm willing to overlook weird names that don't really fit Spanish characters, like "Immaculata", or "Pasquale"; but the last name "de la Pulido" is just plain wrong. And there's tons of other Spanish language mistakes in this issue, as usual... nineteen more in fact.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Please Matt Wagner, STOP raping the Spanish language!!! It's painful!!!
<-------------------------------->
Column comes to a closing with a 6.6 Bazzars average on thirty-four dissections (thanks to Zorro up there). Before you leave, check out the Moments Of The Week, for there were plenty: First up, Crusader's story was heroic and touching... but that didn't make a difference to 3-D Man, did it?


... but not everything is lost when you wear a ring made out of a Cosmic Cube sliver:


This can be trouble, don't you think? Next up, Superman, pimpmastah!


What's Supes about to do with two underage (or at least, very young) heroines while the rest of the heroes party? Two heroines... AND A MONKEY!!! Next up, Tony pulls a fast one on Norman:


Priceless... And last, and completely least; if that's Katana, what the hell is she doing with that meat cleaver?!?!


She was recently on the TV show, but looked more like herself... who's this supposed to be, then? Beats me... we'll find out in a few weeks, I guess. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #104.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"You saying I got a little white in me? Yeah, I got a little white in me! My teeth, my eyes, and my fuckin' cum!!!" Sgt. Jamal Stuart, Haunted Tank #1.

December's first week, 12/03 is here; and for starters, let me tell you that the Guvnor cracked the DT!, thus earning another badge. The problem with that Odin picture was that Odin clearly has both eyes; and he had not regained his lost eye it yet in Marvel continuity.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are next; Best Book Of The Week was Amazing Spider-Man #579. Mark Waid provides a good Spider-Man tale, and reminds us again that Peter Parker is practically a genius... Spidey can THINK. Worst Book Of The Week was Wolverine Annual #2; standard "Wolverine travels alone, finds monster, defeats, tries to teach moral". Yawn. Dissections, please!
<-------------------------------->
"EL DIAVLO!"

TITLE: El Diablo V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Jai Nitz (writer).

DISSECTION: While letterer Sal Cipriano correctly makes the Ñ the same size as the rest of the letters; Jai Nitz uses the word "quinceñera" instead of "quinceañera" (literally "fifteen year old girl"; as in "sweet fifteen"; since Hispanics celebrate that for girls instead of "sweet sixteen").

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GUARDIANES DE LA GALAXIA! CON: MARTINEZ, PEREZ, ALVAREZ Y BORGES!"

TITLE: Guardianes De La Galaxia (Forum/Marvel, translating Guardians Of The Galaxy V1).

ISSUE: 09 and 12 (same numbering as in US edition).

CULPRIT: Xavi Marturet (translator).

DISSECTION: With not enough dissections in this week to fill the requisite minimum of ten per column; I once more went to my Vault. I found some little gems I had stowed away, to show how it's not just English speaking writers who mess up other languages. One day, I'll write an article on the atrocities that are committed when translating comics to Spanish.

In this case, there are three cherries from the 1994 Guardians Spanish edition of 1991 US book that I wanted to share with my readers. First up, and just a typo, but one with funny results; Martinex is called "Martinez"; which ends up being a Spanish surname. Actually, I don't think it's a typo; I think the translator spellchecked his document and the spell check dictionary, in Spanish, replaced Martinex with Martinez. I remember when my spell checker, when writing articles in Spanish, would replace "Marvel" with "Marcel"...

Next, and completely out of the blue, Martinex is called "Frank"... WHAT??!?!?! And lastly, and even more funnily, in the middle of an issue, someone refers to the "Belt asteroid" ("asteroide Belt" in Spanish); making it obvious that the translator didn't know what an asteroid belt was. The funniest thing is, that when I went to Google what was Xavi Marturet up to know (his actual name is Javier Marturet); he had blogged about a Final Fantasy fan music video with an Evanescence song. He translated the lyrics to the song himself, and posted them along with the video, because (according to himself) "you don't wanna know the stinkers that pass for translations on the internet, they're horrible". The lyrics translation looks okay, but I hope he's learned what an asteroid belt was in these past 15 years.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, for "asteroide Belt", lesser scores for the other two. I usually give wrong uses of the Spanish language (or other languages) in English comics 6 or 7; in this case I gave it a higher rating because those are uses of foreign languages to give certain scenes or characters a "flavor"; while what Marturet was doing was translating comics in their entirety to another language, for people to read and understand them, and he didn't even know what an "asteroid belt" was (heck, he couldn't even translate the word "belt" literally)...
<-------------------------------->
"MOVIE STAR."

