The Dissector

The Dissector #51.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Rex, is that beryllium in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" Grace Choi, Batman And The Outsiders V2.

Kind of late again, but are you gonna do? Oh, you're going to complain? Ah, well, then next time I'll try to have the column on time. No autopsy awards results, because I want more votes, there's a few ties. If I don't get votes enough to break the ties, I'll make my votes count double. What's happening several of my readers haven't voted, and some haven't even commented at all in the past weeks... Have I let you down, o faithful readers? Please head over to the nominees, then vote by sending an e-mail to lordmagnusen at gmail.com.

Last week's Dissect This was aptly spotted by Roy, of whom I expected no less, since this was a Teen Titans-related thing. Robin's gloves were lacking the scalloped blades they now have, like Batman's. Badge for Roy, who's one condecoration away from becoming a Lieuetnant in the HDSC!

Short write-ups for The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. The best book was Sub-Mariner V2 issue 6 of 6, a mini that could have been four issues, not six (a common situation these days), but that had a great resolution, and a real change of the status quo for one of the major player nations in the Marvel Universe. Good plot and better characterization of Namor by writers Matt Cherniss and Peter Johnson, and good art by Phiol Briones, Scott Hanna and Paul Mounts; and a bone-chilling ending (see the Moments Of The Week).

Worst book of the week? Tarot: Witch Of The Black Rose #47. Miss Kitty Fantastico, Lieutenant of the HDSC, recommended this book on his site Heroine Addict!, and I thought I'd give it a try. I read issues 45 through 47, and while the art was great, and it wasn't as one might expect, a fan service book; I found that it sounds too pretentious and high-horsed on the topic of Wicca and feminism, and yadda yadda yadda. There's a good review of the latest issue in MKF's site right now, explaining that his wasn't an issue, or an arc, really, for a new reader to hop on. This particular issue, however, was the worst of the arc, which ends up being a boring catalogue of stylized (or Jim Balentized, as it is) Tarot fans, real witches who get their fangirl spotlight in the issue, with heavy and repetitive prose by Balent. What the hell, I might still give #48 a try, but for now, dissections:
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"IT'S NOT EASY BEING GREEN."

TITLE: Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 671.

CULPRIT: Guy Major (colorist).

DISSECTION: R'as' skin is green, when it wasn't so in Detective Comics #838.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars, it could be a sign of his decay.
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"KATANA, TAKE TWO."

TITLE: Batman And The Outsiders V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Doug Braithwaite (cover artist).

DISSECTION: Katana's costume in the cover includes that "waist-cape" she used to wear, but doesn't wear inside the book, plus other design elements don't match, including the exact color scheme. On another note, I was also going to complain about Metamorpho not knowing that Batman is Bruce Wayne, but then I figured he was hiding that fact from Grace.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"DISSECTING IN EARTH-8."

TITLE: Countdown Presents: Lord Havok And The Extremists (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 06.

CULPRIT: Liam Sharp (penciller).

DISSECTION: An easy one... I think.


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"IT'S THE BOWTIE, IT'S MAAAAGIC."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Claudio Castellini (cover penciller).

DISSECTION: Jimmy Olsen's clothes on the cover don't match what he wears inside.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE FOOL ON THE HEEL."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Carlos Magno (penciller).

DISSECTION: Mary Marvel's heels are not correct (at least she has some). Still, you have got to love Carlos Magno for shots like this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"BRIGHT MIRACLE."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Tom Chu (colorist).

DISSECTION: Mr. Miracle's costume colors are, incorrectly, his usual ones.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"IT'S THE TEARS."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Carlos Magno (penciller) and Tom Chu (colorist).

DISSECTION: Pied Piper has glowing green eyes instead of his sunglasses, although not as blatant as in issue #32.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"OHNOES, ACID!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer).

DISSECTION: Pied Piper and Trickster attack Deadshot by throwing battery acid to his face. Now, Deadshot wears a mask that's probably made of Kevlar or something similar, and it includes a telescopic sight lens, which is probably not made of soft plastic. Battery acid is 33.5% concentrated sulfuric acid, which I doubt could eat through the mask so fast (or at all).

