Saturday, June 18, 2011

The Dissector #199.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)


05-04 "Bah! I can travel in both time and relative dimensions in space!" Doctor Dinosaur, Atomic Robo & Others Free Comic Book Day 2011.

05-11 "This is nothing but bullshit! You expect us to believe that he can't get into this school because he hasn't passed English???? That's the worst excuse I've heard in my entire fucking life. What is it? You didn't like his psych test because this moron wrote all that crap about death and Jim Morrison's grave?" La Ranita, Ranitas: Catarsis & Rock N Roll.

05-18 "Tony said he hated the Norse god speech pattern I'd developed and promised to give ten million dollars to charity if I spoke like a normal person again." Thor, Ultimate Avengers Vs. New Ultimates #4.

05-25 "Y'know, there are times I wish Uncle Ben had told me that with great power comes pie..." Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #662.

And welcome to a new column, this time for the month of May. Last column's DT! was cracked by Captain JohnnyDoe, who noticed that Martian Manhunter is too tall on that cover. Yes, he's a shapeshifter, but still... Let's go to the Picks of the Month:

Cover Of The Week for 05/04 was Chip 'N' Dale Rescue Rangers #6, by James Silvani and Jake Miller; even if the title characters are not in the cover, the other two stars are, and it's the perfect image of what a Rescue Rangers' adventure should be. Best Book for that week was Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art Of Science #5; a perfect ending for a, as usual, great mini from the Robo team. Worst Book was JSA All-Stars #18. Blocky, ugly art that lacks soul, and a bland plot. It's not bad that this book is ending soon. Best Book Of The Week for 05/11 is Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #518, I can't stress enough how fun, fast-paced, yet filled with character moments this book by David Liss and Francesco Francavilla is. Worst Book for 05/11 is Justice League Of America V2 #57. It's no secret I've found James Robinson's JLA run boring, and Brett Booth's art, while good, is not enough to save this book. Cover for that week is Patrick Zircher's alternate FF #3 cover with (part of) Wolverine's graphic evolution.

Cover for 05/18 is Alex Ross's cover for Rocketeer Adventures #1... I wouldn't mind having that painting. Best Book of that week was Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #13. Paul Levitz never fails to deliver, and while I'd prefer that all art was Yildiray Cinar, Jonathan Glapion is not bad as his co-artist. Don't look for groundbreaking comic book storytelling, though, this is just a straight up future superhero romp. Worst Book was X-Men Giant-Size #1... a pointless fight, and a *yawn* ultra-powerful enemy that seeks to eradicate mutants, completely pulled out of nowhere, complete with a flashback to some of Cyclops' repressed memories from when the original five were Xavier's only X-Men. Best Book for 05/25 was issue #2 of The Strange Case of Mr. Hyde. It's a fresh take on the old tale, intertwining it with Jack The Ripper's, newcomer writer Cole Haddon (who comes from the screenwriting and movie journalism fields) spins an entertaining story that sounds at the same time fresh, modern, and Victorian as well. M.S. Corley (who I hadn't heard of before either) delivers great art that fits the story perfectly, enhanced by Jim Campbell's colors; and the whole thing is embellished by Richard Starking & Comicraft's lettering. Is it mind-blowing? No, I wouldn't say so. But it's so neat, so well done, that you can't help but say "man, this is a good comic book". Give it to people who don't usually read comics. Worst Book was Action Comics #901. One of the most boring Super Team Vs. Doomsdays fights I've ever red, Paul Cornell usually writes better things. Plus, why should I care about this book's numbering and history, if they're rewinding everything soon? Meh. Cover for this week is this sweet 70s movie poster style painting by Clayton Crain from Green Lantern V4 #66.

Let's get to those dissections...

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 901.

CULPRIT: Jesus Merino (artist) & Paul Cornell (writer).

DISSECTION: Current DCU president (shown mostly in Freedom Fighters) is not Obama, nor does he even look like him (he's actually white).

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Plus, it's actually un-DC to have a real-life president (although they've done it before, occasionally).

TITLE: The Dissector (Clockwork Chap).

ISSUE: 198.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: My apologies to HDSC member Sidney, whose name I spelled as "Sydney" last column. Badge for him.



ISSUE: 58.

CULPRIT: Mike Miller (penciller).

DISSECTION: Check this one, from 2001:


TITLE: Knights Of The Dinner Table: Black Hands 2011 Special (Kenzer & Co.).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Jolly Blackburn (writer).

DISSECTION: Weird Pete, Patty, B.A., and Earl are all talking about when Nitro had recently returned from the Marines, fifteen years ago, and Earl says he remembers him as being terrible back then. Only problem is, Earl was introduced in the strip as a new character, transferring from another college to the local university only a few years ago. This doesn't jive even with a fluid timescale (like the one this comic uses), because Earl was specifically introduced as a new guy in town.


TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel)

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer)

DISSECTION: Penciller Sergio Ariño gets his name wrong, with a "^" instead of the "~" that the "ñ" should have... and it's halfway over the A and the R...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Double.