TITLE: Iron Man/Hulk/Nick Fury (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Chris Sotomayor (colorist).

DISSECTION: See if you can spot this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SIGH..."

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Mark Paniccia (editor) and/or Jordan D. White & Michael Horwitz (assistant editors).

DISSECTION: Morph; but this might end soon (no, not the book, unfortunately).

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HOW DO YOU LIKE IT, MARJARIE?!?! HUH??!?!!"

TITLE: NYX: No Way Home (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Marjorie Liu (writer).

DISSECTION: It's CECILIA Reyes, not "CECELIA"!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ORIGINAL -1."

TITLE: Secret Invasion (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08 of 08.

CULPRIT: Tom Brevoort (editor) and/or Jeanine Schaefer (assistant editor).

DISSECTION: The recap at the beginning says "the original avengers are united"... which is not true. Good ending for the event, though.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars; you could argue that with Captain America, even if it's not Steve Rogers, the original Avengers are there. Also, Norman Osborn is shown wearing a suit; when he was wearing some battle armor of sorts last time.
<-------------------------------->
"NOT GREEN ENOUGH."

TITLE: She-Hulk: Cosmic Collision (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Val Staples (colorist).

DISSECTION: Jennifer Walters' eyes are colored brown, when they should be green.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AFRICAN IMAGINATION."

TITLE: Vixen: Return Of The Lion (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: G. Willow Wilson (writer).

DISSECTION: Again; Vixen is said to be from the fictional nation of Zambesi. The country is M'Changa, Zambesi is the village.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
WOLVERIÑE.""

TITLE: Wolverine V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual #2.

CULPRIT: Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: Petit, unlike Cipriano, does not make his Ñs the same size as the other letters.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PINYIN'IN IT UP."

TITLE: Wolverine: Manifest Destiny (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: Again Petit makes accented letters smaller than the rest, this time from Pinyin transliterated Mandarin Chinese.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
So, that brings us to the end of another column; with a 6.7 Bazzars average on sixteen dissections. Let me get you the Moments Of The Week, and you can be on your way. First up, is DC cutting back on salaries and people have to multitask?


Looks that way. Then, this is a priceless moment from the first issue of Haunted Tank:


I saw it coming from a mile away, but it was still funny. This book was a runner-up for Book Of The Week. Last, one step closer:


OZ FOR PREZ!!! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #100.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"And Chas, no pressure or nothing, but if I and when I ever get back to London, I'm fully expecting to find the same shit-hole that was there when I left-- and not a pile of smoldering ruins, okay?" John Constantine, Hellblazer Presents: Chas-The Knowledge #5.

Shoot, I forgot to mention back in column #97, published on November 11; that that date was The Dissector's third anniversary! 11/11/05 marked the first appearance of The Nitpicker in the now defunct CBEM (which you can still read in archives)... well, happy birthday to me! Well, this is column #100 and I have... nothing special prepared. So, there.

All that said, the DT! from last column was spotted by Snakebyte; the word "fuselage" refers to a part of an airplane, the writer meant "fusillade". Now, what are The Dissector's Picks Of The Week? Best Book Of The Week was Justice Society Of America #20; I can't even remember why, it was probably just fun. The Worst Book Of The Week was Star Wars-The Clone Wars-Shipyards Of Doom... just plain boring and awful. Dissections ensue:
<-------------------------------->
"I KIND OF FORGET STUFF..."

TITLE: Adventure Comics Special-The Guardian (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: Jimmy Olsen speaks of the clone Newsboy Legion as if he hasn't seen them in ages, when they helped him during Countdown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES?"

TITLE: Avengers-The Initiative Special (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Tom Brevoort (editor) and/or Jeanine Schaefer (associate editor).

DISSECTION: Christos N. Gage is credited as "writers". Who would have thought he used ghost writers?

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CHECK IT, MATE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 99.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I wrongly labeled Checkmate #31 as #1 in the Picks. Thanks Snakebyte for calling me on this; two more badges and you make High Admiral. Just in case, and because some have asked for it, here are the roster and ranks of the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps:

Ranks:

High Admiral 53-infinite
Admiral 47-52
Rear Admiral 41-46
Vice Admiral 36-40
Commodore 31-35
Captain 26-30
Commander 21-25
Lieutenant Commander 16-20
Lieutenant 6-15
Ensign 1-5

Current Roster:

Grand Admiral MaGnUs
High Admiral Nysie (Honorary)
Commodore Snakebyte 34
Cmdr. Dominik B. 23
Lt. Cmdr. Miss Kitty Fantastico 16
Lieutenant Guvnor 13
Lieutenant Sully 9
Lieutenant Snarf5181 6
Lieutenant DrSilent 7
Ensign Roy 5
Ensign Bea 3
Ensign Bored 3
Ensign Lucas Siegel 3
Ensign Tylo 2
Ensign Shadz 2
Ensign Mato 2
Ensign Matt Brady 1
Ensign Paul O'Brien 1
Ensign Trasgo 1
Ensign Mean Jeff 1
Ensign Ilustr8r 1
Ensign leahcim 1
Ensign TokerTheKid 1
Ensign Teukro 1
Ensign Wolfie 1
Ensign Jordan 1

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FOGOSA."

