The Dissector

The Dissector #65.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Watching was Charles the Dominator of family on TV--SUBMISSION OF NICOLE EGGERT!" The Head, All-New Atom #21.

Catching up as fast as possible; this is the first column dealing with books published in March, specifically, the week of 03/05. Last columns DT! was correctly spotted by "Mini-Dissector" himself, Snakebyte, as Data being referred to as a Lieutenant, instead of a Lieutenant Commander. Any geek, particularly any geek as geeky as Gordo (from KODT) knows that!

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week? Well, Best Book once again goes to Amazing Spider-Man, this time issue #552; as Brand New Day keeps moving along at a nice pace. Nice overall plot by the whole writing team, and although Bob Gale (co-writer and co-producer of the Back To The Future Trilogy, among other things, including some Batman and Daredevil comics) is not as fun to read as, say, Dan Slott, he does do a good job on his issues. Phil Jimenez delivers fantastic art, with great, distinct faces that let you know immediately who's who, and enhanced by Andy Lanning's inks. My only complain is that Jeromy Cox (first time I see him in Marvel book, that I recall) colors the issue a bit flatly, making it seem an issue from the mid-to-late-90s; when they traditional coloring and computer color separations; and not a modern comic, where all coloring is made by computer. By the way, I just realized that Stephen Wacker is crediting himself as "Stephen Whack Her"...

Worst Book Of The Week goes to Countdown Presents; Lord Havok And The Extremists 05 of 06. It's not BAD per se, but it wasn't a good comic either. Boring and predictable story by Frank Tieri, uninspired and low-detailed art by Liam Sharp and Mark Robinson, and flat colors (as with Cox, see above) by Dave Baron. Definitely a lackluster miniseries, this one, and in a week where I didn't ready any reaaaally bad books, this took the cake. Alright, time for the dissections!
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"THE INCREDIBLE SIZE-CHANGING BABY!"

TITLE: Cable V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Ariel Olivetti (artist).

DISSECTION: That damn Mutant Messiah baby keeps changing sizes, it's outrageous!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"SORRY, BUT YOU'RE NOT THE ONE..."

TITLE: Clandestine V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 05

CULPRIT: Alan Davis (writer).

DISSECTION: Adam Destine tells how, during the Crusades, he was the supposed fulfiller of a prophecy about a "red-haired infidel"... only he's clearly blonde, both currently, and in the flashback panels.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Tom Chu (probably the cover colorist).

DISSECTION: Mary Marvel's lightning is yellow on the cover.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"THAT, TOO."

TITLE: DC Special: Raven (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Damion Scott (penciller).

DISSECTION: Raven's Tattoo is missing from her lower back. Granted, she could be hiding it somehow. Why does DC, incidentally, name this DC Special: Raven, instead of just Raven, or at least Raven: The Something? Beats me.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars. Also, her eyes are purple, when they should be blue, and in between mentions of pop culture "Avrill" is mentioned, presumably referring to "Avril Lavigne." (but that gets a veeeery low rating... just a 1).
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"DISBELIEVE!!!! DISBELIEVE!!!"

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 842.

CULPRIT: Peter Milligan (writer).

DISSECTION: Why has the notion of Batman not believing in mystical energies or objects taken such a deep root among writers? He's seen and fought numerous magic users, he's fought alongside Dr. Fate and is friends with Zatanna. Why can he doubt that a suit of armor can have magical properties?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"ULTIMATE GOOF-UP."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 64.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Snakebyte called me on two mistakes, for one I wrote "The Ultimates 3 V1"; when I had actually said in the previous column "The Ultimates V3".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, I also called Liz Allan "Allen".
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"GREEN LAANTERN."

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 28.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Salaak. Ugh!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"A SOUND DISSECTION."

TITLE: Logan (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Check out this panel, and FYI, this is Logan in WWII:


DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"PACKS ROMANA."

TITLE: Pax Romana (Image).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Hickman (writer) and/or unnamed letterer.