TITLE: The New Avengers V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis.

DISSECTION: Given how public it was during Norman Osborn's "Dark Reign", there's absolutely no way anyone, much less a cop, would not know what H.A.M.M.E.R. is or was.


TITLE: Suicide Girls (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 & 02.

CULPRIT: Unidentified production designer.

DISSECTION: One of the ads at the end says "suiciegirls". I know producing this complete marketing vehicle must sap your enthusiasm, but you can at least write the brand name right, no?


TITLE: Teen Titans V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 35.

CULPRIT: Fabrizio Fiorentino (penciller).

DISSECTION: Vixen's powers come from her Tantu totem necklace. So you kind of have to draw it on her, not just a random animal fang necklace.


TITLE: X-Men Giant-Size (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Christopher Yost (penciller) and Paco Medina (penciller).

DISSECTION: "For Homo sapien to live... Australopithecus sediba had to die.", that phrase is full of fail, because Australopithecus weren't even proto-humans, Australopithecine were bipedal and dentally similar to humans, but with a brain size not much larger than modern apes, lacking the encephalization characteristics of the genus Homo. The date is wrong, too, since it says 2.5 million years ago, and A. sediba lived between 1.95 and 1.78 million years ago.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars for using the Australopithecine instead of one of the archaic Homo sapiens (such as Homo heidelbergensis, Homo rhodesiensis, or Homo neanderthalensis), 7 for the wrong date.
May, then, has an average of 8.2 Bazzars in ten dissections. Pretty high, but then again, I'm only keeping the most outrageous dissections these days. Let's go with the Moments Of The Month. First, from 05/04's issue of Atomic Robo, Tesla has a real "war of the currents" with Edison:

If you know me, you know this is fan service for me. Thank you, Brian Clevinger and Scott Wegener! Next, more from the same issue:

The real reason behind alternating current! More Atomic Robo, from the 2011 Free Comic Book Day Special, we learn how Dr. Dinosaur gets his guns:

Moving on to the next week, what's a good idea to have Batman everywhere?

Well, it's certainly NOT bat-robots, Bruce! Of course, what can we expect from...

... an internet troll? Now, from a Uruguayan comic, Ranitas: Catarsis & Rock N Roll, the stuff we do as drunken teenagers:

I didn't do THAT exactly, and I was a pretty nerdy guy who went out dancing and drinking very little... but I did a few stupid things while drunk, so I smile at this from a "yeah, I know" viewpoint. Week of 05/18 brought me some Quislet action over in LSH:

And it's almost as if the book had been written for me:

Good one. Now, more fan service, even if I don't like this artist, is having Lockheed meet up with Kitty Pryde in Astonishing X-Men:

That didn't go to well... or did it?

Guns! Big guns! You know who knows his place in the universe? Paladin:

He keeps it real. More Uruguayan stuff, from Orange Shaft, you shouldn't try to mug the wrong guy:

Believe me, this one of the tamest scenes in the whole book. You should see what Orange Shaft does to a guy's testicles with an arrow... Now, from 05/25, what do Donald's famous nephews do when they're not out adventuring?

They adventure some more! And to finish the column, John Stewart goes Death Star:

Again. Man, poor Mogo. I mean, we know he doesn't socialize, but that's no reason to do that to him That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...



Darryn said...

DT stab - Why would you shoot fire at an oil well?

The DC President has been consistently not Obama since the DC Universe Decisions mini back in 2007.

Sidney said...

DT stab - Could it be that Green Lantern's energy construct isn't connected to his hands?

Also, when you were talking about Action #901,you said you "red" it.

MaGnUs said...

Darryn; Obama has never been president in DC; because as I said, DC usually has fictitional presidents, and in recent times has shown different, non-real presidents at least since Amazons Attack, also from 2007... the last time I remember a "real president" in DC was Clinton during Reign Of The Supermen (and then Reagan in Booster Gold's first comics). I'm glad they haven't shown Obama since 2007, because he was sworn into office president in 2009.

Marvel's the one that usually shows the real world leaders, including the POTUS; although they try not to mention him by name, they've shown a black man with a strong resemblance to Obama in the last couple of years.

As for the DT, they're purposely setting those oil wells on fire to combat white Martians.

Sidney: The DT is related to Green Lantern, but it's not precisely that... and yeah, I wrote "red", my bad. :)

JohnnyDoe said...

A quick stab at the DT!: Green Lantern's cloak is drawn as too long. If it was that size it would drag along the ground when he walked and he would probably step on it too.

MaGnUs said...

Not quite. Not at all, actually, maybe you have a point, but it's not that.

Darryn said...

His cloak is the wrong way around. The green side should be to the back.

MaGnUs said...

Nope, not that.

JohnnyDoe said...

OK, two more stabs:

Alan Scott's power comes from his ring so both his hands shouldn't glow.


This is during the time when Alan Scott was suppose to be the Sentinel and had a different costume.

MaGnUs said...

You got it on the first one there! :)