The Dissector #189.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Volstagg the Magnified will not suffer the claws nor yellow fangs nor crude weapons of filthy trolls! No numbers are great enough to overthrow me! Am i not the acknowledged paragon of martial virtue? Am I not the most celebrated paladin of the realm eternal? Do you know why the vast river Vaskrundr flows past the South face of Vindrbjarg Mountain in far Alfheim? Because Volstagg got tired of seeing it flow past the North face of Vindrbjarg Mountain! I barked but once and it obeyed me with fear and trembling! Now, doesn't that frost your breeches?" Volstagg The Voluminous, while slaying trolls, Warriors Three #2.

That's some quote. Get the full action in the Moments Of The Week. Let's get started, then... this is a column for books published on 12/02; as usual, there might be a few stragglers. Last week's DT! was cracked by JhonnyDoe (badge for him)... it was obviously that Hobgoblin is a very well known villain in the Marvel universe; so there's no way nobody recognized him or got a hit in metahuman databases. On another not, I need to retract from the dissections I made last week (in The Rundown) on X-Men: Phoenix Force Handbook. Turns out the character I thought had been wrongly named "Bran Braddock" was actually named "Bran", and that when I saw "Corps", instead of "Captain Britain Corps", that was right, because both names are common; since not all members are codenamed Captain Britain, despite most being Brian Braddock's alternate versions, or their replacements.

Here are The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book Of The Week was Captain America: Patriot #4. Just a great end to a very good mini... that's all. Congrats to Karl Kesel, Mitch Breitweiser, Bettie Breitweiser, and all the rest of the team. Worst Book Of The Week was almost Action Comics Annual #13... the whole retcon of Lex Luthor getting where he got because he got Apokolips tech and worked for Darkseid as a young man; or studying under Ra's al Ghul, dying and getting raised in a Lazarus Pit... this is almost as bad as that retcon a few years back where Thomas Wayne visits Krypton before its destruction, and all of Wayne Enterprises success (or at least, its resurgence since it apparently was at a low point never mentioned before) comes from Thomas Wayne (who was a medical doctor) single-handledly reverses-engineering Kryptonian technology. But no, this book at least was readable, and it had good art... two things not shared by the actual Worst Book Of The Week, JSA All-Stars #13. Not only it focuses on the less interesting members of the JSA (and is one of the most shameless spin-offs ever); but while it tells a Cyclone story, it shows the rest of the team on some space mission... but it looks like there's a lot of pages missing; as the space mission progresses from battling some sort of sandworm into being captured by aliens with no explanation how it happens... not even "meanwhile, in space" note or something like that. To boot, the art looks like this, and Howard Porter inches closely to an Autopsy Award that features bloody stumps and blunt crayolas... Oh, and there's the Cover Of The Week, by Matthew Clark and Guy Major, from Doom Patrol #17... nice, isn't it? Of course, roadkill would also look nice next to Porter's art in All-Stars, but this is actually a nice cover.

The Rundown: Chaos War: God Squad (Amadeus Cho's eyes shouldn't be blue), Doom Patrol V5 (Rita Farr's eyes shouldn't be green), Generation Hope (Wolverine's eyes are brown first, then blue), Warriors Three (an accented letter is smaller than it should be, but all others are the right size, Volstagg's eyes are first brown, then the correct blue, and Reed Richards' eyes should be brown), Women Of Marvel (Valeria and Franklin Richards should not look the same age, Reed Richard's eyes should be brown, Shanna's story shouldn't be set in 1956, and she shouldn't have superstrength).
<-------------------------------->
"HE'S SO INVISIBLE, WE DON'T NOTICE WHICH OF THE TWO HE IS HALF OF THE TIME."

TITLE: Adventure Comics V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 520.

CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Roy, one of my loyal readers, and member of the HDSC, noticed that in October's issue, Levitz labels (in the small info boxes) Invisible Kid as Jacques Foccart, the second Invisible Kid; when this is obviously the first one, Lyle Norg (due to this being a story set in the Legion's beginnings, and the fact that Norg was white and Foccart is black).

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Badge for Lieutenant Roy.
<-------------------------------->
"WHITE STAR."

TITLE: Adventure Comics V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 521.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Dawnstar is descended from Native Americans... she is not fair-skinned like Caucasians, and she does not have blue eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Twice. Get a fucking grip on the characters you are working on. Also, her powers are listed just as "long-range tracking", when she can fly and survive in space on her own. Mon-El's powers are also incomplete.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTION IN MARS."

TITLE: Brightest Day (DC).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns & Peter J. Tomasi (writers).

DISSECTION: This should be an easy one. Check out (old) Batman talking about getting old and his JLA friends:


DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CHAOS ATE MY CREDITS."

TITLE: Chaos War: Alpha Flight (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Mark Paniccia (editor).

DISSECTION: Yeah.... THERE ARE NO DETAILED CREDITS IN THE WHOLE ISSUE!!! Just last names of writer, penciller, inker, and colorist on the cover... Tom Brevoort says it was a goof-up at Mark Panniccia's office; and since I don't know wich assistant editor, associated editor, or production assistant was involved, I blame solely Paniccia.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Aurora is called "Jean-Marie" instead of "Jeanne-Marie".
<-------------------------------->
"NOTHING THE DISSECTO."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 188.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I should have Donald313 read my columns before I post them. I missed a word in one dissection and a letter in a Moment. Two badges for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars for the word, 1 for the letter.
<-------------------------------->
"JSA NO-STARS."

TITLE: JSA All-Stars (DC).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Matthew Sturges (writer).

DISSECTION: As mentioned before, the outer space mission team is horribly told, not just badly written, but downright missing pages.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Not to mention several art and coloring mistakes, including Cyclone's costume.
<-------------------------------->
Only 7.1 Bazzars in twenty-six dissections, higher than usual, but lower than I thought with all those tens. Now, Moments Of The Week. First up, Quislet is passed up for a Green Lantern ring:


Come on, stupid Dyogene doesn't even acknowledge Quislet? Or maybe Levitz knows that if he makes Quislet a GL, I'll die of fanboyness... Who gets the ring?


Mon-El, proving that he can never run out of horrible costumes... White boots, Mon? And over at Buffy, who buys the farm?


Giles! I guess it's not going to be permanent, but still... shocking scene... if only Dark Horse had better artists working this book. Over at another licensed property, how do you ease your fears?


Well, if you're Monterey Jack, this way! And as a finale, the fight scene from where this week's quote came from:


Hah! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #174.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Oh, Kermie! I've been thinking about how brave you are, promising to get rid of all vampires! (...) Yes, if the worst happens and you too are turned into a creature of the night, I will not spurn you! Though I must, must insist that you try not to... *gulp* ... ravish little moi. (I'll be lying on the sofa in my dressing room, if you're wondering. My window's always open. Kiss kiss." Miss Piggy, The Muppet Show: The Comic Book #8.

Yes, I'm horribly late. Around three weeks, I'd say, so I'm taking you through this first part quickly. First, I'll retract from column #167, when I said that in Captain America Fixer couldn't be working with Zemo; since it was referred to as a sort of scheme Fixer is in. My bad, one less dissection for Marvel, Captain America, and writer Brubaker.