DISSECTION: The character "Nicholas" is referred to as "Nickolas" in one page.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"OH, OH, WHERE DID YOU LO-GO?"

TITLE: Powers V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 28.

CULPRIT: Michael Avon Oeming (artist).

DISSECTION: One character has a logo (presumably a Super Shock emblem) that comes and goes from his t-shirt.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"I DON'T ANYTHING HERE."

TITLE: The Sisterhood (Archaia Studios Press).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Christopher Golden & Thomas E. Sniegoski (writers) and/or Marshall Dillon (letterer).

DISSECTION: This one comes from Dominik B.: "On Page 10, the terrorist guy says “I don’t you who you are...” when there should quite probably be a verb instead of the first “you."

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"MAGICAL MISTERY EURO-TOUR!"

TITLE: The Sisterhood (Archaia Studios Press).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Wellington Alves (artist).

DISSECTION: Dom also tells us that "Vienna doesn’t look anything like it’s shown on page 18. Europe isn’t this para-medieval wonderland full of castles and green forests. Vienna is actually a rather big city."

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, another lettering or writing error, reported by Dom as well; there are quotation marks without a reason in speech balloons on page 21.
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"IT'S A BFG!"

TITLE: Teen Titans Year One (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Karl Keschl (artist) and/or Amy Wolfram (writer).

DISSECTION: Look at the picture below, and you'll see that Kerschl not only neglected to correctly represent the famous sculpture called "Non-Violence" (part of the UN art collection at its headquarters in NYC, and usually called "Knotted Gun"), but he also decided (perhaps writer Amy Wolfram too) to make it gigantic, just so Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl could stand on it and look down at normal people. Not only did they enlarge it; they couldn't even get the shape of the base well, and numerous other details in the sculpture itself.


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"THE HELMETS ARE FEELING BLUE."

TITLE: Teen Titans Year One (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Karl Keschl (artist) and/or Amy Wolfram (writer).

DISSECTION: The UN Headquarters in NYC have their own, civilian, security force; there's absolutely no deployment of "blue helmet" DPKO (Department Of Peacekeeping Operations) troops inside of it. Then why are DPKO troopers pointing assault rifles and other firearms at Wonder Woman?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, as far as I know, Aqualad did not have the power to command water at this point in his life, and this point in time, while wearing his original costume (with red gloves and boots); Green Arrow did not sport a beard.
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"GETTAOUTTAHERE!"

TITLE: The Twelve (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 12.

CULPRIT: J. Michael Straczynski (writer).

DISSECTION: It's the 21st century Marvel 616 Earth; why would anyone doubt a superhero's origin story? Regardless of that, I am enjoying this book immensely.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"GET OUT OF MY SITE!"

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 496.

CULPRIT: Will Panzo (assistant editor) and/or Nick Lowe (editor).

DISSECTION: Another one from Dominik; in the "previously" blurb, it reads “Cyclops found Iron Man at the sight of the ruined Xavier Mansion” when it should be “at the site".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"AND WHAT'S A GALACTUS?"

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 496.

CULPRIT: Ed Brubaker (writer).

DISSECTION: Cyclops does not know what a Celestial is. However when he was in X-Factor, they encountered Celestials, and even LIVED IN A SHIP WHICH WAS OF CELESTIAL ORIGIN. Even if at the time he did not know what they were called; he should know by now.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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So, we have 21 dissections in total, with an average of 4.9 Bazzars... lower than usual, but still higher than last time. Let's wrap up this column (with luck, I should be able to crank out another one before my shift ends, since it's a slow day at work) with the Moments Of The Week. Let us start with something we knew was coming, but still made me go "Whoa!":


Yup, a Red Lantern, and it's not a commie! I know Laira is not the first, but being a former GL, it's more shocking. Next up, Penance beats the crap out of Nitro:


Now that's what I call anger management!!! Lastly, the all grown-up son of Mr. E, one of the heroes from The Twelve, looks just like former Uruguayan president Jorge Batlle:


Yep, now we can be certain he's a comic book character, alright! That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!