The Dissector

The Dissector #64.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Pants, then spaceship. In that order." Jaime Reyes (Blue Beetle III) escaping from an alien mothership, Blue Beetle V7 #24.

Still playing catch-up, here are the dissections for the comics released on the week of 02/27, which at least lets us finish with the month of February. That quote up there is one of the reasons I just love the current Blue Beetle book. But more on that later; on another topic, the DT! from last column was not found by any of my readers, so I will reveal it myself. The problem was that the General is not drawn as tall as he should, he should be several feet taller than Bronze Tiger, yet he's just a couple of heads taller.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week goes to, as you could guess from above, Blue Beetle V7 #24. John Rogers provide an excellent match of action, drama and humor; along with excellent dialogues; and while Rafael Albuquerque's art is not my cup of tea; it's almost flawless. The ending of this issue is also a great, as you'll see in the Moments Of The Week.

Worst Book Of The Week was Crime Bible: Five Lessons Of Blood. I never liked the art, and while I like Greg Rucka and the Question is one of my favorite characters (at least Vic Sage), Renee Montoya is just not cutting it for me... plus, this last issue, the ending, was just... meh. On to the dissections, then!
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"SUPER-DISSECTIVE!"

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 862.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer) and/or Rob Leigh (letterer).

DISSECTION: The Legion of Substitute Heroes does not have a hyphen between the last two words.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar, plus the powers aren't listed properly, as usual.
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"THAT'S A FAKE BADGE!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Tom Derenick (penciller).

DISSECTION: Kyle Rayner's chest emblem is drawn incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars, he also drew the Piper's sunglasses wrong again, and Pete Pantazis colored the emblem incorrectly.
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"ULTIMATE VOLUME."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 63.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Snakebyte correctly pointed out (and gets his sixth badge, making him a Lieutenant) that the current Ultimates book is "The Ultimates 3", and not "The Ultimates 3 V1", as I dubbed it. Not a mistake on my part, but a choice, and a wrong one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"WELD?"

TITLE: Hybrid Bastards (Archaia Studios Press).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Tom Pinchuk (writer) and/or non-credited letterer.

DISSECTION: The word "wield" is spelled as "weild".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
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"MARTIAN POWERS."

TITLE: JLA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 53.

CULPRIT: Roger Stern (writer).

DISSECTION: Since when can the Martian Manhunter draw strength and mass from the Earth to increase his own?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"HE'S TALKING ABOUT UNDERDEVELOPED COUNTRIES."

TITLE: Justice Society of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Superman (from Kingdom Come) does not know what Gog meant with "Third World"; when he should be familiar with the term "Fourth World" for the New Gods. Heck, at least as a former journalist (or anyone with some education) should know the non-DC meaning of the term.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. Also, we have our customary Cyclone costume error (reported by Miss Kitty Fantastico, who just made Lt. Cmdr. in the HDSC!!!!), this time by the colorist, and also, Geoff Johns conveniently forgets that Jimmy Olsen is not just Perry's errand boy.
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"KNIGHTS OF THE DISSECTION TABLE."

TITLE: Knights Of The Dinner Table (Kenzer & Co.).

ISSUE: 133.

CULPRIT: Jolly Blackburn and/or Steve Johansson (writers).

DISSECTION: No, you don't have to know anything about KODT to find out this Dissect This! It's not about the plot, in fact, it's not about this comic at all.


DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"MICRO LAD!"

TITLE: The Legion of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 39.

CULPRIT: Jim Shooter (writer).

DISSECTION: Colossal Boy powers, in this continuity, are not growing to giant size; he's a giant that shrinks to normal human size.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. There's also a small art error on Francis Manapul's part.
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"YOU KNOW HOW ACTRESSES ONLY PRETEND TO BE NAKED IN SOME SCENES?"

TITLE: Ultimate Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 119.

CULPRIT: Stuart Immonen (penciller).

DISSECTION: According to Tylo, at one point, Liz Allen, who's supposed to be naked, is clearly seen to have a sleeve when she's shutting her flame off.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars, as it could be a shadow and the edge of the blanket she's covering herself with.
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"ATTACK OF THE FIFTY FOOT RADIOACTIVE MAN!"

TITLE: World War Hulk Aftersmash: Damage Control (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Salva Espin (artist). Odd, he's sometimes credited as Salvador Espin, and Marvel.com's own database has the two names as separate people.

DISSECTION: The Radioactive man, who's 6'6", is pictured as being about a feet and a half taller than the Swordsman, who's 5'9". What's odd, is that on the page before, their heights look correct.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, just for not being able to keep things consistent. Also, Ares has no pupils or irises.
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"FROSTY... FROSTY...."

TITLE: X-Men: Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 208.

CULPRIT: David Finch (cover penciller).

DISSECTION: Great, yet another renamed title.... which will go back to calling itself X-Men in a few months....Finch draws the original X-Men in the cover, in their early days; yet he draws Iceman in his "iceman", rather than "snowman" form.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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Ohmahgauze; as my friend Jess would say; lowest average ever! 4.1 Bazzars, in nineteen dissections. That'll be tough to beat, considering that the lowest average was 4.6, back in column #14. Now, what's not low is the amount of Moments Of The Week, there's nine, count 'em, nine of them. First up, the Subs attack using a space-bus, and Stone Boy gives the Justice League Of Earth the double-double space bird:

He literally rocks. Next, Batman gets prank calls:

Heh! Then, Blue Beetle surprises us:

For those of you not in the know, those are the magic words that the original Blue Beetle, Dan Garrett, used to activate his powers. Then, Apokolips goes chumbawumba:

Holy shit! Next up, you know how teachers say they have eyes on their back?

Well, Eyefull Ethel has eyes on her rack! We go on with some Star Wars; what are they using to wax Star Destroyer floors?

Or is that Admiral just flexible and likes to show off? More from the Titans, next; somebody raids Wonder Girl's panty drawer.

Uhm... is she still underage? Almost at the end, we get the Asgardians sitting in a town meeting:

Very funny... and last... one of the creepiest things I've seen in comics:

Eww..... really, ewwwwwww!!!!! That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!