Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Dissector #135.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)


"Been a while... but toppling banana republics is like riding a bike. Once you learn how, you never forget." Crossbones, House Of M: Masters Of Evil #3.

Welcome to the column for comics released on 10/07! Nobody cracked the DT!; although JohnnyDoe came close. He mentioned that "Victor Sage" wasn't The Question's real name, but a pseudonym, which he used in his TV reporter career. That was almost right... the problem is that the grave says "Victor Sage", and Charles Victor Szasz never used the name "Victor"... he was always just "Vic".

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week were the following: Best Book Of The Week was The Boys #35; we get Mother's Milk origin, which is a nice thing. Worst Book Of The Week was almost Captain America: Theater Of War - Ghosts Of My Country, with its purely patriotic story which tells us nothing about the character; but the writing wasn't actually bad, and the art was passable. How does Paul Jenkins, a Brit, manage not to puke while writing this drivel? I guess it's the same way I talk nice to customers: it pays the bills. No, Worst Book Of The Week was Magog #2... the writing is awful; and the art is downright disgusting... Someone hide Howard Porter's pencils, please:

Eww, right? Before the full dissections, here comes The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Ben Reilly's eyes are colored blue; then brown, as they should be), Angel ("Los Angles", and hair color mistakes), Black Panther V5 (Reed Richards is given blue eyes; again Wakandans writing in English), Doom Patrol V5 (both Mento and Elasti-Girl have wrong eye colors), Final Crisis Aftermath: Run (John Stewart's boots, emblems and eyes are wrong), The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (several language dissections, but nothing as bad nor as many as before, Dixon's getting better at it), Greek Street (one typo), Justice League: Cry For Justice (Hal Jordan's badge is incorrect all the time, Vixen's not wearing her totem, Zatanna and Red Arrow have wrong costumes; while Firestorm looks like Ronnie Raymond), R.E.B.E.L.S. (L.E.G.I.O.N. satellites with writing in English), Star Wars Halloween Special (Chewbacca gets brown eyes instead of his baby blues).

TITLE: Batman: The Unseen (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Doug Moench (writer).

DISSECTION: There is no such thing as a "vaso-musculature system".


TITLE: Batman: The Unseen (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Kelley Jones (artist).

DISSECTION: Yes, I know Batman's cape, and his whole costume is used for dramatic effect, altered slightly by the artist, but this is ridiculous:

Look at those glove spikes, thirty centimeters long! Half-meter long bat ears! A circus tent cape! Please!!!


TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 134.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Donald313 noticed I wrote "dozens several occurrences", when it should have been "several occurrences" only.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Badge for Don, two more and you make Lieutenant.

TITLE: Doctor Voodoo: Avenger Of The Supernatural (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Jefte Palo (artist).

DISSECTION: Use your divination powers on this one:

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There's also a few lettering errors; and the writer has Doctor Voodoo run a clinic and treat patients as if he was a medical doctor... when he's a psychologist.

TITLE: Doctor Voodoo: Avenger Of The Supernatural (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Unknown profile writer and Lauren Sankovitch (editor).

DISSECTION: The profile for Doctor Voodoo is sorely out of date; it's for "Brother Voodoo", it narrates some of his recent adventures without noting that some of those adventures were not had by him but by a Skrull impersonating him; and it neglects to include his recent ascendance to Sorcerer Supreme. Pitiful.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each,

TITLE: Magog (DC).


CULPRIT: Hi-Fi Designs (colorist).

DISSECTION: Ted Grant's eyes are colored incorrectly.


TITLE: X-Men Vs. Agents Of Atlas (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 02.

CULPRIT: Jeff Parker (writer).

DISSECTION: Rockslide does not "assimilate rock as an exoskeleton"; he is a psionic entity that creates a body out of rock for himself. There is a big difference.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Pixie does not "seem magical, but pure mutant youth"; she is part magical now.
So, that gives us a 6.8 Bazzars average in fifty-one dissections, pretty high. Now, Cover Of The Week was the following:

From Absolution #2; from Warren Ellis Press... I mean, Avatar Press... Simple fan service, but I liked the cover. Now, the Moments Of The Week; just two. First, Spidey tells us what the intarwebz are for:

Eww... Osporn... Then, the most horrible Wolverine jumping pose ever:

What is he doing, rocking on his abs? That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...



JohnnyDoe said...

You said that Donald313 came close with the last column's DT! but I thought it was me :-/

I even mentioned that he went under the shorter name Vic but.... whatever.

MaGnUs said...

Cause I made a mistake? It was you; yes... but you didn't say his alias was Vic Sage, you said it was Victor Sage and that he shortened. You were close, but you didn't nail it.

JohnnyDoe said...

Ah. got it.

MaGnUs said...

In fact, I'm editing it right now... you get a Badge for the mistake, still. :)