TITLE: Final Crisis: Resist (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Greg Rucka (writer).

DISSECTION: Rucka finally gets Fire's last name correct, da Costa; but gives her first name as "Beatrice", when it's Beatriz.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. There's also a couple more typos or wrong words.
<-------------------------------->
"GEOFFJOHNS."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer) and/or Rob Leigh (letterer)

DISSECTION: Power Girl is named incorrectly as "Powergirl".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MY BULLETS ARE MADE OF LEAD AND TEFLON, THAT'S WHY THEY CAN'T KILL YOU."

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Among other things; Psylocke says that her psi-sword is made of "TK energy", and "that it cannot cut" someone. Err... no, the sword is made of psionic energy, that's why it affects minds; it would be able to cut people if it was made of telekinetic energy.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
No DT! this time, I didn't feel like it, there was no dissection that could work. We had 5.3 Bazzars average in twelve dissections; pretty normal. Now, the Moments Of The Week. First up, the return of one of my favorite legionnaires:


That's Tellus, in case anyone's wondering, telepath and telekinetic. Next up, Kraven shows a glam killer's best weapon:


Nipple lazors! And look at those pants... To finish, Rockslide again shows his sensitive nature:


He tries, at least. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #98.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"... Cat's fast asleep and one moment, as dry as the proverbial bone... but the next presto... the girl's soaking wet." Psylocke, New Exiles #13.

It's gonna be long until I catch up, since lately I haven't even been able to read my comic books. In any case, here we are with the column for books released on 10/22. The Dissector's Picks Of The Week will be our first stop; and the Best Book Of The Week was Secret Invasion 7; a good battle royale that furthers the plot. Worst Book Of The Week was Hulk #7; which is frankly boring.

Nobody spotted the DT!; which was the fact that Flash's boots were colored red, instead of yellow. Now, the dissections:
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"BART ADAMA SAYS: EAT MY SHORTS!"

TITLE: Battlestar Galactica (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Unknown.

DISSECTION: From my vault comes the September 2006 issue of Battlestar Galactica; which has a preview for the following issue... billed as "Barttlestar Galactica".

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars; it's not the first time they got the title of their own book wrong...
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"BATTLESTAR DISSECTICA!"

TITLE: Battlestar Galactica: Origins (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Seamus Kevin Fahey & Clay Carmouche (writers).

DISSECTION: Well, here's a nice Dissect This! for y'all Galactica fans. Just so you know, this happens before the show:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"IZZATWAP!"

TITLE: Blue Beetle V8 (DC).

ISSUE: 32.

CULPRIT: Matthew Sturges (writer).

DISSECTION: Traci Thirteen quotes Star Wars' Admiral Ackbar; but the balloon says "Akbar".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"WEEKS OF THE MOMENT."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 97.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Well, I fucked up with last column. Three, count 'em, three dissections; first I mixed up two pictures in the Moments Of The Week; DrSilent noticed it and he gets another badge. Then I noticed I switched around the culprit an issue number in an entry; and Snakebyte let me know that I had credited Gregg Hurwitz as "Greg" (which I also did in #93). Badge for him; he's only 4 badges away from making Vice Admiral (admiral of the vice?). There's another dissection I found in my column #90; but telling you would spoil a dissection for a future column (#100).

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars for the picture mess-up.
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"MIGHTY MORPHIN'..."

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Jordan D. White (assistant editor), Michael Horwitz (assistant editor), and Mark Paniccia (editor).

DISSECTION: Morph.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"PSYCHOTIC POWERS."

TITLE: X-Factor V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: Peter David (writer).

DISSECTION: Longshot is said to have "telemetric powers"; the correct word is "psychometric"; from "psychometry"; aka "token object reading".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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This column ends up with a 5.3 Bazzars average in 10 dissections; quite low. Moments Of The Week, so we can finish this thing. First up, Pa Kent bought it!


Damn, and a friend spoiled it for me before I could read it... Then; Clint Barton cuts the crap and goes all Hawkeye on the Skrulls!


Aw yeah! And last; I tell you, Norman Osborn is the next Marvel 616 President of the USA:


Let's wait and see. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!