DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"I always punch anything I see that's wearing a swastika!" Captain America, Giant-Size Avengers/Invaders #1.
Alright, still on the catch up job, with a column about comics published on the week of 05/07, plus a few older dissections. Last column's Dissect This! was spotted by Sully, who reaches the rank of Lieutenant in the HDSC. Of course, you can't kill 29 billion men, since there's roughly over 6 billion people on Earth; and no Snakebyte, it doesn't matter that Y: The Last Man happens in a fictitious Earth.
Before the actual dissections, let's see the Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book was Star Wars: Legacy #23, solid issue on a usually solid series, great plot by Ostrander and excellent art by Jan Duursema (instead of the occasional fill-in artists, who aren't always up to her standards) Worst Book Of The Week is Metal Men V4 #8, last issue in a flop of a series that showed me that Duncan Rouleau. Thank God it's over.
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"MOM! CLARK IS INTERFERING WITH MY COMPUTER!!"
TITLE: Action Comics (DC).
ISSUE: Annual #11.
CULPRIT: Geoff Johns & Richard Donner (writers).
DISSECTION: Okay, I'm too tired to write a rant about the new Superman status quo, about the bumbling Clark Kent persona, etc, etc, etc, etc... and it's been so long since I read it that I lost the whole rant I had composed in my head. I can't even consider most of it as dissections, as much as I disagree with it, because it's slowly being retconned into post Infinite Crisis continuity. However, there is one thing that I can't accept, and that's Superman's powers sometimes interfering with computers, forcing Clark Kent to work on a typewriter. WHAT? I can understand (even if I don't agree) wanting to return to a Silver Age feeling, but this doesn't even make sense! He's not Electric Blue Superman! Not only that, but they haven't shown this happening in any other books, so it might be stretching it a bit, but I'll have to say this is a dissection.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Yes, that might have some pent up frustration added.
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"SKRULL!!!"
TITLE: Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 558.
CULPRIT: Avalon's Hannin & Milla (colorists)
DISSECTION: JJJ's hair and moustache show no sign of his age.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"ANGLE: AFTER THE FALL OF MY DICTIONARY."
TITLE: Angel: After The Fall (IDW).
ISSUE: 07.
CULPRIT: Brian Lynch (writer) and/or Robbie Robbins (letterer).
DISSECTION: The word "ringing" is used instead of "wringing". Also, "hobble" instead of "cobble".
DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars each.
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"INVADERS, DISSECT THIS!"
TITLE: Avengers/Invaders (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01 of 12.
CULPRIT: Steve Sadowski (penciller).
DISSECTION: Check this out, what's wrong with this image? And yes, that's Cap in WWII, with his definitive costume.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"WE, TEH PEOPLE..."
TITLE: Cable V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 03.
CULPRIT: Duane Swierczynski (writer) & VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).
DISSECTION: Usually people gather in an "assembly", not an "assmebly".
DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
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"FUCK IT EASY."
TITLE: Captain America V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 338.
CULPRIT: Mark Gruenwald (writer).
DISSECTION: Not only Fer-de-Lance's Spanish dialogue has the wrong exclamation marks, she also says "cógelo suave" as "take it easy"; which is a literal translation but not the right one, which would be "tómatelo con calma", particularly since she's Latin American and "coger" is only used in Spain; since in Latin America it means "to fuck". Brownie points to Gruenwald for using some accented vowels, though.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"WHO COLORED THIS?"
TITLE: Empire (DC).
ISSUE: 0.
CULPRIT: Unknown cover designer.
DISSECTION: Colorist Chris Sotomayor is credited on the cover as "Sotomayer".
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"AFRICA? WHERE'S THAT?"
TITLE: The Invincible Iron Man V5 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Salvador Larroca (artist) and Matt Fraction (writer).
DISSECTION: Iron Man stands on a holographic display of the world which tracks anyone who's worn or wears a suit of high-tech armor, and says that none of them is in Africa... yet there's clearly one marked as in being in Africa.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"IT'S GOT A HORN, WHO'S GONNA TELL THE DIFFERENCE?"
TITLE: Star Spangled Comics V1 (DC Comics).
ISSUE: 36.
CULPRIT: Unknown writer.
DISSECTION: This one is from 1944, making it the oldest dissection in the history of this column. I found it in Blockade Boy's blog, where Robotman (the Golden Age character, not Cliff Steele) battles some dinosaurs, and the writer refers to one (possibly a triceratops) as a "rhinoceros". I know dinosaurs weren't that popular back then but...
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"THEPHANTOM."
TITLE: The Phantom V7 (Moonstone).
ISSUE: 11.
CULPRIT: Unknown ad designer.
DISSECTION: Text in an advertisement lacks several spaces, after commas, and joining the words "andJoel".
DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars. By the way, this one is also and old one.. but from this decade.
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End of this column, thanks for reading, thirteen dissections and an average of 6.2 Bazzars. Oh, you want the moments of the week? Sure, alright. First one, the future Christian Walker, from Powers, waits so long that he doesn't get old, he evolves:
And you complain when your girlfriend makes you wait for her! Then, homoerotic feel-ups between FDR and Winston Churchill:
Yeah, no thanks Frankie, I'd rather not feel you up... Last, and my favorite from this week, Norman Osborn drives home the point that the Green Goblin is NOT a Joker rip-off:
I love it how he made bombs out of ORANGE pendrives. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
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