The Dissector

The Dissector #136.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Mine was a life of solitude and duty, Picard. I have no regrets. But for a time, I was in a unique position, working with comrades of exemplary character. Friends." Spock, Star Trek: Spock: Reflections #4.

That quote is simply beautiful; at least if you're a trekkie. Welcome to the column for books released on 10/14; I've finally caught up... for how long? Nobody caught the DT!; then again, there wasn't much time between columns. The problem was that Doctor Strange's facial hair looks nothing like it should; with a bushy handlebar moustache instead of his usual style.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week were the following; Best Book Of The Week was Adventure Comics #506; the Superboy/Robin story was very good, Johns has a handle on the core of the characters, while acknowledging how they've changed over the years. Francis Manapul new style is growing on me; although I always liked it better than his original style, which was too blocky. The Legion Of Super-Heroes second feature might feel slow to some people; but I feel they're accomplishing two things. First, they're giving us Legion fans a good, solid fix of the team; and second, they're introducing the characters to people unfamiliar to the Legion, but without drowning them in the team's long and convoluted history. Worst Book Of The Week was JSA Vs. Kobra #5... the art is mediocre; and the story is drawn out; it could have been done in an oversized one-shot or even a two or three issue mini.

Here's the Rundown: Adventure Comics (accented letter), Green Lantern Corps V2 (Kilowog's badge), The Incredible Hercules (wrong eye colors), Nomad: Girl Without A World (accented letter), R.E.B.E.L.S. (wrong eye color), Scalped (accented letter), The Marvels Project (Namor's wings are gigantic), The Unwritten (accented letter wrong, then right, then wrong), Titans V2 (wrong eye colors), Uncanny X-Men (next issue's cover has Namor with blue eyes instead of gray), X-Men Forever V2 (Beast eyes, both in the cover and inside, are shown as featureless and yellow or white, even glowing). And now, the featured dissections:
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"MERCURY FREDDY."

TITLE: Anna Mercury 2 (Avatar).

ISSUE: 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Warren Ellis (writer).

DISSECTION: One more time Ellis gets communication protocols incorrect. Anna Mercury gets in touch with her control by saying "Mercury, Launchpad."; when it should be the other way around.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"BLACKESTS NIGHT."

TITLE: Blackest Night: Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: Snakebyte noticed that a panel says "puts" instead of "put" when the subject was "abominations". Badge for you, Snake.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"HIS MOM FED HIM STEROIDS."

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: Annual 11.

CULPRIT: Tom Mandrake (artist).

DISSECTION: Robin is a ten-year old child... a very physically fit and trained ten-year old that can kill you with a finger, but still a ten-year old. He does not look like a miniature adult with muscles almost the same size as Azrael's

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"DC DISSECTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: Various.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: It's settled; it's not "DC Super Friends", it's "Super Friends V2". I've called it "DC Super Friends" three times; but DC is just something on the cover; the book is listed on the website as just "Super Friends"; and it's like that on the indicia of the comics themselves too. So, to sum up, the right name of the book is "Super Friends", and it's V2.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars each.
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"CROSS MY HEART."

TITLE: Green Arrow/Black Canary (DC).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Mike Norton (layouts) and/or Bill Sienkiewicz (finishes(

DISSECTION: Cupid is missing her heart-and-arrow scar.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, the first story ends with "get the rest of the story on the next page"... but the second story is an unrelated Speedy story. They seemed to have changed the second story in the last minute; because the DC website spoils the fact that one of the Green Arrows in the main story is Everyman ("the Green Arrow stabbed by Black Canary on their wedding night").
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"SHINE A LIGHT."

TITLE: JSA Vs. Kobra (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Don Kramer or Neil Edwards (pencillers).

DISSECTION: Green Lantern's emblem is wrong at one point, then right.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Plus, Jay Garrick's costume and boots are incorrect; and Power Girl's hair is wrong.
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"PASSPORT, PLEASE."

TITLE: Nation X advertisement (Marvel).

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Unknown designer/writer.

DISSECTION: Magneto's "passport" is shown; and it's obviously an allegory, because it has stamps for places that aren't a state (Muir Island, Savage Land); in fact, I doubt he's ever had a German passport at all. The name on the passport is Max Eisenhardt; it's telling that the name they chose for him has a certain meaning; one meaning of "Eisen" in German is iron; which speaks great volumes about Magneto's convictions. Cheap? Yes, but way better than his actual name being "Magnus", like Rictor's last name is "Richter" when his power was generating seismic waves. Or Otto Octavius... or Dominik's favorite, Blackagar Boltagon...

But I'm straying from the topic... The codes on the passport include his alias "Erik Magnus Lehnsherr"... but they spelled it "Lensherr".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"SUPER DISSECTION SATURDAY MORNINGS!"