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"DAMN JIBAROS!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Freddie E. Williams II (backup origin story penciller/inker).

DISSECTION: Bronze Tiger's head on page 23 looks too small for his body.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"DUDE, YOU CAN'T SHOOT WORTH A DAMN, SOMEBODY ELSE IS MAKING THOSE SHOTS FOR YOU!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Freddie E. Williams II (backup origin story penciller/inker).

DISSECTION: Deadshot shoots at some targets with the pictures of Piper and Trickster, but the wholes show when he retrieves the pictures don't match the ones on the previous panel. Plus, Deadshot doesn't shoot them through the center, he barely even hits the heads in the photos.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"BLASTERS, LIKE IN STAR WARS?"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Scott Beatty (backup origin story writer).

DISSECTION: The Powers And Weapons section says that Deadshot uses "wrist-blasters", when he uses bullets almost exclusively.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"HOT LIST LAST WEEKS."

TITLE: Various DC titles (DC).

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Unknown.

DISSECTION: The "HOT LIST THIS WEEK" shows various titles that were released the week before, such as Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Red Rain.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"TO ME, MY ALLEYS."

TITLE: Crime Bible: The Five Lessons Of Blood (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Greg Rucka (writer).

DISSECTION: The introductory "facsimile" of a page of the "real" Crime Bible has a line that reads "(...) as the bitches in heat in the allies (...)"; at first I thought "allies" might be an old spelling of "alleys", or some other word altogether, but I couldn’t' find any definition of that word that wasn't the current and common one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"I'M ON ATKINS."

TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 08.

CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (penciller).

DISSECTION: On page seven, Granny Goodness is too skinny.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"ME NEW GOD!"

TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 08.

CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (writer).

DISSECTION: Since when does Kalibak speak in the third person?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"THE TRUE FACE OF A GOD."

TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 08.

CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (writer).

DISSECTION: Superman sees Orion's true face (which isn't as hideous as it should be), and is surprised. I'm pretty sure he'd seen it before.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"FRIJOLERO NEW GOD."

TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 08.

CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (writer).

DISSECTION: The book mentions Himon as of not of New Genesis, but he is from there, even if he used to live in Apokolips, disguised as a Hunger Dog.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"DESAAD, BRING ME A BOTTLE OF CHARDONAIS."

TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 08.

CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (penciller).

DISSECTION: So, Darkseid drinks booze from an earthly-looking bottle with a cork and a label?

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
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"TOUCHÉ!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 50.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: On the dissection about Metamorpho's French, I mistyped the word "rencontrer" as "recontrer". Thanks to Dominik B. for this heads up, badge for you.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"UH, I DIDN'T PAY ATTENTION IN MY HISTORY LESSONS BACK AT OA!"

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer). Why do they need to credit him as "story and words", if he's the only writer of the issue?

DISSECTION: Sodam Yat is surprised that his Daxamite body gains superpowers under a yellow sun. First of all, didn't he feel back in Mogo orbit? And also, even if such knowledge is suppressed on Daxam, why would the Guardians or Kilowog not tell him about it while he trained as a Lantern. Didn't he go on any kind of field trip to a yellow star system? Same goes for him not knowing about his lead vulnerability.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"IT'S THE GREEN LATNERN CORPS!"

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer) and/or Steve Wands (letterer).

DISSECTION: On page seven, the word "shields" is misspelled as "shileds".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
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"BOING!"

TITLE: JLA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 47.

CULPRIT: Mike W. Barr (writer).

DISSECTION: Hal Jordan fires a ring blast at a yellow shield (back in the day), and the ray bounces of the yellow metal, striking the ceiling. That's wrong, the ray would have just struck the shield with no effect at all.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"TOO SLOW!"

TITLE: JLA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 47.

CULPRIT: Mike W. Barr (writer).

DISSECTION: Are we really meant to believe that three founding Justice Leaguers couldn’t' kneel on command to maintain their cover as Qwardian weaponeers? Because it's not like they're discovered for not reacting as fast as the real Qwardians, or for not following a secret signal or something like that. No, no. The Qwardian big cheese just yells "KNEEL!" and Green Arrow, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern just stand there, surprised.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"HE'S ALWAYS BEEN A DUMB MONSTER, NO MATTER WHAT THAT MELTZER GUY SAYS."

