DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"I am the TERROR that flaps in the night! I am the classic rock act that NEVER retires! I AM DARKWING DUCK! And I... am talking to myself." Darkwing Duck, Darkwing Duck #2.
I'm still behind, not only on columns, but in my reading. These are the books published on 07/21 (mostly, there are one or two older books), and I haven't even finished reading the ones for last week... Not directly related with my column, you can visit my Formspring account, and ask me anything you'd like... as long as you keep it respectful.
Last week's DT! was cracked by Sidney, who earns a badge by correctly pointed out that, in traditional LSH continuity (and from what I've seen, it's been kept mostly the same), Brainiac 5 did not come to Earth to attend Science Police Academy; Saturn Girl did... so the speech balloon is pointing at the wrong character. Best Book Of The Week was Darkwing Duck #2... he finally puts on the costume, and both the script and art are a perfect evocation of the TV show. Worst Book Of The Week? Well, I didn't actually find any book really bad... but Zatanna #3 bored me. I'm dropping that book, I'm only interested in the character visually; and the art is not doing the character justice, while the plot is not very interesting; it's rather generic.
The Rundown: The Avengers V4 (inconsistent lettering in the credits, Tony Stark's eyes should be blue, his armor is not exactly as it currently is, and a sentence is missing a question mark), Brightest Day (Atlanteans without calf fins, "nearby to", Blackest Night couldn't have been "a few months back"), Ghostbusters: Con-Volution ("transfigured" is not "transfixed"), New Avengers V2 (inconsistent credit lettering, Dr. Strange's eyes are colored incorrectly), Superman/Batman (gee Supes, I wonder who built that rocket that sports A GIGANTIC PURPLE AND GREEN "L" LOGO ON IT?!?!??! And Luthor destroys ONE microchip you brought as evidence, and you complain that you have no more evidence... when you have an entire rocket and satellite?), Time Masters: Vanishing Point (Hal Jordan's badge is the wrong shape, and the setting on the uniform is wrong too, Rip Hunter's eyes and hair are miscolored, and there's an accented letter smaller than it should be).
"TOO MUCH ON MY PLATE."
TITLE: Action Comics (DC).
CULPRIT: Pete Woods (penciller).
DISSECTION: Ensign Jordan of the HDSC brought my attention to the fact that when Lex Luthor is dining with his Lois Lane android (what a stupid idea on the writer's part, by the way), the plates on the table disappear and reappear between pages. Jordan, have a badge.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
TITLE: DC Universe: Legacies (DC).
ISSUE: 03 of 10.
CULPRIT: Len Wein (writer).
DISSECTION: Is this an Elseworld? Because if it is, just say so. There's no way the lead character can be a teenager when the original JSA was active (1940s) and then in his 30s or even less when Superman first appears.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
"ELEMENTAL POWERS, MAGIC, AND STUFF."
TITLE: Justice Society of America (DC)
CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).
DISSECTION: The Starheart is driving elemental and magically powered heroes crazy, right? First, I don't get how it's affecting Supergirl and Power Girl, but I don't want to go there. But am I really supposed to believe that Donna Troy and Jesse Quick are among those who have "the least chance of being affected?
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Alcatraz Island - and the inexistent island where Titans Tower is located- cannot be seen from the Golden Gate Bridge at that angle... and if it's the Bay Bridge, it doesn't look that way.
TITLE: Supergirl V6 (DC).
CULPRIT: Sterling Gates (writer).
DISSECTION: Bizarros have the opposite powers of Kryptonians? What? So Bizarro Superman is superweak? No, Bizarros might have some weird powers, but that's not how they are defined. Plus, why would the opposite of seeing through things (x-ray vision) be making things completely solid?
Suspension of disbelief is not a license for bullshit.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
"DISSECTION, LIKE LIGHTNING."
TITLE: Thunderbolts (Marvel).
CULPRIT: Jeff Parker (writer).
DISSECTION: If you dissect this, you get a few years of your prison sentence:
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There are also another couple of small writing dissections.
TITLE: X-Factor V3 (Marvel).
CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).
DISSECTION: Come on, Jeromy! Is this a joke, or what? First, M's eyes should not be blue, but that's an honest mistake. But then you have Shatterstar's eyes shift between green and blue (the right color), and then Rictor's eyes between blue and brown (right color)? Are you even paying attention to your job? Yes, I know, eye color is a minor detail... but not keeping it consistent between CONSECUTIVE PAGES OF THE SAME ISSUE you give the impression that you just don't give a fuck.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for the changing eyes, 6 for M's mistake.
So, that's a 6.1 Bazzar in twenty-nine dissections. Cover Of The Week is a lovely piece by Dave Wilkins for the New Mutants:
Just a nice cover, and it also reminded me a tad of Sienkiewicz's covers for the original New Mutants book; but a lot more "clean"; not that either way is better. Now, Moments Of The Week. The first one is actually three separate Spider-Man moments from Avengers #3, in a little sequence I like to call "gotta love Spidey":
Say what you want about Bendis, or Romita Jr., they both know how to do a good Spider-Man. Next, Egyptian cat goddesses and Amadeus Cho... it can only go one way:
LOLSPEAK!!! Hellblazer is a fun book, and when written (as it's usually been, and as it MUST be) by Brits, it has those unequivocally British humor moments interspersed with all the weird, dark crap:
Right out of The Mighty Boosh, or Red Dwarf.... Now, back to Marvel, Ultimate Tony Stark knows what he needs to save the world:
Ah, the Ultimate Universe... where we can still make drunken Iron Man jokes! And as a finale, more Spidey:
I absolutely love it when writers remember Peter Parker has mad science skillz. Fred Van Lente (who wrote the story that scene is from) not only remembers that, but also relies on old Spidey continuity... while Dan Slott, new sole writer for the upcoming biweekly ASM, is a good writer, I fear he leans too much to the comedy side (at least when it comes to Spider-Man). Van Lente has a very good pen for humor, but also balances it perfectly with general narrative skills, and the aforementioned Spidey qualities. He would have been my choice for ASM's sole writer. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...