Ensign Darryn needs a welcome into the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps, since he noticed correctly that H.A.M.M.E.R was an organ of the American government only, not an international enforcement organization like S.H.I.E.L.D. was. Best Book Of The Week? Flash #4, Geoff Johns and Francis Manapul at their best. Worst Book Of The Week was Teen Titans #85, horrible art and boring, confusing plot.

The Rundown: Age Of Heroes (Selena Gomez, not "Selina"), Artifacts (Spider-Man, not Spider-man, accented letter), The Authority: The Lost Year (accented letters), Avengers Assemble (complete lack of criteria for listing inactive and honorary members, calling Steve Rogers Captain America, saying that American Eagle joined the H.A.M.M.E.R., and calling a nickname an "alias"), Captain America: The 1940s Newspaper Strip (Captain America's pants look like shorts at one point), CBGB (the Voidoids are called the "Volvoids" at one point), Detective Comics (Batman's gloves, plus chest and belt emblems are wrong), Fantastic Four V1 (why are Reed Richards, Victor von Doom, and Ben Grimm attending college in what looks like the 50s?), G.I. Joe: Hearts & Minds (the credits page is for the stories from last issue), Green Lantern V4 (Hal Jordan's badge starts out right, then changes shape), Green Lantern Corps V2 (John Stewart's badge is wrong), Green Arrow V4 (Hal's badge is wrong on the cover and inside art), Justice League: Generation Lost (there is no way Captain Atom weights 750 kilos), Justice League Of America V2 (accented letter, wrong badge on Kyle Rayner, calling Vic Stone a "doctor"), Outsiders V4 (wrong Spanish, accented letter), Secret Avengers (wrong eye color on Ant-Man), Star Trek: Burden Of Knowledge (Uhura's badge is missing), Tarot: Witch Of The Black Rose ("bo" staff, not "bow" staff... and even then, saying "bo staf" is redundant), Teen Titans V3 (Beast Boy has weird action figure feet, and Kid Flash complains that his legs are trapped so he can't use them to create a whirlwind... but he can do that with his arms), Thor V1 (fifteen accented letters, Thor's eyes get colored green), World War Hulks: Captain America Vs. Wolverine (Reed Richards builds Cosmic Cubes?), World War Hulks: Spider-Man Vs. Thor (Spider-Hulk not Spider-Man), X-Campus (Wolverine's eyes and hair are miscolored in one story, a letter is missing in a word, and an accented letter is smaller than it should be), X-Factor Forever (if they're 30 minutes away from Genosha, how do they get there in the space of four or five sentences in the same conversation?), X-Men Forever 2 (Ororo's eyes are miscolored, and since when does Jean establish "flash-links" with her telepathy?)
<-------------------------------->
"THE WIDENING MAN."

TITLE: Batman: The Widening Gyre (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: Kevin Smith (writer).

DISSECTION: I love Kevin Smith, and Widening Gyre (and the previous mini) is a fun read, but writing comics is not his forte. In particular, someone talks about having a 17th century crossbow with a 21st century firing pin. Crossbows do not have firing pins, modern firearms have firing pins. Guns, unlike crossbows, operate by setting off an explosion that propels the bullet, and that is what the firing pin is for. Crossbows, on the other hand, propel bolts by using a string.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, why is there a "SUPER HIGH HIGH VOLTAGE" sign in the Batcave's power plant?
<-------------------------------->
"DARNIT, THERE IS NO WAY OF SOLVING THIS!"

TITLE: Peter Parker (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Tom Peyer (writer).

DISSECTION: I understand how Peter Parker is very responsible and gets all worked up about stuff he feels is his fault... but reacting like there was no way to recover the information about the people that AIM had brainwashed was a bit too much... not when there's amazing technology in the hands of good guys, and when even with real world methods their true identities would be possible to recover.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"INVITE ME IN, PLEASE."

TITLE: Spike: The Devil You Know (IDW).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Bill Williams (writer).

DISSECTION: I know each fictitious vampire mythology or franchise has its rules... for example, a stake through the heart in Buffy means they turn to dust; while in Vampire: The Masquerade, it only sends them into a sort of mystical coma. Sunlight burns most vampires, it didn't burn Dracula, and it makes Edward sparkle... but that's not my point...

In Buffy, vampires have to be invited to enter a private residence, and it seems it even extends to places privately owned, even if they're not residences. There are a few workarounds, and specifics, of course, like not needing someone to actually own the place to invite you in as long as they live there (Buffy could invite Angel into her house despite the property being owned by her mother).

But how is it possible that Spike suggests his companion (a demon or half demon) enter a warehouse, spend a few minutes inside it, and then be able to invite him in? It makes absolutely no sense.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"VAULT TIME!"

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 31.

CULPRIT: Matthew Clark (penciller).

DISSECTION: Blast from the past, with a 2006 book. I complained about this a lot back in the day:


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GOOD GRIEF."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 526.

CULPRIT: Whilce Portacio (penciller).

DISSECTION: Unless it's a blatant mistake in a character design, or setting, I usually leave bad art alone. In this case, I can't, not when it goes completely against the script, and not when I know the artists is capable of much, much better. Look at this:


How does this say "grief"? Did Whilce even read the script? Did he hand out random panels to his assistants? *shakes head*
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. That's just hideous, and on top of that, it flies in the face of the script.
<-------------------------------->
"SAT-SACK."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 526.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: I don't think there is anything like SATs in Canada. Yes, the character could be referring to taking SATs to qualify for a US college, but...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. A few other character design and script errors.
<-------------------------------->
Seventy dissections, and a 6.3 Bazzars average. Regular fare. Cover Of the week is this very nice piece by Leinil Francis Yu:


Rogue is always pretty to look at (you know, after her first appearances, anyway), and Magneto looks majestic. Moments Of The Week! From Teen Titans, was this really necessary?


Niiiiiiiceeee... Then, Larfleeze discovers Santiclaus.


Going into space, John Byrne gifts us the old "two characters played by the same actress", but in a special way:


For those of you not in the know, those are "Number One", original first officer of the Enterprise, and Christine Chapel, both of them played by Majel Barrett-Roddenberry. If the dates had allowed it, throwing in a Lwaxana Troi would have been heaven. Next, Jim Balent designs one of the most awesome weapons ever:


No, not the chick, the katana/gun. And last but not least... when did Tony Stark join the cast of Jersey Shore?


Good Lord, Tony has better style than that! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #117.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

05-06"I give you the one... the only... ... original reproduction of... ... the Nautilus!" Unnamed announcer, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Volume III: Century #1.

05-13"Relax. You're bridge crew. All gold and blue. (...) You're not red shirts, you two are fine. Security doesn't always make it home as much as you guys." Boyd, Star Trek: Mission's End #3.

05-20"Man, the guy's gotta be crazier than Norman Osborn's hairdresser." Ant-Man, about Ghost, Thunderbolts #132.

Well, it looks like I caught up! For how long? We'll see... This is the column for the first three weeks of May; as you can see in the quotes. Let's start with The Dissector's Picks Of The Week, shall we? The Best Book Of The Week for 05/06 was The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #593, as usual, a good read. Worst Book was Seaguy: The Slaves Of Mickey Eye #2... boring, inane crap disguised as "wacky". Best Book for 05/13 was Action Comics #877, showing that Action doesn't need Superman to work; while the Worst Book was Trinity #50... God, that series has been a huge failure...

