DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"Innocents in peril are the opiate of the masks." The Joker, Birds Of Prey V2 #122.
Here we are, with the column for books released on 09/17, taking us halfway into the month of September, and almost, almost caught up. I'll start with a new retraction; turns out the German in Secret Invasion: X-Men was correct, although "biblical" in style. Thus, the average for last column changes, going up to 7.5 Bazzars. Thanks to Dominik for pointing this out, he earns himself another badge.
Nobody spotted the DT!, but more on that later. The Dissector's Pick Of The Week were quite easy; Best Book Of The Week was the stupendous Hellblazer #243, a book that almost always pays off. John Constantine STEALS SANTICLAUS' BONES, fer cryin' out loud! What more could you want? Well, if you read it, you know what else happens... if you don't, check out the moments of the week. Then there's the Worst Book Of The Week; which is Checkmate V2 #30, even beating Dreamwar, but not by a lot, because of it's boredom-inducing qualities. There, off you go to the dissections now, jolly good chaps!
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"DREAMSSECTION."
TITLE: DC/Wildstorm Dreamwar (DC/Wildstorm).
ISSUE: 06 of 06.
CULPRIT: Lee Garbett (penciller).
DISSECTION: This one's actually a bit difficult, but discerning readers can spot it.
DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars, it's an "imaginary" Hal, so. Also, Alan Scott's hair is colored brown instead of blond,.
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"MOVING AROUND."
TITLE: DC Universe: Decisions (DC).
ISSUE: 01 of 04.
CULPRIT: Rick Leonardi (penciller)
DISSECTION: Lois Lane's and Clark Kent's apartment looks nothing like it's been depicted in Superman's books.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"DISSECTING IN PLAIN VIEW."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 92.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: Big boo-boo, detected by Snakebyte, my own Dissector. I normally decide the DT! after writing up all of the dissections; and I go back and delete the write up for the one I decide will be used for that feature. You know how I also don't give some dissections full entries, and just mention them (sometimes just barely) within the context of a more interesting one. In this case, I'd done that with the DT!, and left the text in place in the entry for the other dissection. Luckily, Snake caught it fast, and I was able to fix it before only him and Dominik (who hadn't caught it, apparently) had read the column. It was only within minutes of my publishing it, so no harm done, except robbing Snakebyte from his glory of catching the DT!, but he'll get an extra badge for that.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Snakebyte also noticed a word missing from my retraction last column; he gets yet another badge, two more and he makes Commodore. That lad is a rising star!
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"EMPRIE."
TITLE: Empire (DC).
ISSUE: 01 of 06.
CULPRIT: Mark Waid (writer) and/or Comicraft (letterer).
DISSECTION: One of those dissections from my vault; to reach the minimum ten entries per column. This is a book which started publication in 2000 at Image, but it then stopped publication and only started again at DC in 2003. I recommend you hunt it down, there's even a TPB by DC. The dissection, in this case, is that one of the characters, Sebirus, is called "Serbius".
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"EL PUNISHER."
TITLE: The Punisher V7 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 62.
CULPRIT: Greg Hurwitz (writer) and/or Laurence Cambpell (artist).
DISSECTION: There's a building labeled "Almacenamiento General De Parque"; when it should be "Del Parque".
DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. Also, an Ñ is the wrong size.
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"HOLY BOOTS."
TITLE: Rann/Thanagar Holy War (DC).
ISSUE: 05 of 08.
CULPRIT: Ron Lim (penciller) and/or John Kalisz (colorist).
DISSECTION: Yep, you've guessed it, Animal Man's boots.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"OHNOES, SINGER CAN'T FIGHT!"
TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).
ISSUE: 502.
CULPRIT: Matt Fraction & Ed Brubaker (writers).
DISSECTION: Cyclop's file Karma says he's not sure how she'll do now that the team's taken a more militaristic approach. Well, not only has Dazzler been a proven member of the X-Men in trying times, but she's also fought a war to free Mojoworld. So yes Cyke, she's more prepared than emotionally imbalanced (though cute) Pixie or your own girlfriend, Emma Frost, who used to be the X-Men's ENEMY. Pfft...
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. As another note, Wolverine's car should be a "Maserati", not "Masarati".
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This column has an average of 5.9 Bazzars in ten dissections; an usual average. You want the Moments Of The Week? Happy to oblige. First up; a fun Atomic Robo moment that shows why I say it's like classic Hellboy:
Diapers, hehe. Next up, as I said before, Constantine and Santa:
YES! He's ground up St. Nick's bones and snorts them! Hell of a spell!!! Then, what happens when you run around with Greek gods?
Exactly! Now, Blue Beetle's legal guardians:
Okay, what a weird family unit.. Last, Cyclops knows when to be a leader, and when to be a big brother:
And yes, Rockslide is such a softy! Skin of stone, heart of putty, I love him in a non-gay way! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
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