The Dissector

The Dissector #134.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I REALLY need to restructure my life so I can spend more time reading abstracts and less time punching dinosaurs." Atomic Robo, Atomic Robo And The Shadow From Beyond Time #5 (09/16).

"(...) you read a lot. You'd be the only other one in a town that values the weight of a pig more than the works of Nikola Tesla." Young Lex Luthor about Smallville, Superman: Secret Origin #1 (09/23).

"My girth brings fear to my enemies." Volstagg The Voluminous, Thor #603 (09/30).

Sorry it's taking me so long to catch up... I started a new position at work; completely new stuff; plus I changed to a day shift after more than three years working nights. It's taking me some time to adjust, that's all. This column, as you might have surmised from the three quotes above, is for comics published in the last three weeks of September. I still have the first week of October, and the second one will pile up with that one too; but I think I'll write two separate columns. The Rundown is gargantuan; so I've posted it a couple of days ago. You can check it out if you feel like it.

You had a long time to solve the last DT!, but it seems there's not enough trekkies among my readers. I'll elaborate later in the column, but the problem is that there was no Klingon Emperor in the time period the comic book "Romulans: Schism" takes place in. This column's DT! is not Star Trek themed, promise.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week(s), I'll try to make it as short as possible. Best Book Of 09/16 was Atomic Robo And The Shadow From Beyond Time #5; not the best issue in the mini, but better than the rest of the stuff that week. Worst Book of that week was Final Crisis Aftermath: Escape #5, awful like the rest of the series. Best Bok of 09/23 was Ghostbusters: Displaced Aggression, a good idea to have the 'Busters time travelling; and a steampunk wild west issue with Venkman was a great start. Worst Book of that week was Dark X-Men: The Confession; completely unnecessary, it was forced and it was hard to believe that Cyclops and Emma Frost really didn't know what the other was up to; or that they would really kick up a shit storm when they found out. I actually expected a confession that shocked readers; not stuff we already knew and the characters themselves didn't care much about.

Best Book for 09/30 The Last Days Of Animal Man #5; I wish Gerry Conway was given an ongoing book with Buddy, or at least a second feature... yes; please, a second feature of Animal Man in some other book!!! Worst Book of that week was Hulk #15; it's not really THAT horrible a book, it's just bland, and I don't like Ian Churchill too much.

Before moving on to the dissections; I'd like to announce the official opening of a comic book... publisher? Self-publishing group, is more like it; which will start as a digital endeavour; but might evolve into print in the future. I'm one of the founders; and I'm still working on stuff to publish, it'll eventually feature my work. It'll be mostly in Spanish; but my comics I'll try to publish both in that language and in English; so please stop by G.A.S. Digital (Grupo de Arte Secuencial, Sequential Art Group) to check it out. There; dissections time!
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"BLACKEST DISSECTION."

TITLE: Blackest Night (DC)

ISSUE: 03 of 08.

CULPRIT: Ivan Reis (penciller) and/or Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Right away, spot me this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There's also dozens several occurrences of Hal Jordan's badge being incorrect.
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"DAYLIGHT SAVINGS."

TITLE: Blackest Night: Superman (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 08.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: A customer thanks the barber for staying open especially for him; a teenager is called to diner; but the very first caption says "This Morning".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. This one was reported by Dominik, badge for him. There's also a minor art dissection.
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"COLOR BLIND DEAD."

TITLE: Blackest Night: Titans (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi Design (colorist).

DISSECTION: Piggylicious wrote on the TCN forums: "On page 15, Bart, Donna, and Cassie are seen in Ring-O-vision and Donna is violet. The text clearly states that she is showing "Will", which should be Green, because Green is the color of Willpower. If you want proof just read any Green Lantern title EVER, or hell, even any other Blackest Night Title."

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Badge for you, Piggy, welcome to the HDSC. There's also a problem with some eyes colored incorrectly.
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"MAC GARGMOM."

TITLE: Dark Reign - The List: The Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: Venom is spelled "Venmom" at one point. Snakebyte spotted this one, welcome back, Vice Admiral.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"THE DISSECTTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 133.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I wrote "Scarlett" instead of "Scarlet". Yes Snake, we get it, you're back.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"AIN'T NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT."