Best Book Of The Week for 05/20 was the Sgt. Fury & His Howling Commandos one-shot; just some fun WWII adventure with more or less the same tone I'm enjoying in Atomic Robo. Worst Book was Superman/Batman #60... Lex Joker? ARGH!!! Also, I don't want to make a dissection out of this, but in X-Men Forever, Chris Claremont changed Gambit's name to Remy Picard... PICARD?!?!??! WTH?!?!!???!?!?

On a lighter note, nobody got the DT!, that's a pity. The dissection there was that both Sodam Yat and Arisia were referring to Scar, the corrupt Guardian Of The Universe as a "he", when Scar is female. Books indexed that don't get a write-up are: The Amazing Spider-Man V1, The Amazing Spider-Man Family, Angel: Blood And Trenches, Astonishing Tales V2, Marvel Mystery Comics 70th Anniversary Edition, New Mutants V3, Outsiders V2, Seaguy: The Slaves Of Mickey Eye, Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Romulans, Strange Adventures V2, Terror, Inc.: Apocalypse Soon, Thunderbolts, and Tiny Titans. And now, dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"BATTLE FOR THE DISSECTION."

TITLE: Batman: Battle For The Cowl (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Tony S. Daniel (writer) and/or Jared K. Fletcher (letterer).

DISSECTION: This one might be too easy.


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, as usual, the Riddler's hair and eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"PLEASE, COME IN... NO! NOT YOU!"

TITLE: Captain Britain And MI13 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Paul Cornell (writer).

DISSECTION: So, Dracula and his cronies get into a house because they were outside it, listening in when the owner invited Pete Wisdom and his team? They weren't invited and they could still get in? WTF???

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"X-DISSECTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 116.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Snakebyte caught (as usual), one of my mistakes. I had the X-Factor/X-Terminators wrong; and the reference I check wasn't clear enough, I should have checked a second reference. To clarify, the five original X-Men used the X-Factor when they pretended to be mutant hunters, and as the X-Terminators they were a team of mutants. This lowers the average of the previous column to 6.4, and the amount of dissections to 73. My apologies to Kurt Busiek and Roger Stern.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, J. Corbin found some grammatical errors; achieving the rank of Lieutenant in the HDSC. Incidentally, I repeated one of those errors in this column, but the grammar checker caught it!
<-------------------------------->
"FIRESWRONG."

TITLE: Final Crisis Aftermath: Run (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Matthew Sturges (writer).

DISSECTION: Sturges write Firestorm as concerned for Martian Manhunter, calling him "J'onn", as if it was Ronnie Raymond, when it's Jason Rusch. Jason hasn't even served in the JLA alongside with J'onn, so this is out of character. On another note, he's also colored incorrectly, and there are several errors in John Stewart's costume.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN THIS FUTURE, SHE MARRIED HENK MCOY."

TITLE: GeNEXT: United (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Chris, you created the damn character, GET HER NAME RIGHT!!! It's "CECILIA", not "CECELIA". For the love of God, the name "Cecelia" doesn't even it exist.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"STEALING SPOCK'S CLOTHES."

TITLE: Star Trek: Mission's End (IDW).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Stephen Molnar (artist) and John Hunt (colorist).

DISSECTION: Why is Ambassador Sarek wearing a Starfleet uniform? Incidentally, Ambassador Cassidy wears a Starfleet uniform too, but since she was part of the original survey team to the planet, so she could be a Starfleet officer and a Federation ambassador at the same time (as unlikely as that would be).

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M SEEING WHO YOU ARE, RIGHT AT THE DNA LEVEL!"

TITLE: Supergirl V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 41.

CULPRIT: Sterling Gates (writer).

DISSECTION: I'm sorry, but I won't accept that Supergirl can read DNA with her microscopic vision.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ARMOR CLASS 10 (YES, I'M OLD SCHOOL)."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 510.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: Matt, why are you writing Armor as a scared little girl, when she's an X-Man that's proved herself time and again?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I WILL CONSIDERTAE YOUR PROPOSAL."

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: You know how I always rant about the Spanish language mistakes this book has? Well, now they can't even write in English... The word is "consideration", not "considertaion".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Of course, there are also thirteen Spanish dissections.
<-------------------------------->
This column had an average of 6.5 Bazzars, in forty-seven dissections. Now, let's go with the Moment Of The Week(s); first, with the Human Flame:


AKA Ron Jeremy? Next, Nick Fury gives cooking lessons:


And lastly, Tiny Titans continues to amuse:


He's the Main Man, so give me fifty push ups! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #93.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Innocents in peril are the opiate of the masks." The Joker, Birds Of Prey V2 #122.

Here we are, with the column for books released on 09/17, taking us halfway into the month of September, and almost, almost caught up. I'll start with a new retraction; turns out the German in Secret Invasion: X-Men was correct, although "biblical" in style. Thus, the average for last column changes, going up to 7.5 Bazzars. Thanks to Dominik for pointing this out, he earns himself another badge.

Nobody spotted the DT!, but more on that later. The Dissector's Pick Of The Week were quite easy; Best Book Of The Week was the stupendous Hellblazer #243, a book that almost always pays off. John Constantine STEALS SANTICLAUS' BONES, fer cryin' out loud! What more could you want? Well, if you read it, you know what else happens... if you don't, check out the moments of the week. Then there's the Worst Book Of The Week; which is Checkmate V2 #30, even beating Dreamwar, but not by a lot, because of it's boredom-inducing qualities. There, off you go to the dissections now, jolly good chaps!
<-------------------------------->
"DREAMSSECTION."

TITLE: DC/Wildstorm Dreamwar (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: Lee Garbett (penciller).

DISSECTION: This one's actually a bit difficult, but discerning readers can spot it.


DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars, it's an "imaginary" Hal, so. Also, Alan Scott's hair is colored brown instead of blond,.
<-------------------------------->
"MOVING AROUND."

TITLE: DC Universe: Decisions (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Rick Leonardi (penciller)

DISSECTION: Lois Lane's and Clark Kent's apartment looks nothing like it's been depicted in Superman's books.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTING IN PLAIN VIEW."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 92.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Big boo-boo, detected by Snakebyte, my own Dissector. I normally decide the DT! after writing up all of the dissections; and I go back and delete the write up for the one I decide will be used for that feature. You know how I also don't give some dissections full entries, and just mention them (sometimes just barely) within the context of a more interesting one. In this case, I'd done that with the DT!, and left the text in place in the entry for the other dissection. Luckily, Snake caught it fast, and I was able to fix it before only him and Dominik (who hadn't caught it, apparently) had read the column. It was only within minutes of my publishing it, so no harm done, except robbing Snakebyte from his glory of catching the DT!, but he'll get an extra badge for that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Snakebyte also noticed a word missing from my retraction last column; he gets yet another badge, two more and he makes Commodore. That lad is a rising star!
<-------------------------------->
"EMPRIE."

TITLE: Empire (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Mark Waid (writer) and/or Comicraft (letterer).

DISSECTION: One of those dissections from my vault; to reach the minimum ten entries per column. This is a book which started publication in 2000 at Image, but it then stopped publication and only started again at DC in 2003. I recommend you hunt it down, there's even a TPB by DC. The dissection, in this case, is that one of the characters, Sebirus, is called "Serbius".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"EL PUNISHER."

