The Dissector

The Dissector #66.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"That's my name! And when you write it, don't forget the hyphen! You wouldn't believe how many Google searches that screws up!" Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #553.

Almost there, almost there!!! This is the column for comics published on 03/12, which means that I'm now only one column behind!!! The Dissect This! from last column was correctly spotted by Snakebyte (and ShadZ), as Wolverine's claws making a "snikt" sound, a sound they only make when coated in adamantium; something that hadn't happened yet by WWII. Before we get on with the rest of the column, I want to invite all of my readers to join the Independent Comics Site forums, to comment on the reviews and articles from the site, and engage in interesting discussions about our hobby. There are a few Dissector fans there, too, so you won't feel alone.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week; Best Book Of The Week goes to Star Wars: Legacy #21.Why? Good understanding by writer John Ostrander of the Star Wars universe, and appropriate art by Omar Francia and good colors by Brad Anderson, all together to create an excellent issue. Yet again we get away from Jedi/Sith rivalries, which are not all there is to the Star Wars Universe, and we get a space battle worthy of a Timothy Zahn or Michael Stackpole Star Wars novel (or better yet, a Star Wars movie… well, almost). Admiral Gar Stazi comes out as a great tactician for the New Repu... Galactic Alliance; and strikes the Empire a deadly blow. Just good Star Wars... plain and simple as that.

Worst Book Of The Week? New Exiles #3, hands down. Chris Claremont continues to weave a boring plot, with implausible use of powers by characters, stock characterization, and just plain dumb plot points such as "We were so much in synch that the psychic shock of our punches hit her astral body with the force of physical blows." Uhm... what?!??!!? Tom Grummet provides acceptable art; but Wilfredo Quintana's colors don't help, being to flat.
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"TAMBIEN QUIERO LEER EL DIARIO EL MUNDO."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 553.

CULPRIT: Bob Gale (writer).

DISSECTION: A Hispanic janitor at the hospital JJJ is in recognizes the "bugle" of the (now) DB newspaper logo as "trompeta", which actually means "trumpet". The word for "bugle" in Spanish is "clarín", with "El Clarín" being the translation for the Daily Bugle's name in Spanish language Spidey comics.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars, then again, the janitor might not know the actual word for "bugle" in Spanish.
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"KRAUT LESSONS."

TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Dan Slott (writer).

DISSECTION: Once again, Dominik B. enlightens us on the wonders of fake Kraut: "On page 14, Baron von Blitzschlag goes “Mein Kinder… My dear boys.” This is another typical case of Babelfish German, where the author just slammed in some random translation obviously not paying attention to the Kraut’s Grammar. The correct version would be “Meine Kinder... My dear boys” as “Kinder” is a plural of “Das Kind” and is formed by putting the female “Die” in front of the pluralized noun. Obviously, the preposition needs to be adapted. Something that Babelfish just can’t do. Once more, Marvel, if you need help in German translations, drop me a line and I’m willing to help for free."

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. There also another minor German-related dissection spotted by Dom, who is three badges away from being a Lt. Cmdr.!
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"FAIRY TALE QUESTIONS."

TITLE: Avengers Fairy Tales (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: João Lemos (artist).

DISSECTION: Why oh why, does Lemos not draw faces on characters when there's more than one or two people in a given panel? He does it several times.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. I am, however, amazed that Lemos' name is correctly written.
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"I'M SO GOOD, I THINK OF MY IDEAS BEFORE I GET THEM!"

TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer) and/or Rags Morales (penciller).

DISSECTION: The new Wrath tells how the original one styled himself as an anti-Batman (didn't we have that with Proteus?) after he saw Batman's contribution to Jim Gordon's professional success... yet he's shown, arguably before that decision, already in costume.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"TEMPORAL DYES."

TITLE: Booster Gold V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Rip Hunter's hair is colored brown, when it should be blond.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars, also, Booster uses the word "salesmen" instead of "salesman" when referring to Max Lord. Oh, and Rip's eyes should be blue, not brown.
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"YOU SAY WHAT?"

TITLE: Countdown To Mistery (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 08.

CULPRIT: Pat Brosseau (letterer).

DISSECTION: On page 25, first panel, a word balloon is in the wrong place, pointing to the wrong character, and joined to another balloon for that character, leading to some confusion.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, it is mentioned that the Tower Of Fate no longer stands, which is not true., though it might be incomplete knowledge on the character's part.
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"THEY'RE SHRINKING!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Tom Derenick (penciller).

DISSECTION: Una's bracers are once more reduced to mere bracelets.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, it's really getting old. Also, we have problems with Kyle's emblem again (wrongly drawn and colored), and Mary Marvel having incomplete eyes in one particular panel.
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"CALL HIM BAÑE."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Scott Beatty (writer, Bane origin story) and/or Travis Lanham (letterer, same story).

DISSECTION: The Santa Prisca prison Bane was born and grew up in is called "PeÑa Duro", not "Pena Duro".

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"WHACKY-WACKY!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 65.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Yet another misstep that Snakebyte catches me in! I wrote "Whacker" instead of "Wacker", when referring to how Steven Wacker credited himself in ASM #552. Heh, this week he credited himself as "Stephen Wacker... Freak"!