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 46.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Dominik noticed that two conflicting stories as to how Black Lanterns can be killed. From his review: "After Indigo-1 has done it effortlessly in the last issue of Blackest Night, here’s the recipe to destroy a Black Lantern, finally spelled out. And I shall quote Hal Jordan here: “Sanitize the Black Ring with light, green or whatever other colour you’ve got. It leaves the ring brittle – you can shatter them – and it’ll cause a feedback that destroys the Black Lantern.” Basically, the recipe is to wash the black ring.

This – of course – doesn’t quite add up to the explanation given in Blackest Night #3 which goes as follows: “Green Light, reinforced with another such as ours will neutralize the Black Rings and leave them susceptible to conventional damage. Once destroyed, the ring initiates a feedback, which renders the Black Lantern inert. The more shades of the emotional spectrum shining together, the stronger the light.” Basically, Green plus X makes them vulnerable and then you can punch the death out of them."

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Another badge for you, Dom.
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"RANT COMING ONLINE... NOW!"

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 46.

CULPRIT: Andy Kubert (variant cover penciller).

DISSECTION: *sigh* HAL JORDAN'S BADGE IS THE ONE IN THE FREAKING LOGO OF THE COMIC!!! COME ON!!! HOW HARD CAN IT BE?!!!?!?!?! I'VE SAID IT SEVERAL TIMES ALREADY, AFTER SUPERMAN AND BATMAN, HAL'S EMBLEM IS THE MOST ICONIC OF ALL SUPERHEROES!!!!! In fact, icon-wise; graphic wise, it might just be the most iconic one... Variant cover artist Andy Kubert gets it wrong; but at least main cover and interior artist Doug Mahnke gets it right; which is a good thing, since he had been getting it wrong in previous issues and on Blackest Night: Tales Of The Corps. Let's see if he gets it right next issue... and if other artists can get it right.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Mongul's blood is colored incorrectly.
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"RING YOUR RING."

TITLE: Justice League Of America 80 Page Giant (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: JT Krul (writer, main story).

DISSECTION: Hal Jordan's ring is taken from him, and oh no, he can't use it. Except it's been shown time and again that Lanterns can control their rings even if they're not wearing them; as long as they're nearby.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. There's a few other art and writing dissections too.
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"SMELLS WRONG."

TITLE: Justice League Of America 80 Page Giant (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: JT Krul (writer, main story).

DISSECTION: I don't care if Cheetah's powers come from a goddess of fertility, or how heightened her sense of smell is; she can't tell that a newborn baby is not unrelated to another person just by scent.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"HISTORY FAIL."

TITLE: Marvel Divas (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Tonci Zonjic (penciller).

DISSECTION: Firestar is shown in the Massachusetts Academy; with Emma Frost as a teacher. Not only is she shown wearing normal clothes (instead of her usual lingerie), but she and a student have X-symbols in their clothes. Right. Tonci, you do know Emma frost was a villain and not a part of the X-Men family until a LONG, LONG time after Firestar left her Academy, don't you? I'll even overlook the fact that as far as I remember Emma Frost never actually taught the Hellions anything, and that the student with the X on the back of his shirt was never seen among them, but you might want to research before you draw.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Of course, there's also an accented letter smaller than it should be.
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"HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NURSE!"

TITLE: New Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 57.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer), Stuart Immonen (penciller), and Dave McCaig (colorist).

DISSECTION: The Night Nurse makes an appearance... but it's the wrong one. The one who treats superheroes and dated Doctor Strange is Linda Carter, and this (from the character design and the fact that she works at a hospital) is Christine Palmer. Several Avengers from this team have been treated by Carter, she's well known by them; while Palmer has only dealt with Storm and Nightcrawler.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Daken's eyes are colored incorrectly.
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"BEWARE MY PRESCIENT SUPER STRENGHT!"

TITLE: Punisher V8 (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual 01.

CULPRIT: Rick Remender (writer).

DISSECTION: One of the villains induces "clairvoyant rage" in other people. "Clairvoyant"? Rick, do you even know what the word means?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There's also Frank's eyes colored blue instead of brown (Dominik spotted these), Letha's called "Leetha"; her hair braid is like a flat, bi-dimensional thing (Dom too), Spider-Man's chest emblem is wrong, and Lascivious' wounds disappear magically, as well as the dirt and blood around them (Dom as well).
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"PLAKH!"