TITLE: The Punisher V7 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 62.

CULPRIT: Greg Hurwitz (writer) and/or Laurence Cambpell (artist).

DISSECTION: There's a building labeled "Almacenamiento General De Parque"; when it should be "Del Parque".

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. Also, an Ñ is the wrong size.
<-------------------------------->
"HOLY BOOTS."

TITLE: Rann/Thanagar Holy War (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 08.

CULPRIT: Ron Lim (penciller) and/or John Kalisz (colorist).

DISSECTION: Yep, you've guessed it, Animal Man's boots.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OHNOES, SINGER CAN'T FIGHT!"

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 502.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction & Ed Brubaker (writers).

DISSECTION: Cyclop's file Karma says he's not sure how she'll do now that the team's taken a more militaristic approach. Well, not only has Dazzler been a proven member of the X-Men in trying times, but she's also fought a war to free Mojoworld. So yes Cyke, she's more prepared than emotionally imbalanced (though cute) Pixie or your own girlfriend, Emma Frost, who used to be the X-Men's ENEMY. Pfft...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. As another note, Wolverine's car should be a "Maserati", not "Masarati".
<-------------------------------->
This column has an average of 5.9 Bazzars in ten dissections; an usual average. You want the Moments Of The Week? Happy to oblige. First up; a fun Atomic Robo moment that shows why I say it's like classic Hellboy:


Diapers, hehe. Next up, as I said before, Constantine and Santa:


YES! He's ground up St. Nick's bones and snorts them! Hell of a spell!!! Then, what happens when you run around with Greek gods?


Exactly! Now, Blue Beetle's legal guardians:


Okay, what a weird family unit.. Last, Cyclops knows when to be a leader, and when to be a big brother:


And yes, Rockslide is such a softy! Skin of stone, heart of putty, I love him in a non-gay way! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #92.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Think Sadie. Think... What would the Beastie Boys do? SABOTAGE, BABY!" Sadie Hawkings, Young Liars #7.

Here we are with the column for comics released on the week of 09/10; I'll start by apologizing, since I was wrong. The DT! is dissection at all... I thought the verb "to lie" was being used incorrectly. My bad; and the average actually goes down to 3.5...

The Dissector's Picks OF The Week are quite simple so I'll keep it simple; Best Book Of The Week is Star Trek: Mirror Image #3; a good look at the mirror universe Picard, while Worst Book Of The Week was the deplorable ending to an overall boring book, GeNext #5. Your dissections, as follows:
<-------------------------------->
"FIRE!"

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 571.

CULPRIT: Dan Slott (writer).

DISSECTION: The Radioactive Man raises the radiation levels "until the air around (anti-Venom) ignites in flames"... I don't know a lot about radiation, but nothing I can see tells me that that's even possible.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. If I'm wrong, and someone can scientifically argue that it is possible, I will retract, but I think it's a ball of baloney.
<-------------------------------->
"SPECIAL EFFECTS."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 88.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I just noticed I credited Guru as Guru FX, when it's Guru EFX or eFX.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M LAYING."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 91.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: So I screwed up, and cried "dissect this!" when there was nothing to dissect... the worst thing was confusing the verb usage.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"..."

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Jordan D. White (assistant editor) & Mark Paniccia (editor).

DISSECTION: Morph.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PRAYING IN ALL THE WRONG LANGUAGES,"

TITLE: Secret Invasion: X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).

DISSECTION: A Skrull device tells Nightcrawler "lasset uns beten", for "let us pray together, but I checked with my friend Santiago and "lass uns beten" is the right phrase, or even "lass uns zusammen beten".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BOLT OF HAIR DYE."

TITLE: Secret Invasion: Inhumans (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Guru EFX (colorist).

DISSECTION: Again, Black Bolt's hair is colored incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FAKE MOON RISING."

TITLE: Star Trek: Romulans The Hollow Crown (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 02.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).

DISSECTION: The Romulan Praetor speaks about a "third moon" of Romulus, and there's no such thing. Romulus has one moon in canonical sources, and semi-canonical sources has it with two.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars; there's no need for that.
<-------------------------------->
"ROMULAN DISSECTION EMPIRE."

TITLE: Star Trek: Romulans The Hollow Crown (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 02.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).

DISSECTION: This one is definitely wrong, I promise!


DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S STILL NOT A COSTUME."

TITLE: Trinity (DC).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Mark Bagley (penciller).

DISSECTION: Wonder Girl's boots and pants are drawn incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THICK AND RICH."

TITLE: Wolverine: Saudade (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Jean-David Morvan (writer).

DISSECTION: Wolverine's claws are definitely not "less than a millimeter thick".

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DAS MAGENTIKTESTAMENTEN."

TITLE: X-Men: Magneto Testament (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Greg Pak (writer).

DISSECTION: Dominik once more comes to my German-language assistance: "The German in this book is garbage. So much for historical accuracy. “Ich habe deußtscher Mädchen geßchändet” is just plain horrible. If you boldly claim that you did historical research and all that, you can’t tell me that you didn’t figure out how to spell “Deutsche” or “geschändet.” You should at least have come across the word “Rassenschande” and “Deutsches Reich” at those places you reference in the back of the book. Seriously, if you just pretend to speak German after listening to Rammstein Songs and talking to that old Nazi that lives in the trailer park near you, you don’t go around talking big that you did serious research.

For all those interested, the Esszett is a letter exclusive to Germany and is basically a substitute for the Double-S. So it’s not “Missachtung” (disrespect), it’s “Mißachtung.”" And that's what I call a guest rant... as for the book, I was scared that an origin story for Magneto would be horrible, but except for the wrong German usage, it was pretty good.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for each of the mistakes.
<-------------------------------->
So this makes for a 7.4 Bazzars average in fifteen dissections, much more "healthy", innit? Well, here are the Moments Of The Week. First up, Wonder Woman's apetastic advisors:


Funny! Then, "my god has a hammer":


Great scene! And for our ending:


You don't mess with Norman Osborn while using equipment you swiped from him! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #82.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Hurry the fuck up down there! Do I need to remind yeh this's an invasion? Like with pointy swords and people dying and shit?" Unnamed Saxxon commander in the 1100s, Northlanders #7.

Well, that quote up there really broke the suspension of disbelief for me with this book. I don't expect characters in a comic to speak old Norse or whatnot, but there are some things that just don't do it... I almost considered this, and another use of the word "fuck" as dissections; but I realized they were just tools the writer uses to carry across emotional points. Last column's DT! was guessed by Sully; it was that Spider-Woman's eyes should be green and not blue. Also, the anonymous poster that spotted my "Beast Boy/Cyborg" error from column #80 calls himself DrSilent.

Now, we've had some creator sightings for the last two columns: within one day, I get two creators to rebuke dissections, good! First, the lovely and talented Christina Strain, colorist for Runaways among other things, drops by the comments for column #81 and says: "Victor's eyes have always been green. People just seem to assume they're brown. And I'm positive about this because I picked the original color for them back when he was introduced into the series."

CeeCee (can I call you that?), thanks for stopping by; I'll bow to you on this (hell, you're such a good colorist, and such a beautiful woman, that I'd bow to you anyway!). I should have checked a comic book first; but the only sources I had on hand were wikis, both Marvel Universe and Marvel Database, and they both had him with brown eyes... also, Jo Chen colors Victor's eyes brown on covers. My bad, I've edited those wiki pages following your authoritative information. Digging up my Marvel Handbook to see what it says there... yup, "hazel", but I'm still retracting on it.

