The Dissector

The Dissector #94.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Zombie monkeys! Riding dinosaurs! With JETPACKS! ON MARS! Contents may change prior to publication." Ambush Bug: Year None #3, "next in" blurb.

This will be the shortest column ever, and not a pretty one either... So I open my folder for the week of 09/24, and find only three books there, and after what I call "the culling" (the process where I go through my notes and check which dissections are actually incorrect and which I have to discard because they're not mistakes) I end up with only two books to write up. Well, one of them is Zorro, so that guarantees the minimum amount of dissections for one column... but should I still make use of my vault? Nah, sorry, even if this column is boring, it does help me catch up quickly.

Still, we've got fun stuff like the Moments Of The Week, the Picks, that funny quote up there, and the DT! Last column's was not solved; and it was the fact that Hal Jordan is wearing a uniform with shorts over his tights, which he hasn't in some time. I gave it a lower rating than usual, because it's a "fantasy" Hal Jordan, imagined by that dreaming kid, so... but still, since everybody else is wearing their current costumes, I chalk it up to artist mistake.

And then you've got The Dissector's Picks Of The Week: Best Book Of The Week was Legion of Super-Heroes V5 #46, Jim Shooter is writing the LSH like he... well, like he knows it like the back of his hand, which he does; and while I'm not a big fan of Francis Manapul's art, it's suitable. Worst Book Of The Week was Project Superpowers #5; they just keep dragging it on and on, don't they?

There's something I'd rather avoid, but since I've been keeping you updated, I'll say it... Jim H., aka Nutcase65 faked his death... Yes, his heroic sacrifice and struggle for life was all fake, a ruse he came up with to prove a stupid point about character deaths in comic books... When he's confronted and chastised for what he did, he has the audacity of reacting badly, and even of insulting me and this column! Well, at least all my readers click on my columns to read what I have to say, and I don't have to lie and manipulate people's feelings to write articles.

With that out of the way, it's now time for the (not so many) dissections.
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"LEGION OF SUPER-DISSECTIONS!"

TITLE: Legion of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 46.

CULPRIT: Francis Manapul (penciller).

DISSECTION: Here's one for Legion fans (or attentive people):


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"SEÑOR CABEZA DE PATATA!"

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: As usual, the uses of Spanish are incorrect. The funniest (or saddest) one is using "papa" for "dad", when it's "papá". "Papa" is "Pope", or "potato"; and he does it three times.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. And eleven dissections more; including one where a word in an English dialogue is missing.
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A nice and round 7.0 Bazzars average on thirteen dissections... truth is, all dissections got the same rating... 7. The DT! got a 7 after thinking it through, while language dissections get the same rating automatically, unless they're very repetitive, or they're too outrageous (like when they made up a word for Blue Beetle's cover). I like the number seven... but I'm rambling,

To end this column, the best part (at least this time) The Moments Of The Week! First, the Red Skull becomes the Red Screen:


Teletubbies!!! Then, what Darkseid does in his free time:


Scary! Next, a scene that could have been Quote Of The Week:


Better than Spidey! And then, look at this, and tell me Norman Osborn won't be the next President Of The USA in Marvel:


That's an edit of a wonderful sequence I made; here's the full speech: "Today... We make history. Thunderbolts! For Earth! For Freedom! Strike! (...) My friends! These creatures think Earth belongs to them! That they can come here--to our home--and make us kneel! But this is our world! This is our country! While a single breath remains in our bodies, we will fight and die to keep it! Stand with me! Show them! Let us shout it with one voice! This... is MY country."

Brilliant! On a completely different note, I've caught up with Doctor Who, and now I'm watching Torchwood... I'm watching episode 4, season 1... there's a fight between a cyberwoman and a pteranodon. awesome! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!