TITLE: Super Friends V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Dario Brizuela (artist) and Heroic Age (colorist).

DISSECTION: Come on, this one is easy!


On another note, should I start labeling this book and Tiny Titans as "DC/DC Kids"; Marvel's "MAX" books as "Marvel/MAX", and so on? I've only done it with "DC/Vertigo" and "DC/Wildstorm"; because both Vertigo and Wildstorm are separate, not only in continuity but in subject, characters, themes, while "DC Kids" includes DC characters (apart from Cartoon Network stuff); Marvel Max, Knights and Ultimate are all about Marvel characters (although not in tone and mood, specifically MAX). I'm going to keep doing what I've done up to now, I'd like to hear your thoughts about it; but I think the most important difference is that while Vertigo and Wildstorm have their own character stables; MAX, Knights, DC Kids, Ultimate, etc, all draw from their parent lines. They are "labels", while Vertigo and Wildstorm (along with Marvel's Icon, which I just remembered) are true imprints. Next time I dissect an Icon book it's going to be labeled "Marvel/Icon".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"WEB OF COLORS."

TITLE: Web Of Spider-Man V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Andres Mossa (colorist, "Echoes").

DISSECTION: Again? Ben Reilly's eyes get colored green; then Peter's eyes are colored brown. Andres; Ben is a clone of Peter, got it?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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This week's column had an average of 6.1 Bazzars in thirty-four dissections; pretty normal. Now, the Cover Of The Week was almost this cover for Uncanny X-Men #516. It's simple, but it's also very powerful, and you all know how much of a sucker for Magneto I am. However, the below cover for Green Lantern Corps V2 #41 was way too creepy to not be the Cover Of The Week:


Patrick Gleason's pencils capture the mandatory spookiness of an undead child; who's at the same time very smug (that smug lil bastard face makes me think of my son's; who's smarter than most people and knows it). The inks are by Rebecca Buchman; and the colors by Randy Mayor and/or Gabe ElTaeb. Let's go now with the Moments Of The Week, first up, The Doctor looks like Han Solo from behind:


That made me laugh. Next, the creepy cover was only a teaser of more creepiness:


Easy? Yes. Effective? Yes, that too. Then, Sparky teaches us not to judge a book by its cover:


Or a man by his facial hair. Wise words, Sparky. Next up; Gravel is baddass:


He's like John Constantine with military training! The next one almost made me cry:


Spock lays his old friend to rest in his beloved homeland. Then, Magneto arrives!



Good entrance, nice pwning of Chuck. Let's finish these Moments with a "WTF?!":



Is that her knee? Her breast? A forward-facing hump? Kelley Jones; your exaggerated anatomy in comic book women is disgusting, not sexy.

Before I end this column; I wanted to take a moment to do something I don't normally do here... talk about something close to politics. This is a very important weekend for me, and for my country. Tomorrow my son turns five, and that's very important. He's growing up to be a very handsome, smart, and sweet child. I want him to grow up in a country where justice prevails. You see; there's presidential and congress/senate elections this Sunday in my country, Uruguay. We choose both chambers of our legislative body, and if a candidate gets more than 50% of the votes, we choose a president. If not, the two most voted candidates go to a second round where simple majority is enough.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about. We're also voting two constitutional reforms. One is important, but not vital, and its to allow our citizens living outside of the country to mail-in their ballots. The other one, however, is very, very important; it's vital. You see, Uruguay was under a military dictatorship from 1973 to 1984; a period during which many people in the military committed unspeakable acts of kidnapping, torture, rape, murder, and child theft. To this day, many people do not know where their relatives are buried, or how they died; or with what family and under what name the children that were ripped from their mothers' arms are living.

Under pressure of the military; the newly elected parliament approved a law that strongly restricted prosecution of the people responsible of those crimes, the "Law Of Expiration Of The State's Punitive Prerogative" (loose translation). There was a referendum to annul the law in 1989; but people were still afraid of what the military could do (military leaders said that even if they were called to courts, they would not go). Only during the latest government period (starting in 2004, first term where the left-wing coalition Frente Amplio, or Broad Front, held the national government) were some of these crimes truly investigated and some of the perpetrators were jailed (under humane conditions in a specially constructed prison or even their own homes, unlike what they did with their prisoners).

But we need more than 50% of voters to choose to render that tyrannical and absurd law null. This is not about political ideas, this is about justice. It's about being a person of good, it's about making a better world for our children. Does that sound corny? Well, so be it. I rather be corny than let these people draw their lofty pensions while they're free to do what they want after RAPING my country. That's why, that pink slip of paper that says "YES" to the end of that aberrant regulation that calls itself a law will go inside my voting envelope; along with the one for the mail-in vote proposal, and the one for the party I think should continue to lead the country.

Thanks for reading this, and peaceful elections for all my Uruguayan readers.


That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!