Once more, thanks for stopping by, and keep up the good work, I'm a fan of your stuff, you bring life to these characters with your colorings, and Runaways is one of my favorite comics of the last few years. Afterwards, CeeCee stopped by again and said: "Thanks! *thumbs up* Sorry for sounding so short btw. I think that's why I'm so touchy about it, you're not the only person to mention the green eyes. Even an editor or two's asked me, "aren't they brown???"" Thank you CeeCee; you need to let Marvel know they've got his eyes wrong, they even have it wrong in their own references.

Then, the comments section for column #81 is graced by Dwayne McDuffie, writer of the current Justice League of America and classics like Damage Control, saying: "Iron Man sported repellor rays first (check your Marvel Essentials), introducing repulsors shortly after unveiling his red and gold armor. Originally, the terms were used interchangeably. Eventually, repulsors referred to his primary offensive weapon, while the increasingly-rarely used repellors became just that, magnetic, metal repelling rays, reverse tractor beams, if you will. I don't remember the story, but I'm guessing Iron Man used the repellors to push some metal away, right?"

He signs "The Culprit", so I'm guessing he took it in good humor (same as CeeCee, and I can't stress enough how much respect I have for comic book creators). Thanks for leaving that comment Dwayne; I've never seen that referenced anywhere, but I'll take your word for it. I've been reading Avengers Classics (plus old Marvel comics for the past 20+ years), but I don't remember "repellors", nor can I find a reference anywhere in the intarwebz.

Again, I'll take your word for it, and retract. Hey, did you know you'd won (all in good humor, of course) one of the Autopsy Awards for last year? And that you accepted it wearing a Green Lantern costume? Thanks for stopping by, and let me say that I've loved your Damage Control books, and I'm having fun reading your JLA run.

So, those two retractions bump the average for column 80 to 5.0 and 5.7 for column 81. And now, the Dissector's Pick Of The Week!!!! This is the first week of July, 07/02, Best Book Of The Week is Hellblazer Special: Chas #1; a good start for a mini with Constantine's favorite cabbie, good art, and a good concept about the original cab drivers of London binding a demon with their routes. Worst Book Of The Week, on the other hand, goes to Supergirl #31; not a bad comic per se, but too little is told in this issue, it's a waste. Now, the dissections:
<-------------------------------->
"ATOMIC EYES."

TITLE: All-New Atom (DC).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Alex Bleyaert (colorist).

DISSECTION: I'm sorry to see this book end; although it was much more fun when Gail wrote it. In this case, Ray Palmer's eyes are colored incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE BEAST REARS ITS FEET AGAIN!"

TITLE: Astonishing X-Men V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Simone Bianchi (artist).

DISSECTION: Beast.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, when they talk about the alien starship graveyard, there seems to be a page missing.
<-------------------------------->
"MOST THE DISSECTIONS..."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 81.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Yes Snakebyte, I made a booboo and wrote "most the Italian language" instead of "most of the..."

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH, GROW UP... OR SHRINK..."

TITLE: The Legion of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 43.

CULPRIT: Jim Shooter (writer).

DISSECTION: Colossal Boy's powers, as usual.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THIS IS MAKING ME HORNEE."

TITLE: Linger (Virgin Comics).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Shamik Dasgupta (writer) and/or Nilesh P. Kudale (letterer).

DISSECTION: Food can be an "aphrodisiac", not "aphrodesiac".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TXTING NORSEMEN."

TITLE: Northlanders (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Brian Wood (writer) and/or Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: So, in the 1100s you "plnt" your feet to defend your "communinty"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"HOLY DISSECTION."

TITLE: Rann/Thanagar Holy War (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Ron Lim (penciller) and/or John Kalisz (colorist).

DISSECTION: Besides the horrible art, see if you spot the dissection here:

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NEW YORK, NEW YORK!!!"

TITLE: Secret Invasion: Front Line (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Brian Reed (writer).

DISSECTION: It is said in narration boxes that "(...) the average New Yorker still might only see Spider-Man or the Fantastic Four once, maybe twice, in a lifetime.", but that's not believable, not with the amount of exposition you see in the comics. It's like living in Hollywood, and frequenting the posh areas where celebrities go and never seeing one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YER WRONG!"

TITLE: Star Trek: Assignment: Earth (IDW).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer) and/or Robbie Robins (letterer).

DISSECTION: "You're" is used instead of "your".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PINK SKINS, LIKE THE ANDORIAN CALL HUMANS..."

TITLE: Star Trek: New Frontier (IDW).

ISSUE: 04 of 05.

CULPRIT: Leonard O'Grady (colorist).

DISSECTION: Yet again, Kallinda Cwan's skin is pink, instead of red, as Thallonian skin is.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
And a new column comes close to an end; with an average of 5.5 Bazzars in thirteen dissections, a predictably low average. Moments Of The Week! First up, someone finally remembers how to spell his codename:

Thanks to artist Marco Checchetto; he needs to let writer Koslowski know. Second and last MOT, a Vulcan (or half-Vulcan) admits what we all knew:

Meh, she's probably just being sarcastic; she is half-Romulan, after all. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #80.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"If there's one place I didn't feel like going tonight, it's Jersey. I might have to stop and get a map... and a mullet." Spider-Man, Amazing Spider-Man #563.

Once more, here we are, trying to catch up. This column contains dissections for the week of 06/18, plus one from the vault, to complete the minimum ten dissections per column. The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week was Incredible Hercules #117, you know why, hehehe; and the Worst Book was Kill All Parents #1 (one-shot, really)... just plain awful. Nobody picked up the DT! from last column; so I might as well spill it: Guy Gardner's boots were colored white, instead of green.

Before we go on to the dissections, one more thing. Last column I considered it a mistake when in Star Wars: Rebellion #15 Able called Luke a General. And it was. But I was wrong; because it was Able's mistake, not Jeremy Barlow's (the writer) mistake. Able is a clone trooper, who, in #16 calls Luke a General again, and when Skywalker asks if they gave up instant promotions during The Clone Wars, Able answers that to him "all Jedi were generals". To be fair, this explanation was suggested to me by my friend Chuck, and I just laughed. So, here's my retraction; although the average for last week doesn't change, the math adds up to the same.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S IN HER EYES, THAT'S WHERE IT IS!"

TITLE: Batman And The Outsiders V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Marta Martinez (colorist).

DISSECTION: Grace has red eyes here; while she could be wearing different contacts, I'm guessing it's a mistake.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"EVERYBODY'S DED."

TITLE: Everybody's Dead (IDW).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Brian Lynch (writer) and/or Amauri Osorio (letterer).

DISSECTION: The word "embarrassing" is spelled "embarressing".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"WRONG TAXICAB."

TITLE: Hellblazer (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 245.

CULPRIT: Sean Murphy (artist).

DISSECTION: Chas Chandler is shown, and apparently, Sean Murphy has never seen the character, because he looks nothing like he should.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IRON PERSON."

TITLE: Iron Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 251.

CULPRIT: Dwayne McDuffie (writer).

