The Dissector

The Dissector #59.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Standing around talking feels a lot like standing around talking. When does Pete get to throw me at something?" Wolverine, summing up the "joys" of decompression, Astonishing X-Men V3 #24.

I have to start this column with a retraction; as Namor's appearance in the Order's issue for the week of 01/23 (week dissected in this column) shows that his involvement in this book is not a continuity goof. I won't go to the trouble of recalculating average for that column months ago, and I won't modify it, as too long has passed. But I do admit my mistakes, don't say I don't. Incidentally, last column's Dissect This! was found by Sully, and it was that there's no checkers board in the first panel, so here's your Badge, and welcome Ensign Sully to the HDSC!

Let's get them Dissector's Picks Of The Week out of the way, starting with the Best Book Of The Week. It was none less than Amazing Spider-Man #548, Brand New Day be damned! While we might disagree with the plot device, and as I said, we know it's going to be changed back to normal eventually, this new Spidey format and status quo is giving us fun stories. Dan Slott writes his usual fast-paced action and witty dialogue, while Steve McNiven gives us excellent art, coupled with nice inking by Dexter Vines and good coloring by Dave Stewart.

And the Worst Book Of The Week? Predictably, Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Borg. Andrew Steven Harris writes a generic tale about the Borg that not only is boring and unmemorable (I had to strain myself to remember what it was about, and I only read it a month and a week ago), but repetitive: Borg traveling back in time to change history. Ho-hum. And while the art by Sean Murphy is marginally better than the rest of the art in IDW's Trek line (and Leonard O'Grady's colors remind me a bit of Bill Sienkiewicz' work, barely), it still doesn't cut it. Why would anyone think poorly detailed art is good for a product such as Star Trek?!?!? Let's cut this rant short, and go onto the dissections.
<-------------------------------->
"IN COMMUNIST RUSSIA, THINKING DOES YOU."

TITLE: Astonishing X-Men V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Joss Whedon (writer) and/or Chris Eliopoulos (letterer).

DISSECTION: Colossus says "I am not great thinker."... what? Did he just learn English or something? ARGH! And they dare to make us wait until... until "Coming soon!" for the conclusion in Giant Size Astonishing X-Men #1?!??!! NOOOOO!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, character heights are screwed up.
<-------------------------------->
"VLU VEETEL"

TITLE: Blue Beetle V7 (DC).

ISSUE: 23.

CULPRIT: John Rogers (writer) and/or Swands (yes, like that, letterer).

DISSECTION: Great book, I always say it... but it's "vamonos", not "vamanos".

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HANGING BY A THREAD..."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Tom Chu (colorist).

DISSECTION: At first I thought Donna Troy had produced a lasso out of thin air, but then I saw that in the previous panels, she has it looped around her waist. However, there's still some yellow thread in her waist while she's already waving the lasso around.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SORRY, NO BACKUPS!"

TITLE: Gotham Underground (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 09.

CULPRIT: Frank Tieri (writer).

DISSECTION: Oracle's five or six monitors get destroyed; just the ones in front of her, and she says she's out business. What, she can't hook up another monitor? She doesn't have about, hum, I don't know, three or four backup systems at the very least?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE GAME IS ONLY A PROP TO FIDDLE WITH WHILE WE PLAN OUR ESCAPE."

TITLE: Marvel Comics Presents V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Tony Washington (colorist, Wrecking Crew story).

DISSECTION: From last week, Snakebyte spotted that in one of the panels, the checkers are placed on the wrong squares.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SHA-HULK!"

TITLE: She-Hulk V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Peter David (writer) and/or Dave Sharpe (letterer).

DISSECTION: In the back-up story, She-Hulk says "than" instead of "then".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S THE DMZ ALL OVER AGAIN!"

TITLE: Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Borg (IDW).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Andrew Steven Harris (writer).

DISSECTION: Still not impressed by any of these IDW Star Trek books, much less by this one. A human colony world inside the Federation-Romulan Neutral Zone? Doubtful, extremely doubtful.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BRIDGE DESIGNED BY RM ESCHER."

TITLE: Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Borg (IDW).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Sean Murphy (artist).

DISSECTION: The bridge design of the Enterprise-E is a bit funky, though I can't find specific evidence to say that it's wrong; just a bit skewed. However, Murphy's perspectives are screwed up, as in the wide-angle shot of the bridge, we can see that the Captain's chair is not behind the Conn and Ops consoles (which are located at the forefront of the bridge), and Picard is in fact seen at odd angles from a "shot" past Data....

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO LET THE BLIND GUY DRIVE?"

TITLE: Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Borg (IDW).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Andrew Steven Harris (writer) and/or Sean Murphy (artist).

DISSECTION: There are few reasons why a Chief Engineer will be on the bridge if he's not in command of the ship, but Geordi is here. That's not a problem, as perhaps his current semi-assimilated status he is not in command of his section. However, why would he be seating at the Conn console, as pilot? Yes, I know, it's his old job... but why would he be piloting the ship, which is as dangerous (or more)? He could be in Engineering, not in charge, but at least contributing with his invaluable expertise.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SCISSOR SIBLINGS."

TITLE: Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Borg (IDW).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Sean Murphy (artist).

DISSECTION: Did I say the art was marginally better? Well, the word "marginally" is the operative one in that sentence, and it's sometimes in the outer margin of "better". Look below:


What the hell are those? They look like those scissor men from Grant Morrison's Doom Patrol!

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. There are other, minor plot and art dissections.
<-------------------------------->
"THE STRIPPER IS STILL AROUND."

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 45.

CULPRIT: Michael Green (writer).

DISSECTION: Starfire is one of the heroes helping Superman and Batman round up all the Kryptonite in the world. She can't be there, as she doesn't have her powers back yet, this obviously being before the end of Countdown To Adventure.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, Martian Manhunter's "costume" is colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"KRYPTON?"

TITLE: Superman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Tim Sale (artist).

DISSECTION: Depictions of Krypton and of Jor-El do not match either pre-Birthright, Birthright, nor post-Infinite Crisis depictions of the same.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SHE LEAVES AND COMES BACK."

TITLE: Wonder Woman V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Nachie Castro (associate editor) and/or Matt Idelson (editor).

DISSECTION: The "next in..." section in the last page of the book says that Wonder Woman must "return to Paradise Island"... when she's already there!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECT-X!"

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 207.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: Alright, dissect this one... it's not Beast or Cyclone, but it's become a recurrent one:


And no, it's not the lack of detail in X-23's eyes, which I just spotted... I'm going to check every Dissect This! image in order to find those that escape me, as they usual do, and are found by loyal HDSC.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. And also, Warpath's knives look nothing like they should.
<-------------------------------->
So, we had a below-usual 5.7 Bazzar average, in 20 dissections total... there were a couple of 10s, but there were low ratings like a 1 and some 3s or 4s. Moments Of The Week! First up, one of the useless Legion Rejects of all times, ladies and gentlebeings, I give you.... FRUIT BOY!!!


Puns on his name AND costume are forbidden... too easy. Next, Blue Beetle Jaime Reyes asks himself a question:


What Would Ted Kord Do?! Jaime has more brains that a lot of experienced heroes... Lastly, the new Black Goliath gets pwnd by the man who's faced Dr. Doom himself... Bart, from Damage Control:


Hehe... That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!