TITLE: JSA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 32.

CULPRIT: Junior Thomas (writer).

DISSECTION: Alan Scott mentions that Solomon Grundy is not "smart enough" to pull off a certain attack by himself. Guess he didn't read (or rather, Thomas didn't read) the first arc of the current JLA book.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"ASTRONAUTS, FULL DISCLOSURE."

TITLE: Moon Knight V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual 01.

CULPRIT: Duan Swierczynski (writer).

DISSECTION: As far as I can tell, you just can't get onto NASA's website and get a list of their astronauts, much less those in training.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"OH NO, A SECRET SUPERVILLAIN WEAPON HAS RENDERED ME UNCONSCIOUS!"

TITLE: Moon Knight V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual 01.

CULPRIT: Duan Swierczynski (writer).

DISSECTION: Is Moon Knight's cowl thin enough for a simple taser (carried by a civilian woman in her purse) to affect him? I don't he still does, but he used to wear an adamantium armor, but I bet he still wears some manner of protection.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!"

TITLE: Sub-Mariner V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Phil Briones (penciller).

DISSECTION: Yes, this is an old issue, not the latest one, but I had misfiled these dissections. Namor wears boots on the cover, but is barefoot inside the book.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"WHO CARES IF THEY DIE? YOU LIED TO US, NAMOR!"

TITLE: Sub-Mariner V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Matt Cherniss & Peter Johnson (writers).

DISSECTION: Professor X flat out refuses to help Namor stop the slaughter of innocent civilians. Mischaracterization, anyone?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"WE NEED TO RECALIBRATE THE TIMESCOPE!"

TITLE: (Supergirl And) The Legion Of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: Nathan Eyring (colorist).

DISSECTION: When Supergirl looks through the time portal back at World War III, she sees Mary Marvel, Captain Marvel (Shazam, by then, really), and Captain Marvel Jr. fighting Black Adam. Mary Marvel's costume is colored like her old red one, instead of the white one she's wore since 1994, and up to losing her powers before Countdown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"YEAH, DEFINITELY RECALIBRATE."

TITLE: (Supergirl And) The Legion Of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: Nathan Eyring (colorist).

DISSECTION: Same as before, only it's CM3's hair that's colored brown instead of black.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"YEAH, WE'LL GET THAT DEAD OLD COOTH TO CONTACT YOU."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: Annual 13.

CULPRIT: Kurt Busiek (writer).

DISSECTION: The two New Genesis kids tell Superman that they'll ask "Highfather" to contact him, but Highfather is dead, and even if he technically held the same position, nobody called Takion "Highfather".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"KARA ZOR-EL, NOT THE BRIGHTEST LASER BULB..."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: Annual 13.

CULPRIT: Kurt Busiek (writer).

DISSECTION: In the backup story, Supergirl carves a rock into a model of Krypton for Chris Kent to learn about the planet, and she tells him to use his "telescopic" vision to look at the detail, but that would be his microscopic vision.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"TAROT, MISTRESS OF THE MEESTEEKL ARTS!"

TITLE: Tarot: Witch Of The Black Rose (BroadSword Comics).

ISSUE: 47.

CULPRIT: Jim Balent (writer) and/or Holly Golightly (letterer).

DISSECTION: In page 20, panel one, a witch fights evil with "magick" (you see what I meant about pretentiousness?) and "marshal" art moves. "Marshal"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"OH, ZE IRONY!"

TITLE: The Phantom V7 (Moonstone).

ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Mike Bullock (writer).

DISSECTION: The 13th Phantom fights former Musketeers, who talk to him in stereotypical French-accented English, with phrases such as "zee king" and "such as zees"... but continue to do so when they talk to each other in private, and their speech should be written in plain English, and perhaps between < > to symbolize translation from French. Also, another Frenchman (some kind of seneschal for the king), speaks perfect English, when talking to the Musketeers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Because I say so.
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"NEW X-MEN, NEW COSTUMES."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Edgard Delgado (variant cover colorist).

