DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"Think Sadie. Think... What would the Beastie Boys do? SABOTAGE, BABY!" Sadie Hawkings, Young Liars #7.
Here we are with the column for comics released on the week of 09/10; I'll start by apologizing, since I was wrong. The DT! is dissection at all... I thought the verb "to lie" was being used incorrectly. My bad; and the average actually goes down to 3.5...
The Dissector's Picks OF The Week are quite simple so I'll keep it simple; Best Book Of The Week is Star Trek: Mirror Image #3; a good look at the mirror universe Picard, while Worst Book Of The Week was the deplorable ending to an overall boring book, GeNext #5. Your dissections, as follows:
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"FIRE!"
TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 571.
CULPRIT: Dan Slott (writer).
DISSECTION: The Radioactive Man raises the radiation levels "until the air around (anti-Venom) ignites in flames"... I don't know a lot about radiation, but nothing I can see tells me that that's even possible.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. If I'm wrong, and someone can scientifically argue that it is possible, I will retract, but I think it's a ball of baloney.
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"SPECIAL EFFECTS."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 88.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: I just noticed I credited Guru as Guru FX, when it's Guru EFX or eFX.
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"I'M LAYING."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 91.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: So I screwed up, and cried "dissect this!" when there was nothing to dissect... the worst thing was confusing the verb usage.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"..."
TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).
ISSUE: 11.
CULPRIT: Jordan D. White (assistant editor) & Mark Paniccia (editor).
DISSECTION: Morph.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"PRAYING IN ALL THE WRONG LANGUAGES,"
TITLE: Secret Invasion: X-Men (Marvel).
ISSUE: 02 of 04.
CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).
DISSECTION: A Skrull device tells Nightcrawler "lasset uns beten", for "let us pray together, but I checked with my friend Santiago and "lass uns beten" is the right phrase, or even "lass uns zusammen beten".
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"BOLT OF HAIR DYE."
TITLE: Secret Invasion: Inhumans (Marvel).
ISSUE: 02 of 04.
CULPRIT: Guru EFX (colorist).
DISSECTION: Again, Black Bolt's hair is colored incorrectly.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"FAKE MOON RISING."
TITLE: Star Trek: Romulans The Hollow Crown (IDW).
ISSUE: 01 of 02.
CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).
DISSECTION: The Romulan Praetor speaks about a "third moon" of Romulus, and there's no such thing. Romulus has one moon in canonical sources, and semi-canonical sources has it with two.
DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars; there's no need for that.
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"ROMULAN DISSECTION EMPIRE."
TITLE: Star Trek: Romulans The Hollow Crown (IDW).
ISSUE: 01 of 02.
CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).
DISSECTION: This one is definitely wrong, I promise!
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"IT'S STILL NOT A COSTUME."
TITLE: Trinity (DC).
ISSUE: 15.
CULPRIT: Mark Bagley (penciller).
DISSECTION: Wonder Girl's boots and pants are drawn incorrectly.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"THICK AND RICH."
TITLE: Wolverine: Saudade (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Jean-David Morvan (writer).
DISSECTION: Wolverine's claws are definitely not "less than a millimeter thick".
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"DAS MAGENTIKTESTAMENTEN."
TITLE: X-Men: Magneto Testament (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01 of 05.
CULPRIT: Greg Pak (writer).
DISSECTION: Dominik once more comes to my German-language assistance: "The German in this book is garbage. So much for historical accuracy. “Ich habe deußtscher Mädchen geßchändet” is just plain horrible. If you boldly claim that you did historical research and all that, you can’t tell me that you didn’t figure out how to spell “Deutsche” or “geschändet.” You should at least have come across the word “Rassenschande” and “Deutsches Reich” at those places you reference in the back of the book. Seriously, if you just pretend to speak German after listening to Rammstein Songs and talking to that old Nazi that lives in the trailer park near you, you don’t go around talking big that you did serious research.
For all those interested, the Esszett is a letter exclusive to Germany and is basically a substitute for the Double-S. So it’s not “Missachtung” (disrespect), it’s “Mißachtung.”" And that's what I call a guest rant... as for the book, I was scared that an origin story for Magneto would be horrible, but except for the wrong German usage, it was pretty good.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for each of the mistakes.
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So this makes for a 7.4 Bazzars average in fifteen dissections, much more "healthy", innit? Well, here are the Moments Of The Week. First up, Wonder Woman's apetastic advisors:
Funny! Then, "my god has a hammer":
Great scene! And for our ending:
You don't mess with Norman Osborn while using equipment you swiped from him! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
1 comment:
Comments originally posted on ICS.net, right after the column was posted:
Dominik B.: TITLE: Secret Invasion: X-Men (Marvel).
ISSUE: 02 of 04.
CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).
DISSECTION: A Skrull device tells Nightcrawler "lasset uns beten", for "let us pray together, but I checked with my friend Santiago and "lass uns beten" is the right phrase, or even "lass uns zusammen beten".
Mate, very sorry to say this, but your friend Santiago is wrong. "Lasset uns beten." is coorect bible German. Just as "Thou shalt not kill." is correct Bible English although nobody really says it anymore.
Martín "MaGnUs" Pérez: Oh, is it? My bad then. And his. That's what I get for not asking you, then?
(Of course, this is assuming I believe Krauts have such a thing as Bibles, pagan barbarians as they are...)
Dominik B.: Say that in Bavaria and they will crucify you. And then make a Bratwurst of your weiner and Lederhosen from your skin. They're the religious version of that really famous family from this horror movie whose title I just forgot.
Nick S.: The DT! is dissection at all
Missing a 'not'.
CENSORED
You mention the Dissect This!, and then ask us to dissect it? For shame.
DISSECTION: Wolverine's claws are definitely not "less than a millimeter thick".
No-ooo.... But the Adamantium coating is.
That's it for now, until next time, because some things escape the Dissector! :P
Martín "MaGnUs" Pérez: I missed a "not", thanks. And yeah, I posted the dissection... I just edited your comment and edited the column so others can play. My bad.
And the Adamantium might be thin, but he's talking about his claws, not the coating.
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