DISSECTION: Iron Man's repulsor rays are called "repellor rays".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. This dissection is from 1989, blast from the past!
<-------------------------------->
"OH, YEAH, I'VE BEEN WORKING OUT."

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Ed Benes (artist).

DISSECTION: The Doom Patrol's Niles Caulder, aka The Chief is an old man with no physical super powers, but he's drawn here wider and more muscular than Batman himself.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GREEN LANTERN, NOT GREEN HEADLIGHTS."

TITLE: Tangent: Superman's Reign (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 12.

CULPRIT: Dom Regan (colorist).

DISSECTION: No Dom, Jon Stewart's eyes are not green, that's in the cartoon.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HE KICKS SO FAST HIS BOOT CHANGES COLOR!"

TITLE: Teen Titans: Year One (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: John Rauch (colorist).

DISSECTION: Batman sneaks up on Aqualad and Kid Flash, and the latter is kicked either by Batman or Robin, but with a yellow boot.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE LAUGHING MUSK."

TITLE: The Twelve (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06 of 12.

CULPRIT: J. Michael Straczynski (writer) and/or Comicraft's Jimmy Betancourt (letterer).

DISSECTION: Laughing Mask is called first Dennis Burton (correct name), and one panel later, "Barton".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTION TRINITY."

TITLE: Trinity (DC).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Kurt Busiek (writer).

DISSECTION: Guess this one!

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LOOKING IN BIG GREEN EYES..."

TITLE: Trinity (DC).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Pete Pantazis (colorist).

DISSECTION: Pete, Pete, Pete. I've told you in the past, Jon Stewart's eyes are NOT green, that's in the JLU toon!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. He's been warned already.
<-------------------------------->
Low average week, at 5.2 Bazzars in 10 dissections... uneventful column, really, but there's bound to be one of those every now and then. Two Moments Of The Week to end this column, first up, not the only reason why Incredible Hercules was my favorite book of the week, but still:

Yeah! I rule!!!!! Last but not least, Cyborg flies into an enemy's cybernetic body transformed into a small insect, only to emerge seconds later.... SHIFTING TO A BUFFALO!!!

Hardcore!!!! That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #59.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Standing around talking feels a lot like standing around talking. When does Pete get to throw me at something?" Wolverine, summing up the "joys" of decompression, Astonishing X-Men V3 #24.

I have to start this column with a retraction; as Namor's appearance in the Order's issue for the week of 01/23 (week dissected in this column) shows that his involvement in this book is not a continuity goof. I won't go to the trouble of recalculating average for that column months ago, and I won't modify it, as too long has passed. But I do admit my mistakes, don't say I don't. Incidentally, last column's Dissect This! was found by Sully, and it was that there's no checkers board in the first panel, so here's your Badge, and welcome Ensign Sully to the HDSC!

Let's get them Dissector's Picks Of The Week out of the way, starting with the Best Book Of The Week. It was none less than Amazing Spider-Man #548, Brand New Day be damned! While we might disagree with the plot device, and as I said, we know it's going to be changed back to normal eventually, this new Spidey format and status quo is giving us fun stories. Dan Slott writes his usual fast-paced action and witty dialogue, while Steve McNiven gives us excellent art, coupled with nice inking by Dexter Vines and good coloring by Dave Stewart.

And the Worst Book Of The Week? Predictably, Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Borg. Andrew Steven Harris writes a generic tale about the Borg that not only is boring and unmemorable (I had to strain myself to remember what it was about, and I only read it a month and a week ago), but repetitive: Borg traveling back in time to change history. Ho-hum. And while the art by Sean Murphy is marginally better than the rest of the art in IDW's Trek line (and Leonard O'Grady's colors remind me a bit of Bill Sienkiewicz' work, barely), it still doesn't cut it. Why would anyone think poorly detailed art is good for a product such as Star Trek?!?!? Let's cut this rant short, and go onto the dissections.
<-------------------------------->
"IN COMMUNIST RUSSIA, THINKING DOES YOU."

TITLE: Astonishing X-Men V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Joss Whedon (writer) and/or Chris Eliopoulos (letterer).

DISSECTION: Colossus says "I am not great thinker."... what? Did he just learn English or something? ARGH! And they dare to make us wait until... until "Coming soon!" for the conclusion in Giant Size Astonishing X-Men #1?!??!! NOOOOO!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, character heights are screwed up.
<-------------------------------->
"VLU VEETEL"

TITLE: Blue Beetle V7 (DC).

ISSUE: 23.

CULPRIT: John Rogers (writer) and/or Swands (yes, like that, letterer).

DISSECTION: Great book, I always say it... but it's "vamonos", not "vamanos".

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HANGING BY A THREAD..."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Tom Chu (colorist).

DISSECTION: At first I thought Donna Troy had produced a lasso out of thin air, but then I saw that in the previous panels, she has it looped around her waist. However, there's still some yellow thread in her waist while she's already waving the lasso around.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SORRY, NO BACKUPS!"

TITLE: Gotham Underground (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 09.

CULPRIT: Frank Tieri (writer).

DISSECTION: Oracle's five or six monitors get destroyed; just the ones in front of her, and she says she's out business. What, she can't hook up another monitor? She doesn't have about, hum, I don't know, three or four backup systems at the very least?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE GAME IS ONLY A PROP TO FIDDLE WITH WHILE WE PLAN OUR ESCAPE."

TITLE: Marvel Comics Presents V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Tony Washington (colorist, Wrecking Crew story).

DISSECTION: From last week, Snakebyte spotted that in one of the panels, the checkers are placed on the wrong squares.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SHA-HULK!"

TITLE: She-Hulk V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Peter David (writer) and/or Dave Sharpe (letterer).

DISSECTION: In the back-up story, She-Hulk says "than" instead of "then".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S THE DMZ ALL OVER AGAIN!"

TITLE: Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Borg (IDW).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Andrew Steven Harris (writer).

DISSECTION: Still not impressed by any of these IDW Star Trek books, much less by this one. A human colony world inside the Federation-Romulan Neutral Zone? Doubtful, extremely doubtful.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BRIDGE DESIGNED BY RM ESCHER."

TITLE: Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Borg (IDW).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Sean Murphy (artist).

DISSECTION: The bridge design of the Enterprise-E is a bit funky, though I can't find specific evidence to say that it's wrong; just a bit skewed. However, Murphy's perspectives are screwed up, as in the wide-angle shot of the bridge, we can see that the Captain's chair is not behind the Conn and Ops consoles (which are located at the forefront of the bridge), and Picard is in fact seen at odd angles from a "shot" past Data....

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO LET THE BLIND GUY DRIVE?"

TITLE: Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Borg (IDW).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Andrew Steven Harris (writer) and/or Sean Murphy (artist).

DISSECTION: There are few reasons why a Chief Engineer will be on the bridge if he's not in command of the ship, but Geordi is here. That's not a problem, as perhaps his current semi-assimilated status he is not in command of his section. However, why would he be seating at the Conn console, as pilot? Yes, I know, it's his old job... but why would he be piloting the ship, which is as dangerous (or more)? He could be in Engineering, not in charge, but at least contributing with his invaluable expertise.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SCISSOR SIBLINGS."

TITLE: Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Borg (IDW).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Sean Murphy (artist).