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"MANY RINGS TO RULE THEM ALL!"

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Nelson (penciller).

DISSECTION: A flashback is shown of Hal Jordan cutting off Boodikka's hand and taking her power ring... but there are too many rings on Jordan's hand.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, it is Boodikka's recollection and her memories might not be entirely right.
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"I BORROWED HAL'S."

TITLE: JLA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 54.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (penciller).

DISSECTION: John Stewart's chest emblem is incorrect. And what the hell is up with the JLA in this book? They KILLED Titus!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, one word balloon reads "JUSTICELEAGUE", and John Stewart has no pupils or irises in one of the last pages... in a close-up, to boot.
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"DEVIL ARMADILLO."

TITLE: Marvel Comics Presents V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Joyce Chin (artist, Savage Land story).

DISSECTION: For some reason, Devil Dinosaur is drawn as if his skin has plates, like an armadillo.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. And of course, USAgent.
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"SAVAGE DISSECTION."

TITLE: Marvel Comics Presents V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Joyce Chin (artist, Savage Land story).

DISSECTION: This is a double Dissect This! It's about the same thing, and that's your only clue. One badge for each dissection you spot.


DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars for one, 8 for the other one. No, it's not Storm's lack of eyes, she MIGHT be using her powers.... although I don't see why.
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"YO, SUP, THIS IS VIC VON DOOM!"

TITLE: The Mighty Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: "Okay"? Doctor Doom says "Okay"?!?!?!?

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. One would think Bendis can get Doom's dialogue right, but noooooo.
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"DID STORM AND SUPERMAN LEND YOU THEIR POWERS?"

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Psylocke tracks Rogue and her new friends by "flying to the edge of space and scoping out the air currents down below". WTF??!?! First, what is "the edge of space"? And there is no way that Psylocke can survive outside of the atmosphere, or almost outside of it, and there's also no way she can track people by "scoping out" air currents!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Again, Morph's true identity is ignored
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"THANK YOU, DATA."

TITLE: Salvation Run (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 07.

CULPRIT: Matthew Sturges (writer).

DISSECTION: Why is Metallo talking like Silver Age Brainiac? "I project a forty-seven percent probability that we may damage him permanently if we attack in concert." Oooookaaaay....

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. And Metallo had that flying surfboard before, why does he have two flying trashcan lids now? And also, Mammoth's hair is still colored incorrectly.
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"DAXAM IS NOT LIKE THIS!!! AH, NEVER MIND..."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 674.

CULPRIT: Kurt Busiek (writer).

DISSECTION: I've explained my apprehension on both the Silver Age revival Superman is experimenting, and the fact that his entire continuity is being revised post-Infinite Crisis. In fact, I wish I had the time to write an article on the latter subject. However, despite my misgivings, I accept that both are perfectly valid paths for DC to take, and in the second issue's case, as long as they come out and say "this is the new Superman continuity, ignore what was written before). Still, when this soft reboot clashes with things recently established within DCU continuity, I draw the line. Mon-El's recollection of Daxam paints a world where... and, you know what? I was going to rant on how this Daxam was nothing like the one shown in Sodam Yat's origin, yet I just realized that Mon-El followed Superman's rocket to Earth after Krypton's destruction, which could mean that he's form the past. So, ignore this one.

DISSECT-O-METER: N/A.
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"NEXT, THE DAILY FUGLE."

TITLE: Superman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: B. Clay Moore (writer) and/or Rob Clark Jr. (letterer).

DISSECTION: One of Perry's speech balloons says "Daily Flanet"... lol, "Flanet"!

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"CHEAP PAINT."

TITLE: Thunderbolts (Marvel).

ISSUE: 119.

CULPRIT: Rain Beredo (colorist).

DISSECTION: The Swordsman paints his newly-acquired personal guard (bribed/subverted CSA troopers) with his colors (purple and blue), yet when they scramble out of the door, they're blue only, or at most, have too little purple paint.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"COSPLAYERS!"

TITLE: Wonder Woman V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Bernard Chang (artist).

DISSECTION: The Khunds look too human, they’re just taller, stockier humans with pointed ears and pink skin.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"CONTACT-USING DUPE."

TITLE: X-Factor V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 29.

CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).

DISSECTION: It's Jeremy, again at Marvel! But he's still up to his old antics, and in this case, he colored Jamie Madrox's eyes green, when they're brown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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So, the average went up, with 5.8 Bazzars in 34 dissections, bringing us up to a more normal level. Wait... why am I happy when there's higher ratings? That's wrong!!! Ah, whatever. Let's get on with the Moments Of The Week. Let's start with Nemesis, after being courted by Wonder Woman, realizes something we all knew along, but never had canon confirmation for:


Yeah baby! Amazon society is like a Skinemax film! Bow-chika-bow-wow!!! Next, one of the funny moments Atomic Robo has made us grown used to:


Classic! Makes us wish that the next Atomic Robo mini comes soon. Then, the worst state to be stationed as an Initiative team:


Hehe! Now, don't trust magic objects too much:


That's gotta hurt! Another lesson:


Don't play tag with a Flash! And last, but definitely not least, Captain Jaius Yorub sacrifices himself, and the Indomitable, to deliver a crippling blow to the Empire's shipyards.


Way to go! That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!