DISSECTION: Pixie and X-23 appear on J. Scott Campbell's cover, but their costumes are colored incorrectly, with blue where they ought to be black.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"AND NOW, MY TEAM CONSISTING OF TOAD AND BLOB WILL... HEY, STOP LAUGHING!"

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).

DISSECTION: Mr. Sinister says that any of his Marauders could kill the whole X-Men team (made up from Angel, Wolverine, Storm, Colossus and Nightcrawler) single-handedly... yet his Marauders are: Arclight, Exodus (ok, maybe he can), Gambit, Harpoon, Lady Mastermind, Gambit, Malice (controlling Omega Sentinel, maybe a chance), Mystique, Prism, Random, Riptide, Scalphunter, Sunfire, Tempo and Vertigo.

All of them together? They have a chance of defeating such a small X-Men team, and they actually do. Maybe Exodus and the Omega Sentinel can defeat them on their own... but Mystique? Prism? Random? Har-fucking-poon? Please...

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Sinister should change his name to Mr. Hyperbole.
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"CYCLOPS TOLD ME TO COVER UP."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: And it's New X-Men costume goof ups time again! These come from several pages they appear on in this book; the first is that Surge is wearing a full shirt, when in New X-Men she wore a bodice that didn't cover her upper chest.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"I DIDN'T WANT TO HOLD BACK."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: Surge's gauntlets look like the ones everyone else wears, not her clunky power-controlling gauntlets.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"IT GOT COLD, AND MY NIPPLES GOT DIAMOND-HARD."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: Rockslide wears a shirt, when he was shown not wearing one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"WHO CARES WHAT HIS NAME IS?"

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer) and/or Cory Petit (letterer). Cory, did you break away with VC?

DISSECTION: Let's give Bachalo a break, shall we? Julian Keller, aka Hellion, gets called Julien on page nine.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"YEAH, WHO CARES ABOUT THE X-KIDS COSTUMES."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: Talon (or X-23) is missing her costume sleeves (or whatever you call them, they should reach from inside her gauntlets up to her elbow. Come on Marvel, is it so fricking hard, when you have a crossover, to compile character designs for each book and send it to the people working on the other books, or the cover artists? No, it's not, dammit.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE HER?"

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: Pixie's freckles are missing. She also looks nothing like she should, with different facial; features and hairstyle.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"... DID YOU DYE YOUR HAIR?"

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Brian Reber (colorist).

DISSECTION: And we're done with Bachalo, this time, Pixie's hair is miscolored inside the book, as a dull purple, or black with purple highlights. It's really black with very bright purple highlights, more like lilac highlights.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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The average this week was a lowly 5.4, not too many big things really. I was thinking today, let me know what you think about it, that I could just write up the fun dissections, and then just count in minor nits like wrong eye colors, typos, etc, towards the total and average of the column. It would definitely save me some time, but wouldn't affect the "fun quotient" of the column. I'll give it a thought. Moments Of The Week! First up, Tattoo Rose really "fucks up" an enemy:


A new meaning to "lay down" your weapons! Then, to show that the Moments Of The Week are also comprised of sad stuff, here's Nazi Batman from Earth-whocares:


The artist could have designed some cool, WWIIesque Bats with leather cowl and SS costume, with a Thule Society inspired gothic bat emblem... but he just slapped a red swastika on a regular Batman costume. Way to go! Now, two moments from the last issue of the Sub-Mariner mini I praised before. On the first one, Namor sacrifices his traitorous son as a lesson to all that would threaten Atlantis. I just love how the whelp goes from defiant to instant "daddy's boy" in a matter of seconds.


Next up, the conclusion to the series; Namor evacuates Atlantis and orders all of its citizens to blend in with the surface world's population. However, he takes all of his army to one place, to wait for the day they're needed. What place? See for yourself:


Hot dayamn! It's like Lee/Kirby villain team up! I predict a World War III in Marvel some time soon, maybe from the ashes of the Skrull invasion. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!