DISSECTION: Did I say the art was marginally better? Well, the word "marginally" is the operative one in that sentence, and it's sometimes in the outer margin of "better". Look below:


What the hell are those? They look like those scissor men from Grant Morrison's Doom Patrol!

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. There are other, minor plot and art dissections.
<-------------------------------->
"THE STRIPPER IS STILL AROUND."

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 45.

CULPRIT: Michael Green (writer).

DISSECTION: Starfire is one of the heroes helping Superman and Batman round up all the Kryptonite in the world. She can't be there, as she doesn't have her powers back yet, this obviously being before the end of Countdown To Adventure.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, Martian Manhunter's "costume" is colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"KRYPTON?"

TITLE: Superman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Tim Sale (artist).

DISSECTION: Depictions of Krypton and of Jor-El do not match either pre-Birthright, Birthright, nor post-Infinite Crisis depictions of the same.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SHE LEAVES AND COMES BACK."

TITLE: Wonder Woman V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Nachie Castro (associate editor) and/or Matt Idelson (editor).

DISSECTION: The "next in..." section in the last page of the book says that Wonder Woman must "return to Paradise Island"... when she's already there!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECT-X!"

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 207.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: Alright, dissect this one... it's not Beast or Cyclone, but it's become a recurrent one:


And no, it's not the lack of detail in X-23's eyes, which I just spotted... I'm going to check every Dissect This! image in order to find those that escape me, as they usual do, and are found by loyal HDSC.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. And also, Warpath's knives look nothing like they should.
<-------------------------------->
So, we had a below-usual 5.7 Bazzar average, in 20 dissections total... there were a couple of 10s, but there were low ratings like a 1 and some 3s or 4s. Moments Of The Week! First up, one of the useless Legion Rejects of all times, ladies and gentlebeings, I give you.... FRUIT BOY!!!


Puns on his name AND costume are forbidden... too easy. Next, Blue Beetle Jaime Reyes asks himself a question:


What Would Ted Kord Do?! Jaime has more brains that a lot of experienced heroes... Lastly, the new Black Goliath gets pwnd by the man who's faced Dr. Doom himself... Bart, from Damage Control:


Hehe... That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #53.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"HHAAAAHH!! MAKES BALLS REVOLVE LIKE SPINNING DERVISHES...!" Vas, aka "Love Sausage", former Soviet superhero, after taking a drink of his homebrewn booze, which, appropriately, has a skull and crossbones for label.

Well, sort of time this week, and let's dive straight into this. Both Dominik and Miss Kitty Fantastico made the Dissect This! from last column, and it was of course the fact that the Wasp had wings at normal size; when she only has wings while shrunk. Badge for both of them! Rock-Me Amodeo added that 616 Wasp has experimented with retaining her wings as she grows back to full size, getting to keep them at some 54 inches tall, and also, her powers might work differently in the Ultimate universe, being a mutant, she could have also had a progression of her powers or a secondary mutation. That's why it had a relatively low rating.

The Autopsy Awards have plenty of votes now, but I'm still keeping the voting open until the end of the year. The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book is for the oversized Green Lantern V4 #25, part of the final wave of the Sinestro Corps War, along with the also great Green Lantern Corps V2 #19, and the less-fantastic-but-still-good Tales Of The Sinestro Corps: Ion (which were epilogues, actually). I've said time and again, Geoff Johns is the best thing to happen to the Green Lantern mythos since the mid-80s, and he still has more in store for us. The way he choreographs the action, and mixes it with the more personal moments (as you'll see in the Moments Of The Week), coupled with his great understanding of the characters, gives us a very solid and entertaining story.

His partners in crime, Ivan Reis and Ethan Van Sciver handle the pencilling duties, along with the inks of Oclair Albert, Julio Ferreira and Ivan Reis himself, and the colors of Moose Baumann and Rod Reis. The distinct style of both pencillers, and the separate work of the inkers and colorists does not make you feel you're reading one of those end-of-saga issues where one penciller wasn't enough and you can (painfully) see the differences in the artists' styles, no matter how good they're on their own. In fact, only George Pérez, the man himself for macro-scale superhero battles, gets better than this, and I dare say, that for a Green Lantern finale, Van Sciver and Ivan Reis are a better choice George Pérez. In fact, Ethan Van Sciver was born to pencil Green Lantern. As usual, not much to say about the lettering, but Rob Leigh does his usual good job.

Now, the Worst Book of the week, is not an entirely awful comic, but a disappointing second issue of a mini. I'm talking about Salvation Run #02. Bill Willingham's script is flat, there's no character development, and very little plot advancement, save for the end, when Lex Luthor finally shows up to take over. Sean Chen's art is good, but John Kalisz colors are too bright for a book comprised mostly of supervillains, and it just doesn't cut it for me. Not an awful book, but the worst I read this week.
<-------------------------------->
"I ATOM SMASHED MY HAIR AND EYES INTO ANOTHER COLOR."

TITLE: Black Adam: The Dark Age (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Nathan Eyring (colorist).

DISSECTION: Atom Smasher's hair is colored blonde, when it's red, and his eyes are almost grey, instead of blue (but I'm counting this as one dissection). Last issue he had black hair and black eyes, so Eyring can't even keep his own mistakes straight.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DO SVIDANIA KOMRADE PRESIDENTSKY!"

TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Red Son (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Alan Burnett (writer).

DISSECTION: Bob says about the history of this Earth-30 that "Superman became (...) after Stalin died, the new Soviet President." Problem is, at least in the real world, there was no such position until March, 1990 (and only until December, 1991), created specifically for Mikhail Gorbachev to occupy. Before that, the head of state of the USSR (commonly referred to in the West as "Premier") was the Chairman of the Central Executive Committee of the USSR (1922-1938), Chairman of the Presidium of the Supreme Soviet (1938-1989), and Chairman of the Supreme Soviet in (1989-1990).

Yes, this is an alternate Earth, and even the "regular" DC Earth is alternate to our own, but this doesn't stop me from believing that Burnett didn't bother doing some research on the USSR.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YOU SURE HE'S HERE?"

TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Red Son (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Alan Burnett (writer), or actually, Jeanine Schaefer (editor for this book) and Elisabeth V. Gherlein & Mike Carlin (assistant editor and editor for Countdown To Final Crisis).

DISSECTION: So, if in issue #20 of Countdown To Final Crisis Bob said he knew where Ray Palmer is, why are they in Earth-30, and Ray isn't, and why isn't there any mention of that in this issue?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NAZILANDIA ÜBER ALL IS!"

TITLE: Countdown: Arena (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Keith Champagne (writer).

DISSECTION: Dominik B. reported a total of six dissections (yes Dom, six, I'm counting the Führer/Führerin one) in this book, all incorrect uses or spelling of German words and phrases used by a Nazi version of the Ray. Dominik says "I found another one… actually, quite a number. Lots of stupid Kraut in there. Can it hurt to actually ask one German person to do the Kraut for them? I mean, I’d gladly offer myself if they ask. For free, even."

At one point, to use one as example, wants to curse saying and says "I say verdammt noch Gott", which probably means "I say goddamnit". However, the phrase he uses isn't correct at all, it should be "Gottverdammt". Many of these errors can be explained a way by saying that the Ray is not German at all, but an American who wants to be in the Nazi regime's good side by trying to speak German. Still, some errors are lettering errors, like using "ä" instead of "a".

