The Dissector

The Dissector #67.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"You can call me an "innovator"... You can call me a "child prodigy"... But I don't really know what those words mean." Franklin Richards, Franklin Richards, Franklin Richards: Spring Break.

Aaaaaaaaand.... CAUGHT UP!!! YEAH, BABY, YEAH!!! This is the column for the books published on 03/19, which means that I'm back on schedule. I've gotten such a workout from this catch-up series of columns, that I can make them faster than ever, but still, I'll slow down in future columns and take the time to rant more extensively when things bother me. The Dissect This! for last column was solved (only in part) by Snakebyte, who saw that the map in the UN seal was any but Earth's. Marvel's Earths have a few extra islands, and of course, Atlantis underwater; but the regular continents' shapes are still the same. Also, the general design of the seal was screwed up, apart from the map. But... this was a double DT, and nobody got the second one (I know, I'm not letting you guys breathe between columns), which was that the two seals in the picture... were not the same. The maps were different, for starters.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week goes to Everybody's Dead #1; with a hilarious script by Brian Lynch, and art... well, the art by Dave Crossland was a bit subpar, more suited to a webcomic than something put out by IDW... but at least it was consistent and not just plain BAD as most of the IDW Star Trek book's art is. Worst Book Of The Week goes to World War Hulk Aftersmash: Warbound #4 of 5. Is it bad? No, but it was the most boring thing I read in the week, and this story certainly did not need five issues to be told. The art in the first story is a bit plain, and while the art on the backup tale is good, I really don't feel the need to learn about the Warbound's pasts. That's it then, on to the dissections!
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"BLANK WITH FEAR."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 554.

CULPRIT: Phil Jimenez (penciller).

DISSECTION: First story page, Randall Crowne lacks pupils and irises.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"STRAP IN."

TITLE: Captain America V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: Butch Guice (penciller).

DISSECTION: Yeah, I know... I'm way to nitpicky.... but Captain America's shield straps are drawn incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"POWERLESS!"

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Joe Bennett (penciller).

DISSECTION: Vixen is not wearing her Tantu Totem!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, Red Arrow's costume is wrong, and so are Jay Garrick's boots... and Superman's cape shield!!! And of course, Fire's name.
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"OH NO HE DIDN'T!"

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Santiago Arcas (colorist).

DISSECTION: Arcas incorrectly colors SUPERMAN'S CAPE SHIELD!!! He colors it as if it was the chest shield, blue and yellow

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Un-for-gi-va-ble.
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"GOOD NA-NITE."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Adam Beechen (writer).

DISSECTION: I understand how the Morticoccus virus evolved after infecting Karate Kid... but what the hell is this "Thirty-First century nanites in the virus"... I assume they mean Karate Kid Thirty-First century antibodies, but if they meant the virus itself, it's still wrong, because it's not from the 31st century (or it hasn't been mentioned), and nanites would imply that it's a technovirus.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Tom Chu colors Donna Troy's eyes incorrectly, and Mary marvel's lightning.
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"GET IT RIGHT!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 52.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Every time I type "Countdown To Final Crisis", I need to make sure I don't write "Infinite Crisis"; and I have dissected myself on the matter in the past; but I just re-checked, and I missed it in column 52. A sign?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, and I did it twice.
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"WHAT GIVES?"

TITLE: Everybody's Dead (IDW).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Brian Lynch (writer).

DISSECTION: The issue opens with a flyer for a frat Halloween party, stating that men pay ten dollars, and girls are free (costumed girls are "double free", whatever that means, heh). Yet not ten pages later, Jack's girlfriend complains that Aurora got in free. Huh?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"EYE MACHINA."

TITLE: Ex Machina (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 35.

CULPRIT: Tony Harris (penciller).

DISSECTION: This has got to be one of my favorite books, but it's been slower than a turtle, lately. Still, it hasn't ceased to be a good read. In this case, first dissection I ever find in this comic, in one of Mitch Hundred's flashbacks to his time as "The Great Machine" (actually told by his deputy mayor), his goggle lenses get shattered, and in one panel you can't see his eye, and on the other one you can... it's quite confusing.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"SUPER GREEN! LANTERN GREEN!"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Peter Pantazis (colorist).

DISSECTION: John Stewart's eyes are NOT green! And why does Pantazis get credited as Pete sometimes and as Peter other times? Shouldn't they have some sort of standard?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. I'm just tired of this.
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"TEXTBOOK DISSECTION."

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Alan Burnett (writer) and/or Rob Leigh (letterer).

DISSECTION: This is an easy one, tell me what's wrong here:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, guys, the word is "scepter", not "sceptor".
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"ZZZZZZZZZT!"

TITLE: Super Friends V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Sholly Fisch (writer).

DISSECTION: I know this is a book aimed at children, and I find it pretty good, even to read it to my own kid. However, being a kids book does not give you a license to write as if for idiots. Amazo, the android who can copy all of the Super Friend's powers, is defeated because they dupe him into duplicating Aquaman's powers, jumping into the water and short-circuiting, because... "everyone knows that water and electrical machines don't mix!" Sholly, even kids have heard about submarines and motor boats.... Not only you're treating kids as morons, but you're swiping a story from the Super Friends cartoon, where Batman defeats ROMAK, the evil computer, with a bucket of water ("The Evil Machines").

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"BLACK CELEBRATION."

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: Annual 02.

CULPRIT: Jorge Molina (colorist).

DISSECTION: Superman's emblem in a monitor has the background colored in black. Nice of Joe Kelly to nod to the Silver Age story where Superman loses his powers and becomes Supernova; but he should have changed the name and costume (which looks silly) after 52, with this story being early in their careers, why didn't anybody make any mention of the "original" Supernova during the missing year?

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"ONE EARTH."

TITLE: Tangent: Superman's Reign (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 12.

CULPRIT: Dan Jurgens (writer).

DISSECTION: There's a sequence in the "central" DCU, which is labeled as "Earth-1"; but Earth-1 is a different one, this should be New Earth, as there's Earths "New to 51".

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, John Stewart's costume bracers are colored silver.
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Well, 21 dissections and an average of 7.1 Bazzars... not that's more like it! Moments Of The Week, now, we start with P.I.M.P.:


Sorry, I meant H.E.R.B.I.E.! Next, fear Spin, a villain who gets his powers from BDSMing an alien!


Disturbing... not as much as that snake a few columns ago, but still... Then, the fight we all want to see:


Place your bets! Mine's on the dragon, of course. And now, Spidey does the unexpected:


He gives JJJ yet another heart attack!!! Now, a funny scene from Everybody's Dead:


The frat's Recording Secretary, Mosby, show's a rival fraternity what it is to stare at a barrel of a gun... or at least, at Megatron's! Next up, Alfred shows his taste in cars:


Heh! Then, the Dibnys return!


I did NOT expect that. And for a finale, somebody gets sliced and diced by a WWI fighter plane!


Guts, it had to be Ennis, and guts! That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!