Friday, July 17, 2009

The Dissector #124.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"You traitors are welcome to hightail to Mexico (...) The Emperor's willin' to pay you Southern boys to lose a war for him. Since you're so good at that. Heh." Union soldier, The Good, The Bad And The Ugly #1.

So this is the column for comics released on 07/08? Doesn't look like much to me... It's even poorer than the last one... just eye colors, typos and accents... I'd search for a funny dissection from my Vault, but I just want to get this column out of the way, since I'm trying to get back on track.

Johnny Doe cracked the DT!, which showed a Daxamite firing a blast of energy from her hand. Daxamites under a yellow sun get basically the same powers Kryptonians do. Badge for you, man!

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week was BRPD: 1947. Good old 40s fun with monsters and all, including Lil' Hellboy! Worst Book Of The Week was Skrull Kill Krew #3, lame plot, and horrible art. Dissections, please!
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"DARK EYES: THE CONTINUATION."

TITLE: Dark X-Men: The Beginning (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Rain Beredo (colorist, Mimic story).

DISSECTION: Rain, please, remember that Norman Osborn's eyes are blue, not brown. Same goes for the colorist of the Dark Beast story, Matt Milla.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"THE REAL AMERICAN DISSECTION."

TITLE: G.I. Joe (IDW).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Chuck Dixon (writer).

DISSECTION: SOLDIER! FIND ME THIS DISSECTION! NOW!


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, it's not "Instanbul", but "Istanbul".
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"THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE SCREW-UP WITH ACCENTED LETTERS."

TITLE: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Simon Bowland (letterer).

DISSECTION: As usual, Simon makes an accented letter smaller than the rest.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"WEDNESDAY DISSECTIONS."

TITLE: Wednesday Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 12.

CULPRIT: Dave McCaig (colorist, Flash Comics).

DISSECTION: I was underwhelmed by Wednesday Comics... all the hype, all the good reviews... and all I could see was a collection of outdated, incomplete stories. Yes, I know it's weekly, and I'll get another piece of the story soon... but one page (however oversized) chapters is not the way to go in today's comics. All this book is good for is that "waaah, comics are not like the used to be" crowd that whines all the time about Supergirl's costume being to skanky, or about the amount of deaths and resurrections in modern comics.

Don't get me wrong, they're not bad starts for stories; but they're only fun in a retro kind of way, and even then, they fall short of entertaining me because one page per story is too little. This only panders to old timers (myself not included), as anybody under 20, or even 25, will see this and yawn. I've heard a lot of people complain that one 20+ pages issue a month is too little, I wonder what they'll think about this.

Oh, there was a dissection here somewhere, yes... Iris West's eyes should be brown, not green.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"ACCENTS FOREVER."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Tom Orzechowski (letterer).

DISSECTION: Five counts of wrongly sized accented letters. No writing dissections, surprisingly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
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This week gets an average of 6.8 Bazzars in eleven dissections. In fact, each dissection got a 7, except for one... I just can't give Iris West's eyes more than 5. Now, Moments Of The Week. First one might be familiar:


Yes, because testing experimental teleportation devices on YOURSELF is a good idea, Laird McCullen... there's absolutely no chance WHATSOEVER that you'll end up wearing a metal mask! Last, since there weren't many great moments this week, everything is better with apes:


Only thing Ninjorilla lacks is being Argentinean and Peronist! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

2 comments:

pdgonz said...

I think I caught the dissection!

Heisenberg is incorrectly spelled.

Kal

MaGnUs said...

You got it bro!