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars for this one. Just the one badge for Dom, though.... or not, let's give him two badges, which together with the one he got for the Dissect This! give him a total of 7, making him a Lieutenant in the HDSC. Congratulations!
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT WAS I SAYING?"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Jared K. Fletcher (letterer)

DISSECTION: On page 10, third panel, second caption box from the bottom, the sentence reads "{Whew}... And I thought I" and there's nothing else, there's a blank line, and the next caption box implies there was more to that sentence. Plus, and not a dissection, why would they use braces "{ }", instead of regular parentheses? There's another lettering and/or writing dissection reported by Brecht, in page 8 they spell "Moinitors". Oh, and no Mary Marvel boot heels either, plus a problem with Una's costume.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars for the incomplete sentence.
<-------------------------------->
"SOMETIMES I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE HERE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 51.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: In the "Welcome to Latveria" moment of the week I wrote "It's like Lee/Kirby villain team up!", when it should have been "It's like a..."

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"THE STRIPPER! AGAIN!"

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer) and/or Ivan Reis (penciller pages 1-7 and 12-47).

DISSECTION: As mentioned before, great ending to the Sinestro Corps War saga, and it's only the beginning. Starfire appears on a battle scene on page 15, with superpowers. No resolution has been given to the Countdown to Adventure storyline, so I'll still assume she has no powers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NO RING CHARGE? "LET'S JUST JOHN WAYNE OUR WAY OUT OF THIS ONE!"

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Again Geoff Johns insists on Green Lanterns not being able to recharge their rings because they don't have their lanterns with them. They can carry the lantern inside the ring. Geoff, just a couple of panels showing them losing the lanterns in mid-battle, or some mumbo-jumbo about too much yellow energy interference would have been enough for the hand-to-hand encounter with Sinestro.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"442 RINGS TO RULE THEM ALL!"

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: The Green Lantern Corps lost 442 members, and our favorite picklehead is shown forging new rings. Thing is, the rings of the dead lanterns, at least many of them, were shown flying off to their respective sectors to look for replacement corps members. Also, as far as I know, the Guardians themselves forged rings, if things have changed, they should specify that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GREEN DISSECTION."

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer) and/or Phil Balsman (letterer).

DISSECTION: Nice and easy, veeery easy. Look at the panel below, and find it.


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OUT OF COSTUME."

TITLE: Green Arrow / Black Canary (DC).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Cliff Chiang (penciller/inker).

DISSECTION: Again, Speedy and Black Canary's costumes are wrong. Also, Speedy's eyes are colored brown instead of blue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars on the costumes (each of them).
<-------------------------------->
"GREEK GODS CAN BE VENGEFUL."

TITLE: Hybrid Bastards (Archaia Studios Press).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Tom Pinchuk (writer) and/or uncredited letterer.

DISSECTION: Zeus' name is spelled "Zues" on page five. I know you kind of pronounce it like that in English (or rather, like "zoos", although the correct Greek pronunciation would be "Zefs", with a strong "f"), but that doesn't mean you write it like you pronounce it.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ANOTHER STAND-IN!"

TITLE: New Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 37.

CULPRIT: Dave McCaig (colorist).

DISSECTION: Wolverine's eyes are colored brown again. And yes, it turns out that all the back-up the New Avengers had were part of an illusion cast by Dr. Strange; so I retract on all the dissections related to that in column #49, except for the one about Howard the Duck. So, I recalculated the average for that column... and it went up, from 6.0 to 6.3!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BODY SNATCHER."

TITLE: Nightwing (DC).

ISSUE: 139.

CULPRIT: Carlos Rodríguez (penciller).

DISSECTION: In the last page, R'as al Ghul is depicted in his original body, when he had already "migrated" into one of Nanda Parbat's monks. He doesn't even show any sings of decay. Also, his skin is colored normally, instead of the sickly green it was, and his eyes are colored blue, when they've been usually shown as green lately.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars for the pencilling dissection.
<-------------------------------->
"THAT'S NOT THE METALLO I KNOW... IT'S HIS SURFING COUSIN, BOBBY "DUDE" CORBEN."

TITLE: Salvation Run (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 07.

CULPRIT: Bill Willingham (writer) and Sean Chen (penciller).

DISSECTION: I'm counting this as just one dissection, but since when does Metallo: 1) Have a new human-looking body (yes, this could be a recent development not shown "in camera"), 2) Mantain an "internal log" a la Star Trek, and 3) RIDE A HOVERING SURFBOARD?!??!?!?!?!!?!?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S THE SENILITY SPEAKING."

TITLE: Spider-Man Family (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Tom Belland (writer for "Endangered").

DISSECTION: Aunt May says that when she sees Peter, she can see his father, and it's like "having her brother in the room". However, as most people know (and a writer working on a Spider-Man story should definitely know), May's not blood-related to Peter, Ben Parker was the brother of Richard Parker, father to Peter.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH, THE PAIN!"

TITLE: Ultimate Iron-Man II (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Orson Scott Card (writer).

DISSECTION: One of the characters, a villain, is called "Dolores", claiming that it means "pain". No, it means "pains", "pain" would be "dolor"; plus, Whiplash says that "In America, it's a girly name."; well, in Spanish, it's also a female name.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"RUNNING THE GAUNTLET."

TITLE: X-Factor V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Scot Eaton (penciller).

DISSECTION: Surge's gauntlets don't look like they should; plus, as a separate dissection, her uniform doesn't look like it should.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars for the gauntlets.
<-------------------------------->
"EMPORER OF THE MARVEL MULTIVERSE!"

TITLE: X-Men: Die By The Sword (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Jordan D. White (assistant editor) and/or Mark Paniccia (senior editor).

DISSECTION: On the first page, where a recap and a cast of characters is presented, of the new members of the Exiles is a version of Rogue... but her name's spelled ROUGE.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Absolutely no less, no way.
<-------------------------------->
"QUILL BILL."

TITLE: X-Men: Die By The Sword (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: On page 23, Blink says she had to use a "full quill of her lances", doesn't she mean "quiver"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars
<-------------------------------->
The average sure went up this week, to a 6.8 Bazzars. Moments Of The Week, now, most of them are Green Lantern related, due to the great finale of the Sinestro Corps War. But first, a non-GL moment:


So, Captain Marvel kills?! Next up, Hal Jordan asks his family to evacuate Coast City when the Sinestro Corps take the battle to his town, but they refuse to leave, and so do the rest of the population. Not only that, but they show their support for the Corps:


Cool. Then, after the battle, the city gets nicknamed "The City Without Fear", and population starts to grow. You see what I said about those quiet, personal moments Johns knows how to handle? And now, look at a battle moment:


Guardians of the Universe directly attacking an enemy? Now that's something new. Peter Tomasi also knows how to write some nice non-action moments too, and his artists certainly capture it:


Too bad the reunion with Ice (after that kiss) didn't go as smooth as Guy Gardner planned. Now, the last of the GL moments, and it's even more incredible than the Guardians fighting:


It's the Guardians APOLOGIZING!!! Enough Green Lanterns for now (shya!), let's see how Darkseid deals with his underlings. Omega beams? Nope:


PIMPSLAPPING! Last, but not least, when your superhero costume doesn't fit, don't wear it:


That's "Love Sausage", from our Quote Of The Week. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

PS: Oh, right, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!