DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"Sweetie, I'll make soup with your knickers!" Random gang-banger, Andrea D #1.
What a beautiful pick up line! Here we are, with the dissections for the last week of January, comics released on 01/30. However, I must again deliver the sad news of somebody’s death, even if it's a bit late, of the demise Gary Gygax, co-creator of Dungeons & Dragons, and therefore, roleplaying games as such. He will be sorely missed; you can find the news here, and my tributes here, and here. Yes, he wasn’t a comic book creator, but he was a very influential man to me and many, and I needed to mention it.
But, life goes on... The Dissector Picks Of The Week were kind of easy; on one hand I'd liked to have Y: The Last Man's final issue as the Best Book Of The Week, but it left me with a kind of funny feeling... oh, you know what? I think that was the whole idea, the fact that there was no real closure. So yes, Issue #60 of that book is the week of 01/30's Best Book. And the Worst Book Of The Week? Well, issue 6 out of 6 of Captain American: The Chosen. Not only this mini was a story that could have been told in two issues at most, it also turns into the patriotic-ey bullshit that gives Captain America comics its bad name.
Last column's Dissect This! was that Rockslide's costume is yet again wrong; Teukro spotted it and gets a badge. Welcome to the HDSC, Ensign Teukro... and let's go with the dissections already, ok?
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"POWERLESS."
TITLE: Action Comics (DC).
ISSUE: 861.
CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).
DISSECTION: Once more, important powers like Superman's invulnerability and speed are missing from his description. I can understand not mentioning his heat vision, or even his super senses (which are mentioned), but his invulnerability and speed?
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, Dawnstar's flight ability is not mentioned, as isn't Polar Boy's cold generation power.
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"EMBASSIES HERE AND THERE."
TITLE: Black Adam: The Dark Age (DC).
ISSUE: 06 of 06.
CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer).
DISSECTION: Again, the Khandaq Embassy was in New York; the one in Gotham is just a consulate.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Oh, and of course, Cyclone makes an appearance, so her costume's wrong.
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"WHERE DID THEY FLY AWAY?"
TITLE: Countdown To Adventure (DC).
ISSUE: 06 of 08.
CULPRIT: Fabrizio Fiorentino (penciller, Forerunner story).
DISSECTION: Golden Eagle's wings are missing from his armor in one panel.
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"RE-BOOTING."
TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).
ISSUE: 13.
CULPRIT: Tome Derenick (penciller).
DISSECTION: Donna Troy's boots don't look as they should.
DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"BUT... THEY'RE TOO SHORT FOR STORMTROOPERS!"
TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).
ISSUE: 05 of 08.
CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (writer).
DISSECTION: Why the hell does Superman shout "STORMTROOPERS" when attacked by Parademons?
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, Kalibak keeps speaking in the third person.
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"AAK!"
TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).
ISSUE: 27.
CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer, I can no longer blame the letterer).
DISSECTION: Again, you guessed it, "Salaak".
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, John Stewart's eyes are "cartoonized" to green, and again the introduction of the Alpha Lanterns? They're doing it over and over.
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"WHO SAID THAT?"
TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).
ISSUE: 27.
CULPRIT: Steve Wands (letterer).
DISSECTION: Laira's word balloon in one panel is joined with Salakk's, making him say both "All further debate will be at your trial, Laira" and "You don't really expect me to sit in a sciencell. I'm not a criminal.", and he also answers in the next panel by saying "Not yet."
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"DISSECTERS ASSEMBLE!"
TITLE: The Mighty Avengers (Marvel).
ISSUE: 08.
CULPRIT: Justin Ponsor & Stephane Peru (colorists).
DISSECTION: This one's pretty easy:
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"THE MOST DISSECTION OF ALL TIMES."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 59.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: I meant to say "of the most useless Legion Rejects of all times", but I forgot the word "most".
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"WE NEEDED A TOKEN ASIAN."
TITLE: The Trials Of Shazam (DC).
ISSUE: 11 of 12.
CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).
DISSECTION: Katana is shown as a member of the Shadowpact, when she's not.
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"THOR, MY BRO!"
TITLE: Ultimate Secrets (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Any of the writers in the staff.
DISSECTION: Loki is referred to, in his profile and Thor's, as the latter's half-brother, when he's his foster brother.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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Very few dissections (seventeen in total), and an incredibly low average of 4.9 Bazzars... we haven't had such a low average since column #24, with the same score. Before going on to the Moments Of The Week; I' d like to recommend the site "Profiles In Villainy"; pretty funny. What's our first MOT? Well, John Horus from Black Summer makes his a classic line:
How creepy are those floating eyes? And how come he gets to look cool in a white outfit?Next, Black Adam makes fun of Mr. Spock:
Hardcore, as usual. But he's still in touch with his human side enough to predict the (granted, very predictable) Billy Batson:
Then. why is Darkseid holding a dildo in his hand?
WE DON'T WANNA KNOW!!! And lastly, look at the Robin costume in the middle (yes, this is some kind of alternate reality or dreamscape)...
It's definitely got breasts, meaning that's a Stephanie Brown's memorial!!! That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
6 comments:
Isn't Ronin's costume supposed to be green (not blue)?
--Snarf5181
His costume is usually colored dark blue or black; with green parts in places like the forearms and shoulderpads.
Snakebyte got it over at ICS.net; the civilian is asking about his pants, but his legs are colored blue.
Damn it! Yeah the Dissect This! was pretty easy. Could you make the case that the caption boxes are green and yellow whenever Iron Man is traditionally red & yellow/gold?
The dildo comment in moments of the week was pretty funny I have to say.
Glad you laughed at Darkseid's dildo... And no, the caption box is alright because it's Iron Man's armor computer working; hence the green font on gold background and red outline. And in any case, that's purely a stylistic choice, I'd say.
Hmm... does a letterer color his own work, or is that done by the colorist as well? Good question.
Wow, I'm a dork. I was looking all over that panel for something while thinking 'that guys dialogue makes no sense!', but never considering it might be the dissection. I say it was too obvious!
--Snarf5181
Oh, so that's your defense? "I'm sorry your honor, that "STOP" sign was too obvious, so I didn't see it?" :P
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