TITLE: Star Trek: Romulans: Schism (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).

DISSECTION: Like I said, before, Klingons didn't have an Emperor for a long, long time. Here's the crowning moment of this screw-up. While his Star Trek books are the best stuff Byrne's written in a long time (I love his work, but lately, he's been... out of touch with what comic book readers want); he's made a grave mistake. There's a Klingon emperor (and a Princess) during the late 2260s; when the story takes place. There was no Emperor in the Klingon Empire from the mid-21st Century to 2369 (and then only in a ceremonial position, the clone of Kahless).

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. It's one thing to make that mistake in an ad, but in the comic itself? Byrne could have perfectly used the patriarch of an influential Klingon house in that role; instead of making up stuff that's utterly wrong.
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"PUJ'O!"

TITLE: Star Trek: Romulans: Schism (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (artist).

DISSECTION: The Klingon princess (ugh) has completely human feet. Klingons have ridged feet.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Klingon blood is colored pink... Byrne and Lovern Kindzierski need to catch up on their Trek.
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"IT'S SORT OF... KIND OF... FAMILIAR, I THINK..."

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 64.

CULPRIT: Joe Casey (writer).

DISSECTION: Gee Supes, good thing the markings on the Kryptonian battlesuits that are ALMOST EXACTLY like the one you own are familiar!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, it's either non-recombinant drive or neo-recombinant drive. Make up your mind, Joe.
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"WALLY SHARES THE SPEED FORCE."

TITLE: Titans V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 17.

CULPRIT: Ángel Unzueta (penciller).

DISSECTION: God, I didn't notice this when I read it, but look at blog entry by Bleyer (in Spanish). First Beast Boy has Wally on his left, and Roy on his right. Then Wally is on his right... and then Roy is on his left!

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"WOULD YOU LIKE BODIES FLOATING IN YOUR DRINK?"

TITLE: Wolverine: Weapon X (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Ron Garney (penciller).

DISSECTION: I don't read this book, but Dominik says "Dead bodies don't sink in shallow water when wearing light clothes. Wearing heavy clothes, such as body armour, they don't get carried away by the water if they don't swim due to their kit. They get buried in sand."

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"WHEN IT'S NOT HIS FEET..."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Steve Scott (penciller) and Lee Loughridge (colorist).

DISSECTION: Beast does not have yellow eyes without pupils or irises!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. There's also an accented letter that's too small, Rogue's eyes are colored blue instead of green, and "Zigfried" Trask is a woman with a male name.
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This was indeed a macro-column; with an average of 6.6 Bazzars in a whopping one hundred and forty-five dissections! Of course, it was three weeks, and three weeks with a lot of content. Let me show you the Covers Of The Week(s):

Cover Of The Week of 09/16 goes for this simple, yet beautiful cover from The Mighty Avengers #29, by Khoi Pham, Allen Martinez and John Rauch:


Week of 09/23 had this nice, if not very original or breathtaking cover from Detective Comics 857, by J.H. Williams III:



And lastly, week of 09/30 had a very sexy, very spunky cover from The Amazing Spider-Man #607, which is purrfect for the character it portrays; courtesy of J. Scott Cambpell (whose stuff I don't normally dig that much) and Edgar Delgado:


To end the column, Moments Of The Week(s)? Just the one moment from 06/16, one of the funny moments Atomic Robo never fails to deliver:


Detect Evil is a nice spell, you know? Now, from 09/23, as if Utopia wasn't already a big target for the rest of the world:


Damn... Then, Bruce Banner has stones...


... and a kid made of stone, too. Then, speaking of Utopia, look who's back:


Yeah baby! The Mutant Master Of Magnetism himself! As for 09/30, we start with a revelation of another Legionnaire in the Metropolis Science Police Squad:


Nice surprise. Then, The Adventures Of Thing Thing!


That brought a smile to my face. Next, don't mess with Sinestro:


It doesn't matter that your skin matches the rings, it still is the "Sinestro" Corps... Now, who makes Ares a proud pops?


The God Of Fear himself! Speaking of divine beings:


That's where the quote for the week of 09/30 came from, but the whole scene (and it was longer) was just too funny not to single out. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!