Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Dissector #117.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

05-06"I give you the one... the only... ... original reproduction of... ... the Nautilus!" Unnamed announcer, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Volume III: Century #1.

05-13"Relax. You're bridge crew. All gold and blue. (...) You're not red shirts, you two are fine. Security doesn't always make it home as much as you guys." Boyd, Star Trek: Mission's End #3.

05-20"Man, the guy's gotta be crazier than Norman Osborn's hairdresser." Ant-Man, about Ghost, Thunderbolts #132.

Well, it looks like I caught up! For how long? We'll see... This is the column for the first three weeks of May; as you can see in the quotes. Let's start with The Dissector's Picks Of The Week, shall we? The Best Book Of The Week for 05/06 was The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #593, as usual, a good read. Worst Book was Seaguy: The Slaves Of Mickey Eye #2... boring, inane crap disguised as "wacky". Best Book for 05/13 was Action Comics #877, showing that Action doesn't need Superman to work; while the Worst Book was Trinity #50... God, that series has been a huge failure...

Best Book Of The Week for 05/20 was the Sgt. Fury & His Howling Commandos one-shot; just some fun WWII adventure with more or less the same tone I'm enjoying in Atomic Robo. Worst Book was Superman/Batman #60... Lex Joker? ARGH!!! Also, I don't want to make a dissection out of this, but in X-Men Forever, Chris Claremont changed Gambit's name to Remy Picard... PICARD?!?!??! WTH?!?!!???!?!?

On a lighter note, nobody got the DT!, that's a pity. The dissection there was that both Sodam Yat and Arisia were referring to Scar, the corrupt Guardian Of The Universe as a "he", when Scar is female. Books indexed that don't get a write-up are: The Amazing Spider-Man V1, The Amazing Spider-Man Family, Angel: Blood And Trenches, Astonishing Tales V2, Marvel Mystery Comics 70th Anniversary Edition, New Mutants V3, Outsiders V2, Seaguy: The Slaves Of Mickey Eye, Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Romulans, Strange Adventures V2, Terror, Inc.: Apocalypse Soon, Thunderbolts, and Tiny Titans. And now, dissections!
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"BATTLE FOR THE DISSECTION."

TITLE: Batman: Battle For The Cowl (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Tony S. Daniel (writer) and/or Jared K. Fletcher (letterer).

DISSECTION: This one might be too easy.


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, as usual, the Riddler's hair and eyes are colored incorrectly.
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"PLEASE, COME IN... NO! NOT YOU!"

TITLE: Captain Britain And MI13 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Paul Cornell (writer).

DISSECTION: So, Dracula and his cronies get into a house because they were outside it, listening in when the owner invited Pete Wisdom and his team? They weren't invited and they could still get in? WTF???

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"X-DISSECTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 116.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Snakebyte caught (as usual), one of my mistakes. I had the X-Factor/X-Terminators wrong; and the reference I check wasn't clear enough, I should have checked a second reference. To clarify, the five original X-Men used the X-Factor when they pretended to be mutant hunters, and as the X-Terminators they were a team of mutants. This lowers the average of the previous column to 6.4, and the amount of dissections to 73. My apologies to Kurt Busiek and Roger Stern.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, J. Corbin found some grammatical errors; achieving the rank of Lieutenant in the HDSC. Incidentally, I repeated one of those errors in this column, but the grammar checker caught it!
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"FIRESWRONG."

TITLE: Final Crisis Aftermath: Run (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Matthew Sturges (writer).

DISSECTION: Sturges write Firestorm as concerned for Martian Manhunter, calling him "J'onn", as if it was Ronnie Raymond, when it's Jason Rusch. Jason hasn't even served in the JLA alongside with J'onn, so this is out of character. On another note, he's also colored incorrectly, and there are several errors in John Stewart's costume.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"IN THIS FUTURE, SHE MARRIED HENK MCOY."

TITLE: GeNEXT: United (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Chris, you created the damn character, GET HER NAME RIGHT!!! It's "CECILIA", not "CECELIA". For the love of God, the name "Cecelia" doesn't even it exist.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"STEALING SPOCK'S CLOTHES."

TITLE: Star Trek: Mission's End (IDW).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Stephen Molnar (artist) and John Hunt (colorist).

DISSECTION: Why is Ambassador Sarek wearing a Starfleet uniform? Incidentally, Ambassador Cassidy wears a Starfleet uniform too, but since she was part of the original survey team to the planet, so she could be a Starfleet officer and a Federation ambassador at the same time (as unlikely as that would be).

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"I'M SEEING WHO YOU ARE, RIGHT AT THE DNA LEVEL!"

TITLE: Supergirl V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 41.

CULPRIT: Sterling Gates (writer).

DISSECTION: I'm sorry, but I won't accept that Supergirl can read DNA with her microscopic vision.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"ARMOR CLASS 10 (YES, I'M OLD SCHOOL)."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 510.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: Matt, why are you writing Armor as a scared little girl, when she's an X-Man that's proved herself time and again?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"I WILL CONSIDERTAE YOUR PROPOSAL."

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: You know how I always rant about the Spanish language mistakes this book has? Well, now they can't even write in English... The word is "consideration", not "considertaion".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Of course, there are also thirteen Spanish dissections.
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This column had an average of 6.5 Bazzars, in forty-seven dissections. Now, let's go with the Moment Of The Week(s); first, with the Human Flame:


AKA Ron Jeremy? Next, Nick Fury gives cooking lessons:


And lastly, Tiny Titans continues to amuse:


He's the Main Man, so give me fifty push ups! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

6 comments:

Emerre said...

Snakebite rocks!
I believe we have the answer for "who dissects the dissector?"
=P

MaGnUs said...

I should hire Snakebyte as my proofreader. And if you have the answer, spit it out!

MaGnUs said...

So, speaking of Snake, he cracked the DT!

And now I see what you meant by "who dissects the dissector". :>

JohnnyDoe said...

In the GeNEXT: United dissection you wrote "For the love of God, the name "Cecelia" doesn't even it exist.". I think you got an "it" too much in there.

MaGnUs said...

Yeah, thanks for that JD.

MaGnUs said...

Comments originally posted on ICS.net, right after the column was posted:

Martín "MaGnUs" Pérez: Snake, someone has a good opinion of you.


Nick S.: XD. He spelled it wrong, though. Also, it's missing the umlaut over the u in Bludhaven. I'd type it properly, but I don't know that alt code. >_>

Sturges write Firestorm as concerned for Martian Manhunter,


Sturges... writes? If not, no idea what you mean.

Chris, you created the damn character,


Nope, Scott Lobdell created Cecilia Reyes.

Matt, why are you writing Armor as a scared little girl, when she's an X-Man that's proved herself time and again?


Since when does being in combat a lot preclude you from being scared about it? Lots of the less-perfect X-Men angst over that shit a lot.

Also: FUCKYES YOU CAUGHT UP!


Martín "MaGnUs" Pérez: 1) Yes, it's the umlaut. And do the same I do, google it: Blüdhaven Blüdhaven Blüdhaven Blüdhaven.

2) Sturges "writes" was my intention.

3) Yes, you're right, it was Lobdell, not Claremont. My bad.

4) She's been shown as keeping it together in worse situations than that, this was a complete mischaracterization. Fear is one thing, scared little girl is another.

5) Yes, I caught up.. .but for how long? :)