The Dissector

The Dissector #82.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Hurry the fuck up down there! Do I need to remind yeh this's an invasion? Like with pointy swords and people dying and shit?" Unnamed Saxxon commander in the 1100s, Northlanders #7.

Well, that quote up there really broke the suspension of disbelief for me with this book. I don't expect characters in a comic to speak old Norse or whatnot, but there are some things that just don't do it... I almost considered this, and another use of the word "fuck" as dissections; but I realized they were just tools the writer uses to carry across emotional points. Last column's DT! was guessed by Sully; it was that Spider-Woman's eyes should be green and not blue. Also, the anonymous poster that spotted my "Beast Boy/Cyborg" error from column #80 calls himself DrSilent.

Now, we've had some creator sightings for the last two columns: within one day, I get two creators to rebuke dissections, good! First, the lovely and talented Christina Strain, colorist for Runaways among other things, drops by the comments for column #81 and says: "Victor's eyes have always been green. People just seem to assume they're brown. And I'm positive about this because I picked the original color for them back when he was introduced into the series."

CeeCee (can I call you that?), thanks for stopping by; I'll bow to you on this (hell, you're such a good colorist, and such a beautiful woman, that I'd bow to you anyway!). I should have checked a comic book first; but the only sources I had on hand were wikis, both Marvel Universe and Marvel Database, and they both had him with brown eyes... also, Jo Chen colors Victor's eyes brown on covers. My bad, I've edited those wiki pages following your authoritative information. Digging up my Marvel Handbook to see what it says there... yup, "hazel", but I'm still retracting on it.

Once more, thanks for stopping by, and keep up the good work, I'm a fan of your stuff, you bring life to these characters with your colorings, and Runaways is one of my favorite comics of the last few years. Afterwards, CeeCee stopped by again and said: "Thanks! *thumbs up* Sorry for sounding so short btw. I think that's why I'm so touchy about it, you're not the only person to mention the green eyes. Even an editor or two's asked me, "aren't they brown???"" Thank you CeeCee; you need to let Marvel know they've got his eyes wrong, they even have it wrong in their own references.

Then, the comments section for column #81 is graced by Dwayne McDuffie, writer of the current Justice League of America and classics like Damage Control, saying: "Iron Man sported repellor rays first (check your Marvel Essentials), introducing repulsors shortly after unveiling his red and gold armor. Originally, the terms were used interchangeably. Eventually, repulsors referred to his primary offensive weapon, while the increasingly-rarely used repellors became just that, magnetic, metal repelling rays, reverse tractor beams, if you will. I don't remember the story, but I'm guessing Iron Man used the repellors to push some metal away, right?"

He signs "The Culprit", so I'm guessing he took it in good humor (same as CeeCee, and I can't stress enough how much respect I have for comic book creators). Thanks for leaving that comment Dwayne; I've never seen that referenced anywhere, but I'll take your word for it. I've been reading Avengers Classics (plus old Marvel comics for the past 20+ years), but I don't remember "repellors", nor can I find a reference anywhere in the intarwebz.

Again, I'll take your word for it, and retract. Hey, did you know you'd won (all in good humor, of course) one of the Autopsy Awards for last year? And that you accepted it wearing a Green Lantern costume? Thanks for stopping by, and let me say that I've loved your Damage Control books, and I'm having fun reading your JLA run.

So, those two retractions bump the average for column 80 to 5.0 and 5.7 for column 81. And now, the Dissector's Pick Of The Week!!!! This is the first week of July, 07/02, Best Book Of The Week is Hellblazer Special: Chas #1; a good start for a mini with Constantine's favorite cabbie, good art, and a good concept about the original cab drivers of London binding a demon with their routes. Worst Book Of The Week, on the other hand, goes to Supergirl #31; not a bad comic per se, but too little is told in this issue, it's a waste. Now, the dissections:
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"ATOMIC EYES."

TITLE: All-New Atom (DC).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Alex Bleyaert (colorist).

DISSECTION: I'm sorry to see this book end; although it was much more fun when Gail wrote it. In this case, Ray Palmer's eyes are colored incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"THE BEAST REARS ITS FEET AGAIN!"

TITLE: Astonishing X-Men V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Simone Bianchi (artist).

DISSECTION: Beast.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, when they talk about the alien starship graveyard, there seems to be a page missing.
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"MOST THE DISSECTIONS..."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 81.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Yes Snakebyte, I made a booboo and wrote "most the Italian language" instead of "most of the..."

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"OH, GROW UP... OR SHRINK..."

TITLE: The Legion of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 43.

CULPRIT: Jim Shooter (writer).

DISSECTION: Colossal Boy's powers, as usual.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"THIS IS MAKING ME HORNEE."

TITLE: Linger (Virgin Comics).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Shamik Dasgupta (writer) and/or Nilesh P. Kudale (letterer).

DISSECTION: Food can be an "aphrodisiac", not "aphrodesiac".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"TXTING NORSEMEN."

TITLE: Northlanders (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Brian Wood (writer) and/or Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: So, in the 1100s you "plnt" your feet to defend your "communinty"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars each.
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"HOLY DISSECTION."

TITLE: Rann/Thanagar Holy War (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Ron Lim (penciller) and/or John Kalisz (colorist).

DISSECTION: Besides the horrible art, see if you spot the dissection here:

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"NEW YORK, NEW YORK!!!"

TITLE: Secret Invasion: Front Line (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Brian Reed (writer).

DISSECTION: It is said in narration boxes that "(...) the average New Yorker still might only see Spider-Man or the Fantastic Four once, maybe twice, in a lifetime.", but that's not believable, not with the amount of exposition you see in the comics. It's like living in Hollywood, and frequenting the posh areas where celebrities go and never seeing one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"YER WRONG!"

TITLE: Star Trek: Assignment: Earth (IDW).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer) and/or Robbie Robins (letterer).

DISSECTION: "You're" is used instead of "your".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"PINK SKINS, LIKE THE ANDORIAN CALL HUMANS..."

TITLE: Star Trek: New Frontier (IDW).

ISSUE: 04 of 05.

CULPRIT: Leonard O'Grady (colorist).

DISSECTION: Yet again, Kallinda Cwan's skin is pink, instead of red, as Thallonian skin is.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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And a new column comes close to an end; with an average of 5.5 Bazzars in thirteen dissections, a predictably low average. Moments Of The Week! First up, someone finally remembers how to spell his codename:

Thanks to artist Marco Checchetto; he needs to let writer Koslowski know. Second and last MOT, a Vulcan (or half-Vulcan) admits what we all knew:

Meh, she's probably just being sarcastic; she is half-Romulan, after all. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!